Ranma the Amorous Oversexed Nympho
by WFROSE
Summary: Hmm, almost 7 sporadic years on this story, my sexy self feels kinda pathetic and no life-ish at the moment...
1. Here's Ranma

Ranma the Amorous Oversexed Nympho  
  
  
"Oooh that must be Ranma!" Exclaimed Nabiki, as she got up and ran for the door.  
  
"How depressing, boys," groused Akane to herself, just before hearing her sister and father scream. Akane and Kasumi got up in time to see their father and sister running back towards them, with a panda casually walking behind them. On the large raccoon's shoulder sat a figure bounded in chains, struggling within its bonds. The figure brought both legs straight out suddenly, then swung them down into the panda's gut, forcing it to drop its hostage and double over.  
  
The Tendou family got a good look at the (heavily) bound figure, who was shaking rather badly as if they were anxious about something. "Uh, would you happen to be..." enquired Soun.  
  
"Rrrrrr-ra-ranma Saotome, s-sorry about this.  
  
Suddenly Soun grabbed the 'boy' in a heavy hug, the hug's recipient's eyes growing wide, the trembling getting heavier. The girls noted curiously that the panda suddenly was showing massive amounts of...fear.  
  
Soun noticed that something was peculiar about this 'boy', for someone who had been training in the arts for years; his pectorals were awfully soft and plump, noticeable through the chains even. The Tendou patriarch held his guest at arm's length, who was breathing in exertion. The panda in the back somewhat relaxed but remained tense.  
  
Nabiki's eyes narrowed as she approached the redhead and poked 'him' in the chest...  
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Ranma had resisted, she'd been building her will over time to control herself. Even when the mustached idiot had hugged her, she held on with all her strength. Unfortunately, she was well drained for what came after that...  
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Ranma suddenly ceased her shaking, a surreal calm suddenly taking control; her eyes narrowed and a sultry grin grew across her face. The transition was almost as if a switch had been flipped from Jeckal to Hyde.  
  
"'He' is a girl, DaAACK!!!!" Nabiki found herself on the receiving end of a well-executed tackle and lip lock in the likes that blew her socks off. She would have been well enjoying the kiss if for fact 1; it was from another girl, and fact 2; her hand seemed to have wandered down...  
  
"GETHEROFFGETHEROFFGET...HER...OFF!!!!" screamed the middle Tendou Daughter as she managed to break her lips away from, valiantly beating her arms against the still bound girl. The Panda blinked while the other three Tendous stood dumbfounded.  
  
"A, a girl can't be a pervert, can they?" whispered Akane to herself, trying to rationalize what was happening in front of her. The Panda struggled to lift its hostage off the other girl while Kasumi every so often attempted to beat the other girl with a handy broom in hopes of helping her sister.  
  
"HOT WATER NOW!!!" The panda's sign stated a great urgency that Kasumi had to comply with.  
  
"YOUNG LADY, THIS IS UNSUITABLE BEHAVIOR FOR A GUEST!" yelled Soun, scandalized by the behavior.  
  
"DAD, SIS, QUIT STANDING THERE AND HELP PROTECT MY CHASTITY!!!!"  
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"I'm Genma Saotome, and this is my son..."  
  
"Ranma."  
  
"Is it true, are you really.... uh, that girl from earlier?" enquired Kasumi, notably keeping a safe distance away from the seemingly calm and chagrined young man and armed with a skillet. All three of the Tendou girls were armed; Kasumi with her favorite heavy iron American style cooking skillet, Nabiki with a Cobra Brand extending baton, and Akane with an oak bokken.  
  
"Hmm, where should I begin..." mused Genma, then suddenly picked his son up by the shirt and tossed him outside... towards the fish pond  
  
"YOUUUUUUU IDIOOOOOOTTTTTT!" Ranma landed headfirst into the water, only air bubbles reaching the surface. Genma realized exactly what he had done in haste.  
  
"PANDACHAN!!!" Exclaimed the redhead as she leapt out of the water. The man-sometimes-panda desperately fought off the girl's advances before calmly continuing into his story...  
  
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"Sir, it very bad if you fall in spring!" shouted the guide, once, just ONCE they would at least listen to him first.  
  
"I won't go easy on you, Ranma"  
  
"Ha, just the way I like it."  
  
Martial artist Father met with Martial artist Son in mid air in a spectacular bout of gravity defiance and skill, before landing on opposite polls. Once again they leapt, Ranma braced both his hands on his father's leg, the planted both feet into his face. The pigtailed boy landed gracefully on one bamboo poll and looked smugly down in the pool his father fell in.  
  
"Pop, you done yet? We ain't even gotten started!"  
  
The pool started bubbling, and then suddenly a large black and white bear leapt from the spring and poised itself on an opposing poll in a crane stance.  
  
"What, what the hell is that?!?"  
  
"He fall in Spring of Drowned Panda, tragic story of Panda who drown Two thousand year ago. Now whoever fall in spring take body of panda."  
  
Not even noting the change in species, the panda leapt at its son, ready to deliver retribution. Ranma just *barely* gained the state of mind to leap back, just barely avoiding the panda's first swipe. Unfortunately the panda didn't miss the follow up roundhouse.  
  
"Oh, Spirits of ancestors, not that spring, ANYTHING BUT THAT SPRING!!!" shouted the guide in Mandarin, when he noted the boy's trajectory towards the spring just behind the spring of drowned girl. Unfortunately, none of his ancestors were returning his calls, as Ranma landed head first into its depths.  
  
"Maybe that not pool I thinking of, maybe young customer drown and create new pool. Yes spring of drowned martial artist much safer, no?  
  
Genmapanda grabbed the guide, ready to pummel him for even hoping his son drowned, when he noticed the state of his hands, or paws for that matter. The guide didn't notice the shock on the elder customer's face, as he was paying attention to what was rising out of the water.  
  
A redhead arose to the banks with a feral and frenzied look in her eyes. Quickly scanning the area, her gaze fell upon the guide and the panda, "PANDACHAN!!!!"  
  
"BY ALL THAT HOLY HONORED CUSTOMER RUN!!!!!" The Guide didn't even turn to see if his advice was heeded, escape was the first thing necessary. Hot water came next. Genma himself didn't like the look in the eyes of the redheaded girl that was in the place of his son, and didn't need the guide's warning to make haste.  
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"Apparently my son fell into that most dreaded spring of all; spring of sex starved amorous hyperactive nymphomaniac, tragic story of a sex starved amorous hyperactive nympho who fell into the spring while chasing a young girl fifteen hundred years ago. Now who ever fall in that spring will not only turn into a girl, but have these... urges," Genma pushed his glasses up in quiet contemplation.  
  
"Uh, Saotome-san, that's a good story, but.."  
  
"Yes, Nabiki was it?"  
  
"That's my name, GET YOUR SON AWAY FROM US!!!" Nabiki was busy kicking and beating the redhead girl who decided to leave 'Pandachan' alone for a triple treat. Akane was slamming her bokken with all her might into the demoness's head, making less damage than she had ever to Kuno, and just barely avoiding the promiscuous girl's outstretched hands. Kasumi stood back (waaaayyyyy back) and allowed the protection of her sisters.  
  
Fortunately relief came, when Soun dumped more of the hot water onto the cursed boy, cooling his ardor carnal appetites, but inflaming another for a Pops beating.  
  
"YOU *WHAM* IDIOT *CRASH* WHAT *CRUSHA* DO YOU THINK *HEAVILY PUMMEL* YOU WERE DOING *FRESHLY SQUEEZED*?" Genma was barely able to squeak out a strangled 'ite', much less answer his son in any length of detail.  
  
"Yes Mr. Saotome, that was very irresponsible of you, even for martial arts training," admonished Kasumi, just what had the panda relinquished upon the world?  
  
"Well, you're plight isn't so bad after all," stated Soun, "I have three lovely daughters; Kasumi age 19, Nabiki age 17, and Akane age 16; whichever one you pick will be your fiancée."  
  
Ranma stood up with a look of determination, "This is no time for fiancées, I'm going back to China to find a cure."  
  
"Yes, please do!" quickly blurted Akane.  
  
"Son, it's your duty, you need to pick a fiancée, or else..."  
  
Ranma's eyes narrowed at the implied threat, "or else 'what'?" Ranma didn't react in time to the cool refreshing drink in his face.  
  
"I'LL HAVE THEM ALL!!!!!" once again Onna-Ranma dove after the Tendou sisters.  
  
"YOU IDIOT!" All three exclaimed as they attempted to defend themselves again. Fortunately, it ended quickly when Akane slammed a table on top of his head.  
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Ranma woke up, and found that he had been moved to a room and changed back to a guy the next morning. He rubbed the lump on his head that he had received from the youngest and groaned about Tomboys who didn't know their own strength. He rolled over to see his panda father snoring the morning away, and decided he himself had slept long enough.  
  
Ranma looked around for his pack, and when he found it, fished his bathing supplies out. Maybe some nice hot water will calm his headache a bit. When the pigtailed boy got into the hall, he ran into an extremely drowsy Nabiki, who suddenly became completely alert at the sight of the young man.  
  
"Uh, hey, um, which way to the bath?" Nabiki didn't say anything, as she was backed against the wall as tightly as she could and pointed down the stairs. "Er, thanks, sorry 'bout all this." She didn't relax until he was down the stairs and out of sight.  
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"Please Kami, gimme strength," prayed Ranma, knowing from experience what may happen after the cold soak and during scrubbing. Just as much his cursed form couldn't keep her hands to herself, she tended to draw out bath time. It was inevitable when he had to bathe in rivers and such, and had grown used to it, but he still wished that it wouldn't take so long. Ranma dumped the cool water onto his head, and once he was female, exerted his will over her libido. She would make it through a bath without touching herself yet!  
  
Unfortunately, not being accustomed to private baths, forgot to flip the occupied sign, which allowed Akane an unwitting visit. The youngest Tendou daughter knew she screwed up when she saw the glossy eyed look in their household guest's eyes...  
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Soun felt like a kid again, one that just witnessed his first nude young lady up close, as his nose squirted blood like a super soaker, after witnessing his nude daughter being chased by a well endowed and just as nude natural redhead. Nabiki stared incredulous at the sight every time they made a pass, and Kasumi went to great lengths to remain oblivious to the situation, the half empty flask sitting on the kitchen counter may have had some assistance in that.  
  
"GET AWAY YOU PERVERT!!!"  
  
"AKANECHAN, DON'T RUN FROM YOUR FIANCEE!!!!"  
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After a sneak attack by Genma gained Ranma his proper gender and after a deafeningly quiet breakfast (in which notably Nabiki skipped out on), Akane and Ranma made their way to school. It took a bit of convincing for Ranma to go to school; his fear of changing during classes being a prime issue. But eventually he complied, rationalizing that there should be more than enough hot water around, he would just have to will himself to remain calm until he could reach it.  
  
"We're not getting married, you know? Same goes with my sisters," stated Akane matter-of-factly, there was no way she was letting a perverted oversexed sex-changing freak marry into HER family.  
  
"Hmph, fine with me, why would I wanna be related to such an uncute Tomboy like you, much less be married to one."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" yelled Akane, spinning on her heel to meet with a short redhead that was dripping water, an old lady off to the side watering her pathway...  
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"HERE COMES AKANE!"  
  
"AKANE, STAY BACK, THEY ALL WANT TO DEFEAT YOU!"  
  
The army of boys stormed towards the gates in order to win the hand of the most popular girl in school, when they noted that her usual scream was a bit different. It wasn't her usual savage war cry, but more one of primal fear. They also took note she was paying more attention to the redhead chasing her.  
  
All the boys stopped their charge, and stared wide eyed as the short buxom redhead tackled Akane, and then proceeded to crawl upon her with exploring hands. Akane herself frantically tried to claw her way from under the girl, also grasping for ANYTHING to pry the nympho off of her. Luck came as her fingers managed to sink into cracks of the pavement, and rip out a good chunk, which she turned and applied none-too-gently to the redhead's cranium.  
  
Akane stood up once the girl was 'sedated', hunched over and hyperventilating.   
  
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? YOU GOING TO ATTACK OR WHAT?!?!?" Akane tried to play the previous scene off by going into battle stance. Most were just too shocked to attempt the morning battle after the sight they just witnessed, was Akane... like that? Would explain a few things. The rest had passed out through nostril blood loss, including a certain kendo practitioner behind a tree.  
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Akane's cheeks were inflamed beyond any embarrassment she had ever experienced after catching some of the things being said about her.  
  
"Did you see in the school yard?"  
  
"So, Akane swings that way?"  
  
"I guess none of the perverts had a chance with her, huh?"  
  
"But doesn't that make Akane a pervert?"  
  
"Who is that redheaded tart after my Akane-chan?"  
  
"I think the redhead's kinda cute, Yuka."  
  
"Then why aren't you sitting next to her?"  
  
Sure enough, a large ring of desks were formed around the madly grinning redhead, who was busy deciding her plan of attack on the room, so many pleasures, so little time. Even the teacher was backed against the chalkboard, weary of the new student after she attempted to 'introduce' herself to the rest of the class.   
  
Eventually Akane dug up enough courage to approach Ranma, "Er, Ranma? Would you like to change back to a guy?"   
  
The redhead turned back towards her potential fiancée with a guileless face, "No."  
  
The youngest Tendou was not accustomed to being told 'no' so flat out, allowing rage to overpower her nervousness of being near someone so promiscuous, "You're changing back to a guy, and THAT'S FINAL!" Akane grasped the smaller girl's arm, and found herself held firmly in place. Turning a look of pure anger back to her houseguest, that look immediately melted and the nervousness returned at the look Ranma was giving her. I wasn't her outright lustful leer; in its place was an expression stone cold that brooked no arguing against.  
  
"I said, no," said the pigtailed girl in a steely monotonous voice. Akane could only nod as she turned slowly away, slightly in shock to walk back to her desk. Her shock was immediately replaced by outrage as she felt a slap and a goose on her rump. "Maybe a tomboy, but you're MY tomboy with a cute lil rump!"  
  
"You see that?"  
  
"Akane's her bitch! Yup I heard it all right!"  
  
"Akane does have a cute butt."  
  
"Does that girl have no shame?"  
  
"Man, if she's like that, we'll never have a chance at either one!"  
  
"Dude, haven't you noticed? You defiantly have a chance, EVERYTHING BIPEDAL AND THEN SOME has a chance!"  
  
"I don't care if he's a perverted boy, he's less perverted as a guy than a girl," groused Akane, though she was more embarrassed and hoping to at least curb some of the rumors about her preference with her nest stunt. She made a beeline for the sink, ran hot water in a bucket, and marched back to the desk in the center of the room. Ranma was too busy leering at one of the guys that was unfortunate to make eye contact with her to notice the steaming liquid flying in her direction.  
  
"HEY THAT'S HOT... huh? I'm a guy again? I'M A GUY AGAIN!!!" Ranma danced around as the classroom did a unified blink, attempting to clear away the illusion of where there once was a girl radiating way too much sexuality, to a guy prancing around like an idiot. Prancing around until his skull was nearly cracked open by a mallet.  
  
"Hmph, keep your hands to yourself... pervert!" Akane stomped off, leaving the puddle of flesh on the floor attempting to gurgle out that it wasn't his fault.  
  
"Uh, Akane, did that redhead just change to a guy?" enquired one of Akane's friends  
  
"Huh, oh yes he did, Chinese curse or something rather." Akane stated as if she was saying the sky was blue. Her friends only nodded in unison, it was as good an explanation as any they figured.  
  
"AKANE!!! PIGTAILED GIRL! I CANNOT PERMIT THIS TRAVESTY!!! ALLOW THE PURENESS OF MY MANHOOD FREE YOU FROM YOUR UNNATURAL AND FORSAKEN WAYS!!!" Kuno crashed through the door, waving his bokken around in frenzy.  
  
"WHAT? Kuno, what are you talking about?" asked Akane incredulously, not that she didn't know what he was probably referring to, she had just hoped she could ignore it and it would go away.  
  
"FEAR NOT FAIR AKANE, I SHALL ALLOW YOU AND THE AMOROUS PIGTAILED ONE TO BATHE IN MY MASCULINITY UNTIL YOUR PLIGHT HAS BEEN RECTIFIED!"  
  
"Must you yell?" whined the teacher, who had just came out of his catatonic state due to the interruption of reality through the surrealness of the beginning of class.  
  
"Ah, sorry sensei. Now, where was I? Oh yes! You may DATE with me!" With that, Kuno flung himself at Akane braced to defend herself. Fortunately a foot to Kuno's jaw kept her from dirtying her hands.  
  
"Hmm? What made me do that?" Thought Ranma as he removed his foot from Kuno's chin and flipped from out of his one-handed handstand.  
  
"And who are you, knave? Enquired Kuno.  
  
"Uh, I'm..."  
  
"Wait, is it not customary for one to give his own name first? Very well, my name is upperclassmen Kuno, Junior Group E..."  
  
"Captain of the Kendo Club..." mocked one of the boys during Kuno's recital.  
  
"Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world," imitated one girl.  
  
"But my peers call me the shoo...huh?" another student trailed off when he noticed Kuno actually saying something different  
  
"THE BLUE THUNDER OF FURINKAN HIGH"  
  
"Blue Thunder? I thought it was Shooting Star."  
  
"Whatever, we'll just call him 'True Blunder' instead of 'Shooting too Far'"   
  
"True Blunder, good one, heh"  
  
"Well, I'm staying at the Tendou Dojo..." commented Ranma, idly noting Akane slapped her forehead in exasperation.  
  
"WHAT? Under the same roof as Akane? I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!" Kuno dashed after Ranma, thrusting his bokken in a complex form. Much to his chagrin, Ranma weaved in and out of the strikes like a thick smoke.  
  
"I'm heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts," stated Ranma, never missing a beat, then back flipped away from Kuno's attacks, did a half gator over the ring of desks, and landed by the broken door. "I am Ranma Saotome, and I accept your challenge!"  
  
Ranma then looked around for a sec, "This isn't a place to hold a fight, follow me."  
  
"You cannot outrun me, scoundrel, I shall follow you to Hell for hounding Akane Tendou!"  
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As both combatants rushed down the hall, the teacher turned back to the rest of the class, "who believes it would be pointless to continue class?"  
  
The one remaining student raised his hand.  
  
"Very well," with that, the teacher fainted.  
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Further down the hall, Ranma found an open window, "Let's get outside. This way!" with that, Ranma leapt out the window.  
  
"Fear not," shouted Kuno as he followed.  
  
"Hey wait! This is the third floor!" Shouted a student incredulously.  
  
"No sweat, I'm..." Ranma was immediately silenced when he saw what was under him.  
  
"No, oh please no," whined Akane, dreading having to deal with Ranma's not so 'better half'.  
  
"Man, he's lucky there was a pool down there," stated one student  
  
"NONONONONONO!!! Not water, ANYTHING BUT WATER!!!!" Screamed Saotome, who suddenly tried to swim upwards in the air as a transformation trigger headed straight for him.  
  
Every student held his or her breath until something surfaced.  
  
"There's Kuno, he's coming up!"  
  
"But what's happened to Saotome?"  
  
That question was answered as Kuno was suddenly and forcibly lifted from the water from under, and pinned to the walkway around the pool.  
  
"Yummy," cooed Onna-Ranma.  



	2. The Second 'Coming'

  
  
  
"Oh Gods! She's mauling Kuno!" screamed one of the girls. That was one perspective of looking at it.  
  
"Wow, Kuno's tougher than I thought, she hasn't drawn blood yet," commented another student.  
  
"I thought Kuno is much more skilled than that, what's he doing?"  
  
From the looks of things, he was panicking.   
  
There comes a point, a life or death situation, a fight that is so chaotic, that even the most seasoned fighters will abandon a good portion of form in lieu of just the straight attempt to maim your opponent. Kuno had far exceeded that point, not because he was in a life or death situation, but because his tightly weaved veil over reality was being threatened to be rent asunder. He did in fact in his delusions believe that all women were his for the conquering, problem is his own comprehension for, shall we say, 'family planning', didn't reach far beyond the 'dating' phase. Sure from his 'epic' Samurai videos he collected, he learned phrases like 'deflowering', unfortunately he had no idea what that was associated with.  
  
Thus one of the general rules of Kunoland's laws of physics comes into conflict with the entreating reality. Women were supposed to be pure, demure, and worship his manliness, not strip him bare and paw for unmentionables. The Samurai wannabe's already excessively stressed cranium found him in a situation he couldn't comprehend on an intelligible level, so what would the solution be to such a breach in his delusional defenses?  
  
Why, beat it with a stick until it stopped moving, of course.  
  
Ranma-chan herself was finding it difficult to maneuver herself around the wild attacks while shucking a prime specimen of play meat. Of course never let it be known that Ranma ever backed down from a challenge.  
  
"KAMIS, IT'S ATTACHING ITSELF TO MY HIP!" screamed the Kendo practitioner, signs that higher level thinking were somewhat returning as he started to swing his wooden sword a bit faster.  
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"Someone wanna get down there and help Kuno?" enquired the hall monitor. Most of the students took a step back, all but one.  
  
"HEY!" yelled that one student indignantly.  
  
"Well Akane, looks like you're volunteered."  
  
"Sorry, Akane, better you than me"  
  
"You know her, him, whatever better, you deal with it."  
  
"But, but I don't even LIKE Kuno," the youngest Tendou daughter complained, but begrudgenly decided to follow the martial artists' credo, to help those who cannot defend themselves, not that there was any sort of practical defense against Kuno's current threat.  
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"Pigtailed girl, this behavior, DON'T TOUCH THAT, is not the customary way that things, EEE-HEE HEE, are to be, OOOOH, done! STOP THAT!" Kuno finally managed to shake the humanoid redheaded octopus off of him and get into ready stance, albeit shakily as seeing as how his hakama was down around his ankles.  
  
Ranma pulled herself back to her feet, spitting out a piece of fabric in her mouth and tossing Kuno's belt to the side, "why don't we just cut to the chase and drop them Goddamn britches," countered the redhead as she slowly walked towards the Kendoist.  
  
"Er, um, only if you defeat me will I allow you to date with me!" That was probably the dumbest stall tactic that he ever could have conceived.  
  
Onna-Ranma tilted her head to the side slightly before answering, "Okay." Kuno didn't even get a chance to blink as he was doubled over the girl's right fist.  
  
"So, so fast!" thought Kuno to himself, "she's as skilled as, no, MORE skilled than Akane Tendou!"  
  
"I guess this means you're time is mine now," stated the girl mirthfully, "I have so many wonderful ideas how to spend it," she then began to recite those 'things'.  
  
Kuno promptly fainted.  
  
"Well, you don't necessarily NEED to be awake for all of it," mused Ranma-chan as she hefted the comatose Kendoist onto her shoulder, unaware of the wave of hot water heading her way.  
  
"AAAAHHHHH!!!!" Ranma wasted no time dropping Kuno, causing him to lose his balance himself and crabwalk back away from the True Blunder, nearly falling back into the pool again. Fortunately Akane dove on top of him, as if a soldier trying to smother a deadly biological weapon with their body, pinning the pigtailed boy from moving any further.  
  
"Please be a guy, please be a guy, please be a guy," went Akane's mantra; she didn't even want to think what the situation would be if Ranma was currently in his girl form. After several seconds, Akane finally gathered enough nerve to look up. Ranma, thankfully, was a guy, though he was frozen stiff with his pigtail sticking straight out.  
  
"*Sigh*, I guess staying at school wouldn't be productive," Akane thought to herself, as she hefted the statuesque martial artist onto her shoulder.  
  
"Akane, where are you going? We still have half a day of school yet!"  
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"So, I heard Akane looked out for you at school today," enquired Genma, resting comfortably in a meditative position on his head.  
  
"I don't think she was doing it for my benefit," groused Ranma, meditating in a similar position.  
  
"What do you.... oh."  
  
"You got it, Pop."  
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"So, is it any of your business, Akane? I mean, what's wrong with a boy who turns into a girl?" Akane turned and glared at Nabiki with a half lidded gaze from her desk.  
  
"Okay, that sounded hollow to me too," Admitted Nabiki.  
  
"Everyone's spreading rumors about me, they're saying that I'm..."  
  
"A swinger? Fence sitter? Still out on the Jury? Playing for both sides? In the boys and girls scouts? Enjoy the hotdog and the bun? Washes the..."  
  
"I GET THE POINT!" Yelled Akane as she turned back to her homework.  
  
"Uh, I'm just kidding, sis, no need to get hostile," Nabiki placated, sweating from the near miss of the notebook that Akane threw at her; yeah, the one currently imbedded in the wall behind her. "By the way, um, you DID make sure to lock your door, right?"  
  
Akane quickly looked at her door, and relaxed, "Yeah, the deadbolt's set." Nabiki herself relaxed after that.  
  
"Anyhow, I don't want the rest of the school thinking I'm also some kinda pervert!"  
  
"I think we're well past that status marker, Akane-chan."  
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Ranma slowly brought his hand down from almost knocking on Akane's door, "Why that little, and I was gonna thank her for bailing me out?" Ranma slid down the banister, not noticing Kasumi carrying a pail of water for mopping.  
  
The eldest Tendou daughter discovered reflexes she never knew she had, as she attempted to leap back without spilling a drop of gender altering liquid onto the incoming boy. It was a valiant attempt, but otherwise fruitless. Kasumi did double time out of Ranma's general vicinity (suddenly realizing she had a book to borrow from Dr. Tofu), while the red headed girl slowly stood back up, flattened her wet shirt against her breasts, turned towards Akane's general direction upstairs, and smiled.  
  
"Come to think of it, 'thanking her' is just what I'll do... tonight."  
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Eventually, Akane and Nabiki withdrew from the latter's room once Kasumi had called that dinner was ready, not noticing their youngest houseguest slip into Akane's room. Ranma approached Akane's window, and opened it a bit. She then took the piece of gum out of her mouth she had been chewing, and stuck it into the notch for where the latch would lock the window in place.  
  
The pigtailed girl chuckled sinisterly as she closed the window and exited the room.  
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Everyone was extremely nervous during dinner, Ranma absolutely refusing to allow anyone to change her back to male while keeping a close eye on her father and Akane for any surprise attacks. A great deal of the agitation from almost all present came from the fact that, other than the brief glances towards Akane and the sinister giggles she would emit, Ranma was rather subdued. Everyone was afraid, VERY afraid.  
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"Yup, that was delicious, probably almost as good as you're gonna taste, Kasumi," Kasumi spit up the mouthful of rice across the table; her father moving behind her and patting her on the back as she choked on a few grains that went down the wrong pipe.  
  
"So, Akane, care to join me for a bit of practice in the dojo?" Akane stared intently at the redhead; trying to decipher whatever double meaning she KNEW had to be in what she was asked.  
  
"Er, no thanks, I, uh, wanna finish my homework."  
  
"Hmm? Thought you had plenty of time to finish that up. Well, it's your loss, a good workout really gets the juices flowing."  
  
"WILL YOU STOP THAT?" screamed the youngest Tendou daughter.  
  
"Eh? Stop what?" asked Ranma guilelessly, though she was getting EXTREMELY hot with thoughts of dominating Akane and her obvious temper.  
  
"The euphemisms! Don't think I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"Akane, if I was gonna tell you I wanted to grab you by the legs and lick you like I was a Hell resident with a melting ice-cream cone, I would tell you outright. You really need to get your mind out of the gutter."  
  
"W-what?" enquired Akane incredulously.  
  
"I mean, the way you threw yourself on top of my male form earlier today, simply scandalous."  
  
"How-HOW DARE YOU!!! YOU, YOU, YOU PERVERT!"  
  
"Oh, you're gonna find out just how much a pervert we both are tonight," though Ranma to herself, her only outward reply was a smirk, "as much as I would like to sit here and chew the... heh heh, I need to get some practice in before beddy bye."  
  
Ranma walked out to the dojo, leaving the others in silence.  
  
"Saotome, just WHAT have you brought into our house?" asked Soun firmly.  
  
"I don't know, Tendou, but it frightens me."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
As the hour climbed, everyone retired for their nights rest, though not before ensuring that each and every entrance to his or her rooms was secure. Ranma had the guest room all to herself, her father opting to sleep on the floor of Mr. Tendou's room.  
  
"Man, make a pass once, and they never let you live it down," groused the cursed young lady, as she waited intently for any sounds of fluttering to die out and snores reigned the night.  
  
Once she surmised the coast was clear, Ranma kicked off her covers, revealing her red leather bodice with matching vinyl thong underwear, walked up to the window and opened it. The Redhead swung herself onto the roof and shivered from the cold air and anticipation of what was to come (heh heh) soon. The buxom and underdressed girl stealthily made her way across the roof to where Akane's window would be.  
Hanging herself upside down, Ranma pulled a thin stiff ('stiff' such a delicious word) wire from between her bust, and wormed (ah, how that word just rolls off the tongue, 'wormed') it into where the latch caught into the frame. The gum kept the latch from completely securing, and made Ranma's job much easier (and quieter) to get her entryway open.  
  
Ranma chuckled softly to herself as she slowly opened the window without a sound, then just as quietly flipped into Akane's room. The room's owner slept somewhat fitfully and had kicked the covers off of herself. Ranma smiled, as it was time to make her presence known.  
  
Akane groggily awoke to a peculiar vibrating sound. Her mind remained hazed as she scanned her room, but immediately cleared when she sighted her other occupant.  
  
"Akane, Akane, how is your potential fiancée supposed to make a midnight visit if you lock the window? Just so inconsiderate."  
  
"Oh, I get it, I'm dreaming; if I will it hard enough, you'll disappear," with that, Akane closed her eyes in concentration, and when she opened them again, Ranma was still there, with a maddening grin on her face, plus her hand on her hips, minus a red leather bodice.  
  
"ACK!" Akane closed her eyes again, and opened them to find Ranma back to being somewhat clothed.  
  
"Sorry, 'Kane-chan, but we're both awake," stated the redhead smugly.  
  
"Touch me, and I'll beat you within an inch of your life!"  
  
Ranma looked curiously at Akane, "really, I think you saw the way I took out Kuno, and I've seen how you move. Do you really think you can defeat me?"  
  
"I'll, I'll scream rape!" stated Akane firmly.  
  
"Well, I did always picture you as a screamer; it would be a shame to have to use the ball gag to stop those beautiful sounds from escaping."  
  
"Please, why can't you let me sleep?" whined Akane.  
  
"Because, I owe you for twice switching me today, when I preferred to remain as I was," that same monotonous steely voice that Onna-Ranma used on Akane in class earlier was back, though with a slightly higher chill factor. Then Ranma's disposition changed back to a cheery one, "besides, I wanted to try this outfit on just for you. The red matches my hair well and does a good job of making any blood stains unnoticeable."  
  
"Blo-blood stains?" squeaked out Akane, infinitely dreading the answer.  
  
"Well, yeah, you're a virgin, right?" Ranma asked innocently, then her face changed to one of a feral carnivore that just spotted a red meat buffet, as she took a purposeful stride towards Akane.  
  
The youngest Tendou daughter's eyes went wide in fright.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane's blood curdling scream woke up the whole Tendou household, along with anyone residing in a three-block radius. The second set of screams came of a different nature, the neighbors grumbling about 'newlyweds' and 'soundproofing'.  
  
Each of the others in the Tendou household mourned Akane, the first casualty of war.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma wrapped it all up at about four in the morning, still straddling a thoroughly exhausted Akane. The Redhead pulled herself off of Akane and strode for the door.  
  
"Now remember, Akane-chan," whispered Ranma, "you're Ranma's bitch now!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Breakfast took on a subdued air, each person taking a different approach to handling what happened last night; Nabiki sat as far away from both Ranma and Akane as she could, Kasumi had forsaken her flask and was straight hitting the bottle, Genma shoveled food into his mouth faster than usual, and Soun hid in a shell of total oblivion.  
  
Akane looked as if she had ran a three-day marathon, while Ranma was grinning like the cat that ate... well the cat that just committed cannibalism.  
  
"My, you're looking rather... chipper today, Ranma," stated Kasumi, taking another swig.  
  
"Oh yeah, I defiantly had a 'fulfilling' sleep last night! How about you Akane?"  
  
The girl stated snapped to attention, "Yes, Ranma-sama."  
  
And there was silence...  
  
"Oh, that's nice then," replied Kasumi, who started guzzling from the bottle. Nabiki started hyperventilating, Genma managed to double his eating speed, and Soun just continued to read the morning paper upside down.  
  
"Gee, Nabiki, are you okay?" Ranma asked with a seemingly sincere voice, which was quickly undermined when she mouthed 'you're next' to the middle Tendou daughter. That stopped her breathing fit real quick-like.  
  
"Uh, justrememberedimportantsomethingatschoolearlygottarunbreakfastwasdelicioussis," with that, Nabiki made a mad dash to freedom. Genma tried to be helpful and finished off her breakfast remains.  
  
"Nabiki seems real jittery, you think she needs to learn to relax, Akane-chan?"  
  
"Whatever you say, Ranma-sama," Akane replied in a subdued voice.  
  
"Oh my, I think I have another bottle under the sink," mused Kasumi, as she looked up into the bottle she was holding for it's very last drop.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Sure I know her, the girl with the pigtail and Chinese clothes."  
  
"Nabiki Tendou, is this true?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but I would think you do not want to know her," stated Nabiki firmly; nobody in their right mind would want to get to know him/her.  
  
Nabiki blinked as Kuno started to compose a note, "Heh, heh, heh, if she thinks she can molest upperclassman Kuno and simply walk away, she thinks wrongly!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"This is for me?" questioned a male Ranma, having been (rejoicefully) blindsided by his father with a hot water balloon.  
  
"'To the Girl Flame haired water nymph,' he said, I don't think he believes you're the same person," answered Nabiki.  
  
Ranma went on to read the note, "On Sunday in the tenth hour, meet me in the second field of Furinkan High School."  
  
"Sounds like a duel, huh Ranma-sama?"  
  
Ranma gave Akane an exasperated look, "look, for the last time, DON'T CALL ME THAT!"  
  
"Of course, Ranma-sama."  
  
"Listen, you sexless, uncute..." Ranma sternly felt being interrupted.  
  
"I'm sorry for grinding my elbow into your skull, Ranma-sama."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
The following Sunday morning was met with a highly agitated Onna-Ranma. The reason for her constitution was that Nabiki learned from Akane's mistakes, making a quiet entry into her room near impossible. Ranma was quite sure Nabiki made contingency plans if the pigtailed redhead decided to do away with being subtle, but Ranma was determined.  
  
"So, you have come, Flame haired water nymph."  
  
"Well, you have the 'nymph' part close," said the girl with a smirk, "I guess you wanna rematch, huh? Well where's you're sword? I don't want this conquer to be too easy now."  
  
"Heh, I have no need of a sword," stated Kuno arrogantly.  
  
"Sigh, overconfident, well I guess I'll just end this quick. No use in wasting each other's stamina."  
  
"Confident enough to give you... THIS."  
  
Ranma caught the object hurled at her, and blinked a couple of times, "Uh, me and Pandachan are both Shinto-Buddhist," replied the girl as she tossed the Christian cross back at Kuno. What was that all about?"  
  
"Hmph, you think me naive enough not to see through your insidious plot?"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma answered intelligently.  
  
"You were summoned by the cowardly and fiendish Ranma Saotome, a succubus herald sent to corrupt the Angelic Akane Tendou and spoil my very chastity!"  
  
"Wow, you actually come up with that yourself?" Ranma asked, sincerely impressed by the levels of delusion the Kendoist had reached, "anyhow, I ain't a succubus, and crosses only work for Vampires."  
  
"Well then, you shall fall before THIS, foul Succubus!" Kuno held before him a small bundle of weeds.  
  
"Uh, wolf's bane only works for werewolves, and I told you already I ain't a...."  
  
"SPARE ME YOUR LIES, creature of the Night!"  
  
"Uh, but it's day out, morning in fact," stated Ranma.  
  
"AH HAH! Then be felled by THIS."  
  
"Garlic's also for Vampires," replied Ranma with a bored look on her face.  
  
"Then this?"  
  
"What did you do? Mold that silver bullet out yourself? Werewolves again."  
  
"Then what WOULD it take to be rid of you, Demoness?"  
  
"A screaming orgasm?" enquired Ranma-chan, a bit too hopefully.  
  
"AH! SCREAMING ORGASM! I have heard of such an alcoholic concoction! I shall endeavor to collect enough spirits to do away with your evilness! You had not heard the last of the Great Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"  
  
Ranma stared blankly back at the retreating Kendoist, finally slumping to her knees as all brain functions were rerouted to deducing exactly what had gone wrong in that conversation.  
  
After much contemplation, Ranma came upon an answer, "But, but I'm still horny," of course, not an answer but forth by anything other than her libido.  



	3. Ranma vs the Blueballs of Furinkan High

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
Chapter 3; Ranma vs. the Blue Balls of Furinkan High   
  
  
A male Ranma and Akane ran towards the school, both falling slightly late this morning due to having to wash themselves from certain activities. Fortunately, Onna-Ranma had forgot about her curse trigger, and reverted back to male as soon as she hit the furor.   
  
Of course, that respite wasn't to last long, as Ranma managed to run into an arc of water as he passed by a certain old lady's house.   
  
"Man, sucks I can't even enjoy a hot bath without reverting back to the virgin," groused the newly released Ranma-chan, continuing their pace towards classes without breaking stride.   
  
"Huh? Ranma-sama? You're a virgin?" enquired Akane incredulously.   
  
"KEEP IT DOWN! I have a rep you know!" retorted the redhead, "Yeah, I have this disease called 'morality' while I'm a guy. Won't let me take advantage of anyone, how crappy is that?"   
  
"I see."   
  
As they reached the gates of Furinkan, Akane's daily workout rushed towards her.   
  
"AKANE TENDOU'S HERE!"   
  
"WITH HER SAPPHIC LOVER!"   
  
Akane stopped immediately, and gave a questioning glance to her companion.   
  
"Go to town, just don't wear yourself out," permitted Ranma.   
  
Akane grinned and turned back to the hoard   
  
"AKANE! SAY YOU'LL GO OUT WITH M--*"   
  
SAOTOME, CAN I GET IN SOME OF THE AC--*   
  
Akane moved like the standard juggernaut through the squad. Ranma watched this, and found her self being quickly turned on (like the switch had that much farther to be flipped), and decided that it would be well worth being late to class.   
  
"AKANE TENDOU! I SHALL RELEASE YOU FROM THE SPELL THE EVIL SORCERER SAOTOME AND HIS CRIMSON TRESSED SUCCUBUS HAS PLACED ON YOU!"   
  
Akane's foot connected solidly with Kuno's jaw, allowing him to gently release his hold on consciousness. After Akane settled down, she felt herself immediately jerked by her arm, "Wha? Ranma-sama?"   
  
"Janitor's closet, NOW!" The redhead panted out, panting heavily with a slight stream of drool down the corner of her mouth. Needless to say, anyone else gave wide birth to allow the two to pass.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"What's this?" asked Nabiki as she stared at the cute blond doll.   
  
"It's a cute little dolly," Stated Kuno.   
  
"Not my style," Nabiki handed the dolly back to the kendoist with a bit of distain.   
  
"Did I offer it to *you*, Nabiki Tendou? This meager token, I save for Saotome's Crimson tressed Succubus."   
  
Nabiki wiped her mouth from the juice that dripped down it before replying, "Now look what you made me do!"   
  
"What I made you do?" enquired Kuno, his face awash with the rest of Nabiki's juices.   
  
"Not that I think she would turn anything that walks on two or more feet down, you would probably be better off giving her a blowup doll."   
  
"I am unsure why she would appreciate inflatable merchandise, but it is but a part of my ingenious plan to save Akane from the perversions of the evil sorcerer Saotome."   
  
"You're about three days too late for that," quipped Nabiki with a half lidded stare, "And what, prey tell, is this master plan?"   
  
"I shall woe his flame haired familiar away from him, and once she has realized my immense manliness and sees the side of justice, she will leave the fiendish Saotome and he will lose power in his dark magiks to enslave your fair sister, then I shall strike him down for the vengeance of Heaven is slow but sure!"   
  
"Uh, right," replied the middle Tendou sister. "Hmm, sounds like Kuno doesn't want to admit it, but he's fallen for the little sex fiend," the girl thought to herself, "I can use this to my advantage."   
  
Nabiki slapped a set of photos onto the desk in front of Kuno, "Set of five for nine thousand Yen." Triple the amount Nabiki was gonna charge the various other boys for these pictures when she was asked if she could get some shots of the redhead and her sister in the act, but Kuno would easily be willing to pay for whatever he obsessed on. Besides for what she went through to get them...   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki had woken up earlier than usual for this photo opportunity. Actually, with all the noise Akane and Ranma had been making during the night, she hadn't had the need to wake up. Ranma 'courteously' left her door open after her late night rendezvous with her younger sister, making Nabiki's job all that much easier.   
  
Apparently this night's session left the redhead a bit more exhausted than before, as Ranma laid provocatably curled on top of the covers of her futon. Nabiki was delighted that after just one shot, Ranma flopped over fitfully, one breast bouncing out of her tank top.   
  
"Wow, you sleep as fitfully as my little sis," thought the middle Tendou daughter to her self as she continued to take pics of Ranma from different angles. Ranma started to flip around, trying to get comfortable in her slumber, providing Nabiki with several Kodak moments.   
  
Nabiki's eyes lit up with yen sign as she estimated the worth of what she was getting on film, as the redhead's postures became more and more provocative. Nabiki stopped and stared incredulously as Ranma's hand suddenly snaked into her boxers.   
  
"Why'd you stop taking pictures? They'll last you longer," an obviously awake Ranma enquired, her hand purposefully moving about in her underwear.   
  
"AWK!!!!" Nabiki realized that she was alone, in Ranma's room, while said redhead was fully aroused and gunning for her. The middle Tendou sister's body kicked into Defcon 4 evasive action, as she warped out of the room, Ranma-chan following shortly behind her.   
  
"Yum, yum, eatemup eatemup! Yum!" gleed Ranma as the chase was on.   
  
Two blurs swiftly moved through the house into the front yard, where Nabiki discovered her hidden martial prowess as she vaulted over the wall in a single bound.   
  
"Whoa, hidden talent!" exclaimed Ranma to her self, gleefully having that notion followed by other possible hidden 'talents' the other girl may have. The redhead followed over the wall to find her query had disappeared.   
  
Frustrated, Ranma walked in through the gate doors, unnoticing of someone nudged tightly under the entrance roof in fear of being caught.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"You want?" offered Nabiki as she violently shot off the unpleasant memory.   
  
"OOOH! She's so, so, so... uninhibited!" proclaimed Kuno   
  
"And sluttish, and over-sexed, and..." Nabiki continued the list, "You're really something, you know? I mean, how do you intend to woe this 'succubus' away from Ranma, they're actually pretty close, you know."   
  
"HA! Saotome is NOTHING before my godliness! Before me, he is no man I tell you, HE IS NOT A MAN!"   
  
"Probably not at the moment," commented Nabiki.   
  
"I shall devote much of my energy towards the crimson haired demoness until she is no longer within the Sorcerer's thrall."   
  
"So, you're planning on two-timing my sister?" Technically, it wouldn't be two-timing, since Nabiki was sure Onna-Ranma believed in 'share and share alike.'   
  
"Hmph, don't be vulgar. Akane, the angel that the Kami had rewarded to me for my righteousness, The Flame haired succubus that is my mission to woe away from the legions of Hell. Is it wrong for me to follow fate and take both to date with me?"   
  
"Exactly on what side of the planet does the sky grow on in your world, Kuno-baby?" idly enquired Nabiki as she tossed another set of photos onto the desk, "three thousand yen for the set."   
  
"Ah, such ferocity, such bearing, such...." Kuno was cut off by the sound of his own sinuses exploding in two jets of crimson liquid."   
  
"Whoops, how did that one get in there?" Asked Nabiki as she quickly picked up the photo featuring two 'born free' young ladies in the midst of some Greco-Roman style wrestling.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"It's probably not a problem, but smells like that really mean you should have them checked out. You never know when it can be developing into something serious," stated Ranma-chan matter-of-factly to a blushing Akane.   
  
"Okay, Ranma-sama," the youngest Tendou hadn't stopped blushing since their trip to the janitor's closet. She had been VERY thankful that Ranma waited until then, for she knew that the redhead only even dragged her into the small closet for Akane's benefit, Ranma had no qualms about extreme public displays of affection. Nonetheless, all that witnessed the two girls enter had a good idea of what the screaming, moaning, and occasional growling and squeaking was all about.   
  
"Okay, Ranma-sama."   
  
"So, is there a doctor around here that you go to? I mean I gotta, heh, check him or her out if they're gonna be touching my little honey pot."   
  
Akane's blush took an even deeper shade, "wa-well, there's Tofu-sensei, he took care of all my bruises when I was younger."   
  
"Oh goodie! So is he prime rib material? Can he handle both of us at once?"   
  
"WHA?!? He-HE'S NOT LIKE THAT!!!" shouted Akane, drawing the attention of everyone else. Ranma threw them all a frigid glance that told them to mind their own business before turning back to her mattress mate.   
  
"I, I mean he's kind and sweet, and he already has a crush on someone," Akane said the last part with a slight pout that Ranma didn't miss. The Redhead moved her head towards Akane's until their lips met, followed shortly by tongues. The kiss continued for several seconds as the sound of male (and a few female) bodies hitting the floor prevailed.   
  
"Don't worry, my little chew toy, if you want him in the sack, I'll help him get over this 'crush' of his, perhaps we'll invite him or her over for a good ol' orgy."   
  
"That, that won't be necessary," responded Akane nervously, she may be a bit more... open in some things now, but incest isn't an area she wished to cover.   
  
"Suit yourself, more of you for me anyhow. So who's the hot number that this Doctor wants to play doctor with?"   
  
"Um, I... can't tell you that," supplied Akane meekly.   
  
Ranma narrowed her eyes, "can't, or won't tell me?"   
  
"I JUST CAN'T, OKAY?"   
  
Ranma sucked in her breath at the outburst, apparently her little love slave still retained some of her fiery passion, she may still be able to mold her into the perfect demon in the sack yet, "Okay, okay, don't get a hot flash over it. Wanna make out in front of the whole class?"   
  
Before Akane could answer (positively, in a submissive manner), she spotted her sister approaching cautiously, "Ranma?"   
  
"Oh, hey Nabiki, I missed ya this morning!" cheerfully greeted the redhead.   
  
"Er, right, Kuno wants to meet with you."   
  
"REALLY?!? You're not just teasing me, are ya? Though you can tease me all you want as long as I get those pert little tits of yours in the end."   
  
Nabiki fought down a shudder of revulsion and made a mental note to try harder to keep away from Ranma from now on, "No joke, he's waiting for you outside."   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
On her way to meet Kuno, a hot water pipe hidden behind the cold drinking fountain burst, dousing the redhead and changing her back to his proper gender. Ranma breathed a sigh of relief, but decided to continue on to see what it was that Kuno wanted.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"And just what are YOU doing here, Saotome? I specifically requested your pigtailed succubus," questioned Kuno with distain.   
  
"Whatever you want with her, you can let her know through me," Stated Ranma firmly.   
  
"Hmph, you think yourself so clever as to hide her away now that I have a defense against her wanton ways? Mark my words Saotome, I shall pry her from your evil influence and convert her to the side of the angels even against your interferences!" Pledged Kuno, holding a dolly in the air.   
  
"Why are you holding a dolly in the air?" enquired the confused pig tailed martial artist.   
  
"Wha? Oh!" Kuno quickly switched his bokken for the doll, but by then the moment had passed.   
  
"For your own sake, Kuno, forget about her," stated Ranma, "If I had my way, you'd never see...her... again." Ranma walked away from Kuno and turned the corner.   
  
*SPASH*   
  
"Hey, what if Ranma was down there?" asked one boy, the cursed boy's other form may be well endowed and more than willing, but something about her was very... unnerving.   
  
"Then we run as fast as we can, screaming our asses off," answered the other boy. She didn't unnerve him, he was frigg'n TERRIFIED!   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"What do you mean, 'never see her again', Ranma Saotome?" demanded Kuno, if the sorcerer would not allow Kuno the chance to remove his familiar from his grasp, Akane may never be able to break the spell upon her. The swordsman didn't have much more time than to hold his arms up, as an amorous redhead jumped onto him.   
  
"Is that a bokken you're waving around, or are you just trying to impress me?" said Onna-Ranma in a sultry voice.   
  
Kuno was unprepared for the girl, but managed to shake her off anyhow, "It is indeed a bokken, demoness, what else could it be?"   
  
"Your hot rod, maiden slayer, Mr. Happy Meat, Rose Royce, pot sticker..."   
  
Kuno blinked, not comprehending what she was implying, and held his [wooden] stick out for her display, "as I had said, it is a bokken. Note the fine aerodynamic curve of the blade to allow for easy pass through air, and the craftsmanship of the handle..."   
  
"Yeah, I know more than one way to handle it," interrupted the redhead, "enough chatter, let's screw."   
  
"Screw? I am not familiar with the term," Kuno blinked as he found himself sitting on a red leather sofa in front of a projection screen. Ranma sat behind him with a video projector loading a "Tokyo Maiden" video for Kuno's educational and viewing pleasure.   
  
"I have not time to enjoy a respite!" Kuno shouted with determination, standing up while Ranma frustratingly fiddling around with the remote control.   
  
"Dammit! Why do I have to set the time before I can watch anything?" She grumbled as she tossed the remote behind her and confronted Kuno, "so ready to get down and dirty?"   
  
"Neigh, I have only come to slay you, so that you may be reborn on the side of angels!"   
  
"Really now?" countered Ranma, slightly amused, "I heard Angels have pretty tight asGLUB!!!"   
  
Ranma was forced backwards as Kuno attempted to drown her with a bottle of Sake down her hatchet.   
  
"Drink, DRINK! And let the purifying nectar of Japan's finest wash away your sinful ways!"   
  
Ranma finally managed to pry the bottle from her mouth, slightly swaying in Kuno's arms, "Eeeyyouuuu rrreally di-didn't have ta-to get, hee hee, me drrrrrrrrunnnnk too get.... intoooo my pantiesssss, Kuno-cchhann," slurred the redhead."   
  
"Hmm, so you are also impervious to alcohol, regardless of how fine the vintage is," Mused Kuno, "very well then, I still have one method to slay you that I have not attempted."   
  
"Annnnd that, that is?" enquired a dazed and swaying Ranma-Chan.   
  
Kuno got a dangerous gleam in his eye and brought his bokken to bear, "a wooden stake through the heart."   
  
"EEP!" exclaimed Ranma-Chan, instantly sobering up, "heh, that would work on just about anything, wouldn't it?"   
  
"ENOUGH! I STRIKE!" Kuno's bokken became a blur of motion as he tried to stick it in the redhead. Ranma dodged and weaved around the strikes mostly centered in he chest area.   
  
"You bruise either of my breasts, you're sucking it till it feels better!" Stated Ranma firmly.   
  
"HOLD STILL SO I MAY PERFORATE YOU SO THAT THE LOVE FOR GOODNESS AND MINESELF FILL THOSE CAVITIES!!!" shouted the obsessed swordsman, speeding up in an effort to slay the 'succubus' before him.   
  
Behind Ranma, next to where Akane was standing, a stone obelisk began to crumble as wind facsimiles of Kuno's blade struck its surface.   
  
"Wow, just from air pressure alone," mumbled Nabiki in awe.   
  
"He's actually trying to hurt me! Looks like I'll have to rough him up a bit," thought the redhead to herself. With that decided, at the next available thrust, Ranma leapt straight into the air, and grabbed Kuno's bokken blade with her left hand, then planted both feet into Kuno's chest. Several pieces of photo paper caught the redhead's eye as she snatched one out of the air.   
  
"Hey, this is a good shot of me!" mused Ranma-chan; unaware of the opening she had left Kuno in her defenses. Ranma flew back a few yards from the blow to her ribs, landing right next to Akane. The youngest Tendou daughter gasped and involuntarily stepped back as she saw the look on her lover's face. With a feral growl, Ranma turned back to Kuno, her irises burning red instead of the calm, sparkling ocean blue they usually were.   
  
Without a further sound, Ranma became a blur of motion that seemed to head straight at Kuno, and then expand around him. In the tempest of blows, Akane could see Kuno dancing like a small flame in a gust, trying to keep from being extinguished. The redhead finally came to an abrupt stop about a couple yards away from Kuno, on her knees and facing her opponent. Kuno fell unceremoniously to the ground.   
  
Ranma crawled onto Kuno on all fours and bent her head down to his ear. Even from a distance, Akane could hear what she was saying.   
  
"I could have given you pleasure beyond anything your tiny little world could have ever known," purred the girl, "but then you had to go and hit me. Shame too..."   
  
Akane's eye widened as large as dinner plates at the next line...   
  
"...Since for that, you have to die."   
  
Akane ran towards the two, hoping to prevent cold-blooded murder. Her worries were immediately made unfounded as Ranma's hand plunged into the concrete ground just to the left of Kuno's head.   
  
"Then again, that would be such a waste. I mean that speed strike you did! Oooh I'm getting wet just thinking about it!"   
  
Akane and Nabiki did a firm and faultless face plant in unison.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
That night, Nabiki lay in bed, thinking about the fight between Kuno and Ranma earlier. She had also caught the dramatic change in color when the redhead became angry.   
  
"Just what is Ranma capable of?" Nabiki asked herself out loud, this new aspect of Ranma gave her pause. If his female side was to become angry enough, could she possibly harm her family?   
  
The middle Tendou daughter was brought out of her reverie by knocking on her window. Startled, she opened the curtains slightly to see a black haired, pigtailed figure hanging upside down her window.   
  
"Nabiki, lemme in, I need to talk to you, whispered Ranma from outside the window, his voice sounding extremely urgent. Nabiki couldn't deny the worried tone in the martial artist's voice, and did a thorough scan inside her room to make sure no liquids could be spilled, causing an 'incident'. Nabiki also looked outside to ensure no freak weather storms would, *ahem*, 'rain' on her parade. Once she was satisfied, Nabiki opened the window to allow the pigtailed boy in; she had some questions to ask him anyway for her piece of mind.   
  
The moon shifted from behind a cloud, illuminating the smirk on Ranma's face, that's when Nabiki realized her mistake... Ranma was way too short for her male form.   
  
Not even attempting to close the window, Nabiki made a hasteful dash for her door, quickly unlocked it as she had practiced in case of such an emergency occurred, and opened it to make her break...   
  
Only to have it slammed shut on her.   
  
"Sorry, Nabiki," apologized Akane's voice from the other side.   
  
"Oooooh... shit," said Nabiki in a monotone voice as she slide down the door and onto the floor. She turned towards Ranma, watching her as she slowly slinked over, stripping off her clothes.   
  
"Please, be gentle," squeaked out Nabiki as she closed her eyes and awaited what was coming to her.   
  
Ranma smiled, and from behind her back, pulled out a spreader bar and a horse bridle...


	4. The Trouble with Boys

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
Nabiki squirmed in her seat at the breakfast table, trying to get comfortable. She now felt a hatred that she had never known before. She hated Ranma; she hated the redheaded girl to a near impossible degree. She hated the pigtailed boy that came into their house a week ago. She hated her sister for helping that evil girl have her way with her. She hated the stains that soaked through to her mattress that will never come out. She hated the vile things that Onna-Ranma made her do and did to her. She hated the girl with a passion she couldn't comprehend. Worst of all, she hated how incredibly horny she was becoming thinking about how much she hated Ranma-chan. Unfortunately, she forced herself to obey Ranma's commandment, "self-indulgence without the proper supervision and assistance is strictly forbidden." Nabiki squirmed a bit more, trying to keep her mind off the wet spot forming under her.   
  
Kasumi knew that she was next, sans the dozens of apartment guides sitting on the kitchen counter. Kasumi frantically flipped through them, but the more she looked, the more discouraged she became.   
  
"Damn you father, and the years of servitude I gave you," growled the normally reserved young lady to herself, thinking about how she needed to have money, much less a job. The eldest Tendou daughter began to weep at the hopelessness.   
  
Akane sat calmly, albeit slightly drowsy, waiting for breakfast to be served. It was interesting to note that even with her sudden submissive attitude towards a certain redhead, she didn't seem to change at all. The Tendou patriarch and his best friend, with infinite wisdom, chose to have breakfast elsewhere.   
  
Otoku-Ranma came down the stairs, looking extremely weary, to sit down for breakfast. His female side was gonna be the death of him at this rate.   
  
"I hate you Saotome, I wish you were dead so I can squat over your mangled and decaying carcass and relieve a relatively full bladder," stated Nabiki in a low and dangerous voice.   
  
"Uh, would saying I'm sorry help any?"   
  
"Change. Upstairs. Now." Nabiki growled, her hormones finally beginning to get the best of her.   
  
"NO WAY! I'm staying a guy today! No matter what!" yelled Ranma, adamant about carrying out his pledge. He was quickly becoming desensitized to the memories of his female side's actions, but it still scared the begeezus out of him with the lack on control he felt during the change over.   
  
"Huh? I've been meaning to ask you, Ranma-sama."   
  
"Would you please quit calling me that?" Ranma pleaded.   
  
"Why is it when you're a guy, you hate being a girl, but when you're a girl you hate being a guy so much?" continued Akane, barely phased by 'Ranma-sama's' reaction.   
  
Ranma pouted for a bit before answering, "I don't like being a girl half the time, I'm a guy, I was born a guy and I should be a guy twenty-four seven! And when I'm a girl, it's just, just that everything I uphold in honor just stops meaning anything to me. If I'm changing that much, I don't think I know myself."   
  
Akane put her hand on Ranma's lap in comfort, though it had quite the opposite effect on the pigtailed boy. Before he could react though, he became a she.   
  
Nabiki sat across the table, holding an empty glass, staring at the redhead with a look of pure, smoldering hate and lust. It never took much to set Ranma off, especially since she was never 'on' to begin with. Ranma leapt at Nabiki, tackling the middle Tendou daughter to the ground.   
  
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! NOT AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!!!" screamed Akane, before pausing to add, "wow."   
  
Kasumi's wails became louder from the kitchen, managing to drown out the wails coming from beside the table.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
After being thoroughly satisfied, Nabiki used her cup of hot tea to revert the pigtailed martial artist before Ranma-chan could recover herself. Ranma glared balefully at the other girl, but begrudgeonly thanked her for changing him back.   
  
Nabiki shrugged in indifference, she got what she needed, and was set on her way to school.   
  
"She's... gonna be a problem, isn't she?" worried Ranma aloud. Akane didn't feel the need to verbally answer that.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Both Ranma and Akane reached the gates of Furinkan; Ranma jumping to the fore to protect Akane from the line of sports thugs she constantly fought every morning.   
  
"Ranma-sama, what do you think you're doing?" asked Akane harshly.   
  
"I ain't let'n you fight these jerks again. They don't need to be gaining up on ya every morning like this, it's just wrong."   
  
Akane searched his eyes, and found him sincere. Akane liked that look.   
  
Ranma felt the back of his head grabbed and pulled forward to a pair of waiting lips. Ranma's pigtail stood straight out as he received a potent and well executed kiss, taught to the youngest Tendou daughter by a pro in the area.   
  
Even if he was a perverted boy at the moment, Akane had to show her appreciation, "Thanks for caring, Ranma-sama, I'll let you know how much I appreciate this... later." Akane gave Ranma a saucy smirk and went into a ready stance; comfortable that Ranma would now not interfere.   
  
She was unexpecting of the group of boy's tears, "Akane Tendou, we shall no longer challenge you," Started the captain of the soccer team.   
  
"Instead we shall all swallow our sobs, and give our approval to your twisted, yet apparently fulfilling relationship to Ranma Saotome," finished the captain of the karate team once the leader of the Soccer team became too choked up to continue.   
  
"HEY! WHAT RELATIONSHIP?" Demanded Ranma, though nobody was buying that one at the moment.   
  
"You might wanna wipe the lip gloss from your mouth, Ranma-sama," Akane lightly warned Ranma, "you mean just because I got laid, you're gonna leave me alone?"   
  
"YOU'VE HAD SEX? OUR FINAL CHANCE IS OBLIVIATED!!!" Screamed someone within the crowd, what few that didn't ignore him gave him the same heartwarming look that many people would give to the town dunce.   
  
"We just have one request that you favor us with," said the Baseball team captain.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Can, um, we watch one time?"   
  
And thus the Hentai Horde lives on in memory.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"So, level with us," started Hiroshi, "how is Akane?"   
  
"I, uh, have no idea," answered Ranma lamely, there was already enough about his 'private' life open to public domain.   
  
"Don't play innocent, share! Is how tight is she?"   
  
"WHAT? How am I supposed to answer that?" shot back Ranma, he honestly wasn't sure what they had asked him."   
  
"Yeah, I bet Akane could tighten lug nuts with those thighs. Bet she's a screamer too."   
  
"Oh she's a.... shut up before I pound you two, you ain't gotta know any of the details since you're not gett'n any," countered Ranma, "besides, with a chunky chick like that?"   
  
"Yeah, but she's chunky in all the comfortable places," commented Daisuke, as they watched the girls playing softball on the other side of the field.   
  
"What does my female side see in that dorky chick anyhow," mused the pigtailed martial artist to himself, "she's uncute, built like a brick..." His reverie was cut off once he saw the smile on Akane's face.   
  
"Man, she's cute."   
  
"Ah, who says," commented Ranma, though his heart wasn't in it, Ranma glanced away and sighed.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Uh, Saotome, you've got karate reflexes, right? I mean, couldn't you have dodged it?"   
  
"Was preoccupied."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"I'm sorry, Ranma-sama, does it still hurt?" asked Akane, concerned, it's not like she cared much for his boy side, but it may affect his girl side later on that night, "you want me to lick it and make it better?"   
  
"What? NO! I ain't like that!" countered Ranma, trying to discourage the girl.   
  
"So only your girl side likes girls? You really are a pervert, Ranma-sama."   
  
"Hey! I can't control my girl side! She does whatever and whoever she wants!"   
  
"I thought you said that your girl side is still you?"   
  
"Er, yeah, but you know what I mean," trailed off Ranma."   
  
"Well, your girl side is a good type of pervert, you're just a boy pervert!"   
  
"Oh, that makes a lot of sense."   
  
The two teens stopped as they came across Ranma's father sweeping in front of the establishment they had headed for.   
  
"Hey, 'Pandachan', what are you doing here?"   
  
Said Panda tensed, ready to bolt before realizing it was a male voice that called out to him, "Don't do that, Boy. It's far from funny."   
  
"You're right," replied Ranma shamefaced, "it's frick'n HILARIOUS! I mean you afraid of a weak girl!"   
  
"A weak girl with the libido of a Gorilla ODed on Viagra," read the Panda's sign.   
  
"DON'T GIVE ME ANY IDEAS THAT MY GIRL SIDE'S GONNA MAKE ME REGRET!" Shouted Ranma, truly afraid that the idea may appeal to his other half. They haven't ventured out into bestiality...yet, but he knew within his heart of hearts, it was only a matter of time.   
  
Akane and Genma blinked in confusion as a whimper escaped Ranma.   
  
"Well, well, Akane, I haven't seen you around lately, who's you're friend?" enquired a gentle looking man, obviously the physician that ran the clinic.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"You don't say, Ranma's father? I guess I can see the resemblance," joked Dr. Tofu, "Ranma, what happened to your face?"   
  
"Er, a little baseball accident."   
  
"No problem, I have some balm that will work wonders, be back in a jiffy."   
  
"'Jiffy?' What type of guy uses words like 'jiffy' nowadays?" thought Ranma to himself.   
  
*Ring!*   
  
Genma picked up the phone and paused intently before realizing that Panda's can't talk. Akane helpfully assisted.   
  
"Oh! Yes, Yes, I see. Yes, Ranma-sama is here with me? I don't think it would be a problem for you to drop it off now I.. hello, hello?"   
  
"Something wrong?" enquired Ranma as Akane set the phone back on the hook.   
  
"Uh, no, nothing's wrong, just a prank call, heh heh.." Akane sweated with a bit of nervousness.   
  
"I... see," replied Ranma, not more than a little suspicious.   
  
Tofu finally returned, "Okay, Ranma, I need to apply this cold compress to reduce the swelling before applying the oitmen-whoops!" the compress flew out of the good chiropractor's hands, and burst upon impacting with Ranma.   
  
"FREE! OOoooh I need a good frig right about now!" Exclaimed the newly released redhead, before turning back to Tofu," Hellooooo doctor!"   
  
Ranma-chan stood up and suddenly swayed forward unbalanced into the doctor's arms, "Oooh, I feel so faint."   
  
Dr. Tofu recovered from his shock of seeing the pigtailed boy become a girl, "Ah, Jusenkyo, I presume? Almost went there on my travels, my condolences. Did the transition make you woozy? Perhaps you should lie down."   
  
"It, it's not that," weakly replied Ranma, as she suddenly tripped the doctor to the floor and ground herself against him, "I just need a squirt of your man seed from ya and I'll be good as new!"   
  
"I, I don't think I under-GET YOUR HAND OUTTA THERE!"   
  
"But it feels so warm and comfy down there!"   
  
Seeing that his demands weren't gonna be met, Tofu sighed and pressed a series of points along Ranma's back, causing the girl to stiffen."   
  
"Oooh, do that again!" cooed Ranma, gyrating against the good doctor. Tofu became quite a bit more nervous and tapped the same points again, gaining only further encouragement from the squirming redhead on top of him.   
  
"Oooh yeah! Now down here!" Ranma took his free hand and attempted to maneuver it down into her pants...   
  
Suddenly Tofu shot out from under the redhead, causing her to fall flat on her face.   
  
"H-how?" questioned Ranma-chan, "he slipped from under me almost with my noticing." The sex-hungry girl formulated a plan of 'attack' to compensate for the doctor's obvious amount of skill and dove forward.   
  
"This... could be a problem," Tofu considered to himself...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ya coulda warned me," groused Ranma-chan as she attempted to shake feeling back into her limp arm.   
  
"I-I'm sorry Ranma-sama," apologized Akane, deeply chagrined, "It wasn't as if I was expecting you, you know?"   
  
"Anyhow, he's pretty good, was taking quite a bit of my concentration to keep those pressure points from reacting. He's got some serious skill, that doctor of yours."   
  
"Oh he, ...hmmm, delicious!..., is. He's been taking care of me since I was younger, fixing my injuries from, ...ah-hah..., practicing the art.   
  
Ranma sat up and wiped her mouth, "Now that you mention it, no offense and all, you're good and all, but when was the last time a sensei trained you?"   
  
"Well, my father still trains me, ...Mmmmmm!..." Akane took another bite of her ice cream, "but I don't think his heart's really into it anymore."   
  
"Kinda figured as much. Um... Akane... would you, uh, that is, um..."   
  
Akane blinked at the redhead's sudden nervousness, "Ranma-sama, what is it?"   
  
"I was kinda, wondering if.. you'd like to train with me."   
  
"You want to ...cold!... train me?"   
  
"I know my male side is much more serious about the art than I am. Maybe I can train you whenever I'm a guy, you know?"   
  
"I, I would like that, Ranma-sama."   
  
"Heh, it's not a problem, I enjoy seeing you all sweaty, in either form."   
  
"Ra-ranma-sama?"   
  
"Can't talk, *slurp*, eating," answered Ranma, finishing the rest of her ice cream.   
  
Suddenly Akane arched in her seat, a silent scream escaping her throat, "In, incredible, Ranma-sama, but I think we've spoiled dinner long enough." Ranma got up from under the table with three empty parfait cups as she stuffed Akane's panties into her pocket.   
  
"I guess, though I don't think I can ever be satisfied. I'll have plenty of room for dinner tonight."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oh, and who was that on the phone earlier? I heard whoever ask about me," Asked the Redhead as both her and Akane walked home.   
  
"It.. It's not important," Answered Akane, trying not to look at her lover's eyes.   
  
"Akane," Ranma commanded sternly, her trademark steely voice and glare destroying Akane's resistance.   
  
"ItwasKasumishe'stheoneDr. Tofuhasacrushon!" stated the raven haired girl quickly, then bowed steeply, "I'm sorry, Ranma-sama for holding secrets from you."   
  
Ranma rubbed the small of Akane's back gently, "That's okay, a little resistance makes you all that more exiting. How bad does he have it for Kasumi-chan?"   
  
"Oh, it's pretty bad, whenever she comes to visit, it's not safe to have him examine you. He just can't seem to control himself whenever Kasumi's around."   
  
"Hmm," mused Ranma, "is he any danger to her?"   
  
"Oh no! I don't think he could harm a single little hair on her head!"   
  
"Ooh, this is just too rich," replied the redhead, an idea formulating in her head.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The next day, Ranma paid a visit to Dr. Tofu's clinic with a peculiar smile on her face.   
  
"Hello, what can I RANMA!" Dr. Tofu backed against the wall tightly, trying to get as much distance between him and the redhead as possible, "ha, have you been taking the lithium I prescribed for you?"   
  
"Hello, Dr. Tofu, Kasumi asked me to drop off a book for her," answered the redhead with a serene smile.   
  
Tofu noticed the smile, and Ranma's long dress, apron she was wearing, and the way her hair was done in a ponytail that draped over her shoulder.   
  
Dr.Tofu's glasses started to fog over. Ranma-chan flashed a quick, sinister smile, "Gotcha," she thought to herself before going back to imitating Kasumi's oblivious and guiless smile.   
  
"Ka, Kasumi! What a coincidence to meet you here... of all places!" stuttered the doctor as he nervously scratched the back of his head.   
  
"Dr. Tofu, is it okay if I stay here a while? It's hot outside and I'm all sweaty."   
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ranma grimaced at Tofu's maniacal laughter, but continued on with her plan as she went over to the sink. She didn't notice him grab a mock skeleton from where it was hanging.   
  
"May I use your sink to wash my face off?" Ranma bent over the sink, somehow managing to 'conveniently' cause her dress to ride up onto her back, "Whoopsie! I'm so embarrassed! I all my panties are in the wash!"   
  
Dr. Tofu's waltz with the skeleton picked up speed.   
  
"Oh my, I'm so clumsy, I spilled water all over my white silk blouse, and it was too hot to wear a bra out."   
  
Dr. Tofu started break dancing.   
  
"Uh, Dr. Tofu? Hello?" Ranma blinked at the spectacle before her   
  
"ADIDAS WINDMILL, BETTY-CHAN!"   
  
"Maybe that was a bit much," Ranma sighed and waited for the chiropractor to cool down a bit.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma stormed into the Tendou household, pausing barely to take off the slippers she borrowed from Kasumi.   
  
"So, how did your trip to the good doctor's go?" Nabiki asked with a smirk, it was doing no end of good to see the redhead this agitated.   
  
"I don't wanna talk about it," stated Ranma firmly as she headed to towards the bathroom.   
  
"Well, then I guess you need to work off that access energy, right?" Nabiki start to quickly unbutton her blouse.   
  
"Not tonight, I'm not in the mood," replied the girl darkly as she turned back and assisted Nabiki out of her clothes.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
After a hot session and a bit of hot water, Ranma walked out to the dojo to start working out, to find Akane already practicing.   
  
"So, Ranma-sama, how did it go?" enquired Akane as she went through her practice kata.   
  
"Uh, thankfully it didn't go at all," replied Ranma, rather embarrassed, Tofu would have been the first guy his girl side would have gotten, and the thought of him was making him extremely uncomfortable. He was a boy after all, and doing it with girls in his girl form was okay since he was a guy, being a guy doing it with another guy, even in girl form...   
  
Ranma let out a visible shudder, "Uh, can we talk about something else?"   
  
"Okay, Ranma-sama, you said you'd start training with me? Would you like to spar?"   
  
"Um, sure, I guess," Ranma said, non-commitadly.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma leapt over Akane's roundhouse, then faded to his right from Akane's left jab.   
  
"Comon, Fight Back!" yelled Akane in frustration.   
  
"But..."   
  
"How can I get any better if you won't fight back?"   
  
"Wha? Oh, you're talking about when I said I'd train you in my girl form," Ranma commented effortlessly leaping over the raven-haired girl's crescent kick.   
  
"Yes! Can we do anything productive *HIYAH* without it having to be sex?" yelled Akane, Ranma noticed tears threatening to burst from the corners of Akane's eyes.   
  
"Huh? You got something in your eye?"   
  
Akane stopped with her head down and fists clenched, "You, you just use me, you don't care about me at all."   
  
"Huh? Where did this come from?" enquired the pigtailed boy.   
  
"All I am is a sex toy to your female side. Just once I'd like to do something else with you."   
  
"Uh," intelligently replied Ranma, "I, um, sorry."   
  
"Sorry doesn't cut it Ranma-sama," answered Akane, "I'll be upstairs waiting for 'her'."   
  
Ranma landed in front of Akane, cutting her escape off, "I mean it, really, I kinda, well me and my girl side like the time we spend with ya, I never had many friends, and none as cute as you are..."   
  
"Huh?" Akane froze up at the compliment.   
  
"Gotcha," Ranma pressed his index finger against Akane's forehead, causing her to lose her balance, "I mean, when you're not being uncute or sexy or anything..."   
  
Akane didn't catch the last part, still trying to gain her sense of self back.   
  
"Hey, THAT WAS DIRTY! That doesn't count!"


	5. Enter Ryoga

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho   
Chapter 5; Enter the Lost boy (Song lyrics from R-Kelly's 'Feel'n on yo booty')   
  
  
"This ain't Tokyo!" Answered the first farmer   
  
"That's five hundred mile north 'o' here!"   
  
"I see, forgive the commotion," replied the boy as he slung his umbrella onto his backpack, "Ranma Saotome, prepare to meet me!" Ryoga continued to march southwestward.   
  
"You can hide from out man-to-man battle no longer!"   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Kasumi put the umbrella in the holder and slipped off her shoes. She sighed gratefully that she had the whole house to herself. Akane, Ranma, and Nabiki decided upon Ranma's idea of attending a communal bath, which would ensure the redhead was kept *quite* busy for a while, and their fathers had gone out to drink on a whim, which would ensure that they came back extra drunk.   
  
Kasumi set her library books down on the kitchen counter and put up what few things she needed to buy for tomorrow's breakfast, when she heard some music playing low in the background.   
  
"Hello? Anyone home?" asked the eldest Tendou daughter as she slowly approached the den. It wasn't a song she was familiar with; she hadn't heard much American music, though this song had a nice beat. Her grasp though on English was limited..   
  
-"This is my song, for real, no doubt.   
-So the DJ's making you feel the down.   
-As I walk you to the dance floor, baby get your dance flow.   
-Put your hands around me..."   
  
"My, what a catchy tune," said Kasumi cheerfully.   
  
"I'm glad you like it, is it putt'n you in the mood yet?"   
  
Kasumi paled at the voice, and looked around. The lights were dimmed, a bottle of sake was sitting chilled on the den table with a single candle and one wine glass by it; she knew instantly she had been set up, "uh, Ranma-kun, I thought you went to the community baths."   
  
The redhead shrugged at the question, "Decided I had better things to do, like..." Ranma gave Kasumi a smoky glare that forced the older girl to take a step back, causing her to trip over the couch and fall into sitting.   
  
"Doesn't this music just make you wanna.. move?" Ranma-chan began to sway sensuously, dragging her hands slowly up her thighs, and then across the soft silk of her red shirt, somehow hiding the motions of unbuttoning each wooden fastener as her hands traveled upward. Inwardly, Ranma congratulated herself, maneuvering everyone to be out of the house for a while, much longer than what she probably needed to get the job done (not that she wasn't gonna use every bit of time available), selection of music (American R&B probably had the highest ratio of sexual references to any other type of music, quite easily earning it the title 'Booty music'). She made sure to have Nabiki find the most potent sake available, though from what she had seen earlier, Kasumi obviously had a high tolerance.   
  
Kasumi found herself swaying, and when she realized it, stopped herself quickly, "No, must resist, someone will be home soon, just hold on," thought Kasumi to herself, then immediately thought again, "Fuck that, RUN!"   
  
Kasumi attempted to obey her own advice, but made the mistake of looking back at Ranma. She found herself hypnotized by the gracious movements the other young girl was making as she slowly slid her shirt off her shoulders.   
  
"Saotome sensual arts technique: hypnotic cobra sway," Thought the redhead to herself, as she adapted one of the Anything Goes techniques that would be utilized to paralyze your opponent for a strike, for another purpose entirely. She backed herself against the wall and started to grind her back purposefully as her hands roamed her torso. She heard Kasumi's gulp as she closed her eyes and continued her provocative dance for her one-person audience, adding a low sensuous moan for effect.   
  
Once Ranma was satisfied that her prey wouldn't be going anywhere until she was finished, Ranma slowly strode towards the seated girl and slowly guided her up.   
  
Kasumi sighed in defeat, "Resistance is futile, isn't it?"   
  
"Totally," Ranma said in triumph as she attempted to press as much of herself as she could into the taller girl, gyrating suggestively, "I'm doing this for you, you know?"   
  
-"Playas wanna play   
-Ballers wanna ball   
-Rollers wanna roll"   
  
"Then you wouldn't mind stopping for me then?" Kasumi asked hopefully.   
  
"Just think if this as a way for me to say thanks. You cook great, do my laundry for us, and keep house. I mean you deserve a reward for that."   
  
"Oh, it's *really* not necessary!"   
  
"Yes.. it is," Ranma moved the other girl's hands onto her butt as she started to guide Kasumi to the music.   
  
-"Feelin on your booty, yes I am!"   
  
Kasumi 'eeped' and tried to slide her hands back up, only to have Ranma firmly move them back onto her bum.   
  
-"And I hope you like it girl"   
  
Ranma giggled a bit, seducing people in this manner was fun, "I've never done this for anyone before, but you're special. You deserve to have this taken nice, and slow."   
  
Kasumi had almost been lulled, and Ranma was more than ready to move on.   
  
"Really, Kasumi-chan, you need to relax, and... I... know... just... how... to... do that," each word was punctuated by a kiss onto Kasumi's jaw line, as the younger girl guided the eldest Tendou daughter to the floor. Kasumi wearily gave up all hopeless resistance.   
  
-"Boooty, Boo-hooty!   
-Boo hoo hoo ty   
-Boo-hooty   
-Boogaboogaboogaboooty   
-Your boohoooty..."   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"WAIT!!!" Kasumi shot up, throwing the younger girl off of her.   
  
"What? What?" Asked Onna-Ranma, spitting out one of the buttons she had bitten off of Kasumi's blouse   
  
"I need to start preparing dinner!" and with that, Kasumi pulled her blouse tightly together and was up in a flash an in the kitchen, a slew of noises came from out of the kitchen, a sign of the frantic rushing the eldest Tendou daughter was amidst. In truth Kasumi was trying to make as much noise as she could to make it sound as if she was as busy as possible. She had just *barely* managed to resist the other girl's advances. She feared though next time she wouldn't be able to hold out.   
  
Ranma blinked a few times, and then snapped her fingers in agitation, "She's strong."   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
The following day...   
  
"Ranma, get back here!" Nabiki chased the pigtailed boy with a bucket of water, determined to have her raging libido quelled. Ranma had no intention of letting the girl catch up with him, for Kami's sakes he *needed* a rest. He wasn't sure where his girl side got her stamina, but even with his martial arts endurance, he was beginning to wear.   
  
Ranma leapt the stream of water that was jettisoned from the pail, when his sense of danger went off.   
  
"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"   
  
Ranma twisted in the air, his attacker's umbrella just missing his arm as Ranma landed in a one handed handstand. The pigtailed martial artist pushed himself away as the ground gave way into a crater.   
  
"You...!" Ranma stared at the crater formed where he had just landed, realizing that coulda been his head under the tip of that umbrella.   
  
"You haven't changed, I see you're still good at running away," stated the stranger as he brought his umbrella to his shoulder and stood up.   
  
"Ranma-sama, is this someone you know?" enquired Akane.   
  
Ranma looked up in recollection, then grabbed his face in concentration, "YEAH!! Uh... sure, he's... he's..."   
  
"Careful, or you'll blow that dim bulb of yours," interrupted Nabiki as she upended a cup of water.   
  
"Just tell me one thing, Ranma, Why did you run out on our... where did Ranma go?"   
  
"Nabiki took Ranma-sama, they'll be busy for a while," stated Akane.   
  
"Ranma-sama?" Repeated Ryoga in question, "why do you call him that?"   
  
"She, um, Ranma-sama, that is...." Akane stuttered, trying to find a way of delicately phasing her predicament.   
  
"Saotome, you cad! How dare you abuse this poor girl!" Ryoga bellowed, raising his umbrella threateningly, "Wait a minute, 'she'?"   
  
Akane chuckled nervously, then looked in another direction.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma," Ryoga considered his nemesis as he walked through what he thought was Southern California, "I shall have my revenge. You did this to my life, you made it a disaster." Ryoga held a walnut in between his fingers, and crushed it.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Well, Ranma-sama, just what did you do to this Ryoga?" questioned Akane, snuggling up closer to the smaller redhead.   
  
"Hmm, I wish I knew, I'd like to put whatever it was behind us and... find a way of making up for it."   
  
"Seriously, Ranma-sama, is your answer to everything sex... oooh, do that again!"   
  
"Heh, when it comes to your buns... hey, waitaminute..."   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Uh, Ranma? This letter came for you from a boy named Ryoga Hibiki," Kasumi handed the pigtailed girl the letter via extendaclaws, in case the girl decided to make a grab at her.   
  
"Geez, Kasumi, it's not like my bites are gonna leave permanent marks," stated Ranma with a smirk as she took the letter, "hmm, I see he's challenging me to a fight yesterday."   
  
"Oh dear, I think you're late then, Ranma."   
  
"Na, as I recall, the guy has the lousiest sense of direction, probably won't be for about a week or something. But in the meantime, I think I can find a way of keeping myself occupied," Ranma glared suggestively at Kasumi's body in a way that made her feel... unclean.   
  
"Oh my, I think I... have something somewhere else to do away from you, sorry Ranma," Kasumi made her hasty retreat from the redhead's presence.   
  
"No problem, I'm patient," whispered Ranma-chan with a sinister smile.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
One Week later   
  
"Hey, over here! Saotome's having a showdown!" shouted a student, waving others to come see.   
  
"So, Ranma, you finally had the guts to show up," stated Ryoga smugly, he was gonna enjoy ripping his rival in half for what he had done to him and confusing that poor Akane girl into thinking he was a 'she'.   
  
"Listen, Ryoga, I didn't come here to fight, okay," Ranma said in attempted appeasement, "just... take this."   
  
Ryoga snagged the curry bread out of the air, "What is this?"   
  
"Well, that makes us even, right?"   
  
"WHAT?" Ryoga exclaimed, "Is this some kind of JOKE?"   
  
"Jeez, greedy Jerk. Okay, here," Ranma tossed over another package of bread, followed by several others, "Happy now? Did I forget anything?"   
  
"You think this is FUNNY?" screamed Ryoga, extremely insensed.   
  
"Well, this is a 'bread-feud' isn't it?"   
  
"You think a bread eating contest will avenge my honor?!?" Ryoga replied, non-plussed, "Besides, these are all passed the 'best by' date!"   
  
"Don't blame me for having to wait a week for you?" Ranma casually replied.   
  
"ENOUGH! I ATTACK!"   
  
And the fight was on.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A GIRL?!?" Yelled Ranma as he renewed his attack with vigor.   
  
"Other than that Tendou girl?" responded Ryoga smugly; Ranma apparently didn't hear him in his rage.   
  
"Well, WHO'RE YOU CALLING A GIRL?" Ranma's foot slammed through the fountain, igniting a geyser. Ryoga blocked the spray heading for him with his umbrella. As he landed he scouted around for his opponent.   
  
"Over here, stud."   
  
Ryoga looked over to see a well endowed redhead grinning at him in a way he found wholly uncomfortable, "Uh, excuse me miss, but did you happen to see Ranma Saotome around here?   
  
"Right before your eyes, wanna see more of me?" Said the girl sweetly, her meaning anything but as sweet and innocent as it sounded, as she made a subtle move for Ryoga's crotch.   
  
Everything snapped into place for Ryoga as he brought his umbrella at a jab towards Ranma's face, forcing her to bend back away, having it stop just before her nose, "That's why Akane Tendou called you a girl!"   
  
"You're an astute one," replied the girl casually.   
  
"So, you have a Jusenkyo curse too," Ryoga commented, taking a few of his bandannas off and begun to whirl them around.   
  
"I wouldn't call it a 'curse', wanna see what it can do?" Ranma-chan suddenly paused, "Huh? Whaddya mean 'too'?"   
  
Ryoga's reply was several bandannas flying in her direction with seemingly razor edges, forcing Ranma to dodge and spectators to duck and cover.   
  
"I'll go get you some hot water, Ranma-sama," stated Akane as she left the redhead's side.   
  
"WAIT, DON'T!" Ranma's warning went unheeded as a few wayward cloth shurikens headed in her direction. Fortunately the raven-haired girl tripped on a tree root and twisted her ankle, allowing the flying weapons to sail over her with only damage to her school jumper. Ranma ran towards the other girl to assist, leaving herself open for Ryoga's follow up attack.   
  
Ranma turned just in time to see the heavy umbrella heading towards her like a spear.   
  
"It's over!" proclaimed Ryoga, "even if you dodge my umbrella, my bandannas will strike you from every direction!" with that, the lost boy hurled a maelstrom of bandannas out at an arc towards his opponent. Ranma spun on her toe by the umbrella, catching it by the handle as it went by her, and swung it around, allowing the momentum from the swing to open it up. Ranma brought the open umbrella to bear, blocking the bandannas with it.   
  
"Say, isn't that umbrella..." started Daisuke, "incredibly heavy?"   
  
Ranma leapt with Akane snuggled in one arm out of range onto a bicycle shack roof in order to avoid any follow-ups from Ryoga, "Akane, you okay?"   
  
"Ye-yes, Ranma-sama," replied Akane meekly.   
  
"Good, I don't want to see you get hurt because of me," answered Ranma sorrowfully.   
  
"Ra-Ranma..."   
  
"Hey, what happened to 'Ranma-sama'?" The redhead joked, then felt the roof they were on begin to collapse.   
  
Ranma brought Ryoga's umbrella up to guard as the lost boy's belt collided with it and wrapped around it. With a tug, the umbrella was cut in half.   
  
"Put me down Ranma-sama, I can take care of myself," Stated Akane.   
  
"What are you, stupid? First you get in my way then you..." Ranma was silenced by the slap she received upon her and Akane landing.   
  
"You, you hit me..." stated the pigtailed girl in awe. Akane tried to bring herself to apologize, but couldn't find it within herself to do so, instead turning to run with tears in her eyes.   
  
"A-Akane..." breathed the redhead, barely sensing the attack behind her. In one fluid motion, Ranma dodged the belt, rose her right arm straight around in a rising diagonal chop against Ryoga's wrist, then slammed her left fist into Ryoga's gut.   
  
"You MIND! We're having a moment here!" admonished Ranma, and then turned to follow Akane.   
"AKANE LOOK OUT!" Yelled Ranma, no way would she make it in time to stop the rogue belt from reaching the other girl.   
  
"Huh?" Akane spun around, to see what Ranma was warning her about, causing her hair to raise up.   
  
Ranma saw Akane's eyes widen, and assumed the worse. The redhead immediately rounded upon Ryoga, her irises once again red.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
The Ryoga pile twitched on the ground as Ranma-chan looked down upon it with distain, before taking off to catch up with Akane.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Akane, wait up," demanded Onna-Ranma as she approached the other girl.   
  
"What did you want," asked Akane tiredly.   
  
"I, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, is that all right?" asked the redhead.   
  
"Oh, sure, you wouldn't want your number one sex toy to get damaged, would ya?"   
  
Ranma inspected the other girl, "Well, at least it's only your hair, thankfully, but now what am I gonna have to grab onto when we..."   
  
Akane turned away with a maddening blush on her face.   
  
"I'm kidding," Ranma-chan said as she cupped the other girl by the chin and turned Akane to face her, then brought her into a warm kiss, which the other girl melted into. "Now how about we see if Kasumi can fix your hair up, then take you over to the doctor's to have your ankle examined?"   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hello, Dr. Tofu!" Greeted Akane as she walked into the clinic   
  
Dr. Tofu paused, then looked around for Ranma, once he was satisfied she wasn't there, he replied, "Well well, cut it short again, eh?"   
  
"Mm hmm, "Akane allowed the chiropractor to look at her after ankle sitting down.   
  
"Looks, like it's just a light sprain," affirmed Dr. Tofu, tenderly examined the young girl's ankle.   
  
"Doctor, do you think it... looks good?" Asked Akane, idly tugging at a strand of her short hair.   
  
"Oh, yes, it's very cute. Short hair always did suit you better." Tofu looked up after Akane's tear landed on her leg.   
  
"I'm sorry, did that hurt?" He asked in concern   
  
"It, it's not that," replied the raven haired girl, "it's, it's so embarrassing"   
  
The doctor sat down next to the girl and put his arm around her, "tell me what's wrong."   
  
Akane didn't withhold the tears as she cried onto his shoulder, and continued for some time, "Tha... thank you, I needed that, and I'm sorry."   
  
"Oh, there's no need to apologize," replied Tofu.   
  
"Yes there is," Akane insisted. With that, Akane maneuvered herself into holding the doctor in a full nelson and lay back, forcing the doctor to look up to see a nude redhead girl descending upon him from the ceiling in a belly-flop.   
  
Tofu screamed.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Somewhere in Osaka, Ryoga relentlessly hunted for his rival, "Just wait, Ranma, Saotome, I'll find your dojo, and fight you to the death!"   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
End Vol. 1


	6. Ryoga Part 2

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
Chapter 6: Ryoga's Seduction   
  
"Ranma, ...mmm... I, ...oh!... need to get to bed, really!" moaned Kasumi, as her hands continued to roam the redhead's body.   
  
"No problem, I'll join you," Ranma-chan whispered in the older girl's ear, sending shivers down her spine. This was the third time today Ranma tried to seduce her, and she was getting awfully damn close now. With all the will she could muster, Kasumi broke away from the pigtailed girl and ran upstairs.   
  
"She's weakening," Ranma said with a smirk, then grimaced at the unresolved burning feeling in her groin. With a groan, Ranma pulled out her 'emergency date' and went to her own room.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
'Yes, this must be the Tendou Dojo," confirmed Ryoga to himself, "Today Ranma, you meet your end.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma-chan, slept blissfully, slowly wetting her bedding with each passing dream.   
  
"Wake up, Ranma. It's me, Ryoga," Ryoga commanded, not getting a response, "Fight me. Hey Ranma!"   
  
"Hmm, oh Pandachan, you think you can fit it all into there?"   
  
Would you wake up?" Whispered Ryoga as he brought his fist up and almost began to descend upon the sleeping girl's head, until Ranma kicked her legs up and brought them back till they were each on the side of her head, her butt pointing upwards. Ryoga just barely managed to stop his fisting and fell backwards on his own bum.   
  
"Oooh yeah, lick it there! Your demon tongue feels so long, Tendousan" Cooed the girl in her sleep.   
  
Ryoga got back up after noting that the redhead was still asleep, "Wake, UP Ranma!"   
  
The girl replied by turning over and sticking her arse in the air, "Ryoga, you're sooooo hard."   
  
Ryoga panicked when the girl mentioned his name and started to draw down her boxers. While backing up, the Lost boy tumbled through the glass window.   
  
"Huh?" Onna-Ranma sat up at the sound of breaking glass, and when she saw her window, got up and looked outside. Ranma paused a second to remove something from her pants, "Darn, battery's dead."   
  
"Someone out there?" the redhead leapt out the broken window, looking for whatever caused the commotion. "This is Ryoga's clothes," she observed when she came upon the pile outside, "so he does have a Jusenkyo curse..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane awoke the faint sound of broken glass, and went out into the hall to investigate.   
  
"You heard it too? Akane?" asked Kasumi, who was also out of her room.   
  
"Yeah, stay inside while I investigate," commanded the younger girl, bringing a shinai to bear.   
  
"You think it's a burglar?" fearfully asked Kasumi.   
  
"It better not be."   
  
"Well, if it is, use this," the eldest daughter handed her youngest sister a hefty crowbar.   
  
"Ka-Kasumi? Why do you have this?" asked Akane incredulously.   
  
"In case of sex-changing perverts trying to pay me a late night visit," thought Kasumi to herself, out loud she said, "I just feel safer with Mr. Crowbar near me."   
  
"I... see."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma leapt into the alley on the side of the Tendou household when he heard the growl, "Ra-Ryoga?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane entered the den and looked around. She sighed in relief when she didn't see anything disarray, but caught something out of the corner of her eye, heading straight for her. In a swing that woulda had Talent scouts drooling, Akane batted the dark object into a wall. Once she found a light switch, she went to investigate.   
  
"A... piglet?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ya know, Ryoga, if you're gonna break into my room and screw my brains out, try to limit the property damage. I am just a guest here, after all."   
  
'Ryoga' barked, which Ranma-chan took as affirmation, "Well, as long as that's cleared up, what am I gonna do with you?"   
  
The dog whimpered in confusion.   
  
"Ranma-sama, are you awake?" Akane opened the door to Ranma's room and walked in carrying a cute little piglet, "Oh, Kami, you wouldn't...."   
  
"Hey! Akane, care to join us?" asked Ranma-chan, gesturing to her latest potential playmate for the night.   
  
"Uh, Ranma-sama, isn't this a bit, um, far?"   
  
"Hmm? Oh, don't worry, its just Ryoga, this is his cursed form."   
  
The dog in question wagged its tail in greeting.   
  
"Um, I think that's a girl dog, you sure that's Ryoga?"   
  
"Hmm, mebbe he fell into Spring of drowned Bitch? I mean with his attitude and all..."   
  
The pig in Akane's arms growled at the redhead.   
  
"Hey? What's with the pork rind? You gonna let me join in?"   
  
"N-nothing like that, Ranma-sama," Akane said with a blush, "I just found him downstairs when I went to investigate a noise.   
  
"Hmph, the only noise I heard was Ryoga falling through my window. Anyhow, it's time for me to make Ryoga comfortable here."   
  
"Um, before you do anything, Ranma-sama, can I check something first?" Akane got up and approached the dog.   
  
"Hey, I got first dibs!" argued the pigtailed girl. Akane ignored her and found the dog's collar.   
  
"Yup, I knew it. This is the Yamane's dog, Bess, not Ryoga."   
  
Ranma blinked a few times, than shrugged, "Same difference."   
  
"Uh, right. Maybe I better take her back next door before they start missing her."   
  
"Can't we have just a little fun with her first?" pleaded the other girl, "*sigh*, all right, while you do that, I'm gonna have a nice hot bath, I may have to change back to the virgin, but at least I won't feel so cold."   
  
Akane looked down in concern when the pig sneezed, "warm the piglet up too?"   
  
"Gee, Akane, do you think he'll fit up there?" Ranma-chan said with a grin.   
  
"WHAT? NO WAY IN..."   
  
"Oooh, that sounds like a challenge," interrupted the girl, "Heh, I'm just joking, though bathing with a piggy does give me a few ideas."   
  
"Ranma-sama, just... keep it clean, please," with that, Akane walked the dog out of Ranma's room to return it to it's owners.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Damn that Ryoga, gonna get me up in the middle of the night and tease me like that," Ranma-chan stripped off her clothing while the pig sat in the corner nervously.   
  
The redhead examined herself in the mirror, "Ooh yeah, I think I'll just stay in here for a while before changing back, what do you think, piggy?" Said pig had it's back turned, trying to claw through a wall. Ranma giggled and picked the porcine animal up and held it (actually more like used it to massage) her chest.   
  
"Little piggy like my titties?" cooed the girl, her teasing rewarded with a spray of blood she just barely avoided getting on herself. She frowned as she looked at the pig and saw that it had passed out.   
  
"Hmm, that's an unusual reaction from a pig," mused the girl to herself, deciding a good dip in the furo would revive the little animal.   
  
From where the pig entered, Ryoga rose, eyes promising a pleasantly horrendous murder for the girl in front of him. Unfortunately the glare was lost on the girl.   
  
Ryoga followed Ranma's locked gaze, "just what are YOU looking at, Ranma?"   
  
"Pork sausage," exclaimed the girl cheerfully, "so this is where you've been hiding."   
  
"Ranma, YOU ARE DEAD!" Ryoga lashed forward with a haymaker that Ranma just barely moved a pail to block.   
  
"Whoa, no SNUFF! So how did you end up at Jusenkyo?"   
  
"Chasing you, I wandered throughout the vastness of China....   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"The hideous body that curses me, the devouring that nearly befell me.... THEY'RE ALL YOUR FAULT! RANMA!!!"   
  
"I'm sorry," apologized Ranma, Lemme make it up to you..." Before Ryoga could react, Ranma-chan's hand shot into the water and grabbed onto the Lost boy's bidness.   
  
Ryoga stared wide-eyed at the pigtailed boy, who had apparently forgotten the water was hot.   
  
"Uh, Ra-Ranma, what the hell are you doing?" the pigtailed boy was just too stunned to give an answer. And just for the sake of adding to Ranma's embarrassment, a panda happened to enter the furo.   
  
Ranma turned a new form of pale not known to medical science as 'Pandachan' slowly backed away from the scene, and gently closed the door. Few seconds later, the wailing of a panda could be heard in the distance.   
  
Needless to say, Ryoga wasn't in a pleasant mood, "SHI-NE!"   
  
As Ryoga got a hold of Ranma's pigtail and proceeded to plunge his hand into his rival's cranium, Ranma switched on the cold shower.   
  
"Now, what am I gonna do with you, little piggy?"   
  
Ryoga knew when to run.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hmm? What's all this racket?" Akane asked herself as she looked out into the hall.   
  
"Hold on, my little porcine pot of ecstasy!" Cooed Ranma as she ran after the retreating pig.   
  
"Ranma-sama, what are you doing," enquired Akane as the pig ran behind her.   
  
"Satisfying a hankering for kabasa," replied the redhead as she brought a bucket of steaming water to bear.   
  
"What's that for?"   
  
"Penis enlargement," replied Ranma as she stalked towards the cowering piglet.   
  
"P-penis? I thought you were joking about trying anything with it!"   
  
"Yeah, well game plan's changed, since a new player's been revealed, isn't that right, Ryoga?"   
  
"Ryoga? I don't..." Akane looked at the pig curiously.   
  
"The bandanna..."   
  
Akane blinked as she recognized it as the one Ryoga wore when she met him, "this is Ryoga's pet?"   
  
"Nope, that *is* Ryoga," Ranma threw the water in the pail at both Akane and Ryoga. Ryoga grew while still in Akane's arms, and became very aware of pressing up against Akane's wet pajama top.   
  
"Hey, you look good in a wet shirt, Akane!" stated Ranma, and for emphasis threw in a couple of catcalls and whistles.   
  
"Tha, thank you Ranma-sama," Akane became slightly self-conscious at the compliment.   
  
"HEY!" Ryoga regained his motor skills and leapt out of Akane's arms, "you some kind of pervert or something?"   
  
Ranma looked innocently back at Ryoga, then turned to Akane, "Akane, am I some kinda pervert or something?"   
  
"Defiantly, Ranma-sama"   
  
Onna-Ranma turned back to Ryoga, "there you have it."   
  
Ryoga started with a low chuckle, "Well, Ranma, I always knew you were sick, but this is far beyond what I thought of you."   
  
"I'll take that as a compliment," Ranma beamed.   
  
"To take this girl along with you and bend her to your perversions..."   
  
"Akane only complained for the first five minutes," interrupted the redhead.   
  
"First two," corrected Akane.   
  
"I stand corrected."   
  
"FOR THE HELL YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH ALONG WITH POOR AKANE, YOU MUST DIE!!!" Ryoga jumped after Ranma, readying a telling blow.   
  
"What have I told you about fighting in the house, P-Chan?" Asked Ranma-chan calmly, acting heedless of the threat heading for her.   
  
*WHAM*!   
  
"DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY RANMA-SAMA!" yelled Akane as she picked her mallet up from on top of the Lost Boy's head.   
  
"Not that I needed it, but thanks for the assist," thanked Ranma, "and 'your Ranma-sama'?"   
  
"I, I didn't mean anything by it," Akane looked down while hiding the mallet behind her back, looking nervous, "and why did you call Ryoga 'P-chan'?"   
  
"He's got a cute little penis as a pig. Penis, cute, P-Chan!"   
  
"My, how clever of you," Nabiki poked her head out her door in agitation, "you guys know what time it is?"   
  
"Hey, Nabiki, I see you took my advice to sleeping in the nude."   
  
Nabiki responded with a universal gesture, then noticed the nude boy laying in the middle of the hall, "who's this?"   
  
"Ah, this is my old bud, Ryoga. He's just resting up before the fun starts, care to join in?"   
  
"I fucking hate you, you know that?" responded Nabiki.   
  
"That's what makes screwing you so great," Ranma-chan replied cheerfully.   
  
"I need to sleep, and you know I can't turn this down. *Sigh* at least lemme try to make this a profitable night, hold on a sec..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga woke up a bit hazy, and at the sounds of the voices near him, tried to focus his thoughts.   
  
"...Ave to admit, this is a good idea."   
  
"Of course, it just screams money making potential."   
  
"Nabiki, do I really have to wear this, it's embarrassing."   
  
"Don't worry about it, Akane, with the mask on, nobody will know it's you anyhow."   
  
"I, I guess, Ranma-sama."   
  
"Huh?" Ryoga tried to sit up, but found himself chained to a crossbar that was attached to a bed with a wheel at the head base. He was not relieved to find himself completely in birthday wear either.   
  
"Oh, look, the star of the show is awake, shall we get started." The lost boy looked towards the direction the voice came from, and saw a girl with a helmet type haircut dressed in skintight vinyl wearing a mask and brandishing a riding crop. Next his sight came upon a girl with a shorter haircut, wearing a crotchless bunny outfit and a feather mask.   
  
"Now is as good a time as any, Nabiki go ahead and ready the camera," lastly Ryoga saw a girl with a familiar crop of red hair, wearing a blue and red pantiless super heroine outfit with a gold cape, Ryoga didn't want to contemplate what the 'O' in the shield on her chest stood for.   
  
Ryoga's senses overloaded as blackness overtook him...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga was not out more than a second.   
  
"Nu-uh, sleeping beauty, we got pictures to make," said Ranma-Chan, waving smelling salts under the Lost Boy's nose, "Akane, turn him over." The girl in the bunny suit did as she was commanded, turning the wheels at the head and the foot of the bed till Ryoga was face down.   
  
"Okay, Orgasma vs. Queen Domina, take one, ACTION!"   
  
"Okay, my mutant bunny girl, spread his cheeks," 'Queen Domina' commanded, her voice followed by the sound of something vibrating in the air. Ryoga felt a pair of hands on his butt...   
  
"YOU WON'T TAKE MY VIRGINITY THAT EASILY, RANMA!!!!" with a Herculean effort, Ryoga pulled the Sat up and pulled the crossbar he was chained to off of the bed. With speed borne of desperation. Ryoga leapt through the nearest window, shattering a second one that night.   
  
All three girls blinked as the Lost boy made his escape.   
  
"Damn," all three exclaimed in unison.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga kept running until he was sure that they couldn't have followed them.   
  
"Curse you Ranma for attempting your perversions with me... huh?" The Lost boy noticed his surroundings, he tried to bring his hands to shield his eyes from the blaring neon lights, but they were still strapped to the bar across his back.   
  
Ryoga looked around in horror as he was in a large room, probably some sort of dancing hall, with several guys wearing tight clothing danced to music by Petshop Boys.   
  
"Chad, you forgot my birthday," said a rough voice from behind Ryoga.   
  
"I didn't forget your special day, I, um, you're present is..." Ryoga turned just in time for his eyes to meet with a rather large fellow, not that Ryoga couldn't easily take him. You see there was just a problem with a titanium alloy bar that was holding his arms in place.   
  
"There! There it is!" exclaimed the one called Chad, looking over the nekked lost boy.   
  
"Oh my! You really have outdone yourself!" Cried the rough voice in a fashion almost effimate.   
  
"Well, Biff, nothing's too good for my beef muffin."   
  
"Comon everyone, I wanna share!"   
  
Ryoga backed away slowly, his eyes wide with fright and shaking his head as the whole bar started stalking him, "I'll get you for this Ranma, I swear I... EEP*!"


	7. Kodachi, the Black Rose

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
  
Ryoga shifted, trying to get rid of that peculiar feeling in his seat, grumbling about how Ranma was to blame for this. During the post-coital bliss, Ryoga came to a few conclusions, the foremost was how he was gonna repay Ranma for this latest fiasco.   
  
"Just you wait Ranma," growled the Lost Boy, his discussion with Biff, Chad, and that nice Marvin fellow from the bar had been an enlightening one...   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Mebbe it's not this Ranma kid's fault," supplied Chad.   
  
Before Ryoga could argue against that, the giant man raised his hand as a peace gesture, "hear me out, maybe the problem lies with you?"   
  
"Oh Chad, so intuitive you are," commented Biff, "perhaps Ryoga you suffer from acute Bipolar Disorder, which is causing you to focus on one aspect of your life you wish to rectify. This Ranma boy being what you perceive to be an accumulation of all the ails of the world, and that doing away with him will cure your depression."   
  
"I disagree," announced Marvin, an easy knockoff for a "I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter" spokesman, "though I must admit, your hypothesis is close to the mark. Tell me, Ryoga-chan, when did you first come into conflict with the other lad?"   
  
"He used to steal my bread everyday at lunch when we were in junior high!" stated Ryoga adamantly.   
  
"Was that all he did?" Marvin asked, slightly puzzled.   
  
"Uh, no, he also caused me to get that curse you saw earlier."   
  
"Oh no, I don't think Marvin-san means then, he's referring to strictly when you both attended your junior level establishment," helpfully supplied Biff, receiving a pat on the backside from Chad.   
  
"He also ran out on our duel! He had run away to China with his father by the time I had gotten there!"   
  
"And how did that make you feel?" enquired Marvin, who was suddenly wearing bifocals and jotting notes onto a pad.   
  
"Angry, I mean, so I was three days late, he coulda at least waited the forth day," Ryoga grumbled, as he moved a bit to get warm.   
  
"And what did you do after you discovered his departure?"   
  
"Well, I followed him. I mean, how dare he run out on me and our fight!"   
  
All three men seemed to nod in affirmation, confusing the lost boy, "Huh? What is it?"   
  
"Ryoga-chan, would you have considered Ranma a friend?" Marvin continued, "I mean, before he 'ran out on your duel'?"   
  
"Well, I guess, even though the jerk stole my bread, he used to help me get to school on time, and stuff."   
  
" And what is this 'stuff' you are referring to?" Urged the blond nude man.   
  
"He used to stick up for me when people teased me about my directional problem, and spar with me. But he was always so much better than me. I just wanted at least once to prove I was his equal, that I was worthy of him, er, his friendship."   
  
"Hmm," replied Marvin, gaining curious looks from Chad and his significant other, "I think I may have formed a more solid theory."   
  
"Whaddya mean?" asked Ryoga with a slight frown, allowing a fang to show which caused Biff's heart to go all-aflutter, much to Chad's annoyance.   
  
"I may be completely off-base here, but I believe that Biff's first synopsis was at least part of the problem. You're also suffering from acute denial. An inner conflict, if you will, over what your friendship meant."   
  
"I don't understand," replied the Lost boy, his frown deepening.   
  
The blond man handed Ryoga a book entitled 'Am I Blue?', "Read this, it may provide a few answers to your situation.   
  
"O-okay, I'll look at it later, I guess," replied Ryoga as he took the book, "I think I'm ready again now, can you hand me the Vaseline, please?"   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga now understood his all consuming anger for his rival, "RANMA, I'LL GET YOU YET!" he screamed towards the heavens.   
  
"Get a look at that guy!" whispered one student walking by.   
  
"What's with the rainbow earring on his right ear?"   
  
"He looks kinda cute in those pleather pants, they totally go with the fishnet shirt," complimented one girl.   
  
"Yeah, but I think he's playing for the wrong team," replied the girl's schoolmate.   
  
"I'll find you, Ranma," Ryoga thought to himself, "and I'll find the courage to tell you my feelings."   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Squeegee; check, canola oil; check, strong Altoids Curiously Strong Mints; check, video of 'Bambi'..." Ranma-chan went through her inventory. Tonight would be the night she told herself, once again, her and Kasumi would be home alone without her suspecting a thing. She had gotten a thorough profile on the older girl, phase one, start movie when Kasumi takes a moment to rest and hide. Phase two, about when Bambi's mother dies, snuggle up to the unnoticing teary-eyed girl and supply comfort. Phase three, by the end of the movie, have Kasumi nude, oiled, and breathing minty fresh breaths between each other's thighs until everyone gets back.   
  
The girl was lost in her daydreaming, and almost missed the conversation behind the fence she was next to...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Pardon me, but you are from Furinkan High School, are you not?" enquired a haughty young lady, "Please, no need to rush on my account. If I'm not mistaken, we'll be having our match in one week."   
  
"No more talk!" announced one bandaged assailant.   
  
"We've got you at last!" finished another.   
  
"Hmm, looks like a party," commented Ranma-chan as she sat perched on the fence in observation.   
  
"PREPARE TO DIE!" With that, the girl's attackers began their assault.   
  
"Forgive me please if I failed," began the midnight haired girl, "to convey my message!" With that, the girl snapped a gymnast's ribbon at the attackers, disarming them with ease.   
  
"Oooh, she's kinky!" The redhead thought to herself, deciding she didn't want to be left out.   
  
"If I may restate it.. perhaps this, or this, or THIS will be clearer!" the girl was so caught up in her 'message' that she failed to notice when her assailants stopped screaming.   
  
"Oooh, harder! HARDER!!!!"   
  
"Wha-what?" Kodatchi stopped and frowned at the sight of another young girl with her backside turned towards her.   
  
"Hey, why'd you stop?" groaned Ranma, wiggling her bum in the air in attempts to make it a tempting target.   
  
"Stop that, stop that disgusting display I say!" demanded Kodatchi, "I will not brook your interference, nor will I partake in your sick games."   
  
"Then I'll just settle for a quickie and I'll be on my way," sighed the redhead as she approached the taller girl, idly noting the other girl slip her foot under a club on the ground.   
  
"AWAY, HARRIDAN!" demanded the girl in the black school outfit as she kicked the tool up into her hand and thrust forward after Ranma. The pigtailed girl seemed to fade out of existence, her opponent only realizing where she went as a foot connected with her ankle to send her off balance.   
  
The black haired girl regained her equilibrium and fell into a perfect forward cartwheel. Ranma-chan lost concentration and shuddered visually at the sight of white panties under the school outfit.   
  
"Well, you are very good," congratulated the taller girl.   
  
"I got plenty of other talents to show ya," answered the redhead.   
  
"Remember, I'm called the Black Rose of St. Bacchus's School for Girls," the other girl said smugly, "Kodatchi, the Black Rose, please don't forget it."   
  
Kodatchi bounded off, her unhinging laughter filling the air.   
  
"WAIT! I DIDN'T GET YOUR NUMBER OR ANYTHING!!" called out Onna-Ranma, and sighed in ecstasy. That girl would be hers, oh yes, she would. Ranma turned back to the defeated assailants sitting on the floor, "so... wanna go back to my place?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Akane! We've been humiliated!" the longhaired girl whined to their classmate.   
  
"You're girlfriend stole our innocence!"   
  
"Ranma-sama?" Akane asked incredulously, "Why didn't you wait for me?"   
  
The three gymnasts found themselves very uncomfortable in Akane's room.   
  
"Well, I'm up for another round, one of them gushes like there's no tomorrow, you gotta see it!"   
  
The girl in question blushed deeply, "I... have a very high protein diet."   
  
"How did all of you get injured?" enquired Akane, changing the discussion topic.   
  
"We were ambushed!"   
  
"Now we'll have to withdraw from the match!"   
  
"Um, what would you like me to do about it?"   
  
"I think they're asking you to join," commented Ranma, stretching in ways meant to catch attention, and grinned when she saw more than one lingering eye, "after all, you're pretty limber. I mean I never thought you would really be able to get your ankles behind your head like that."   
  
"Yes, Ranma-sama, but Nabiki's still much more flexible than me."   
  
"I guess we'll just have to work on that," replied the redhead as she did a backbend, causing her shirt to strain against her chest. Akane looked away and rubbed her thighs together to relieve some of the 'stress'.   
  
"Please Akane, There's nothing we can do!"   
  
"You see, this next match is Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts!"   
  
"S & M combined with Karma Sutra, wanna try that tomorrow Akane? You'll get to wear a tights!"   
  
"Why not tonight, Ranma-sama?"   
  
"Kasumi."   
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot, sorry," Akane turned back to the other three girls, and blinked when she noticed they were now three more feet away from her, "I'm still not sure, but all right. I'll avenge you!"   
  
"Oooh, thank you Akane!" exclaimed one girl as all three took Akane's hands into her own. They all paused and looked down at the joined hands, and Akane looked up with a pleased grin on her face.   
  
"A-Akane, this isn't what you think it is..." implored one girl.   
  
"Ranma-sama, could you please lock my door?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"I don't know why you agreed so quick," Ranma idly twirled a baton while Akane set up to practice, "Do you know how to even use these things?   
  
"You just watch, Ranma-sama," announced Akane.   
  
"Hmm, that does kinda grow on you after a bit," mused the boy, "'Ranma-sama' does have a nice ring to it."   
  
Akane took her position, and before she could start, both turned to a familiar snort at the door, "Ryoga, we've missed you!" exclaimed Akane, readying a pail of water at the sink so a certain redhead could make an appearance.   
  
"Don't even THINK it, Akane," warned Ranma, "so, where you been Porky?"   
  
The pig jumped into Ranma's lap and looked at the pigtailed boy with imploring eyes.   
  
"Huh? What's with you?"   
  
"Maybe he's hurt?"   
  
"I guess only one way to find out," Ranma upended a kettle of water over the porcine animal.   
  
"RANMA!" Ryoga hugged his rival, "If you only knew the Hell I've been through!" Ryoga blinked at the low growl Ranma was emitting, "Huh?"   
  
"You're.... a guy.... a naked guy, and you're hugging me..." Ranma spoke slowly through clenched teeth, carefully controlling his fury.   
  
"Oh? Uh, so I am, HAHAHAHAHA," Ryoga laughed nervously as he let go of Ranma, "Uh, Ra-Ranma? I have something to ask you, that, um, that is..."   
  
"That is... you're naked and still sitting on my lap, bacon brain." Ranma dumped the Lost boy onto the floor, "Do that again, and you get to find out what it's like being the other white meat for dinner..."   
  
Ryoga recalled the sensation of being covered in saliva, and shivered appreciatively, "Oh Ranma, if I could only tell you how I feel," he thought to himself.   
  
"Ryoga, why the hell are you blushing?"   
  
"What? I am not blushing!" Ryoga denied firmly.   
  
"Yes you are, all over in fact," commented Akane, eyeing the boy appreciatively.   
  
Ryoga quickly put some clothes on he had stashed in the Dojo on his first visit in case of an emergency, "What are you guys doing?"   
  
"I'm substituting for the Furinkan gymnastics team," exclaimed Akane proudly, "watch this." Akane threw the batons she held in her hands into the air, and leapt somewhat gracefully after them...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"ALRIGHT, I'm a KLUTZ, A KLUTZ, A KLUTZ!"   
  
"Well, what can I do about it?"   
  
"Now's my chance!" The observing Lost boy thought to himself, "If I help Akane, Ranma will be grateful!"   
  
"Would you like me to train you?"   
  
"You, you know Rhythmic Gymnastics, Ryoga?" Akane asked hopefully.   
  
"My, that's awful generous of you," commented Ranma wearily, his female side wasn't gonna be happy if the walking dinner was trying to steal Akane away from him, er, her.   
  
"You, you really think so?" Ryoga was in bliss at the comment.   
  
"Well, you gonna show her some moves or what?" Ranma asked impatiently.   
  
"Huh? Oh yes," with that, Ryoga lashed the ribbon at Ranma, and entangled the pigtailed boy in it. Once it was secure, with a flick of the wrist Ryoga pulled an unwilling Ranma into his arms and held him in a swoon, "Your lips, so close. Oh Ranma, if I could only let you know how I feel."   
  
"That, that was wonderful," said Akane with no little amount of awe, the compliment was lost on Ryoga as he stared into an irate Ranma's eyes.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oh man, it's embarrassing to watch," stated Ranma as he sat on a rock by the pond, "and you, buttering her up like that, you should be ashamed of yourself."   
  
"Hmph," Ryoga snorted, "what I do, I do for LOVE!"   
  
"I KNEW IT!" Yelled Ranma in rage, the Pig boy WAS going after Akane. Ranma leapt at the other cursed boy, already wanting to beat him within an inch of his life.   
  
"Ranma, is this the way you express your love, through violence? Are you attacking me because, dare I hope, you are as confused as I was?" Ryoga asked as he frantically defended himself from lethal bodily harm. The lost boy's footing slipped on the rocks by the pond, and in the haste to gain balance, pulled Ranma with him.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oh my, I'm exhausted," sighed Akane as she flopped onto her bed, face first. She turned herself over so she could breath, when something of beauty and desire caught her eye.   
  
Kodatchi dropped from the ceiling, and brought her hammer down, ready to incapacitate the Tendou girl.   
  
With a strength borne of sheer lust, Akane caught the mallet, threw it aside, and caught the falling girl in her arms, "And to what do I owe this visit?" Inside, Akane screamed, she couldn't help herself as she was 'programmed' to seducing any available creature that presented itself in a sexually favorable way.   
  
"I ...ugh... have come to intro ...errr... introduce myself, I'm from St. Bacchus's School for girls ...hurr... the Black Rose!" Kodatchi struggled to break the grip of the other girl, her movements generating all sorts of unwanted erogenous feelings.   
  
"You going to lick that from my leg when we're done?" asked Akane wryly, as she pressed her thigh harder into the other girl's.   
  
The self proclaimed Black Rose's eyes widened in realization, and with desperate strength, broke the hold and vaulted herself from the bed, and was just in time to land by the door as it swung open hard.   
  
"I want my babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback riiiiibs," sang Ranma-Chan as she cheerfully chased the frantic piglet throughout Akane's room. Akane was just in time to close the door before the Redhead could escape... "Chileeeee's baby back ribs! Ryoga, you wanna wear some barbeque sa...*"   
  
Akane picked up the pigtailed girl after she flattened herself into the door, "I'm sorry, Ranma-sama, but I didn't think you wanted to miss this." Akane then gestured over to the recovering Kodatchi.   
  
"Hey, it's the girl from earlier!" Exclaimed Ranma, "The Black Petunia or something! I've been wanting to nip her bud all day!"   
  
The 'Black Petunia' fully recovered, and stared in wide-eyed shock, slowly her mind recovered enough to get an emergency message through, "RUN, YOU SILLY BITCH, RUN!!!!" Kodatchi decided to do just that as she leapt through the window to make her escape.   
  
Akane tossed Ranma a gymnastics pin, grabbed one for herself, and both followed in pursuit   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Kasumi sat down curiously to watch the cute little cartoon that was playing on the family television.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Twenty minutes later...   
  
"Oh, poor Bambi!" Cried Kasumi. Ranma grinned as she quietly sat next to Kasumi and handed the girl a box of tissues...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"How, HOW DOES SHE DO IT?" whined Ranma-chan.   
  
"Kasumi escaped again, Ranma-sama?" Akane enquired as she continued to practice her form.   
  
Onna-Ranma sighed, then perked up, "well at least we now have time to work on your dexterity..."   
  
"Uh, exactly how limber do you think I need to be, Ranma-sama?" Akane asked slightly concerned.   
  
Ranma's only answer was a toothy smile as she pulled out a copy of the Kama Sutra, along with "Xtreme; the Massochist's guide to sexual over exhertion.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Much to the disappointment of Ranma and Akane, not a petal was seen of their Rhythmic Gymnastics rival until the day of the match.   
  
Ranma-Chan strode purposefully into towards the ring, with Akane hobbling behind her in her gymnastics leotard. Despite the groin pull she had, their grins didn't waiver. After both Akane and Kodatchi were announced for the battle, both walked towards the center of the ring.   
  
"So, you're Tatawake Kuno's sister?" Akane asked wearily.   
  
"Yes, that is my brother," replied the other girl in a haughty and smug fashion, "So, Akane Tendou, are you ready to do battle?"   
  
Akane smiled sinisterly and turned her head slightly to the side.   
  
Kodatchi bowed and replied, "Yes, mistresses."   
  
The whole audience did a massive face fault as the undefeated Black Rose of St. Hebereke climbed out of the ring, earning her first defeat.   
  
Akane walked back to her corner where Ranma was smiling the same smile Akane wore.   
  
"Now remember, you're due at my house for a victory celebration," Akane stated loud and clear for the other girl to hear, "and make sure you wear you school uniform."


	8. Leather & Lace

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
Two weary figures in trench coats and hats strode down the streets of Nerima, carrying along with them a suitcase.   
  
"Are you sure?" Asked a perky female voice.   
  
"Positive, we'll stop here," replied a butch woman's voice, "once we set up shop and issue our challenge, they'll flock to purchase the fine product we endorse."   
  
"You're so clever! Geeweiss, but why here?"   
  
"Because, Golly, this happens to be a location overrun with skilled martial artists, though none can defeat us and our technique. We shall prove that to all comers that we, and by extension our product, are the best!"   
  
"Oh Geeweiss, you're so brilliant!" clapped the smaller girl in a trench coat.   
  
The taller woman chuckled at her masterful plan, "Yes, soon, the undefeated rising stars of the FWOWC, Geeweiss and Golly..."   
  
Both figures shed and tossed their garbs into the air, revealing what nice figures indeed were hidden underneath.   
  
"LEATHER!" Yelled the tall muscular woman with the box haircut wearing strips of leather cleverly placed to what may be liberally labeled as an 'outfit'.   
  
"AND LACE!" Chirped the smaller pale pink haired girl wearing a white teddy with a lacy bra and panties.   
  
"THE DYNAMIC (yet delightfully kinky) CHAMPIONS OF THE FEMALE WORLD OIL WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP!" They both said in unison, striking daring poses as Leather arched her back and stood on her toes with her hands on her butt and her arms and chest muscles flexed, Lace doing a high kick and holding it behind her head, the dental floss she substituted for panties taking up the Herculean effort to hide her unmentionables.   
  
After two minutes, both women dropped their poses, "was that better lace?"   
  
"Much better, but you must emphasize the thrust the hips further for the kick. You must thrust deep, deeper, thrust as deep as it can go, got that?"   
  
"Ye-yes... Geeweiss-chan?"   
  
The taller woman groaned, she knew what that tone of voice meant, "Why is it you always get turned on when I'm coaching you?"   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma..." Ryoga sat in thought upon the roof of the Tendou Dojo, "I'm afraid that I can't stay. I yearn to express myself to you, but the mere thought of your rejection... WOULD SHATTER MY HEART OF GLASS!"   
  
"Whaddya shout'n for, Porky?" enquired Ranma as he looked down upon the Lost boy. Ryoga fell off the roof in surprise.   
  
"Ah, ha ha, Ra-Ranma! I, um, brought something for you..." Ryoga quickly held out a box of maple leaf cakes.   
  
"Hey, thanks Ryoga, you're a pal!" Ranma said as he started to scarf down the cakes.   
  
"Is that all you'll ever think of me, a 'pal?" thought Ryoga somberly.   
  
"So, bacon bits, where ya been? I kinda missed ya!"   
  
Ryoga's face became a look of ecstasy, "Really?"   
  
"Yeah, beating on my old man whenever we spar is gett'n old."   
  
"So, I'm just a punching back for you to practice on?" Ryoga asked with a dangerous edge to his voice.   
  
"Uh, what else would I need ya for?" questioned Ranma, slightly puzzled.   
  
"I see, good bye, Ranma," Ryoga turned and started to walk away.   
  
"Hey, Ryoga." The Lost boy turned back to his rival, hope in his eyes.   
  
"Ye-yes, Ranma?"   
  
"You walk like you had a rod shoved up your ass, you have hemorrhoids or something?   
  
The Lost boy tripped on a tuff of grass, his landing kicking up a flyer on the ground.   
  
"Huh?" Ranma snatched the paper out of the air and began to read.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"So, you wish to demonstrate your prowess against worthy foes?" responded Kuno, "Very well, I, the Great Tatewake Kuno, The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, shall show you the inferiority of your technique before the noble practice of Kendo," after Kuno's riveting speech, he brought his bokken to fore.   
  
"You wanna take him this round, or me?" casually asked the woman with jet black box for hair.   
  
The smaller woman was hiding behind her partner, trembling, "He-he's got one of *those*!" she buried her face deeper into Leather's back.   
  
The taller woman gave a snort of disgust, "Lace, what have I told you about cowering before phallic objects before a match?" Lace looked slightly chagrinned, but couldn't stop her trembling.   
  
"*Groan*, I'll take this match, you just turn away and think about bunnies," Geeweiss was satisfied once the girl looked away and her head started bobbing about, no doubt following the cute bunnies that were bouncing across her sight. "So, let's get this show on the road."   
  
"Very well, I STRIKE!" Kuno launched forth with his standard vertical strike to the head. In a flash of motion, Kuno found himself flat on his back with his legs in the air being held in the fists of his opponent.   
  
"LEATHER FINAL ATTACK; BALL BUSTA PLUNGE!" Leather stuck her right leg in between the downed Kendoist's then wrapped his legs around hers crosswise. Once they were set up, the leather-clad woman leapt high into the air as she could. Kuno's back hit the ground, the force of his landing only second to the pain of the hard, muscular leg crushing his crotch.   
  
The observing crowd winced in proper sympathy, as Kuno laid there, his eyes wide and his legs still in the air.   
  
"Hmph, what a wimp," belittled Leather as she got up from her landing position, "here, take a bottle kid, you're gonna need it."   
  
"G-Geeweiss...chan..." stuttered Golly in a trembling voice   
  
"Golly, you can you even be hot when you weren't even watching the fight? For crying out loud, the BUNNIES set you off?"   
  
"Hey, you ain't half bad, but stick-for-brains ain't much of a match for ya here," said a male voice from the crowd.   
  
"HA! And what man claims to be a match for us?" demanded the tall woman.   
  
"I, Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Martial arts!" the pigtailed boy stepped out into the open with a smug expression.   
  
"Geeeeeweeiiiissss, I need it!"   
  
"Hold it in," demanded Leather, "You think you're man enough to step into to ring with me, boy?"   
  
Ranma looked at the taller woman in distain, "I don't fight women." Ranma started to slowly back away at the immense aura the other woman sprung to existence.   
  
"GEEEEWEEEIISSS HURRY!!!" Lace's tone was becoming more desperate   
  
"So... you think women are weak, do you?" she asked in a calm voice, "Well then, allow me..."   
  
Ranma was totally caught off-guard by the speed exhibited from the taller woman as he was suddenly being held by his legs in a giant swing, "TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION!"   
  
Leather let go of Ranma, causing him to fly away... right into her partner's legs   
  
Lace let out a yip as she felt the back of her legs clipped by the pigtailed boy's shoulder, sending her into the ground in a sitting position.   
  
With a goofy grin and a sigh, the pink haired woman started to buck her hips.   
  
"AAAAHHHH!!! IT STINKS DOWN HERE!" Ranma attempted to scream, but his voice came out as a series of muffles, which added to the other woman's ardor and caused her to gyrate her hips faster.   
  
Ranma faintly heard a girlish scream as the weight of his face was relieved. "Youuuuu...." snarled Leather with as much malice as she could muster, then turned back to her partner, cradled in her arms. Lace still had the glassy eyed, goofy look on her face while her pelvis continued to softly buck. With one final glare at her newly found nemesis, Leather took off to the rooftops so she could give her partner the dire aid she needed.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Really, Ranma-sama, you get used to it after a while," commented Akane dryly.   
  
"Used to this? It smells like FISH!" Ranma proclaimed, marching to the bathroom to scrub the top layer off of his face, "it's really starting to make me feel sick."   
  
Ranma made it to the bathroom, which was at the moment being cleaned by Kasumi, "Ra-Ranma? Uh, can I help you?"   
  
"I'm just gonna wash my face," the pigtailed boy stated simply as he walked over to the sink.   
  
"Could you hold on until I'm finished?" enquired the girl nervously.   
  
"This just can't wait," Ranma turned on the hot water and began to wash his face."   
  
"AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL..."   
  
The bathroom door slammed closed, "Oh dear, we're locked in the bathroom together, however should we keep our selves occupied until we're rescued?" the redhead asked with mock worriedness, as she tossed the door knob up and down.   
  
"...until the water heats up," whimpered Kasumi.   
  
Kasumi was frozen in place as Ranma dove after her holding a bottle of shampoo in one hand and a back scrubber in the other. The older girl was relieved when something crashed through the window and collided with the back of Ranma-chan's head, knocking her out.   
  
"ThankyouKamithankyouKamithankyouKami," repeated Kasumi as she picked up the doorknob that Ranma had dropped and reattached it to the door.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Somebody, throw a steel folding chair through our bathroom window, with a challenge letter scratched onto it?" Nabiki asked incredulously.   
  
"It appears so," replied her older sister as she handed the chair to her sibling.   
  
Nabiki took the note and read it, then looked towards the male Ranma, then busted out laughing.   
  
"Glad someone thinks this is funny," groused Ranma.   
  
"Ranma-sama, this note says that the match is for no hold barred martial arts oil wrestling," stated Akane, reading the message further.   
  
"Heh, we got this in the bag," the pigtailed boy stated casually.   
  
"But the match is tomorrow, don't you need to train or something?" Nabiki asked, though gleefully hoping for Ranma to have it handed to him on a platter in a bun with sauerkraut.   
  
Akane and Ranma looked at each other, then Ranma turned away and blushed crimson while Akane looked away and started whistling.   
  
"We, um, have it already covered," replied Ranma sheepishly.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Golly was a total wreck, how DARE a man touch her that way. Worse, how DARE she enjoy it, " Oh Geeweiss, I didn't mean anything by it! I just needed it! You believe me, don't you?"   
  
"I said I DON'T wanna talk about it!" growled the taller woman, doing squats, "we'll get our revenge on that perverted bastard, and at the same time expose our audience to our fine product."   
  
"Goody! Double whammy!"   
  
"Of course, and once we've ground this Ranma Saotome scum into tomato paste, we..." Leather struck a dramatic pose   
  
"LEATHER!"   
  
Lace followed behind her.   
  
"LACE!"   
  
"Will be proven beyond the doubt to be the CHAMPIONS OF THE FEMALE WORLD OIL WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP!!!"   
  
After two minutes, both women relaxed their poses, "how was that?"   
  
"You need to put more feeling into it, you need to get it deep, deep I say, deep in your gut!"   
  
Golly started to fidget, "Ooooh, Geeweiss....chan..."   
  
"WHAT? We just finished ten minutes ago!"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL. IN THIS CORNER WEIGHING..."   
  
"Ranma-sama, I'm not sure about these names," commented Akane with some worry.   
  
Don't fret it, they're great names," Ranma-chan placated as she adjusted her bikini fighting gear   
  
"RANMA 'BUSHWACKER' SAOTOME, and AKANE 'THIGHMASTER' TENDOU!!!!"   
  
Ranma proudly strode out to the arena as Akane tried in vain to hide her face. If only the crowd weren't so amazingly silent.   
  
"AND IN THIS CORNER, WEIGHING A COMBINED THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO POUNDS, THE INTERNATIONAL FEMALE WORLD OIL WRESTLING CHAMPIONS, LEATHER AND LAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!"   
  
The roar was deafening as the two champions ran out to the arena and incited the crowd, running up on the turnbuckles and gesturing for the crowd to get louder.   
  
"Eh, who the hell are you?" demanded Leather as she pointed towards Akane and Ranma.   
  
"Ranma won't fight girls, so I'm taking his place," answered the pigtailed girl smugly.   
  
"Hmph, chauvinist pig, after we deal with you honey, we'll just go looking for him."   
  
Akane and Leather got out of the ring, Onna-Ranma and Lace beginning the match. Ranma sludged through the ankle high oil, trying to maintain her balance. Lace gave a predatory smirk and rushed towards the redhead with much firmer footing.   
  
"LACE SPECIAL FEMALE OIL WRESTLING TECHNIQUE; LUBRICATED ENTRY!" The girl turned her dash into a slide, kicking Ranma-Chan's legs from under her. Before Ranma could fully even fall, Lace pushed off the ground with her hands, kicking her opponent in the jaw and sending her into the air, back into her corner.   
  
"Whoa, rough entry," dazedly commented Ranma as she attempted to stand and slipped on the oil.   
  
"LOOKS LIKE CHALLENGER BUSHWACKER TOOK A HEAVY HIT EARLY IN THE MATCH! IT DOESN'T BOAD WELL FOR THEM!"   
  
"Ranma-sama, tag me in!" demanded Akane, Ranma complying so she could clear the cobwebs from her head. Akane leapt into the ring with the lace bikinied girl and promptly slipped and fell.   
  
"I can take these two myself," proclaimed the mistress of all things frilly and skimpy, "you wanna just relax out there for a bit, Leather-chan?"   
  
"Sure, enjoy," with that, Leather pulled out a copy of Home and Garden.   
  
Akane finally firmed her footing and stalked shakily towards the pink haired girl. Lace calmly stood there with an amused grin and allowed Akane to grab her into a bear hug. Being well oiled and slick from her previous move, Lace easily slipped out of the other girl's grasp. While still low, Lace slide under Akane, turned around, and stuck her head in between Akane's legs while grabbing onto the other girl's thighs.   
  
"LACE SPECIAL FEMALE OIL WRESTLING TECHNIQUE; CUNT CAP SUPLEX!" Before the move's victim could react, Akane was slammed backwards onto the oil covered and plastic lined canvas. Akane rolled away after she was let go and tried to catch back the breath that was knocked out of her. The other girl wouldn't give Akane a break, as she rushed after her with her fist back.   
  
"LACE SPECIAL FEMALE OIL WRESTLING TECHNIQUE; VIBRATOR PUNCH!" The air started to hum around Lace's fist as she drove it into Akane's stomach. The raven-haired girl's eyes widened as her body went numb and started to shake, almost causing her to lose footing. While Akane fought to keep upright, she was unable to defend against Lace's next attack.   
  
"LACE FOLLOWUP TECHNIQUE; SCREAMING CLIMAX!" Lace rose in a rising uppercut, catching Akane in the jaw and sending her right back to Ranma.   
  
"OUCH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT, FOLKS! THIGHMASTER MAY BE OUT FOR THE COUNT ON THAT ONE!"   
  
"Hmm, hey ref, read this article! It has some very useful information," Leather handed the magazine for the referee to look over, and while she was occupied, jumped into the ring.   
  
"Tag me in!" commanded Ranma, reaching her hand closer to her dazed partner. Akane reached out dizzily, only to be dragged back by two pairs of hands.   
  
"LEATHER AND LACE DOUBLETEAM ATTACK; FORE-PLAY FALL!" Both women lifted Akane up into the air, and as she descended, so did each girl's elbow into Akane's stomach.   
  
"Well, I never thought of using a doily in such a way before," exclaimed the Ref, turning back to look at the fight, "HEY! ONLY ONE OF YOU SHOULD BE IN THERE!"   
  
"IT'S A TOTAL DEBAUCLE FOLKS! CAN THIGHMASTER RECOVER FROM THIS DEVISTATING DOUBLETEAM BLOW?"   
  
Leather got out of the ring, pleased that the victory was in the bag. Lace went to pin Akane down while the Ref started counting.   
  
"ONE... TWO... THR"   
  
Akane managed to lift one shoulder off of the mat, much to Lace's annoyance, "You're strong, I guess I'll just have to play harder."   
  
"LACE FINAL ATTACK; DECENDING LITTLE DEATH!!!!"   
  
Akane's eyes snapped open to see the airborne girl, "Uh oh, I don't like the sound of that..." gathering what little energy she had left, Akane rolled away from the dive-bombing woman. The whole mat shook with Lace's landing, propelling Akane into the air towards Ranma.   
  
Akane's top slipped just before she tagged Ranma. Lace gave chase, but paused at Akane's exposure and gulped.   
  
"So, it's like that then, eh?" Ranma said with a sly smirk.   
  
Lace shook her head and went into stance, waiting for what the redhead would do.   
  
"SAOTOME SENSUAL ARTS TECHNIQUE...." Onna-Ranma yelled as she unsteadily ran towards the other girl, "whoopsie! The oil made my breasts fall from my top!"   
  
Lace growled and ran towards the other girl, "LACE COUNTER TECHNIQUE, LUSTFUL LARIET!!!"   
  
Ranma was clotheslined onto the mat, wondering what just went wrong.   
  
"Heh, heh, heh, fool, intentional distractions don't work against Lace," stated Leather, "in a match, she's completely focused and well aware when someone's trying to distract her."   
  
"Ugh, I need a stronger ploy if I wanna survive this," thought the redhead as she stood back up. Before anything came to mind, she blinked as she felt a head slide between her thighs from behind.   
  
"UH OH! LOOKS LIKE THIS IS THE END FOR BUSHWACKER!"   
  
"LACE SUPER TECHNIQUE; CUNT CAP SUPLEX MULTIPLE CLIMAX!" Ranma was lifted into the air and slammed down hard, but this time she wasn't given a chance to roll away. Lace held on as she flipped over Ranma, then rolled the girl back up and lifted her into the air, slamming her down again. After the fifth slam, Lace finally let go of Ranma-Chan.   
  
"Now, FOR THE FINAL BLOW! FINAL TECHNIQUE; DECENDING LITTLE DEATH!!!" The move connected solidly with Ranma-Chan, the whole ring shaking with the impact.   
  
"RANMA, NO!" yelled Akane, fearing the worst.   
  
"Heh, too easy," commented the pink bikini-wearing woman as she pinned Ranma down for an easy count out.   
  
"WE HAD A ONE COUNT, TWO, THR*"   
  
The count out was stopped as Akane dropped her elbow onto the back of Lace's neck, forcing her to give up her pin. Akane was shooed back into her corner by the referee and given a warning, but by the time she returned, Ranma had gained back a bit of self and was crawling back to her ring corner.   
  
"Oh no you don't, FINAL TECHNIQUE, DECENDING LITTLE DEATH!!!" Ranma turned just in time to raise her foot to intercept, catching the other girl completely in the stomach.   
  
Lace staggered back then fell on her butt, gasping for breath. Ranma-chan slowly crawled over to her corner, unfortunately farther from hers than Lace was. Leather's hand was stretched out, anxiously waiting for the tag in, as Akane mirrored the action. Ranma was just a couple of yards away when Lace tagged in her partner. The taller woman ran after Ranma, just barely reaching her in time to tag Akane in.   
  
"YOU HURT MY RANMA-SAMA, AND FOR THAT YOU PAY!" Leather would have chuckled, but was slightly worried when she noticed her opponent had a strong footing on the mat, when earlier she was worse off than her partner.   
  
Akane reached back, and slammed forward with the biggest mallet she had conjured yet, felling the leather clad woman face first into the ground   
  
"AND AKANE BRINGS OUT A HIDDEN WEAPON FOLKS, WHAT A BATTLE WE'RE WITNESSING!" The commentator screamed in excitement, before turning back to the bellman, "where did she hide that thing anyway?"   
  
"GEEWIESS!!!" yelled Lace as she ran into the ring unheeding of the rules, and for her trouble received a drop kick from Akane. Leather got back up shakily and received her own pair of feet into her chest. The raven haired girl then turned back just in time to block a forearm attack from Lace, and returned one of her own, followed by another, and another. Unfortunately, Akane was too caught up in wailing on the pink haired woman to notice Leather.   
  
Akane suddenly found herself lifted into the air in the same hold Lace had her in earlier. This time Leather was the one holding her in the air, while Lace climbed onto the turnbuckle.   
  
"LEATHER AND LACE DOUBLETEAM ATTACK; THREESOME FINISHER!" Lace leapt off the turnbuckle into a flying body press, colliding with Akane while Leather went into Lace's trademark suplex.   
  
Ranma's irises flashed red for a moment, her rage getting the better of her as she dashed into the ring. Before either of her opponents could recover from their clincher double team move, Ranma-chan slammed into them like a miniature freight train, sending Lace over the ringside and Leather onto the canvas hard. Unfortunately with the momentum she carried, Ranma couldn't stop as she flew into the ropes and rebounded back to her side, sliding under the ropes there.   
  
"IT'S TOTAL MAYHEM IN THERE, FOLKS! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MATCH SO CLIMATIC IN MY WHOLE CAREER!"   
  
Without any of the opponents standing, the referee started counting both teams out. Both Akane and Leather started to recover slowly. As each girl made it to their corner, both were slightly annoyed to find their partners were also recovering themselves.   
  
Finally as each wrestler caught their bearings, Akane tagged in Ranma. Ranma ran after Leather, who was still waiting for her partner to regain consciousness from Ranma's charge, and leapt onto her shoulders. Ranma then bent backwards with her knees locked around the leather clad woman's neck and flipped her over. Ranma got up and didn't realize how much Leather also had recovered and was pulled into a grapple.   
  
"LEATHER FINAL ATTACK; ROLLING ORGY!!!" Leather maneuvered into an octopus hold on Ranma, then brought both to the ground as she started rolling with Ranma in her cradle technique.   
  
The analytical part of Ranma's mind usually reserved for her guy side kicked in, looking for holes in the move that was slowly draining her energy, and found one, with a slight twist here and a kick there, Ranma was free.   
  
"I'm defiantly impressed, you found a flaw in my final technique," congratulated Leather as she pulled herself up from her turnbuckle corner, refusing to tag her partner who was feeling healthy and vengeful.   
  
"Akane, I think I have an idea," stated Ranma as she tagged her partner in, but instead of heading out of the ring, Ranma pulled Akane into a modified version of the same move that Ranma herself had been in.   
  
Leather stopped from stalking forward, wondering what the hell her opponents were doing as they rolled toward her. Her question was answered as she was suddenly tripped and pulled into the cluster of limbs.   
  
In Leather's corner, her partner began to tremble...   
  
With a scream of frustration, Leather used all her might to break the hold the two girls had on her, her well oiled body not allowing her opponents to have a firm grip on her.   
  
Akane was almost out of it, and Ranma was staggering back to her feet, fighting her wave of vertigo and the slick surface for balance.   
  
"ENOUGH!" Ordered Leather, "I'll finish this now!" The tall woman took a deep breath and puffed out her chest.   
  
"LEATHER FINAL TECHNIQUE NUMBER TWO; TITTIE TWISTER TORNADO!!!" Leather spun on her axis, her well-endowed mammaries spinning out as she spun closer to a frozen and drooling Ranma-Chan. The smaller girl felt herself being slammed by the same objects she was trying to grasp on, and after being pummeled, was thrown into the air and into the guard rope where she became entangled.   
  
Leather stopped spinning and took a step forward, ready to end the fight...   
  
"GEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS-CCCCCCHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!"   
  
Leather yelped as her overheated partner needing release tackled her from behind.   
  
"WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS! THE MATCH HAS BECOME ONE MASSIVE ORGY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! THANK GOD THIS IS PAY-PER-VEIW!!!"   
  
The referee was confused at what to do; in one corner, Leather and Lace were in the middle of something... personal, while Thighmaster was trying desperately to untangle Bushwacker, her slippery hands serving only to excite her partner more than assist. After much contemplating, the ref came to a decision as she picked back up Leather's magazine and started reading the article about how to keep potatoes fresh.   
  
"Ah, an apple in the bin with them? What a novel idea."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"I have to admit, you two gave us a pretty good run out there," said Leather with respect.   
  
"Well, we gave no more than we got, I mean you two are pretty good!" Akane replied to the compliment, "I just wish Ranma would hurry up though."   
  
"I don't blame her," commented Lace, as she applied the makeup she lost while painting Leather, "That oil we endorse is great."   
  
"It was awfully nice of you to give us a lifetime supply of it, unfortunately Ranma-sama used all the 'nature's candy' flavor to fill the furo up in the locker room."   
  
"Kay, 'Kane-chan, your turn," stated the redhead as she walked into the main locker room.   
  
"Thank you, Ranma-sama."   
  
"Why do you call her Ranma-sama anyway?" asked Leather.   
  
Ranma and Akane looked at each other, "private secret, would you like us to share?"   
  
Both Lace and Leather got contemplative smiles on their faces, but before they could answer, one of the locker room walls exploded inwards.   
  
"Ranma, I find you now!" shouted a purple haired girl.


	9. The Amazon cometh

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
  
"Ranma," hissed the dual mace-wielding girl as she went into ready position.   
  
"Sha-Shampoo!" Ranma stared at the one girl she had no intention to get cozy with, not that she was adverse to the idea, there was just a simple problem with...   
  
"YOU I KILL!"   
  
Yeah, that's it.   
  
Ranma dodged to the side, barely missing getting her insides pulped by a large bonbori mace, then leapt into the air.   
  
"Shampoo, you are the one person I just can't DEAL WITH!" Ranma pulled off the towel she was using to dry her self off and tossed it into the pursuing girl's vision. Ranma prayed that Akane would take a clue.   
  
"Ranma!" Shampoo demanded, scanning the room and only finding three other occupants.   
  
"Ranma's in..." a large feminine hand clamped over Lace's mouth.   
  
"Ranma-sama went in through there!" Akane tried to cover, pointing outside through the hole Shampoo made.   
  
The purple haired girl stared at Akane to ensure she was telling the truth, and involuntarily stepped back once from the unbridled lust that the raven-haired girl's eyes returned.   
  
"BAD!" Shampoo slammed one of her maces into a nearby bench, breaking it in half and ran out in pursuit.   
  
"I'm in the mood for Chinese tonight," commented Akane as she watched the other girl disappear from view. The raven-haired girl was gonna have to find out exactly what the purple haired girl's beef was with Ranma-sama.   
  
"Did you see the tail we just gave up, Ranma-sama?" demanded Akane, gaining a couple of nods of support from Leather and Lace.   
  
"Love to, Akane, but I'm not into SNUFF," stated Ranma-chan dryly as she rolled herself from under the broken bench...   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Here Mr. Customers, we come to village of Amazons," announced the guide as they strode by a rice field. Ranma would have found all this interesting indeed, if he was conscious, not bound and gagged at the time.   
  
"This village women very strong! They show their skill now!" said the guide, pointing to a crowd surrounding two, er, 'women' battling atop a suspended log. Something else though caught the panda's eyes, and checking to ensure his 'son' was sleeping happily, went on to indulge itself.   
  
"Winning Martial art show is good honor... er, Mr. Customer?"   
  
Genma paused in stuffing his face, impatiently waiting for the guide to continue, "Gworf?"   
  
"Uh, where other Mr. Customer go?"   
  
The Panda, oblivious to the purple haired girl bearing down on him, pointed in the spot where... a bunch of ropes and a gag lay.   
  
"OH NO! MR. HORNY CUSTOMER LOOSE IN VILLAGE OF WOMENS!!!!"   
  
Fortunately, or unfortunately, Shampoo's mace nearly slamming into the panda gave them something else to worry about.   
  
"Ask why I let pet panda steal food, she say," the guide paused as he realized what she asked, "NO! Mr. Customer no my Panda! Er.." The guide went to speaking the Amazon dialect, and stopped short when The Purple haired Amazon stiffened.   
  
Shampoo went rigid at the most peculiar feeling. Slowly turning around, the Amazon saw out of the corner of her eye, a cute little redhead grinning devilishly, then looked down to find the other girl's hands slowly moving down the front of her pants.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"So, how was it?" Asked Leather, giving the redhead her rapt attention.   
  
"Just wait a sec, alright?" pleaded Ranma as she restarted her story...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Shampoo was extremely confused. From the shocked looks around her, what the outsider girl was doing to her was apparently not a good thing. Hoping for some clue on what to do, Shampoo scanned the crowd until her eyes came upon a fellow warrior gesturing for her to give 'the kiss'.   
  
Shampoo pulled herself out of the awkward (yet strangely comforting and exiting) embrace of the other girl, grabbed her by the cheeks, and then kissed her forehead.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"She kissed you, now she wants to kill you? Were you THAT bad," asked Akane, sure Ranma could drop the ball sometimes, but her technique was nearly flawless.   
  
"Just hear me out, alright?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"WE MUST RUN! MR CUSTOMER!" Yelled the guide, dragging the other girl along with her.   
  
"Don't worry, I can make time for you too," smirked Ranma as she went along with the guide.   
  
"That one give you kiss of death! Amazons have very big pride, and you humiliate that one in front of village. Kiss of death promise to chase to end of Earth and KILL!"   
  
Back at the village, Shampoo assumed she had given the other girl ample time for a head start, and began to run after her. After two steps, Shampoo felt something peculiar, and looked down in her pants.   
  
The guide ran double-time when he heard the scream in Mandarin from back where they came from   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Sigh, control, Ranma-sama, you really need to learn control," chided Akane, as her and Ranma walked home; both unaware of their 'shadow'.   
  
"Well, if she's here, that means I'm gonna have to spend a lot more time as the virgin until she hits the trail. Shame too," said Ranma wistfully, fiddling with a pair of panties she had stuffed in her pocket, "she sure smelled nice too."   
  
After a quickie at Dr. Tofu's, Ranma was back to his male form as he and Akane walked into the Tendou household.   
  
"Hello Ranma, you have a guest!" greeted Kasumi, as she got up from the table and sat directly opposite the pigtailed boy. As an afterthought, started gathering any cold liquids from the table, taking them to the sink.   
  
"Uncle Saotome brought her. She was just telling us this wonderful story on how you two met."   
  
"ARE YOU *BANGBANGBANG* INSANE, POP?" Ranma calmly asked, before handing the mallet back to Akane.   
  
"Ranma?" enquired Shampoo, as she got in the pigtailed boy's face, "Nihao..."   
  
"Er, n-nihao, uh, girl I do not know," Replied Ranma nervously.   
  
"Is... man?" Shampoo stated, confused.   
  
"Uh, yes I am, one hundred percent guy. Yup, that's me! Heh heh."   
  
"Don't you DARE touch him, little girl!" Growled Ryoga.   
  
"P-chan, where did you come from?" asked Akane.   
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" yelled P-chan, "I have to keep this bimbo from getting her claws into Ranma," thought the bandanna clad boy, "I know, if I expose Ranma now, she'll go away, not wanting to be with a part-time girl!"   
  
"Er, Ryoga, what are you doing with that pail?" Ranma asked nervously. Ryoga just grinned ferally and readied to empty its contents over the other boy.   
  
Shampoo came to Ranma's save herself, as her bonbori passed between both Ryoga and Ranma, stopping in Akane's hands.   
  
"WANT RANMA!" demanded Shampoo.   
  
"What are you..." equally demanded Akane, to be cut off by the other girl.   
  
"You hide Ranma, you too..."   
  
Akane screeched as the second mace just barely sailed above her head, "I KILL!!!"   
  
"HEY! You can poke someone's eye out with that thing!" yelled Ranma, as he kicked the mace's head off of the handle, sending it up in the air, and down onto Shampoo's head.   
  
"Humiliated again, poor girl," stated Ryoga somberly, though inwardly he was dancing that the hussy wouldn't be standing in the way of his destined love.   
  
"Oh Ranma, that wasn't a nice trick to play on her," chided Kasumi, hoping the girl will chase the pervert away for good.   
  
"I would be so embarrassed," read the panda's sign.   
  
"But this means..." Akane started as Shampoo started to recover.   
  
"Nobody found it funny! Really!" pleaded Ranma waving his hands frantically.   
  
"Now, now, Ranma, it's not proper to keep a girl from her kiss," stated Kasumi with a larger smile on her face than usual.   
  
Shampoo strode slowly towards Ranma with an unreadable expression, placed her hands on Ranma's cheeks, and kissed him fully on the lips.   
  
"Wo ai ni."   
  
Akane cheered and threw streamers about while waving a banner with the words "Mandarin style cat tonight" written in hastily scrawled Kanji.   
  
Ryoga's battle aura flared as his fist connected with Ranma's skull, "Unfaithful cur!"   
  
"Why you do that for? He enjoying!" demanded Shampoo.   
  
"What's this now? What's all this racket?" enquired Soun as he stomped into the room.   
  
"Well, um, I think, uh, father, Ranma's intimate lesbian lover from China has a fatal attraction and has promised to hunt 'him' to the ends of the earth and kill 'him' unless he takes her back, making Ranma to dangerous to be around," there, that ought to get rid of the sex changing pervert.   
  
"So... I see," replied Soun, not really all that phased by the info, which puzzled Kasumi.   
  
"IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY!!" Both Ranma and Ryoga exclaimed at the same time.   
  
Ranma looked at the lost boy in a peculiar manner, "er, thanks Ryoga," the other boy was too much on cloud nine from Ranma thanking him to reply, "But you other guys can think whatever you want, if that's how you all see me..."   
  
"It's hard to see you in any other way," growled Ryoga, who had come back from bliss to witness Shampoo rubbing herself against his man.   
"Now Ranma, perhaps you can explain," enquired Soun as he calmly took a puff of his cigarette.   
  
"Like I know what's going on!"   
  
Shampoo handed a thread bound book to the older male, perhaps now once they understood her laws, they wouldn't stand in her way.   
  
"This, this is quite interesting..." stated Soun as he looked upon the passage the purple haired girl opened it to.   
  
"Yes, yes, what is it?" asked Ranma as he scooted closer.   
  
"Mandarin and Kanji share many of the same symbols!" Exclaimed the Tendou patriarch.   
  
Ranma pulled his face from the ground and growled at Soun, "You mean to tell me you can't read the damn thing?"   
  
"The laws of the Amazons," started Nabiki.   
  
"Why, welcome home Nabiki."   
  
"In the event that a woman warrior is defeated by an outsider, if her opponent is a woman, she must give her the kiss of death and kill her. However, if her opponent is a man, she must make him her husband. If the woman warrior is humiliated by an outsider, in or out of combat, the kiss of death must also be instated. In the event a male humiliates a woman warrior out of combat, he also is to receive the kiss of death, if it was during combat, he then is to become her husband."   
  
Kasumi's grin became larger, "Oh my, what complicated rules..."   
  
"If a woman warrior is..." Nabiki paused, and then looked up at Ranma, "Ranma, were you a girl when you met Shampoo?"   
  
"Uh..." Ranma looked nervously at Shampoo, who looked a bit puzzled at the question.   
  
"What you mean, 'were you girl when you meet Shampoo'?"   
  
"Um, yes, the FEMALE Ranma met Shampoo!" Ranma gave a glance of thanks towards Akane.   
  
Nabiki looked at the passage she was reading, then looked back at Ranma, then back to the passage, then fell back in hysterics.   
  
"Glad someone finds this funny," groused Ranma.   
  
"My, Nabiki, are you okay?" enquired Kasumi with concern. Nabiki pointed the next paragraph in the book out to Kasumi, who looked at it, then back to Ranma, then back to the book, and fell, finding it hard to gather her breath.   
  
"What are you guys laughing at? I bet you can't even read Chinese!" called Ranma, his face turning red from being laughed at.   
  
"I.... hee hee.... can't, the... HAHAHAAAA, paragraph in Japan... haaa, Japanese is next... hee... to it!"   
  
Akane took the book, and read where her sister left off, then looked at Ranma, then back to the book, "Oh.... my, you won't like this, Ranma-sama."   
  
Ryoga took the book, read it, and then passed out.   
  
"WHAT IS IT! LEMME SEE IT!" Ranma snatched the book and finished reading it, "great, just... great, but WHY is she trying to kill me?"   
  
"Amazon womens is strong, we prove domin, domin, strong over outsiders by Kill, yes?"   
  
"No, Shampoo, to 'dominate' another woman doesn't mean 'kill' in this case," stated Nabiki dryly, before her facade cracked and she was back in her laughing fit.   
  
"What Shampoo do, dominate?" Shampoo asked, if she wasn't supposed to kill the other girl, then what was she supposed to do.   
  
"Follow me..." Nabiki gestured towards the upstairs.   
  
"Hmm, okay," replied the bubbly girl.   
  
"Scary..." whispered Akane.   
  
"That's it, I'm never turning into a girl again!" exclaimed Ranma as he jumped out of the house.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma-sama, you *have* to be hot in that thing!" stated Akane, looking at Ranma huddled in a tight raincoat.   
  
"No, I am never coming out! I'm staying a guy for the rest of my life, and that's final!" announced the sweating pigtailed boy.   
  
"Aren't you being just a little irrational? I mean as much as you're sweating now you'll..." Akane paused as she noted the shorter redhead shucking her raincoat, "probably change anyhow."   
  
"I feel like nookie tonight, like nookie tonight, like nookie tonight! Oriental flavor!"   
  
"So what are you gonna do about Shampoo?"   
  
"I'm gonna bend over and say 'hurt me, mommy'!"   
  
Akane blinked as now she was holding a heavy felt cat of nine tails while Ranma was bent over awaiting her punishment, "I guess it doesn't seem so bad, but I have a feeling that we're missing something here."   
  
"I know what you mean, wanna go back and get her then?"   
  
Akane cheerfully nodded.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oooh Shampoo! We've been verrrrrry naughty!" cooed Ranma as she and Akane returned home.   
  
"Ranma, you no run away from Shampoo anymore!" called the Amazon's voice from upstairs.   
  
"I promise not to do it again," the redhead replied in a crestfallen fashion, easily taking into the role.   
  
Shampoo came down stairs in the same vinyl outfit Nabiki had worn not too far back.   
  
"Hmm, you look a lot better in that than Nabiki did," commented the pigtailed girl, ignoring the shout of 'go fuck yourself raw' from upstairs.   
  
"Ranma, you stay come here and take punishment," Shampoo pulled from behind her a familiar horse bridle and spreader bar.   
  
"Nabiki, I'm so proud of you," thought the redhead to herself as she slowly approached Shampoo on all fours with her head down.   
  
"Now Ranma be good and put this on so we go back to China."   
  
Ranma stopped her act, "Say what?"   
  
"RANMA NO HAVE PERMISSION TO SPEAK!" Shampoo brought forth a whip and snapped it at Onna-Ranma's chest.   
  
"HEY!" exclaimed the girl as she sidestepped getting her mammaries from getting nicked, "what's this about going back to China?"   
  
"SILENCE SLAVE!" Shampoo snapped the whip far past Ranma, then jerked her arm over, causing the weapon to wrap itself around the pigtailed girl, "Shampoo train you to know outsider place when back at village, yes?"   
  
"NO!" proclaimed Ranma, realizing where the catch was and struggled to free herself."   
  
"Rule one for slave; no argue with master!" Shampoo stated as she pulled Ranma to the ground, "Rule two for slave; no make master unhappy, or slave unhappy..."   
  
Akane sat frozen at the scene, wondering whether or not to interfere; it looked like fun, but seemed like it was kinda getting out of hand. Suddenly her mind registered what Shampoo had stated earlier, "Back to China? RANMA!"   
  
"Rule three; self-indulgence without the proper supervision and assistance is strictly forbidden."   
  
"Oh, Nabiki, you're gonna PAY for that one," growled the pigtailed girl under her breath.   
  
"Shampoo take you back to village, after we find boy type Ranma."   
  
"No, Ranma not go back to village, even after we find boy type Ranma!" argued Ranma-chan as she finally detangled herself and ran out the door.   
  
"Girl type Ranma make Shampoo ANGRY!!!" The purple haired girl yelled in pursuit.   
  
Ryoga stood on the roof, watching Ranma-chan make her escape, "Don't worry Ranma, I'll save you!" Ryoga leapt off the roof, and landed on four hooves.   
  
"Sorry, P-chan, but I can't have you interfering with this," Nabiki said casually as she slung the empty pail over her shoulder, "as much as I may miss Ranma's attentions, it would be all worthwhile knowing what she's gonna be going through."   
  
P-chan squealed indignantly, but begrudgeonly turned to watch events unfold   
  
Ranma ran and dodge the whip snaps behind her; the girl was just as relentless as a dominatrix as she was an assassin.   
  
"RANMA-SAMA," called out Akane as she threw Ranma a kettle of hot water. The redhead girl got the idea, and as she rounded a corner, changed back into a guy.   
  
"Airen! You see where slave go?" asked Shampoo as she grabbed onto her betrothed in a grip matching that of an anaconda.   
  
"HURK! Back... that way.." Ranma twisted his head to signal the direction.   
  
"Okay, we go home soon, Airen, is okay?"   
  
"Er, yeah, um, no," Ranma replied nervously, Shampoo only caught the beginning reply and nodded happily as she ran back in pursuit.   
  
Ranma breathed a sigh of relief and turned, only to run into a spray of water.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Ranma, the flowers looked like they needed watering, and I didn't want them to be thirsty," replied Kasumi, a bit too innocently even for her.   
  
Before the redhead could give her reply, Ranma yelped in pain from the sting on her butt, "Shampoo now teach slave place," with that, the ebony clad girl pulled out a pair of nipple clamps, attached to a portable electrolysis machine, which was attached to a "Die Hard" car battery. Ranma's eyes went wide; she may be into pain, but some things...   
  
The pigtailed girl went into a flat dash, meeting up with Akane who had her hand extended with a kettle of hot water. Ranma took the kettle and leapt to the roof.   
  
Shampoo landed and approached her beloved, "Boy type Ranma see where Girl type go?"   
  
"Er, she went, um, that away," Ranma pointed behind himself.   
  
Shampoo looked at him skeptically, "You sure she go there? She not where you say last time."   
  
"I'm really, REALLY positive!" exclaimed Ranma, nodding his head animatedly.   
  
Ranma slumped on the roof, and found a cool refreshment."   
  
"Whoops, how clumsy of me to trip and throw my iced tea all the way onto the roof," apologized Nabiki with a nasty smirk.   
  
"Girl type Ranma, you is sneaky!"   
  
Onna Ranma made a dive off the roof, not making it before Shampoo snagged her ankles with the whip. Ranma dangled from the roof as Akane ran and tossed a bucket of hot water onto her.   
  
"Huh? Airen, what you do there?" enquired the Amazon, she was sure she had Girl type Ranma that time.   
  
"I'm not girl type Ranma so lemme down!" demanded the pig tailed boy, finding his request granted before he was ready and landed soundly on his head.   
  
"Oooh, slave no get away!" Shampoo stalked off in search of her 'possession', leaving Ranma with only a slight headache.   
  
"CANNONBALL!" read the panda's sign as the large animal tucked into a tight ball and descended into the fishpond.   
  
"MR. SAOTOME!" yelled Akane indignantly.   
  
"Sorry, couldn't resist," Genma's sign displayed as he looked downwards shamefaced.   
  
"My, what an eventful day," stated Kasumi as Ranma ran away in the background, being pursued by a purple haired girl in a black skintight outfit.


	10. Shampooing your Troubles Away

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
"Ranma, you seen Aka..." Nabiki was rather upset at the sight she walked in on. Akane lay naked and spent in the corner of the room, Shampoo resting peacefully while murmuring about her beloved. Ranma-chan slept a bit fitfully, which could be forgiven by the fact that she was thoroughly hogtied and ball gagged.   
  
"And you didn't even come and get me..." growled the middle Tendou girl as she walked out, deciding they can miss the school morning for all she cared.   
  
"Mmm, Ranma you..." Akane awoke and noted she had been dragged into the corner, and then saw the condition Ranma was in. Deciding she had her fun for the night, the raven-haired girl tiptoed out of the room and came back with a steaming glass of water.   
  
"MMMPH, huh?" Male-Ranma woke up to the near steaming cup of water, trying to get his bearings.   
  
"Shhh, Ranma-sama, I'll have you out in a second, just hold on," Akane went to work on the knots, "guh! These are tight! Oooh, I'm gonna have to remember this knot for later..."   
  
"Yeah, it's uh, firm but gentle on the wrists," commended Ranma.   
  
"Aiyah..." both Akane and Ranma turned to see the awakened Amazon, staring at the scene in dismay, "Why you tie up airen? And where Shampoo slave?" Shampoo narrowed her eyes and glared at Akane, " you, you hide Shampoo rightful property, you tie up husband to steal away. Outsider womans who cross Amazon go to bad place..."   
  
Akane got up slowly and started backing away, as if retreating from a rapid dog, "I, uh, that is, um... did anyone tell you you're awfully cute?"   
  
Shampoo looked at Akane with a puzzled expression, "Shampoo know she cute, why Japanese girl care?"   
  
Ranma and Shampoo patiently waited for Akane to continue, "Well, it's just that I... couldn't help but admire you, you know?" Akane stated, adding a suggestive lilt to her voice.   
  
"Is true, Amazons very much admired, Amazon womans strong!"   
  
"I'd like to see just how... strong you are?" Akane was going into full swing now, one half of her brain screaming that it wasn't right, plus they had to get to school, the other half saying 'fuck school and I'll just... heh heh!"   
  
Shampoo face grew smug before replying, "You challenge Shampoo?"   
  
Akane remembered a certain law of the Amazons, causing her to momentarily drop her act, "NO NO! I don't mean that! I, well..." Akane decided for the direct approach, "you're breasts, they're just so firm, can I touch them?"   
  
Shampoo once again looked confused, "Why you want touch Shampoo breast?" Akane had to face fault on that one.   
  
"Akane, are you trying to come onto Shampoo?" enquired the hog-tied boy; Akane at least didn't have far to fall this time.   
  
"Forget it, mood's totally spoiled now. If you don't mind, Shampoo, me and your... 'husband' have to go to school now, I really hope to see more of you later." With that, Akane pulled a naked and tied up Ranma from the room, and a second later, rushed back in the room, "whoops, forgot his clothes..."   
  
"Son, there are three young ladies in the house!"   
  
"DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!"   
  
Akane sighed, and decided to take her time picking out his wardrobe for the day.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki watched Male-Ranma and Akane head on out to school, before heading to the kitchen where Shampoo was assisting Kasumi.   
  
"Good, they're gone, now we need to get down to business."   
  
"Nabiki! Shouldn't you be at school by now?" reprimanded Kasumi.   
  
"That can wait for a moment, we have a small problem we need to deal with first."   
  
"Which is?"   
  
Nabiki turned to Shampoo, who watched the two sisters curiously, "Shampoo-chan..."   
  
"You no call Shampoo little, Shampoo strong Amazon woman."   
  
"Whatever, you want to take both your airen and your servant back to China as soon as possible, correct?"   
  
Shampoo gave a look as if that was the most absurd question she had ever heard, "Is true."   
  
"Well, I'm afraid my little sister is rather attached to both of them," Nabiki stated with a smirk.   
  
"Then I kill Smart Girl sister. She obstacle, and obstacle is for removing."   
  
Nabiki slightly baulked at the idea of sanctioning her own sister, "NO! Er, no, that wouldn't help, but we do need a way of getting her out of the picture so she won't interfere."   
  
Shampoo got a dangerous glimmer in her eye, "Is no problem, Shampoo have idea."   
  
"Oh my, you're not going to cripple her, are you? Medical bills are so expensive nowadays," said Kasumi sweetly.   
  
"No hurts, but Akane no more importants."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma-sama, did anything about Shampoo strike you as weird?" Akane asked as she ran on the ground and Ranma ran on the fence to school.   
  
The pigtailed boy seemed to contemplate it for a bit, "Hmm, not really. She's violent, territorial, if she were a pervert I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you two."   
  
"Of course you would, her breasts are bigger and I bet her hair is naturally lavender. I don't think I've seen any roots..." Akane's mouth shut as she caught the barb. Without another word, she ran ahead of Ranma.   
  
"Hey, wait up!" exclaimed the pigtailed boy, and as he was about to catch up, Akane kicked the fence he was running on.   
  
"Ah, thanks Akane, I needed that," thanked the redhead as she climbed out of the canal.   
  
"Don't mention it, Ranma-sama," replied the shorthaired girl with a blush. Kind words from the redhead always did that to her.   
  
Akane turned to run as the Ranma-chan ran alongside her, "Can you help me out of these wet clothes?" Onna-Ranma asked suggestively.   
  
"I would love to, boy, would I love to, but we're already almost outta time as it is."   
  
"We'll just have to make time, Ono-chan's clinic is this way," the shorter girl supplied as she tugged Akane's arm in another direction.   
  
"Sheesh, 'Akane, are you trying to come on to Shampoo'?" the redhead said, mocking her male half, "I swear not only do I have a total lack of hormones when I'm a guy, I loose proper mental capacity to boot. Anyhow, what about Shampoo you were saying?"   
  
"Well, she took to the dominatrix thing pretty fast," commented Akane.   
  
"No shit, probably because she's already an overbearing bitch," growled the redhead, not happy about being tied up and no one taking advantage of it. Thankfully an earlier visit from Akane had cut her ardor in half.   
  
"But... well, I don't think she's 'experienced', if you know what I mean."   
  
Ranma stopped at that one, "You mean, totally unspoiled?"   
  
"She didn't even know why I wanted to... well... you know."   
  
"Akane, cut the bashful act," Ranma said with only a slight steel in her tone.   
  
"I don't think she comprehended I wanted to break her down like a rodeo bronco. I mean I gave her all the signals like you taught me. I was even pretty blatant about it at the end."   
  
Ranma-chan mused for a second, "Well, your seducing technique needs to be sharpened... speaking of broncos, when is our Sybian supposed to be arriving."   
  
"Mail order two days," replied Akane gleefully.   
  
"Sweet! We're almost to Tofu's," Both girls walked in for a quick change and a slightly longer greeting.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma..." Ryoga watched from a rooftop as his destined love walked into the clinic, "to you I am nothing but a rival, a sparring partner.   
  
"Psst, but you can take Ranma as a girl! Once you've gotten her away from those perverted Tendous and that Shampoo bitch, he'll be thankful," urged a small, dark voice from within.   
  
"I, I can't.." Ryoga replied, as his imagination went into play.   
  
"Ryoga, you sick pervert! How could you think I could like you that way!" the imaginary Ranma scolded Ryoga.   
  
"If he said that to me, my heart... WOULD SHATTER INTO A MILLION PIECES!" Ryoga cried out with all his might, feeling the depression settle upon him like the weight of the world, "This is goodbye, Ranma..."   
  
Ryoga turned to jump off the roof, as a purple haired figure caught his eye. Shampoo ran along the rooftops towards the clinic, obviously looking for Ranma and Akane.   
  
The fanged boy let out a growl of contempt, "There's that Amazon hussy, no doubt after Ranma again!" Ryoga made up his mind to intercept her, and show Shampoo that nobody does harm to Ranma but him. Unfortunately a ladle of water intercepted him first.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Both Ranma-chan and Akane left the clinic with extra wide smiles on their faces, a visit to their favorite doctor always did that for them. Dr. Tofu could always sweet be complying for them. Neither decided that rushing to school was worth it, now that they had a note from the doctor himself, and casually strode to Furinkan High.   
  
Suddenly Ranma's reflexes kicked in, causing the redhead girl to sweep Akane up and leap onto the fence, just prior to the thundering crash that was just to where they had been.   
  
"Darn, Shampoo miss!" exclaimed the Amazon as she jumped down from the roof and retrieved her thrown bonbori, "Shampoo challenge Akane!"   
  
Ranma-chan's eyes narrowed before replying, "Why are you challenging her?"   
  
"Shampoo servant have no say in this!" said the purple haired girl as she leapt onto the fence with them, Ranma set Akane down behind her, and stood between the two girls.   
  
"Akane will not be fighting you," Ranma-chan said in a seriousness she rarely displayed.   
  
"Hey! This is my challenge, you know!" shouted Akane indignantly, earning her an arctic glare from Onna-Ranma, which reminded Akane exactly why she was subservient to the redhead in the first place.   
  
"I will say this again, you will not..." Ranma was cut off as Shampoo casually cocked her arm back, and bopped Ranma-chan in the back of the head with her mace.   
  
Shampoo leapt down from the fence to catch an unconscious Ranma, "Shampoo no want damaged goods. So Akane meet Shampoo challenge?"   
  
"Oh, Ranma-sama, if I defeat her, she will have to meet our demands!" Akane thought to herself, "I'm sorry, but I have to do this."   
  
Akane looked at the purple haired girl with determination in her eyes, "Alright, I accept."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma-chan awoke to the proddings of a pig's snout, "Oh, man, a well endowed redhead is laying in the middle of the way, and no one even so much as molests me, what is this world coming to?" The girl then noted her 'pet' pig, "Huh, P-chan? Where's Akane?"   
  
P-chan growled, that perverted Tendou girl left his dear Ranma all alone and he's concerned for her! She doesn't deserve it since she's probably run off to frolic with that Chinese hussy. Ryoga turned his piggy head away and crossed his hooved arms, signaling that he wasn't gonna say anything.   
  
Onna-Ranma picked the pig up by his bandanna and looked it square in the eye. P-chan didn't like the way Ranma's eyes were glowing a vibrant red, "Akane... now..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
After heading in the opposite direction the pig pointed, Ranma came upon an unconscious Akane.   
  
"NO!" the redhead pleaded, "Akane, WAKE UP!"   
  
"Mm? Where am I?" Akane enquired as she sat up.   
  
Ranma-chan let out a sigh of relief, before her countenance changed, "How DARE you attempt to take on Shampoo against my wishes..."   
  
Akane quickly scooted back from the glowing redhead with flame colored irises, "AAAAAAHHHHH!!! A DEMON!!"   
  
"You're gonna wish I was as lenient as a demon when... huh?" Ranma-chan's aura winked out and her eyes returned to their usual blue hue, "something wrong with you, Akane?"   
  
"Huh? How do you know my name, who are you anyway?"   
  
"Whaddya mean, who am I?" enquired the redhead indignantly, "if this is some sorta joke, I ain't finding it funny."   
  
"Do I know you?"   
  
Ranma-chan's head dropped in exasperation, "I am *so* punishing you for this one."   
  
"Punish me? You're certainly impudent!" replied the shorthaired girl snidely.   
  
"Hmm, I get it, this is some sorta game," replied the other girl as she slowly slinked up to Akane, "Maybe I just have to remind you who I am?" With that Ranma grabbed Akane into a passionate kiss.   
  
Akane was far from amused as her fist shot out. The redhead slammed against the wall, leaving a spider web crack in her indenture, "You, you PERVERT!!! YOU LESBO FREAK!"   
  
Ranma shook the haze from her head as she looked up and saw the approaching and enraged girl. Ranma-chan was more than a little pissed off herself, and met the girl's charge. Fortunately for Akane, Ranma retained enough self-control to just keep Akane's attacks at bay and push her back.   
  
"She, she's good!" Akane thought as she redoubled her efforts to punish the girl before her. Ranma didn't care for physical confrontations in her girl form, so decided to end it by rolling by Akane's punch and with a series of pressure points that Tofu had once attempted to use on her. Akane's arm froze in place, taking her off-balance.   
  
"Now, we can think this out," stated Onna-Ranma in monotone, ignoring the glare that Akane was giving her, "I'm guessing Shampoo conked you on the head harder than it looks."   
  
Ranma went to examining for any lumps or such on Akane's head, and found none. Deciding that she wasn't much of a doctor anyhow, Ranma-chan gathered the Akane statue and took to the roofs.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Nihao!" Shampoo greeted as she walked into the Tendou household."   
  
"Why, hello Shampoo, welcome back," Kasumi cheerfully greeted, "you weren't gone long!"   
  
"Shampoo easy make Akane forget all about Male Ranma and Female Ranma! Shampoo now catch both husband and property and go back to village."   
  
"Well, that's good, are you going to get ready for work? Dr. Tofu should be expecting you soon."   
  
After giving Kasumi a cheerful nod, Shampoo ran towards the dojo where she was keeping her stuff. The eldest Tendou daughter went back to preparing lunch.   
  
"A boy and girl named Ranma?" Kasumi mused to herself, "I guess it's a last name. Male Ranma must be happy to be married to such a nice girl."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Tofu! We need to talk to you!" demanded Ranma-chan as she barged into the clinic. Tofu looked startled as he ushered his last customer for the morning out of his office, and with a resounding sigh, dropped his pants and bent over an examination table.   
  
"And to think, you were a virgin when we first met," said Ranma humorously. The display was enough to snap the raven-haired girl out of her paralysis, as she jerked out of Ranma's arms and backed into a corner, wide-eyed.   
  
"D-Doctor Tofu!" Akane didn't know what to think, her childhood crush was also a... pervert?   
  
"We don't have time for that, doc, something's wrong with Akane!"   
  
Tofu gave Ranma a flat look, "didn't we already play this game yesterday?"   
  
"What? NO! I mean something is REALLY wrong with Akane!" Ranma-chan pleaded.   
  
"*Sigh*, alright, my diagnosis is she needs an injection of male fluids, will you be my nurse for this operation?"   
  
Ranma took a deep breath and sighed.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"It could be the legendary Shiatsu martial art technique; XI FA XIANG GAO!" a pantless Tofu exclaimed.   
  
"Huh? Wuzzat?"   
  
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Panda-chan's sign read. Upon spying the redhead, Genma turned and attempted to leave.   
  
"You're not going anywhere, Panda-chan," stated Onna-Ranma firmly as she landed in front of the animal, "you obviously know something, so spill."   
  
"Even now as I..." the panda didn't get to finish its sign as a kettle filled which hot water was hurled at him and connected heartily.   
  
"Human first, dickless."   
  
"Even now as I recall it, I can only gasp in disbelief," restarted Genma, "Once Shampoo captured Akane's back, her movements can only be called superhuman! And it all took only FIFTY TWO SECONDS!"   
  
"That, that's incredible!" Tofu stated in awe.   
  
"I'll say, just think what she can do with those hands!" Ranma cheerfully thought, before remembering the seriousness of the situation.   
  
Akane threw a baleful look at the redhead before adding her own comment, "No wonder I feel so refreshed."   
  
"Xi fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu combines the use of a Chinese herbal shampoo and the pressing of certain points on the skull, to manipulate memory."   
  
"So that's why you forgot m..."   
  
"Do I know you?" Akane cut the girl off, much to the redhead annoyance.   
  
"Fix it, now," Ranma stated in a way that brooked no argument.   
  
"I, I can't, not unless I get that shampoo."   
  
"Then we'll be back later," with that, Ranma grabbed Akane again and rushed out the front door, just barely missing Shampoo come in the back way.   
  
"Uh, why doctor no have pants?" 


	11. Shampoo 911

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho   
  
  
"I'm home," announced Nabiki as she took her shoes off."   
  
"Welcome home, Nabiki, have you seen Akane anywhere?" enquired Kasumi as she looked out from the kitchen.   
  
"Nope, not since she left for school this morning."   
  
"Oh, I hope she isn't late for dinner, I was making her favorite."   
  
"Huh? How come?"   
  
Kasumi was about to answer, but paused, "Um, I dunno, I feel guilty for some reason."   
  
"SHAMPOO, GET OUT HERE NOW!!!" A furious redhead carrying a thoroughly panicked Akane flew through the door.   
  
"Uh, can I help you?" asked Nabiki, not amused that a stranger burst through their house unannounced carrying her younger sister.   
  
Ranma-chan turned a cold glare back at the girl, "Where is the Chinese bitch?"   
  
Nabiki looked unconcerned about the look the pigtailed girl was giving her as she turned to her trembling sister, "You know, Akane, your guest shouldn't be insulting our other guests."   
  
Akane roughly pulled herself away from the redhead that had just taken her through the scenic route of Nerima, "I don't even KNOW this pervert! First she kisses me and then kidnaps me..."   
  
Nabiki blinked, and then turned back to the redhead, "You know, Akane, it was cute at first, but aren't you taking this 'I hate boys' thing a little too far?"   
  
Nabiki's youngest sister was scandalized, "NABIKI! I'm not LIKE THAT!"   
  
"Don't worry, sis, I'll support you with whatever makes you happy, but I'll charge you for peeks," Nabiki smirked at her sister's reddening complexion.   
  
"Don't blame me! Blame this hussy! She even made Tofu pull down his pants!"   
  
"You GO girl!" was Nabiki's comment to that, "I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have minded a little piece of that, would you, little sis?"   
  
"Um, excuse me," interrupted Ranma-chan casually, causing both girls to pause in their intimate sibling moment.   
  
"Who are you anyway?" Akane asked.   
  
"I told you already," grumbled the redhead.   
  
"I woulda remembered it if you had!" the raven-haired girl argued back.   
  
"What's all the commotion here," asked Soun as he walked by, and started to visibly sweat, "Oh, um, welcome back, Ranma. Oh dear, I think it's time for my evening constitution," Soun was already out the gate before the trio of girls could comprehend what happened.   
  
"Hmm, daddy seems to know you, though I've never seen him so scared before," Nabiki shrugged, "staying for dinner?"   
  
"Come to think of it, I am a bit... peckish," Ranma-chan said in a lewd fashion.   
  
Nabiki's eyebrow rose at that, "I don't come cheap."   
  
"Heh, I know. I had to work at it before," quipped the redhead. That managed to fluster even Nabiki.   
  
"What's THAT supposed to mean?"   
  
"STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SISTER THAT WAY, YOU PERV!" Akane's temper got the best of her as she went for the smaller girl's jugular, only to have her pinned by the stomach to the wall.   
  
"Calm down, or I'll have to spank you," Onna-Ranma stated, assuredly not meaning her comment in any sensual fashion, "*Sigh*, all that conditioning down the drain."   
  
Kasumi interposed with her calming presence before anything got out of hand, "Hello, it's not often Akane brings over her friends..."   
  
"This pervert is NOT my friend!"   
  
"Are you staying for dinner? We have more than enough."   
  
Ranma stopped as she realized both Nabiki and Kasumi were acting like they didn't know her, immediately darkening her mood, "No thanks, I have to meet someone," Ranma walked back outside without another word.   
  
"What a peculiar girl," stated Kasumi, earning nods of agreement from her two sisters.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"SHAMPOO! Come out here RIGHT NOW!" Ranma leapt from rooftop to rooftop, looking for her adversary. The redhead didn't have long to wait, as she felt a presence descend upon her.   
  
Ranma lashed out with a back kick that caught her opponent in the gut. Shampoo exhaled and rolled away from the blow. The Amazon had both her maces ready as soon as she recovered, "So, you no run no more."   
  
"I'm only going to ask this once, gently, give me the shampoo," Ranma-chan asked with a deadly calm.   
  
"Shampoo give you plenty when you back in village with me and husband," remarked Shampoo, "After Shampoo shampoo you, Shampoo think she leave Girl type Ranma hair not tied. Think look better that way."   
  
Ranma growled and rushed the girl, "Like HELL you will." Shampoo was prepared for the physical confrontation, though she hadn't realized exactly how good her future slave was.   
  
"She's good, she'll make a great prize as my slave, and a great addition to the tribe," Shampoo thought to herself as she parried the other's attacks, waiting for an opening.   
  
"Dammit, why am I holding back?" Ranma-chan was thinking to herself, as ticked as she felt at the moment, she shoulda ripped the other girl a new one and shoved something unpleasant into the orifice by now. At least she was steadily wearing the girl's defenses down.   
  
Finally Ranma surprised Shampoo with a shin kick just above the Amazon's supporting leg, causing her to buckle. The redhead then followed up with a side punch and a gut punch, topping the combination off with a jackknife kick. As Shampoo flew backwards, a white bottle caught the redhead's eye.   
  
"Formula 411..." Ranma-chan mumbled to herself, then took off back towards the Tendou household. Shampoo caught herself before she tumbled off the roof, and as she flipped back up, she cursed herself, as her query was no longer in sight.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga recovered, noticing he was still a pig, and it was now in the middle of the night. The pig thought back to the events that led him to this point, "Ranma's eyes, they were, were glowing," Ryoga had noted, "and they seemed so, harsh. No way could that be MY Ranma!"   
  
Ryoga came to another realization about his once time most bitter rival, "DON'T WORRY RANMA! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THAT DEMON THAT POSSESSES YOU!" The curse had to be a demon that was trying to take over his intended significant other. Maybe if he killed Ranma's girl half...   
  
The piggy chuckled as it wandered aimlessly until it was in what looked like a bath. Thanking the deities for his good fortune, Ryoga hopped into the seaming furo, and emerged a man.   
  
"YES!! I...." Ryoga paused when he felt another presence near him. Slowly turning around, a naked Ryoga met with a naked brunette that was staring blankly back at him. Suddenly the confusion seemed to leave the other girl's eyes.   
  
"You, YOU PERVERTED JACKASS! HOW DARE YOU PEEP ON ME?"   
  
"Huh? Wha? No! I'm not, I mean, that is, I'm not interested in seeing naked girls!"   
  
The other girl almost pouted that the guy wasn't in there to see her body, but then realized something else, "Heyyyyy, you were in here looking for a GUY, weren't you?"   
  
"Uh, yeah. Maybe you know him? His name is...."   
  
Ryoga failed to finish his question as a wide, flat, flash of steel obscured his vision.   
  
The other girl looked towards the man shaped hole in her ceiling as she wrapped herself in a towel since she was no longer in the mood for a bath. She was told Nerima was a place filled with perverts. Unfortunately it was too late to back out now, luckily for her she wouldn't have to deal with it too much until she moved the rest of her stuff over from Osaka.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane opened the door to the furo and unceremoniously dropped herself on the washing stool, "Who was that weird girl anyhow? And how does Dad know her?" Akane's nose crinkled a bit, "and why do I feel so... weird when around her?"   
  
Akane started to scrub herself as she felt a presence "Huh? Who's there?" Akane stood up from her contemplation as she scanned the room, "Nabiki, Kasumi? Is that you?"   
  
When no answer was forthcoming, Akane sat back down into the seat, and froze when she found herself sitting in someone's lap instead of a stool.   
  
"Hold still Akane, while I shampoo your hair," cooed a naked Onna-Ranma as she ran her lathered hands through the other girl's short hair.   
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Akane quickly stumbled to the furo, grabbing a hold of the wall, and ripped off a good hearty chunk. Nabiki and Kasumi both arrived to find out what the commotion was all about.   
  
"You realize, that's coming out of your allowance," quipped Nabiki dryly.   
  
"Akane, now you've got soap all in the furo," Kasumi admonished.   
  
"It's not my fault! That redheaded pervert tried to grope me while I was washing up!"   
  
Kasumi blushed deeply and turned away, " Akane, you really shouldn't be doing such things until your... oh dear, I mean, oh my."   
  
Ranma slowly recovered as she shifted the rubble a bit and stood up from the bath, any comment she was about to make was cut off.   
  
"Shampoo no work."   
  
Ranma hissed as she turned around to meet Shampoo's smug countenance, "What are you doing here?"   
  
"Unlike YOU, she is a guest," shouted Akane, wielding her stool in defense, heedless of her nude appearance.   
  
"This here shampoo for restoring memory," the Amazon displayed a bottle of 911 formula shampoo between her hands.   
  
"Give it to me now," Ranma's hands were flexing and unflexing in anticipation of doing less than gentle things.   
  
"Slave no make demands, you come with Shampoo now," Shampoo was back to her normal bubbly self, since she new she had the other girl by the short and pubics.   
  
The three Tendou sisters looked at each other, "Slave?"   
  
"You have until the count of three to give me that bottle, or else..."   
  
Shampoo was not impressed by the demands, but she was rather awed by the aura that was slowly growing with each count...   
  
"One..." Ranma-chan stepped forth, "two..."   
  
Shampoo was three rooftops away by the count of three. Ranma cursed herself as she stepped to start after her, and then realized that the Amazon was more than likely leading her into a trap. Swallowing a bit of her pride, Ranma-chan dunked herself in the furo water and emerged a determined guy.   
  
"Did, did she just changed to a guy?" the youngest Tendou Daughter asked incredulously.   
  
Nabiki craned her neck, "Oh, yeah, he's defiantly a man, whatta man at that."   
  
Ranma dashed for the window and leapt, only to catch himself before he exited at Kasumi's comment, "Oh dear, you'll catch cold if you go outside like that.   
  
"Huh?" Ranma turned around to see Kasumi with her back turned, though from what he can see from her neck, she was beet red, Nabiki openly leering at him, and Akane doing option C.   
  
"Youuuuuuu, PERVERT!!!!!" Akane booted the naked Otoku-Ranma out the window, giving him the flight advantage over Shampoo.   
  
"Well, Akane, you certainly find some interesting friends," commented Nabiki as she fanned herself.   
  
"THAT PERVERTED, SEX-CHANGING FREAK IS NOT MY FRIEND!!!!!" Akane's shout was punctuated by a body landing through the bathroom wall and into the furo.   
  
"It's not my fault!" weakly defended Ryoga as he slumped onto the tub.   
  
"Ra-Ryoga, what happened?" Asked Akane as she went to check up on the boy, carefully avoiding looking at the other's unmentionables, "did that perverted girl that turns into a guy do this to you?"   
  
"Uh, that perverted girl that turns into a guy just left, how could he had done this to Ryoga?" enquired Nabiki, interested in how her little sister came into this line of logic.   
  
"WHAT? Where am I?" Ryoga took in his surroundings and noticed the three girls, "The Tendous... that means..."   
  
"Quick! Where's Ranma?" Ryoga grabbed Akane by the arms in desperation.   
  
"Ow, you're kind of hurting me," Akane pleaded as she tried to strain against his grip.   
  
"Who's this Ranma character anyway?" Nabiki asked slightly annoyed.   
  
"Ranma? You know, pigtail, sometimes a cute guy, sometimes a redhead," Ryoga supplied helpfully.   
  
"Oh, that way," Nabiki pointed to the hallway.   
  
"Thanks, HERE I COME RANMA! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR CURSE!!!" Ryoga ran directly through the window and out into the night.   
  
"He's going to catch his death of pneumonia," stated Kasumi with her displeased voice.   
  
"Well, this Ranma guy was defiantly the better man, if you know what I mean," Nabiki idly commented, then turned to her younger sister, "Now that one is defiantly one of your friends." Akane looked properly abashed.   
  
"So many people dropping by these days," cheerfully commented Kasumi.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma landed on his feet running. Ranma didn't have to run far as he was forced to dodge a bonbori swipe from behind a chimney.   
  
"Airen, what you do out here butt-naked," Shampoo asked confused, "Here, put on clothes before husband catch cold."   
  
Ranma gratefully accepted the clothing that Shampoo had pulled from her cleavage and handed to him, "Er, thanks... hold on, what are you doing with my clothes?"   
  
"Er, Shampoo pack for you go back to China?" the Amazon said coyly as she twisted her toe on a roof tile.   
  
"Uh, sure, whatever. Shampoo, I need that shampoo from you."   
  
"Boy-type Ranma want 911 shampoo for?"   
  
"I just need it, okay?" Ranma was starting to get a bit nervous, hopefully she won't figure out his curse just now.   
  
The purple haired girl shrugged before replying, "Is okay, on one promise to Shampoo."   
  
"Yeah, sure, sure, just don't ask me to be going back to China or anything like that, alright?"   
  
"Okay, you TAME Girl type Ranma, and bring to Shampoo!"   
  
"Say that again?" Shampoo apparently asked for the impossible.   
  
"You make Girl type Ranma sub-, sub-, obe-, um, listen always Shampoo, you get shampoo, is deal?"   
  
"Uh, I guess I can try," commented Ranma, maybe he could act like he was listening to the girl, it would be the same difference.   
  
"RANMA!!!!"   
  
"Oh, not now..." Ranma groaned as he turned around to see Ryoga... holding a pail of water.   
  
"OH SHIII....." Ranma didn't even get to finish his exclamation as he was forced to dodge out of the way of the oncoming wav, "Ryoga, what the hell are you doing?"   
  
"HOLD STILL RANMA WHILE I EXCORSIZE YOUR DEMONS!" commanded Ryoga as he presented another pail of water from nowhere.   
  
Shampoo stood dripping wet and blinking in confusion as some naked boy chased her husband around trying to drench him.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki stole into her room after leaving the bathroom and opened one of her locked drawers of her desk. Something had been nagging at her about this Ranma kid, and the weird thing is, her instincts told her to come to her 'security' drawer. Nabiki blinked at the envelope she pulled out, opened it, and began to read the letter that was in her own handwriting.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"HOLD STILL WHILE I BEAT THE EVILNESS FROM YOU, RANMA!" Ryoga was frantically trying to hit the redhead.   
  
Ranma precariously dodged and weaved through the other boy's attacks, "Now what's wrong with you, P-chan?"   
  
"DON'T CALL ME P-CHAN!" the Lost boy's fist went right through the part of the roof Ranma had been standing on. The pigtailed girl had back flipped out of the way, only to slip on a loose piece of shingle.   
  
"This is the end, demoness!" Ryoga proclaimed as he leapt forth with an obviously devastating haymaker punch. Ranma-chan sighed; at least she was getting a nice show before she died.   
  
Ryoga's fist stopped just an inch from Onna- Ranma's nose, as the redhead stared incredulously at the bonbori sticking out the side of his head.   
  
"You no hurts merchandise!" Shampoo stated as she calmly walked up to the frozen boy and plucked her bonbori from his head, "Girl-type Ranma, you now come with me so we go find aire..." Shampoo was staring at the backside of the redhead from a distance.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hotwaterhotwaterhotwater," Ranma-chan's plea was granted as she landed on the porch of a gentleman having tea out on the nice night. Onna-Ranma stopped to leer at the topless man, before acquiring his kettle and jumping the balcony. Ducking behind an alley, Ranma changed to his rightful gender.   
  
"Okay, now back to Shamp..."   
  
"How you do that?"   
  
Ranma cringed at the voice, "Ah, hi, Shampoo. Um, what did you see?"   
  
"I see Girl-type change to airen."   
  
Ranma tensed and was about to leap away almost before Shampoo asked again, "How you do that?"   
  
"Um, it's sorta a curse," wearily commented the pigtailed boy.   
  
"Hmm, Airen is both girl and boy type?"   
  
"Er, yeah, that's about the sound of it," Ranma confirmed meekly.   
  
"Shampoo confused what do now?"   
  
Ranma readied himself to book before Shampoo came to an idea, he fortunately came too late, "Here 911 shampoo, Shampoo go back and ask great grandmother what she do now. Bai bai!" Shampoo jumped back to the rooftops.   
  
Ranma blinked as he watched the girl depart, "Well, that was anti-climatic." Ranma was once again caught unawares by Ryoga and a pail of water...   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki sighed as she entered back into her room for the night, ready to turn in. For some reason she felt so wired and never so turned on before; Nabiki smiled a that, at least she had prime masturbation material for the night was her thought as she climbed into bed.   
  
"Don't worry about sleeping just yet..."   
  
Nabiki quickly turned on the light by her bed, to see that redhead that turned into a guy sitting at her desk, "what are you doing in here?"   
  
Ranma gave the middle Tendou daughter an icy smirk, "For some reason, I had a gut feeling you had something to do with Akane and you guys forgetting about me."   
  
"What are you talking about? Who ARE you anyway?" Nabiki demanded, barely hiding the nervousness in her voice.   
  
Ranma-chan held up a letter, "I thought you would be smart enough not to leave evidence around like this!"   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Weird thing is, I didn't even need this shampoo for Akane," Ranma idly commented as she tossed the bottle over her shoulder, "It just took a bit to remind her about me."   
  
"Wha-what do you want?" Nabiki asked, now not able to entirely hide the shuddering in her voice.   
  
"I want..." Ranma seemed to pause for a bit, "I want you to repent in your ways, that's what I think I want. Up for a little exercise?"   
  
"First she kisses me, then she kidnaps me!" Nabiki recalled her sister saying, her eyes suddenly going wide at what the other girl in her room was implying, "I'll, I'll scream rape!"   
  
"Funny, that's exactly what your sister said... twice," Onna-Ranma gained a very cruel smirk on her face as she pulled a rather thick cylindrical device from behind her back, and turned the knob at the end up to 'Bitch Tamer'.   
  
Neighbors wondered who the hell was running their chainsaw at this time a night...   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Well, that takes care of the two younger sisters," stated Ranma-chan cheerfully the next morning as she popped the VHS tape 'Grave of the Fireflies' into the VCR, and hid behind the couch with a box of tissues, "Kasumi should be taking her break any moment now..." 


	12. Lil' Suzy

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
"EEEK!!!! FLASHER!"   
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!"   
  
"Gee, isn't that kinda... you know?"   
  
"Quit pointing that thing at me or I'll cut it off!"   
  
Mr. Toriyama gleefully pranced in his trench coat, showing his earthly valuables to all the fortunate women. He loved exhibiting his body to all, so he had a few luv handles and a weird shaped paunch. Okay his chest sagged to where he looked like a topless aboriginal female, but it was the thought that counts. The flasher skipped along, looking for his next target, when he spotted her.   
  
"Hey little girl, want some candy?" the man asked, holding the sides of his coat in ready position. The little girl with pigtails, who was dressed up in a sickeningly cute white laced blue dress with pink bows in her hair and licking a rainbow swirly lollipop. The girl shook her head and gestured her treat towards Mr. Toriyama.   
  
"Well, let me open my coat and I'll give you a surprise anyhow."   
  
"Are you a pervert?" the little girl asked, causing the man to pause.   
  
"Why, yes I am." the girl blinked innocently in response.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Another tissue, Ranma-sama?" Akane asked as she handed the box again to the redhead, "You're not making any progress, you know?"   
  
"I was *so* close this time!" Ranma's eyes cleared up in determination, "I will take her YET!"   
  
"Need any help?" Akane asked hopefully.   
  
Ranma-chan paused, "I thought...."   
  
"'Incest is okay as long as you don't procreate', didn't you say that, Ranma-sama?"   
  
Onna-Ranma took another tissue, "I'm... *sob*... so proud of you! We'll just wait until lunchtime. While we're waiting, let's to wake Nabiki up now, I got something neat to show you. Akane happily followed the redhead up the stairs, just missing the morning news report.   
  
"On this morning's news, local man was found naked wearing only a trench coat, having been sodomized with a large sucker. Authorities..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hey, Nabiki, wake up," Ranma whispered to the sleeping girl, earning a grumble and a fidget from the middle Tendou sister. Ranma turned to Akane and smirked at her puzzled expression, then turned back to Nabiki and pursed her lips together, tucking her bottom lip against her top teeth...   
  
"Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv...."   
  
Nabiki's eyes shot open wide as her back arched tightly, bucking her hips wildly. Ranma's humming was cut off by Nabiki's loud moan as she slumped back onto bed.   
  
"I'm going to *kill* you," Nabiki said through pants as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, glaring at the highly grinning redhead.   
  
"What, what was that?" Akane asked in awe.   
  
"Conditioned reflex," replied Ranma-chan smugly, "wanna try?"   
  
Nabiki shook her head frantically as Akane tucked her bottom lip under her top teeth...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"I'LL FIND YOU YET, RANMA!" yelled the naked boy to the heavens. Ryoga kept looking for the Tendou Dojo so that he may either find Ranma, or at least a set of cloths he left there.   
  
"Are you a pervert?" Asked a sickeningly cutesy dressed ten-year-old girl with peach blond hair.   
  
Ryoga turned quickly to the girl who asked the question, "Wha? No! Of course not!"   
  
The girl frowned slightly and took another lick of her large sucker, "Then why aren't you wearing any clothes?"   
  
Ryoga looked down and eeped, quickly covering himself. The weather was just so nice that he hadn't realized he wasn't publicly fit, "Uh, you see, it's, uh, hahahahahahaaa." Ryoga reached up to scratch the back of his head nervously, then eeped again as he quickly moved his hand back to cover himself.   
  
"You are naked! That's perverted! And Mommy and Daddy agree with me!"   
  
"Well, I'm sure your Mommy and Daddy are right about that, but I'm not a pervert," Ryoga defended adamantly.   
  
"Mommy and Daddy say you are!"   
  
"Oh?" Ryoga looked around for the girl's parents nervously, being naked with a little girl wouldn't look good for him at all, "Wha-where are they?"   
  
The little girl giggled, and drew two Ingram Mac-11s from behind her. Before she leveled them at the Lost boy, Ryoga caught the red inscription on each one; 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'....   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane help her bowlegged sister down the stairs. Nabiki glared darkly at her younger sibling as she begrudeonly accepted the help, the baritone Akane brought out was going just a bit too far, as she was concerned.   
  
"Wasn't that a pleasant way to start the morning, Nabiki?" Ranma-chan asked cheerfully.   
  
"Do you *know* how long it took me to stop leaking, you damn bitch?" growled Nabiki as she was slowly lowered onto the couch, then grimaced at the wet spot forming under her.   
  
"From the way you're squirming, you haven't yet," Ranma stated casually, "Kasumi, is lunch ready yet?"   
  
"Setting the table right now, um, Akane's friend," Kasumi's voice shouted from the kitchen, "It was so nice of you to sit and watch that movie with me, it was just so depressing."   
  
Nabiki smiled as Ranma's face darkened, "Fumbled the ball again, huh, 'Ranma-kun'?"   
  
Ranma took a deep breath, and then pulled out her trusty harmonica...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The noontime crowd parted for the streaking young man, then dove for cover from the little semi-automatic little girl, "HOLD STILL YOU PERVERT! YOU'RE MAKING ME WASTE AMMO!!!!"   
  
Ryoga yipped as he dodged and wove between the bullets, thinking any deity that would listen to him for giving the girl poor aim. Fortunately for Ryoga, a police officer was brave (read; incredibly stupid) to grab the girl from behind.   
  
"Lemme go! LEMME GO! I'm playing with my big brother!" the cutesy girl shouted as she struggled within the officer's arms.   
  
"You call shooting your brother with illegal firearms PLAYING?!?" The officer asked incredulously, "Little girl, I don't know where you got those dangerous things, but..."   
  
The girl giggled, cutting him off, "They're not real, silly, see?" she managed to bring one arm free and point one of the macs at the officer's face, causing him to freeze in terror. He shut his eyes at the loud bang sound, then opened his eyes when he felt water on his face, he coulda sworn that those things were causing bullet holes earlier.   
  
"Er, um, okay then, run along with your brother then," replied the officer, slightly shell shocked and more than a little embarrassed. As the policeman stumbled away awkwardly, the little girl looked for signs of where her prey went.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oooh, that was delicious!" Akane happily stated as she wiped her mouth, "Need help with the dishes, Kasumi?"   
  
"I would appreciate that, Akane, please take the dishes on the table into the kitchen for me."   
  
Akane's cheerful smile was replaced with a devious one. The change didn't go unnoticed, "Got something in mind, Akane?"   
  
"Ranma, I'm just going to go be helpful to my oldest sister. Don't YOU want to be helpful too?"   
  
Ranma's smile joined hers, "Good thinking, you can block the door while I help her with stress relief."   
  
"Yeah," Akane stated wistfully, "big sis does need it, though she tries to act oblivious."   
  
"Well in a few minutes, that's about to..." Ranma paused at the rapid drumming sound, "did you hear gunfire?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ryoga stood panting against a wall, praying that he finally lost that psycho little girl. The Lost boy whimpered at the familiar sound of a spent magazine hitting the ground, and the following reload.   
  
"Okay, Mr. Pervert, "the girl said cutely as she aimed one of the dual ingrams at Ryoga's forehead, "If you stop running, I won't shoot you."   
  
Ryoga let out a sigh of extreme relief that made the girl frown a bit, "You, you won't?"   
  
"Nu-uh!" The girl put her guns back behind her, "Can we play 'doctor', Mr. Pervert Sir?"   
  
Ryoga, in his blissful relief replied, "Su-sure, that sounds safe..."   
  
"Oh, goody! Now if you'll just lay down and spread your legs..." The girl whipped out a chainsaw from behind her and revved it up, and continued in a mannish voice, "THIS WON'T HURT A BIT!!!!"   
  
Ryoga in turn let out a girlish scream and jumped back, just inches from changing genders without the aid of a curse.   
  
"Can you like, leave that attached to him, I'm gonna need that later," asked a voice from on top of the wall behind him.   
  
"Hey, P-chan," greeted Akane from the entryway.   
  
"Don't... call me 'P-chan'," whimpered Ryoga as he was curled up in a fetal position. The little girl quickly put the chainsaw behind her back, and put on her all sweets and smiles look, "I was just playing with my big brother!"   
  
"Aww, how cute!" exclaimed Akane.   
  
"Ryoga, I didn't know you had a younger sister," thought the redhead, contemplating the little girl.   
  
"I NEVER SEEN THIS PSYCHO FREAK IN MY LIFE! SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!"   
  
The little girl started to whimper, shedding tears, "Mu-my brother doesn't love me!" with that, she burst into tears.   
  
"Ryoga, how can you be so heartless to your own sister? She's probably not seen you for a long time!" Akane admonished.   
  
"There, there little girl," Ranma-chan went and attempted to comfort the young girl with a hug, "We'll make you feel better. What's your name?"   
  
Ranma didn't note the growl the little girl gave as the redhead's hands wandered, "Su-Suzy." The little girl suddenly pushed Ranma-chan away and looked at her curiously, "Are you a pervert?"   
  
"Why, that's a very good question, little girl!" Ranma replied, "Why don't you come up to my room and I can tell you there."   
  
Akane looked sideways at Ranma, "Ranma-sama, she can only be eight or nine!"   
  
"I'm Ten and a half," replied the little girl curtly.   
  
"And what better time to break them in when they're young!" Onna-Ranma said with a smile.   
  
"Um, Ms. Pervert, is that a long phallic thingy on the ground there?" The little girl asked as she pointed behind the Redhead.   
  
"Where? WHERE?"   
  
Ranma hopped away a distance, "Huh? This is just a garden hose," Ranma-chan turned around to see Akane and Ryoga looking incredulously at the little girl laying flat on her stomach, outstretched hands still clutching the handle of a butcher knife embedded halfway into the concrete.   
  
"Uh, a silly person left their knife stuck in here!" replied the girl sheepishly.   
  
"Uh, Ranma..." Akane attempted to intervene.   
  
"Are you okay, Suzy? We wouldn't want you to scrape those pretty little legs of yours!"   
  
The girl put on a fake display of tears, "Mu, my knee hurts!"   
  
"Aww, well come on in and I'll kiss it all better," the pigtailed girl stated as she took the young girl by the arm gently and led her inside the gate. The girl trailed slightly behind Ranma-chan.   
  
"Huh?" Ranma let go of the girl's arm, and as soon as she did so, Suzy's arm hand went behind her back.   
  
"I guess I did leave a vibrator out here," the redhead bent down to pick it up, just in time to miss the swing of a sledgehammer head miss connecting with her own, "I gotta be more careful." Ranma turned back and smiled at the little girl, who was fidgeting cutely with her hands behind her back, "Ready to go?"   
  
As Ranma lead the girl inside, Akane and Ryoga looked at each other incredulously.   
  
"So, Ryoga, why are you still naked?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Miss Pervert? What are we gonna do?"   
  
"Well, we're gonna make your boo boos feel all better," Ranma wasn't referring to the little girl's injuries.   
  
"Oh, who's your little friend?" Asked Kasumi as she met them in the hallway.   
  
"Her name is Suzy, isn't she just the most adorable little thing?" Ranma asked, turning her back to the little girl as she conversed with Kasumi. While the attention was off her, Suzy pulled out a wire, and leapt, looping the wire over the pigtailed girl's head.   
  
"Well, she hurt herself and I better make her feel all better now," Ranma turned back around, right into the little girl's arms, and just in time for her lips to meet with the jumping girl's.   
  
"Oh my, she seems grateful," commented Kasumi cheerfully. Ranma smiled in triumph as she attempted to slide her tongue into the mix while tightly grabbing a hold of the little girl.   
  
Suzy's eyes went wide in utter horror, and struggled in panic to free herself. Ranma wouldn't have any of that, as she held on tightly and ran with the girl upstairs.   
  
"Kasumi, is Ranma-sama already in her room?"   
  
"'Ranma-sama'?" repeated Kasumi curiously, "It's nice you show her so much respect. Is she your class president?"   
  
Akane looked away at an interesting spot on the ceiling.   
  
"Your friend is upstairs with that little girl she brought in..." Kasumi paused and waited from the shaking that accompanied the loud boom to die down, "Oh dear, I hope they're not playing too rough!"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Suzy stood in front of the hole, still braced with her M1 launcher. The little girl's aura was flaring a vibrant, yet menacing looking, pink as she put the grenade launcher behind her back and pulled out dual Bren Tens compacts. The little girl jumped out the hole and landed in the yard, scanning for a charred redhead.   
  
"Come out, Miss Pervert! We aren't playing Hide and Seek!" She yelled in a cutesy voice, "COME OUT BEFORE I NUKE THE WHOLE DAMN YARD!!!" She then said in a not so cutesy voice.   
  
Catching movement out the corner of her eye, Suzy uploaded both clips into a bush. Ranma shrieked as she jumped into a tree, then onto the Dojo roof to get away, and was both dismayed and surprised as the little girl effortlessly leapt onto the roof in pursuit.   
  
"GET BACK HERE YOU PERVERT!" Screamed the girl in a gruff voice, "Miss Pervert, you're running too fast for my little legs, wait for me!"   
  
Ranma wasn't buying the cute act this time, as she ran at full tilt, zigzagging so the little girl couldn't draw a bead on her. Fortunately, Ranma's sense of danger had warned her before decorating the guest room red, now the problem was shaking the little psycho.   
  
Suzy pulled out a concussive grenade and threw it in Ranma-chan's general direction. The redhead caught the force of the blast and was thrown from the rooftops to the ground. The little girl landed by the dazed pigtailed girl, and brought a desert eagle right to Ranma's nose.   
  
"Youuuu," the girl started in a growl, "kissed... me."   
  
"Er, would it help if I said I was sorry?"   
  
The little girl's finger tensed against the trigger...   
  
"RANMA!" The little girl gasped as the hot water hit her back, fortunately for the once redhead causing her to release the trigger and turn around. Akane stood with a kettle of water she had just flung out over the two, earning an annoyed but cute look from the little girl.   
  
Suzy turned back, and screamed in frustration, as her target was gone.   
  
"This is all YOUR fault Miss Pervert is gone!" the little girl stomped her foot in temper tantrum."   
  
"I saw her go that way!" Akane said helpfully, pointing back towards the rooftops.   
  
"I'm tired of chasing her, she runs too fast," said the little girl in a whine. Suddenly, the little girl cheered up "Will you help me get her?"   
  
"Uuuuhhh," Akane tried to reply, and found her choice easier to make instantly.   
  
"Pretty pleeeeeeeesssssssseeeee?" the little girl pleaded, with tears in her eyes, and a gun barrel leveled at Akane's brow.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Otoku-Ranma came back later that night, after making sure the coast was clear, "Man, what a crazy little girl!"   
  
"Oh, hello! Come on in!" Greeted Kasumi as she met the pigtailed boy at the door, "are you a friend of Akane's or Nabiki's?"   
  
"Uh, I... kinda live here."   
  
"Oh, that's nice then, dinner will be ready in an hour," Kasumi replied, and then walked back into the kitchen. Ranma ignored Nabiki's loatheful glare, as he started to walk upstairs.   
  
"A package arrived for you, Ranma."   
  
"Wha, something for me?"   
  
"Oh, so that's Ranma?" asked Kasumi from the kitchen.   
  
"Instructions said that you needed to take this to an open area, away from other people sometime before nine tonight, or before the ticking stopped, whichever came first, and read the letter supplied inside it," Nabiki was brilliantly smiling inside as she recited what the little girl told her to repeat. Nabiki even made a nice little sum from being the middleman.   
  
"Hmm, okay. I'll just take this to the vacant lot after dinner then, replied Ranma.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
At 9:04 PM, Ranma moaned, then pulled himself out of a charred crater with determination on his face, "Don't worry, Akane. I'm coming." 


	13. Lil' Suzy's Guantlet

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
  
"Daddy, can you tone down the theatrics a bit," commented a slightly annoyed Nabiki as she shielded herself with her breakfast plate.   
  
"Oh Nabiki! How can you be so callous! Your sister has been kidnapped!" Soun's wails grew even louder.   
  
"Well, it's all Ranma's fault. All he has to do, the female Ranma by the way, is meet this girl's challenge later on tonight." Nabiki said out loud, "And when you show up you're as good as out of our lives," she thought in private.   
  
"Don't worry, Mr. Tendou. I'll get your daughter back. Besides, it's my duty as the heir to the Saotome School to answer any challenge, even from a nine year old brat."   
  
"Ten," corrected Nabiki.   
  
"Whatever."   
  
"Oh my, you're going to rescue Akane-chan?" asked Kasumi, "That's so kind of you.... um, what was your name again?"   
  
Ranma cursed himself for the umpteenth time for his female half tossing away the shampoo, in case her male half got any ideas. Kasumi would be much easier to take if she didn't have any prior knowledge of what had been attempted before.   
  
"I'm counting on you, son. The fate of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is at stake!"   
  
"Gworf!" added the panda.   
  
"Geez, she may have caught me by surprise with all that heavy artillery before, but now I'm onto her she ain't gonna be that much a problem.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Suzy climbed out of the pit and removed the gloves she was using to coat the punji spikes with human excrement, "Miss Pervert better show up or I'll be vewy mad!" the girl stated sullenly.   
  
"Don't worry, Ranma'll show up! I just know it!" Stated Akane defiantly, while bound and swinging over a circle of 'Bouncing Betty' mines.   
  
The little girl dug another small hole and placed a bamboo tube with a small nail stuck at the bottom of it, then carefully slipped a 12.7 mm machinegun bullet into the tube, the bullet primer resting gently on the nail and the tip of the bullet just sticking out of the tube and the ground, "Oooh! You're in love with Miss Pervert! Haa ha-ha ha-haaa haa! Akane and Miss Pervert sitting in a tree, D-E-C-A-P-I... er, 'tated'," the 10 year old weakly finished as she fished out a few chicom grenades and tied the cork fuses to a string.   
  
"I'm not in love with her! I'm just her sex toy!" argued Akane indignantly.   
  
"Okay Miss Pervert 2, don't have a cow!" said the deceptively sweet little girl, "YOU'LL BE HAMBURGER SOON ENOUGH!!!" Akane growled in response.   
  
"Oh, and Miss Pervert 2? Can you stop swinging around like that? You might set off the pressure sensitive cord your hanging from and accidentally set off the C-4 above you."   
  
"Oh, it would just serve you right if you lost your precious bait!" Snapped the raven-haired girl defiantly.   
  
"No," said the girl meekly, acting bashful, before her posture changed, "BUT I'LL HAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF CHUM TO GO SHARK FISHING WITH!"   
  
Akane thought it best to sit still and wait to be rescued now.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"RANMA SAOTOME!" The Pigtailed boy stopped as he heard his name called by his rival, "I forbid you to go!"   
  
"Hey! You can't forbid me to do anything, pig boy!" countered Ranma hotly, "This is more than just a matter of saving Akane, ya know."   
  
"Ranma, that girl doesn't fight fair," argued Ryoga, "Listen, forget about Akane, we can join our own schools together! I mean, our styles compliment each other!"   
  
"Huh? Whaddya talking about, bacon-breath?"   
  
"Hahaha! Bacon-breath, good one! I mean my style is forceful and strong, while yours is graceful, and fluid, and potent, and rippling. Oh does it ripple!" Ryoga got a far away look in his eyes.   
  
"Er, yeah... sure. I, um, gotta go," Ranma turned once again to attempt a hasty retreat.   
  
Ryoga growled as the pigtailed boy turned his back on him, "It's because of 'her', isn't it?"   
  
"I already told ya, pork for brains! It's more than Akane!" Ranma then sputtered indignantly at the splash of water dripping from her face.   
  
"I mean because of *her*! FEMALE RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!" Ranma quickly went on defensive.   
__________________________________________________________________________________   
  
"Why are you doing this?" Akane asked.   
  
"My mommy and daddy aren't together anymore," said the little girl sadly.   
  
"I'm sorry to hear that, but you shouldn't go around trying to shoot and blow up people!"   
  
"My Mommy used to go out on bizniss trips all the time, so she didn't get to see Daddy all the time. Daddy had lots of friends come over when mommy was gone, they brought me a lot of presents that made me happy like Mommy did when she came back from bizniss. One day, Mommy came home when one of Daddy's friends was over, and she got mad! Mommy yelled at Daddy all night."   
  
"So, your mom caught your dad cheating on her?" Akane supplied in sympathy.   
  
"Mommy told him never to come back. I was sad because he gave me presents."   
  
"Uh, you say 'he'?" Akane interrupted.   
  
"Mommy and Daddy were back to being happy again, then Mommy caught Daddy with his friend with the cowboy hat and tight pants. Mommy was mad at Daddy for a long time, but she was then nice to him, and told him that was the last time she would forgive him.   
  
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with the fireman.   
  
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with her boyfriend, then she caught Daddy with the paperboy, then she..."   
  
"I think I get the point..." stated Akane dryly.   
  
"...Then with the one Mommy said was a Trained-estate, then, um, I forgot." The girl shrugged and continued her story, "Mommy cried for a long time when she and Daddy were not together anymore. I asked Mommy why her and Daddy weren't together anymore, and she told me because it was perverts. I promised my Mommy that I would get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world! Then Daddy and Mommy can be together again!"   
  
The girl giggled at the thought, " Mommy took me to meet her other boyfriend from America who had what Mommy called a 'Thousand Yard Stare'. I guess he could see really far! Anyway she said he used to be a green beret, I laughed and told him I liked pink berets better! Then I told him my Mommy and Daddy weren't together anymore because of perverts. He looked at me and asked if I want to do something about the perverts, and I told him I wanted to get rid of allllllll the perverts in the world! He said they don't belong in a man's army and all of them should be blown to Hell, he then said that he was gonna help me get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world. He even helped me become an NRA! Isn't that neat?"   
  
"Yeah... really neat," grumbled Akane.   
  
"So that's why I have to kill you and Miss Pervert," the girl emphasized the point by drawing out dual berettas, "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"EVIL SUCCUBUS!!! Prepare to join the side of the angels!" Onna-Ranma dodged from Ryoga's punch and the newly arrived Kuno's bokken swing.   
  
"A HAH! SO YOU ARE A DEMON!!!" shouted Ryoga in triumph, "PREPARE TO DIE, DEMONESS!!!"   
  
Ranma groaned as she evaded the attacks from both aggressors, growing slowly more agitated with each moment wasted with both morons, "I don't have the damn time for this! I have to go save Akane!"   
  
"Fear not, dark one, after I have brought you to our side and away from the dark sorcerer Saotome, I shall go save the fair Akane Tendou from what dire clutches have her!" Kuno paused to raise his bokken in the air, and received a punch to the face from Ryoga, meant for Ranma-chan, "That hurt, you know?"   
  
"Whoops! Sorry handsome, wait a minute, what do you mean 'Dark Sorcerer Saotome'?"   
  
"Ranma Saotome is a fiend dealing in dark magiks that have brought this lovely demoness into our world. He is a cowardly and craven sorcerer that is no man at all!"   
  
Ryoga growled ferally before replying, "He's much more a man than YOU'LL ever be!"   
  
"Ha, Saotome compared to me? He is but a craven jackal before me! But I see that he has worked his sorcery upon you, fear not, for I shall break his hold on both you and the flame haired succubus!"   
  
"ENOUGH! I won't let you slander the name of Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga brought forth his combat umbrella and leaped at the kendoist.   
  
Ranma snuck off quietly as both men engaged in their own battle, "You two fools keep each other busy, I got a date with a little brat to keep."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"So, great-grandmother, what am I to do?" Shampoo asked her elder in her native language; the old woman chuckled and crowed at the girl's slight problem. So the girl was cursed at Jusenkyo, from the way she was acting, she probably enjoyed her curse quite a bit.   
  
"Well, Shampoo, I don't see a problem with this at all, I think I'll go back with you to Japan to see this young man, and maybe give my great granddaughter a bit of help."   
  
"Aiyah," the purple haired Amazon proclaimed, "But I'm confused, honored Elder, Is Ranma my slave or my husband?"   
  
The other elders present conversed with each other, a few chuckles escaping, while Cologne stared blankly at her heir, and then shrugged at the question, "Same difference."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hey, ya little turd!" Ranma-chan shouted out, "Come out and face me!"   
  
"[Ooooh! You said 'turd'!]" Said the cutesy girl's voice over the an intercom system that was placed throughout the woods, "We're playing Hide and Seek, this time, you're it and you have to find Miss Pervert 2!"   
  
"HA! It ain't like you can stop me!" Shouted the redhead defiantly.   
  
"[Iiiiiii bet I caaaaaaaannnnnn!]" replied the girl in a singsong voice, "AND I'LL HAVE A GUT ROARING TIME TRYING!!!!"   
  
Ranma-chan gulped at the 40cm (that's 16 lovely inches diameter, folks!) battleship cannon being leveled at her.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oh Dear, I hope that young man is able to save Akane!" said Kasumi with a small amount of worry in her voice.   
  
"Don't worry, my son can meet any challenge! I trained the boy, after all!" proclaimed Genma proudly.   
  
"Oh how nice, you have a Son, Uncle Saotome?"   
  
"Your son BETTER save my daughter," growled Soun menacingly.   
  
"Now, now, Tendou, it's just a little girl. What could possibly go wrong?"   
  
Nabiki turned to the sound of a loud boom in the distance, "care to make a wager on that, Uncle Saotome?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma panted hard with her back against the tree, staring wide-eyed at the smoking cannon that left a nice series craters behind the Redhead. Ranma shifted her head back from the side, covering the spot where the tree she was against was almost cut in half.   
  
"[DAMMIT!!! I JUST HAD TO GO AND SAVE MONEY AND FORGONE THE EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS!" Yelled the girl's gruff voice over the intercom, "HAD TO BUY THE CORROSIVE HULL PIERCERS INSTEAD!]"   
  
The pigtailed girl growled as she brought her shivering back under control and started to cautiously walk forward. After several steps, Ranma-chan felt a pebble or something press down into the ground...   
  
"[Hee hee! Miss Pervert foot go boom!]" Childish laughter filled the intercom as Ranma watched cross-eyed, a few strands of hair from her bangs float downward from where they were once attached to her head. The redhead then wiggled her toes staring at the hole in her slippers that was right between her big toe and the next one in line. The skin between those toes would be raw, but at least she didn't lose them.   
  
"[Tipy-toe doesn't wooooooeeeeerrrrrk!]"   
  
Gathering herself, Ranma suddenly became a blur, setting off the 'toe poppers', but moving before they could cause her harm. The pigtailed girl stopped after she noticed there were no more loud bangs under her feet, "I'm gonna reallllly hurt you, ya little braaaaaaaaa!"   
  
"[Miss Pervert should watch that step, it a doozy!]" Ranma desperately held onto the trap door, keeping herself just barely an inch from the first spike.   
  
Ranma wrinkled her nose at the smell of human defecation, as she slowly pulled herself back to the surface. Once Ranma was standing firm again, she decided on another route, and jumped into the treetops.   
  
"[Hey! That's cheating! Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!]" Ranma just smirked at the taunt as she jumped from limb to limb. Ranma was making good pace, till she suddenly ran into a net, which was attached to a cord, which in turn was attached to the trigger of a high velocity flamethrower.   
  
The singed Ranma-chan breathed out a puff of smoke, and then plummeted down to earth. The as soon as she hit the ground, she yipped as another trap door opened under her...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane stared in dismay at the display in front of her, watching her savior plummet from a good height into another spiked pit, "Ranma-sama..."   
  
"Poor, poor Miss Pervert!" said the little girl with mock remorse. Akane bowed her head as a tear escaped.   
  
"[Don't, *huff*, think I'm out of it yet!]" said Onna-Ranma's voice as she climbed out once again, then fell to her hands and knees to catch her breath.   
  
"RANMA!" Akane's head shot up, the glow of hope in her eyes unmistakable.   
  
"WHAT ARE YOU? A FRIGG'N COCKROACH!" screamed the girl in outrage, "Bugs are so yucky!"   
  
"[It'll take more that a little hole to put down Ranma Saotome!]"   
  
"Okay," said the girl sweetly, "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET PERSONAL!" The little girl pulled out a 9mm glock, and aimed it at Akane sideways, "Lookie! It's even got a cute little sight on the side so I can hold it 'ganksta' style! Tee hee!"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma stood up, her aura at full blaze. Once she got a hold of that little girl, there was gonna be SERIOUS Hell to pay, and she was going to take the costs right out of Little Suzy's hide. Ranma took a step forward, tripping a wire, which tugged on a cork...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The little girl watched the explosion on her view screen, "Wow, those make really big booms..."   
  
The ten year old turned towards a chuckling Akane, confused, "Miss Pervert 2, are you going crazy?"   
  
"You underestimated Ranma-sama," Akane stated with a nasty smirk.   
  
"Huh?" Akane only turned her head back to the monitor, the little girl's eyes following. They both watched a crimson glowing redhead walk through the smoke, unscathed.   
  
"NO FUCKING WAY!!!!" Yelled the girl in a rough voice!   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Onna-Ranma dropped her aura closer to her, and continued further, heedless of the tripwires.   
  
"PIGTAILED SUCCUBUS! STAND ASIDE AND I SHALL RESCUE THE FIERCE GODDESS AKANE TENDOU!!!!"   
  
"Huh?" Ranma-chan's aura flickered out, as confusion, then agitation settled onto her face, "Kuno...."   
  
"[You brought more perverts? I said I only wanted to play with you!]"   
  
The Kendoist ran by the redhead girl, tripping a wire himself. Ranma watched the boy fly skywards, "You idiot...."   
  
"[That was a really coool trick you did with the glowing thingy, Miss Pervert, but will it work against compact zytel/kevlar tipped arrows?]"   
  
Ranma frantically dodged the rainstorm barrage from all sides, working hard to keep herself from becoming an oversized pincushion.   
  
"[Gee, Miss Pervert can sure move fast.]"   
  
Getting fed up, Ranma-chan started catching random arrows, and sending back in the directions they were coming from. After several connecting with targets, Ranma relaxed at the absence of missiles in the air, "Got anything else ya wanna throw at me ya little pissant?"   
  
A spotlight flashed on a table with food and drink. By the food was a note that said 'eat me', and by the drink one that said 'drink me'   
  
"You got... to be kidding," Onna-Ranma asked dryly with a half lidded look at the table.   
  
"[Well, I thought it would be funny....]" A second spotlight came on, pointing to an arrow that said, "This way 2 Akane!"   
  
Ranma cautiously followed the arrow into a large clearing, seeing the little girl, standing in front of a suspended Akane with her arms crossed, "You're really good, TOO BAD YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!!!"   
  
"Oh yeah?" Ranma shot back, "Whaddya gonna do about it?"   
  
The little girl's face contorted into a cute little rage, as she pulled her glock from her back and opened fire. Ranma ran to the side, barely keeping out of the way of the speeding bullets. The girl growled as she ran out of ammo, and jumped down from her ledge. She then dropped the smaller gun and pulled out 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'; making a strafing run opposite of what Ranma was running.   
  
"Miss Pervert won't even get close to Miss Pervert 2," the little girl stated with a slight anger in her cute voice. "I've coated the ground here with pressure sensitive mines, set to go at anything more than 50 kilos, you so much even breath wrong, TO THE MOON, ALICE!!!!"   
  
Ranma dodged the stream of bullets while cautiously stepping around the obvious mounds of dirt. Suzy was sticking close to Akane, which meant every time Ranma got close to the suspended girl, she was forced back from thicker gunfire, "I need to take her out, and fast!"   
  
Suzy ran out of ammo in her twin macs, and then pulled out a Mountain Eagle rifle modified to handle cluster nail rounds (a big Geneva convention no no, kiddies!). Fortunately, before she could take aim, Ranma was on her, kicking the gun away with the first kick, and then kicking the girl away. Suzy landed heavy against a tree, not moving, Ranma dashed towards Akane.   
  
"Don't worry, pumpkin, I'll have you down so we can celebrate," said the pigtailed girl confidently, not paying attention to Akane's frantic shaking of her head.   
  
Ranma leapt, hand about to sever the rope, right when a huge rock the size of a chest collided with her head. The Redhead landed heavily, just barely missing landing on the ring of can shaped mines surrounding Akane.   
  
Suzy stood heaving, still hunched over and heavily breathing from double handedly hurling the rock. "Game over, Miss Pervert! That was fun!" Suzy walked with a slight limp over to the downed older girl, aiming a colt 44 Magnum 'Anaconda' at Ranma (Think 'Dirty Harry'). "I'm gonna enjoy drilling a hole through your thick skull," Suzy finished in her mannish voice, this time without it being loud and boisterous, "Any last words?" her thumb pulled the hammer back as she said this.   
  
"Uh, just one..." Ranma grinned as she looked down at the mound where the little girl was standing, "catch!"   
  
Ranma tossed the small boulder used to fell her into the girl's confused arms. Suzy wasn't confused any more as she felt the ground sink below her, "Uh... oh..."   
  
Ranma waved to the girl as she sailed into the sky.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Onna-Ranma and Akane lay in bed, enjoying the post coital bliss, "Ranma..." Akane turned a questioning look to the redhead, "thank you for rescuing me, I got so exited seeing you in action!"   
  
Ranma-chan scratched the back of her head nervously, "Heh heh, well, that's me, the action hero."   
  
"Now that that's over, when do you think Shampoo will be back?" Akane asked with a bit of trepidation in her voice.   
  
"We'll nip that cat at the bud when we get to it," the redhead replied, "but I wonder what became of Suzy."   
  
"Hopefully, that's not going to be our problem for a long time, if ever," Akane rolled back on top of Ranma, earning her sensual purr for taking the initiative.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The young man looked at the spot he was to be setting up shop in a few weeks. Soon he will be settled down, and he could continue his search. Pausing from his reverie, his ears perked at the sound of a little girl screaming.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! UMPH!!!!" Suzy blinked, as she felt herself land in the arms someone. Looking up into her savior's face, the ten year old fell in puppy love, "Tee hee, thank you for saving me from falling!"   
  
"Uh, think nothing of it," Replied the young man as he set the smoking girl down.   
  
"Gosh, you look reeaaaalllllyyyy handsome!" Little Suzy fidgeted on the ground, idly fiddling with her burnt dress and singed hair to make herself look presentable.   
  
"Um, thanks, sugar," Replied the boy out loud, "Oh, crap, she's got a crush on me!"   
  
"What's your name?"   
  
"Kuonji, Kuonji Ukyo...." 


	14. Ranma's Fear

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho   
  
  
"Try to seduce Kasumi again?"   
  
"Already tried it three times today," the redhead replied, lounging lazily on the porch.   
  
"P-chan hunting?"   
  
"He was here two days ago, probably won't be back for a couple of weeks at least."   
  
"Set a cup under Nabiki and hum until she fills it?"   
  
"That was fun the first five times..."   
  
"Well, then you come up with an idea!" challenged Akane, exasperated.   
  
"*Sigh*, today's just sooo, soooo, boring!"   
  
"Ranma-sama, I think we're stuck in a rut."   
  
"Tell me about it..."   
  
Well, I have an idea!" Mr. Tendou appeared between both girls, causing them to jump in surprise, "Ranma, here's some cash, why don't you take Akane out for a night on the town?"   
  
Ranma looked at the money that the Tendou patriarch handed him, "This is barely enough for a decent fast food restaurant." Akane nodded in affirmation.   
  
"Oh, well then, here's some more!" Soun slapped a few more bills onto Onna-Ranma's hand   
  
"Well, I guess that will get us a bit more entertainment, how about some money for the movies?"   
  
Soun gave her some more money.   
  
"Love hotel?"   
  
Soun pulled out his wallet. Ranma looked at the extra cash in her palm.   
  
"How about one with clean sheets?"   
  
A little more money.   
  
"Rotating bed..."   
  
Soun pulled out his piggy bank.   
  
"Pay for a gigolo..."   
  
He took out a loan from Nabiki.   
  
"Well, I guess that should about cover it!" Ranma-chan said cheerfully.   
  
"Honestly, Ranma-sama, there wasn't a need to break Dad like that!"   
  
"You're right, we'll skip the movie then," the redhead handed a few bills back to Soun.   
  
"I just have one condition, you have to spend it as a guy." The pigtailed girl looked cockeyed at her prospective father-in-law.   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Um, you see, its, well... It's not appropriate for two young girls to be seen in public on a date, you understand."   
  
"Now ask me if I care," replied Ranma dryly.   
  
"Ranma-sama, it wouldn't hurt to at least try to spend the night as a guy, would it?" Akane pleaded, going out tonight would at least be something.   
  
"Hmm, I guess, you can always 'accidentally' spill water on me at some time." Akane cocked her head and smiled innocently.   
  
Soun left the two girls to their plans, and was intercepted by his old friend, "Uh, Tendou, wasn't that our drinking money?" Genma asked with a slight edge in his voice.   
  
"Don't worry, Saotome, it's part of a plan!" Soun said as if he had just invented perpetual motion, "You see, if they were to go out tonight as guy and a girl, and by chance end up at a love hotel...."   
  
"Then my manly son won't be able to keep Akane's hot hands off of him! Our schools will be joined for sure!" Genma waved a small flag in victory.   
  
"Um, I was meaning to say your son wouldn't be able to resist my daughter, and would take the initiative, but no matter, the results would be the same." Both men gave each other a high five. Unawares to both of them, Nabiki was overhearing the conversation...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"That jerk did THAT to you?" Ukyo said incredulously, as he nursed the little girl.   
  
"Yeah, Ranma is a meanie stupid faced pervert! He kicked he hard too!" the girl let out a whimper, twisting a bit in bed, "my back hurts."   
  
"Don't worry, Sugar, I'll get revenge on the child beating bitch!" Ukyo fingered her empty bandolier menacingly, "I gotta take care of my own Ranma Saotome while I'm at it."   
  
"Mr. Ukyo, what did your Ranma do to you?" the little girl asked inquisitively.   
  
"When I was only six, he and his father abandoned me! I swore I would have my revenge. I trained for ten years for that moment," Ukyo stood in a dashing pose that melted the ten year-old's heart.   
  
"I'll try to help you, Mr. Ukyo," the young man smiled at the girl, who suddenly groaned, "Owie, the booboo on my head hurts again, can you kiss it better?"   
  
Kuonji's paternal instincts warred with the general nervousness he felt with the little girl, but the softer heart won out as he gently kissed the little girl's forehead.   
  
Ukyo tucked the girl in and left the room. Once Suzy was sure the coast was clear, she reached under the bed and pulled out the case holding her Colt Anaconda. She removed one bullet from the case, and with care, took out a fine engraving chisel, and carved 'Male Ranma Saotome' into the casing, then put the bullet into the casing. After her craftsmanship was done, Suzy went to sleep, happily dreaming of shirtless Ukyos.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane wasn't in the best of moods as she looked out the window, idly drawing a french fry in, then out, in, then out of her mouth. The pigtailed boy squirmed in his seat, trying his best not to notice the motion, "Could you, uh, not do that, please?"   
  
Akane turned her agitation back to her date, "Well, it wouldn't be much of a problem if you would just CHANGE!"   
  
"Nu-uh! I promised your pops I would stay a guy, and I'm gonna keep it!" Akane's mood darkened even more when she realized exactly how good a job he was doing in keeping that promise. For a water magnet, he was pretty damn good at dodging splashes when he was looking for them. The attempt at splashing him with that random puddle just outside the Dojo he avoided with ease. Akane purposely walked him in front of the old lady's house, the raven-haired girl watched in awe as Ranma twisted and whirled out of the main splash and the following sprinkles. 'Accidentally' kicking the fire hydrant didn't help as he leapt over the stream that was heading towards in at point blank. Eventually, the girl resorted to the gas powered high velocity super soaker, but ran out of water from the long chase Otoku-Ranma lead her on. Akane signed it as a lost cause once they got to the fast food restaurant.   
  
The short-haired girl sighed, and went back to eating her coney, then paused at the way Ranma scrunched up her face, "What?"   
  
"Could you just EAT the hot dog without licking the condiments off of it?"   
  
"Why, you have a problem with the way I like eating?" Akane fumed, though not willing to admit that it was a habit she had only picked up recently.   
  
"Um, it's... just distracting, that's all," Ranma replied back, then taking a bite out of his hamburger. Then spit out the mouthful, "STOP THAT!"   
  
Akane stopped slurping on her milkshake, "NOW what is it?"   
  
"Wipe your mouth! You're dribbling all over the place! Why are you eating like a preschooler? You raised in a barn or sumthin'?"   
  
Akane huffed, then wiped the vanilla milkshake that had been dribbling from her mouth, and down her chin, "Well, if you're just going to criticize the way I eat, we may as well end this date NOW!"   
  
"Fine with me! I didn't want to be seen out in public with such an uncute Tomboy like you anyway!" Ranma shot back.   
  
Akane bowed her head, so Ranma wouldn't see her tears, and hid the shuddering in her voice, "Fine, Ranma-sam... Ranma, let's go back then."   
  
"Second thought, wanna just go make out in the back alley?" Akane's head shot up to see a grinning redhead, with a waiter looking apologetic behind her, a club soda on his tray tipped over.   
  
"Sure, sounds like fun!"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki fumed as she watched her sister and Ranma on their date from across the street. She had managed to curb all the other official accidents that coulda changed Ranma to his alternate form, though she couldn't go to the restaurant without being seen by either of them.   
  
Nabiki knew that nothing was going to happen between the two as long as they stayed the opposite sex. Ranma in his guy form was just too much of a wimp when it came to other girls, well too obviously. It's a totally different story about the redheaded girl though. If she could keep him male, eventually Akane's temper, as well as frustration, would get the best of her. Then her lovely little sister would explode on the boy, and do the rest of the work.   
  
The middle Tendou daughter cheered, as it seemed Akane had finally got fed up with her pigtailed date, and then her hopes were dashed by a bumbling waiter.   
  
Nabiki watched the two girls slip out of the restaurant and into the side alley, then followed at a distance, contemplating on ways to keep the two from beginning anything, or at least watch and get some satisfaction during her voyeurism.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hur-hurry, Ranma-sama!" Akane panted as she blindly fiddled with the other girl's clothing. Ranma-chan enjoyed taking her time stripping her partner, but finally came to the... fat of the situation. As experienced hands started, Ranma paused at a sound...   
  
"Um, Akane-chan? D-did you just... purr?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Nabiki hid in the shadows, rather awed at how fast the two girls worked, when she blinked as the two suddenly stopped...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Huh?" Akane opened her eyes at the sudden change of Ranma's mood. The redhead girl suddenly seemed tense.   
  
"Y-y-you di-didn't just... purr, did you?"   
  
"Uh, no, Ranma-sama, I usually make small barking noises, remember? You said it sounds so cute, like a little bitch that I..."   
  
"Uhhhh, i.... if that wasn't you...?" Ranma looked down as she felt something brush her legs.   
  
"Well, this is certainly interesting," though Nabiki to herself as she pulled her pants back up. Ranma locked up solid at the sight of the cat, and when it mewed, all Hell made a run for the border.   
  
"CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" Akane attempted to pry the almost permanently fastened pigtailed girl from the top of her head.   
  
"Don't tell me you're afraid of a little pussy!" sighed Akane, and then mentally noted to smack herself and the author for such a poor ass pun. Neither noticed a third figure escaping from the mouth of the alley.   
  
"Oh, this is just too good to be true!" Nabiki thought to herself, "The great Ranma Saotome, afraid of a kitty cat. I wonder what Daddy's gonna say about this?" Nabiki stopped, and then thought for a second, "I can always tell him tomorrow, I think I'll have a bit of fun first..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane shooed the cat away, and finally managed to calm Ranma down, "Okay, what was that all about?"   
  
"Stupid training of Panda-chan's," growled the redhead, more ticked that the mood was gone more than anything, and began to explain the tale of the Cat Fist to her date.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Why, that's an awful lot you're buying there? You're not smoking the stuff, are ya? You youngsters do some weird things, you know!" stated the shopkeeper as he handed the twenty-pound bag to Nabiki.   
  
"Oh, no, I have a good use for this, other than blowing it up in smoke I mean..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Panda-chan's going to be a throw rug when we get home," growled the raven-haired girl, heedless of the redhead trying to restrain her.   
  
"Don't worry about it! Really! It's not a big deal!"   
  
"NOT A BIG DEAL? THE IDIOT THREW YOU INTO A PIT OF STARVING CAT AT LEAST THREE TIMES!!!!"   
  
"Yeah, but it's not like I got permently hurt," Onna-Ranma chuckled nervously, "I mean, do you see many scars on this body?" the girl opened her shirt for examining.   
  
Akane's mood immediately changed, as she had an observing look on her face, "I don't know, Ranma-sama. I may need to do a more thorough examination..."   
  
"If you insist, Doctor Akane. Should we continue the look over on a shag carpet, a Jacuzzi, or on a bucking bed?"   
  
Akane's face screwed up at the realization that she hadn't gotten any satisfaction yet. Akane grabbed hard onto the other girl's arm and dragged her in a direction, "I think I saw a hotel this way..."   
  
Ranma allowed herself to be pulled away, smiling at managing to distract Akane from her path of vengeance. After all, it was her right alone to skin her father.   
  
"HMPH! Wha?" Ranma-chan spit out some of the dry small weeds that ended up in her mouth after the approximately twenty pound bag landed on her from above, "What's this?   
  
"Quit stalling and come on! Night's not getting any younger, you know?" Akane fumed, then paused at the sight behind Ranma, "Um, Ranma-sama? How do you feel like a good, brisk run?"   
  
"Whaddya talking about Aka..." the redhead quickly shut up at the sound of the first meow, "Sure, brisk run, good for the constitution."   
  
Both girls went into a flat dash, trying to outrace the dozens of cats following behind them.   
  
From a rooftop, Nabiki chuckled sinisterly.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ra-Ranma-sama?" Akane asked, panting, "think we lost them yet?" Her question was answered when a feline took a flying leap from the fore, right into Ranma-chan's face.   
  
"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!" Screamed the girl as she started running in random directions. Akane stared incredulously at the scene, as her partner ran into a wall, just before the cat leapt from her. Ranma fell back, defenseless against the army of cats that swarmed around and blanketed her.   
  
"RANMA-SAMA!" cried Akane in dismay, but felt intense relief, as the mound of cats exploded outward.   
  
"Oh, thank goodness you're okay!" Akane said relaxing as she approached the other girl, but stopped when she noticed Ranma was acting weird. Weird as in hunched over on all fours and hackles raised, "Ranma-sama, are you okay?"   
  
Akane took an involuntary step back as she saw the girl's eyes focus on her, and gulped at the animalistic feral look in them. Ranma-chan growled and slowly approached the short-haired girl.   
  
"Uh, this isn't funny, Ranma-sama." The redhead ignored the other girl's rants as she corralled her into an alley...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Ranma-sama, you animal!" Akane awoke in a euphoric state, her clothes in tatters as she lay on the ground, "Ranma-sama?" Akane looked around, and didn't find any trace of the other girl, "where'd she go?   
  
Akane sat up and attempted to adjust her clothing to look somewhat presentable, but gave up and pulled the extra clothing out of her bag to change into. As the girl buttoned up her new blouse, Akane caught a scream in the distance, "Ranma?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The woman screamed at the seemingly wild girl trying to hump her, managing to beat her off with a purse. Ranma rolled back to her feet, and meowed inquisitively as people started running and screaming in other directions. Somewhat satisfied, Ranma sat down and preened herself, so that she may look presentable for the next mate she came across. She didn't have to wait long as a couple, unaware of the screams that were just in the area, had walked by...   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane ran in the direction of the screams, and came upon a dazed, but familiar face, "Nabiki? What are you doing here?"   
  
Akane's older sister shook herself out of her blissful state, and tried to cover herself for decency purposes, "Apparently getting ravaged by Ranma. That girl was totally outta control!"   
  
"Nabiki, did you notice anything... strange about Ranma?"   
  
"What, other than the fact that she acted like a total tomcat, and took me right in the open? If I wasn't so turned on, I would be totally pissed. Good thing nobody saw... not that I was paying much attention...."   
  
Akane had only been listening partways, "Could this be... the cat fist?" she thought to herself, then came to another horrible deduction, "Wait, you said she was acting like an tomcat... that would mean...."   
  
"What are you babbling about, sis?" Nabiki asked irritably, Akane gave Nabiki a rundown on what Ranma had told her earlier.   
  
"Ranma-sama was swamped with cats earlier, that's about when she started acting peculiar. What if this is just her way of dealing with her phobia?"   
  
"I guess that would make sense, classical escape from reality in order to cope with a stressful situation"   
  
"Not only that, we were, um, kind of in the middle of something, and were trying to find somewhere more private to finish it," Akane added sheepishly, "Poor Ranma-sama was probably hotter than I was."   
  
Nabiki's eyes widened in realization, "That means...."   
  
Both girls paled at the sound of screams in the distance...   
  
"There's an oversexed redhead acting like a cat loose, we better find her, and soon!" Both girls took off running in the direction they presumed Onna-Ranma to be in.   
  
"Don't worry, Ranma-sama, I'll save you... somehow."   
  
In the distance, they heard yowling. 


	15. Nekoken vs the Amapanpando

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho   
  
  
"Candy, now I gots to tell ya, I runs a biznuss hea!"   
  
The almost indecently clad orange haired girl's bottom lip trembled, as she stood facing the man in the red velvet lazy-boy. Earning a reprimand from the boss was serious stuff, she may be able to make by without totally upsetting him if she sat and took it.   
  
"And in my hea biznuss, everbody'z gots an imputent, excuze me, impotent role. Like one of dem, uh.... machine things that go in circles"   
  
"Cogs?" Supplied a statuesque black woman with an afro.   
  
"Cogs, heh, cute word. Yeah, like one of them cog things. Anywayz, you know what happens when a cog don't work?"   
  
The girl named Candy nodded her head, refraining from a verbal answer.   
  
"What? Yo! Speak up ho'!"   
  
"Ye-yes?" the girl replied meekly.   
  
"I starts leakin' money! That's what happens!" the man in the seat clarified, "When I starts leak'n money, I gots ta find where it's leak'n to, ya dig?"   
  
"I dig," replied the woman with the afro.   
  
"So, that brings us to our current perdiment, pardon me, perd-o-ment. You ain't a work'n cog." The man in the seat turned to look at his right hand woman, "Ya see, I likes dat word, 'cog'."   
  
"Cool, cool," the woman replied calmly.   
  
"Since you ain't the work'n cog, I thought I ask you, WHERE'S MY MONEY, BITCH?"   
  
"I-I... ya see, Brotha Jerome, business has been slow and..."   
  
"WHAT? Jo gimme me excuses? Don't make me go upside jo fool haid! Gonna make me waste my talent on yo' tired ass!"   
  
"I... I'll make it up, I promise. I just need..."   
  
"Now you backtalk'n me? Tell me I didn't hea dat!"   
  
"I'm not back talking to you, I..." with impossible speed, a hand struck out and slapped Candy in the cheek, causing her to cry out in pain, yet not leaving a mark.   
  
"Time jo learned jo place! You don't shoot off to the Master of the Amapanpando School of Martial arts! Ya dig?" the Japanese man in the seat stood up slightly bowlegged, carefully combing his afro out, and then running his hand down his polyester outfit to smooth out the wrinkles   
  
"I can dig it."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Akane and Nabiki arrived at the scene, both shocked and slightly amused with the scene in front of them.   
  
"I'll give it to lover girl," Nabiki said, smirk apparent in her voice, "she does get around when motivated." Various women lay dazed with huge smiles in tattered clothing, clinging to the top of light poles for fear of their lives, or braced against the wall with various weapons at the fore.   
  
"Excuse me, miss? Have you seen a redheaded girl come by here?" Akane asked politely. The woman holding a cattle prod wordlessly pointed down the street, her directions confirmed with a cry of 'what the Hell' in the distance. "Er, thank you. Comon Nabiki..."   
  
"This way?" At least the middle Tendou daughter was taking humor in the situation.   
  
Both girls followed the trail of... well, carnage isn't 'quite' the right word, hoping to catch up with Ranma-chan and find a way of subduing the crazed martial artist before... something... happens. Both feared what that 'something' could be.   
  
"Nabiki, huff, notice that Ranma-sama's only attacked women so far?" Akane asked between breaths.   
  
Nabiki was in much worse shape as she tried her best to keep up with her younger sister, "I've noticed, Ranma's not being very selective either. Did you see that woman with the tube top? Ugh!"   
  
"Never mind that, why do you think that is, though?"   
  
"Well, if she indeed thinks she's a cat, she's acting like a male cat would. Trying to impregnate as many other cats as possible."   
  
"Huh?" Akane asked, "But wouldn't she need different equipment for that?" Akane suddenly stopped, wide eyed; Nabiki stopped also gaining an incredulous expression on her face.   
  
"No way..." Nabiki whispered as she just remembered something. Both sisters looked at their mid-section, then back at each other...   
  
"How... the Hell?" Akane and Nabiki said at the same time.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
Ranma dismounted from another mate, still anxious to carry out her instinctual duty to carry on her species. Her nose perked as she caught the scent of a whole group of females in heat. The redhead turned in the direction her nose followed, salivating in anticipation.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"This... is just too far out for me," Nabiki said between gasps of air, "there SHOULD NOT be anything there! I KNOW for a fact Ranma-chan was in her girl form before she, um, well, you know..."   
  
"Oh my," Akane's brain had the same phrase looped over and over since they came to the realization of one of Onna-Ranma's many... talents.   
  
"Can't you say ANYTHING else Akane-chan?"   
  
"DIBS!!!!"   
  
"Mou, that's not fair!" cried the older girl.   
  
"Well she's MY fiancée!"   
  
"She hasn't even picked yet!" stated Nabiki, suddenly gaining her second wind as they both cased after their mutual fiancée.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Whaja bitch'n 'bout? You say some ho's freak'n all my bitches and cutt'n out pay'n for da services?" Cried Brotha Jerome, "Shiiiit, she gonna learn straight up! Gonna turn her tricks and make her walk da streets fo' me!"   
  
"I hear ya, Brotha Jerome," said the black woman with the beach ball sized afro.   
  
"Foxy Brown..."   
  
"My name... is not 'Foxy Brown'," growled the woman.   
  
"Yo, whateva, I likes dat name fo' you. Take care o' dat bitch fo' me. I know ya do her good like dat, ya dig?"   
  
"I can dig it."   
  
"Cool, cool. That's why you my sista, Foxy. We tight like that, cause we partnas."   
  
"True, true, I'll go catch the little merchandise thief and turn her out before you even miss yo' money.   
  
"Now THAT'S what I'm talk'n 'bout, my bitches! Now why tha rest of yo' sittin' hea? GET OUT THERE AND GET MY MONEY!"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The Redhead stopped, and sniffed the air again; she was so close to the source she could taste. The pigtailed girl licked her lips in a very feline way, and then caught in her line of sight more females to copulate with. With a territorial growl, Ranma leaped at the startled group of women.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Thank you, and I'll be sure to give her your number," Akane said to the woman who was gathering herself together. Akane jogged back to her sister to relay the information, "She said Ranma was headed that way."   
  
"That's odd, why would she suddenly change direction like that?" mused Nabiki.   
  
"Hey, little girls! This is my corner! If Brotha Jerome finds out about this..."   
  
"Brotha Jerome?" both girls enquired in unison.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
The tall woman looked down as the redhead finished up with another one of her boss's employees, and skipped off in the general direction of her base of operations.   
  
Ranma paused when she was intercepted by another female, this one seeming to bear malice, "That's far enough honey. You have some dues to pay." Ranma meowed curiously and trotted up the woman, the menacing woman brought her right hand to the back of her head, "And you're gonna have to work off that tab with our establishment." The redhead interpreted the confrontation as the female demanding attention, and attempted to pounce.   
  
"AFRO PICK SHIRUKEN!" A metallic afro comb whizzed in the air towards Onna-Ranma, causing the girl to change force herself to land and change directions. Once the pigtailed girl realized what the other woman's intentions were, her own poise became menacing. Ranma's hackles raised as she hissed at her opponent, to show she was accepting the challenge.   
  
The woman took up a cheesy kung-fu pose, and awkwardly circled around the girl, waiting for a moment to strike; it was not long before she perceived an opening.   
  
"EBONY QUEEN KICK!" 'Foxy Brown' leapt into a jump kick, only rivaled in cheesiness of her kung fu stance. Onna-Ranma found herself actually pressed to dodge it, and before she could land, the redhead had to maneuver out of the way of several more afro-shurikens.   
  
Ranma decided to go on the offensive and ran towards the tall statuesque woman to pounce, but had to redirect her attack when she got within range.   
  
"BEAUTIFUL MOTHER-LAND EMPTY HANDED CHOP!" The karate chop barely missed the redhead's neck, instead hitting her shoulder and forcing her to move off target. Without losing momentum, Ranma raced into a wall, and rebounded off it, then bounded off of another wall, faster than her opponent could see.   
  
The woman gasped as her back was captured by the feral redhead.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Damn, tricks is tak'n too long! Yo check dis, nights goin' busted! Now how's a dawg gonna be earn'n his keep if you peeps ain't shak'n tha bac'n and bringing back chedda?" The few girls that stayed to assist the Japanese man in the Lazy-Boy looked hesitant to answer.   
  
"Ey, yo, don't sweat it, now I know deres dem bad night's 'n' all, so I'm cool, ya hea? Thea's no needs to prospain, I mean, procreate befo' Brotha Jerome fo' mercy. Tho when that trick who dare sample my products without da propa donation meet wit' Soul Bro, she gonna learn why I'm the master of the Amapanpando Ryuu, ya dig?"   
  
Brotha Jerome waited for a reply, forgetting he sent his right hand woman off on a mission.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"So, Saotome, how do you think their date is going?" enquired Soun as he moved another game piece.   
  
"Honestly, Tendou, I don't think they made past the gate as guy and girl," Genma responded, contemplating his own next move.   
  
"Sigh, I suppose you're right. I guess it was just too much for an old man like me to hope."   
  
"I suppose," Genma decided on his next move, then acted, "Wait? Isn't that my wayward son in his cursed form with a strap-on?"   
  
Rather than look, Soun shot to standing and ran, screaming like a little girl and kicking over the go table in his haste to make a run for it.   
  
"Hmm, I guess that wasn't the best distraction I coulda used at that moment..."   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Hey, yo girl? What took you so long?" Brotha Jerome watched as the silhouette of his number one woman came into the light, and gasped. She had a bright but dazed smile on her face, as her clothes were shredded to ribbons.   
  
"DAAAAAYYYYYYYMMMMMNNNN! What happened to you, woman?"   
  
The woman looked towards her boss's general direction, her eyes not focusing, "K-kitty," with that, she fell to the ground and passed out.   
  
"Kitty? What da HELL she talk'n 'bout?" His reply was answered by a feral growl.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Man, can you imagine if it actually swells up that big?" enquired Nabiki, thinking of the mouthwatering possibilities of Ranma-chan's newfound abilities, "Not only that, her stamina seems to be in overdrive when she's like this."   
  
"That's enough Nabiki!" commanded Akane, "I'm soaked enough as it is." Both stopped, their destination now within sight. Akane and Nabiki walked up to the gaudy looking, but rather large house with a sign on the front, "Brotha Jerome's Crib, no Solicitation, just Patronization, Ya dig?"   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"Oh, you done screwed up now, girl! I ain't even got to hit dat shit yet!" exclaimed the tacky dressed man, "You com'n and challenging Brotha Jerome, the undisputed master of the Amapanpando Ryuu. An ancient art passed down from Pimpdaddy to Pimpdaddy, used to keep thea bitches in line. Now you come and poach on my territorie, you best be prepared for its awesome might! Ya dig?"   
  
"I can dig it," replied the sleepy voice passed out on the ground.   
  
"Ranma!" Akane and Nabiki arrived just in time to witness the showdown between the redhead girl and the Pimp of the establishment.   
  
"Behold, Beiotch, the power of AMAPANPANDO, THE WAY OF THE BITCH SLAP!" Brotha Jerome stood heavily bowlegged now, with the heels of his platform shoes almost together. His left hand had been tucked into his back pocket, and his right hand bouncing by his ribcage. The final touch was made as the theme song to 'Dolemite' kicked in the background.   
  
Ranma-chan sensed a male challenger to her dominance over her newly acquired harem, and poised for attack; her ki-claws becoming visible, as well as another appendage formed from ki.   
  
Both Akane and Nabiki's eyes grew wide as saucers.   
  
"I... fit all that into... there?" Akane said with a little awe   
  
"My, our Ranma-chan does have an ego, doesn't she," commented her older sister, "but I think a little bit of it is just the light corona."   
  
"That's still not much, wow."   
  
At an ungiven command, both combatants raced at each other and met somewhere in the middle. Ranma-chan's 'paws' flailing like an angered tiger, while Brotha Jerome's right hand flailed wildly.   
  
"Hehh hehh hehh," Jerome chuckled, "The secret of the Bitch slap is move in ways they ain't expect'n without givin' yo' polezition away. It's capable of crushing bone without harming flesh; perfect for punishing bitches who try to con thea pimp outta his chedda."   
  
If Ranma were capable of higher levels of coherence, she would have had to agree with the technique's formidability. Her cat fist technique couldn't get through what seemed like a solid wall of arms, but at least she managed to keep his attacks at bay.   
  
Both broke off the stalemate to gain a breather, Onna-Ranma emitting a low growl as the pimp breathed in deeply to replenish oxygen.   
  
"Don't think you gonna win dis match!" stated Jerome confidently, "I hadn't even broken out all my repotoo-ar yet! Behold, the Amapanpando super technique, HYPERBITCHSLAP!"   
  
With a renewed speed, Brotha Jerome rushed at the redhead, almost catching her off guard as his arm melded into an almost solid haze. The pigtailed girl returned with half the speed, catching a few licks here and there for her troubles.   
  
On the sidelines, the two sisters and a few others of Brotha Jerome's employees observed the battle. Suddenly after contemplating the match, Akane pounded her fist into her other hand.   
  
"That's it! Ranma-sama's gonna win this match!"   
  
"Huh? How can you be so sure of that, sis?" Nabiki enquired, "Ranma can't even keep up with that speed."   
  
"But you see? Brother Jerome is starting to slow down. Such a fast paced technique has to take lots of energy, and Ranma-sama seems to be in top form."   
  
"Huh?" Nabiki enquired, and then turned back to the fight. Sure enough, the middle Tendou sister could see beads of sweat streaming down from the afro-headed man.   
  
Finally, the pigtailed girl gained and opening, and swung; Brotha Jerome squawked as two rolls of socks and a fourteen inch steel bar fell from his pants.   
  
"What? HEY! He's been playing us!" Shouted one of the prostitutes.   
  
"No wonder it felt so... artificial. I thought he was just on the pump."   
  
"Eternal hard-on my elastic ass," growled another. All of Brotha Jerome's employees, along with Ranma-chan, started stalking the now frightened man.   
  
"Oh, comon girls, I'z just play'n, ya dig?"   
  
"No, we can't dig it!" cried a chorus of angry women.   
  
"Yo, Foxy, come and put these bitches in line!"   
  
"I told you," said the black woman with a voice of distain, "my name's not 'Foxy Brown."   
  
Brotha Jerome let out a whimper before he was dog piled.   
  
"Well, I guess that's that..." Akane commented; as she watched Ranma preen herself, then go to sleep to the sounds of heavy pummeling.   
_______________________________________________________________________   
  
"So... how was your date last night?" enquired Soun over the morning newspaper.   
  
"Oh, it was great! We even helped a bunch of women out!"   
  
"That's good, it's the path of a martial artist to help the weak," Soun commented, not entirely paying attention.   
  
"Yup," Onna-Ranma piped in, "they even gave us coupons! Wanna go with us and try out this family discount?"   
  
"Sure, sounds like fun," said Soun, not realizing what he just agreed on.   
  
"Ranma-sama, about the cat fist. Do you remember how you used your ki to make claws and endow yourself?" asked Akane, hopefully.   
  
"'Fraid not, though I swear this; I, Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of Martial arts WILL master the Cat Fist! Now let's get upstairs so I can get to work on mastering it!"   
  
Akane graciously let herself be lead upstairs; Nabiki asking herself to be excused as she quickly went to follow. 


	16. Cologne

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"Don't fight it, Yu-chan! It's bigger than both of us!" Akane chased a panicked Yuka around school campus, much to Akane's surprised, the girl was a lot faster than the youngest Tendou daughter had thought. The other girl was barely managing to evade her pursuer, Yuka weaved between crowds of people, turning every corner she came to, and throwing as many obstacles in Akane's way as possible. The raven-haired girl nimbly dodged each barrier placed in front of her, but was always stalled in crowds, taking a bit of time to... test the firmness of the fruits in each particular bushel she ran through. Finally the chase lead back to the front of the campus, where Yuka's run came to a sudden and unfortunate stop, as she ran into something akin to a brick wall.  
  
"Oh, thanks Ranma-sama, I didn't think I would ever catch up with her!" Akane said while huffing for air.  
  
"Um, don't mention it," stated a male-Ranma, not quite sure what he had missed. One of Akane's friends just ran into him, which annoyed him, but from the panic that was on her face he assumed it was an honest mistake, "what's with her?"  
  
"Oh, she's just a bit nervous! I swear it's not like I'm going to hurt her, right Ranma-sama?" Akane winked suggestively at the boy, causing him to baulk a bit.  
  
"I'll just take your word for it. Just don't get any wet ideas. It's about time I stayed a guy for at least ONE day!"  
  
"Hmph, you are such a virgin, Ranma-sama. Come on, Yuka, we have a few things to discuss in private," with that Akane attempted to drag the gapping girl with her, but a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.  
  
"Nihao!"  
  
The same effect that the girl's return had on Akane had a similar effect on Ranma, except a bit more potent, "Sha-Shampoo, what are you doing back?"  
  
"Airen miss Shampoo, yes?" The Amazon asked with a cute smile.  
  
"NO/YES" reply came at the same time from Ranma and Akane respectively.  
  
"Of course we missed you, Shampoo!" Akane answered again, letting go of Yuka, forgetting about her.  
  
The purple haired girl looked inquisitively at Akane, "Why care if weak girl miss Shampoo?"  
  
"Control," Akane said under her breath, not letting the barb get to her. She was determined this time to get something out of the meeting, be damned in public or not. Akane had developed the hots for the sexy little number, even once asking Onna-Ranma to wear a purple wig. Akane's hungry stare didn't go unnoticed by its target, but Shampoo appeared rather confused about it.  
  
"Well, I was hoping, even with this Ranma business between the two of us, if we could possibly... be friends?"  
  
"What weak girl talking?" Shampoo took a step back as Akane's aura slightly flared before it was reined back in control.  
  
"Look you, I'm trying to be nice!" Akane said through gritted teeth as she slowly walked up to Shampoo, "Is that a problem?"  
  
"Is no problem, mean weak girl know place," Shampoo replied condescendingly.  
  
"Why I aught to..." Akane was trembling with repressed fury, bringing her fist up to bear threateningly.  
  
"You think you challenge Shampoo... weak girl? Shampoo defeat you easy before," Shampoo felt supremely smug as she got under the other girl's ire.  
  
Akane put her face right into Shampoos, while the other girl's expression became more serious and glared right back. The look on the Amazon's face was all Akane could bear, as she lashed out and grabbed the other girl's head, and kissed her deeply.  
  
Everyone in the schoolyard froze at the sight, except for Ranma. "Yeah, like we didn't see this coming," he said with a half lidded stare, more to himself than anyone. As the kiss went longer though, the pigtailed boy became more irritated.  
  
Shampoo's mental functions had locked up through out the kiss. Even if she were capable of thought, she would not have known what to do in this situation. A girl just kissed her, on the lips, in front of her 'tribe'... if great-grandmother heard about this, Shampoo is *so* screwed.  
  
Akane backed off with a dazed, but pleasantly happy expression on her face, "You know Shampoo, it would be a lot better for the both of us if you participated... Shampoo? You there?" Akane started waving her hands in front of the other catatonic girl, gaining no response. After a few seconds, Akane lowered her hand and endearingly graced her fingertips over Shampoo's mid-section. That did get a response.  
  
At the very personal touch, Shampoo's head shot up with a glare almost capable of melting steel, "SHAMPOO KILL!!!!!!" The Amazon's hand pushed the other girl away, and then was suddenly holding one of her maces, driving it towards Akane's head. Ranma had been caught by surprise by the motion, and had no time to intercept the blow before it was too late.  
  
Fortunately, it became a moot point, as a knarled staff shot through the air towards the bonbori, pushing it off course and to the outside of Akane's head. After the staff impacted with the other weapon, it ricocheted into the air, to be intercepted by a blur that ran off out of sight. Finding nothing to slow the force, Shampoo yelped as she came off balance, falling on top of the Tendou girl, and bringing them both onto the ground.  
  
"I knew you'd warm up eventually," purred Akane as she stroked the other girl's hair. Before Shampoo could respond negatively, she felt a piece of paper land on her head. Her wrath momentarily forgotten, the Amazon pulled the piece of paper and found that it was a note, addressed to her in Mandarin. After quickly scanning it, Shampoo went pale.  
  
"Shampoo come back later..." With that, she quickly bounded off in the direction the previous blur traveled to.  
  
"Shampoo's such a tease," stated Akane with a sigh, "Oh well, all's not lost, where did Yuka go?" __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"*Sigh*, Shampoo, what do you think you were doing?" asked Cologne as she sat on a roof, smoking her pipe.  
  
"Elder, she embarrassed me in front of her whole tribe! Only my husband may kiss me!" furiously answered Shampoo in Mandarin.  
  
Cologne squawked with laughter before replying, "She wanted to do much more than just kiss you, grand daughter, and speak Japanese, it's good practice."  
  
Shampoo blinked at what was implied, "Great Grandmother, what you mean?"  
  
The old woman took another slow drag of her pipe, "I'm certainly not gonna explain it to you at this time. But as I was asking, what do you think you were trying to do, harming your wife?"  
  
Shampoo hunched over sullenly, "Shampoo no want weak girl for wife, Shampoo no want WIFE!"  
  
"Well, you only brought this upon yourself," answered Cologne gravely, "Your arrogance allowed you to drop your guard. If she had been wanting to kill you, she may have succeeded." Shampoo could only nod remorsefully as she was admonished.  
  
"Now, since you have announced your return, I think it's only fair that the boy and girl get to meet their Mother-in-Law," Cologne chuckled at the prospect. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Despite not being able to find Yuka, Akane was in high spirits, totally opposite to her pigtailed compatriot. Otoku-Ranma's mood didn't go unnoticed either.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Akane asked, her voice all bells and sweetness.  
  
Ranma turned a glare towards her before responding, "S' noth'n, alright? Just leave me alone."  
  
Akane skipped in front of Ranma, halting both their progresses, "We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's got you so down."  
  
"It's nothing a pervert like you would understand," Ranma growled, before stepping around the girl to continue. Akane stood where she was, absorbing what Ranma just called her.  
  
"Hey, now just one minute!" Akane shouted as she turned to face the retreating boy, "Just who are you calling 'pervert'?" The pot wasn't any blacker than the kettle.  
  
"You, pervert," Ranma snapped back, "Kissing Shampoo in front of the whole school like that, don't you have any shame?"  
  
"You're the one that told me shame gets in the way of desire," Akane replied dryly, "Your female side wouldn't have a problem with it."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Ranma responded, before lifting a pail of water over his head, "guess again." With that, the redhead bounded for the rooftops.  
  
"Ranma..."  
  
From a nearby roof, Shampoo watched events unfold. As much as she disliked it, until she found a way out of this predicament, the weak girl, er, Akane was her wife by Amazon law, though Shampoo didn't understand why a girl would want to have a wife in the first place. The point of a husband was to take care of the home, what was a wife supposed to do?  
  
Shampoo landed in front of Akane, and noticed the girl wasn't paying attention to her or maybe did not notice her. Akane had her head bowed down, moist droplets falling from her face. With a gulp and a firmed resolve, Shampoo made herself known.  
  
"Why weak girl cry?"  
  
Akane looked up at the Amazon a bit surprised. Once she realized how she looked, the Tendou girl hastefully wiped the tears from her eyes, "Nothing, I... I'm okay, really. Don't worry about it."  
  
"Airen say you not strong? Shampoo straighten Husband out when we go back to village," Shampoo stated proudly, making a show of her strength in hopes of cheering the other girl up.  
  
"No, it's nothing like that," Akane looked at Shampoo with a smile of gratitude. Shampoo took a step back and blinked at the warming smile the other girl was giving her; It wasn't the same one that the girl gave Shampoo before which made the Amazon feel... naked.  
  
"Shampoo, um, why are you here anyhow? I thought you would be at least after Ranma-sama."  
  
Shampoo grimaced at the name Akane gave their co-husband; if she was going to bring this weak girl into the tribe, first thing she would have to do is break this submissive streak in her and make her a proud Amazon woman. Next would be of course to make her not so weak.  
  
Shampoo turned away, slightly flustered, before turning back to Akane, "Because... Shampoo have important talking with wife..."  
  
Akane blinked. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Onna-Ranma ran from rooftop to rooftop without a general destination.  
  
"How dare she," the redhead thought to herself, "Akane belongs to me, and ME only!" Through her self-musings, she failed to notice a short figure tailing her until it was almost too late.  
  
Ranma's sixth sense kicked in, causing her to jump up into the air, barely avoiding the head of a staff that powdered the shingle she was standing on. Turning in mid air, the redhead's instincts guided her as she parried each and every thrust of wood at her. Ranma landed on the roof, facing an ancient woman, who landed herself balanced a top a staff  
  
"Not bad, son-in-law, not too shabby at all."  
  
"Oh, how cute!" Ranma proclaimed as she eyed the unusual woman. Cologne's eyes narrowed as she realized what was going through the young girl's mind.  
  
"Don't EVEN think it!" the elder shot out, "I'm much too old for games like that anyway."  
  
"I bet I can make you feel a thousand years livelier," the pigtailed girl challenged.  
  
"Uh..." Cologne inconspicuously hopped back a few steps to get a bit of distance, "Anyhow, I just wanted to meet my future Son-in-law."  
  
"Do I look like anyone's son to you?" Ranma asked casually.  
  
Cologne chuckled, "At the moment, no, but I am well aware of your curse. Took me a bit of time to explain it to my Grand Daughter. I have to say you really managed to confuse the poor girl."  
  
"And your daughter would be..." Ranma asked, now a bit weary of the old woman.  
  
"Your wife, or owner, depending, Shampoo. Oh look at the time!" Cologne made a show of looking at an invisible watch on her wrist, "I best be going. We'll have plenty of time to talk later." Cologne bounded off before Ranma could even begin to give chase. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Excuse me, um, wife?" Akane asked, suddenly hoarse.  
  
"Yes, you Shampoo wife. We now go get Airen and go to village."  
  
"But... bu-but...'wife'?"  
  
Shampoo sighed, "Yes, you wife, Great-Grandmother say so."  
  
"What does your Grandmother have to do with this?" Akane yelled, finally being able to focus on something.  
  
"Great Grandmother elder of village, she say is law."  
  
"We don't have any laws that allow that!" Akane fumed.  
  
"No Japanese law, is village law."  
  
Akane rubbed her temples to assist in reducing her building headache, "Look, why don't we go back to my home and we can discuss this." An idea came to Akane, "We can talk about this in the tub, I could use a nice soak right about now."  
  
"Is okay, we pack Weak Girl things after bath and go to village with husband."  
  
Akane knew that this was going to be a *very* long bath.... __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne sat on a roof, watching the horizon as she waited for someone; unnoticing the figure approaching her stealthfully.  
  
"So this is where ya been hiding out at."  
  
Cologne closed her eyes in amusement; it was about time she had shown up. Without even turning around, replied, "Well done, Son-in-law. There are few that can sneak up on me."  
  
"Yeah, well it comes in handy at times," Ranma replied, licking her lips, "so, what to do with you?"  
  
"First thing you're gonna do, is learn to show some respect," quipped Cologne, turning around and tapping Ranma in a spot at the bottom of the sternum.  
  
Onna-Ranma stepped back, feeling a tingle pass through her, "Wha-what was that?"  
  
"The way I see it, child, you have two options," Cologne stated, holding two fingers up, "You can either become my Great Granddaughter's husband, and return to China, or you can return to China as my daughter's domestic slave."  
  
"And why would I wanna do either of those?" asked Ranma wearily.  
  
"That was the Cat's Tongue pressure point. Now your body has become extremely sensitive to temperature, making even the most tepid water seem scalding. With that, you won't be able to change back to a male."  
  
Ranma-chan suddenly became teary eyed, then dropped to her knees, "How, how could I ever repay you for such kindness?"  
  
Cologne blinked, pot on the defensive by the display before her, "What are you babbling about, child?"  
  
"This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me! I'm not gonna return with ya to China though, but I can give your Great Granddaughter my thanks," Ranma grinned lecherously.  
  
"You're not making any sense, fool!" Cologne was now becoming agitated; this wasn't exactly the attitude she was expecting.  
  
"I'm... never gonna be a virgin again, never gonna be a virgin again. Neeverrr gonna be a virgin again! Never gonna be a virgin again!" Ranma suddenly broke out into dance.  
  
The Elder didn't understand, this was the first she had ever encountered someone touched by the springs of Jusenkyo to *not* want to change back to their rightful form. After a quick ponder, Ranma's rantings gave her another idea.  
  
Ranma turned to face her, and bowed deeply, then stood upright. Once she was fully upright, Cologne struck again, this time an inch below the bellybutton and off to the left.  
  
"Hey! You turned it off!" Ranma-chan pouted.  
  
"I did nothing of the sort. Let's say I'm giving you some added incentive to come to a decision about my Granddaughter. Don't dally on it now!" Cologne jumped off the roof, cackling in triumph, leaving Ranma to wonder what just happened. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan returned back to the dojo, and went straight for Akane's room. The youngest Tendou sister had her head on her desk, grumbling, while Shampoo inspected her host's room to find what was necessary to take with them.   
  
Shampoo first noticed Ranma, "Airen back? You speak with Great Grandmother?" Ranma nodded in affirmation, inconspicuously locking the door behind her as a grin appeared on her face.  
  
"Is good! Shampoo go now!" Before Ranma or Akane could get in a word, the girl was out through the window.  
  
"Damn, didn't you even try to butter her up first?" Ranma reprimanded Akane.  
  
"I couldn't even convince her that I wasn't her wife," Akane said tiredly.  
  
Onna-Ranma raised an eyebrow at that one, then recalled earlier that day when Akane gave the Amazon a rather steamy kiss. The redhead's attitude changed at the recollection, "Well, you acted like you sure as hell wouldn't have minded," with that, Ranma turned to unlock the door. Maybe she should go find Nabiki for the night.  
  
Before she could open the door completely, a hand closed it, "Ranma-sama, I-I'm sorry, for whatever I did that upset you."  
  
Ranma turned and looked at the raven-haired girl a bit menacingly, "Do you even know what you're saying you're sorry for?"  
  
"Something like this?" Akane reached out and kissed the other girl on the lips gently, earning a sigh from the shorter girl, "well, I guess it wasn't that big a deal..."  
  
Akane smiled as she led her partner back to her bed. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Three hours later...  
  
"ONE MORE TIME!" Ranma-chan screamed, her eyes wild.  
  
Akane rolled over, totally exhausted, "I ca hary hoove hi hongue now," the girl whined.  
  
"But I haven't... not even once..." Onna-Ranma babbled, then it hit her, "That second pressure point..." she thought to herself... __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne sat in the room they were renting for the time being, when she heard the scream from the distance.   
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL GET YOU, YOU OLD GHOUL!!!!!"  
  
With a smile, Cologne turned off the light and decided to turn in, singing herself a lullaby.  
  
"I can't get no... sa-tis-fac-tion..." 


	17. Minor Fustration

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"OLD GHOUL!!!!!!" Ranma-chan bounded from rooftop to rooftop late the following morning. The rest of the night spent trying to rectify her state of duress. It was becoming infuriating for her to come close to peak, and not be able to reach that final crescendo. What was worse is it took almost a whole HOUR to come down.  
  
"YOU OLD DRIED UP CUNT, GET OUT HERE SO I CAN SHOVE MY HAND SO FAR UP YOU I CAN PULL YOUR TONSILS DOWN THROUGH YOUR THROAT!!!!"  
  
"How expressive you are, Daughter-in-law," an enraged Ranma turned to face the old woman, calmly balanced oh her staff with a bemused expression on her face, "Possibly was that something quoted from Byron?"  
  
"DIE!" Ranma wasn't in the mood for small talk at the moment.  
  
Cologne effortlessly leapt over the strike that shattered tiles on the roof, and when Ranma jumped to intercept the old woman, she received a cane on the noggin for her troubles.  
  
"Don't teach grandma to suck eggs, little girl!"  
  
"I'll teach you to suck something alright," growled the redhead as she got back to her feet and renewed her attack, only to have the Elder calmly tap her away with her staff, sending her flying off the roof. Cologne landed calmly next to Onna-Ranma, looking upon the girl with an innocent expression.  
  
"Is this how you respect your elders?" Cologne commented, blinking guilelessly a few times, "Really, Daughter-in-law, you seem a bit tense. Been able to relax lately?"  
  
"DIE!" Maybe Ranma just wasn't really a morning person.  
  
Cologne fought down a chuckle as she easily defended off the girl's attacks, casually gauging her speed for future reference before she got bored and sent the redhead crashing into a light pole, "You're a hundred years too soon to take the likes of me. Now if you would just be rational for a few moments... You really should wind down, I hear masturbation is a good way for teenagers to release stress."  
  
"DIE!" Ranma's vocabulary was a bit limited that morning.  
  
"Oh dear, was it something I said?" Cologne asked as she defended herself from the over-homicidal girl. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma returned an hour later (the fight having had ended 5 minutes prior, but took him that long to regain consciousness and return), more than slightly battered, and just slightly more agitated, "Damn old Ghoul, she's gonna pay though the udder for this one."  
  
"I take it you weren't able to over*come* your problem?" Ranma stopped tightly at the barb from Nabiki, and turned towards the girl's nasty grin.  
  
"I'm not in the mood right now Nabiki," Ranma replied, too agitated to even come up with a proper punishment.  
  
"Oh, I guess you're just too tired from your *climactic* battle. Must have looked a *little death* right in the eyes. Such a thing would be *earthshaking* to me."  
  
Nabiki burst into hysterics while the redhead started seething with rage, "I'll be back for you later..." Ranma started for the source of where the middle Tendou daughter could have gotten her info, "Akaaaaaaaaaannnnneeeeeeeeeeee......."  
  
"I'n harry Ranna-hanna, they hananded to know hy he her hizzy all night," Akane said as she answered the beck and call of her partner; her tongue still feeling a little strained from previous activities. Ranma groaned, deciding that a risk on the Sybian saddle would be well worth the hour's agitation if she couldn't get off.  
  
"Hey Ranma, I'm sorry," Onna-Ranma stopped her ascent upstairs, surprised by the apology from Nabiki, "I shouldn't have orgasmed, er, antagonized you like that," Nabiki didn't even bother to stop her new fit of hysterics.  
  
Ranma turned around with a half lidded glare at the middle Tendou sister, "Nabiki, how would you like to make some money?" __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Nabiki screamed for the umpteenth time. She wouldn't have been able to stand from the exertion she was feeling, but fortunately the tree she was tied to.... butt nekked... helped support her.  
  
"Ranna-sanna, we haf eigh nore huys hoo wath you now hu hawn," Akane said, collecting their admission fee and handing them tickets. The eight newcomers took their seats among the growing crowd of boys who had also paid to watch the show, which wasn't exactly the redhead mowing the grass.  
  
"I... will... guh-HUH!... get you... for... *gasp*... thisssssssss RANMAAAAAAA!!!!" Ranma smiled, not paying attention to the ranting and heavily bucking girl fastened to the tree. Ranma's day was starting to look up.  
  
"It was nice of your Son to volunteer to mow the lawn for me, eh, Saotome?" Soun asked, thankful that he could be lazy this day. The panda agreed as he moved another game piece and sipped on his lemonade.  
  
"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!" __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
After months of trailing his true love, the wooden cigar Indian set itself by the door and knocked. After traveling high and far to be with his love, surely the focus of his complete affection will see how much he loved her, and return that love. Impatiently, the statue knocked again.  
  
"Hello, can I help you, hello?" asked a little blond haired girl who answered the door politely. The little girl looked around curiously to see who it was that was bothering them right then. The Indian statue looked at the girl curiously.  
  
"Who are *you*?" The statue asked in a cutesy yet curt voice. The little girl, possibly no more than ten years old, looked up in surprise at the talking statue.  
  
"Um, Suzzzzy," Stated the girl coyly, nervous from the inspection from the large piece of Americana, but managed to gain her bearings to be polite, "how do you do?"  
  
The statue's face turned sour as it watched the girl curtsy for it, "Where's Ukyo? And what are *you* doing here?"  
  
Lil' Suzy blinked at the frankness of the statue, but replied nicely nonetheless, "Uuuuhhhh, she's fixing things right now, and I'm Ukyo's girlfriend," the last part was a bit of an imbellishment. Apparently the statue didn't like that last part.  
  
Bending down close to the little girl, the statue gave the girl a thorough once over before speaking, "You're butt.... ugly..."  
  
Lil' Suzy's left eye ticked.... __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Order of ginger broth ramen up," Announced Cologne. Her grand daughter bounded over to retrieve the order for delivery, stopping for a bit of small talk.  
  
"Great-Grandmother, why we open ramen shop? We take husband and wife back to China soon, yes?"  
  
Both paused at the loud bang from not too far in the distance, then shrugged it off as inconsequential.  
  
"It's not going to be that cut and dry, Shampoo," addressed the wizened woman, "your spouses will most assuredly be stubborn to the end. So it'll be best if we settled down for a bit. But in the mean time, I guess it's best to dangle a carrot in front of Son-in-law's face." Cologne finished a few more orders, and bounded off to find the redhead girl. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Suzy lowered her Jericho 941 'Uzi Eagle' with the barrel exchanged for the 10mm, and watched the statue fly several feet backwards with an idiotic expression on it's face before closing the door. "Shame they discontinued these babies," stated the girl after kissing the barrel.  
  
"Who was at the door?" enquired Ukyo as he carried another box upstairs. The young girl yelped as she quickly hid the gun behind her back.  
  
"It was a pervert meanie Native American cigar statue!" described the girl hotly, Ukyo blinked at that.  
  
"And what was that loud bang?"  
  
The girl fidgeted before answering, and not looking into Ukyo's eyes, "Thunder." Ukyo turned towards the window and looked out at the vibrant and sunny day.  
  
"I guess," Ukyo said as he shrugged it off, "Come on and help me unpack, sugar. The sooner we get this done and get the rest of the stuff from back home, the sooner I can start trying to get yours and my revenge again." The little girl clapped with glee, Ukyo called her 'sugar' again. Surely that meant the handsome boy's love for her.   
  
"You know? Even if you are ten years old, you seem to act much younger than that..." Ukyo mused __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne walked up while Akane and Ranma were counting the money they earned, Nabiki untied, though with a dazed expression and slumped against the tree in all her glory with a bit of drool escaping from the corner of her mouth.  
  
"I don't even want to know," Cologne said to herself, but managed to gain the attention of the two non-catatonic girls. Akane stepped back while Ranma's battle aura flared to life as she prepared herself to attack.  
  
"Relax, Daughter-in-Law if you want to know the cure for your 'plumbing' problem I mean."  
  
"Fix... it... now," the redhead growled, barely able to control herself, only the smell of fresh cut grass (being a reminder of vengeance) kept her refrained.  
  
Cologne removed a pendant from her neck, "This container holds a phoenix pill that will allow you to tolerate hot water to turn back into a male."  
  
"I don't CARE about that! Fix THIS NOW!" shouted the girl, pointing obscenely to her crotch.  
  
"I was about to get to that, you youngsters have no patience these days. I swear it's all coming and going for you." Ranma knew that there was a barb hidden in that, "Anyhow, as I was about to say, once you're able to change back into a male, the Venus's bane pressure point will be undone."  
  
"Damn, I knew there was gonna be a catch," grumbled the redhead, "Alright, if I gotta change to the virgin first, it will be worth it. Now gimme the pill!"  
  
"Nu uh uh!" replied the elderly lady, "I'm afraid you'll have to take this from me first."  
  
"GOOD AS DONE!" Onna-Ranma dove after the old Amazon, her hand outstretched to recover the container. Cologne merely hopped over the girl, earning Ranma a mouthful of freshly cut grass.  
  
Cologne landed softly on the redhead's back with a bemused expression, "Surely you can do better than that! You're going up against three thousand years of Amazon history, it's gonna take more than that to get the best of me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some flyers to pass out." With that, the Amazon bounded for the rooftops.  
  
Ranma sputtered as she pulled herself to standing, "Mark my words, I'll get that pill from you yet, old Ghoul!" Ranma raised her fist to her face in pledge, and then blinked as a piece of paper landed on it, "What's this?" __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"HEY, OLD GHOUL!" Ranma declared as she walked into the Cat Cafe, "Has this position been filled?"  
  
Cologne grinned at the redhead before replying, "If you want it, it's yours." The girl was just waaaaaaaayyyyyyy too easy to manipulate.  
  
"Uh, well, um, good then," Ranma replied, satisfied her demands were met, "So when do I start?"  
  
"How does right now sound?" Cologne suddenly became a blur as she raced at the redhead. Ranma just as quickly went into defensive stance, not that it would have saved her. The pigtailed girl felt a slight breeze, and looked down to find herself in a pink outfit with a bell pattern on it.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma-chan replied dumbly.  
  
"Don't dally now, dinner shift will be here any minute now," Cologne hopped to the register to prepare.  
  
"Now WAIT A MINUTE! I..." Ranma found herself face down in the carpet as she was trampled by the dinner rush customers.  
  
"You don't have time for rug munching, now get to work and take some orders," Cologne commanded as she went back into the kitchen. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"So, Ranma's got a job now?" Nabiki more stated than asked her younger sister, doing a decent job of hiding her consistent shuddering that she knew from experience wouldn't leave her till late that night; barring any potential aggravation to her condition of course.  
  
"Yes, Ranma-sama thought it would be a good idea to get close enough to get the phoenix pill away from Shampoo's Grandmother."  
  
"Well, well, this I gotta go see." Nabiki put her pants on and decided that she was in the mood for ramen. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Order up!" Cologne stated as she rung the bell.  
  
"Got it," replied the redhead, "And I think I'll take that pill while I'm at it!"  
  
Ranma's hand darted past the bowl for the large locket around Cologne's neck. With an expression that seemed almost oblivious to the girl's attempts, Cologne parried each attempt while maneuvering the girl into keeping the bowl suspended, "You spill it, it comes out of your pay." The crowd looked on, impressed, as Cologne finally got tired of the ordeal and tossed up a few more orders for Ranma to catch.  
  
"I'll get you for this you old Ghoul," Ranma promised with her mouth holding a pair of chopsticks that were holding up a bowl of ramen.  
  
"Wow, place is pretty jumping," stated Nabiki as she walked in to take a seat, and then began to make herself thoroughly noticed.  
  
"Customer on table six," announced Cologne, "Stop trying to ignore her, daughter-in-law."  
  
"Hello, Nabiki, what can I get for you tonight?" Ranma asked with a saccharine sweetness that carried many applications if the redhead were irritated.  
  
None of them were lost on the middle Tendou sister, she just didn't care, "Well, how about a menu, toots?" The girl asked, non-discreetly scooting closer to the redhead so she could drag her hand along the waitress's inner thigh.  
  
Ranma gritted her teeth as she pulled out a menu and shoved it towards the girl before walking off. Nabiki quickly skimmed through the menu and sapped for Ranma's return before she had gotten two steps away.  
  
"What would you suggest?" Nabiki enquired, grabbing onto Ranma's hand and massaging it.  
  
"The ramen," Ranma stated flatly, trying to ignore what the other girl was trying to do.  
  
Nabiki pouted slightly, though on the inside she was roaring with laughter, "Well then, sweet cheeks, go get me some ramen!" The Tendou girl sent her waitress on her way with a firm slap on the butt, right near the juncture between her legs. Ranma decided a little payback was in order as she tucked her bottom lip under her top teeth and started to hum. Nabiki's eyes widened at the sound, and started to look around nervously to see if anyone had started to notice her gyrate her hips.   
  
Ranma began to hum louder, before a pair of chopsticks ran into her forehead, "Quit sexually stimulating the customers, and get back to work!" Cologne admonished, and then turned back to her cooking. Ranma sighed as she silently plotted her revenge for later.  
  
"One 'ramen' coming up," with that, the pigtailed girl turned back to the old woman, once again making an attempt for the phoenix pill. Nabiki watched as the two dueled under seemingly floating bowls of ramen, inwardly smiling at her small and possibly temporary victory __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma returned that night, thoroughly exhausted, with Nabiki trailing behind her cheerfully.  
  
"Oh, welcome home, Nabiki, and who's your friend?" Kasumi asked as she opened the door.  
  
"Ranma... live here," the redhead croaked out, before she began her energy lacking gait towards the couch and unceremoniously flopped herself onto it.  
  
"Oh, that's nice then, I'll set up the guest room for you since Uncle Saotome is staying in father's room." Kasumi walked of to set up the guest room for the girl.  
  
Nabiki blinked at the scene, then shrugged and walked in to see her younger sister tending to their guest. For a split second, Nabiki felt a twinge of guilt, and then took out heartburn medicine to relieve her of the feeling.  
  
"Get.. pill," Onna-Ranma mumbled half asleep against Akane. __________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"We do good business, yes, Great Grandmother?" Shampoo asked with bubbly exuberance.  
  
"Quite, not only that, son-in-law is coming along well. I didn't expect him to be this far along so soon." Cologne took a puff from her pipe, "I think I'll begin the next step in his training tomorrow."  
  
"Oh! Shampoo happy husband learning too too fast. Sooner he learn, sooner we bring husband back to China!"  
  
"Aren't you forgetting your wife?" Cologne asked, casting a sideways glance to her heir.  
  
"Oh... yeah... and wife," Shampoo repeated with a slight pout, "Shampoo no understand. Why Shampoo need wife?"  
  
Cologne chuckled a bit, and thought a bit of teasing of her Great Granddaughter was in order, "Well, Shampoo, three is much more fun than two."  
  
The girl stared blankly at her elder, "Shampoo no understand."  
  
"Well the Tendou girl seems to have the hots for you, don't plan on getting a lot of sleep while married to those two."  
  
Shampoo still had a guileless expression on her face, "Husband and wife snore?"  
  
Now it was Cologne's turn to look confused, before slapping her forehead and realizing one aspect of the young girl's training that the elder had neglected, "*Sigh*, Shampoo, I think it is time we had the 'talk'?"  
  
"We talking now?" Shampoo asked curiously. Cologne began to explain to the young Amazon the facts of life. 


	18. Great Roasting Chestnuts! Oh They're so ...

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
Cologne watched her Granddaughter stiffly go through setting up the restaurant for the day, and shook her head. The Elder decided that her heir had remained too ignorant of certain facts of life, her martial arts training consuming all other aspects, and not leaving much room for other concepts. Occasionally, Shampoo would pause and scan the area, like a hunter would for any sign of dangerous wild life, then she would return to whatever task she was at, though keeping most of her attention on her surroundings.  
  
Cologne had taken three hours to explain things; first it was the standard euphemisms that are generally used to cushion the blow (usually for parents), but Shampoo's blank and unwavering stare forced the Elder to be a bit more blunt...  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"IS IT THAT HARD TO COMPREHEND!" screamed Cologne, "THE MALE TAKES HIS DICK AND STICKS IT IN THE BIGGER OF THE TWO HOLES AND REPEATS UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH REALLY REALLY HAPPY!!! YOU GET IT NOW? DO I NEED TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM?!?"  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
The discussion last night hadn't gone all that well.  
  
Almost before Cologne's patience wore out, Shampoo started to grasp things. Cologne sighed in relief as she went on to explain the blessed consequences of the dirty act, telling her of the excruciating pain that every warrior is honored to feel, to bring forth a new strong child into the world to carry on their blood line. Shampoo had hung on to the old woman's every word until she was done.  
  
"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.  
  
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."  
  
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."  
  
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.  
  
No, the discussion last night hadn't all gone that well at all.  
  
Apparently, Shampoo didn't like the idea of having to be in the highest possible agony anyone could (barely) live through for a varied length of time while passing a watermelon through something the size of a plum. The lavender haired girl had spent the rest of the night awake and watching for anything (anything male, that is) like a sentinel, to ensure that she would never have to experience that type of pain.... ever. Cologne knew she'd grow out of it, eventually. One day.  
  
"Ancestors, have mercy on them," prayed Cologne, as she watched her potential Son-in-law slide down the wall into a crumbled heap. Shampoo dashed upstairs to wash herself of that *male's* touch.  
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"For the deity's sakes, Suyari, it's just going to be a slumber party! No, I'm not going to make that promise, it's not like you wouldn't enjoy it anyway! Hello? Hello?" Akane slammed the phone down in frustration, "Honestly, you try to arrange a mass orgy, and everyone gets a case of the nerves..."  
  
"It sounded like Suyari flat out rejected you to me, Akane," commented Nabiki as she lazily shifted through a magazine while doing leg lifts, "Face it, you're just not as good as Ranma at these things.  
  
Akane purposely kept her eyes off her sister as much as possible, while fighting to keep her control over her anger, "Hey! I'm a harlot too! I..." Akane and Nabiki blinked at what the youngest Tendou daughter said; Akane shrugged it off and continued, "I can get just as many men and women as Ranma gets!"  
  
Nabiki stopped her exercises and walked up to her sister, "Sure you can, sis, sure you can," the middle Tendou daughter appeased as she patted Akane's head. Nabiki giggled and darted upstairs before her sister could retaliate.  
  
Any rebuke died on Akane's lips, her sister was right, she was a failure when it came to getting some without Ranma for backup. Instead of resorting to self-pity, Akane steeled her resolve. She WILL make Ranma-sama proud of her! She WILL be the one sharing with Ranma, instead of her taking Ranma's handouts. Yes, Akane Tendou, student of the Saotome Sensual School of Martial arts WILL prove herself!  
  
With that, Akane picked up the phone, and dialed another number, "Hiroshi, who is this? Oh, it's Akane, I'm in your English class. Oh, I'm not that popular! Listen, I'm having a little get together at the end of this week..."  
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"Oooh, whad' she do that for?" groaned Ranma as she picked herself up from the ground, "Ptui, damn hairs, gotta start flossing better in the morning".  
  
"My Granddaughter's on the rag," Cologne commented non-chilantly as she hopped back to the kitchen on her stick, "Get yourself straightened out now, we have the Sunday lunch rush to deal with.  
  
"Alright already, you old bat," Ranma-chan grumbled under her breath, receiving a pair of chopsticks to the head in reply.  
  
"By the way, have you taken my offer into consideration, Daughter-in-law?"  
  
"HA!" Ranma laughed, "As if I'd let her take me away and tie me down!"  
  
"Really, child, is monogamy such a bad thing," Cologne sighed.  
  
"Monogamy? Is that a board game or something?" Ranma asked innocently, then made another attempt for the locket Cologne wore around her neck. The old Amazon was impressed at the speed the redhead had gained in three short days, later on today she was going to show her the next step.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane slammed the phone onto the hook in frustration. It seemed that no one was available for her little get together; she would almost swear that they all were afraid of sex or something. A small sigh escaped, before she firmed herself. It wouldn't do for Ranma's prize student to give up like this. She had to be persistent, like Ranma-sama. Perhaps starting small would give her a boost in confidence.  
  
"I feel like ramen for lunch..."  
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"Shampoo, order up," Cologne announced after handing the girl the meal and the addresses. The purple haired girl gave her redheaded 'husband' wide birth as she rushed out the door.  
  
"She sure is acting weird," Ranma stated, then turned back to gaining her customer's order, and making them feel appreciated for patronizing the Cat Cafe.  
  
"Now, honey, if the nice waitress wants to sit on your lap, I don't see the harm in it."  
  
Cologne admitted to herself that it seemed to work.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Shampoo paused outside the door of the Tendou household after knocking to make herself look presentful. It wouldn't do for an Amazon to look weak before her in-laws.  
  
Kasumi answered the door with a polite smile, "Oh, hello, Shampoo, Akane's been very anxious to meet you today."  
  
"Wife make order?" Shampoo inquired out loud. Kasumi blinked at the question, then nodded in affirmation.  
  
"If you mean Akane, I believe she did, let me take this into the dining room while you go upstairs to meet her." Shampoo's face contorted into a cute little puzzled expression as she walked upstairs, and then knocked on the youngest Tendou's room.  
  
"Come in," said the voice from the other side of the door. Shampoo obeyed and strolled in, not paying attention to her host.  
  
"Would you be a dear and close the door?" Akane asked. Shampoo closed the door, then looked up at Akane. The other girl was dressed only in cotton panties and a lace bra, stretched out across her bed in what she presumed was a seductive pose, "It's way too hot to have to wear all that clothing." Akane emphasized her nakedness by turning on her bed towards the Amazon, scrunching her rather... humble endowments before the lavender haired girl.  
  
"Why Wife not turn on fan?" Shampoo asked as she pointed to the desktop fan in Akane's room.  
  
Akane chuckled, "Shampoo... chan, that doesn't matter at the moment," Akane patted the spot beside her on the bed, "why don't you sit down for a bit, making all those deliveries must be tiring."  
  
"Shampoo is strong Amazon, no tired from delivery. Why you want see Shampoo? Wife want go China now?"  
  
"Nothing like that, I just wanted..." Akane attempted to stride sensuously up to the Amazon, "your company, that's all."  
  
Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and repeated herself, "Why you want see Shampoo?"  
  
Akane nudged Shampoo's ear with her nose, then trailed down to the other girl's collar, "We don't need to talk anymore, Shampoo..."  
  
Shampoo took a step back away from Akane, "Shampoo know what Akane want."  
  
"I hope you do," replied the raven-haired girl with an irritated expression.  
  
"Great Grandmother tell Shampoo everything! Akane want to plunge sword into Shampoo sheath until we both too too happy!"  
  
"Huh?" Akane asked intelligently.  
  
"You make Shampoo feel too too much pain! Is YOU FAULT!" Shampoo pulled out a butterfly sword and a bonbori. Now it was Akane's turn to take a step back.  
  
"Really, Shampoo, it may hurt for a second, but after that it..." Akane started to stammer nervously, only to be cut off by her guest.  
  
"SHAMPOO KIL... ER, EVASCERATE!"  
  
"HEY!!!!" Akane screamed, ducking under the sword swipe  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne looked at the clock in aggravation as she was dueling with Ranma once again for the Phoenix pill, "What's keeping her so long, she should had been back a half an hour ago."  
  
Ranma shrugged best she could as she was attempting to trade blows with the old woman, "Beats me."  
  
Cologne hid it well, but she was genuinely impressed with the progress Ranma had made. Since yesterday, the speed they had been dueling at had roughly doubled, and she could feel the redhead gaining more with each passing moment. After looking around and finding no customers in the restaurant, Cologne broke off the contest herself as she hopped away onto a stool.  
  
"So, I'm start'n to get the better of you, Old Ghoul," Ranma stated haughtily, making her a ripe target for a head caning.  
  
"Impetuous, come with me out back where I have something to show you."  
  
"It's about time," the pigtailed girl grinned, rubbing her hands together in anticipation, which got her another smack to the head.  
  
"Get your mind out of the gutter, child!"  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"So we're roasting marshmallows?" inquired Ranma, a bit disheartened, "I was hoping for a strip tease." Cologne herself shuddered at that one, and put it past her.  
  
"Here's a bag of sweet chestnuts," the old Amazon opened the bag and placed the nuts into the fire, "Now watch closely..."  
  
Cologne focused on the fire for a few seconds, and then raised her hands into the air. Ranma watched in awe as the elder's hands became almost invisible as she reached into the fire, and after a split second, each hand held a handful of roasted nuts.  
  
"That, Daughter-in-law, was the Chestnuts roasting on an open fire technique, if you can master this, taking the phoenix pill from me will be...."  
  
"AKANE NO STICK GAME CARTRIDGE IN SHAMPOO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM!!!!"  
  
Both Ranma and Cologne blinked, then turned to see an indecently clothed Akane Tendou race into the back, with a furious Shampoo chasing her with a look of righteous anger on her face. The redhead and the elder then watched the race around the corner into the side alley.  
  
"RANMA, HELLLLLLP!!!!!" The raven-haired girl screamed as she kept her pace, and in effect, whatever organs, real or imagined by Shampoo, between her legs.  
  
"Shampoo, what have I told you about attempted homicide on your wife?" Cologne hopped onto her staff and followed after the pair. Ranma turned back to the fire, determined.  
  
"Well, if that old bat can do it...." she told herself as she dumped a bag of chestnuts into the fire.  
  
"Shampoo no attempt, Shampoo try succeed!"  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Too hot..." Ranma groaned as she held her hands as close as she dare to the fire.  
  
"Well, you know what they say, Saotome, try and try again," Nabiki stated, avidly munching her popcorn as she watched the redhead's self-punition.  
  
Akane walked into the yard, wearing a robe that was graciously loaned to her by Cologne, stating it was unbecoming for a wife of an Amazon to be running around almost naked like a hussy, "That didn't go as planned, Ranma-sama, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm never going to get this technique," whined Ranma, as she stuck her sore hands into the fishpond.  
  
"Oh, how disgraced I am, my only son whining like a GIRRRORF!!!!" Genma proclaimed, before suddenly finding himself transformed, hog tied, and muzzled.  
  
"I'll save you for later," promised the redhead as she yanked the end of the rope to make sure she had the giant raccoon secure.  
  
"Having difficulty, are we, Daughter-in-law?" a wizened voice asked.  
  
"Old Ghoul, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Why, I came to see your progress in the Chestnut Fist," Cologne stated honestly.  
  
"Hmph, the only progress Ranma's made is in scorching her fingers," Nabiki quipped, trying to add to the redhead's misery.  
  
Cologne stepped up to the fire and set her cane down, "I shall only show you this once more, so pay attention..." the old Amazon's hands raced into the fire, snagging all the nuts, much to everyone but Ranma's surprise.  
  
"That was amazing," Kasumi commented as she took the nuts from the old woman.  
  
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few errands to run." With that, Cologne took off.  
  
Ranma groaned in misery, a life of abstinence flashing before her eyes, "It's just not fair."  
  
"You know what I do whenever I'm feeling blue?" asked Soun.  
  
"Masturbate until you're numb?" Ranma asked curiously.  
  
"Er, no. The fair, the FAIR I say! Get some squid on a stick, play a few..."  
  
Ranma looked unamused at the rant that Mr. Tendou went into, "'Kane, wanna go to the movies tonight?"  
  
The Tendou patriarch stopped his triad, then began to cry, "MY SON-IN-LAW DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME!"  
  
"Don't worry Dad," Nabiki said as she patted her dad on the back to soothe him, "none of us do."  
  
"Well, that makes everything better then," Soun stated, clearing the tears away instantly.  
  
"Sure, Ranma-sama. Sounds great!"  
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"I dunno, Ranma-sama, the plot just seems too derived. Carrera's acting seems so forced," Akane complained, fidgeting in her seat as they watched the wide screen.  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but the camera was done nicely, catching the views with an artistic panache."  
  
"Well, they'd have to, seeing as how they've only done missionary and doggy-style positions through out the whole film."  
  
Ranma conceded the point to her partner, but found herself watching the screen with a genuine smile.  
  
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Ranma-sama" Akane thought as she watched the other girl, who seemed to be paying rapt attention to the screen. Because of that, Akane missed Ranma's hand until it was too late.  
  
"HEY!" the raven-haired girl screamed, as the redhead's hand sneaked under her skirt, "We're going to get caught!"  
  
" You seemed like you weren't enjoying the film, so I'll entertain you. Besides; you weren't too worried about that at the ice-cream parlor," idly commented Ranma, "or the Zoo for that matter, or the old folks home..."  
  
"But, mmmm, but..." Akane's protests melted on her lips. Ranma was content on taking her time, but noticed one of the theater employee's flashlight heading towards them.  
  
"Damn," mumbled Ranma as she started to retract her hand, "we better get out of here before we get caught."  
  
Akane quickly caught the other girl's hand, "Oh no, Ranma-sama, you started this, now you finish it!"  
  
"But they're heading right this... okay, we'll just have to do this fast, I guess." Ranma relented, before something clicked in her mind.  
  
"Wait, if I can move fast enough in the seconds before they find us... could I possibly use the chestnut fist?" Ranma took a deep breath after inward contemplation, "Hold on tight Akane..."  
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At the fair, a little boy cried because he couldn't win any goldfish. Oh well, shit happens.  
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Aftertesting the technique on Akane in several public places, and various other women who were only aware of the sudden orgasm they experienced, the previous night, Ranma barged into the restaurant, "Okay, Old Ghoul, this is where I get that locket!"  
  
"So I presumed you mastered the chestnut fist? Well if you think you can take it from me..." Cologne rushed out of the main room and towards the cellar door, Ranma-chan following close behind her. Suddenly the stairs turned into a slide that caught the redhead off-guard, and she slid down to the bottom to land on a thick shag carpet.  
  
"Huh? What's this?" Ranma asked, then suddenly a dim light came on in the corner of the room. Her sight was greeted by several lovely women and some apparently shaven thirteen-year-old boys with tags tied to their arms stating 'Exported from Paraguay.' Ranma felt resolve weaken as she took a step towards the beautiful sight before her, but shook herself out of her stupor.  
  
"You think this is damn funny?" growled Ranma as she turned away from the vision that was before her, "I STILL CAN'T EVEN GET OFF BECAUSE OF YOU!!!"  
  
Cologne came out into the open, "Impressive, Daughter-in-law. And to think, even the fifth Emperor of the Zhou Dynasty could not have resisted the temptation that was presented before you," Cologne bounded off again, with Ranma giving chase. Ranma didn't notice the illusion disappear, the girls vanishing while the boys were being gathered up by a couple of men.  
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Ranma held up the locket smugly as Cologne looked upon the redhead rather proud.  
  
"Hmm, it looks like a candy drop..." replied Ranma as she popped the 'pill' into her mouth, just barely catching the confirmation that it was candy from the elder. Akane rushed to the save with a bucket of water, ignoring Shampoo's cries of not approaching the pervert that wants to stick something in another thing or rather.  
  
"You'll pay for this, you old Ghoul..." Ranma promised sinisterly, her eyes flashing crimson for but a split second. 


	19. Mousse's Love

Author's Notes:  
I kinda hoped I would never have to explain a damn thing, but I guess it's enevitable.  
  
First off, I do not intend on ever making this a lemon. Masturbation material I'm not interested in writing. I have had offers for someone to write the scenes for me, and if they can do it without making it seem overly blatant, seem like a complete fanservice filler, and doesn't detract from the initial shock value of the initial story, be my guest. I'll even post it and give credit where credit's due.  
  
This fic actually is more about skirting as many of societie's taboos as possible while still keeping somewhere in the outragious timing and humor form (arbeit completly twisted and sadistic) of the Canon, as much as I can. I did consider making this lead up to something, and had place safeguards for such a plot in the event that I decided to do so. If there seems to be less and less that's beginning to shock you... you should be very, very concerned. Not only for yourself, but for the fact that I'm just.. going.. to have to try harder... ::giggles like a maniac::  
  
No, I do NOT condone rape in any shape or fashion. I've had friends who had suffered or come close to being attack in this manner (and that's what it is, an attack), and had also intervined in a couple of instances. It's about as tolerable as spouse abuse (As many people choose to strictly see Ranma and Akane's relationship), instigating fights in public places while weilding dangerous objects or techniques recklessly, extortion, death threats, or any of the many things that are found in Ranma, if placed in reality, funny. To consider my opinion on this a double standard would be hypocritical. "Let he who be without sin cast the first stone" and all that for even gaining a chuckle out of the above mentioned.  
  
And I hadn't made male Ranma a 'wuss', or at least not any more than he had ever been in the canon. In this fic, Ranma handles his girlside in the same fashion he handles everything that gets out of control in his life, by stalling it or ignoring it. Face it, for someone who has four fiancees and even more people hanging ongoing death threats over his head, he's not exactly a 'take charge of his life' kinda guy ^_^. His female side is not a separate entity from the male Ranma, just a different perspective. Ranma doesn't understand certain things his girl side does (nor does he want to in most cases), because he lacks the comprehension. I've also shown a bit the naivity of Ranma's girl side in matters of what she enjoys, I just made her VERY creative (some will say the jump rope and drill bit joke may be going a bit far in the creativity department though, but you'll see that chapter soon enough...)  
  
No, I am NOT gay, okay? There is nothing wrong with being gay, and I have kissed A guy (I was tipsy as Hell, and It did nothing for me anyway), but it's not my thing. I am quite comfortable with my sexuality thank you very much, and no you can not have my number (unless you're over 20, female, and look extremely good, then we might talk). I reiterate; I am not gay, so please no more solicitive e-mail, folks!  
  
I had heavily considered the actions of every character and as their reasons for doing so from a heavily psychological viewpoint;  
  
Akane quite frankly is a sheltered, immature girl who feels a heavy need to live up to 'something'. Ranma gets a hold of her and she then grows up and calms down a bit (most girls who had their cherry popped tend to go this way, in fact, without any such intercourse, Akane does indeed mature in the Manga, and somewhat later in the Anime though they keep it still on the Warner Bros. slapstick level). Plus the fact that she now finds something extremely enjoyable or aesthetically comfortable, as I would surmise someone of her temperment, would cling heavily to it to the point of narrowly setting her focus on it (Inability to see P-Chan as Ryoga, Blaming Ranma for trival things in order to keep an emotional buffer zone between her and Ranma, insulting other fiancees in order to curb her own inadequacy regardless of any sympathetic feelings she may have with them, and the like). Would it be suprising if she did become a nymphomaniac?  
  
Ryoga is a textbook case of bipolar disorder. He's consistantly shifting between rage and depression, while blaming ALL his ails on one subject; Ranma Saotome. Any psychatrist would suggest a healthy dose of lithium and twenty-four hour observation until positive results, but then he wouldn't be an interesting Ranma character in a padded cell. I decided to curve it a bit, as many people with psychological problems tend to sometimes on a whim change their perspective on things. If given the right nudge, Ryoga can go from hating Ranma utterly to... well... you know.  
  
Cologne is, to me, a female version of Happosai, exept lacking the perversion. To her, much of what happens in the canon is fun and games, though if she is crossed, she'll let you know about it. And contrary to popular belief, she isn't infallible or omnicent.  
  
Shampoo, everyone assumes is some sort of master seductress. Does anyone consider the fact that she had spent most of her life feverishly pursuing martial arts to be the best in a village of warriors, while also living in said rather isolated and probably small village where sex education may be rather limited until things are explained? I'm pretty sure she's a virgin too. On the other hand, she could be acting on what limited knowlege she may have, not knowing what the consequences are (she probably did sincerely believe babies come from a stork)  
  
Nabiki is just WAYYYYY to headstrong to be submissive. Such an act as being attacked by Ranma would go against her will for control that she would completely despise Ranma. Yes, she would be the most realistic approach to being raped in this fic, if it wern't just for a little craving she picked up.  
  
I don't care how she is purveyed in the Anime or the later mangas, I prefer Kasumi how she was originally shown in the first story; she's not THAT oblivious! As many other fanfic writers have suggested, it's an act, though I say it's not much of an act. I myself will act totally oblivious to something, because it makes it easier for me to garner info and use it to my advantage later (ask any of my friends, they'll tell you I'm a bastard when it comes to manipulation, and I am exeptionally vicious when I am crossed in a signifigant way), Kasumi is somewhat like that, exept she is completely benevolent (and cute, but no Kasumi isn't an avatar for me of sorts, I have some exeptionally... some would say cruel... plans for her).  
  
Anybody else doesn't need an explanation for their actions I would think. Anyhow, I need to go finish writing Chapter 22, so enjoy this segment to the best of your ability. Any comments or critisism welcome, and I anyone who wants to discuss martial arts, philosophy, or character psycology I actually do enjoy *civilized* discussions. None of this "Akane is a total bitch that needs to die" BS or "Ranma deserves to be completely and euphorically happy" nonesense, or any subject matter in which you just can't help but become defensive about. If you can't do this without getting obsessive, I don't need to hear from ya. I look at Ranma and crew objectively and not as some hero idol or object of bane and strife. See why I don't like writing explanations? I tend to get way too damn longwinded ;p  
  
And for the last time, I am NOT GAY!!!  
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Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
"I'm tell'n ya, Akane, if I don't get this taken care of, I'm gonna burst!" Growled the redhead as she strolled down the street with Akane. A gentleman picked the wrong moment to be friendly with the pig-tailed girl; not that Ranma usually wouldn't have approved, but she wasn't in the position to be more appreciative than frustrated.  
  
"Do... you think you were a bit strong on that last punch, Ranma-sama?" Akane asked, watching the man fall through the wall, then the wall collapsing on him.  
  
"That jerk deserved it," the redhead growled, extremely irritated that now she had been aroused, and she'd have to endure the agony of waiting for herself to settle back to her normal, tolerable nymphomaniac levels of arousal.  
  
"That he did, Daughter-in-law," said an old decrepit voice, "All Japanese men are pigs! Looking to take advantage of a poor, innocent girl like yourself."  
  
"DIE!!!!" Ranma greeted Cologne in her recently usual manner, as she dove for the old woman. Cologne only laughed at the attempt as she bounded onto a floored Ranma's head.  
  
"Cheer up, little girl, I'm pretty sure that Shampoo would be more than happy to give you the satisfaction you need. Only if you either agree to be her husband so that I may give you the Phoenix pill, or her slave so I can teach her the counterpoint to the Venus's Bane pressure point. I guarantee the latter would be well worth the lifelong servitude for the potent release I'm told it packs."  
  
"SMASH OLD TROLL!" Ranma-chan bellowed, as she hefted a steamroller, and swung it at the old woman. Cologne leaped into the air, then back flipped out of the way of the hurled blunt object. As the steamroller continued into the air, a figure suddenly had appeared above it, neatly slicing the steel contraption into three parts, landing a distance from them and soaked up the 'oohs' and 'aahs' of those who witnessed his feat.  
  
After taking in his intangible accolade, the longhaired boy approached Ranma, "SHAMPOO!!!!"  
  
Ranma struggled in the embrace, her aura flaring up as she struggled, and grew more enkindled. "Let me go, so that I may kill you," the redhead stated with a complete calm in her voice.  
  
The young man in robes blinked, as he realized that was not the voice of his beloved, "Oh, I'm sorry, I mistook you for someone else."  
  
Cologne countered Ranma's deathblow, almost simultaneously bopping its intended victim on the head with her staff, "Put your glasses on, you idiot!"  
  
"So, again we meet, Elder Khun Lon," replied the young man, adjusting his glasses, "This time you won't stop me from taking the hand of my fair Shampoo."  
  
"I've told you a million times before, Mousse, there is just no way a relationship with her could be permitted! She had already defeated you once!"  
  
"But that was when we were THREE!" shouted the young man, near riot.  
  
"Nonetheless, you failed in the challenge, so..."  
  
"Wait a minute," Ranma intervened, getting tired of being ignored, "What's the problem with the blind fool..."  
  
"The name.... is Mu Tzu," stated the longhaired man in agitation.  
  
"Call him 'Mousse'," added Cologne.  
  
"What's the problem with the blind fool boinking your Great Granddaughter?" continued the pigtailed girl.  
  
"Boink? How DARE you speak so vulgar of my true love!" demanded Mousse, then asked, "But she has a valid point, why must you keep me from copulating with my future wife?"  
  
"For the last time, Mousse," Cologne started tiredly, "She's..."  
  
"DON'T EVEN ATTEPT YOUR LIES WITH ME, YOU DRIED UP MONKEY!" interrupted the young man.  
  
"*Sigh*, Mousse," Cologne addressed the person with his head embedded into the concrete sidewalk, "right now isn't the best time to confront Shampoo for you, perhaps you should...."  
  
*RRRRRIIINNNNGG RRRRIIIIINNNG*  
  
"This... is going to be messy," Cologne mumbled to herself more than to anyone.  
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Shampoo rang her bicycle bell, attempting to warn off potential obstacles from her path as she raced through the streets with her delivery. She silently cursed those who were just too slow for her for hindering her path; the unauthorized speed bumps may cause her to spill the ramen she was delivering.  
  
Shampoo skidded around the corner, and came upon her Great Grandmother, Husband, Wife... and... him. Shampoo's mood darkened to a blackness even Satan would keep a nightlight around to confront. Her elder had explained things to her, and now she understood. Before she had thought Mousse was just an irritant, now she knew better. He just wanted to park his Cadillac in her garage until they both were really really happy, and then make her feel unbearable pain for the Ancestors knew how long. She knew that's what he was there for, she would never allow him or any mate the chance...  
  
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!!!"  
  
Mousse turned to the lovely voice of his future wife and smiled blissfully, "Oh Shampoo, how I have longed to..."  
  
"DIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Cologne would never be able to figure out where all that cutlery Shampoo suddenly wielded came from. As far as she knew, Shampoo only mastered basic hidden weapons.  
  
"YOU NO TOUCH SHAMPOO YOU..." after the intense swearing in Mandarin, Shampoo settled for growling and gnashing and snapping in Mousses direction.  
  
"You see, my dear Shampoo is mad with love for me!"  
  
Ranma and Akane continued to hold their mutual spouse back; it wouldn't do for the girl to be deported for homicide before they got to get a taste of her.  
  
"Shampoo, you have to CALM DOWN!" demanded Akane, using all her strength to restrain the purple haired girl.  
  
"And I thought I needed to get laid bad," commented Ranma, as she braced herself harder.  
  
"SHAMPOO NO LET ANYONE TOUCH HER EVER!!!!" Screamed the irrational girl, "SHAMPOO KILL KILL KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!" The crowd that had gathered around the scene took a step back to avoid the flying froth from the cute Amazon's mouth.  
  
"As I was saying," Cologne began again, "Shampoo isn't in the best of moods at the moment, maybe you should return at a later..." the Elder turned to glance at her Great Granddaughter, "or maybe not."  
  
"I don't see where there's so much a problem," Started Ranma, "Akane, how much you got on you?"  
  
The girl in question reached into her pocket with her free hand and counted the money she had on her, "3800 Yen."  
  
Ranma beamed, "Good, that should be more than enough. Shampoo, how about we get you a nice, calming bottle of Everclear, then take you to a nice hotel with ah pretty heart shaped bed to relax on?"  
  
"Mousse, would you like to come and do the honors?" Akane asked for the redhead.  
  
"BOY! WOULD I EVER!!!!"  
  
"NO!!!" everyone paused, including Shampoo, as Cologne slammed her staff down into the ground, creating a crack for a five-meter radius, "I FORBID Mousse touching Shampoo in any such fashion!"  
  
"Shampoo forbid anyone touch Shampoo in any such fashion!"  
  
"Comon, you old Ghoul, Shampoo really needs this! Look how worked up she's getting!"  
  
"There, there, Shampoo-chan, we'll get you feeling better soon," Akane cooed as she stroked Shampoo's lavender hair, then immediately pulled back as Shampoo tried to bite her hand off, "HEY!"  
  
"Da... Son-in-law, it's because there are even some things in what you consider our 'backwards' tribe that we are sternest against, one of those being incest..."  
  
"So, you Amazon gals don't have a taste for Korean foods. I guess all those spices give you gas," Ranma commented, puzzled what this incest had to do with anything."  
  
"Ranma, not kimchi, incest," corrected Akane, "You mean Shampoo and Mousse are related to one another?"  
  
"Yes, it started when Shampoo's father...  
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"OH! YESS, YESSSSS, YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! AGAIN!!!!"  
  
"Grunt, oooooh."  
  
"HARDER!!!!!"  
  
"Hurr, hurr, HURRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"OH! OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! ANCESTORS!!!!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan leaned against a wall, fanning herself, "DAMN YOU! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!!"  
  
Cologne stopped imitating a couple in the midst of intimate matters, "Forgive me, Daughter-in-law, I was only trying to set the mood."  
  
"Maybe you should get on with the story, and hold off on the barnyard sounds, for Ranma-sama's sake," Akane asked dryly.  
  
"Very well. Now where was I, oh yes. It started when...  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
A man with a skull cap and wire frame glasses stumbled about. It had been a rather vicious argument with his wife, and barely made it out with his family jewels intact.  
  
"Merciful Ancestors," the man said, "Where the Hell did my wife come up with such an irrational fear about child birth. I mean, not that I wanna go through with it, but it can't be all THAT painful..."  
  
He took another swig of his special Amazon tonic (which contained an enlightening mixture of moonshine, tiger spit, and a few unidentifiable things they scrapped off of rocks near where the wildlife chose most to relieve themselves), he continued forward, until a frantic woman with an extremely wild look in her eyes that could be seen through her thick glasses ran into him. The man, now three sheets (and a whole printing press) to the wind, found it difficult to maintain his consciousness.  
  
The woman looked down at the now comatose man intently, "You'll do," she said, as she hoisted him onto her shoulders and bounded for the rooftops.  
  
"I'll show them, I'll show them ALL that my love is for more than a woman!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Wow, Your mother musta been one Hell of a swinger," Commented Ranma, now considering a visit to the Amazon village wouldn't be as bad as she thought.  
  
"Lies..." Mousse declared in a low growl, "Everyone knows my father was that nice doctor lady that made house calls from the nearby village!"  
  
"Mousse, listen to yourself," admonished Akane.  
  
Shampoo growled.  
  
"Wait, there is more to the tale than that..."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"OH MY!!! HARDER! HARRRDEERRR!!!!! OH YES! SUCK IT!!"  
  
"GRUNT, UGH!!!!"  
  
"FUCK ME TILL I'M BLUE! FUCK ME TILL I'M BLUUUUEEEEE!!!!!  
  
"HUGHN, GAH!!!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Mousse, Akane, and Shampoo blinked, as they watched Ranma chasing the cackling old woman with a broadsword.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Okay Mousse, the way I see it, the biggest obstacle is the old bat," proclaimed Ranma, as she lazily lounged on Akane's bed while rubbing the girl's stomach.  
  
"I thank you for your assistance in guiding Shampoo to my love," stated Mousse with a bow. Truly this redhead was more honorable than any he had met in his own village. She knew not to stand in the way of true love.  
  
"S'nuth'n," replied the girl as she patted Akane's tummy affectionately, "Now, all we have to do is lure Shampoo into a convenient location, and you can express your love to her, and we can catch it on video for sentimentality."  
  
"Your plan seems sound, I will be in touch with you again later then," with that, Mousse leapt out Akane's window.  
  
"Uh, Ranma-sama, is it right for us to do this to Shampoo?" Akane questioned, she didn't like the idea of anyone but her, er, her and Ranma, touching her, er, hers and RANMA'S lavender haired Amazonian sexpot.  
  
"Relax, this is the best way to test the waters. If you hadn't noticed, Shampoo hasn't been the most compliant lately," stated the redhead logically, "She'll either enjoy the hell outta it, or rip Mousse to shreds. Either way, we'll know how to approach her."  
  
"I... see."  
  
"Yes, once Mousse gets back, we will begin Operation: Purple Relief!" Ranma shot out of the bed and struck a heroic pose, finger pointing to the sky as if she were a sentinel of justice. Onna-Ranma came out of her pose as she watched the Tendou girl squirm uncomfortably, "First, heh heh, I guess you need a little relief yourself..."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Shampoo raced her bike along the fence, anxious to return to the restaurant so that she would not have to deal with any perverts wanting to stick things in futuristically painful places. Not more than a block away, her hopes were dashed.  
  
"SHAMPOO!!! LET ME SHOW YOU THE BEAUTY OF BEING LOVED BY A MAN!"  
  
Okay, it was a false alarm. Shampoo didn't give a second glance back to the unconscious young man.  
  
"Okay, the direct approach didn't warm her any," Ranma mumbled from her hiding place. Akane nodded in agreement  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Shampoo quickly climbed the stairs and knocked on the apartment door. She blinked when it opened by itself and she was beckoned in by a voice she knew somewhere from before, just not as deep or suave. The Amazon walked into the apartment, puzzled by the low lights, soft music, and red shag carpet.  
  
"How about you set that on the table, and have a seat on the couch there, it's genuine Italian leather."  
  
Shampoo brought her maces to bare, "Shampoo no have time sit, much delivery to make."  
  
"Hmm hmmm hmmmm," a falsely baritone voice chuckled, "My dear girl, you need to relax, perhaps if you were to slip off those thin and assuredly cold cloths and into my nice warm comforter..." Mousse stepped out, wearing a robe and holding a bottle of champale."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane and Ranma watched from the roof as a male Amazon learned to fly.  
  
"Damn, now we're gonna have to pay for that window," Ranma groused.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Shampoo's nerves were becoming shot, and decided to take her Great-Grandmother's advice and retire to a nice bath. Shampoo ran the water in the tub and went to scrub herself off. Once she was thoroughly clean, the lavender haired girl settled into the tub, enjoying the comfortable tub mattress her Grandmother had laid in it for her.  
  
"Hmm? When Great Grandmother use tub cushion?" Shampoo froze, wide eyed as something began to poke her between the legs from under her.  
  
"Don't fight it Shampoo, it's only natural," Mousse said through a snorkel.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne looked up from her reading at the ear piercing Soprano scream.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Cheer up, Mousse," placated Dr. Tofu, "You can still live a full life with only one genital.  
  
"This is getting us nowhere, fast," grumbled Ranma, Shampoo was now much more guarded, practically swinging at shadows. Mousse was fighting a losing battle, his latest casualty being one half of the family jewels, "if there was a way to get Shampoo calm enough for you two to do the deed and..."  
  
"I know just the thing," commented Dr. Tofu, before turning back to Mousse, "You're lucky, the swelling of your groin from the last time Shampoo kicked you there kept your pubic arch from being shattered."  
  
"Well, Dr. Tofu, don't keep us waiting!" Akane exclaimed impatiently.  
  
"Shampoo's Genophobia is strong, but there is a pressure point even stronger." the doctor stood up straight and pushed the glasses up onto his nose, "The Josie Lorenza Pressure Point!"  
  
"The... Josie Lorenza Pressure Point?" repeated Akane, confused.  
  
"Yes, named after a famous prostitute from the America, who was said to have a libido only rivaled by her lewd remarks."  
  
"Oh yeah! American prostitutes are some of the most hard up!" Exclaimed Akane.  
  
"Yes, if we were able to use this pressure point on Shampoo, it would temporarily override her fear of any sexual intercourse, and make her crave it more than anything possible."  
  
"Well, what are ya waiting for?" Cried Ranma-Chan, "You got some instruct'n ta do!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"PREPARE YOURSELF SHAMPOO!" Cried Mousse as he jumped out from his hiding place and in front of Shampoo. The Chinese Amazon's battle aura flared as all rational fled. But before she could express her true desire to Mousse, she felt someone poke her just below the floating ribs.  
  
"WHAT FUCK YOU THINK YOU DO TO SHAMPOO YOU DYKE?!?" Shampoo's eyes got wide as her hands went to cover her mouth, "What Hell Shampoo say? Dammit! Shampoo no stop fucking bad words!" Suddenly, the most peculiar feeling started to settle upon her as she found herself staring at Mousse.  
  
"Oh Shampoo! How I've waited for you to look upon me like that!" The girl in question let out a feral growl as she leapt at Mousse.  
  
"MOUSSE FUCK SHAMPOO TILL SHAMPOO BREAK!" The boy in question braced himself. Before his dreams could be fulfilled, a blur flew towards Shampoo and tapped her on the back of the neck with the point of a knarled cane, paralyzing the girl.  
  
"NO! I will NOT allow this!" Shouted the Elder as she bounded with her Great Grand Daughter over a wall.  
  
"NO! Quick, after her!" Ranma commanded, as she ran with Mousse and Akane on her heels.  
  
"GREAT GRANDMOTHER! LET SHAMPOO GO!!!!"  
  
"Sorry, Granddaughter, but this is truly not what you want," replied the old woman.  
  
"SHAMPOO WANT TO JUMP MOUSSE AND YODEL LIKE STRANGLED CAT!!!!"  
  
The old woman sighed, as she continued to evade the three martial artists tailing her.  
  
"Damn it! That pressure point will only hold out for another seven minutes, we have to stop her soon!"  
  
"Leave that to me," Mousse said, as he hurled several cords, ropes, and chains at the two Amazons. Cologne changed directions suddenly and evaded all of them. Ranma had moved to cut her off, and rushed at her with a flying kick.  
  
"Give it up, Daughter-in-law, I cannot allow this travesty to continue!"  
  
"We ain't giving you a choice, granny!" Answered the redhead as her attack sailed just under the woman. Cologne tapped Ranma in the back of the head, adding to her momentum and sending her out of control into a pile of garbage.  
  
Mousse followed with an attack, which was narrowly avoided by the matriarch while she was carrying a writhing body with her. Her distraction allowed for Akane to relieve her of her burden.  
  
"Akane good fucking muff diver, yes?" Shampoo asked innocently as she bounced on the other girl's shoulder and attempted dry sex.  
  
"Um, maybe later," replied the raven-haired girl, "We need to get you somewhere so you can be safe with Mousse."  
  
"Oh, Shampoo no wait for Mousse to stick hard meat in Shampoo!"  
  
Akane's run was cut off as the ground in front of her exploded. The Tendou girl toppled, and felt her shoulders suddenly lighter.  
  
"Nice try, child, but you're three hundred years too early to get the best of me!"  
  
"CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!" Cologne turned and parried best she could with her staff the attack, moving backwards frantically while keeping an eye on the other two. Mousse's chain caught the old Amazon's staff, which Cologne was intending, allowing her to snap the Amazon boy forward and into Ranma.  
  
"Shampoo feltch Mousse if catch Shampoo," the girl cried out as added incentive.  
  
Akane tried to punch Cologne on her blind side, only to end up flying into a pile of garbage herself. Luck was fortunately with the three, as Cologne's slight distraction allowed Mousse to snag her legs, causing her not to tumble, but toss Shampoo away into a back yard.  
  
"WE ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES LEFT!" Ranma shouted, lifting up Mousse by the shirt, and tossing him into the same yard.  
  
"SHAMPOOOO!!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" Shouted the myopic boy as he flew towards the location of his love.  
  
"SHAMPOO DRIPPING FOR YOU, MOUSSE!!!" The lavender haired girl cried.  
  
"NO!" Shouted Cologne as she tried to pursue, only to have the cord still wrapped around her leg tugged by Ranma, preventing her interference.  
  
Mousse landed in the yard, greeted by a loud cry of 'OH MOUSSE KEEP SHAMPOO FUCKING WAITING TOO LONG!!!"  
  
Akane and Ranma's cheers died when the saw the fence of the back yard explode, and Mousse soaring into the air to unknown destinations."  
  
"Mousse.... no touch... Shampoo." Growled the glowing girl, fist raised as she stood in the center of what looked like the blast radius of a small nuke.  
  
Ranma fell to her knees in defeat, "We... were *so* close!" Akane came up behind her and patted her partner on the back, "Just wait, old Ghoul, we'll get the best of you yet!" 


	20. The Great Limp Noodle Race

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Akane woke up to an unusual feeling, almost like a lightness starting from her chest radiated out to her skin; an almost... needful feeling that didn't quite belong to her. Tossing it aside as something trivial, the girl decided to get herself a drink before returning to bed. Akane walked downstairs and into the kitchen and poured water from the tap. After quenching her slight thirst, she started back upstairs again, but not before noticing the lights in the dojo on.  
  
Moving to investigate, Akane noted the unique feeling getting stronger the closer she got, it's power seeming to add a dream like feel to the whole event. Akane looked into the dojo to find Ranma moving intensely through a kata. She wanted to ask the redhead what she was doing up at this hour, but the expression she caught from the other girl's profile stopped any words from her throat.  
  
After coming to a rest, Ranma walked over to a wall and braced her hand against it. Ranma attempted to compose herself while still hunched over against the wall. Akane was about to withdraw, before the redhead's feral cry caught her, and the sound of wood being smashed turned her head back.  
  
Ranma was still panting, her fist lodged in a hole in the dojo wall. Ranma growled as she torqued her body to drag her fist to the side, lengthening the hold before she collapsed to her knees while gripping the narrow opening.  
  
"Ranma..." Akane whispered, the feeling extremely intense now, almost forcing her to run up to Ranma and have her way. Unfortunately, she knew in the redhead's current state, it would be far from appreciated. Deciding it most prudent, the raven-haired girl turned away a second time to return to bed.  
  
"Wanna spar a bit, Akane?" Ranma's voice sounded a bit weak, which startled the Tendou girl.  
  
"A-at this hour, Ranma-sama?"  
  
Ranma got back up sluggishly and turned to face the other young girl, "You're up anyway, just humor me a bit. Don't worry about a gi right now, it's not gonna be more than five minutes..."  
  
Akane looked down at the attire she was wearing, a sports bra and cotton panties she had grown accustomed to whenever Ranma wasn't with her at night, and shrugged, "This couldn't wait till morning?"  
  
Ranma's eyes narrowed, and replied in a cold voice, "No." Akane sighed as she walked into the middle of the training hall and took a stance. Ranma took one up apposed to her and curtly bowed; before Akane could return the courtesy, Ranma launched into attack.  
  
Akane's eyes widened at the other girl's crimson aura flaring as she went quickly into defensive, heavily sluggish and from the need for sleep. She gritted as almost all of the onslaught of Ranma's attacks hit on mark, the girl wasn't holding back much against her.  
  
The short-haired girl tried to back up, only to have her right forward leg hooked at the inside of the knee by Ranma's own left forward leg. Ranma then capitalized on her position by swinging her body to her right and bracing her right foot behind Akane's left leg, then shifted her stance from her back to fore with a palm strike to Akane's sternum.  
  
The raven-haired girl launched about a meter back and fell onto the ground; Ranma was already on top of her, the redhead's legs on Akane's sides. The Redhead bent down and roughly kissed Akane on the lips, and felt the girl immediately give in.  
  
Akane kissed back with as much as she was receiving, a heady primal urge snapping in her and fueling her passion, but just as swiftly as it stopped, Akane found no pressure against her at all.  
  
"Ra-Ranma-sama?" Akane's eyes opened to find the girl gone.  
  
"Ranma..."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Shampoo worked through her kata with fervor, unable to ignore the weird feelings that were brewing in her. Shampoo was determined not to let any 'love' touch her for fear of agony. She felt slightly chagrined at the thought of any of her Amazon sisters finding out about her nervousness for large amounts of pain. Granted she was no stranger to the sensation, but the way her Great-Grandmother described it, no warrior should have to suffer so tremendously.  
  
Shampoo herself didn't quite sure what she was feeling, this burning urge for... something was causing her no end of frustration. She had managed to curve it a bit, that was until the incident with Mousse. After that, Shampoo was a trembling wreck when near any person. Already she's floored three guys and two girls while working for even glancing at her wrong, and the poor gentleman that had touched the lavender-haired girl when her attention was adrift... Great Grandmother didn't often get a reason to show her displeasure. Shampoo figured after her Elder's lecturing, maybe it was a good thing they had managed to pack in ice and the ambulance get the poor man to the hospital before any impromptu altercations became permanent, Shampoo feared that Cologne would had been a bit more harsh with her Granddaughter.  
  
Shampoo sighed as she wrapped up her workout, and went to wash up in order to prepare for the opening of the restaurant for the breakfast hour. After the Amazon finished preparing herself, she walked downstairs, and felt an unusual sensation about her, almost like an inner heat radiating outwards from her center.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane came down, barely coherent for breakfast before school, at the moment she was too tired to care about how late she was running.  
  
"Good morning, Akane-chan," greeted Kasumi as she scooped a bowl of rice for her younger sibling. Akane nodded back with a yawn before noticing someone missing.  
  
"Where's Ranma?"  
  
"Hmm? We have another guest?" asked Kasumi.  
  
"Haven't seen him this morning," the panda signed after handing his bowl to Kasumi to have more rice filled into it.  
  
Akane stared at the spot where the redhead usually sat in concern.  
  
"Don't worry, 'Kane, there isn't anything we can do to get rid of her," Nabiki grumbled, "The bitch'll be back soon."  
  
"Oh yes, I'm sure Ranma will be back soon, she'll be hungry if she misses breakfast."  
  
"I guess you're righ... HEY! I thought you couldn't remember Ranma?" Akane demanded, looking directly at her oldest sibling.  
  
Kasumi stared blankly back at the youngest Tendou, "Ranma? Is that one of your little friends, Akane?" Akane folded her arms and returned Kasumi's gaze with a half lidded stare.  
  
"Oh my, I'm behind on housework! Yes, very, very behind on housework. I must start dusting first. Yes, that is what I will do." Akane, Soun, Nabiki, and Genma all watched a cold sweating and babbling Kasumi rush off to do chores.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma sat on a roof across from the Cat Cafe, her anger seething.  
  
"Old Ghoul..." Ranma growled in a low rage.  
  
"Show some respect, Daughter-in-law!" admonished the old lady as she sat next to the spot Ranma was sitting on, "You need to be more weary about heights, Daughter-in-law."  
  
Ranma peeled herself off the ground, and turned to glare at the Amazon without so much a word.  
  
"I see you're not a morning person, Daughter-in-law"  
  
"Give me the pill," Ranma asked, calm as stone as she extended her hand.  
  
"Oh, come now. This is way too much fun to make it that easy!" Exclaimed the Elder with a smile.  
  
"DAMMIT! GIVE ME THE FUCKING PILL!!!" Ranma screamed in unholy rage, yet made no move to attack for it except for an aggressive step forward. Cologne could have cared less about the girl's outburst; she was well aware the stress the girl was probably feeling at the moment. In fact she was rather impressed that the girl didn't succumb and they weren't already in China. What caused the Amazon's eyes to widen a fraction was the 'roar' that complimented her outburst. The girl's battle aura ignited in a rage that the old woman had rarely seen in all her years, and the ki was radiating from her like solar winds. Cologne thought it would best be prudent to end this game soon.  
  
"Temper, Daughter-in-law, life's too short for one. Now, what would you do to get this pill, hmm?" the Elder dangled the container holding the phoenix pill from her fingers.  
  
"Other that beat you to a pulp, old Ghoul?"  
  
Cologne let out a low chuckle, "How about this then, a contest of my choosing. Should you win, you get the pill, should you fail, you and Akane are off to China the next day with your as her servant, and wife, respectively."  
  
Ranma didn't even think before nodding in agreement.  
  
"Well then, I best be going," Cologne stated, her demeanor changing back to jovial, "noodles don't boil themselves, you know," and with that, Cologne went back into the Cat Cafe.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane looked up from her schoolbook as the feeling from the night before intensified, "Ranma?" The Akane said, "I... guess I said that out loud, didn't I?" while dusting the chalk dust from her forehead. The teacher nodded in response, then pointed to the water buckets.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne walked into the restaurant and saw her daughter sitting down and fanning herself furiously," Great Granddaughter, are you feeling well?"  
  
"Shampoo too too hot!" exclaimed the girl. Cologne blinked at the action, then sighed.  
  
"Shampoo, please keep your clothes on, it's considered unsanitary in this country to undress in an eating establishment," the Elder waited for Shampoo's 'eep', then frantic rebuttoning of her top before continuing, "Go ahead and start preparing for the lunch rush, I'll be back after I make a run to the print shop."  
  
"Understand, Great Grandmother. Shampoo get ready."  
  
"Shampoo, and before you start serving customers..." Cologne used her staff to point out the misbuttoned shirt, in which someone would presume a frantic redressing from other activities. The lavender haired girl looked slightly chagrinned.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane came home from school, to find Ranma sitting passively on the couch and watching TV, "Ranma, how come you didn't go to school today?"  
  
"Wasn't in the mood," replied the redhead without turning around. Akane felt a subtle increase of the sensation she had been subjected to all day. Before she could enquire about it to Ranma, Nabiki walked in, reading a flyer.  
  
"Hmm, a martial arts Ramen delivery contest is being held to promote the Cat Cafe. First prize is a year's worth of free meals at the establishment for up to two people." Nabiki looked up at Ranma, "You know? That would really help with the food bill if a certain two gluttons were to enter this contest."  
  
"Hmm," replied Genma, pushing his glasses further onto his face, "Boy, it's up to you to answer this challenge, for the sake of the Anything Goes School of martial arts."  
  
"It weren't a direct challenge, pops. I ain't in the mood."  
  
"But it's FREE FOOD!" Implored the redhead's father in front of the girl. Ranma casually punched her father away from blocking her view to the TV, through the wall, and into the fishpond. Akane and Nabiki stared at the pudgy martial artist shaped hole, then turned back to the pigtailed girl who didn't even give a first glance.  
  
"Um, wasn't that a bit... I dunno, extreme?" Enquired the middle Tendou sister. Ranma turned towards her with a neutral gaze.  
  
"Far from extreme enough."  
  
Akane felt unbearable heat suddenly, and felt herself having to refrain from panting. It also didn't escape her notice that Nabiki took a step back and was starting to visibly perspire, while drawing small circles in the middle of her chest with her right finger.  
  
"Gothomeworktodolater," Nabiki said quickly as she rushed upstairs, after a second a door could be heard slamming.  
  
"You know, Daughter-in-law, a little competition may be just the thing you need."  
  
Akane screamed in surprise, as Ranma sat and did nothing, still watching the TV. Cologne's face soured a bit at this, then decided that she may as well cut to the chase, "I'm willing to put a bit more on the line, if you were to make it an interesting sport, Daughter-in-law. Perhaps a certain cure to your situation?"  
  
Ranma finally acknowledged the old woman, "If I gotta jump through your hoops, then I'll take the challenge. With that, Ranma got up and walked upstairs.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Spectators lined up in droves for the contest, anxious to witness a great match. The contestants were in great number themselves, most greedy for first prize, many others just for the glory of it. Two contestants cared nothing about either.  
  
"Ranma-sama? How do we know that Cologne will keep her word?" Akane asked, holding her delivery container carefully.  
  
"She will," the redhead replied, "She's staking her martial arts honor on this."  
  
"Well, if you trust her..." Akane said hesitantly. Akane shifted her weight from leg to leg constantly, trying to ignore the almost unbearable need in her. For the last two days, the feeling had been getting stronger, and along with it, Ranma had been getting much more irritable. Akane looked around and noted that she wasn't the only one who seemed to be uncomfortable, a handful of other competitors were also antsy, including Shampoo a bit further down the starting line, also fidgeting.  
  
"Ranma-sama, why do you think Shampoo is participating?"  
  
"Spoiler," the pigtailed girl answered, "Cologne knows that just having me in the race would be an unfair gamble, so at least get someone perceptively near my level to compete against me to make it somewhat interesting."  
  
"Oh, thanks for your vote of confidence," Akane replied with a half lidded stare. Ranma shrugged it off as the official for the contest stepped up to announce the rules.  
  
The contest would be a checkpoint race. Each contestant had three bowls of hot ramen to deliver to three locations where judges were waiting. If a bowl failed to make it to a judge, that contestant would be disqualified. The first contestant to make it to the final checkpoint with their last bowl of ramen would be the winner.  
  
After the rules were stated, the competitors set themselves on the finish line, prepared to start. Ranma gave one last look to Shampoo, and then firmed her resolve. Akane faltered as the feeling became even stronger, to the point of disrupting her concentration.  
  
The gun was fired, signifying the start of the race. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, and a few others immediately pulled out in the lead. The first three martial artists methodically started running through their opponents, aiming to take them out of the competition. Some of them, before Ranma even touched them, stumbled.   
  
Cologne was overlooking the contest from a distance, peering closely at the pigtailed girl. Cologne felt the aura that Ranma was emitting, and it was getting stronger by the day and the more the girl became frustrated and irritable. Cologne had her suspicions on what it was, but decided to wait and see.  
  
Shampoo caught Ranma in her line of sight, and decided to eliminate the redhead early, a small payback for all the hassle she's given the Amazon. Wettening her finger, Shampoo stuck it in the air to test the direction of the wind. Once she was satisfied, she pulled a bonbori out in her free hand then threw it to her left. The weapon rebounded off of a trashcan, bouncing into a streetlamp pole, then rushed right into Ranma's blindside.  
  
"RANMA! LOOK OUT!" Akane warned, but unfortunately too late. Ranma sensed something heading for her at the last minute, and leapt to evade it. The redhead almost cleared it, unfortunately, the mace slammed into her right leg with the handle getting entangled with Ranma's left, forcing the girl to land in a very unprofessional way. Unfortunately, Ranma managed to also spill one of her bowls  
  
Shampoo ran towards the downed girl and smirked as she jogged in place, "Airen learn never win against Shampoo again." Shampoo took off with a musical giggle in satisfaction. Ranma visibly was glowing.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Cologne's eyes went wide as she felt a wave of ki spread through out the area, and recognized it immediately as Ranma's. Then a second wave hit, in which the Elder reflexively shielded her eyes, though she could not see it on a visible spectrum. As the second wave hit her, Cologne felt something almost overpowering, an urge she hadn't felt since the beginning part of her lifetime.   
  
"Oh, my..." maybe the old Amazon let things go to far  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"That was dirty, Shampoo!" Shouted Akane as she caught up with the lavender haired girl; Shampoo returned a look of distain.  
  
"Pervert deserved it, you get same if get in Shampoo way."  
  
Akane growled, and with a sudden burst of energy fueled by her rage, the raven-haired girl cut off the young Amazon, "This has gone on long enough! I CHALLENGE YOU, SHAMPOO!"  
  
Shampoo acknowledged the challenge by lunging after her opponent post haste.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma slowly got up off the ground, crimson energy radiating from her, "Old... Ghoul..."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane and Shampoo had abandoned martial arts tactics and skills in favor of a good ol' catfight, tearing at whatever they got their hands on with intent of...  
  
Excuse me, Akane and Shampoo had abandoned martial arts tactics and skills in favor of good ol' foreplay, tearing at whatever they got their hands on with intent of fulfilling the overpowering lustful urges.  
  
Both girl's suddenly paused, blinking as Shampoo had her hand on Akane's right breast, and Akane had her hand down Shampoo's pants.  
  
"I presume both of you girls are in your right minds again?" Cologne asked, directing her gaze away from the two girls. Unfortunately there were not many places to look, as everyone within sight was in the midst of passionate coupling, many much further than what the old woman's heir and her wife had gotten. Shampoo pulled away in wide-eyed fright, while Akane pouted.  
  
"Quickly, we must find Daugh...Son-in-law!" The elder stated with urgency.  
  
"Wha? Why would we need to find..." Akane went silent as she felt herself being pushed towards the primal edge she had just been brought back from.  
  
Even Cologne was visibly trembling, "Never mind, she's found us."  
  
"GIVE ME THAT PILL!!! Ranma slammed into the spot Cologne was once standing in, creating a crater in her wake. Akane and Shampoo could see a vibrant red light in the midst of the dust, and both gasped as the saw Ranma-chan kneeling in the middle as the debris cleared. Cologne was about to give the Phoenix pill to Ranma; unfortunately, the girl wasn't quite rational as she launched herself at the old woman, a fury of attacks.  
  
Cologne was fighting a battle on two fronts; Ranma was running on a level of power the old Amazon had rarely seen, even managing to give the matriarch of the Amazon tribe a run for her money as she defended herself. Also Cologne was trying to keep control of her own long dead urges, barely coming out on front.  
  
Ranma's mind had regressed to a more primal state, how dare this old FEMALE cross her, how dare SHE attempt to rival her dominance. Ranma howled in animalistic rage.  
  
Cologne's eyes went wide as saucers, and ducked. Ten meters behind her, the wall of a building collapsed as three slashes tore through it.  
  
"THE CATFIST!" both Akane and Cologne realized. Akane came to another realization, a very, VERY, bad one, "Oh Kami, she wouldn't..."  
  
"ELDER COLOGNE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LET HER MOUNT YOU!!!!" Akane's warning had an adverse effect, as the matriarch stumbled at the absurdity of the warning. Ranma pounced at the opening.  
  
Shampoo turned away to vomit, while Akane stood frozen in morbid curiosity. Both let out a breath neither had realized they were holding as watched Ranma suddenly fly into the air.  
  
Cologne sat hunched in a ball, the tar of the street around her melted and bubbling, "Behold, the technique of the flying squirrel. As the animal rides short currents of air to glide, do I manipulate the temperature of the air to fell you away." The Amazon stood up, and both girls felt the temperature drop as Cologne looked up at the still airborne Ranma.  
  
Suddenly, Ranma was sent back to earth faster than gravity even intended. Though the landing was brutal, the feral redhead barely took heed of it. Ranma hissed as she lashed out with her ki-claws, digging up the ground just behind where the after-image of the old Amazon was. Ranma couldn't move much as the severe pressure of falling cold air pressed her down, allowing the Amazon to come in for a telling blow. In Sheer desperation, the redhead came into a sudden burst of power, allowing her to leap to intercept the Amazon. It wasn't much to totally cut Cologne off, but enough to surprise her. Ranma slashed out, just barely missing the Amazon's neck, but slicing a bit of her robe.  
  
Cologne landed and grabbed her staff with both hands, then suddenly running it into the ground. Ranma buckled under the intense pressure over her, as Cologne concentrated harder. Unfortunately, now both were in a standoff, Ranma waiting for an inch to be given, while the Elder hoped Ranma wore herself out before she succumbed to exhaustion.  
  
Unfortunately... for the Amazon, her strength faltered, and Ranma roared in her oncoming victory, allowing a tiny pill to shoot into her mouth and down her throat. The girl gagged a bit, allowing Akane to dump a kettle of hot water onto her.  
  
Changing into a guy, Ranma passed out from exhaustion, allowing Akane to take advantage of the situation. The raven-haired girl dumped cold water onto her partner, then hoisted up the unconscious redhead into a fireman's carry, finally running as fast as she could for a nice private spot.  
  
The two Amazons watched the two head off in the distance, before the Elder slumped. Oh well, they'll both figure it out eventually.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Everywhere, couples, groups, and a few stragglers stared at their partner, partners, or hands respectively in utter horror. Needless to say, the Race was called off, and that day would become one Nerimans would never speak of again.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Later that night...  
  
"OLD GHOULLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Cologne sighed as she heard her name called in the distance, accompanied by barking dogs and lights of many houses coming on, their habiters yelling in response.  
  
"Shampoo, can you do me a favor and take this scroll that explains the counter to the Venus's Bane pressure point to that good Doctor that you had worked under?" 


	21. Ukyo and Suzy's Revenge

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
A young man stood in his front yard of his and his wife's dream home, smoking his pipe. He marveled at the pristine cut grass and the pristine white washed fence overlooking the pristine neighborhood.  
  
"Life is great," the young man sighed, his wife approaching up behind them from their pristine pink life size Barbie house, complete with the stable for the pony.  
  
"Yes, life is good honey, would you like some cookies?" The wife presented a tray of chocolate chip cookies for her husband, from which he took one and graciously munched on it.  
  
"Very much so, dear. Ever since we got rid of all the perverts in the world so your parents could be together, and when we married, everything was just perfect!"  
  
The little girl in an apron with peach blond hair giggled as she snuggled up to her handsome longhaired husband, "I'm so happy that everyone is happy now! I finished my mission, you got your revenge on that nasty meanie Ranma Saotome..."  
  
"AND THE ARMY IS A REAL MAN'S ARMY AGAIN!" yelled the man with a buzz cut, walking behind the girl's mom and her dad who were arm in arm. All three of them were followed by the mother's other two boyfriends.   
  
"And I'm not perverted anymore!" said the man with the cowboy hat and tight jeans, who had a large band-aid in front of his pants where they had to remove his pervert thingie. The pony even came out to join the extended family.  
  
"Yup, the world is once again safe from perversion!" Proclaimed Ukyo, holding his pipe in his left hand while pointing to the sky in an awe inspiring pose as he made his declaration, "Let's celebrate! Everybody to the gun range! I'm just aching to try out my new Ultima Ratio 'Hectate II' sniper rifle that you got me for my birthday!"  
  
"I'm glad you like it, honey," replied the little girl as she got in line behind her husband; everyone falling into step as they walked out the fence and down the street, passing by a pristine graveyard where the first three gravestones read; 'Miss Pervert 1, Miss Pervert 2, and Ranma Saotome.'  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ukyo listened by the door at Lil' Suzy's giggling. The little girl was adorable, regardless of the little crush she had on Ukyo, but these nightly giggling bouts were really beginning to make her a bit nervous. The young man sighed in resignation, soon, once they both got their revenge, Suzy will be sent on her way so Ukyo could get on with his life.  
  
The handsome young man smiled at that thought, removing a single sharpened spatula from his bandoleer, "This is the week, Saotomes. Prepare to face my vengeance.  
  
Lil' Suzy's giggling got louder to compliment Ukyo's thoughts, followed by a murmured 'nice shooting, honey!'  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane and Onna-Ranma watched Kodachi walk away from the Tendou household with a slight limp. The two girls watched as the gymnast disappeared with some distain. She was plenty limber enough, she should had been able to handle the position for an extended period of time.  
  
"Maybe the candle wax burns are causing her some trouble," Akane mused, they managed to get most of it out of the hair down there at least before they sent Kodachi on her way.  
  
Ranma just shrugged as she turned away from the window, "She'll get used to it after three more sessions," Akane bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically in agreement.  
  
"Oh my!" Both girls looked at each other at Kasumi's exclamation, and decided to investigate. Akane and Ranma arrived downstairs to see a battered Genma crawl into the den.  
  
"You look like a limp cock, Pops," commented the redhead with a smirk.  
  
"Who could have done such a thing to you?" Akane asked.  
  
Genma was about to speak up, but after a quick glance at Ranma, decided that silence was the better option, "Uh, nothing, nothing happened at all."  
  
"Listen Pop, I know well enough that anything strong enough to beat the crap outta you, you woulda been outta town as soon as it was upwind of ya. Whoever or whatever did this to ya it would be helpful to know about it."  
  
"RANMA SAOTOME! COME OUT SO I CAN GET MY REVENGE I'VE WAITED TEN YEARS FOR!!!!" shouted a voice from outside.  
  
"I'm gonna presume that's the one that did this to you," stated Ranma with a half-lidded stare, "So what trouble did the virgin get himself inta?"  
  
"Are, are you going to find out, Ranma-sama? I mean if whoever that is outside could pummel your father like this, they won't be a pushover."  
  
"Heh, don't worry, they don't need to find out who I am just yet," with that, Ranma-chan strode outside.  
  
"I hope you know what you're doing, Ranma-sama," Akane whispered to herself as she followed the other girl outside.  
  
Akane and Ranma found love at first sight. The handsome young man standing on the wall looked them over with his hands crossed over his chest.  
  
"So, is that cheating, stealing, coward gonna come out and face me, or what?" the beautiful young man demanded, then found himself frowning as the two girls gave him a thorough look over.  
  
Ranma jumped onto the wall to get a closer inspection, causing the boy to step back nervously, "Don't move away, I only bite hard enough to leave marks."  
  
"Uh, I... um..." the boy stammered, before getting his bearings straight, "Dammit, I don't have time for this!" He removed his weapon from his back, causing Ranma to blink in surprise at the giant spatula, "You're stalling for that creep, aren't ya!"  
  
"Stalling? I just want to get to know you better!" Ranma purred, as she slinked up to the young man, "What's your name, gorgeous?"  
  
"Kuonji, Kuonji Ukyo, and I've come to claim my revenges on one who wronged me ten years ago!"  
  
"Ukyo? Okonomiyaki Ukyo?" Ranma looked the boy up and down, "you grew up well! How about I make it all right with you?" Ranma attempted to hug the boy, only to have him back flip away, "Hmm, graceful and bashful! I like that in a man."  
  
Ukyo readied herself to land, only to find herself caught in someone's arms, "Really now, are we that unattractive?" Akane pouted while cradling the young man. The youngest Tendou hugged the boy closer, then blinked as she realized something felt... peculiar. Most handsome young men didn't feel this soft.  
  
Akane locked up as she felt something small and lethal breeze by her head, and get lodged in the stone wall. Ranma stared at Akane nervously, having known what that whistling sound probably was. As of the same mind, Ranma and Akane ran back behind the safety of the wall that surrounded the Tendou home, Akane still carrying a puzzled Ukyo.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Lil' Suzy giggled chagrined, "Whoopsie! Forgot to adjust the scope!" Seeing as how attempted sniping is a lost cause, the little girl broke down her Sis-Sauer SSG 3000.   
  
"Headshots aren't as easy as they are in 'Unreal Tournament'!" the little girl groused as she picked up the drop cloth  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Ranma-sama, don't tell me that little freak is back!" Akane said, quite a bit shaken by the near miss. Ranma was listening for any further sounds that would mean instant kill.  
  
Ukyo looked between the two girls in confusion, before the name registered, "Hold on a sec. Where's Ranma-sama, I mean Ranma?"  
  
"Did I say Ranma-sama? I meant, um, that is..." Akane hemmed and hawed for an answer, before the redhead decided to come out into the open.  
  
"She's talking about me, I'm Ranma."  
  
Ukyo narrowed his eyes as he put his face right into Ranma's, "Ranma's a guy."  
  
"What did Ranma-sama do to you anyway?"  
  
"It's because of him that I have been through hell!"  
  
"Well, I can take you straight to heaven, babe, but we have a cute lil' gut tot'n maniac to watch out for at the moment."  
  
"Huh? What are ya talking about?" Ukyo demanded.  
  
Ranma didn't answer, instead, leapt up and grabbed the top of the wall and hoisted herself up to look around to see if the coast was clear, "No sign of her, maybe it was just a pebble or something."  
  
"PEBBLES DON'T USUALLY MOVE AT 500 MILES PER HOUR!" Akane shouted.  
  
"It's been known to happen," Ranma idly commented, "Anyhow, let's get back into the house so we can get... better acquainted with our friend Ukyo here."  
  
"Huh? Why would I want to get to know you guys? Look I just want to take vengeance on Ranma Saotome and be on my way. I know he's here since I followed his dad right to this house. Now TAKE ME TO HIM BEFORE I GET ANGRY!!!" Ukyo finally vented through her confusion. As long as he had his anger, he could control the situation.  
  
"Don't worry, Ranma Saotome will bare all to you in just a few minutes," With that, Ranma grabbed Ukyo's legs while Akane grabbed him by the arms, and both carried him quickly into the house, holding firm as their captive thrashed about.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Lil' Suzy swore as she watched the girls carry her love into their den of sin. The little girl didn't want Ukyo to know about her... interests just yet, but fretted about leaving the two perverts on her number one hit list alone with her future husband. Finally after much consideration, Suzy decided that her brave boyfriend to take care of himself for the time being.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"I got the jump rope, Ranma-sama!" Akane cheerfully stated, rushing back from her closet.  
  
"Jump rope?" Ukyo cried, fighting against her handcuffs that were attached to the bedposts, "You're tying me up too?"  
  
"No, silly!" Ranma said in a voice that one would use to slightly condesend a child, "This rope is for tying you up," the pigtailed girl held up a thick nylon rope and snapped it tight, "the jump rope is for testing your gag reflex. Akane, you remember the strap-ons?"  
  
"They're still in the wash."  
  
"Damn, we'll just have to improvise," the redhead mused out loud.  
  
"Improvise? What the Hell you think you're doing?"  
  
Ranma's eyes sparkled as she looked up to the sky, and clasped her hands together over her chest, "Why, me and Akane hope to share an special moment of intimacy, one only three people who care to express ultimate bliss for one another."  
  
"I found the power drill, and I got a potato from downstairs in the kitchen."  
  
Ranma nodded to Akane, then turned back to Ukyo, "It may leave a bit of skin in there, but after a few bowel movements you shouldn't have any problems." Akane nodded enthusiastically as she carefully screwed the drill bit into the potato.  
  
"Akane, maybe it's a good idea to skin it real quick."  
  
"Kay, Ranma-sama."  
  
Ukyo's eyes got wide in realization, "You, you two are perverts!"  
  
"Pervert is a strong word, please use the term 'slutfully inclined' in reference."  
  
"Wait a sec, you guys know a little girl..."  
  
"Little girl, sounds delicious," Ranma interrupted.  
  
Ukyo licked his lips nervously before continuing, "about ten years old, always wearing a frilly blue dress..."  
  
Akane stopped her frantic and impatient motions with the potato peeler, as Ranma dropped the copy of "Nebu Shibari Illustrated" she was referencing.  
  
"I take it you have," Ukyo wryly stated.  
  
"How do you know that little freak of nature?" Ranma growled, her attitude changing to another extreme.  
  
"I know her quite well, I met her after you tried to blow her up in fact..." Ukyo grinned nastily as he noted he struck a raw nerve with both girls, "She's right, you enemy of children!" Ukyo spat out the phrase with as much venom as he could manage.  
  
Ranma gave Ukyo an icy glare, then reached over and tightened the cuffs on the trapped boy's wrists, "Akane, don't worry about skinning the damn potato."  
  
"Uh, Ranma-sama, should we be a bit concerned. I mean what if that was..."  
  
Akane's window shattered as the potato was shot from her hand, "Never mind."  
  
Lil' Suzy jumped through the window frame, and tossed the rifle scope aside, "That's it! I'm sticking with Remington!" The little girl turned to her one true love, "Don't worry Ukyo-sama! I'll save you!"  
  
Both Akane and Ranma yelped, dodging a brown button Heiser knife and slightly rusted butcher knife respectively. The girl then turned around and tossed Ukyo a key then said sweetly, "Always keep a skeleton key on ya. Never know when you'll be handcuffed by perverts!" The girl then went back to swiping at the bane of her existence with fervor.  
  
Both Akane and Ranma leapt from the window, Ranma landing gracefully while Akane landed a bit roughly. Ranma pulled the raven-haired girl out of the way as Suzy landed, digging a war shovel into the ground Akane once sat. Abandoning the makeshift weapon, and figuring that they would be less a problem outside, the young girl brought out twin Beretta Cougars.  
  
Ukyo finally freed himself, and looked out the window at the surreal sight, two girls ran around the yard, frantically dodging bullets from guns wielded by the girl she had met a few weeks ago. Ukyo considered going back into the room and handcuffing herself again. Suddenly, the display before her got a bit weirder.  
  
Ranma dodged to the side, then felt herself suddenly becoming himself. "Oh dear, I guess we won't have American style sun brewed tea," stated a serene voice from inside.  
  
Suzy blinked and stopped shooting, then blinked again to make sure what she saw was real, "Um, did miss pervert become a guy?"  
  
"Hey, I AM a guy!" Ranma proclaimed, as he attempting to salvage what dignity the redheaded smutty version of himself hadn't bled away. The little girl started glowing in a cute pink aura.  
  
"Youuuuu, not only are you a big pervert, you're a big pervert that turns into a CUTE GUY!!!" Lil' Suzy pulled out an M3 Jackhammer shotgun, and yelled in a mannish voice, "MISS PERVERT, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!"  
  
Though his current state was a male, Ranma screamed like a little girl as he leapt straight up, and watched a good heaping portion of the stone wall behind him disappear.  
  
"GET BACK HERE AND DIE MISS PERVERT!!!!" Ranma suffered a flash of survival instinct, and ran in the totally opposite direction of the girl holding a BFG. Ranma got over the wall and onto the next roof, before having to duck.  
  
"SO IT IS YOU, YOU JACKASS!" Ukyo cried, then growled as he just missed neatly separating Ranma's head from his neck.  
  
"Ukyo-sama, move out of the way or I can't get a clear shot!" cried the little girl, leaping onto the roof.  
  
"No way, this bastard is mine!" Ukyo cried out, moving through complex attack patterns, yet none of them managing to produce results as Ranma weaved between the strikes like wisps of smoke.  
  
"Hey! What have I done to you!" the pigtailed boy asked frantically, "I thought we used to be pals!"  
  
"HA! Some pal you are! You and your Pop abandoned me!"  
  
"Whaddya mean? How did we... Pop, you're a dead man fattening when I find ya..."  
  
"Ukyo, catch!" The handsome boy blinked as he stopped to catch what the girl tossed to him.  
  
"Huh? What's this?" Ukyo brought the brown bag to his face, only to have it explode in powder. The boy collapsed suddenly to the roof, unconscious.  
  
"Hey, thanks, I guess you ain't so bad after..." Ranma turned to see the girl taking careful aim with her rather large shotgun.  
  
Finding his voice suddenly an octave higher, Ranma jumped to another roof, barely avoiding the cluster of high-velocity projectiles. Without even turning back, Ranma ran with the little girl surprisingly keeping up with him. Suzy every so often fired a shot that Ranma had to completely change direction to avoid. After a good chance, the pigtailed boy realized something...  
  
Ranma jumped off the roof and looked around at the completely open space, nothing to hide behind. He had been purposely herded.  
  
"I learned my lesson with you Miss Pervert," Lil Suzy jumped from the roof she was looking down from, and slightly approached with her shotgun raised, "So instead of booby traps, I thought you would like to fight it out, one on one."  
  
Ranma looked incredulously at the little girl, "You're gonna fight me? Isn't that, um... well I can't hit you, you're a little girl!"  
  
"Don't worry, you won't get the chance," Lil' Suzy stuck her jackhammer behind her back, "Lil' Suzy militaristic tactics final technique..." the girl brought out a slew of artillery on both arms that Ranma described oh so eloquently...  
  
"GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!!!!!" Every gun barrel, rocket, missile, slingshot, poison tipped arrow fired, grenades and a few missiles launched into the air. Every bit of her deadly arsenal directed to one spot that was occupied by a martial artist imitating a deer in front of a semi in the middle of the night...  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ukyo woke up to see a mushroom cloud in the distance, "Huh? We get bombed again or something?"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Lil' Suzy stonily watched as the smoke cleared from the new crater at the edge of Nerima, and gasped in surprise at the site that was presented.  
  
"No way, NO FUCKING WAY! Nobody could survive that!!!!"  
  
Ranma groaned and attempted to sit up, praising the Saotome luck and whatever sick Kami blessed him with it. His martially honed sense went into overdrive, managing to minimalize the impacts around him, while dodging the bullets. Not much different from the time his Pop convinced that Chinese military outpost to use his son for target practice. Ranma would have never believed his father's insane training exercise would come in valuable one day.  
  
"You are soooo cool!" exclaimed the little girl, "Did you really dodge all that?"  
  
"For the last time... I'm a guy," Ranma weakly mumbled.  
  
"Well, if it's any consolation, IT WON'T MATTER WHERE I'M SENDING YA!" Suzy pulled out a glock. Ranma closed his eye as the girl pulled the trigger, then pulled it again, then pulled it again...  
  
"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Ranma blinked, and then looked up at the girl frantically pulling the trigger of her gun in rage, "DAMN FUCKING PIECE OF JAMMING SHIT, FUCKING AUSTRALIANS CAN'T MAKE A GUN WORTH SPIT!!!!"  
  
The Saotome luck was in rare form.  
  
Ranma summoned all the strength he had left, and dove at the girl. Lil' Suzy was surprised, and instinctively brought about her butcher knife, straight for Ranma's throat.  
  
"I told you, this Jackass is MINE to kill!" Ukyo's voice followed the sound of metal against metal; his combat spatula's head protecting Ranma.  
  
"U-Ukyo-sama?" Lil' Suzy whispered, surprised her love wasn't out for much longer.  
  
"UKYO! LOOK OUT!" Ranma cried out, looking up into the sky. Ukyo followed his gaze, and saw the knife he had just swatted away descending. He pulled back just barely in time to miss his chest getting split open.  
  
The boy squawked as he lost his balance and tipped backwards, causing the young girl to fear the worse as she let out a scream of fright and went to check her future husband.  
  
"Ukyo! UKYO! SPEAK TO ME! Are..." the girl started glowing a brilliant pink as she looked the 'boy' over for wounds. Ranma backed up in a crabwalk, fearing the little girl was going to blame him for hurting Ukyo.  
  
"Youuuuu, you stole my precious little heart, Ukyo. We were going to be husband and wife with a pony and mommy and daddy and the nice man with the cowboy hat and all of mommys boyfriends AND YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND CONFUSE MY DAMN HORMONES!!!!"  
  
Ukyo realized that the travel brochures to the other side of the world might have been much more intriguing than she originally suspected. Ukyo sprinted as soon as she got to her feet, only to have her ankles snagged by a bolo.  
  
With a mad expression on her face, Lil' Suzy brought out a magnum and aimed not even an inch from Ukyo's nose. This time there was a loud bang from the gun.  
  
Ranma turned away, not wanting to see the sight. Akane, who had just arrived, stared wide-eyed as several shots were fired.  
  
"Alright, that's enough you little pip-squeak."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma intelligently stated, as he turned to see Ukyo wiping her face of water. Lil' Suzy's cheeks were streaked as she continued to fire the loud water gun in Ukyo's face. Then the little girl finally wailed and ran back to the houses, leaping onto the rooftops and running away.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Genma sat mangled in the corner of the den, due to Ukyo, Akane, and Otoku-Ranma's combined attempts at pretzel craftsmanship.  
  
"Really, how was I supposed to know what the old fool did to you?" Ranma groused on the porch.  
  
"Maybe, but that doesn't excuse you for your part in all this."  
  
"Hey! I didn't..."  
  
"YOU CHOSE OKANOMIYAKI OVER ME YOU JACKASS!!"  
  
"I said I was sorry," whimpered Ranma.  
  
"Hmph, just like you, Ranma-sama," Akane stated firmly. Just like a boy to be so heartless to a girl, "Ukyo gave up ten years of being a pretty, vibrant, well endowed..." Akane shook her head as her eyes started to glaze over, "...girl."  
  
"Shame really," Ranma replied wistfully, "cause you sure are cute."  
  
"Oh shove it, Ranma..." Ukyo got up and walked into the Tendou house.  
  
"Second thought, you're just as uncute as the tomboy," Ranma stated, his face replacing a segment of the porch banister. 


	22. The Kouhosei Niji Senshi!

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Ryoga trodded through the forest with a heavy heart. For too long he had been away from Ranma, and it tore him apart.  
  
"Ranma, for too long I have been away from you, and it's tearing me apart," thought the boy as he pushed away a branch that blocked his path, "If only I could gaze upon your slate blue eyes again..." The traveling martial artist was brought out of his musings as he heard an explosion in the distance...  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"It's too strong!" Cried the brunette as their combined powers struck the youma.  
  
"Just keep going! My readings are showing that it doesn't have much longer before it collapses, "stated the blond, punching in calculations into the high tech palm pilot.  
  
"I, *huff*, don't know how much longer I can hold out, I'm already completely exhausted!" panted the black haired one with the ponytail. The other three said nothing, standing in line with their compatriots and pouring as much collective energy as they could.  
  
"I got it!" cried the blonde with the futuristic calculator, "We need to get closer together so that a more powerful energy matrix can be formed! Red cadet, put your leg in between Yellow Cadet's, Red, put your left hand close to brush blue's pelvis! Orange, move behind and wrap one arm tenderly around my torso. Purple, let me grind my pelvis sensuously into your backside..." The Yellow cadet gave out orders, and without letting up on the energy pour, all complied until the group of beautiful fighters were locked in a powerful, yet strangely provocative, multi-colored ball.  
  
"It's working! I feel your energy combining with mine like we are one!" cried Cadet Orange, as their combined might became more enhanced.   
  
"Yes, it is truly an uplifting feeling that I share with all of you! Like your closeness gives me strength to face the world!" exclaimed the Blue Cadet. Their combined powers formed a rainbow of energy that the demon could not withstand, and wailed out in pain. The Cadets almost faltered, but before they gave in, their opponent exploded in a brilliant color shower.  
  
"We, we did it..." mumbled the thoroughly exhausted Yellow Cadet, crumbling to the ground, the transformation magic wearing off after the final drain of energy. The Yellow fighter's comrades soon joined in passing out.  
  
Ryoga leapt down into to investigate the fallen group, putting aside that he had just found a Japanese town in the middle of the East European forest, and was extremely surprised at the site, almost suffering a fatal nosebleed...  
  
"Biff? Chad? Marvin?  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Would you like some more beer, Mr. Saotome?" Kasumi asked, raising another bottle to pour.  
  
"Why yes, thank you dear," Genma replied, bringing his mug to bare, when the container broke off from it's handle. "What's this?"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Soun gracefully moved through his kata after finishing his light spar with his friend. The Anything Goes master came to a rest, and went to join Genma, when a crash came from behind him.  
  
"An omen," Soun breathed as he looked at the fallen shrine, "Something evil is coming." Upon the realization of what he just said, the Tendou patriarch rushed out the dojo to ball about it to his friend.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Nabiki tried hard to concentrate on her ledger, failing to block out the moaning and wailing sounds coming from her younger sister's room. Nabiki took a deep breath and went back to writing, only to hear a crack.  
  
"Huh? I know this pen is more durable then this."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane ceased her wailing, and then screamed in frustration.  
  
"DAMMIT! Batteries are dead!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
A gray haired man in a meticulous business suit looked over the latest weapon that was to be sent out to destroy his hated foes that stand in his way, "Soon, my latest creation, you will be my ultimate of the code: Youma project, and the end to those cursed Kouhosei Senshi.  
  
"Um, sir, you know it's been ready for a while now, how come we haven't released it to reign terror upon a hapless populace, attracting the attention of the currently weakened Kouhosei Senshi. At their state they would be almost defenseless against it.  
  
The gray haired man, Sensei Akuyashi was his name by the way, blinked at the recommendation, "yes, make it so, glad I thought of it."  
  
"You couldn't think if we shoved a nine-volt up your ass to jumpstart your damn..." the second mumbled as she initiated the transport commands  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Genma! Something evil is heading this way!" cried Soun, running and grasping his friend's gi.  
  
"Now, Tendou old pal, what's got you so worried?"  
  
"I... I fear the mas... that 'he' may be..." Soun couldn't continue as he started to ball even heavier into his friend's shirt. Genma moved his arms around in a comforting hug.  
  
"There, there. Nothing to be this upset about, now." Genma continued to try to console his whining training partner, when both of them suddenly stopped. Soun pulled his face from the stout man's gi, and they looked into each other's eyes...  
  
Then promptly put some distance between each other  
  
"Uh, how about a BEER, Tendou old BUDDY. Old TRAINING partner!"  
  
"Yes, a MANLY beer may be just the thing to calm my nerves.  
  
"Yes, and while we're at it, let's look at pictures of naked WOMEN! It's the MANLY thing to do."  
  
"I agree, STRICTLY friend that I have NO interest in other than completely platonic." Soun had forgotten about the omen.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma had gone to make himself a sandwich, and was detoured as there was a knock at the door, "Yo, what can I..."  
  
"Ranma? When did you start working at the Munich Hospital?" Ryoga asked out loud, "Oh Ranma, to volunteer your time to help those in another country, how selfless you are." Was the thought that ran through his mind.  
  
"Me-uun-iku?" Ranma enquired, "Whatja babbling about, Porky?" Ranma then blinked as he saw the five weary, yet still extra-ordinarily handsome guy standing behind his rival, "Who're they?"  
  
Ryoga blinked, remembering about his companions, and became slightly nervous, "Well, um, that is, well... ha ha ha haaaa."  
  
"Been out in the sun too long, bacon brain? I think you're noggin's starting to sizzle." Ryoga growled at Ranma's taunt, he had to overlook the pigtailed boy's shortcomings; one of the foundations of a relationship was tolerance.  
  
"Oh, hello Ryoga, I see you've brought guests along?" Kasumi said at the door, saving everyone from an awkward situation, "Would you all like to come in? I can prepare some tea if you'd like."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Um, I would think you would be a bit more, um, private about this," Akane stated, a bit puzzled at how forward the five men were.  
  
"No, we believe that by being open about it, we won't fuel people's intolerances by ignorance," Stated Marvin, the strikingly handsome blond man.  
  
"I... see."  
  
"Well I for one would rather not have a secret identity. I'm just like 'Here I am World! Accept me for who I am! A Binashi Kouhosei Niji Senshi'!" proclaimed shorthaired chestnut haired man, standing up and striking a pose.  
  
"Sit down Biff, you're making a scene," reprimanded Chad as he started tugging on the other man's pant leg.  
  
Biff looked chagrined, "I'm sorry if I upset you, Chad," he said as he quietly sat back down.  
  
"Aww, you didn't upset me. Look, I just want you to behave, okay?"  
  
Biff blushed, "O-okay."  
  
"Er... right..." said Nabiki before turning to the guest they already knew, "Ryoga, tell us how you came to know these... gentlemen?"  
  
"HUH? HAHAHAHAAAA! You see, it's a really funny story and..."  
  
Mike stopped sipping his tea, and decided to be helpful, "He wandered into the nightclub those three frequent and got gang ban..."  
  
"YES! I GOT GANG BANE! You know how those multiple injuries just pop up with us martial artists, all that training can cause lots of injuries!" interrupted Ryoga, his hand over the pony tailed man's mouth.  
  
After the explanation, Ryoga relaxed, "And stretch marks around your fudge ho-" Ryoga's hand went back to Mike's mouth.  
  
"Yo, Porker, why you acting so nervous?"  
  
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Growled the raven-haired and meticulously groomed man.  
  
"Calm down, Jin, he didn't mean anything by it," placated Marvin over his cup, "Ranma, I notice you have consistently insulted poor Ryoga here with pig references..."  
  
"Well, that's because he turns into a..." Ranma started.  
  
"No, no, allow me to finish. Perhaps your porcine references stem from some sort of insecurity you feel towards your friend here. Belittling him in order to keep an emotional distance betwixt you."  
  
"Hey, I ain't insecure about noth'n," proclaimed Ranma.  
  
Marvin reached into the satchel he had with him, and started to pull out something, "Ranma, I think I may have something for you that may explain a few things, and show you that you don't need to hide your feelings..."  
  
Ryoga's eye caught the blue book, only needing to read the title to 'Am I...'  
  
"What the hell's wrong with you, Ryoga?" Ranma asked, incredulously.  
  
"This... isn't proper behavior in someone else's home!" Marvin stated a bit aggravated, trying to dislodge Ryoga's body from his satchel.  
  
"Ranma isn't much for reading! He REALLY doesn't need to see this yet!" Ryoga stated, still holding his body on the satchel, like a soldier that just dove on a grenade to save his comrades.  
  
"You're acting pretty screwy with these guys around," Akane stated, staring curiously at the fanged boy.  
  
"JUST what are you trying to imply?" Jin growled as he shot to standing.  
  
"Oh, sit down, she didn't mean anything by it," commanded Marvin.  
  
"Annnyyyyways, exactly what happened to you guys? You looked like you were pretty beat," said Akane, attempting to quell a scene before it started.  
  
"We had fought a powerful youma, created by most vile individuals that wants to enslave all of society," stated Mike calmly.  
  
"A demon created by an evil organization or kingdom that is bent on taking over our dimension, I presume," Nabiki asked with a half lidded stare.  
  
"Oh no! They're members of the Diet! They want ultimate conformity of everyone to fit in their views!" cried Biff adamantly.  
  
"Well, this IS Japan," Akane said in a monotone voice.  
  
"But they want to uniform lifestyle for everyone, the complete and perfect cardboard cutout society that would be their image of Utopia." Chad supplied, while attempting to calm down Biff.  
  
"Well, as my sister said, this is..." Nabiki started in the same monotone voice, "So, uh, who you guys work for?"  
  
"We are fighting for the return of a glorious utopia, the Rainbow Kingdom!"  
  
And then there was silence.   
  
Mike broke the silence by sipping his tea.  
  
Then silence reigned again.  
  
"The... Rainbow kingdom?" Ranma asked incredulously, that had to be one of the most ridiculous things he had ever heard.  
  
"You guys come up with that yourselves?" Nabiki was finding all this just a touch harder to swallow than the usual occurrences around the dojo.  
  
"Wait... do you guys feel it? That exiting feeling of violation in the air." Marvin asked, sitting still as he felt for something.  
  
"Yes, it's a powerful one, even stronger than anything we've faced before!" Chad stated nervously.  
  
"Oh no! We haven't had time to fully recover yet!"  
  
"Hey, you guys worried about something! No prob, I bet I can take care of it," Ranma stated confidently. Ryoga felt himself go a flutter at the proclamation.  
  
"Oh Ranma, these are the moments that keep me up at night," the fanged boy thought to himself.  
  
"Oh WOW! You're a fighter too?" Biff exclaimed with stars in his eyes, "What special attacks you have? Is it something cool like the Radiant Blue Surge? Or how about the Crimson..."  
  
"Biff, you're babbling," chided Chad.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"We have no time for this, the punk needs to stay home, its way too dangerous for him to get in the way," Jin growled.  
  
"I'm afraid he's right, please just stay here, we wouldn't want to see you harmed," Marvin agreed.  
  
"Hey! I..." Ranma started, before feeling Akane's hand on his shoulder. He grumbled under his breath, but didn't argue the point.  
  
"Okay, let's go!" The five visitors quickly left to meet their latest challenge. Once they were a distance away, Ranma didn't look back as he quickly took to the roofs in pursuit.  
  
"Ranma! I won't let any harm come to you!" Ryoga adamantly stated as he rushed after his rival/interest, keeping a close (and pleased) eye on him.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Crimson Courage, SUIT UP!" Jin touched the rainbow dangling earring on his right ear, beginning his Senshi transformation.  
  
"Purple Unconscious Love, SUIT UP!" Shouted Mike, starting his transformation.  
  
"Blue Desire, SUIT UP!" Chad touched his earring.  
  
"Orange Healthy Curiosity, SUIT UP!" Biff started his transformation.  
  
IN the place of five men around the age of twenty, stood five men dressed in colored cadet suits with military fold hats, small bowties around their necks, and hot pants. Sentinels of freedom of choice, five enemies of intolerance, five soldiers of blind love, the Binashi Kouhosei Niji Senshi.  
  
"Over there! I see it!" cried Yellow, pointing up the street.  
  
"It's so... big," mumbled Orange in awe.  
  
"Eh, we can take it all," sniffed Red with his arms crossed.  
  
"HA HA HA HAAAA!" Cried a disembodied voice of their great enemy, the master of the withering abominable mass heading towards them, "I hope you enjoy my latest Youma, the Sodimizer! It will be the last battle you ever take in!"  
  
"We've taken bigger than this!" Blue attempted to bluff, though it had been the biggest he had seen. He was practically drooling in anticipation, of the battle.  
  
"It's not the size that counts," said Sinister Sensei Akuyashi, "But allow the Sodimizer to prove itself to you."  
  
"Yellow Freedom of Choice, SUIT UP!"  
  
"And what took YOU so long?" Growled Red Kouhosei Senshi.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"You're act of obliviousness is probably a safeguard from your true feelings of your peers. Perhaps this will enlighten you..."  
  
Kuno thought back on the words of the foreigner as he looked through the book he was given. The kendoist found a lot of it making sense...  
  
"And why would any man not want to look upon my majestic personage? I... the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, lives to inspire awe in both woman and man!  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Never mind that, we must destroy this evil, yet sensuously masculine, creature," Yellow stated, waving off the question, "ATTACK! GOLDEN SHOWER!!!"  
  
The yellow cadet spun several times, then stopped as he dragged his hands from his waist to his chest, raising them into the air. Two beams of yellow energy shot from his palms into the sky, then split into several beams that rained down on the creature. The pink mass of dancing protrusions almost didn't seem to notice it.  
  
"It's too powerful for single attacks! Let us use our new combined attack!" The other three nodded in agreement and moved into position.  
  
"Was my hip supposed to be tilted like this?"  
  
"It felt much more comfortable before..."  
  
"Quit touching there, it's distracting!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma watched from the roof of a nearby house, looking extremely puzzled.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Binashi Kouhosei Niji Senshi combined attack; RAINBOW ORGY!!!!" All five cried out, as their combined energy formed a rainbow matrix and slammed into the slowly approaching Youma. The creature's motion ceased for a bit, before it continued against the beam.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma braced to assist at the sign of the group in serious trouble.  
  
"DON'T!"  
  
Barely managing to arrest his leap, Ranma toppled onto his face, "What the?" The pigtailed boy found himself face to face with a rainbow colored weasel with a pink triangle on it's forehead.  
  
"That Youma is too powerful for you to even consider fighting against, take this and you'll receive the power you'll need to help the Senshi."  
  
"Huh? What's this?" Ranma asked, looking at the clip-on earring he was given.  
  
"Put it on your right ear, and you'll know what to do next..."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?" Ryoga cried, enjoying the sensual feel of gelatin seeping over his body as an audience of Japanese businessmen looked on.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma looked down at the outfit he was wearing, completely mute. The cap on his head was a distraction, the vibrant almost glowing red color of it made him an incredibly visual target, the bowtie was nearly choking him, and the pants were way too tight to be maneuverable in. Lastly, there was something else about the outfit that made him feel... uncomfortable.  
  
"You are a destined protector of the Rainbow Kingdom, and one of the most powerful of the Senshi; one of the 'Unseen color Senshi'. Your might comes from inferred," the talking weasel stated proudly.  
  
Ranma was still mute as he stared at himself.  
  
"You are actually reincarnated from the first Rainbow kingdom, brought back to defend freedom of..."  
  
Ranma continued to stare at himself, not even acknowledging the speech of the weasel, or the masculine screams of violation in the background.  
  
"Um, now would be a good time to help your fellow Kouhosei Senshi..."  
  
Ranma answered by calmly taking off the earring, reverting back to his regular clothing, and walked away.  
  
"Hey! Where you going?"  
  
"Home."  
  
"But... what about..."  
  
Ranma didn't even look back.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma sat watching the TV, ignoring the guests who were sitting rather uncomfortably on extremely soft pillows. Nabiki wiped the tears from her eyes, trying to catch her breath, while Akane looked flushed and holding her own chuckles in.  
  
"I'm gonna be aborting for weeks," grumbled Jin.  
  
"At least it was somewhat gentle," Biff stated meekly.  
  
"Oh my, I guess that is a good thing," Kasumi added in a serene voice, "would you like some more butt salve?"  
  
Peace had been restored once again, thanks to the Binashi Kouhosei Niji Senshi. 


	23. Something Evil this way comes

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
Cologne sat in meditation, contemplating her new subject of interest. At first the wizened elder found a veritable well of entertainment in which she hadn't experienced in years, but after the race...  
  
The old Amazon decided it was best to give the pigtailed one some space. The aura of perversion that the young one gave off was extremely potent, and large. For a battle aura it was one of the greatest she had come across, Amazon Elder or no. Problem is it seemed to control *her* more than the redhead could control it.  
  
Cologne also had to wonder about why the young man acted in such a fashion in his cursed form. Maybe it was an excuse for the young man to act out on impulses that he believed he couldn't get away with. The only thing wrong with that theory was that the redhead's aura was almost always present, except for the times when she was a he. Maybe it was a deeper suppression of his emotions than what would be healthy, given release in a major way; his mind may have snapped at the shock at being cursed and gave him a case of Multiple Personality Disorder.  
  
Whatever it was, Cologne decided that it would be the most prudent thing for her to train this young girl in control. There was just one thing nagging at her. A memory that was just at the tip of consciousness. The girl's perversion aura wasn't anything she hadn't felt before. It probably was stronger than the one she had came across in the past, but it wasn't as refined. Even the matriarch at the time was smitten by it, not realizing the effects it was having on....  
  
The old woman's eyes went wide, realizing who she was thinking about, "Greatest of Ancestors, if HE were around and the two of them met...."  
  
Shampoo ran into her Great-Grandmother's room afraid and concerned while holding a paper bag, "Great Grandmother, breath deeply in bag. Is good, breath out, breath in...." Shampoo patted her Elder's back in comfort, as Cologne inhaled and exhaled into the bag.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Somewhere, in the mountains of Japan....  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Kasumi blissfully busied herself in the kitchen as her father and Genma sat uncomfortably on the other side of the table from Soun.  
  
"So, Tendou ol' PAL ol' only FRIEND in the strictest sense, how about a few games of shogi to pass the time?"  
  
"Good idea, Saotome just good FRIEND. And we can share a bit of sake between two HETEROSEXUAL friends."  
  
"Ahem, if you two are finished securing your sexuality..." both martial artists turned to see Cologne sitting calmly on one side of the table, sipping a cup of tea that Kasumi provided.  
  
"We were doing no such thing," gruffed Soun, "Me and my associate in the UNROMANTIC sense were just discussing how to spend our afternoon."  
  
Cologne looked up from her cup, "Methinks doth protest a trifle too much." Both Soun and Genma went to argue against, then thought best of it.  
  
The elder chuckled a bit, but then recalled the reason for her visit, "Back to business, I need to know the whereabouts of the Anything Goes Master."  
  
"Uh, me and Tendou here are the current masters..." Genma sweated nervously as Soun went stiff as a board.  
  
"I'm not referring to you, I mean what happened to Happos-" Cologne was thoroughly surprised by the speed in which both martial artists as they leapt at her.  
  
"Hmm, most impressive, you two are quite the masters you claim to be," Cologne complimented, sipping from her cup once again, her staff held out horizontally. Each end pointed towards one of the Anything Goes Masters, Genma imbedded face-first into one wall, while Soun's back muscles were frantically realigning his spine from where it nearly shattered from impact into the other wall.  
  
"Must... never... say his... name," Soun said, face a stoic mask holding in a wonderful universe of agony.  
  
Genma peeled his face away from the barrier like so much wallpaper, "Yes, to say his name would bring his curse upon us."  
  
"So I trust he is still around?" Cologne's worst fears were starting to gain more substance from plausibility.  
  
"We... laid him to rest several years ago," Soun said somberly.  
  
"Oh? Then why do you fear Happosai's return?" The old Amazon asked curiously. Even she doubted the pervert from her past could recover from the finality of Death. She wouldn't put it past him though. Cologne waited for an answer.  
  
"Tendou Soun? Tendou?" Cologne poked him with her staff, "Oh dear, I've knocked him unconscious." She then turned to Genma, who has wisely not attacked her at the mention of their evil master's name, and chose to babble instead.  
  
"He'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realldoomedhe'scomingwe'realltotallyfucked."  
  
The Elder sighed, and decided to find the whereabouts instead of Ranma. Perhaps making a few contingencies would be most prudent, "Kasumi, where had Son-in-law went off to?"  
  
"Someone's married Shampoo? How nice!" Kasumi said cheerfully from the kitchen. Soun's head rolled out of the hole in the dining table, as his body slumped to the floor. Genma fell backwards, still chanting his mantra.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"It's a form of greeting behavior, or reconciliation. Possibly food exchange behavior," explained the Zoologist that was leading the small group around, "It's certainly not sex, not lesbian sex, not... hot... lesbian sex. Now if you'll excuse me..." The zoo guide turned and called out for crew, "Somebody get the hose, Missy and Awachan are acting up again!"  
  
Ranma and Akane loved coming to the zoo, they got to see so many interesting exhibits. They also got to share the experience this time with the group of children openly gawking at the two apes rubbing together while screaming at the top of their lungs.  
  
"Mommy, are they hurting each other?" asked one frightened girl.  
  
"No honey, they're... yes, they are hurting each other, really really badly. You should never hurt another girl the way they are doing to each other. Now let's go to the nice asexual species exhibit."  
  
"This exhibit is looking pretty asexual to me..." commented one older bystander.  
  
"Hey, 'Kane, you tak'n notes? They've got pretty good technique," Ranma-chan asked, munching on a bag of peanuts. Akane was quickly jotting on a paper pad.  
  
"Ranma-sama, have you noticed that every time we come here, we see something peculiar."  
  
"Now Akane, there's nothing peculiar about the instinctual mating habits of the animal kingdom. You wanna go to the duck bill platypus exhibit and see if they're doing the threesome again?" Ranma paused in thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have two vaginas?"  
  
Akane pursed her lips a bit in thought, "I'd rather go see the deer lock horns again."  
  
"Not a bad idea, who woulda thought male deer masturbate in such a way? Makes ya kinda want antlers," Ranma started towards the deer exhibits and paused, "Wha, what's that?"  
  
"Uh, it's a spider monkey," Akane said, slightly puzzled at the question. Ranma said nothing, as she grabbed Akane's hands and started towards the zoo exit.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"AKANE!!!!" The brown blur bounced from each young girl, gaining a snort of derision from each of them as they fluffed their dresses and skirts back down. After a while, the bouncing ball stopped moving, revealing itself to be an energetic midget. It gleefully went from girl to girl, exercising it's intent of perversion. Until, that is, it realized it wasn't getting its usual reaction from practicing said exercise upon the female persuasion.  
  
"Hmm? What's wrong with all the pretty ladies?" local commentary clued him in.  
  
"Hmph, what a sad old man," sniffed one girl, looking down on the old man condescendingly.  
  
"Let him have his harmless gropes," another said dismissively, "He's nowhere near as bad as Ranma."  
  
"Yeah, Ranma stole my innocence in four point two seconds flat."  
  
"Feh, my maidenhood was taken in three point seven!"  
  
"Ha, she stole MY chastity in three point one!"   
  
"You were already curious in the first place!"  
  
"Well, she didn't ask first!" The girls argued over which was taken advantage of the fastest, while Happosai blinked in confusion.  
  
"Say, who's this Ranma fellow anyhow?" The old martial artist queried.  
  
"SHE'S only the greatest pervert in Nerima, if not all of Japan!" one girl stated, her disgust and awe warring in each syllable. The old man had to flinch; a GIRL has usurped his crown while he was indisposed.  
  
"Oh really?" the old man challenged, "I'll just have to meet this Ranma."  
  
"You probably will; she's not going to like you poaching on her territory!"  
  
"I'd like to see her try and stop me," the miniature man said, puffing out his chest, and to solidify his rebellion, leapt at the nearest female chest.  
  
Akane blinked as she looked down at the midget groping her chest, "What's this?"  
  
"Looks like a little troll. How's it feel?"  
  
Akane mused for a moment, "Well, he has strong hands. They almost seem to be everywhere at once. He managed to remove my bra with me barely noticing, that was pretty impressive, I guess. His hands are kind of clammy though, and he's getting a bit forceful."  
  
"Hmm, lemme see..." Ranma plucked the midget off of Akane's chest, and allowed him to attach to her own, "Well, seems to be kinda rushed, and I get no pleasure out of this at all. Takes all the enjoyment out of it. Excellent technique, but very little style..."  
  
"YOU DARE CRITISIZE MY TECHNIQUE?!" The midget shouted, indignified by the commentary during his grope.  
  
Ranma plucked the old man off the ground, and walked up to a nearby girl, "How's this feel to you?"  
  
The girl shrugged as her chest was groped, "Well, kind of demeaning. Like I need to take a bath and scrub excessively hard until the crawling sensation stops. Also a bit too generic for my tastes."  
  
"So what's the final score, 'Kane?" The girl in question held up a 5.7.  
  
"Say, you said her name's Akane? As in Tendou Akane?" The old man asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah, that's her alright," Ranma replied curiously.  
  
"OH AKANE!!! DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?!?"   
  
Akane gave a half lidded gaze to the oncoming projectile, not even bothering to put up a guard as he flew at her chest.  
  
Her unconcern was validated, just not in the way intended, as a wooden staff drove Happosai into the ground, "HAPPOSAI!"  
  
"Was that really necessary?" Ranma asked Cologne with a snort.  
  
"Yes, and you better high tail it out here, girl. This one's too dangerous for you to deal with."  
  
"How can you say that about a harmless old man?" Happosai asked, sitting in lotus position on top of Cologne's staff with teary eyes, "You're such a mean old lady!" Happosai immediately perked up, "I know what'll cheer ya up!"  
  
Cologne found herself forced onto the defensive, surprising Ranma and Akane as the old Amazon was forced to give up ground. Suddenly both leapt into the air to continue their duel, seeming to hover for a few seconds before gravity called a penalty. As soon as the two elder fighters landed, they broke apart.  
  
"That was some workout," Happosai commented cheerfully, "You're defiantly looking younger from it."  
  
Cologne began to move for another attack, but found herself a bit more restricted, "Wha? Where?"  
  
"Bra looks good on ya," commented Ranma with an appraising look.  
  
"Uber series C-12, I believe, B cup," added Akane.  
  
"Hmm, you girls seem to know your stuff. Who are you, cutie?"  
  
"Ranma Saotome." Happosai perked up at Ranma's family name, Cologne grimaced.  
  
"You really should have kept your mouth shut, daughter-in-law."  
  
"Oh-ho! So you're an Amazon bride!" cheered the old lecher, "Who's the lucky stiff?"  
  
"Shampoo no stiff," the lavender haired Amazon said haughtily.  
  
"Great Granddaughter, your timing is, as usual, impeccable," commented Cologne as she stared at the flattened little man under Shampoo's bike tire.  
  
"Shampoochan! I've missed you!" Akane said sweetly, and approached the other girl. Onna-Ranma twitched slightly, at the youngest Tendou's declaration.  
  
"Wife no touch Shampoo," the young Amazon stated idly as she resheathed her butterfly sword.  
  
"And you, daughter-in-law," Cologne started in a soft, warm voice, "if you don't remove your hands from my breasts, betrothed to my Great Granddaughter or not..."  
  
"Hey, I was just curious, bra actually makes you kinda firm."  
  
"You really think so, Daughter-in-law?" the matriarch asked, tugging at one of its cups, and then posing a bit.  
  
"What's you're beef with the old freak, old ghoul?" Ranma asked, helping a startled Akane back to her feet, while the raven-haired girl adjusted her shirt to accommodate the new opening across the chest.  
  
"Yeah, what do you have against me?" Said the new attachment to Shampoo's chest. Shampoo blinked a couple of times, then curiously looked down.  
  
"Oh... shit..." three voices whispered in unison.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Don't worry boys, I forgive ya," Happosai said, smoking his pipe peacefully upon the backs of his former students. "It just so happens that I ain't gett'n any younger, that it's time for one of you to take over the Anything Goes School..."  
  
"Sorry, Master, but I just remembered I'm moving to China."  
  
"I'm with him."  
  
"Feh, pathetic, Pandachan," Ranma said, rolling her eyes at the spectacle.  
  
"Why, Ranma's the PERFECT candidate! I'll even sign all my parental responsibilities and custody to you." Genma said, grabbing the redhead by the shoulders. Happosai's ears perked up.  
  
"Ranma, you say her name's RANMA?!?!?"  
  
"Yup, you heard right," stated the girl in question. Happosai immediately shot to his feet.  
  
"So, you're supposedly the great pervert."  
  
"Oh no, master, you are certainly the greatest pervert!" placated Genma, feeling his master's aura rising little by little.  
  
"Don't know any bigger," Ranma stated with a shrug.  
  
"Hmm, shame you're a girl."  
  
"Oh, and what is THAT supposed to mean?" Ranma asked, a blizzard in her voice.  
  
"Means I can't take you on as a student, wouldn't survive my training for a day." the old martial artist said wistfully, "So sad to see such potential wasted on one so fair." Happosai turned to the sound of pouring water.  
  
"HEY! That's HOT!" cried a boy Happosai hadn't seen before!  
  
"Now he's a boy! He isn't much to look at, but he cleans up pretty well!"  
  
"Oh, now he'll do!" Happosai said, inspecting the youth. Such a strapping young man and hormonally healthy to boot! He would make a fine heir to his school for sure.  
  
"There ain't noth'n I'll do for you, old freak," Ranma stated curtly, folding his arms together.  
  
"Boy, you'll do whatever he tells you, he's your new master now," Genma said solemnly, his grave attitude spoiled by the tiny beads of sweat running down his brow, as his eyes twitched every so often back to the founding master of the Anything Goes School.  
  
"Hmph, not like he's got anything to teach me," Ranma sniffed in distain, before turning away.  
  
"You think so, huh?"  
  
"Don't think..."  
  
"Isn't that the truth," Nabiki piped in. Ranma turned and glared at the middle Tendou sister.  
  
"I don't think, I know."  
  
Happosai hopped off of Soun's back, and took a puff of his pipe, "Very well then, I challenge you..."  
  
"Hey, anytime, you old freak! I'm ready for ya!" Ranma braced himself confidently for a battle.  
  
"Well then, here are the terms of the fight..."  
  
Everyone paled at the grounds Happosai had laid for the contest.  
  
"No, oh no, ohnononononononononono," Akane whispered, she knew this was going to get out of hand.  
  
"I think I have enough for me and one other to leave the country, coming Kasumi?"  
  
"I'm ready," the eldest Tendou daughter called out, lugging a heavy suitcase behind her.  
  
"Huh? Kasumi?" Ranma asked.  
  
The girl in question jumped, "Uh, I always wanted to travel," Kasumi stated nervously, "Um, who are you? Are you one of Akane's little friends?" Ranma's eyes narrowed in suspicion.  
  
"Nabiki! How can you leave your poor father behind!" wailed the Tendou Patriarch.  
  
Ranma's mouth opened and closed like a suffocated fish. This was bad, badbadbadbadbad.  
  
"Ranma-baby, for what it's worth," Nabiki placed a supporting hand on the agitated boy's shoulder, "I hope he fucks you over so far that you are gonna be shitting through your nose."  
  
"Nabiki!" Akane cried, scandalized. Happosai narrowed his eyes and smiled to himself, this was going to be fun.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
From the wall, Cologne observed as the challenge was issued, and everyone's reaction, "Son-in-law, what Hells have you doomed us all to?" The elder contemplated it for a moment, and then brought a paper bag back to her mouth, feeling another attack coming on. 


	24. Let the Games BEGIN!

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"Ranma-sama, he's just a dirty old man. He doesn't mean anything!" Akane pleaded, making a vain attempt to get Ranma to back down from the challenge. Unfortunately, the Saotome was firm.  
  
"No way, I got issued a challenge, and as a student of the Saotome Anything Goes School of Martial arts, I must answer ALL challenges. Even if they are made by perverted freaks of nature.  
  
Akane got on her hands and knees, begging now, "Please, be reasonable. Once your other half gets into this... Think of all the innocents that will be caught up in this!" Akane went silent as she watched Ranma eye the glass of water in his hand, "Ra-Ranma-sama, just reconsider..."  
  
Ranma sighed before replying, "Look, I wasn't planning on bringing her into this anyhow. If I'm gonna beat the ol' pervert, I'm doing it as a guy."  
  
"AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT?!?" Akane yelled, finally venting her frustration, then looked down timidly for yelling.  
  
"You know 'she's' gonna punish your for that one, "Ranma said with a half lidded gaze, then started gulping down his glass of water. Akane nodded without meeting her fiancée's eyes. Ranma had to wonder at the small smile on Akane's face as she started to tighten her thighs together. Truth be told, Ranma knew that it just wasn't possible, but if he could get one over the little troll before cold water hit him, he would be scott free. He was quite proud of his plan.  
  
"Ranma-sama, when you're a guy, do you even... well...?"  
  
"Uh, sure, what's there to it?" Ranma asked bringing the glass back to his mouth to finish the rest.  
  
"Oh dear, I didn't see you there, Ra... er Akane's friend. Um, I have to.. um, is that a scuff of dirt? I must go clean it right away!"  
  
The Redhead and Akane looked at each other puzzled.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ukyo looked intently at the book, then turned it sideways in bewilderment, then right side up again. Finally, the girl tossed the book over her shoulder, deciding not to give it any more thought. Nabiki saw the whole process, as she walked up to the chef behind the grill.  
  
"What was that all about?" The middle Tendou daughter asked.  
  
"Some blond guy gave me that book, thinking I was a boy. Guess the Jackass thought I liked boys or something."  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow at the comment, the gesture not going unnoticed by Ukyo.  
  
"Though, of COURSE I like boys! I AM one hundred percent woman!" Ukyo stated, making an attempted save with the reaffirmation of her orientation.  
  
"You defiantly look womanly enough for me, but I wouldn't mind checking to be sure." Nabiki replied with a hungry grin, causing Ukyo to back away from the grill nervously, absently grabbing for her battle spatula.  
  
Switching back to a more business appropriate facade, the shorthaired girl continued, "I have other business though. I understand Ranma and his father took advantage of you..." Nabiki let a slight smirk cross her face as the other girl let out a low growl, "They're doing that to my family now."  
  
"Well, why don't you just kick them out?" Ukyo enquired.  
  
"Not that easy, as long as my Dad believes that there's a chance for Ranma marrying any of us, they're staying put. And from the looks of things, my little sister is keeping the option open."  
  
"So? What does that have to do with me?"  
  
"You don't want to see the same thing that happened to you happen to my little sister, do you?"  
  
Ukyo thought about it a bit, she didn't like the idea at all. She kind of liked Akane, and felt they could be friends. After all, she didn't have any since moving to Nerima, and it was time to make some, "Whatja got planned?"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
The first day of the contest came, and Ranma decided the first thing she needed to do, was get to know her opponent. What she observed made her scoff in contempt.  
  
Happosai bounded from roof to roof, out of range of the outraged women storming behind him, "Whatta Haul! Whatta Haul!!!!"  
  
"This is the limit of your perversion?" Ranma stated, clearly unimpressed when she intercepted the old master.  
  
"Limits? We're just warming up!" Happosai chuckled, adjusting the rather slim and under stocked bag over his shoulder.  
  
"Hmph, looks like your pickings are kinda small," Ranma chided.  
  
"Oh really?" Happosai retorted with a smug grin, and then opened up his gi. Ranma's left eye twitched at the sight of all the layers of clothing the ancient pervert was wearing.  
  
"I do NOT want those back," a feminine voice from the street stated, a slight queasiness underlying its tone.  
  
Round to: Happosai  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Happosai flitted from girl to girl, flipping up their skirts and adding to his collection, much to the each of his victim's chagrins. He relished the attention he was receiving, so it was quite disserting when it was removed from him.  
  
"Mommy! Look at the ponies!" One little girl exclaimed in glee. Pedestrians parted out of the way to allow a Romanesque chariot pulling a proudly grinning redhead and her much more subdued raven-haired cohort, each dressed in togas. As much a sight as the pair made, it was nothing compared to the ponies that pulled their chariot; the Furinkan gymnastics team, complete with bridles and tails that swished realistically.  
  
Happosai had paused in mid leap as he was staring at his opponent, suspended in the act of taking yet another prize from a young girl, before gravity called him down to earth and made him commence landing by his face. Nerima's main street was exceptionally quiet, except for a young girl's childish glee and loud clapping at all the pretty, under clad, horses.  
  
Round to: Ranma  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Happosai bound rooftop to rooftop, his bag of ill-gotten gain bouncing on his shoulder. This time no one gave him chase, and he was able to collect his choice of treasure without interference. The old master felt a tinge of disappointment, as part of the fun was being chased.  
  
Ranma stoically watched the ancient pervert bound over the neighborhood, and gave a shudder. Even she had to admit, Happosai's latest stunt in lechery was most impressive. It's not everyone who can take such a beautiful, pure, and natural art such as nudism, and turn it into such a twisted, dirty, and wholly unnatural act of perversion.  
  
Happosai laughed as he ran, the cool wind against his skin, and the feeling of parts jiggling that only the elderly can jiggle so well.  
  
Round to: Happosai  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Ranma opened up a 'gentleman's' creamery....  
  
Round to: Ranma  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
The battle waged, each contestant gaining a point right after the other as they engaged in acts of perversion unlike anything seen publicly (and probably privately) in Japan.  
  
Happosai's stunts ranged from blocking all the exits in a Feminist's convention, then spiking the punch with a powerful, and not to mention extremely illegal, aphrodisiac; to the 'Puke arousal' incident. Ranma had attempted to instigate acts in public, such as one that would be underlined in California state law in section 597f with intention towards a now over terrified dog of the neighbor's (even Happosai had to assist with putting a stop to that one, to despoiled Ranma-chan's body in such a manner not even he could tolerate).  
  
At the moment, there was a standoff of sorts; neither party gaining an upper hand. Ranma and Akane outlined potential ideas in order to best their challenger, but found their listed options sorely lacking.  
  
"Wow, you two are so evenly matched," Akane stated, taking a large gulp of Gatorade to help replenish her body liquids, Ranma's last act-slash-business venture really drained her.  
  
Ranma finished his forth bottle of the sports drink in thirty minutes, and scowled. One upping the other pervert was getting to be difficult, though she took satisfaction that he seemed to be having as difficult time with it as the redhead. Ranma's index finger clicked down on the button of the peripheral in her hand, and studied the display in front of her intently.  
  
"Hmm, that looks promising," commented Akane, watching the animated gif of the joys of circus midgets with oversized cowboy hats, bull horns, and water hoses.  
  
"Na, the old goat probably has something similar in mind, he's about the right height," replied the redhead, before gulping down another bottle of liquid, "Damn dehydration."  
  
"At least you're not experiencing stomach cramps," Akane stated, "Though I still feel a little... raw... down there."  
  
Ranma clicked on another web link, and her face became solid with determination, "This will work."  
  
"Huh? What is..." Akane voice was cut off, by the acrid taste of bile that was trying to force it's way up her throat.  
  
Ranma stood up and started towards the door out of Akane's room. Before she reached it, she turned and tossed a shovel to the raven-haired girl, "There are two fresh plots in the cemetery, I'd rather not wait till dart to do..."  
  
"NO!!!!!!" Akane tackled Ranma to the ground, earning her a furious glare from the smaller girl, "NO... MUNGE!!!!"  
  
Ranma sighed before replying, "You're right, who knows what sorts of diseases you can get..."  
  
Akane got up, and staggered towards the computer to remove the extremely disturbing image from the screen for the circus midgets. Her nausea was replaced by an aesthetic feeling of relief, as she watched the moving image, "Maybe they're able to do that so easily because of their height advantage..."  
  
Ranma stomped up to the computer, "Would you get off the damn midgets already? We have a problem here!"  
  
Akane became sheepish at her lover's sudden temper, "I-I'm sorry, Ranma-sama, I..."  
  
"Save it, Akane, I'm not in the mood," Onna-Ranma grumbled, "I gotta figure out how to beat the old freak. The honor of the Saotome Anything Goes Sensual school of Martial Arts demands it!"  
  
"Oh, do I hear that the great pervert, Ranma Saotome is..." Nabiki opened to door, her line of sight put directly to the animated gif on the screen, "stumped..."  
  
"That's the word I'd use," Akane mumbled under her breath; she still had her attention locked on the picture.  
  
"Not a word, you..." Ranma stormed out of the room, Akane quickly following her.  
  
Nabiki edged towards the computer to see what they were looking at, her eyes opening larger slightly at the link that Ranma had highlighted. The middle Tendou sister left the room, feeling more than a little more disturbed with the lengths Ranma was willing to go to. She also realized that it might be time to bump up her plans, since Akane was being actively involved in this little contest also. Nabiki left the room to get everything set up.  
  
Nabiki returned to Akane's room less than a minute later, book marked the link, then sent it to herself in email. She silently condemned herself for her curiosity.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Ranma-sama, Ranma-sama! Wait up!" Akane urged, trying to keep in step with the briskly walking redhead. Ranma was fuming, she was finding some of her more exorbant ideas being turned away and impeded; and if she wanted to prove herself, this could not go on.  
  
"What... do you want, Akane?"  
  
Akane took a few more gulps from her Gatorade bottle before replying, "You shouldn't be so upset. I mean, I know you'll beat Happosai."  
  
Ranma turned around to retort, before seeing the almost idolizing expression on the raven-haired girl's face. The redhead's breath caught at the note of something a bit... more in her intent gaze, something that warmed her more than lust did.   
  
"Akane, I..." Ranma-chan willed her heart to slow itself before continuing, "I... I guess."  
  
"Don't guess, know you will," Akane's face turned into a hard look of determination, and she grabbed the sides of the redhead's face. Ranma's eyes shot wide at the different type of kiss Akane planted, and found herself melting into it, instead of attempting to dominate it.  
  
"Akane..." Ranma breathed out, after the far more intimate moment than usual between them.  
  
"VILE SUCCUBUS!!!" Ranma couldn't continue as she was forced to bend backwards away from a bokken slice that was trying to cut her off from Akane... at the elbows. Finding the moment interrupted. Onna-Ranma's eyes flashed a tinge of red before she attacked. Kuno had caught the quick change of color in the redhead's eyes, and jumped back to evade any fowl magics she may use, but not before he found his bokken snapped off at the handle.  
  
"Kuno, here," Ryoga calmly walked up to the kendoist, hand handed him a new bokken, before brandishing his combat umbrella.  
  
"HEY!" Ranma shouted, as she was suddenly rushed by two fighters wielding weapons.  
  
"It's for your own good, Ranma," Shouted Ryoga, as he committed to a forward stab.  
  
"Aye. Stand still my fleet footed and misguided dark angel of the netherworld, so that we may pummel yon darkness from your soul, and bring you to the side of heaven," commanded Kuno as he made a vertical swing to compliment Ryoga's attack. Ranma deftly somersaulted over both of them to land some distance away. Before landing, Ranma's eyes went wide at the sight of Ukyo idly fingering her spatulas in her bandoleer with her right hand, and holding her larger combat spatula at ease in her right.  
  
Ranma-chan twisted through the barrage of projectiles, and planted her hands on the head of the spatula when Ukyo made a horizontal swing. Ranma flipped over the girl dressed as a boy, and ducked under the follow through Ukyo made as she continued her swing in 360 degrees.  
  
"What gives, Ukyo?"  
  
"What? You think I'm gonna pass on a free opportunity to pound the pervert?" Ukyo said with a smile.  
  
"Though the might of Kuno needs not assistance, your intervention, handsome warrior, is welcomed," Kuno walked up to the side of Ukyo. Ryoga said nothing as he walked to Ukyo's other side.  
  
"Can't we discuss this over some heavy petting?" Ranma asked hopefully. Her answer was a dog pile.  
  
Akane stood, blinking at the ordeal, almost missing the older model blue Honda civic that skidded towards her, just barely missing her in turn.  
  
"HEY! WHAT?!?" was as far as Akane got, before she was gagged, hog tied, and pulled roughly into the back seat, before the vehicle quickly took off.  
  
"Hmm, that's gonna leave a mark in the morning," Ranma commented.  
  
Ukyo stopped, and looked towards Kuno, who was still pounding down upon the prone form. Ranma was squatting down with her arms crossed over her thighs, and perched upon the kendoist's cranium; watching intently at the damage that was being done to the body on the ground. Ukyo blinked, then looked down to see a badly battered Ryoga dancing with every blow struck down on him.  
  
"Uh, Kuno?"  
  
"What, my spatula wielding compatriot?" enquired Kuno, paused while holding his bokken in the air to rain down another blow. Ukyo said nothing as she pointed to the redhead a top his head.  
  
"Hey, stud," Ranma replied cheerfully, while waving a hand in front of Kuno's face.  
  
"DEMONESS!" Kuno shouted, attempting to bring the mock sword down upon the foolish succubus that was sitting on his head.  
  
"You idiot..." Ukyo mumbled towards the unconscious boy.  
  
"All three of you at once?" Ranma enquired, "Well, if you're all willing I mean after these two wake up..."  
  
Ukyo took a quick look around, her two allies were out of it for the time being, but she noted Akane was missing. Ukyo had no delusions of taking Ranma by herself, and decided that she had fully served her purpose for the time being.  
  
"That's okay, sugar. Maybe I'll take a rain check on that sometime." With that, Ukyo took to the rooftops. Ranma blinked, as she watched the other girl take off.  
  
"Well, that was strange, Akane..." Ranma looked around, now noticing that the girl in question was missing.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane managed to spit the gag out of her mouth, "DAD! NABIKI! KASUMI! What are you doing?" The youngest Tendou was settled across all three's laps as they sat in the back seat of the speeding vehicle.  
  
"Well, Akane-chan, it's like this..." Kasumi started, twisting her hands together in nervousness.  
  
"You're sick, and you need help," Nabiki finished for her older sister. Unfortunately, due to the haste of setting things up, she was settling for barely adequate assistance. Ranma just forced her hand, and he/she needed to be removed, quickly.  
  
"MY LITTLE GIRL'S BEEN BRAINWASHED!!!!!!!" Soun wailed, before receiving his own gag. Nabiki gave a smile of gratitude towards the blond man in the passenger seat.  
  
"Think nothing of it," stated Marvin with a warm smile, "Though I can comprehend his constant demasculization of himself because of his subconscious urges to..."  
  
"Please, I'm driving here," Mike interrupted, keeping his eyes on the road.  
  
"Oh, my apologies, Mike. And also our thanks for lending us your vehicle," the handsome blond man replied, before turning back to the passenger in the back seat, "Anyhow, perhaps this will help you understand your conflicting feelings, and assist you to a happier, more satisfactory life."  
  
Soun let out an interesting grunt, as he took the blue book.  
  
"This psychiatrist you recommended, he *is* good enough to help us with this, right?" Nabiki asked with a warning tone in her voice.  
  
Marvin raised an eyebrow at the intended psuedo-threat, and replied, "Yes, he's very good, although his field is more in dealing with those who had been brainwashed in a cult environment, this should not be a challenge for him."  
  
Nabiki gave a nod in satisfaction.  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Happosai watched, as Ukyo bounded off into the distance after the short battle. Ranma was perfect to take over the school; immense skill in the art, great analytical mind, and levels of perversion that he hadn't seen outside himself and Chinkensei. There was just one problem...  
  
The wrong version of him had all the preferred qualifications.  
  
Happosai chuckled to himself; it was such a small problem. He knew exactly what he could do to remedy the situation.  
  
The old pervert bounded back to the Tendou household, forgetting about the contest in favor of grander plans. 


	25. Remedies for whatever Ails ya

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Happosai viciously ravaged through his chest, the item he needed to mold the perfect heir to the Master School of Anything Goes Martial Arts was to be found inside. The contest had been but a ruse to see exactly how far in the great arts of perversion that Ranma would go. The levels reached had greatly impressed Happosai. The problem is the male Ranma was sort of a sexless wimp, while the female Ranma was a living dynamo of sexuality that could energize anything she came in contact with. Things needed to be the other way around.  
  
"AHA!" the ancient pervert's eyes lit up at the item in his hands, a wooden hairpin that seemed rather plain looking if not for the merry looking satyr sitting on a jeweled apple. Happosai chuckled as he pocketed the object; all that was left was to find Ranma.  
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The gentle looking man leafed through a book as he waited for his latest patient. His bispectacles reflected a bit of light from the small reading lamp that softly lit the almost evergreen walls of the room. Several items on the wall reflected cult memorabilia, and there was a bookshelf sporting several psychological studies of cult phenomenon and practices.  
  
Dr. Ervin Kuaque, Esquire, looked from his reading material at the knock at the door. He checked his hair to make sure it was presentable before calling out, "Come in, please." Nabiki, Kasumi, and Soun trotted in, carrying Akane who was still bound in a fireman's ladder carry, followed calmly by Marvin. Mike opted to stay out with the car, to allow it to air out from where Nabiki had been sitting  
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"Awww mannn, it's gonna be smelling like fish in here for weeks," grumbled Mike, as he sprayed another healthy dose of upholstery cleaner onto the back seat, and went to scrubbing again furiously.  
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Nabiki shifted a bit, since her pants still felt more than a little damp. She would have to remember that next time she took a car ride, it was going to be in something that didn't hum so much.  
  
"Ah, my esteemed associate, Dr. Marvin," welcomed Dr Kuaque, "I presume the bound one is the patient?"  
  
"MY DAUGHTER'S BEEN BRAINWASHED AND HAS JOINED A CULT!" Soun wailed, after doing so well to hold it in to put up a brave front for his youngest daughter.  
  
"Oh father, father, father," Kasumi lightly admonished, shifting slightly to support Akane more.  
  
"Daddy, quit being so overdramatic," Nabiki snapped.  
  
"Yes, the youngest one happens to be the one with the apparent ailment, according to Ms. Nabiki Tendou here." Nabiki nodded at mention of her name, "I wouldn't say that it goes as far as a brainwashing or..."  
  
"Tut, tut, no need to explain," Dr. Kuaque interrupted, patting his friend on the shoulder, "I am well versed in such matters, and she sounded like a pretty straight forward case to me."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that," Nabiki added, "How long should this take, would you say?"  
  
"Oh," Dr Kuaque removed his bispectacles, and placed them into the breast pocket of his burgundy vest. "I don't see why it should take longer than one session..."  
  
"I'm not CRAZY!" Akane stated thoroughly, though actually with the gag it sounded something like she was trying to suggest something kinky. Japanese through a gagged mouth is funny that way.  
  
"Poor dear, she's mentally suffering so," the doctor stated with a sad tone.  
  
"One session, that's a bold statement," Nabiki was starting to have some slight doubts towards the man's credibility.  
  
"Well, I have a 100% success rate, most always in the first session, all that have taken longer were much more thorough cases than your sister seems to be," Dr Kuaque coughed and turned towards a particularly... something... painting with an intricate golden frame on the wall, "I trust you've heard of the Waco Siege?"  
  
"Wai-ko See-ja?" A quintuple of voices came in unison, one of them muffled by a piece of clothe stuffed in her mouth.  
  
"Never mind. Would you set the poor dear on the sofa there, and leave us alone for a while? It's much easier to cure the afflicted when no one of emotional attachment is around, you see. You can shower her with support once I'm finished. Oh, and remove the gag for me please, it would help for her to be able to communicate."  
  
The Tendous set their youngest down, removed the gag, and shot out the room before any comments could be made by Akane.  
  
"We'll be back around five this evening," Marvin stated, walking out and closing the door behind him.  
  
"Well, he *seems* like he will do well enough," Nabiki commented, as they made their way down the stairs of the suite.  
  
"Let's get one thing straight," Akane started firmly, "I'm NOT crazy!"  
  
"Tell me, Ms. Tendou, is it okay if I call you that?" asked Dr. Kuaque, still facing away from Akane and looking directly at the rather... something... painting.  
  
Akane nodded in response.  
  
"Good, thank you," the psychiatrist still hadn't turned away from the excessively... something... painting, "Why is it you felt you had to be involved with an estranged group? Did you feel insignificant? That you needed the support found there?"  
  
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Akane asked incredulously.  
  
"Please, we're all friends here. I won't betray my confidence, it is a psychiatrist's credo, after all." The good doctor was still facing the extremely... something... painting.  
  
"But I have nothing to say! I'm not crazy or whatever you think I a..."  
  
"JOINING A CULT IS WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!!!" Dr Kuaque was suddenly looming over Akane with a wild look in his eye. His hair was sticking up at the sides like ears on a caped crusader.  
  
Quite forgivably startled by the sudden change, Akane 'eeped' as she fell off the sofa, and used her heels to scoot herself against a wall as far as she could from the psychiatrist, staring at him with fright filled eyes.  
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"Akane? Hey, yo Akane!" Ranma-chan yelled, trying to locate the raven-haired girl after she had disappeared on her. Ranma was scouting all their usual haunts; The Zoo, the old folk's home, the Hundred Yen a viewing 'theater', and now the Furinkan campus. They always came out during the weekends to assist with the weekend sports warm-ups; it was a matter of school pride. The redhead assumed Akane might have gone ahead, since it being about that time. Unfortunately, another type of disturbance was about...  
  
::SPLASH::  
  
"Ranma, m-boy!" Happosai greeted, sitting on Ranma's left shoulder. Otoku-Ranma went rigid as he was startled, but recovered quickly to give the old pervert a back fist off his shoulder.  
  
"Now is that any way to treat your master?" Happosai asked, slightly up set. He brought his pipe back down from position to start smoking it again.  
  
Ranma peeled his face out of the concrete, " You ain't my master, you old letch!"  
  
"Why are you insulting me?" The old master asked, tears streaming from his eyes, before turning away for a full bawling. Ranma stared at the ancient pervert with more than a little contempt, "And I came looking for you to give you a present!"  
  
"A... present?" Ranma wasn't exactly head of the class material, but when in a clutch, he could put two and two together and come out with an astounding four sum. He was currently in the middle of a contest with the old letch, and though he kind of *really* didn't want to win, he didn't want to lose either. A present from the old pervert could be something that could cost him dearly.  
  
"Uh, that's, um, nice... butIgottago." Ranma jetted off, before his answer could be recounted without his consent. Happosai growled a bit, and then took off after the boy.  
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"Great distraction, Ukyo. Ranma didn't even see us take off with Akane," Nabiki stated, cutting another piece of her okonomiyaki.  
  
"No problem, sugar... uh, Tendou-san," Ukyo quickly switched to a more formal tone when she caught the 'hungry' glimmer in the other girl's eye, "If it'll keep that jerk of a fiancée from corrupting poor Akane, I'm all for it."  
  
"That's good to hear," Nabiki said after taking another bite, "Hopefully this Dr. Kuaque will be able to undo the damage that Ranma's done to her."  
  
"I dunno," Ukyo mused, pouring more batter onto the grill, "That Marvin guy suggested him, and I dunno if I trust him that far."  
  
"Well, he boasted a 100% success rate, and he was a reasonable price, though no price is too high for my baby sister..."  
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"Ms. Tendou, you need to realize that cults are only out for the leader's interests," Dr. Kuaque stated calmly, once again staring at the obscenely... something... painting on the wall. He was now wearing an old British naval admiral's hat, and his right hand stuffed into his shirt, "They do not care about the individuals."  
  
Akane eyes were watering with fear; her family would pay for leaving her with this madman. Akane let out a small whimper of terror.  
  
"YOUR SPEAKING OUT OF TURN!!!!!!" Once again, the good doctor was looming over Akane; his maddening eyes, one blue, one green, staring intensely into Akane's, and his hands braced on each side of her head, leaving impressions in the wall.  
  
Akane went clinically dead for a few seconds, due to the sudden outburst, as her sphincter muscle was startled out of duty.  
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"It's good you care so much for your sister," Ukyo said, wistfully, "I was an only child, I guess it woulda been pretty nice to have a sibling too." There was more than a little hint of loneliness in her voice, compounded by the sigh she gave.  
  
If Nabiki noticed, she paid it no mind. The middle Tendou sister shrugged, and went back to finishing her okonomiyaki.  
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Ranma turned back around, and then stopped. He had finally lost the old pervert. The pigtailed boy grumbled under his breath, the old freak was defiantly fast to keep up with him at full sprint. It took all his evasive skills to give the old man the slip, but all his work finally paid out.  
  
"Gifts, trinkets for your loved ones and friends," an old lady called out in a withered voice from her street stand. Ranma saw the items she was displaying, and thought it would be nice to get something for Akane... as a friend, of course.  
  
"Say, whatja got there?" Ranma enquired, hopping down from the roof he was previously on down to street level. The old woman didn't act startled in the least.  
  
"Hello, sonny. I can see you're a young man of fine tastes."  
  
"Heh, of course," Ranma agreed modestly.  
  
"I think I have just the thing for you!" the old woman pulled out a wooden hairpin.  
  
Ranma looked at the hair pin in approval, "I think Akane'll love this, I mean the brute sitting on the apple is just perfect for her!"  
  
"Oh, no! This is for you, dear boy!" the old lady corrected, "if you want something for your girlfriend, I think I have a few ideas..."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma intelligently replied, "Why would I want that girly thing?"  
  
"Oh, but it's very manly these days to wear hair pins. It's all the latest rage!"  
  
"Uh-huh..." Ranma didn't sound impressed. The pigtailed martial artist pulled one of the various pedestrians to him, "Hey, buddy, would you wear that?"  
  
"Hmph, like I would wear such a girlish thing. It would simply ruin my manly handsomeness." The pedestrian replied, combing his fingers through his hair while being careful not to smear the light foundation and eye shadow he wore.  
  
"Ohhhh! It's so cute!!!! Benedict! Benedict!" The girl wearing an outlawed amount of pink reached savagely for the hairpin.  
  
The old woman sent the overly cutesy looking girl on her way, on an altitude climb of forty by three feet at near escape velocity.  
  
The young man watched, as his partner attempted to reach for the stars, then looked back at the old lady. He gave the kind old woman a generous amount of yen, and then skated on his way, whistling a merry tune.  
  
"HA!" Ranma proclaimed, "I recognize that technique... Happosai!"  
  
"So, you saw through my ingenious disguise, eh?" Happosai shed the old lady wig that he wore as his extremely clever disguise, and stood at ready for Ranma, "If you would quit being so stubborn and put this on like a good student would for his master."  
  
"I told ya already, you old goat! You're not my master," Ranma shouted back, already hightailing it for the rooftops. Happosai cursed, and took off after his prey.  
  
"Dammit!" Ranma cursed to himself, "I gotta deal with the old goat, and soon. Akane wherever you are, you better be glad you're not in the middle of this."  
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"DRINK IT! DRINK IT!!!! IT LOOKS REFRESHING, DOESN'T IT? YOU'LL DRINK THIS LIKE THE GOOD LITTLE CULT FOLLOWER YOU ARE, RIGHT? *RIGHT*?!?!? BOTTOMS UP!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"  
  
Akane was in tears, she held her lips closed like a vice grip, and her jaw set like stone, as the artificially colored and flavored liquid made from a mixture of water, powder, and sugar, and possibly a little additive of the lethal type, was forced against her lips by surprisingly strong hands.  
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"Well, that was absolutely delicious," Nabiki stated, content.  
  
"Of course, I *am* the greatest Okonomiyaki chef in all of Japan, if not the world," Ukyo said modestly.  
  
"I wouldn't put any money against that," Nabiki replied honestly.  
  
"Well, it doesn't look like I'll be getting much more business for a while," Ukyo stated with a little melancholy in her voice. Nabiki looked around to find herself the only patron currently there, since it was well after the lunch break.  
  
"Well, if you want any help getting ready for the dinner rush..." Nabiki let her offer trail off, barely containing her lecherous grin.  
  
Ukyo knew what Nabiki wanted; they would both be in the kitchen, preparing ingredients and doing dishes, when suddenly Ukyo's clothes would get wet from Nabiki's carelessness. Then Nabiki would be extremely concerned, and offer to help her out of those wet things and into her hot, loving..., "Uh, that's okay, everything's already ready. I think I'll just go take a walk or something until then. Besides, don't you have some other business to attend to? Your sister's appointment should almost be up by now."  
  
"...and into my hot, loving arms," Nabiki shook from her thoughts at the reminder, "You're right, I gotta go. I'll just have to catch you later, then," Nabiki said cheerfully, as she headed for the door.  
  
"Later hon... um, Tendou Nabiki!" Ukyo said to her departing customer, "and it's gonna be *much* later before you catch me, like as in 'forever'."  
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"I feel we've made a great deal of progress today, Ms. Tendou," Dr Kuaque stated pleasantly, while checking the tights he was wearing for runs. He was finding it terribly difficult to maneuver for observation in the American Football shoulder pads he was wearing, "In fact, I don't think we need another session."  
  
Akane shivered in the corner in silence, her face devoid of any blood or pigment.  
  
"I know, you've probably grown comforted to confiding in me, but you should be able to stand on your own two feet now," The doctor went back to staring at the intensely... something... painting on the wall.  
  
Akane continued to shiver in the corner farthest from the only other person in the room.  
  
"But, if you ever feel the pressure to join a large group preaching doomsday or some rubbish like that, feel free to drop by," Dr. Kuaque leaned closer towards the utterly... something... painting on the wall with his eyes widening a bit more, "Oh, I see now! It's a pony! These magic eye things are amazing!" The good doctor removed the painting from the wall, and replaced it with another intricately framed and remarkably... something... painting on the wall.  
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Ukyo walked about, deep in her thoughts, the conversation with Nabiki dancing in her mind. It was apparent the girl's concern for her little sister; Ukyo would have liked that experience. She had been alone in her life due to her imposed vow to live as a boy and avenge herself. Truth be told, she enjoyed the company Nabiki gave her earlier, but the... companionship... she was offering..." Ukyo just wished she could be just a friend to the other girl.  
  
Ukyo sighed, feeling a bit more somber from the feeling of loneliness. She needed something to lash out at, some sort of stress vent...  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU OLD PERV! I DON'T WANT IT!!!" Ranma's voice shouted away from Ukyo; the pigtailed martial artist was heading her way.  
  
Ukyo smiled, how do you spell relief?  
  
*C-L-A-N-G!*  
  
Ukyo sheathed her battle spatula, feeling much better now.  
  
"Hey, thank ya, girlie! Woulda taken me forever to catch up with the little punk!"  
  
"Huh?" Ukyo swerved around towards the old pervert, "You can tell I'm a girl?"  
  
"Sure! A fine and firm C cup to boot!" Happosai stated wizenedly, "such a shame you feel the need to bind those two beauties."  
  
"Ugh! Anyone get the license of that battle spatula?" Ranma mumbled, a bit groggy while he sat up.  
  
"Yeah, it said 'Ouch-maker'," Ukyo stated, proud of her favorite utensil.  
  
"Don't trouble yourself with that, Ranma my boy," Happosai said, leaping at Ranma and shoving something into Ranma's hair, right over his ear.  
  
Ranma suddenly went stiff, then suddenly doubled over like he was in pain.  
  
"RANMA! What did you do to him, you old geezer?" Ukyo demanded bringing her choice weapon to bear with intent. A light chuckle caught her off guard, the one coming from Ranma.  
  
Ranma's chuckling steadily got louder, until suddenly he bent backwards at a near impossible angle with his hands out at his sides curled into almost claws, and went into a full bellow of laughter. Ranma's battle aura flared a vibrant red with such intensity that it knocked both Ukyo and Happosai back in its sudden intensity.  
  
Happosai grinned in triumph, as Ukyo gulped in horror.  
  
An old lady who had barely missed arriving to curve disaster hyperventilated into a paper bag that she now constantly kept with her.  
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"Akane? You ready to go now?" Nabiki and Kasumi entered Dr. Kuaque's office, to catch the man reading one of his books again, and Akane sitting on the sofa, untied with an expressionless face.  
  
"Oh Akane, are you feeling better?" Kasumi asked, as she approached her youngest sister. Akane looked up slowly towards her, and then nodded once steadily.  
  
"That's nice, come now, I'm making for favorite for dinner," Kasumi reached out her hand, which Akane meekly took, then stood.  
  
"You'll receive my bill soon," Dr. Ervin Kuaque, Esquire, stated, looking over his book through bispectacled glasses. Nabiki nodded, and then followed her sisters out the door.  
  
The doctor put down the psychology book and picked up his gameboy to play some more Pokemon. A small smile lit his face, another complete success for him. 


	26. Playa Hate'n on Ranma

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Ranma breathed audibly, with each breath his impressive aura pulsed like a living entity. Ukyo scooted back on her hands, fearfully in awe of the perverted power Ranma was displaying. Her mind looping over the terrible fact, that Onna-Ranma was already bad enough, and she didn't even seem this overbearing before. Now the living embodiment of perversion known as Ranma had a penis to play with..  
  
Happosai was in tears of utter joy; it was all he could ever hope for and more. He could feel the see of power that swirled around Ranma like a raging tempest, the pigtailed boy being he eye of the hurricane.  
  
Happosai cautiously approached the imposing figure of Ranma, who seemed to be fighting to gain back control of his aura, "So, how do you feel, M'Boy?" Ranma turned to the voice, the look on his face causing Happosai to pause and step back. The inhuman power that was visible in his eyes was like duel blood phantoms that caused any to look into them to be sucked into them by the soul.  
  
Ranma finally replied, his hands flexing in rhythm with his breathing and pulsating aura, "WoMeNNnn?" Ukyo face faulted, so soon after gaining her footing to run, while Happosai's heart went aflutter. Ranma was now powerful, a great martial artist, and dumb as a brick; the perfect clay to mold into his image.  
  
Happosai chuckled, "Yes, more women than you can imagine. Under me, student, you'll have all the women you can possibly..." Happosai stopped talking when he heard Ukyo's screaming, and noticed that Ranma was no longer in front of him.  
  
"WOOOMMMENNNNNNN!!!!!" Ranma cried out, diving at the grounded Ukyo. The Girl-dressed-guy screamed in utter terror, then closed her eyes in preparation for whatever vulgar, demeaning, and horrendous things the crazed pigtailed martial artist would do to her.  
  
She whimpered as her clothes were shredded off, felt her breast bindings rendered into confetti, her...  
  
"Are you okay? I'm sorry for your spill. Such a beauty should never meet the ground, they should float upon clouds of flowers and worshiped as only the stars could be."  
  
Her imagination was running off with her.  
  
Ukyo opened her eyes, and blinked, and then turned slowly towards Ranma. The girl let out a gasp at the sight of Ranma. His well roguish face framed by in wildish hair. His eyes barely dangling over his slate blue eyes that shown like spotlights with concern for her well-being. The outfit he usually wore now made him seem exotic and dashing. His smile, such lovely smile filled with such warmth that comforted her like only the feeling of his arms wrapped around her could. His hand was held out to assist her off the ground, and he sat patiently for her.  
  
"Uh... Ranma?" Ukyo ventured, albeit nervously.  
  
"Ukyo, how could I ever had thought such loveliness to be a boy? I was a fool far beyond fools to not have noticed. Please, take this meager token of my affections." Ranma handed a freshly picked flower to the young girl.  
  
Happosai sat blinking at the scene in total surprise. Finally he got his voice back, at whisper level, "Damn, he's smooth."  
  
"Um.. th-thank you..." Ukyo stuttered, growing flushed at the compliments, and Ranma's very presence. Every second he was near her, she found him more and more irresistible.  
  
"If there was a way I could truly show you the feelings you bring out in me," Ukyo was in such a daze, she didn't even notice him pulling her to her feet, "Kami, you're beautiful."  
  
Ukyo's eyes almost rolled into the back of her head, when Ranma's arms encircled her, the feeling he was radiating was simply rapturous, a power that totally dominated her, and she was totally unwilling to fight it.  
  
Ranma's expression changed once Ukyo was in full swoon to one of complete lecherousness. He turned Ukyo around in his arms so her back was against his chest, allowing his hands to easily work on opening her outfit while keeping her close to him.  
  
"HEY STUDENT! You have some learning to do!" Happosai interrupted Ranma by conking him on the head with his pipe, "There will be plenty of time for that later."  
  
Ranma, distracted, let go of Ukyo, who tumbled almost comatose to the ground, "WOooMmmMeEnnnNn?" The wild, stupefied look was back on his face  
  
"Soon enough, you must have patience..."  
  
"WOOOOMMMMEEEENNNNN!!!!" Ranma roared, and then took a massive leap onto the rooftops.  
  
From a distance, Cologne cursed, and then pursued the nearly mindless pigtailed boy. Ancestors forbid if he was ever to find cold water. Or as the curse usually worked, cold water found him.  
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"We're home, Akane," Kasumi urged her youngest sister into the doorway. Akane looked around, placid. The eldest Tendou daughter was a bit worried now, Akane hadn't said a word since they had left the nice psychiatrist's office, but presumed that it was how people usually acted after seeing one.  
  
"Here ya go, sis, how about we take you to your room so you can rest?" Nabiki urged her younger sister up the stairs. She knew that this wasn't how they usually acted after seeing a head shrink. She hoped that it was just due to traumatic deprogramming.  
  
Akane was ushered through her door, and lead to her bed. Finding herself in familiar surroundings, Akane slowly sat onto the bed, and then curled into fetal position.  
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Cologne swore in Chinese, as she threw her staff towards one of the higher rooftops, striking a shingle and sending it falling towards Ranma. The shingle wasn't meant to hit the boy, but to divert the path of cold water from a loose water hose. She caught her cane while on the run, grumbling about the amount of 'incidents' with cold water that were almost too close to call. Ranma's curse was working overtime in with a serious mad on. With all the interruptions, she was finding it difficult to keep up with the pigtailed boy, and at this rate, she wouldn't be able to remove that cursed hairpin.  
  
"WooMEenN?" Ranma enquired, looking around for prey. His crimson glowing eyes flared a bit brighter when he saw a target, "WOoOoooOMMeeENNNN!"  
  
The Furinkan girls' track team was jogging down the way, finding their path blocked by a certain pigtailed martial artist that turned into the ultimate level of perversion. Knowing Ranma, all twelve girls started backing away cautiously.  
  
"Hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your practice, and hoped that I may be able to give you a few pointers on how to improve your stride?"  
  
The girls stopped backing away to a safe distance to dash away, a bit confused.  
  
"Wha?" one girl attempted to enquire.  
  
"I don't mean to insult you, in fact your obviously natural talent in the sport of the field shows with every graceful step all of you make..."  
  
Half the girls were already swooning at the boy's proper and respectful compliments, and his aura that filled them with such desire. The other half was slowly making their way there.  
  
"I mean, I know it's kinda vain for me to think I can improve on your perfection, but I only wish to that I can be of some assistance." Ranma subtlety wrapped his arms around the waists of two girls from behind, his hands kneading the thighs of their legs. Most the girls now were in full giggles.  
  
"You tell em, Ranma my boy! There's always room for improvement!" One of the track members screamed, totally ruining the mood. The girls, including the two Ranma was cradling, scattered at the sight of the old man.  
  
"WOOOOOOMMMMMENNNNNN!!!!!!" Ranma bellowed, frustrated that his latest attempt for conquest was interrupted again. Just then a fire hydrant broke, shooting a jet of water at the pigtailed boy.  
  
Cologne bounded in front of Ranma; twirling her staff fast enough to form a barrier that wouldn't let the water pass through. She suddenly felt herself jerked from the path of the stream, and almost falling into utter terror that Ranma may not have gotten out of the way in time to keep from getting doused.  
  
"Are you okay, Cologne-san? You can't realize how relieved I am at your well-being."  
  
The matriarch blinked, and looked up to find herself cradled in Ranma's arms. Ranma landed on a nearby roof, and set the old woman down, "That was hardly necessary, son-in-law."  
  
"But I couldn't allow such a beautiful woman of full bloom come to any harm. What type of guy would I be?" Ranma knelt down to meet Cologne at eye level, "I would be one unworthy of your notice, and I couldn't bear that."  
  
"Son-in-law, that's very nice of you to say, and, they are kind words, and..." Cologne was having a hard time gathering her thoughts. She was looking directly into Ranma's stormy sea blue eyes, and found herself hopelessly drowning. She hadn't felt this young in ages, and the torrential emotions swirling within her threatened to overtake her.  
  
"Please, words would only hinder this moment, let me... properly... accept your gratitude, and allow me to express my concern for you, dear Cologne-san." Cologne didn't even realize she had been lowered onto the warm shingled roof.  
  
"No, must... hairpin..." Cologne mumbled, slowly falling into a pink, warming, and all consuming haze.  
  
"NO! BAD RANMA!!!!" Happosai came to the rescue, attempting to forcibly remove Ranma from the top of the matriarch. He wasn't successful in the way he preferred, as Ranma turned quickly towards the old man, and flared his aura. Happosai was sent through a chimney, and left dazed.  
  
Cologne sat up, noticing that Ranma was nowhere in sight. She cursed herself for her temporarily weakness in will, and readjusted the bra that Ranma had said she looked so young in. Once she was appropriate, the ancient Amazon set again to hunt down the pigtailed boy.  
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"Oh my, is Akane supposed to be this subdued?" Kasumi enquired, standing guard to her youngest sister's door.  
  
"How should I know?" Nabiki snapped, then gave an apologetic look to her older sister for the outburst. Truth be told, Akane was beginning to unnerve her. Response was minimum at best, and now although she was asleep, she barely responded to any stimuli.  
  
"I just hope we did the right thing, Akane was just acting too improper. I think mother would condone what we did."  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure she would," Nabiki replied, currently in her own thoughts, "I'm gonna go out, you okay watching over Akane by herself?"  
  
"I'll be fine, she's asleep right now, so I'll just go finish up dinner."  
  
Nabiki walked downstairs, and then prepared to go outside.  
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"Really, I don't mind. Just being in the presence of your radiance is reward enough."  
  
"My, you're such a charming young man, I have a son about your age who I hope is as mannerful as you."  
  
Ranma shifted the bag of groceries, "I think it's important to be respectful to people, especially lovely women such as yourself," Ranma none-too discreetly rubbed against the auburn haired woman.  
  
"Um, that's not proper for a young man to be so... close to a married woman," the older lady put a couple of feet between them, while blushing furiously. She was still very beautiful, she knew, but to have such an attractive young man flirting with her so openly.  
  
"I can't help it, just something about you makes me feel like we're just fated to be tied together."  
  
"It, it's funny," the matronly woman replied, idly shifting the long bundle in her arms for additional comfort, "I think... I feel it too..."  
  
"Ranma! Ranma get out here! You have some learning to do!"  
  
"Oh, I'm afraid I need to cut this short, I'll see you another time, since fate seems to destine us to each other." Ranma gave the groceries back to the lady, and then took off.  
  
The woman watched as the young man ran off into the distance, and watched impressed as he bounded for a roof, "My, what a manly young man. I hope my Ranma is just as manly!"  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Akane opened her eyes, and then sat up. She found herself needing comfort from the terrors she was recently inflicted with. Unfortunately, none of her family was capable of providing what she needed.  
  
"Ranma, where are you?" the raven-haired girl whimpered, before laying back down into fetal position, closing her eyes and attempting to will the evils around her away.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"GET OUT!!!"  
  
"LETCH!!!!"  
  
"YOU PERVERT!!!!"  
  
"WoOmmmMeeeEEnN," Ranma cried out from his perch to the window on the girl's side of a public bathhouse. Buckets and bars of soap bounced off him, going unnoticed as he ogled the women before him.  
  
"Alright, kid, get down from there." Ranma turned to the feminine voice, and saw a lady officer standing there, looking unamused at his peeping tom impression.  
  
"WOOOOMMMMEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!" Ranma became a blur before the woman's eyes. Startled, she went for her club.  
  
"I apologize for any disturbance I caused, I guess my young hormones got away with me."  
  
"I suppose they did," the lady officer replied, a slight smirk on her face, "still doesn't excuse you. I think you're gonna come with me so we can get a hold of your parents."  
  
"By all means, I wouldn't mind your company in the least," the pigtailed boy replied, seeming to glide up to the woman, surprising her when she suddenly noticed how close he was.  
  
"Are you trying to seduce an officer of the law, young man?" the slightly taller woman adjusted her glasses, the boy was so adorable trying to come onto her.  
  
"I would never dream!" Ranma seemed shocked at the implication, "I just wouldn't mind if we were to, you know, talk, on our way."  
  
"Well, I guess we can talk to pass the time." The woman's eyes trailed Ranma as he walked a slow circle around her. She jumped slightly when Ranma place his hands on her hips from behind, and stood on his toes to put his chin on her left shoulder. He gave a slight push to her, to get her to start moving.  
  
"Good, we can start with your name," Ranma said warmly, his hands moving to intercept each other and entwine their fingers over the lower part of her stomach.  
  
"Hayashi, Hayashi Yuko," the lady replied honestly, somehow finding her thoughts considering how little her boyfriend's done for her needs lately.  
  
"Yuko-chan, have you been told lately how beautiful you are?"  
  
"No, I can't say I've heard it too recently," Yuko closed her eye and started pressing her behind against the boy's waist, her current boyfriend had just been reevaluated.  
  
"That's a tragedy," Ranma replied with a whisper, his hands carefully working to unbuckle the woman's belt on her skirt. She moaned, and leaned her had against the side of Ranma's head.  
  
"HOLD IT, RANMA!" The pigtailed boy quickly responded by pulling the officer out of the way of several spatulas that imbedded the concrete where he himself had been standing, "I won't let you seduce any poor woman!"  
  
"Ukyo!" Ranma leapt to intercept the female martial artist.  
  
"I don't mind... really," whimpered Ms Hayashi. She sighed in frustration, and decided to cut her beat and give a call to her boyfriend, Jin. He was going to take care of her this time, no excuses. She didn't care if he was hanging out with those four other friends of his, he was her boyfriend, and any straight man should be more than proud to have a gorgeous woman as herself as a girlfriend. It was time for him to show is appreciation.  
  
Ranma weaved between several more thrown spatulas in mid air, and then ducked around Ukyo's swing of her battle spatula. Ukyo gasped when, while still in the air, Ranma got into her guard. Her gasp was cut off, as Ranma attempted to inhale the breath from the cute girl.  
  
Ranma landed on the roof, holding Ukyo's large weapon in his left hand, and Ukyo cradled in his right arm. The kiss went on for several moments, before Ranma broke it. Ukyo whimpered, and tried to bring her lips back to Ranma's. Ranma kept them just out of distance, and smiled warmly at the slightly concerned and upset look in the girl's eyes. Ranma gently laid her down, and resumed kissing, beginning to once again strip Ukyo of her clothing, while the girl in question assisted.  
  
Ranma's martial senses blazed, as he pulled his head away in time to evade Cologne's grasp. The old Amazon was impressed that Ranma even managed to sense her, but landed facing the couple, "That hairpin, son-in-law, I will take it."  
  
"Why would you want the hairpin? I can offer you much more," Ranma said smoothly, while sliding off the now extremely agitated Ukyo, "Cologne-san, how long has it been?"  
  
"Far too long," Cologne mumbled, before she caught herself. She had to be firm and brace herself for Ranma's powerful aura, and she would succeed now that she was prepared for it.  
  
"You old bat! Why did you have to go and ruin my free show?!" Happosai stated in an irritated tone.  
  
"You stay out of this, it's all your fault anyhow!" Cologne shouted back at the ancient pervert.  
  
"So what if it is? I like the new and improved Ranma! Every girl should have their own!"  
  
"Yeah, too bad no body has one right now!" Ukyo said angrily, holding her uniform together with one hand, while pointing to Ranma running off in the distance.  
  
"WoOoMmmMeEeeen," Ranma moaned out, looking for another suitable target. Cologne cursed, taking off after the spry young man, Ukyo and Happosai quickly following behind her.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Nabiki was deep in thought, she was sure now Akane would not be an issue; she was now free to commence removing Ranma from their lives. It wouldn't be too difficult now, for once she had proven to her father that none of his daughters were interested in him, and in fact even feared him, he and his freeloading old man would be out cold on the streets faster than they could blink. Nabiki loved scheming.  
  
"WoooMennnnNn!"  
  
Startled, Nabiki turned to the cry, and saw nothing. Turning back around, she jumped at the sight of Ranma directly in her path, "Nabiki..."  
  
"What do you want, Saotome?" her face was neutral; though she had to fight down the smile over the fact she now had the upper hand.  
  
"I... just wanted to apologize, I know we got off on the wrong foot. And I really don't want you to be so mad at me."  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow, "Oh, and you think groveling's going to get back into my favor? I've obviously given you more credit when it came to keeping your pride than deserved."  
  
"Please, Nabiki, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I'm your fiancée, I just don't want to hurt you anymore."  
  
"You haven't decided on a fiancée yet, and you won't be for long anyway," Nabiki stated, though her voice now lacked the conviction needed for the statement to stick. Maybe she was a bit hasty in wanting to get rid of Ranma.  
  
"It's not good to be so mad and untrusting," Ranma said his face less than a few inches from Nabiki's; it took all the will of the middle Tendou daughter not to jump when she noticed Ranma so close.   
  
"W-w-what are y-you doing in my..." Nabiki gulped, "...my personal space?"  
  
"Trying to get to know you better," Ranma stated matter of factly, before leaning in and capturing Nabiki's lips. The girl quickly succumbed to the kiss, and Ranma went to work of relieving her of the suffocating clothing Nabiki was wearing.  
  
Cologne dove down, focused on the hairpin in Ranma's hair. Soon this nightmare will be over, and she could commence with slaughtering Happosai and leaving his carcass in the middle of Furinkan market as an example.  
  
::SPLASH!::  
  
"Alright now, student, I think it's time you cooled off!"  
  
Cologne overshot Ranma, the height difference throwing her aim off. She landed, swearing loudly in Mandarin, the name 'Happosai' was consistently repeated.  
  
The redhead looked up at Nabiki, the other girl blinking the water from her face, "Ranma?"  
  
"EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! PERVERT!!!!!!" Ranma pushed Nabiki to the ground, and then bounded for the rooftops in total fright.  
  
"Well, that was unexpected," Cologne stated. Nabiki, Happosai, and Ukyo all nodded in agreement. 


	27. Pure as the Driven Snow

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Ranma-chan ran as fast and as hard as she could, panic fueling her as much as her ki was. She had to get away, as far away from them as possible. If she didn't the perverts would overwhelm her, doing this, and doing that, and doing a little bit of that, and doing... ew.  
  
  
With the last thought, the redhead pushed herself faster, changing direction and heading for the one place she may be safe.  
  
"AAAAAAKKKKKAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"  
______________________________________  
  
"I.. -huff- never knew Ranma could move so fast!" Ukyo gasped, trying to keep up with Cologne and Happosai.  
  
"We must hurry, something's very wrong with Ranma," the Amazon Matriarch stated.  
  
"Wow, I guess all those centuries of living really builds up the deductive skills," Ukyo commented sarcastically, Cologne 'accidentally' pogoed onto a loose shingle, 'accidentally' sending it into Ukyo's face.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Don't toy with me, girl, you fail to realize the seriousness of the situation. Ukyo, you head back to the Tendou home in case our quarry heads back that way. Happosai, you move up ahead, and try to intercept Ranma so that she doesn't get too far. I'll make sure she doesn't double back, perhaps we can trap her and subdue her." With two nods, Happosai blurred, becoming a streak ahead of them, and Ukyo veered off.  
______________________________________  
  
"AAAAAAAKKKKKKAAAANNNNNNEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Ranma screamed, desperate to get to the one person she trusted most to protect her. She weaved to and fro, instead of taking a straight line for home, as a frightened animal would to lose its tracker.  
  
"PIGTAILED... Goddess?" Kuno was struck speechless as the girl bounded from rooftop to rooftop. She looked absolutely radiant, no longer surrounded by the tinge of damnation the Succubus, she was sheer, distilled, pureness. There could only be one reason for this. She had finally succumbed to his heroism, and the evil that she was born with along with whatever magicks the foul Saotome instilled upon her had been obliviated from her being. She was now an angel.... a Goddess.  
  
In almost a trance, Kuno began to follow her on the ground.  
  
Kodachi felt a strange presence, and looked up from her reading, she saw her red headed mistress bounding across her window, and as she caught sight, the presence she radiated became extremely potent. With glossy eyes, Kodachi followed the girl's form into the distance, and set down her book.  
______________________________________  
  
"Ranma-chan!" Happosai cried out, gaining on the redhead. Ranma's eyes went wide, like a rabbit almost about to be overcome by a predator, and started to sob, "HOTCHA!"  
  
The blur of motion known as Happosai cut Ranma's escape off, and then leaped for a glomp towards her chest.  
  
Ranma let out a blood-curdling scream that alerted everyone in the area to her distress, as Happosai attached himself. Immediately, his eyes went wide, as a white aura enveloped him. He jolted as if he had gotten a double grip on a live wire, and flew off of the girl. Ranma was wailing and trailing tears as she ran off, leaving the twitching pervert on the roof.  
  
"PIGTAILED GODDESS, LET ME SOOTH YOUR DISTRESS!!!!" Kuno shouted from the ground, amazingly managing to keep up with the girl. Kodachi laughed insanely as she bounded behind the redhead.  
  
It was a few moments before Cologne arrived to still find Happosai still jittering on the ground.  
  
"Y-yowza..." Happosai weakly exclaimed, his hands still in position for a breast grapple. Cologne poked him a few times with her staff, and then narrowed her eyes. If her suspicions were correct, Ranma was a major threat to her and anyone around her now.  
______________________________________  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ryoga looked up to see Ranma's cursed form running in fright from Kodachi, "WHUMPH!!!"  
  
"OUT OF MY WAY, PEASANT!!!!!" Ryoga glared at the retreating Kuno, and then looked off to where Ranma was heading. Apparently Kuno had the demon on the run, and now it would be an ideal time to finish the redhead off, so that his Ranma could be free.  
  
"RANMA! I'LL FREE YOU!!!!!" The fanged boy took off to the rooftops in pursuit, intent of finally ridding the pigtailed boy of his unwanted curse, by as much force as necessary.  
______________________________________  
  
"Ra-Ranma..." Akane mumbled, curled up on her bed. Kasumi glanced worriedly at her youngest sister, and then went downstairs to the kitchen to start dinner. As Kasumi left the room, Ukyo appeared in the window.  
  
The Chef got a look at Akane, and grew a bit worried. If Akane was this shaken after her deprogramming session, there was no way she could let Ranma get close to her.  
  
With barely a sound, Ukyo opened up the window further to gain access, and without alerting Akane.  
  
Akane stared blindly into space, but whimpered when she felt her head supported on someone's lap.  
  
"Ran...ma?"  
  
"Don't worry, 'Kane-chan, I won't let him get you again."  
______________________________________  
  
Nabiki staggered back, berating herself for her lack of control. She couldn't understand what came over her, she HATED Ranma... didn't she?  
  
The kiss looped through her mind, over and over, leaving her dizzier and dizzier the longer it went on. The feel of his lips on her, the apologetic look in his eyes as he asked for her forgiveness, the sincerity in his voice as he told her he didn't want to fight with her. Each of these thoughts warmed her, as she hadn't been before.  
  
And it was greatly pissing her off.  
  
"Curse you Ranma, I'll make you pay dearly for leaving me so confused!" Nabiki vowed, holding her fist up in pledge, while she fought to gain her equilibrium.  
  
Just a little further and she'll be home, just place one foot in front of the other. Steady now...  
______________________________________  
  
"GIRL RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!" Ryoga's fist shattered through the roof where Ranma had been just prior to the blow.  
  
"HUUUHHH HUUUHHH!!!" Ranma whimpered loudly, changing direction to avoid the fanged boy before him, only to find her legs ensnared by a ribbon.  
  
"TAKE ME, MISTRESS! TAKE ME AS YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE!" Kodachi screamed, descending towards the downed girl in a belly flop.  
  
"THIS IS IT! THE FINAL BLOW!" Ryoga cried out, bringing his umbrella to bear towards the girl's face. Ranma-chan screamed and covered her face as if it would protect her from the perverts about to take advantage of her pure innocence.  
  
"STAY YOUR HAND BRAVE WARRIOR!" Kuno kicked away his sister in mid air, sending her laughing like a maniac into the background, while parrying Ryoga's umbrella with his bokken, "Can you not see that this former Succubus is now as pure as a virgin babe? She no longer is deserving of you wrath."  
  
Ryoga had noticed it, and it was doing a real number on him. The girl under him and Kuno looked so frightened, and defenseless, and open, almost anticipating. The bandanna-clad boy jerked his eyes away from the frightened yet pleading crystal blue eyes of the girl, and glared at Kuno. Ryoga blinked as he saw the way the kendoist was panting, whatever effect Ranma-chan was having on him, it was doing a great number on Kuno too. Ryoga once again glanced down at the girl, finding himself becoming muddled in thought.  
  
"Curse you, Girl Ranma, you're trying to use your evil to control me as you do Ranma-kun!" Ryoga thought darkly. He looked back up at Kuno, his eyes hard.  
  
"Do not give her your fury! She deserves reward for turning to the Heavens! WE SHALL GIVE HER FULFILLMENT FOR HER RITIOUS CHANGE OF HEART!" Kuno yelled the final sentence with madness coursing through his voice; his eyes reflected the same craziness tinged with a feral lust.  
  
"Yessssss..." Ryoga found himself replying, then quickly shook himself out of it, "I mean, she deserves a reward! She must be gotten rid of to free Ranma!"  
  
"FORGET ABOUT THE WRETCHED SAOTOME!!!! LET US FEAST UPON THE LOVELINESS THAT RESTS BETWEEN OUR LEGS!"  
  
"Eeeeeee, eeeeeeeeeeee," Ranma whimpered, shaking like a deer trapped in a corner, as she looked up at the two young men fighting above her.  
  
"YES!! NO!!! RANMA I'LL FREE YOUUUUU!!!!!" With a mighty burst of will, Ryoga put all his muscle into forcing Kuno away and off the roof, then reversed his grip on his weapon to plunge it towards Ranma's skull. Ranma's eyes closed in fear.  
  
"Uh, what you do on Shampoo delivery route?" the lavender haired Amazon enquired, looking down on the fanged boy who was propping her bike tire up with his head.  
  
"GET AWAY!!!!!!" Ranma-chan screamed, quickly getting up and running away as fast as she could.  
  
"What wrong with husband?" Shampoo asked curiously, watching the redhead disappear into the distance.  
  
"Nothing you need concern yourself about, Great Granddaughter," Cologne hopped down, and appraised the damage done around her, "For your sake, keep away from Son-in-law, he is currently extremely unbalanced and dangerous."  
  
"Aiyah! He head to wife house!" Shampoo exclaimed in worry.  
  
Cologne quickly turned towards the direction of the Tendou household, and sped off. She should have known, the girl *would* head to the one place she would feel protected. Hopefully she got there before it was too late.  
______________________________________  
  
Happosai started to come to, with a massive grin on his face. NEVER had he felt such a massive burst of pure, innocent, untainted, womanliness. He just HAD to have more of it! The ancient pervert swerved his head in the direction Ranma-chan was in, her energy was radiating like a blinding white beacon in pitch black. Happosai chuckled gleefully, and started towards the Tendous.  
  
"Wait for me, Ranma-chan!"  
______________________________________  
  
"AAAAAAAAKKKKKKAAAAAAAANNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ukyo's head perked up, her head ceased from stroking the disturbed girl's head on her lap. The chef's eyes narrowed, as she set Akane back down.  
  
"Ranma?" the girl in bed enquired weakly.  
  
"Don't worry, sugar, I'll take care of him," Ukyo leapt out the window to intercept the redhead.  
  
"Don't..." Akane mumbled, reaching out a hand to stop the other girl in vain.  
______________________________________  
  
Ranma approached, balling her eyes out, they almost did this, and that to her, not to mention that other thing! The close call had set her so far on edge, as her heart beat frantically, and she perspired heavily. She soon would be in her protector's arms, and she would never be taken advantage of again.  
  
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, RANMA!" Ranma flipped over a horizontal ax swing, and found her path barred by an angry chef wielding a giant spatula, "There's NO way I'm letting you get close to Akane!  
  
"Uuuuhhh, aaaaaah!" Ranma stepped back, extremely agitated, she NEEDED to get to Akane soon! She couldn't bear to be without her for much longer.  
  
Ranma tried to dart around the other girl, but Ukyo imposed herself between the pigtailed girl and her goal once again. Ranma attempted to go in the other direction, receiving the same results.  
  
"Pu-please!" Ranma pleaded, crying heavily while zigzagging frantically. Ukyo used her body or her spatula to impede Ranma's path. Ukyo found it difficult to not give into Ranma, to take the girl into her arms and sooth her, to tell her it was alright, to kiss her on the lips and let her know she was loved....   
  
Ukyo's eyes widened a fraction, and she gripped her spatula tighter, "I'm, I'm not letting you near Akane so you can just forget it!"  
  
"PLEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Ranma collapsed to her knees, her tears flowing unhindered. The redhead's gut wrenching cry struck at Ukyo harder then she had been struck before. She dropped her combat spatula and rushed to the other girl and was about to embrace her, before she was slammed backwards into the wall of the Tendou household.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH HER!" Cologne cried out, the head of her staff still extended to where it had struck Ukyo in the chest. Ranma used the distraction to escape into Akane's window.  
  
"AAAAAAAAKKKKKAAAAANNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!! AKANE!" Ranma cried out in relief, seeing the other girl looking at her. Feeling only the need for her own comforting, Akane quickly latched onto Ranma.  
  
"RANMA!" The raven-haired girl cried out, holding Ranma as tight as she could, and never wanting to let go.  
  
"A-Akane?" Ranma squirmed in Akane's hug, something wasn't right. This wasn't the 'I'll protect you hug', it felt more like the...  
  
"PERVERT!!!!!!!" Ranma forcefully shoved Akane away, and leapt back out the window.  
  
"Ranma..." Akane whimpered sadly, peeling from the wall.  
______________________________________  
  
Cologne caught sight of Ranma heading away again, and cursed herself for getting distracted, "Come on, Ukyo, we need to stop him before it's too late."  
  
"Stop him? What the hell's wrong with him, er, her?" Ukyo asked frantically.  
  
"Happosai placed an enchanted pin into her hair, its made to bring out the ultimate pervertiveness in a person, but now I realize that's not it's true nature..."  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?"  
  
"It actually enforces it's own great wealth of perversion onto it's host, making them insatiable, unbalanced, and extremely dangerous. No doubt Happosai thought it would allow the male Ranma to become the perfect student."  
  
"Well it was a resounding success for his guy side, what happened to his female side?"  
  
"Apparently Ranma's curse, and the pin are doing battle; the hairpin and Ranma's girl side's perversion battling for supremacy. The problem is Ranma's natural inhabiting perversion is being put fully to the task of keeping its place. Ranma at the moment has NO allusions of perversion, and fears anyone taking advantage of her. What's worse..."  
  
"You mean this is a BAD thing?" Ukyo said wryly, "OW!"  
  
"Shut up, you fool!" Cologne recovered from bopping Ukyo on the head, "What's worse, is that Ranma is now a pure essence, anyone who gets in proximity of her will find her irresistible because of her completely clean aura. And if anyone were to take advantage of her right now, by looking her directly in the eyes, she would become completely defenseless, like a mouse facing a snake, and would be utterly at their mercy."  
  
"You mean, Ranma is now the ultimate sex toy?"  
  
"Exactly, now we must..." Cologne paused.  
  
"Why'd you stop?" Ukyo asked, though she was glad for the respite.  
  
"That.... had to be.... the most OBSURD thing I have EVER agreed to in my life..."  
______________________________________  
  
Ranma ran, trying to outdistance the feeling of betrayal. Akane was supposed to PROTECT her, not attempt to do this, and that, and a pinch of this, and... OHMYGOD! Ranma forced the thoughts from her head, trying to be anywhere that perversion didn't exist. Unfortunately for her, she turned into the wrong direction.  
  
"RANMA-CHAN! Give your master a hug!"  
  
Ranma screamed when the lecher attached itself to her chest. Startled, she tripped and fell backwards onto the roof; her tumble did nothing to dislodge the ancient pervert.  
  
"OOOOHHHHH BABY!!!!!!" Happosai cried out, leeching on the energy gleefully. Ranma-chan cried frantically, and thrashed about wildly, but not doing anything to remove the pervert from her. Said pervert felt himself getting carried higher and higher, but felt he needed... more. A withered hand snuck down to Ranma-chan's waist tie and started to undo it.  
  
::WHOOSH!::  
::THUMP::  
::SPLASH!!!!::  
  
The hairpin went flying into the distance, and Cologne's staff rebounded back to its owner. Ukyo threw the bucket that was full of hot water away, and brought forth her combat spatula.  
  
"Uh, mighty impressive battle aura you're manifesting, Ranma..." Happosai said, attempting humor in the face of a very painful demise.  
  
"Get.... your hand.... out.... of.... my.... pants...." Ranma growled through gritted teeth, his battle aura flaring twice as large with each word.  
  
"Huh? Oh... heh," Happosai meekly removed his hand. Ukyo and Cologne turned away; the level of violence that was about to happen wasn't fit to be viewed by any sentient being.  
______________________________________  
  
"I'm home," Nabiki said shakily, removing her shoes. She had managed to get home, ignoring the combat, correction, mass homicide upon one individual, which Ranma was committing onto Happosai. She didn't think the boy could EVER be so brutal.  
  
"Welcome home, Nabiki. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes," called Kasumi from the kitchen.  
  
"Great, just enough time to take a bath," Nabiki needed one; it had been a long day.  
  
"Okay, just leave your cloths in the wash to be done later, I didn't get a chance to do it today."  
  
Nabiki stripped down, and weakly scrubbed her body before going into the furo. Now that she didn't have to concentrate on walking, she could contemplate Ranma. She didn't think she had any feelings for him, but ever since that kiss, she's been having a hard time thinking of anything else. This left her with a severe dilemma.  
  
"Ranma, you jerk." Nabiki dropped her head under the water, hoping that drowning would remove all her troubles.  
______________________________________  
  
During dinner, Ranma-chan cradled a subdued Akane in her lap, glaring at everyone's guilt-ridden looks around the table, "WHAT... did you guys do to her?"  
  
Nabiki and Kasumi looked at each other nervously, then both turned to Ranma.  
  
"Nothing/Who are you?" Came the dual response, Mr. Tendou hid behind the newspaper he had already read that morning, and Pandachan was rolling around with a tire in his clutches.  
  
Ranma glanced warningly at everyone at the table, before turning her attentions back to Akane, "It's okay, Akane, it's okay, I'm sorry. Here, have some punch."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ranma looked up worriedly at the girl crouched on her head.  
  
"Oh my, I have dishes and laundry to do."  
  
"I gotta finish my homework."  
  
"Fancy an after-dinner game of Shogi, Saotome?"  
  
"Gwarf!"  
  
Ranma-chan sighed, and dug into the largely untouched dinner.  
______________________________________  
  
Kasumi loaded the washing machine, checking all clothing for loose change or such, when she came to Nabiki's, "Oh my, how pretty." 


	28. Kasumi the Amorous OverSexed Nympho

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"Father?" Kasumi tentatively opened the door to her father's room. She walked past the panda sleeping blissfully on the floor, and once she reached her father's futon, shook him lightly. When her father stirred, she straightened out her nightgown nervously.  
  
"Yes, what is it, Kasumi?" Soun asked, still muddled with sleep.  
  
"I'm sorry to wake you, father, but I heard a noise downstairs, and, well, I was scared!"  
  
"Mmmn, a burglar you say?" the Tendou Patriarch sat up, now alert to any potential threat that may have entered his home.  
  
"Oh no! Akane went and looked, and nobody was downstairs, but I'm still so frightened, father.  
  
"There, there, there's nothing to worry about," Soun placated, "Just go back to bed and everything will be alright."  
  
"Um... father?" Kasumi began to squirm a bit uncomfortably, "May I, well, that is, with all the perverts around, and, well..." Soun looked his daughter over as she wrung her hands together nervously, this was the first time in three years she had made such a request, and even then they were rather uncommon.  
  
"I suppose, I guess it's alright, but you do realize Saotome's also in here?"  
  
"Oh, I don't mind, he's like family now."  
  
Soun smiled towards his eldest daughter, and allowed her to come under the covers with him, "Hmm, I would have thought you've outgrown this, but I suppose you'll always be daddy's little girl."  
  
"Thank you father, this means a lot to me."  
  
"Now, there's nothing I won't do for my little... is that your foot on my inner thigh, Kasumi dear?"  
  
"Of course not, father," Kasumi said sweetly.  
  
"Hmm I guess I'm just imagining things, then."  
  
"After all, father, how can my feet be down there when I have my ankles behind my head?"  
  
Soun let out a light chuckle, "Well, I guess it wouldn't make much..." Soun paused, and then slowly turned to look at his daughter.  
  
"I think it's just my hand you were feeling, father."  
  
"Oh, my little girl's so flexible, just like her dear mother!" Soun began to tear up, and threaten to burst into a deluge.  
  
"I'm not wearing any panties, father."  
  
"Your dear Mother would say the same thing!" With that, Soun let forth the torrents.  
  
"Father, don't you think it's pretty?"  
  
"You even shave it like my lovely Kimiko!" Soun cried between sobs. Kasumi sighed, and got out of her father's bed before she was totally soaked. Maybe she'll just come back later.  
  
After she left, Soun ceased his crying, and let out a heavy sigh of relief.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Good morning, Nabiki!" Kasumi said chipperly, grating in a way that every non-morning person would find it. This morning though, Nabiki found it twice as annoying as before.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, 'morn'n Sis."  
  
"I don't want you to be late for school or breakfast, and you always like to sleep in late."  
  
Nabiki opened eyes wider and looked at Kasumi, "You've never been this concerned about my morning schedule before..."  
  
"But I worry about you!" Nabiki sighed at the concerned look in her sister's eyes.  
  
"Alright, if it'll make you happy, I'll get up. Satisfied?" Nabiki grumbled to herself as she got up and got clothing to take a bath.  
__________________________________________  
  
"Father? Father, it's time to wake up, now."  
  
The Tendou Patriarch woke up, recalling a disturbing dream last night. It was about Kasumi poised for a rather intimate and raunchy coupling. Could it have meant something?   
  
Soun dismissed the dream analysis for later, and rolled over drowsily to look at his alarm clock, "Kasumi? Why didn't you let..."  
__________________________________________  
  
Ranma was going through his morning katas in the yard, focusing on bringing himself back to form for the day.  
  
"YEAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!!!" Ranma jumped, and turned with a startled expression in time to see Mr. Tendou lean out of his window, and tumble out of the second story in only his boxer shorts.  
  
"Oh, father, father, father..." Kasumi admonished, re-buttoning the last button on her blouse as she looked out the window.  
  
"Gworf?" enquired a panda's voice from inside the room..  
  
"What was that all about?" Ranma asked, puzzled.  
__________________________________________  
  
Kasumi was poised to knock on Akane's door, and then thought better of it. Maybe her little sister needed more rest before she was bothered. In the meantime, she didn't get a chance to take her morning bath, and with breakfast already done, she could use a nice... nude... sweat.  
  
Kasumi gathered her bath supplies, and headed downstairs. Ignoring the 'occupied' sign, Kasumi walked in and stripped down.  
  
"Hmm? Who's there?" Nabiki called out lazily from the tub.  
  
"It's just me, Nabiki-chan, I didn't get a chance to have my bath, so I'm afraid I'll have to take it with you."  
  
"Fine," came Nabiki's curt reply. Kasumi scrubbed down, and walked into the furo room. Nabiki had to roll her eyes at the way Kasumi attempted to cover herself modestly, "Honestly, big sis, you act like there's nothing I haven't seen before.  
  
"Well, if you're comfortable with it..." Kasumi hesitantly sunk herself unto the large bath, they haven't bathed together except for at public baths in a few years, and Nabiki knew that they still made Kasumi a bit nervous, though it was unnecessary.  
  
"I have no problem with it, Kasumi."  
  
"If you say so..."  
  
Nabiki's uninterested and slightly exasperated face went blank, as she slowly turned her eyes to Kasumi.  
  
"Nabiki, is something wrong?" Kasumi asked, straightening her leg a bit more. Nabiki looked down into the water, and then quickly but calmly got out of the furo, dried herself off, got dressed, and left.  
  
Kasumi blinked, and then turned forward while lifting her foot out of the water, "Hmm, maybe I should have clipped them first."  
__________________________________________  
  
Akane came downstairs meekly, looking for Ranma. Kasumi spotted her and gave her youngest sister a bright and warming smile, "Good morning, Akane, are you feeling better today?"  
  
Akane nodded slightly, and went back to scanning for her human security blanket.  
  
"If you're looking for Ranma, he's out back assisting with father, he took a nasty fall out the window. Go ahead and have a seat for breakfast, he'll be here in a few minutes," Akane gave a tiny nod again, and walked woodenly to the dining room.  
  
"Good morning, Ranma," Kasumi cheerfully called out while making the preparations for breakfast.  
  
"'Morning, Kasumi," Otoku-Ranma replied, carrying Soun on his shoulder in a fireman's carry, "Where you want me to set him?"  
  
"Oh, between my thighs would be nice."  
  
Ranma blinked, "come again?"  
  
"Only if you bring me off the first time, Ranma-kun."  
  
Ranma blinked again, "I don't follow..."  
  
"Never mind," Kasumi replied in her usual cheerful tenor, "Did you sleep well last night?"  
  
"I guess I slept okay," Ranma stated, not mentioning that he spent most the night watching over Akane. He looked closely at Kasumi, "Did you do something different with your hair?"  
  
"Oh my, yes I did. Thank you for noticing." Kasumi beamed at Ranma's observation  
  
"Hmm, guess it looks good on ya, need any help with breakfast?"  
  
"Oh, I'm done with the preparations, Ranma-kun."  
  
"Okay then, I'll just... huh?" Ranma looked down to see a pair of hands rubbing on his chest."  
  
Kasumi blinked, staring at her empty hands, "Is there something wrong, Ranma-kun?"  
  
Ranma stared at the eldest Tendou daughter from the other side of the table, "Ka-Kasumi? What?"  
  
"I'm sorry Ranma, I didn't mean to startle you like that," Kasumi's face turned into a slight pout.  
  
"Uh, don't worry about it," Ranma placated, turning to leave the kitchen, when he noticed something, "Hey, wait a minute, when did you start remembering who I.... HEY!!!!!" Ranma dodged just in time to avoid a cold stream of water.  
  
"Ranma-kunnnn," Kasumi cooed, in her hands was the sink rinser, "Did you know I have needs? Needs I've ignored for... far... too long?"  
  
"Um, uh..." Ranma 'ummed' and 'uhed', trying to think of the correct response. Finally one came to him, "Ka...sumi?"  
  
"Now, if you'll be so kind to help me... alleviate those needs..." Kasumi's serene and sweet face twisted into a lecherous smirk that made Ranma's heart jump into his throat, and she took aim with the sink rinser.  
  
"GUH!" Ranma dodged the jet of water, and took off running from the kitchen. Kasumi's face darkened at her failure, and then brightened, Ranma now knew she was willing, and he couldn't stay dry forever.  
  
"What's going on in here?" Nabiki asked, with an irritated tone; she stopped when she noticed her older sister. Without a word, she turned around and walked back to the dining room. Nabiki noticed Ranma hanging tightly close to Akane, which wasn't unordinary, except for the fact that he was eyeing the kitchen wearily.  
  
Testing a theory, Nabiki spoke, "Anyone notice Kasumi acting peculiar today?" Ranma immediately snapped to lock eyes with the middle Tendou daughter at the mention of 'Kasumi', "I thought so, we're going to have to have a little talk before school, Ranma-kun," Ranma's throat went dry, and he mutely nodded in reply.  
  
About then, Kasumi set breakfast out. The whole family looked at everything warily.  
  
"Uh, Kasumi, what's this?" Nabiki asked, looking at the rather unorthodox spread.  
  
"I thought we would try something different, we have coco-de-mer jelly with pine nuts, oysters in a garlic, ginger, and clove sauce, and Jasmine tea with gingko.  
  
Everyone stared at the food with more than a little trepidation.  
  
"Uh, what an... exorbant meal," gulped Soun.  
  
"Sis, where... in the Hell... did you come across coco-de-mer jelly?" Nabiki asked incredulously.  
  
"You're so silly, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi giggled, sitting down and spreading a bit of the brownish-green jelly onto a piece of toast, and handing it to Ranma. Ranma switched from looking nervously from the proffered food to Kasumi, "What's the matter, Ranma? Is there something wrong with the meal?"  
  
Genma had already started gulping down the food, and with Kasumi's last carefully worded statement, everyone else dug in, much to Kasumi's delight.  
  
"I'm glad you all are enjoying it, now who's ready for an orgy?"  
  
"PPPPHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFTTTTT!"  
  
"Gotta get to school! Bye sis!" called Nabiki, wiping her mouth of the spittle that remained  
"GWORF WRAR ARF!"  
"Right indeed Saotome, it's a nice day to go on a week long training trip!"  
"HEY! What about me?"  
"Ranma-sama! Don't leave me!"  
  
"Hmm, maybe I added a bit too much Chan-su..." Kasumi enquired, licking the shell of an oyster erotically.  
__________________________________________  
  
::WHAM!!!::  
  
"Uh, Na-Nabiki, heh, been working out?" Ranma inquired nervously.  
  
"DON'T... talk unless I say so..." Nabiki growled darkly, holding Ranma suspended above the ground by a foot against the spider web crack in the wall, "What... did you do to Kasumi?"  
  
"..."  
  
"WELL?!?!?" Nabiki's eyes developed a wild, malicious look to them.  
  
"BA-BWA-AH-UM-ER..."  
  
"DON'T PISS ME OFF SAOTOME!!!!!"  
  
"I DIDN'T DO NUTT'N I SWEAR!!!!!" Ranma then noticed the battle aura pulsing around Nabiki, and he was frightened terribly so.  
  
The middle Tendou sister studied Ranma closely, then narrowed her eyes, "If you're lying to me..."  
  
"I'MNOTI'MNOTI'MNOT!!!!!!!" Ranma cried out rapidly, waving his hands frantically to placate the girl.  
  
Nabiki snorted, and dropped the boy, "You're pathetic, you know that Ranma?" With that, she stalked off, allowing Akane and Ukyo to come out of their hiding places.  
  
"Wow..." Ukyo stated with awe.  
  
"Ranma-sama, are you okay?" Akane asked nervously, clinging tightly to his arm. Ranma continued to stare after Nabiki had left.  
__________________________________________  
  
Kasumi dawdled about the house, making sure everything was clean and fit, nothing less would do for her family. She was deeply concerned about breakfast, she assumed they weren't accustomed to such exotic foods, and with a nod to herself she decided she would have to make it up to them. Kasumi checked her watch; it was time to clean Ranma's room.  
__________________________________________  
  
"What was with Nabiki today?" Ranma asked, still slightly shaken by the surprising strength the girl had in manhandling him at lunch earlier.  
  
"Eh, she's probably on the rag," Ukyo commented offhandedly, though she was still rather surprised at the assertiveness that Nabiki displayed.  
  
"I guess," Ranma commented, not understanding what Ukyo was talking about, "but she was pretty mad about Kasumi. She has been acting pretty weird."  
  
"Nabiki?"  
  
"Nope, Kasumi. She's just... I dunno, weird."  
  
"You've already said that," Ukyo replied slightly irritated, "Akane, can you elaborate for the idiot?" Akane pushed herself closer against Ranma and looked at Ukyo nervously.  
  
"Well, I guess I'm getting no answer there. This is where we split, see ya." Ukyo diverged, and headed for her restaurant. The rest of the way home was quiet between Ranma and Akane; the latter still acting as meek as before, unnerving the pigtailed boy a bit.  
  
"We're home," Ranma helped guide Akane to her room, and then went to his room.  
  
"Uh, Ka-Kasumi..." Ranma gulped at the sight before him.  
  
"Oh, Ranma-kun, I was in the middle of something when the batteries went dead. Would you be so kind as to slide your head between my thighs and finish the job?"  
  
"ACK!!!!" Ranma stumbled back, and then caught himself, "Hey, wait, that's mine!"  
  
Kasumi looked down, "I'm sorry, should I have asked?"  
  
Ranma realized what he had said in his irritation that Kasumi had gone through his stuff, "Er, um, that's... okay..."  
  
"Thank you, Ranma, I hoped you wouldn't mind sharing,"  
  
"Eh, heh heh, I don't mind sharing, I guess," Ranma yammered nervously, then made a quick about face, "Wellseeyaenjoyyourself!"  
  
"Oh, Ranma?" The pigtailed boy turned to Kasumi's call, and bent backwards just in time to miss a stream of water.  
  
"Oh my," Kasumi exclaimed, holding a super soaker 300 in hand.  
  
"WHADDYA DO...that..." Ranma stopped his shouting, feeling the massive power generator behind him rev up.  
  
"Sao-to-me..." Nabiki growled, the stream of water that just had caught her off guard becoming steam as her temperature flared.  
  
"Uh, hi... Nabiki... nice, um, weather we're having... heh, heh," Ranma said nervously, "Pleasedon'tlookbehindmepleasedon'tlookbehindmepleasedon't..."  
  
"Oh, welcome home, Nabiki, would you like to join in?" Kasumi asked sweetly. Nabiki's battle aura went from hot to cold in an instant.  
  
"Ranma-kun, before I castrate you..." Nabiki pulled out a rusty bowie knife, "I'll ask, what were you doing with my older sister?"  
  
Ranma stood speechless, allowing another stream of cool, refreshing liquid to catch him unawares.  
  
"Ranma-channnn," Kasumi cooed, holding a different type of instrument for impalement. Onna-Ranma turned back to the girl holding a rather large blade menacingly.  
  
"Uh, Kasumi's offer still stands, a-heh."  
  
Nabiki took another step closer. Assessing her options, Ranma started to hum.  
  
"DIE!" Before her conditioning could hinder her, Nabiki lunged to avenge her pure-hearted sister.  
  
"Eep!" Almost caught off guard by the speed Nabiki displayed, Ranma-chan leapt back, feeling herself pressed against nude, full womanhood.  
  
"Oh, Ranma-chan!" Kasumi hugged the pigtailed girl tightly to herself.  
  
"HEYLEMMEGO!"  
  
"That's it, Kasumi, just hold her still while I de-ovulize her," Nabiki said sweetly, walking towards Ranma purposefully. A quick bit of maneuvering allowed the redhead to scoot away from Nabiki's knife swing, gather Kasumi in her arms, and leap out the window.  
  
"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THAT EASILY YOU CORRUPTING SHAMELESS HALFBRED BITCH!!!" Nabiki hurled her knife with uncanny aim towards Ranma.  
  
"YIPE!" The pigtailed girl yipped, as she was forced to dodge in the air and lose some of her forward momentum, "Kasumi?"  
  
"Well," Kasumi started to supply an answer to Ranma-chan's un-fully voiced inquiry, "Father thought it best that we learned some aspect of the art for self-defense, and Nabiki was always fond of sharp objects..."  
  
Ranma-chan whimpered at the unfairness of it all, here she was, her arms full of previously forbidden Kasuminess, and she was too busy running for her life to enjoy it.  
  
"Oh, and I think it's her cycle now too, she's usually pretty moody at this time."  
  
Well, this just gets better and better.  
  
"I'LL SEE YOU DEAD BEFORE YOU CLAIM MY BIG SISTER!" Nabiki growled, following Ranma out of the window, and when she landed pulled another bowie knife from between her cleavage.  
  
"She actually became pretty good at handling knives, Father was so proud," Kasumi commented, proud of her sister's achievement, "Can you put your nose right there, please, that actually feels pleasant."  
  
Setting the nude Kasumi down, Ranma dashed away in order to evade her pursuer. In her maddened rage, Nabiki seemed to have forgotten that she wasn't supposed to be as fast as Ranma, or as strong, and managed to keep up with him quite nicely. Ranma jumped onto the wall surrounding the complex, and gasped as Nabiki performed the same feat. She decided to leap onto the dojo and then the roof of the house, only to find Nabiki still dogging her. With a growl of frustration, Ranma jumped from the roof and back to the ground. Nabiki, the masterful thinker she was, anticipated Ranma and moved to cut her off, plunging upside down with the knife extended in a reverse grip.  
  
"SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!!!" As Ranma touched ground, she was forced to leap backwards as Nabiki's knife stuck into the ground Ranma was just at. Nabiki rolled to recovery, and hurled her knife at the redhead. Without thinking, Ranma leapt through the small open window behind her, hoping Nabiki couldn't follow.  
  
As she landed inside, her foot slipped on a bar of soap left on the furo floor, and sent the redhead head over heels into the still warm bath.  
  
Ranma's head surfaced in time to hear Nabiki's scream of fury escaped.  
  
"Oh man, is she ever mad!" Otoku-Ranma commented nervously, he may not use them that often, but he was proud of his bits. Ranma was a bit too concerned to notice someone else rise from the furo with a sinister grin on her face.  
  
"Good news, Ranma, I found more batteries!" Ranma's eyes widened at the sound of a jet thrust kicking into high gear. Wait, that wasn't an airplane, he knew that sound well from his female side...  
  
"*Gulp*, Um, 'bitch-tamer'?"  
  
"Of course!" Kasumi said cheerfully, Ranma wanted to cry, it *would* have to be the only vibrator his girl side owned, "But it's a lot more interesting hooked up to this portable generator, are you sure you want to be a guy for this?"  
  
"RANNNNNNMMMMMMAAAAAAA!!!!!!" The pigtailed boy once again gathered Kasumi into his arms, and leapt just in time to avoid the two objects that sliced into the wall behind him. Turning his shoulder out and using the rest of his body to shield Kasumi, he ran through the wall.  
  
"Oh, this is so exiting!" Kasumi exclaimed in delight, holding herself tighter to Ranma.  
  
"YOU CAN'T OUTRUN ME FOREVER!!!!!" Nabiki screamed, amazingly articulate with a bowie knife clenched in her teeth, and holding two in her hands.  
  
"I can't hold out anymore, Ranma! I MUST HAVE YOU NOW!!!!" Kasumi cried out in sexual frustration, and maneuvered herself so her legs were wrapped around Ranma's head with his face against her pelvis.  
  
"HEY LEGGO I CAN'T SEE!!!!" Ranma 'tried to call out, but his pleas ended in, *ahem*, 'muffled' cries, much to Kasumi's delight.  
  
"Ooh, that tingles!" cooed Kasumi, wiggling herself in pleasure. Ranma ran about in panic, not sure of where he was heading.  
  
"YOU'RE MINE NOW!!!! RANMA!!!!! TENDOU ANYTHING GOES FINAL ATTACK; KILL THEM A LOT!!!!!!!" A rain of sharp things meant to kill someone a lot headed straight for Ranma's backside.  
  
Kasumi looked at the impending doom, "Oh my." Ranma, hearing death just on his tail, veered to his left, just under a tree.  
  
Kasumi's eyes went wide, as the back of her head connected with a branch, sending her dazed and her hair into disarray. As she slumped forward, it caused Ranma to loose his balance and fall back, sliding on his back in the grass.  
  
"You..." Nabiki hissed, "You've taken liberties with my little sister, you've taken advantage of me... you may screw all of the rest of Nerima... but you never," Nabiki's eyes flashed with an unnatural light as did the knife she held, "*never*... touch Kasumi!"  
  
"Uh, would it help if I said I'm sorry?" Ranma tried to pleaded, unfortunately his voice sounded like it was, *ahem*, in a 'box'. Kasumi moaned and bucked a bit. Nabiki held another knife up high with both hands in a reverse grip, and plunged it downwards.  
  
"KLANG!" Nabiki looked up, furious, to find her youngest sister had parried her away with a halberd.  
  
"There's some Ibuprofen on the counter..." Akane said calmly, while holding her sister's weapon of choice at bay. Quickly forgetting what she intended to do, Nabiki quickly rushed into the house to gain relief from her cramps.  
  
Unnoticed to all, a hairpin that had been knocked from Kasumi, lay on the ground, and suddenly wormed itself to burrow into the ground.  
__________________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan sat on the couch, feeling miserable. She was *so* close!!!  
  
"Oh well," the redhead said with a sigh, "I guess fate decreed to never touch Kasumi..."  
  
"Um... Ranma?" The pigtailed girl in question turned to Kasumi's slightly nervous voice, "I, well, I wanted to apologize for earlier."  
  
The girl let out another sigh before replying, "Don't worry about it, Kasumi-chan, it's okay."  
  
"That's kind of you, Ranma-chan," Kasumi replied, wringing her hands together, "and I... now understand how you were, um, frustrated with me, and..."  
  
Ranma was held captive by the girl's words, "And...?"  
  
"I wouldn't mind, that is, if you still want to, I mean... if it's okay..." Kasumi blushed at what she was trying to say. Perhaps she wasn't being fair to Ranma's needs before.  
  
Ranma's face lit up brightly.  
  
For great patience... is always rewarded. 


	29. Climbing the Peak

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Yes, for great patience, is always rewarded.  
  
And Kasumi is the most patient person in the world.  
  
"Really, Ranma, I enjoyed it, thank you," Kasumi stated serenely, looking upon the smaller girl.  
  
"But... butbut... but... bu..." Ranma-chan stammered, thoroughly worn out from activities.  
  
"It's okay, Ranma-chan, just go ahead and get some sleep," Kasumi put on her most radiant smile, they had been at it for three hours, and she was concerned about Ranma. She knew that the pigtailed girl didn't sleep as much as she should, and Kasumi would feel very guilty if she suffered for it. Ranma had worked so hard for her benefit, and for that se was grateful, so her concern was the least she could return to the redhead.  
  
"But... but.. bu-but..."  
  
"I'll see you in the morning," Kasumi said, kissing Ranma-chan on the forehead, and then softly on the lips. The eldest Tendou daughter pulled herself off Ranma's futon, and put on the robe she brought in with her. After she was decent, she turned to Ranma to flash the redhead another gratified smile, and left the room.  
  
"But... but..."  
  
An almost inhuman, but feminine scream pierced the household, waking everyone up in the area.  
  
"Kasumi.... I'm so, so sorry!" Ranma-chan whispered, with tears in her eyes. She knew how much this had to suck.  
  
Kasumi, indeed, the most patient person in the world.  
________________________________  
  
"Morning Ranma, did you sleep well?" Kasumi asked cheerfully. A dreary-eyed Ranma-chan prostrated herself before the other woman.  
  
"Please, forgive my ineptness, if you would grant me another chance."  
  
"Oh, Ranma-chan," Kasumi went back to chopping vegetables for breakfast, "You shouldn't worry about it."  
  
"But, I failed you in the worst fashion I could imagine!" Onna-Ranma had tears in her eyes.  
  
"Really, Ranma, it's okay, I know you tried your best." Kasumi's voice was holding a slight tension.  
  
"You deserve more than my best... uh, Kasumi?"  
  
::CHOP::  
  
The girl in question was staring at two halves of a cutting board, "Oh my, how did that happen? Ranma, you have nothing to apologize for, I enjoyed our time last night."  
  
"Kasumi, I vow from this moment forward, that I will NOT rest until you feel fulfillment," Ranma pulled herself off the ground, and strode over to Kasumi.  
  
"Hmm? Oh, oh my. Ranma, I really need to finish breakfast, these vegetables need to be cut..."  
  
"Leave em..."  
________________________________  
  
"I'm sorry breakfast was late, everyone, but I had to rewash, er, wash the vegetables."  
  
"Ranma-sama, didn't you get any sleep last night?" Akane asked; staring at the redhead who seemed even more exhausted than when she woke up.  
  
"Fine," Ranma replied, and then slumped face forward into her meal. Nabiki stared at the girl, festering inside. Akane attempted to wake up the spontantiously slumbering girl.  
________________________________  
  
Strategy 1:  
A pressured woman is an unhappy woman. Make her feel comfortable and that it is for their enjoyment.  
********************************  
  
"Kasumi?"  
  
"Yes, Ranma-chan?" the girl in question turned to the redhead from her housework.  
  
"Kasumi, I have to know, last night, you weren't doing it just for me, were you?" Ranma asked, concerned.  
  
"Well, I did it to make you happy," Kasumi replied with a curious tone.  
  
"You didn't have to, I wanted to do it because I wanted *you* to be happy," Ranma emphasized 'you', as she strode sensually up to the taller girl, "I want you to know that I'm grateful for all the work you do around here. It's for your benefit above mine."  
  
"Why, thank you, Ranma-chan, that's very kind of you," Kasumi started to turn back to dusting, when she felt a pair of arms encircle her.  
  
"I really want you to know how glad I am to be around you," Ranma cooed in the taller girl's ear, and ever so slowly started to pull the girl down with her.  
  
"But the housework... oh, I guess a few minutes won't hurt..."  
________________________________  
  
Kasumi was dusting at a furious pace; she reasoned it was to get caught up for the time she had lost coupling with Ranma.  
  
::SNAP::  
  
"Oh my," Kasumi exclaimed, staring at the broken feather duster handle. She tossed it into the trash bin, overflowing with several broken feather dusters.  
  
Nabiki observed her sister, and shook her head slowly, "Ranma, you Kami-be-damned idiot..."  
________________________________  
  
Strategy 2:  
Many women prefer a partner that is assertive. Be firm and take command of the situation.  
*********************************  
  
"You've done enough cleaning for the moment, I want you to relax."  
  
"Oh, Ranma, thank you for the concern, but I'm relaxed when I do the chores."  
  
"It wasn't a request," Ranma-chan's crystal blue eyes hardened and narrowed at the other girl's refusal.  
  
"But, Ranma..." the petite redhead cut the other girl off with a hand, stormed up to her, put her over her shoulder, and stormed upstairs. Kasumi's eyes widened a bit, Ranma was being so domineering. She was finding it a bit of a turn-on.  
________________________________  
  
Kasumi calmly readjusted her blouse as she walked out of Ranma's room. She closed the door behind herself, and jumped at the sound of it slamming. She then scurried out of the door's way, as it tumbled forwards, to reveal a nude and exhausted Ranma-chan sprawled out haphazardly over her futon. Kasumi supposed she would have to have father repair it later.  
  
The eldest Tendou daughter started down the stairs, thinking about the fact that she would have to skip her soaps to make up for lost time. Ranma was trying so hard for her, but Kasumi was happy that Ranma was happy.  
  
::STOMP::  
  
That Ranma was happy...  
  
::STOMP::  
  
That Ranma was happy...  
  
::STOMP::  
  
Kasumi blinked, and looked back at the stairs, the stairs must be very weak from rot.  
  
From her room, Akane watched her oldest sister, and then turned to look towards Ranma's room, "Ranma-sama, you idiot..."  
________________________________  
  
Strategy 3:  
A sharing relationship yields great returns for both parties. Reaffirm to her that it is about give and take; equal exchange is the rule.  
********************************  
  
"Kasumi, you know that I'm enjoying myself, how about you? I mean, are you really enjoying yourself."  
  
"Well," Kasumi replied sweetly, well, as sweet as she could with a twitching eyebrow and clenched teeth.  
  
"I've noticed, that when we're being... intimate," Ranma applauded herself for finding the right tasteful and neutral word, "That you don't seem to participate as much."  
  
"WELL..." Kasumi regained her composure before she continued, "Well, I'm afraid that I'm not as... experienced as you... Ranma-CHAN," Ranma winced at the subtle acidity in the tone.  
  
"Uh, maybe if I, well, taught you a few things... maybe..."  
  
Kasumi perked up at the idea, she was rather curious to the many things Ranma was doing to her, maybe a few pointers will be beneficial.  
________________________________  
  
::SHRIIIIIP::  
  
"Oh my."  
  
Nabiki, Akane, and a half-dead Ranma listened on as Kasumi ripped another bed sheet that she was trying to shake out the wrinkles from before hanging them up.  
  
"Ranma, stop it," Nabiki demanded.  
  
"Can't... stop... Kasumi's... benefit," the redhead choked out, sitting herself up off the dining room table.  
  
"Get a clue, Ranma, you're NOT helping matters."  
  
"Nabiki's right, Ranma-sama," Akane affirmed.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Face it, Saotome, you're not gonna get Kasumi off, and you're going to make the situation even worse than it already is."  
  
"Never, I'll bring Kasumi to fulfillment if it's the last thing I do..."  
  
"If you don't stop, I will *ensure* that it is the last thing you attempt," Nabiki said with an icy tone, pulling out a bowie knife from her cleavage.  
  
"Ranma-sama, you remember yesterday, when Nabiki was... more aggressive than usual?"  
  
Ranma narrowed her eyes at Nabiki, who looked around, unconcerned. Ranma-chan was going to have to pay her back for that episode, "Yeah."  
  
"Well, she's on her period," Akane said with a blush, and earned herself a glare from the middle Tendou daughter.  
  
"Yeah, and what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"I'm also on my period, Ranma, and after a time, you'll start having your periods at the same time we do," Akane said with a blush.  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?"  
  
"What she's telling you, daughter-in-law," a decrepit voice interrupted, "is that when women are together long enough, their cycles begin to sync."  
  
"I'm still not following you..." Ranma stopped, and her eyes widened, and then returned to normal, "So, Kasumi is having her period, what does that have to do with me stopping?"  
  
"Daughter-in-law, she is at the height of her cycle. This is the time when she is also at the height of her sexual appetite, and from what I gather from the conversation, Kasumi anorgasmic. She can't as you say, 'get her rocks off'."  
  
"We already know that you old mummy! Cut to the chase!"  
  
"I'll go call for a table replacement," Akane replied, getting up to make the call.  
  
"Bill it to the Cat Cafe, I apologize for losing my temper," Cologne apologized, "Now that I hopefully cracked your head open enough to get some info through your thick skull. She's already extremely horny, and you keep stimulating her, and she can't peak, makes for a rather irritated..."  
  
::SHRIIIIIP::  
  
"Oh my."  
  
"Kasumi," Cologne finished, "Exactly how many times have you two gone at it?"  
  
"I can't back down from this, the Saotome School of Anything Goes Sensual arts is at stake!" Ranma pulled her face out of the table rubble, and brought a fist up in determination.  
  
"Ha!" Cologne chortled, "Maybe all she needs is a good, fleshy rod up the muff!"  
  
"You think this is a time to jok... wait a minute, THAT'S IT!"  
  
"Ranma, you're being a moron again, just give it up," Nabiki almost pleaded, though the idea did have it's merits...  
  
"All I have to do is become male, and get it on with Kasumi, and she'll have the time of her life! It's brilliant!"  
  
"Um, Ms. Brilliance, you just have one problem..."  
  
"Huh?" The redhead enquired, just before upending the kettle over her head.  
  
"She's in her period, you could get her pregnant if you don't..."  
  
"OH NO! UH UH!!! NO WAY!!! LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!!!!!" Otoku-Ranma quickly bounded from the house, determined not to be brought into his girl-side's sick pleasures.  
  
"...use protection," Nabiki shrugged; at least he'll leave Kasumi alone.  
  
"Ranma-Sama!" Akane cried out, and went in pursuit of the pigtailed martial artist.  
  
"Hmm, I suppose I should tag along to make sure they don't get into trouble," With that, Cologne took off in pursuit. Nabiki rolled her eyes.  
________________________________  
  
"Go away! I ain't gett'n involved with this!" Ranma cried out, as he was being pursued by Akane on the rooftops. Akane surprisingly had taken to roof hopping like a natural, but still lacked the speed that Ranma had. She slowly lost ground to Ranma.  
  
Looks like you're gonna loose him, Daughter-in-law," Cologne calmly stated to Akane, pogoing right next to the raven-haired girl.  
  
"You have to help me, he's Kasumi's last hope!" Akane pleaded with her 'mother-in-law'."  
  
"Well, I'm not sure that he'll be able to scratch Kasumi's itch, but I guess I can lend my assistance," Cologne sped ahead of the short haired girl.  
________________________________  
  
Nabiki walked down the street towards her destination. Akane of all people should have known that there was a better alternative. Even if they could catch Ranma, trying to force him to do anything against his will was a near impossible feat.  
  
"Baby sister, sometimes you just don't think ahead." Nabiki reached her destination, the local clinic, and let herself inside.  
  
"Oh, hello, Nabiki, how can I help you?"  
________________________________  
  
Ranma ran as fast as he could. It wasn't that he didn't WANT to help Kasumi, he really did, but he felt Kasumi was like a mother to him. That was more than enough to turn the idea down flat. The idea of getting her pregnant on top of that made things worse many-fold; that would mean that he would have to marry her, and he couldn't do that to dear Kasumi. She deserved someone who could truly make her happy. In that his female side spoke for both of them, he appreciated Kasumi greatly, and would do *almost* anything for her. Give him an army to fight for her, tell him that he had to starve in order for her to eat, make him wait on Kasumi hand and foot, but he could not do the wild thang with her.  
  
"Get back there, you damn virgin!" Ranma blinked, puzzled.  
  
"Nu-uh! You leave me out of your sick games!" Ranma yelled out. He mentally shrugged when he got no response.  
  
"Son-in-law, must you always make things so difficult?" Cologne sighed, as she pogoed along side the pigtailed boy.  
  
"I already told ya, I don't want a part in this!"  
  
"I usually wouldn't intervene, but it was on request of your co-wife, so I'm obligated to help her," With that, Cologne stabbed her staff towards Ranma. The pigtailed boy twisted away from the blow, and then pushed into the air to get to a higher plane.  
  
The Amazon matriarch followed, unhindered, and struck the roof, sending a wave of shingles at Ranma. Using his amaguriken speed, the pigtailed boy parried every shingle away from him, but didn't have time to maneuver out of the way as Cologne came up behind him.  
  
Ranma's leg flashed back to kick the matriarch away, and Cologne leapt over it, aiming to brain Ranma with her staff. The young man parried it with his wrist, and then back flipped off the roof.  
________________________________  
  
"Kasumi has a problem?" Dr. Tofu repeated nervously, his cup of tea slightly shaking in his hands, "What sort of problem?"  
  
"Oh, one that I think only you can cure," Nabiki answered over her own cup.  
  
"Perhaps if you started from the beginning."  
  
"Of course, you see, Ranma-chan has been having sex with Kasumi."  
  
::CRACK::  
  
"Oh dear, these cups are so fragile, heh heh..." Dr. Tofu started to wipe the hot tea from his hands with a towel. Nabiki smirked at the reaction.  
  
"Apparently, Kasumi has a problem reaching climax. It's under the assumption that she possibly needs a man for the job, and the male Ranma's too much of a coward when it comes to sex."  
  
"Yes, I noticed that," the doctor replied with a smirk.  
  
"So, this is where you come in... I noticed that you're not acting like a stuttering idiot when I mention Kasumi's name..." Nabiki mentioned, earning a nervous chuckle from the doctor.  
  
"Heh heh, well... Ranma-chan and Akane helped me take care of that..."  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  
________________________________  
  
Before Ranma could gain a foothold from his landing, he was tackled from the side.  
  
"Ranma-sama, we need you to help my sister," Akane pleaded, looking at Ranma with glistening eyes.  
  
Ranma's breath caught at the sight of the girl's face, and couldn't trust himself to answer for a few moments, "A-Akane... I..." Ranma turned his face away, "I just can't, sorry."  
  
"Good distraction, daughter-in-law," Cologne called out, descending with her staff at an immobilizing pressure point.  
  
"HEY!" Ranma just barely managed to roll away with Akane in his arms in time. Unconsciously, Akane snuggled closer to Ranma, feeling more secure than she had since even well before the 'deprogramming' incident, "That was a dirty trick!"  
  
"Ranma-sama!" Akane called out when the pigtailed boy let her go and started to take off.  
  
"Forget it Akane, I trusted you and you go and set me up for the old ghoul!" Ranma didn't think before he spoke, and started to run.  
  
"But I... I wasn't..." further words were choked off by Akane's sobs, as she collapsed to her knees, and began to cry into her hands. The girl's sobs stopped Ranma dead, and he turned around to see Akane. His heart lurched for doing that to her, and no matter what she asked of him, no matter what she'd do to him, he couldn't make her or let her cry.  
  
"Akane," Ranma tested, approaching the girl and then kneeling before her, "Does this mean that much to you?" Cologne stopped her silent approach from behind, and decided to see how this played out. Akane didn't bring her face from her hands, but shook her head in the affirmative.  
  
"All, all right, if it really is that important, I'll, I'll do it with Kasumi for you," Ranma's expression changed to slight irritation at having to give in, "Satisfied?"  
  
Akane finally looked up towards Ranma with a tear-streaked face, "Thank... thank you, Ranma."  
  
"Okay, okay, let's get going already," Ranma said gruffly, standing himself back up.  
  
"Okay Ranma, just one more thing?"  
  
"Sure, whatever," Ranma tried to sound indifferent.  
  
"Can you... carry me?" Akane liked being in Ranma's arms.  
________________________________  
  
Ranma, Akane, and Cologne arrived to find Nabiki guarding Kasumi's door, the whole house was shaking slightly.  
  
"Uh, Nabiki, what's going on?" Ranma enquired.  
  
"Well, while you were off running away..." Nabiki started.  
  
"I was NOT running away!"  
  
Nabiki waved him off, and continued, "I went and got someone to help with whatever ails my dear older sister."  
  
"Who did..." Akane smacked her forehead, "Of course, I feel so stupid."  
  
"HEY! I coulda helped Kasumi just fine!" Ranma stated firmly in his defense.  
  
"Whatever, Saotome, but..." Nabiki was cut off by the cries of a woman who swore she had just seen Kamisama, "the problem has already been taken care of." Nabiki smirked, alls well that ends well.  
  
"OH TOFU!!!"  
  
"Hmm, didn't take him long to get her off again," Nabiki mumbled.  
  
Kasumi wailed in absolute delight.  
  
For she was the most patient person in the world. 


	30. The Return of Mousse

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
It had been several days since Kasumi had gotten together with the family doctor, and the two had been enjoying it immensely. Ranma and Akane both sat smiling, as they watched the eldest Tendou daughter busy herself around the dining room.  
  
"She's definitely happier than I've seen her in ages," Ranma-chan said cheerfully, Akane snuggled up to her partner and nodded in agreement.  
  
"How can you tell? Kasumi's *always* happy," Nabiki replied, though even she had to admit that her older sister was practically glowing.  
  
"Oh, she's probably feeling much better than she had in a long time," Ranma affirmed, wrapping one of her arms around Akane.  
  
"Yes..." Soun said darkly from behind his newspaper, "And she's much more talkative too."  
  
"And that's when I Dr. Tofu pushed, and it felt like something was broken. I was afraid that it was something horrible, since we already knew it wasn't my hymen, but dear Tofu-chan told me that he probably just pushed through the cervix, that it shouldn't be anything to worry about." Kasumi giggled, and went to get the rice to set out for breakfast. Soun crumpled his newspaper further, trying to keep himself steady.  
  
"Sounds like you had yourself a good day yesterday," Nabiki commented idly, "and all the way through the night too."  
  
"Oh, and it felt like a fire hose too, I didn't think he would ever stop!" Kasumi's voice carried the concern from the previous night.  
  
"Uh, that's... nice, dear..." Soun thought Kasumi now was giving a bit too much information.  
  
"Yeah, he does tend to build up a great deal, doesn't he?" the redhead mused to herself out loud.  
  
"Isn't this your period?" Nabiki voiced her own concern over it, not that she wouldn't like to see her older sister happily married to the good doctor.  
  
"Oh, Tofu-chan took care of that." Kasumi replied cheerfully.  
  
"That's good," Soun replied with a bit of strain in his voice.  
  
"Oh my, Tofu-chan was so energetic, it felt like I was on a mechanical bull!" Kasumi said with innocent exclamation. Soun tore his paper in half, and stood up.  
  
"Nabiki, dear, would you contact us a family doctor?"  
  
"Uh, why, Daddy?" the middle Tendou Daughter asked curiously.  
  
"Because, dear, I'm going to go kill our current one." Soun calmly went to the dojo to grab the family halberd. Everyone else blinked.  
____________________________________________  
  
Mousse stood on the walls of the Tendou household, looking into the dining room. His recent return had left him bitter, after discovering the reason why his beloved Shampoo actually spurned him. It was all so clear now, and there was the devil to pay.  
  
"Ranma," Mousse growled, trying to convey all the animosity that his heart contained for the redhead, "You will pay for ruining my Chance with Shampoo."  
  
With that, he turned and leapt from the wall.  
____________________________________________  
  
"Great Granddaughter, it has been a while since you had visited your spouses, is there a reason for this?" Cologne asked her heir.  
  
"Yes, great Grandmother," Shampoo replied with a bit of bile in her voice, "Is because Shampoo airen want to put French fry in Shampoo happy meal!"  
  
"That really isn't a bad thing, you know?" Cologne answered with a drawn voice.  
  
"Is very bad thing! They make want make Shampoo very very happy till Shampoo feel much, much pain!"  
  
"That's *only* if you get pregnant, idiot," the Matriarch replied, the notions the girl held were humorous at first, but now she was becoming as grating as her mother.  
  
"Yes, and airen want Shampoo happy and pregnant, is not what you say, Great Grandmother?"  
  
"Shampoo, I think another talk is in order..."  
____________________________________________  
  
"WHAT?" Otoku-Ranma yelled, becoming unnerved from the girl's close attention to him. Nabiki didn't answer, just turned back from her staring at her potential fiancée to the TV. Ranma rolled his eyes, and decided that he didn't need to be in the same room as her.  
  
"Kasumi, you know what's up with Nabiki? She's been acting pretty weird."  
  
"Oh, I'm afraid I'm not sure," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, "Did you know Dr. Tofu does the most amazing thing with his hips?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, you mean when he rotates clockwise and then trusts at that funky ang..." Ranma caught himself, "NO! I *don't* know what you're talking about, Kasumi!"  
  
"Oh well," Kasumi turned back to dallying in the kitchen.  
  
"Akane's the only sane one around here," Ranma grumbled, walking upstairs to hang out with the girl. Ranma reached the door with the yellow ducky on it and knocked.  
  
"Yo, 'Kane, you decent?" receiving no reply, the pigtailed boy shrugged, and let himself in, "Huh? 'Kane?" He was answered by a blur that attached itself to his waist, and nearly bowled him over, "HEY! LEGGO!!!" Ranma moved to pry the girl from his legs, but thought against it. If Nabiki was acting weird, Akane was fit to be a Kuno. In resignation, the pigtailed boy sighed, and inched himself to Akane's bed, dragging her along. Once he sat down, he pulled Akane up, and allowed her to snuggle into his arms.  
  
"What am I going to do with you, Tomboy?"  
____________________________________________  
  
Nabiki strode out the walls surrounding her. She needed to get away from Ranma for a bit, since attempting to think around him was becoming a vicious distraction. Her thoughts circled around what Ranma had told her not too long ago...  
  
"Please, Nabiki, I don't want to fight with you anymore. I'm your fiancée, I just don't want to hurt you anymore."  
  
Nabiki shook her head furiously; she could not have wanted the insensitive jerk, in either form. But the insensitive part couldn't have been true, could it?  
  
"Did he really mean what he said?" It was of no doubt that something was influencing the pigtailed boy, he was just way too forward for his usual self. But the look in his eyes, it seemed as if he definitely meant it, "Oh, get off of it, Nabiki Tendou! It's obvious that he's gonna be Akane's, you'll just have to make due with seconds."  
  
Nabiki reached up with her right hand and dragged it from her left side of her face to the bridge of her nose, as much as she resented the control that was taken from her that first time so long ago, there was a feeling of something that she had felt missing for so long, an emptiness that had been filled. It was a feeling she got every time she got attention from Ranma, whether it was negative or positive, or from Ukyo for that matter. She thought back to how she enjoyed watching the okonomiyaki chef squirm from her advances. The middle Tendou sister almost craved it, like it was a ghosting taste that danced on the full of her tongue. It didn't take a genius to figure out what it was...  
  
She was lonely.  
  
Sure, the sex and flirting was fun, but it wasn't substantial, like it seemed Ranma and Akane's relationship was. Kasumi's newfound relationship with the family doctor only seemed to bring everything to the fore. Nabiki dragged her right hand across the right side of her face to her nose idly, and then growled and wiped her moistened hand onto her pants. She choked down the sniffle as she moved forward. The world was a harsh place; this wasn't anything she couldn't overcome. Maybe she should drop by Ucchan's for a bit of lunch, and maybe a bit more. She changed direction, right before she was bundled in chains.  
  
"Akane Tendou, you shall be my hostage in order to lure the harlot Ranma Saotome into my clutches, so that I may punish him for attempting to separate me from my dear Shampoo!"  
  
"Huh?" Nabiki questioned, her melancholy forgotten, "You idiot, Akane's my sister!"  
  
"Please, Ms. Tendou, do not take me for such a fool, as to think that a weak ploy like so would buy your freedom." The young man with the long hair in robes stated firmly.  
  
"Wait, you're Mousse, right? What is this all about?"  
  
"This... this is about Ranma's seducing my dear Shampoo, so that she would never accept my affections. But this is not a time to talk," Mousse jerked the chains that were wrapped around Nabiki, sending her flying into his arms. He would deposit Nabiki at his base of operations, and then deliver his message of challenge to the pigtailed girl.  
____________________________________________  
  
Ranma sat with Akane, just comforting her for a few hours. Not that he didn't mind doing it, but his legs were starting to go numb. Thankfully the shorthaired girl had gone to sleep, allowing him to carefully maneuver her without any incident. All that was shot, as an arrow shot through Akane's window, waking her up.  
  
"Aw man, I was almost home free!" Ranma groused to himself, and looked at the arrow that was imbedded into the wall, "Hey, there's a letter attached to it."  
  
"Ranma  
  
I am holding your precious Akane Tendou hostage. If  
You ever want to see her again, you will meet me at  
the address listed below at the appointed time also  
listed. This shall give you more than ample time to  
say your last goodbyes before I make you pay for  
keeping me from my dear Shampoo.  
  
P.S. Please do not be late, I have to look for an  
apartment early in the morning. And as you know,  
finding one in this area will be rather trialsome."  
  
Ranma blinked, and turned to a startled Akane, "Hey, 'Kane, are you currently kidnapped?" Akane's eyes went wide at the mention of her being kidnapped, and she grasped onto the pigtailed boy tightly.  
____________________________________________  
  
Nabiki grumbled as she looked about the old high-rise studio that was covered with pornography posters, if she was going to be kidnapped, at least her kidnapper could have picked a more tasteful location.  
  
"I trust you're comfortable?" Mousse said, as he entered through the window, "What's that smell?" Nabiki also griped that he would have to pick somewhere that was over a train station too.  
  
"What makes you think Ranma's going to come for me?" Nabiki demanded.  
  
Mousse gave a low chuckle that made Nabiki grit her teeth, as if the trains were not enough, "My dear Akane Tendou, it is obvious that there is no one that the redheaded harlot cares for more than you. She will most assuredly come to claim you."  
  
"That would be true, if I were Akane, you idiot."  
  
"Really, Akane, isn't this game a little unbecoming of you?"  
  
"Listen, you stupid jerk, Akane is my SISTER! I'm NABIKI!!!"  
  
"If you find this charade comforting, continue it all you want. In the meantime, I shall go await Ranma." Mousse headed downstairs to await his chance at vengeance, leaving Nabiki to curse his name.  
____________________________________________  
  
"Nihao! Is Shampoo airen here?" the bubbly Amazon enquired. Her grandmother explained things to her a bit more clearly, and now knew things better. In fact, she was very willing to try a few.  
  
"Oh, hello Shampoo, did you know Dr. Tofu can pull me to sitting with just his penis alone?" Kasumi greeted. Shampoo blinked.  
  
"Uh, is nice, where Ranma and Akane?"  
  
"They're upstairs in Akane's room." Shampoo nodded, and then headed upstairs.  
  
"Ranma, Akane, Shampoo here!" The girl announced herself as she walked in.  
  
"Oh, hello Shampoo," Ranma replied, "Someone kidnapped Akane."  
  
Shampoo looked at the frightened girl clinging to Ranma, "Akane right there."  
  
"I know, that's the confusing part!" Ranma replied, scratching his head, and looking at the letter.  
  
"What that?" Shampoo took the letter from her beloved's hand, and then scowled, "Is Mousse handwriting."  
  
"Hey, Mousse is back?" Ranma asked; he wanted to talk to him about that weapons technique he used. Shampoo nodded in affirmation.  
____________________________________________  
  
Mousse stood upon a high stage platform as Ranma, being held onto by Akane and followed by Shampoo, arrived in the studio.  
  
"Man, it smells musky in here!" Ranma's nose twisted his nose at the offending smells.  
  
"It smell like Shampoo room," the lavender haired girl stated factually, and then blinked and nervously chuckled, "Ah, heh..."  
  
"So, Saotome, I see you've brought my beloved Shampoo along. So much better for her to witness my victory over you."  
  
"Ha, stupid Mousse never defeat husband!" Shampoo stated factually.  
  
"Husband?" Mousse enquired curiously, and then looked closer, "Shampoo! Ranma cannot be a man! As you have been enslaved to only know women's service!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Ranma demanded.  
  
"I think he said Shampoo only likes sex with women," Akane clarified.  
  
"Heh, well that's where you're wrong! Shampoo fears sex entirely!" Ranma stated smugly, "Isn't that right, Shampoo?"  
  
"Actually, Shampoo think she want girl-girl, is no pain, but make very happy, yes?"  
  
"..." Ranma replied.  
  
"And see Ranma, Shampoo has been warped by your nefarious perversions!" Mousse tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robes and glared menacingly at Ranma, "Because of you, Shampoo may never want to experience my touch."  
  
"I don't think it woulda matter with or without any interference from me," Ranma replied skeptically.  
  
"Oh, but you see, once I realized that you had purposely set me up so that Shampoo may fell me and humiliate me..."  
  
"I was trying to help ya, you jerk!"  
  
"I went back to Jusenkyo, so that I may find the spring of drowned girl."  
  
"Shampoo no want stupid Mousse even if girl!" the Amazon adamantly proclaimed.  
____________________________________________  
  
"This, dear sir, is the famous training grounds of Jusenkyo," the guide announced in very cultured and articulate Mandarin, "I understand that it's majesty can be awe inspiring, and entice many to visit it, but I for the life of me cannot fathom why you would want to locate the spring of drowned girl."  
  
"There is much I would do for my beloved Shampoo, caretaker," Mousse walked towards the direction the guide was pointing.  
  
"Um, valued customer, perhaps you should have walked *around* that spring?"  
____________________________________________  
  
"The guide tried to tell me that my curse wasn't all that bad, in fact he was rather envious."  
  
"So, if your curse isn't all that bad, why you tak'n it out on me? I change into a girl!" Ranma shouted, agitated that this guy apparently got one of the good curses, and he was griping about it.  
  
"But this is truly a curse, for it most assuredly bars me from being able to express my love with Shampoo, unless she is to overcome her fear of a man's touch." Mousse pointed directly behind Ranma, though it looked to everyone that he was still pointing at the pigtailed boy, "Because of you, I have fallen into the worst spring of them all!!!" Mousse dropped his pants and lifted the front of his robe.  
  
Ranma stared.  
  
Akane began drooling, while hugging Ranma tighter.  
  
Shampoo backed away in wide-eyed terror.  
  
"SPRING OF OVERENDOWED PIMP WHO USED TO CONSTANTLY SMOTHER HIS PENIS IN COCAINE!!!!"  
  
Ranma continued to stare.  
  
Akane wiped her mouth, and started massaging Ranma's biceps.  
  
Shampoo shrieked in absolute terror. Her grandmother had told her, the longer it was, the more happy it could make her, and the more pain it could also bring.  
  
"I am now doomed to sport this monster in my cursed form, while it shall never go flax. I must use my mastery over hidden weapons to disguise my shame."  
  
Ranma snapped to at that, "YOUR SHAME?!?!"  
  
"You know what it's like to have an eternal hard-on?" Mousse asked with tears, "I can't even get decent relief. You know how much a pain it is to jerk this thing off?"  
  
Ranma suddenly felt the overwhelming need to beat the hell out of the Chinese young man and assert his own manhood.  
  
"Enough banter, Saotome, prepare for a technique that has been passed down from generation to generation, so deadly that only one of each generation may learn it. Behold, ANGRY FOWL SWARM!!!!" Suddenly, Mousse's arms shot out, and began to retract chains that hadn't been noticed previously.  
  
"Uh oh," Ranma exclaimed, pushing both girls out of the way. As one chain went taunt, a training potty flew towards him, forcing Ranma to dodge the projectile. Mousse jerked to the side, contracting another set of chains. Ranma dodged the projectiles that came from behind him. This was going to be too easy, after his bouts with a certain 9 and a half-year-old mercenary.  
____________________________________________  
  
Nabiki heard the commotion, and called out, "Hey! Somebody get me out of here!"  
  
"Huh? Oh, Nabiki!" Akane called out, and started up a flight of stairs near her. She found her sister tied up in a room filled with old videotapes and posters. Akane wrinkled her nose at the smell.  
  
"Not... a word," Nabiki growled, "What are you doing here anyway?"  
  
"I'm here with Ranma, he's downstairs facing Mousse."  
  
"Ranma came... to rescue me?" Nabiki asked with a bit of awe.  
  
"... yes," Akane replied, as she began to untie her sister, no sense telling her the truth.  
____________________________________________  
  
"Is this all you got, because I'm getting pretty bored," Ranma idly commented, while he precariously dodged the flying objects that were launched at him. Mousse growled as he realized his technique was not having any affect, and pulled the remainder of the chains before leaping into the air.  
  
Ranma easily evaded the hail of flying obstacles, and almost missed Mousse descending towards him.  
  
"RAKING HAWK TALONS!"  
  
"Whoa!" Ranma cried out, twisting out of the way of Mousses clawed feet.  
  
"FIST OF THE WHITE SWAN!" Ranma parried the two swings instinctually, and returned a thrust kick to the myopic young man's stomach.  
  
"Ah!" Ranma cried out, trying to regain his balance from his kick. It felt like he kicked a steel pole.  
  
Mousse chuckled, "You see, my greatest bane is also a great asset in battle," Mousse went into a northern Crane stance.  
  
"Thanks for pointing that out," Ranma stated dryly, "KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"  
  
"Wha? You know..." that was as far as Mousse had gotten.  
  
"RANMA!" dual voices shouted, and two bodies slamming into him, almost knocking him off balance.  
  
"Ranma, you actually came!" Nabiki cried out, hugging her pigtailed hero tightly.  
  
"Uh, sure, of course I would," Ranma replied, a bit puzzled.  
  
"Shampoo knew husband beat Mousse easy!" the bubbly Amazon exclaimed, as she bounded over to Ranma.  
  
"Heh, he wasn't a problem," Ranma replied, walking, with the two Tendou sisters under each arm, up to the girl, and receiving a straining potty shattered on his head.  
  
"No touch Shampoo," the Amazon replied casually to the twitching pigtailed body.  
  
Nabiki and Akane gathered Ranma, and carried him on their shoulders out of the old porn studio. Several moments later, Mousse regained sentience, "This... isn't the last... Saotome..." 


	31. A Matronly Visit

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
The woman returned a polite smile to the passer-by, as she walked down the sideway while shifting the long bundle in her arms that was wrapped in fine rice cloth. She was a beautiful woman, which she knew, not even needing the confirmation of a couple weeks prior. That young handsome man that had hit on her did much to boost her confidence, though. She also hadn't ever felt so tempted, but she would remain faithful to her husband.  
  
For this, she had remarkable willpower, restraining herself from adultery for ten... very... *very*... long years. Fortunately she had her job working at a small but bustling novelty shop and hobbies that kept her occupied, such as gardening, various female pen pals in which she used recycled paper to address them, cooking, and such that most common Japanese housewives partook. Also, the letters she received from Genma to give her comfort on nights she thought to be by herself, helped alleviate any loneliness she felt.  
  
But the letters had not been coming for a sizable amount of time, and with this, Nodoka Saotome started to become concerned. This was the reason she had decided to visit an old friend and training partner of her husband's, Soun Tendou.  
  
The auburn haired woman walked down the stairs that would lead to the subway trains. She knew Kimiko and Soun had three beautiful daughters that she had yet to meet; it was silly for her to take so long to do so.  
  
Sure she may not have been close to Soun or Kimiko; with Soun always with Genma to the point where she had to wonder about those two (though any decisions her dear Husband Genma made, she would support fully and lovingly), and her and Kimiko just not getting around to seeing one another. Though last she saw Kimiko, the Tendou wife had parted with heartfelt words such as, "You idiotic and delusional space cadet with so little significant matter between the ears that the cranium was strictly for ornamental display who should have her tubes tied and effectively remove herself from the gene pool for the general sake of humanity."  
  
It was silly for Nodoka to hold such a childish grudge for so long, and besides that, Kimiko had yet to apologize for those unkind words.  
  
The woman carried herself in a regal fashion onto the public transportation, and was fortunate enough to find a seat. Maybe Soun knew the whereabouts of her wayward husband. They were always so close. Hopefully, at least he could give her a vague idea where he may have headed to or last been, she didn't want to consider that her husband or her son were now with their ancestors. She didn't want to wait any longer.  
  
She turned in her seat a bit to the side, unnoticing the train full of eyes that seemed to follow her motion. It wasn't uncommon to get such stares, she really liked to wear beautiful kimonos for the stares she received, and she liked to remind other people of Japan's lovely history and culture in some small part by her outfits. Nodoka shifted her long package in her arms, and as she did so, most the men and a few women watched very carefully, and a few gave pleasant shudders at the action.  
  
Nodoka returned the smile of one glassy eyed subway patron, though not as goofy as she received.  
_______________________________________________  
  
"I trust you enjoyed yourself?" Cologne asked, not bothering to look towards her Great Granddaughter. Shampoo gave a mute nod, her face still stuck with the dazed look she's worn since leaving the Tendou household.  
  
"It's good that you're finding married life so... fulfilling." Shampoo tripped on her way up the stairs, and didn't even bother getting up from where she was, before falling asleep.  
  
"Ahhh, newlyweds..."  
_______________________________________________  
  
"Ranma-sama, don't you think we're pushing her a bit too much?" Akane asked timidly. Shampoo seemed to have lost a lot of her exuberance since after the ordeal with Mousse.  
  
"Na, we're just making up for lost time," Onna-Ranma stated casually, before turning to walk away from the Cat Cafe, "She'll be happier for it."  
_______________________________________________  
  
"Great Grandmother," Shampoo called out in her native language, too tired to concentrate on speaking Japanese, "Will my sphincter dilate back to normal size soon?"  
  
"Give it a few hours, Shampoo. Did you make sure you removed all of the potato? It would be unsanitary if you did not."  
_______________________________________________  
  
Ranma sighed as they walked down the road, everything was at peace. Akane was by her side, Dr. Tofu and Kasumi were together, Ukyo and Ryoga have been quiet as of late, Mousse hasn't been seen for a few days, Shampoo was now participating in their activities, and Ranma-chan herself felt satisfied. Everything was beautiful.  
  
They passed by the park, and Ranma-chan stopped at the sight if a young girl with a pigtail tripping and falling. Quickly, the girl's mother was there to comfort the now crying child, holding her in an embrace full of love and protection.  
  
Akane caught the redhead's wistful look at the scene, "Something wrong? Ranma-Sama?"  
  
Ranma sighed again, "No, nothing important." The redhead continued walking, as Akane stood with a contemplative expression.  
_______________________________________________  
  
"We're bac-WULF!!!!!" The air left the pigtailed girl's lungs, as she was slammed into by a black and blur. Akane stood, blinking in confusion as she watched the redhead being carried away underarm by her transformed father. With a guileless expression on her face, the raven-haired girl picked up a large rock, tossed it in her hand once, and then lunged it at the speeding panda.  
  
"Thanks, wonder what's with Panda-chan?" Akane only shrugged in response.  
  
"Well," Soun's voice continued, "It has been a while, Nodoka. And what brings us the pleasure of your visit?"  
  
"Well, it's embarrassing, really, but I was hoping perhaps you could tell me the whereabouts of Genma and Ranma? Perhaps any clue that may at least give me a location to begin searching?"  
  
"Oh, no need to worry!" Soun said cheerfully, "They're right..." and small automobile came crashing through the wall, landing on the Tendou Patriarch."  
  
"My, people should be careful where they park their vehicles," the woman stated with slight distaste.  
  
"Hmm, what's up? Pops never hefts anything past his own bodyweight unless in immediate danger," Ranma-chan mused suspiciously.  
  
"Oh dear, I suppose I will have to wait until Tendou-san recovers. I was so looking forward to finding out where Genma and Ranma were. He seems to know."  
  
"Oh, you're searching for Uncle Saotome and Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked cheerfully as she walked into the living room.  
  
Nodoka turned to the lovely lady who opened the door and gave that... interesting... fact about her suitor, "So they have been here?"  
  
"Oh yes, in fact they're..."  
  
A panda on a unicycle blowing a loud trumpet juggling bowling pins rode through the living room with a sign around it's neck saying, "[LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! Don't pay attention to her!!!]"  
  
"Uh, what do you think you're doing Po..." A bowling pin colliding heavily enough to render unconsciousness to a cranium interrupted the redhead.  
  
"[Whoops, clumsy me,]" The panda's sign said as it's head was bowed sheepishly.  
  
"My, what an incredible panda," Nodoka stated with awe, "You have him trained so well!"  
  
"Oh my, that's no a panda, that's..."  
  
The Panda bowed after it's spectacular drum solo on the full drum set, "[let's hear it for Mr. PANDA!!!!]"  
  
Kasumi and Nabiki held up lit lighters and waved them in the air.  
  
"Mr. Panda," Nodoka repeated out loud.  
  
"What the HELL you do that for, Panda-chan?" Onna-Ranma said in a growl.  
  
"Oh my, you get the feeling Mr. Saotome's trying to hide something?" Kasumi leaned over and asked her sister Akane.  
  
"That is such improper language for a young lady," the visiting woman reprimanded the redhead.  
  
"Huh? But..."  
  
"No buts, and your attire!"  
  
"What? What's wrong with my clothes?" Ranma asked defensively  
  
"You're dressed like such a tomboy! How do you expect to catch a boyfriend as you are?"  
  
"Believe me, there isn't a problem with that one," Nabiki stated dryly.  
  
Nodoka was scandalized, "You mean, you are of loose morals?"  
  
Ranma blinked a couple of times.  
  
"Young lady, what is your name?"  
  
"Uh, Ran.."  
  
::WHACK::  
  
"Ranko Tendou?" The matronly woman read from the sign that collided with the back of the girl's head. The panda nodded furiously.  
  
"Okay Panda-chan you're DEAD!" The redhead growled ferally at the now cowering panda. A firm hand grabbing onto her shirt collar arrested her leap.  
  
"Now, now, it's not proper for a young lady to act so," Nodoka struck a dramatic pose, while cradling her ever present long bundle under her arms, "I shall teach you the proper ways of womanhood! This I vow!"  
  
"Good, we can start with anatomy," Ranma-chan chirped.  
  
Nodoka's glare turned disapproving, "yes, let's. I notice you're not wearing a bra."  
  
"Well, I like the jiggling sensation," Ranma-chan replied, "And Akane and Nabiki don't seem to mind." Akane blushed while Nabiki openly stared.  
  
"That's no excuse! Now why don't you go and put one on? You'll feel a lot more comfortable, I assure you."  
  
"Uh, but I don't have any."  
  
"Um, Ran...ko-sama, er, Ranko is our cousin from up north, she's a little, um, uncivil." Akane added stated cautiously. Genma didn't want this woman to know about Ranma or him, and until she found out the reason, she'd play along. Nabiki looked sideways at her sister, wondering why she was participating in this deception.  
  
"Ranko, who the hell is Ranko?" Ranma-chan almost shouted.  
  
"Language! Young lady!" Nodoka chided again, this was going to be a lot of work rehabilitating this lost soul in the arts of proper womanhood, "I think we'll first go shopping."  
  
Ranma looked at the woman warily, while the panda had a panic attack.  
  
"Oh dear, I think Mr. Panda is choking on something!" Akane moved towards the panda, acting like she was going to tend to it.  
  
She started patting it on the back, and whispered to it, "Okay, *Panda-chan*, spill it."  
  
"[Akane, you must NOT let Ranma reveal himself or find out that that's his mom, it's a matter of LIFE and DEATH!]"  
  
Akane raised an eyebrow at the sign he was coyly only allowing her to see, "Aren't you being a little dramatic? You don't expect me to take this seriously, do you?"  
  
"[As serious as a belly slitting!]"  
  
"Huh?"  
_______________________________________________  
  
"Okay, what's Panda-chan's excuse?" Ranma asked with a withering glance towards Akane.  
  
The raven-haired girl looked towards the matronly woman in front of them, and spoke when she was sure she wasn't paying attention, "Forgive me, Ranma-sama, but it's for your own good."  
  
"And since when have you been deciding what's good for me?" the redhead replied, raising an eyebrow. Akane looked down at her with a frightened nervousness, like she had just overstepped her bounds dramatically. Ranma-chan sighed, the girl's confidence was just finally starting to build back up too.  
  
"Alright, if you want me to continue this charade, I'll do it for you, not the panda."  
_______________________________________________  
  
It didn't take long at all to get into the charade.  
  
"Oooh, this is nice! Can you hold this for me, Akane?" The girl in question mutely took the article of cloth (clothing would be too generous a description), while still covering her face with her other hand.  
  
"What's wrong, Akane-chan? Is there anything you would like to try out?" Nodoka asked kindly.  
  
"Uh, that's... okay," the raven haired girl replied from under her hand, "and, can you stop using my name in here, please?"  
  
"Akane! This would just look great on you!" Ranma-chan said, holding up a golden yellow strip."  
  
"I have to agree with Ranko-chan, you would look nice in that." Nodoka urged; she didn't want the other Tendou girl to feel left out.  
  
"I'll... take your word for it, Ranko-sam... Ranko."  
  
"Really, Akane," 'Ranko' chided, "We finally have someone old enough to make purchases for us in these stores, and you're just not being accommodating."  
_______________________________________________  
  
At the next store...  
  
"So, if you press this button, it makes the nipples vibrate?"  
_______________________________________________  
  
And the one after that...  
  
"Your usual 15% discount, Nodoka-chan?"  
_______________________________________________  
  
Akane covered her head, as they sat in the food court for an early dinner, she just couldn't directly look the redhead in the face.  
  
"Now, are you not feeling much better in that bra?" Nodoka asked 'Ranko'.  
  
The girl in question quite happily nodded, and pulled on the straps of her bra, causing the pitch of the vibrations to change slightly, "You're right, they feel much better now! Thanks... uh..."  
  
"You know? I just realized, I never told you my name!" Nodoka stated a bit shamefaced, "You can call me Sao..."  
  
"YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?" Akane yelled, pointing to Nodoka's plate.  
  
"Akane-chan, it's not nice for you to interrupt like that.  
  
"I'm sorry, auntie." Akane apologized, again seeming to regress into herself.  
  
Nodoka had a dazed look on her face, she liked 'Auntie'.  
  
"Are you okay, Akane?" the redhead asked a bit concerned.  
  
"Uh, yeah, I'm okay, I guess."  
  
"Come to think of it, you have been looking rather flushed the whole trip," Nodoka replied with her own concern, "I think we've done enough shopping for today. We're not far from my home, why don't we go there to try on your new clothes and some tea; possibly something for Akane to help her calm down?"  
  
"Huh? Calm down?"  
  
"I guess," Ranma replied, looking down at the five bags of clothing she had with her.  
  
"Um, I'm not sure that's such a good idea..." Akane stated nervously, "We should probably head back home before they start to wonder what happened to me and Ranm-Ranko."  
  
"Nonsense, you can call them from my phone. I'm sure they won't mind if you were out a little longer."  
  
"Well, we don't want to impose on you," Akane attempted to argue.  
  
"Pish-posh, this has been a great day for this lonely old woman. At least allow the pleasure of spending more of my company with you two."  
  
"I... I..." Akane couldn't say no to the woman, "I guess, for a little while."  
  
"Good, let's gather your belongings, we have a few blocks to walk."  
_______________________________________________  
  
Ranma walked around; there was a surreal familiarity with it all. Akane watched Ranma warily, in case something clicked.  
  
"You have a nice place, Auntie."  
  
"Thank you, though it's rather small, I'm afraid. When me and Gen..."  
  
"*COUGH* *COUGH*, I think I may need that tea after all," Akane interrupted, sniffling a bit.  
  
"Oh my, hold on a second, and I will bring you a cold remedy."  
  
Akane's head slumped in relief, as Ranma continued to look around.  
  
"This is weird..."  
  
"What is, Ranm-Ranko?"  
  
"I feel almost as if I've been here before..."  
  
"*KAFF COUCH HACK*!!!"  
  
Ranma was by Akane's side immediately, "You okay, Akane-chan?"  
  
"Yeah, just... *kaff* ... some spit down the wrong pipe."  
  
"I've returned, and the water for the tea should be about done," Nodoka stated, "Just take this with the tea, and you should be fine. It's a good thing we caught this early."  
  
Akane graciously accepted a glass of water and the cold remedy. Ranma-chan eyed the three cups on the table warily, as their host went to retrieve the tea.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Ranko-chan?" Nodoka asked at the redhead's curious expression.  
  
"I'm... not up for tea, heh... heh..."  
  
"Oh, please try some, it's one of my favorite blends!" She poured the tea in a cup, and handed it to the redhead, "Go on now, try it!"  
  
Ranma gulped, and *very carefully brought the steaming cup to her mouth.  
  
"It is good, isn't it?"  
  
"Oh yes, nice," Ranma replied, being careful to set the tea down gently. Akane let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.  
  
"I'm glad you like it, there's a store around the corner that carries it. I haven't been able to find it anywhere else."  
  
"That's interesting, Auntie."  
  
"Now, I have to ask, what was it like for you growing up, Ranko?" Nodoka had set the perfect instance to start correcting the girl of her bad habits, but first she had to learn a bit about her background.  
  
"Uhhhhh, well me and Pops had been training in the martial arts since I could start walking."  
  
"My, that's impressive," Nodoka stated cheerfully, inside she was cringing, no wonder this girl was an absolute tomboy.  
  
"Yeah, but recently I started picking up another art, one I wouldn't mind showing to you," Ranma stated with a smoky grin. Akane groaned.  
  
"How nice, would you be willing to give me a demonstration?" Nodoka wasn't really focusing on the redhead, but considering how to break her out of unladylike habits; perhaps if she were more interested in this 'other art', it would be a more acceptable avenue than fighting.  
  
"Oh, certainly!" Ranma replied, leaning forward onto the table, and not paying attention to where her elbow landed.  
  
"OW! HOT!" A masculine voice screamed out.  
  
"AUNTIE! WHO'S THAT?" Akane shouted quickly, while pointing to a random picture. She squeaked in horror when she realized who it was.  
  
Nodoka quickly turned in shock at the girl's outburst to the picture, and got a wistful smile on her face, "Oh, that's of my dear son Ranma when he was but only three. He was such an energetic boy. I'm sure he became a fine young man." The woman turned back, and blinked at the sight of Akane staring back with a sickly grin on her face, with her glass held out at an angle as if it had had it's contents tossed out. The raven-haired girl seemed to be squirming at the intense scrutiny of the redhead. Said redhead hadn't caught what the woman had said, more angered at Akane for drenching her and the poor woman's floor.  
  
"Oh, Akane-chan, that wasn't very nice."  
  
"It, um, kind of slipped," Akane's sickly grin never wavered.  
  
"Well, there's nothing that can be done about it, out of those wet cloths before you catch..."  
  
Nodoka realized the girl was a natural redhead.  
  
"...cold"  
  
"You like what you see?" Ranma-chan asked in a sultry voice.  
  
"You are a healthy young woman, but it won't help if you are standing nude. You may catch Akane-chan's cold."  
  
Both girls face faulted.  
  
"Come along to my room, I have a few things you can wear while these hang to dry. I'm afraid that you'll have to stay the night. I'll call your home and let them know."  
  
"Swell, just swell," Akane mumbled to herself. Ranma-chan had the tell tale manic grin that told everyone that she was about to get some.  
_______________________________________________  
  
Ranma walked into the room wearing rather racy sleeping lingerie that Nodoka had loaned her, and plopped onto the second futon their hostess had set out for them. She wasn't in the best of moods.  
  
"Nice lady, but completely oblivious. Even Kasumi got the hint on the first try!"  
  
"Don't worry about it and just go to sleep, Ranma-sama," Akane inwardly cheered, the less time the woman spent with Ranma, the less chance there was of something slipping.  
  
"I wonder what her name is? I never got it."  
  
"Just call her 'Auntie'."  
  
"I guess, but it doesn't sound quite right to me." With that, Ranma lay down and attempted to drift to sleep.  
_______________________________________________  
  
Ranma woke up in a dreamlike state, the early dinner left her feeling kind of hungry. In a peculiar familiarity, she navigated to the kitchen and grabbed something while barely awake. Even mostly asleep, she polished the piece of fruit off, and then staggered back down a familiar route to go back to bed. One that was familiar, but not the way to get back to the guest room.  
_______________________________________________  
  
"I feel refreshed!" Akane stated, as she stretched for the morning. She looked towards Ranma's futon, finding the redhead missing, "Ranma?"  
  
She got up and looked through the small place, not finding any trace of her, and finally decided to ask Nodoka what may have happened. She walked to the main bedroom, and found the door wide open. She walked in, and almost bumped into the dresser that was right next to the entrance. Akane turned to it, and her eyes went wide at it's contents; she would think people would keep *those* items in the bottom drawer, at least!  
  
She quietly closed the drawer, and then turned to the bed, "Auntie, have..."  
  
Auntie seemed to have the same sleeping habits Ranma had. Like for instance, the particular habit of kicking off *all* their clothes so they were nude. It was easily comparable, as Ranma was laying next to her in the same condition. What made it a bit disconcerting was the fact that they were almost in a light embrace, with their legs tangled together.  
  
Akane reassessed what she thought of Nodoka's sleeping habits, as it might not have been accidental, seeing as one of the objects (a rather long one and double sided one at that) was laying behind her.  
  
Nodoka awoke, and blinked at whom she had her hands gently holding onto... 


	32. Faithfulness

Spellchecker's too pooped from the wild orgy.  
___________________________  
___________________________  
___________________________  
Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"Hel...lo," Kasumi greeted, looking at a red eyed and extremely flustered Nodoka, an absolutely beaming Ranma-chan, and a skittish and slightly irritated Akane, "Oh my, was your stay at..."  
  
"Yes, very pleasent for some of us," Akane interrupted urgently, but with a slight edge of irritation in her voice. Nodoka didn't say anything, as she just brushed herself past Kasumi into the house. Ranma cheerfully followed, patting Kasumi on the butt a couple of times, causing the older girl to jolt a bit.  
  
"I see Ranma's happy this morning." Kasumi cheerfully stated, Akane groaned, and walked in past her sister.  
  
Onna-Ranma walked in, and noticed her father was in Pandachan form, dripping wet, and playing with an oversized beachball, while watching her and 'Auntie' like a hawk. Akane walked in, and turned her slightly dark gaze to the panda, and slowly shook her head. Pandachan visibly relaxed.  
  
If Ranma had been paying attention, she would had noticed her father was tensed to bolt at the slightest, but as it was, she was feeling pretty high.  
  
"You've just made it in time for lunch, I'll set extra plates out for you," Kasumi dissappeared into the kitchen, while the three ladies sat themselves at the table. Soun had his paper down, nervously looking at Nodoka's flushed and upset face, hoping it wasn't from the worst.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Sao... Nodoka, how are you fairing this fine, er, fine day?" Soun enquired, his voice a bit strained. Genma had informed him of the situation, and what slipping up meant.  
  
"I'm doing fine, er, fine, thank you for asking," Nodoka replied with an equally strained voice. Nabiki walked in at that moment, and glanced at the tense woman, the brilliantly grinning redhead, and her thoroughly irritated sister.  
  
"What's with you, Akane?" The girl in question snorted, and looked away, "You're acting like you missed out on something." Nabiki replied jokingly while sitting down next to her younger sister.  
  
"They could have invited me in," the raven haired girl grumbled under her voice.  
  
Nabiki caught it barely, and then looked to the madly grinning Ranma, and the upset Nodoka. Nabiki's face immidiately went expressionless to hide the surprise.  
  
Kasumi walked in, and set lunch down to be served. Lunch was going rather quietly, as the tension in the air kept it that way. Kasumi frowned slightly at the tense feeling around her, and decided that something needed to break the ice.  
  
"Did you know Dr. Tofu has a third testicle?"  
  
"I DIDN'T TOUCH HER!" Nodoka whined out loud, and then covered her hands over her face to cry. Soun went rigid at the proclimation, and then pulled his newspaper to the front of his face in an attempt to hide from his lunch and the rest of the world. The panda immidiately ceased rolling, while supported on its shoulders in an incredible display of anti-gravitational feat.  
  
"Well, you 'were' the one at found the other end of the double dong," Akane groused. Nodoka cried even louder.  
  
"Cheer up, Akane-chan, it's a beautiful day!" Ranma-chan chirped, rubbing Akane in the back, while hitting the switch next to her armpit.  
  
"ACK!" Nabiki cried out, doing a faceplant into her plate, while her hands shot to her crotch.  
  
"Yeah, it must be for you," Akane replied sullenly.  
  
"OoOoOoOoh YeEaH!" Ranma-chan moaned through the pleasant sensations in her chest.  
  
Nodoka's sobbing could be heard over the vibrations, while Akane stared hatefully at the rest of her meal, as Nabiki valiantly fought to still her ludely bucking and gyrating hips while gasping through a facefull of her meal.  
  
Ranma-chan continued to alternate between smiling and grimacing in extacy; All days should start out this good, she thought to herself.  
______________________________________  
  
"She was that upset about it.. *groan*, huh?" Ukyo stated through gritted teeth, as Nabiki worked on her meal.  
  
"Yeah... *mmmm*, I don't think I've seen Akane this.. *mmph*... aggrivated with anyone in a while.. *slurp*."  
  
"I see you like... *ugh* it runny... Nabiki-chan!" The chef stated through her exertion.  
  
"Oh, mmmm...delicious, it's not often that I get to have something this... *gulp*... tasty."  
  
"Anyone... *Oh! Geeze it feels so tight!*... tell you not to talk with your mouth full?" Ukyo's face contorted in fustration, her tense muscles demanding release.  
  
"Yes Ma'am," Nabiki grinned, and went back to work.  
  
"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!"  
  
Nabiki looked up to Ukyo's face, "Need a hand with that?"  
  
"Na... I... *Dammit! BUDGE!*... almost got it!"  
  
Nabiki finished up the rest of her okonomiyaki, and walked around the counter, "Here." The Chef wordlessly handed the middle Tendou sister the sealed jar, "The trick is to tap the bottom and the lid with something a few times to shake it loose." Nabiki tapped the lid against the grill a few times, and patted the bottom of the jar with her hand. After she was finished, Nabiki strained a bit to open the jar.  
  
"Never heard about that," Ukyo said with awe, right before Nabiki successfully removed the lid, but with a bit of splash everywhere.  
  
"Uh, sorry!" Nabiki apologised, setting the jar down, grabbing her napkin, and patting down Ukyo's outfit at her chest.  
  
"Ugh, this is gonna be hard to get ou-HEY!" Ukyo tumbled back in shock. Nabiki reached out and grabbed for her, but the chef's momentum took them both down, with Nabiki laying flat on top of Ukyo.  
  
"Uh... you have some sauce on your face from the jar..." Ukyo stated while staring into Nabiki's bewildered eyes. She took her finger and wiped the side of Nabiki's mouth. Ukyo's gaze was no less frightened and startled than the other girl's.  
  
"You do too," Nabiki said with a tense, nervous voice, and went to wipe the smudge that spilt onto Ukyo's face.  
  
"HEY! NOT WITH YOUR TONGUE!" Ukyo screamed, throwing the older girl to the side and scooting backwards into the wall.  
  
"Uh, sorry, I guess I got carried away," Nabiki said sheepishly, bringing herself to kneeling.  
  
"Well, I'm tell'n you that I'm not like that! I'm flattered that you find me attractive in that way, but this relationship is ploutonic! Get it?" Ukyo brought her hand up to still the harsh thumping in her chest, and battled for control over her flush.  
  
"Anyhow, it looks like Ranma's latest stunt may be exploitable. Akane's been grumpy about it all day."  
  
"So, you think you can use this to get your sister to see reason?"  
  
"It's possible," Nabiki stated, sitting into lotus position.  
  
"Don't... please get back on the other side of the counter," Ukyo commanded with a slightly shaky voice. Nabiki pouted a bit, but relented.  
  
"I'm not sure how to work it, but once I see an angle, we should have our mutual troubles taken care of," Nabiki stated proudly, and then looked sullenly at her empty plate, "Can I..."  
  
"NO!" Ukyo shouted with a red face, as she finally pulled herself to standing.  
  
Nabiki pouted again, "Then, can I just have another seafood and beef Okonomiyaki with a whole yoke on top?"  
  
Ukyo curtly made Nabiki's order and served it to her, making sure never to meet the other girl's eyes.  
______________________________________  
  
"Boy, I wanna talk to you," Genma growled, while dumping hot water onto the redhead while both of them were on top of the roof, "I demand that you stay away from that woman!"  
  
"I wouldn't BE going near her if you hadn't given me this stupid curse!" Ranma growled, while driving his elbow into his father's head.  
  
"I mean it boy, you *will* avoid her, especially in your girl form."  
  
"Like I can help *that*! It's all your damn fault, Pops! Why she got you so freaked in the first place? What did you do to her?"  
  
Genma's eyes narrowed, "That's none of your damn business at the moment."  
  
Ranma blinked, surprised at the tone his father was taking with him. It wasn't often that he was this stern, but when he was it was serious, "Okay, I'll *try*, but I ain't giv'n any promises, especially with this damn curse."  
  
"There will be no *try*. You simply *will*."  
  
"Ranko-chan, what are you doing up on the roof?" Both male Saotomes baulked, as the ladder clanked against the side of the roof, "Oh, there you are, and how did you get Panda-chan up here?"  
  
"I'm, um, not sure how he gets up here, um..."  
  
"Call me Auntie Sao..."  
  
::WHAM::  
  
"[Auntie!]" the Panda's sign read. The redhead glared at the oversized raccoon, rubbing the back of her head.  
  
"My, Panda-chan is so rambungious."  
  
"Yeah, we're gonna have to do something about all that energy," The pigtailed girl growled threateningly, imagining several ways to completely wear her transformed father out. Ranma turned to the woman, having noted the hidden nervousness in her voice, "What's up?"  
  
"Well..." Nodoka fiddled with her hands, as she got situated on the roof, "It's about last night." The panda twitched.  
  
"Don't worry, I enjoyed it quite a bit, you're pretty good!" Ranma-chan chirped. The panda twitched again.  
  
"Uhhhhhh," Nodoka fought down the flustered feelings, "but... I... well..."  
  
"You want more? I can be accomidating," Ranma stated with a sensuous grin, and approached the other woman on her hands and knees. The panda began to growl, and aggress towards the redhead.  
  
"NO! Wai..." Nodoka stumbled back, and off the edge of the roof. Ranma-chan's eyes grew wide, as well as the panda's, and both rushed to save her. Ranma-chan had been closer and much faster, and caught the woman in the air.  
  
Nodoka's eye opened when she didn't feel a jarring stop, and opened the other. Once she concluded she was safe, the older woman turned and looked at the face of her savior.  
  
"Are you okay?" Ranma-chan asked with a great deal of concern.  
  
"I..." Nodoka started, and began to think to herself, "How could such a small frame be so powerful?"  
  
Both of them turned to the sound of a crack, and found Akane holding a piece of the porch rail in each hand.  
  
"Your hands are wandering, Ranko," Nabiki said from behind her sister with a smirk; she couldn't have even planned this better. Both Nodoka and the redhead turned their looks to find the girl's supporting hand that was at chest level.. well... at chest level.   
  
Nodoka leapt from the girl's hands, while the panda growled, stood up on it's haunches, and went into a threatening martial arts stance.  
  
"I'm going for a walk," Akane said calmly, and turned back into the house.  
  
"Akane-chan, wait!" Nodoka quickly rushed to the girl to explain herself.  
  
The raven haired girl turned a baleful look to the older woman, "What... Auntie?"  
  
The matronly woman flinched from the tone in the girl's voice, "Akane, I... with your cousin... I mean it's not what it seems." Both women ignored the loud cry of "enough!" from outside.  
  
"Oh yeah, and what was the double-head for?" Akane folded her arms, with an unamused look on her face. Both ignored the loud and heavy smack that shook the house.  
  
"It's just easier to wiggle it around with more slack..." Nodoka realized what she was saying, and cleared her throat to start over, "I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, or your cousin, please believe me!"  
  
"Fine, you wouldn't do it intentionally," Akane replied with a bit of acid in her tongue, as she slipped on her shoes, and stepped out the front door.  
______________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan stood staring where Akane dissappeared, "A-Akane?" She was then made to duck a heavy swipe meant for her head.  
  
"Pops, what's gotten into you?" The redhead shouted, dodging several more attacks, her father didn't seem to be holding as much back this time.  
  
"Stand your ground and FIGHT!" Genma-panda growled to emphesize the sign, and managed to clip the Redhead in the arm, drawing blood with it's claws.  
  
"ENOUGH!" The redhead shouted, with her eyes glowing red. Her aura flaired brightly, as her father's body was sent flying into the walls that surrounded the grounds. Nabiki blinked at the large, pulsating corona that surrounded the pigtailed girl. She knew about battle auras, as her younger sister used to produce them like clockwork before Ranma had arrived in their lives; heck, she manifested them on occation, but nothing had ever come close to the one she was seeing now.  
  
Ranma-chan checked the shallow cuts, and decided finding Akane was more important than tending to them. She leapt up to the roof, and spotted the other girl walking out the front gate.  
______________________________________  
  
"Akane, wait up!"  
  
"Leave me alone, Ranma."  
  
"Oh, back to Ranma, is it?" The redhead enquired with an amused, but challenging tone.  
  
"Not right now, I can't talk to you, please," Akane's voice immidiatly switched back to the usual meek tone she used with Ranma.  
  
"What's got you so upset?"  
  
"What's got me so upset? You were screwing your mother, and you didn't even take me into consideration!"  
  
"Hey! It was kinda a spur of the moment thing!" Ranma-chan countered, seeming to miss something in the exchange, "I woulda got ya if I knew it was gonna happen! Besides! What was it with you and Shampoo a while back? Huh? Don't think I forgot about what happened when Mousse first came around!" The redhead folded her arms, and gave the other girl an accusing glare.  
  
"We're married to Shampoo! How can you compare her to this?"  
  
"Oh, so you're taking this Amazon marriage thing seriously, eh?"  
  
"And you're not?" Akane asked with a quiet and suprised shock, "You don't see her or my relationship with you important?"  
  
"What's this 'hers and my' crap? Shampoo's just for fun, and..." Ranma was cut off by the smack that was audible for several blocks over.  
  
Akane lowered her open hand, and gave the redhead an angry and teary eyed glare, "If, if that's how you see her, or me for that matter, you..." Akane couldn't finish, and ran off.  
  
Onna-Ranma stared at the retreating girl, slackjawed, before she recovered her speech, "Akane, WAIT!" The redhead stopped before she got truly started, when she felt a blazing battle-aura behind her.  
  
"Shampoo, Shampoo give her body to airens, and Ranma no care?" The Amazon's head was bowed low, with her bangs hiding her eyes. Ranma stepped back when she noticed the lavender-haired girl's shoulders were shaking with restrained fury, and then baulked at the small tear that escaped the glowing girl's left eye.  
  
"Uh, that's not what I meant, I mean I was... uh... heh, oh dear," the redhead knew there was no talking herself out of this one. The throbbing red mark on her cheek was going to be nothing compared to what was coming up.  
  
"RANMA, YOU IS JERK!!!!" The Amazon launched to into full rage mode, in which nothing that had become the object of its scorn could ever escape.  
  
Cologne stood atop a nearby fence, watching the carnage, "Daughter-in-law, that... you had coming."  
______________________________________  
  
"Aaaaaaannnnnnddddddddd CUT!" the director yelled, truly proud of the scene, "Beautiful, as usual! We didn't even have to do any reshootings!"  
  
"Yeah, Yeah, can someone just get me some hot water, please?" Mousse growled, wiping the sweat, and other fluids, from his body.  
  
"Why you in such a hurry?" One of the girl's with oversized endowments enquired, while the other seventeen behind her giggled. All of them were in full agreement that the boy was a stud to be able to keep it up for all of them for so long.  
  
"Just get me the damn hot water," Mousse snatched the kettle passed to him by one of the stage hands, and dumped it on himself. The male Amazon sagged and sighed in relief, while the girls groaned that the party was over.  
  
"Long Stif Won, you were incredible!" The director exclaimed, with tears in his eyes, "This was truly a masterpiece. Truly a breathtaking work of art!"  
  
"Would you stop calling me by that rediculous and demeaning name?" Mousse grumbled, as he got a towel and began to head for the showers, "My name is 'Mu Tzu', if you must, 'Mousse'."  
  
"Sorry, but it's policy to call you by your stage name while you're on the set. Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you that because of your one-eyed wonder of the world, we got to complete everything early. You got some free time, along with some of the petty cash we have left over."  
  
"Great, I'm starving anyway," the young man grabbed the cash waved in front of his face, and walked over to his robs to store it.  
  
"Hey! No prob! Just remember to eat a lot of protein! We'll need another gusher scene next flick!"  
  
Mousse whimpered as he walked to the showers at the director's last comment, but then grinned to himself. He had free time to pursue Shampoo, and do away with Ranma and Akane.  
  
"Hmhmhmhmhmmmmm, soon, Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendou, my Shampoo shall be free from your clutches!  
  
"He's doing that sinister chuckle thing again!" a woman's high pitched voice called out.  
  
"Isn't it so *cute*? I'm getting wet just from hearing it!"  
  
"Wanna go join him in the showers?"  
  
"Sure! I didn't get to be in the wet scene with you guys," the second woman frowned, but perked up at the new prospect. Mousse whimpered again as he saw the two women walk alongside him. He knew the showers had been sabotaged for cold water again...  
______________________________________  
  
"Akane, there you are..." the heavily battered redhead called out tiredly, limping on a stick.  
  
"What happened to you?" Akane asked without much concern, as she looked over the bridge into the canal sullenly.  
  
"Shampoo..."  
  
"Ah," Akane said almost absently, "Why are you here?"  
  
"I just, well, I wanted to, well, say sorry, I guess."  
  
"Sorry for what?" the raven-haired girl asked tightly, still not looking at the other girl.  
  
Ranma took a deep breath before continuing, "We didn't do anything, Akane."  
  
The girl in question turned to look directly at the pigtailed girl, "Huh?"  
  
"Me and, uh, Auntie, we didn't do anything last night. I just kinda... wandered into her room by accident, and she was already wore out I think."  
  
"But why was she holding you? Why were you both nude?" Akane's accusations kept coming, though she could tell from the other girl's eyes that she wasn't lying.  
  
"I think she was pretty lonely, Akane-chan. She has all those pictures all over her house of..."  
  
"Uh, you didn't happen to take a good look at anyone in those pictures, did you?" Akane asked with a nervous cautiousness.  
  
"Uh, no, why?"  
  
"Nothing important, but you were saying?" the raven-haired girl covered.  
  
"I don't think she's seen her family in a long while, that's why she wanted us over there so badly."  
  
"Yeah, she told us that much. But, why lie about it?"  
  
"I kinda of, well, thought you would think of me as a failure, if I... you know, missed it..."  
  
"You're not a failiure, Ranma-sama," Akane replied with a softer voice, "But that means that you haven't had anything for over a day then," Akane's face became preditory.  
  
"Hmm, I am kinda peckish..."  
  
"Peking Cat?"  
  
"Shampoo's still pretty upset with me," Ranma-chan replied with a wary voice.  
  
"That's okay, you can make it up to both of us!" 


	33. A loving Reunion

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Cologne hobbled into Shampoo's room, and tsked, "Don't worry about working the rest of the evening, or tomorrow for that matter. Just get some rest."  
  
Shampoo attempted to nod to her Great Grand-mother, and failed miserably. The only thing she could reply with was a weak whine of the dying.  
  
"I'll... also have the carpenters come and repair the floor under where your bed matting is." With that, the elderly Amazon left the room.  
  
A nude Shampoo lay lodged in the deep indenture in her floor where Ranma and Akane had worked her over thoroughly. At the moment movement was an impossible feat for her.  
  
"Help," the lavender-haired Amazon squeaked out miserably.  
______________________________________  
  
"PANDA-CHAN!!!!"  
  
The panda in question stood up and was ready to confront his wayward child in the most strict fashion. It wasn't often that Genma was forced to be assertive, but when he was, those were times even Happosai kept his distance. As it was such, Soun decided that it may be best to take a quiet nap in his nicely boarded up and completely sealed room.  
  
"[You and I are gonna have words, boy!]" The sign said. The panda grimaced, when he noticed his mistake, and flipped it over, "[Er...girl!]"  
  
The redhead was not impressed with her father's posturing, and rushed him, pinning the large animal up against the wall with both fists hoisting it up by the lap of skin over it's chest, "Yes, Pops, we are." She said with a steel finality in her voice.  
  
Akane ran in, still buttoning her blouse, "I'm Sorry, Mr. Saotome! I didn't mean to! It just slipped out!!!!" The fight suddenly left the panda at the implications.  
  
"What's all the noise... Akane-chan? Where's Mr. Saotome?" The matronly woman asked anxiously.  
  
"Right here," the redhead growled, dumping a kettle over the animal's head, and his.  
  
"We have a lot to catch up on... mom," Ranma stated with a smile that lacked any mirth; instead holding the promise of a very *dead* panda in the future.  
  
Genma fainted.  
  
Nodoka fainted.  
  
Kasumi said 'Oh my."  
  
Akane said, "Damn, I'm missing a button."  
  
Nabiki looked between everyone involved.  
  
Soun whispered last rights for his dear friend up in his room.  
______________________________________  
  
Ranma stood over his mother with the Tendous watching from the walls of the room and Genma still laying unconcious (from the added 'sedation' Ranma threw in for strictly therepeutic reasons) until the Matronal woman regained conciousness. Soun and Akane fought against their nervousness; Soun for the fate of the young man and his dream of uniting the schools, Akane for losing the one person she now felt she could depend upon most in the world. Not just to death, but to his anymosity for helping his father with the deception of keeping the pigtailed man away from his mother that he hadn't seen in over ten years.  
  
"Ra-Ranma?" Nodoka mumbled as she came to.  
  
Ranma grabbed her hand in both of his, a wistful smile alighting his face as he fought down tears. His mother, he finally gets to meet his Mother after so long, "Yes, yes mom, I'm here."  
  
Nodoka slowly sat up, her face holding awe, joy, nervous anticipation, and overwhelming hope, all rolled into one, "Is, it's really you? My dear child has come back to me?"  
  
Ranma's throat was so choked, he didn't think he could truly speak. He could only trust himself to nod, which allowed a tear to run down his cheek.  
  
"My Son!" Nodoka latched herself to the pigtailed boy as if he were a life preserver in a sea of loneliness, "My Son has finally come home to me!"  
  
Both the woman and young man continued to kneel on the ground, firmly in the embrace that only Mother and her child could share. Smiles were donned on everyone in the room. Nabiki's face held a wistful smile in rememberance of earlier times; brought on by the sheer display of love between the two in the middle of the room. Akane's teary smile for seeing Ranma happier than she had ever seen him before, perhaps keeping Ranma 'safe' wasn't at all nessesary. Soun had no tears with his smile, his expression was one that stated that everything would be fine from now on. Kasumi's usual smile had a bit more to it, and as different as it was from her father's it still relayed the same message. Even the uncouncious Genma held a slight smile, though it may have been dream induced, nonetheless it didn't serve to spoil the moment.  
  
"Yes, Mom, I'm home, and I ain't leav'n you again," Ranma said in a whisper. 'Mom', it felt good saying that, "I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too," Nodoka sobbed back.  
  
Ranma pulled back from the embrace, and blinked. His mother stood up, and looked at Ranma in satisfaction, as he was suddenly wearing white robes, and kneeling with a tanto in front of him.  
  
Akane blinked, perhaps it was more nessesary than she had secondly thought.  
  
"What the..." Ranma shouted, as he turned to look at his father, who was still unconcious, but in kneeling position in white robes with another tanto in front of him.  
  
"EEI! EEI!" Nodoka yelled from behind Ranma; the pigtailed boy went cold with the sound of tempered and finely edged steel slicing through the air as his mother tested her swing.  
  
::THOCK!::  
  
`And a good thing for his cease of motion, too.  
  
"Whoops, let that get away from me there," Nodoka said sheepishly, as she recovered the Saotome Honor Sword that was sticking straight up in the floor just a few inches from Ranma. The pigtailed boy stared at it, wide eyed, before something clicked.  
  
"HEY! NOW WAIT JUST A..."  
  
"Stay still dear," Nodoka commanded gently before the pigtailed boy came to standing, "It's not proper Seppuku ettiquite to move about."  
  
"SEPPUKU!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?" Ranma screeched, as his mother set out paper, a calligraphy brush, and an ink tray for each him and his unconcious father.  
  
"Now, now, quiet so that you can concentrate on writing your death poem... hmm, I hope this blade doesn't need to be sharpened."  
  
"Poem? POPS!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!?!?"  
  
Ranma's mother gave a slightly depressed sigh, "Don't put all the blame on your father, dear. I shouldn't have let him make that pledge in the first place." Nodoka sighed again, "I guess we just weren't the best of parents."  
  
"WHAT PLEDGE?" Ranma squawked, at the edge of hysteria, while the Tendous all stood around with expressions of morbid fascination.  
  
"Why, the pledge for your father to raise you to be a man among men, or that you and him would commit seppuku upon failure."  
  
"AND YOU'RE GONNA HONOR THIS IDIOT'S WORD?!?!?"  
  
"Please Ranma," Nodoka requested of her son with a sad and hurtful voice, "I do not want to do this..."  
  
"Then don't?" Akane supplied helpfully.  
  
"But the Saotome name is a proud one," Nodoka continued without pause, "and honor above all else is something we pride ourselves upon. I just got my only child back, I don't want to lose him again, but it must be this way." Nodoka wiped a tear from her eye. She then plucked one of her hairs, and split it lengthwise down the blade, "Cool! I won't have to waste time sharpening it."  
  
"Uh, doe it strike anyone that this woman seems a few notes short of a score?" Nabiki enquired with a wary glance towards the scene. Nobody had found it productive to argue against the point.  
  
"Er, heh, heh, mom, can I have a moment?" Ranma asked with a strained voice.  
  
"Sure Ranma dear, take as much time as you like," Nodoka stated cheerfully, as she tied a white headband around her brow.  
  
"POP! POP, WAKE THE HELL UP!!!" Ranma shouted, slapping the hell out of his father.  
  
"Oh, Ranma, I just had the worst dream that you and IIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"  
  
"Geez, Mr. Saotome screams like a girl," Nabiki gruffed out, wiggling her pinky in her ear.  
  
"I see you noticed the new threads, DIDN'T you, Pop?" Ranma growled.  
  
"N-n-now Nodoka, let's not be hasty. I mean you haven't seen the boy's abilities, yet..."  
  
"Like the one where he turns into a girl?" Nabiki asked casually."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Soun, Akane, and Genma shouted towards the Middle Tendou Daughter.  
  
"Geez, I thought it was pretty neat, myself," Nabiki replied with a mock hurt tone.  
  
"Actually, my son changing to a girl isn't so bad," Nodoka commented.  
  
"Huh? Then, you consider him manly?" Akane asked hopefully, "Then why are you making them commit Seppuku?"  
  
"*Sigh*, the bra," Nodoka stated wistfully.  
  
"But *you* made him get those bras!" Akane argued, maybe she could save her lover yet.  
  
"Oh, I understand that, and I don't hold him responsible," Nodoka stated factually back.  
  
"Then you have no reason to make him kill himself!" Soun was proud of his youngest daughter, Akane may just well keep the boy alive yet. Genma swore that he would worship Akane after this moment, if he survived, that is.  
  
"I could forgive my son's unusual ability to turn into a girl, I could forgive him wearing bras because I forced him to in my ignorance," Nodoka replied, and then took a deep breath, turned to her son, and gave him a dissapproving look, "But he was enjoying that vibrating bra well too much to be manly."  
  
"Uh..." was all Ranma could manage to get out.  
  
"Ranma-sama, you idiot..." Akane sighed.  
  
"But.. but your son is very manly!" Soun piped in, 'Very manly indeed! Why, in fact, he's courted all three of my daughters much to their delights!" Akane nodded her head fiercely, Kasumi smiled pleasantly, and even Nabiki had to begrudgingly admit that 'he' was good in the sack.  
  
"He's even has 'his' pick of the girls in the neighborhood!" Genma added desperately, while ignoring the fact that 'he' wasn't esactly the one making all the moves.  
  
"And the guys too," Nabiki added, helpfully.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Everyone exept for Nodoka shouted this time.  
  
"Fine, see what happens whenever you need my opinion again," Nabiki replied sullenly.  
  
"I don't know..." Nodoka mused, "I mean the bra..."  
  
"WOULD YOU GET OFF THE DAMN BRA?!?" Akane shouted in agitation.  
  
"Well, that was unladylike," the matronly woman commented at the girl's vulgar outburst.  
  
"Oh, Akane, such language," Kasumi chided.  
  
Ranma followed his father's tactic, finding it possibly his saving grace, "Yeah, I mean, I'm probably the studliest man on earth!" Ranma proclaimed, "Ain't that right, Akane?"  
  
"Uh, I guess," the girl in question replied sheepishly.  
  
"HEY!!!!"  
  
"Come now Ranma, we're running out of sunset," Nodoka urged, "We don't want to have to wait to do this tomorrow, now, do we?"  
  
"But Mom! I am manly! I can prove I'm the damned manliest man you've ever seen!" Ranma shouted, pounding his chest in emphesis.  
  
::Buzzzzzzzz::  
  
"ACK!" Nabiki fell backwards, clutching her crotch.  
  
"Uhhhh, heh heh," Ranma weakly chuckled, descreetly turning the bra off, "I guess that's why I felt so restricted..."  
  
::SPLASH::  
  
"You're not getting out of this, either, Genma," Nodoka chided.  
  
"[Genma? Where? That bastard owes me money!]" The panda in white robes playing with a beachball signed. Ever seen a panda sweat before? Kasumi shook her head, as she doused the panda with hot water.  
  
"NIHAO!" Shampooo shouted from her bike, which was firmly planted on the fallen Soun Tendou's head, "Shampoo bring Ranma and Akane too too delicious lunch!"  
  
"Ah!" Nodoka cried out, accidentally hurling her blade away as she was startled.  
  
"YOU CAN STILL MOVE?" Akane asked her wife incredulously, "I guess we weren't as thorough as we thought..."  
  
"Shampoo still have limp, but is okay," the lavender haired girl chirped, "Aiyah... so you is Ranma's mother?"  
  
"Why, yes I am," Nodoka stated, beaming with pride, while she went to retrieve her sword, which was sticking in the wall and vibrating only a few millimeters from Genma's nose.  
  
"How did you find out? Shampoo?" Akane asked curiously.  
  
**FLASHBACK**  
  
"MMMMMM!"  
  
"Yeah, I bet your mother couldn't do that to you? Huh Ranma-sama?"  
  
"OOOooooh! OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAIIIIYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! TAKE SHAMPOO WITH YOU!!!!"  
  
**END FLASHBACK**  
  
"You were a girl when you were with both of them?" Nodoka asked with a half lidded glare, which then lightened up a bit, "At least you have two lovely girls for your, um, fiancees."  
  
"Oh yes, Ranma-airen too, too much womens for both me an Akane!" Shampoo bubbly stated.  
  
"Okay, you can shut up now," Akane growled at her wife.  
  
"Hmm? Something wrong with Ranma?" Shampoo enquired.  
  
"Nope, nothing's wrong at all," Ranma replied, with a grim expression as he set to writing his poem, "What rhyhmes with 'wild'?"  
  
"Don't worry about it rhyhming, dear, as long as it's expressionate," the matronly woman replied lovingly. Ranma nodded, and continued with what was to be his final piece of literature.  
  
"Is something gonna happen soon?" Nabiki asked exasperately, which was rather lost under her attempt to control her panting.  
  
"NO! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM!!!" Akane shouted, thinking desperately for another solution.  
  
"Well, I'm afraid it's a matter of Saotome honor," Nodoka replied.  
  
"But what about *MY* honor? Akane shouted with tears.  
  
"Oh? What's this then?" Nodoka turned to the girl.  
  
"I... I..." Akane gulped, "I'm pregnant with his child."  
  
Soun's eyes grew wide, just before he crumpled to the floor again.  
  
"You mean I'm going to be an auntie?" Kasumi enquired hopefully.  
  
"Sao-to-me..." Nabiki growled, while glowing fiercly with battle aura. Her hands itched for a nice, long, castrating-friendly bowie knife.  
  
"Oooh! Too, too happy congradulations! Airen!" Shampoo chirped, but thought to herself, "better you than me."  
  
"Grandchildren?" Nodoka whispered to herself in awe, "I'm going to have grandchildren?"  
  
"Ah, yup, got a bun in the oven on the way, heh, heh..." Akane replied nervously, but thought to herself, "Oh... shit..."  
  
"Well then, it appears that yours and Soun's dreams of uniting the houses has finally seen fruitation," Nodoka stated happily to her husband, who was beaming himself with joy, "Now you can both die content."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Came the unified shout, minus a confused Shampoo and a seething Nabiki.  
  
"I'm sorry, but that bra thing really gets to me," Nodoka answered sheepishly, "Ranma?"  
  
"Way ahead of you, Mom," the pigtailed boy doused his tanto in purifying water.  
  
"Such an obedient son..."  
  
"What Ranma do with knife?" Shampoo asked warily, starting to catch on slightly.  
  
"Remind me Mom, am I supposed to go right to left, or left to right?"  
  
"Left to right, and don't forget to twist the blade up to make an 'L' shape to finish it."  
  
"Thanks Mom, you're the greatest!" Ranma braced the knife at his stomach, and began to steel himself.  
  
"Don't be in such a hurry, boy!"  
  
"But Ranma, you don't want to keep your mother waiting, now do you?" a new voice added.  
  
"IIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Shampoo screamed, and cowered behind Akane in total fear.  
  
"Shampoo! I shall make you love a man again!" Mousse proclaimed, grasping onto Soun.  
  
"Uh, young man, I'm afraid I don't like you like that," the Tendou Patriarch stated nervously.  
  
"Um, so you only like girls?" Nodoka asked Shampoo with a peculiar lilt in her voice."  
  
"Uh, Shampoo not know? But Great Grandmother say, uh, Shampoo soon become 'switch hitter'? What that mean?"  
  
"Guys? I'm kinda in the middle of something," Ranma stated with an agitated tone, while holding the knife to his belly still.  
  
"Be patient son! We'll get to that in a little bit!" Nodoka chided, "Oooh, this is better then the noontime stories!"  
  
"Ranma! It is unmanly to whine!" Mousse shouted, further inciting the situation, "Have you no honor left?"  
  
"Hey! Like you're one to talk!" Ranma retorted hotly, "I'm the one boinking your girl!"  
  
"Shampoo never Mousse girl!" The Amazon girl corrected innocently.  
  
Mousse burned with ritious anger, "How... dare... you."  
  
"Oh yeah, we get pretty daring too! Didja know that Shampoo can lick the tip of her nose?"  
  
"RANMA! THAT'S PRIVATE!" Both Akane and Shampoo shouted in unison.  
  
"You mean my son stole your girlfriend?" Nodoka replied with a hard glare.  
  
"Yes! And he did it with no shame, too!" Mousse replied hotly, while internally grinning to sealing his rival's fate.  
  
"HOW MANLY!" Nodoka proclaimed with stars in her eyes. Everyone executed a perfectly choreographed facefault, "And he's bragging about it, too! He reminds me of that Dirk character from my noontime stories!"  
  
"Is Ranma Mother for real?" Shampoo asked Akane sideways.  
  
"But... but... but..." Mousse stammered, finding the situation wildly backfiring.  
  
"Now, now, I understand your jealously of my manly son," Nodoka consoled, "But he was following his manly instincts."  
  
"But..." Mousse continued to stammer, before developing a sinister smile, "Shampoo, how manly am I?"  
  
"Mousse no very manly at all," the girl cowering behind her Amazon law wife retorted.  
  
"Mrs. Saotome, as you can see, Shampoo doesn't consider me very manly at all."  
  
"We are all quite aware of that," Nodoka replied with a half lidded gaze.  
  
"Of course, so you... were you referring to my unmanliness, or Shampoo's consideration of it?" Mousse asked with an indignant glare, before waving any replies off, "Forget it, I don't wanna know. Anyhow, if I'm not much of a man, that doesn't say much for Ranma at all!" Mousse leveled his finger at the glaring boy, "FOR I'M TEN TIMES THE MAN HE IS!"  
  
"Better check your math, blind boy!" Ranma retorted.  
  
"Feh, I don't think you can argue with THIS!" Mousse dropped his pants.  
  
Soun blinked, and then walked out of the room with a neutral expression on his face.  
  
Shampoo passed out, barely before Akane could catch her wife from hitting the ground.  
  
"THAT'S DISGUSTING, BOY!!!!" Genma shouted, while suddenly feeling very insecure.  
  
"Oh my, I think Dr. Tofu's off work, now," Kasumi beat a hasty retreat.  
  
Nabiki stood, her mind boggling at the sight before her, and finding it more than a little intimidating.  
  
Nodoka stared expressionlessly.  
  
"You see? Ranma could NEVER compare to me!" Mousse began to chuckle menacingly.  
  
"Mousse..." Ranma called, using a saccharine sweet voice in his male form, "Did you just flash my Mom?"  
  
"Huh?" Mousse replied, turning fully to face a brilliantly glowing pigtailed boy.  
  
"I thought so," Ranma popped his knuckles, and pounced.  
  
"Oh! How manly for my son to defend his mother's honor!" Nodoka exclaimed with stars in her eyes, and then winced, "Brutal, but manly..."  
  
"Boinked?" Akane, Nabiki, and Shampoo asked curiously, in unison.  
  
Any arguments against Ranma's manhood were quelled. 


	34. Ukyo's Father

Ranma the Amorous Oversexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
Akane slowly approached Otoko-Ranma, as he looked into the evening sky. Their parents were chatting lively in the house, oblivious to much else.  
  
"Ranma-sama, I thought you would be happy that you are back with your mother."  
  
Ranma snorted, and didn't turn towards Akane to acknowlege her further.  
  
"Ranma-sama?"  
  
"You tried to keep me from her," Ranma said plainly and emotionlessly.  
  
Akane's eyes began to tear up, "Oh, Ranma-sam..."  
  
"Don't call me that."  
  
"Ranma... I only did it to protect you."  
  
Ranma finally turned to his potential fiancee, with an emotionally exhausted expression, "I know that, but it still feels like you betrayed me."  
  
"I...I couldn't tell you. Uncle Genma..."  
  
"I'm pretty sure it was Pop's idea, the coward," Ranma said contemptuously, "But you *could* have told me at any time."  
  
Akane backed up slowly, and then turned and ran into the house. Ranma turned away, walked out to the yard, and leapt to the roof to think about things in better seclusion.  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo sighed after recieving another visit from Nabiki Tendou; the girl's crush on her was starting to get past serious and shoot well beyond grating. The Chef liked the girl well enough, but as a friend. Unfortunatly, Nabiki seemed to want more than that, and was starting to become subtly more aggressive with each visit she made.  
  
"Geez, you'd think she'd get the point by now," Ukyo groused, as she continued to scrub the grill. Ukyo didn't want to tell the other girl off, because she was a friend. Friends weren't easy for her to come by, and she probably would not have even bothered to get to know Nabiki if circumstances had been different. Their mutual goal to get rid of Ranma had formed a kinship between them, that for at least one end became a heavy attraction.  
  
"Nabiki, why are you going to make things so difficult?" Ukyo finished the final wipedown, and was about to retire for the night, when she saw the mail she had recieved and almost forgot about. She had precariously sorted through the pile, expecting the usual assortment of either bills or junk mail; she never recieved more than that.  
  
Ukyo choked back the sigh, she wasn't going to let herself get depressed over her friendship issue. Maybe once Akane comes to her senses, she could...  
  
Almost all the mail fell to the ground, exept for the one she was holding, and staring at fearfully. He found her, oh Kamis that ruled, he finally found her. With trembling fingers, the young chef opened the envelope, and started to read the curt letter. Her heart skipped several beats when she read the sentence...  
  
"Ukyo, it's about time I located you.  
  
Father"  
__________________________________  
  
Akane stayed curled up under her covers, despite the earliness of the evening, alone for the night. It was true, what she had done was inexcusable, regardless of the consequences. Ranma had a right to know his mother, even if it was against his own protection.  
  
The raven haired girl continued to weep for her mistake, and even though her sobs, she could hear the soft patter of Ranma pacing on the roof. He was agitated further than she had really recalled seeing him, or her, since that incident with Shampoo.  
  
"Ranma, please forgive me."  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo fought down her enormous panic, and gained control of her senses, "Okay, okay, this letter is only a day old or so, so he probably won't be here till for some time still. I should be able to get everything packed and on a train somewhere away from *here*," the girl thought to herself, "Right, better get going now, I can have Ucchan's sold remotely possibly through Nabiki. Yeah, that's what I'll do."  
  
Ukyo dashed upstairs and into her room to pack, and screamed.  
  
"Oh, greetings Ukyo," the robust beared man said to his daughter, as he set his suitcase down, "I hope you don't mind, I let myself in."  
  
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN?!?!?" Ukyo shouted in surprise and dismay.  
  
"I got in the back door, you still have that nasty habit of leaving it unlocked," the yount chef's father scolded, "and watch your mouth!"  
  
"S-sorry, Dad," Ukyo replied sheepishly, and felt her fighting spirit drain from her like gas through a bad leak.  
  
Her father turned towards her, and gruffed slightly, "It took me a lot to find you, I would almost think you didn't want to see your old man," said old man threw in a glare of dissapproval.  
  
"Oh no! Nothing like that!" Ukyo placated, while sweating profusely.  
  
"Anyhow, we have a lot to catch up on, but I'm too tired from traveling for now. Why don't you go make me something, so I can at least evaluate your skills."  
  
"Right! Your favorite coming up!" Ukyo rushed from the room so fast, that it left a cycling gale through out it. The older Kuonji shook his head, and started to explore his daughter's room to find out how she's like.  
  
Not too much later, Ukyo arrived back in her room, and sqawked at the sight of her father rummaging through her closet, and tossing clothes about, "HEY! I JUST CLEANED MY ROOM!!!"  
  
"Ukyo..." her father replied with a slight pout, "is there not a single article of women's clothing in here?"  
  
Ukyo became ruffled at the comment; an old dispute between her and her father was about to begin anew, "No, there isn't, so back off!"  
  
"Don't you talk back to your father!" the older man bellowed back, "I thought you would have outgrown this foolishness! Yet you still pretain to..."  
  
"It's the Saotomes and *YOUR* fault!" Ukyo shouted back, "How could I be a girl when I had been dumped by my own *FIANCEE*?"  
  
"Ukyo..." Mr. Kuonji rolled his eyes and sighed.  
  
"What's Saotome's fault now?" A third voice asked from the doorway.  
  
"ACK!" Ukyo exclaimed, "Na-Nabiki, what are you doing back he-here?"  
  
"I, um, left something here, and let myself in the back door. I know you're a top notch..." Nabiki trailed off, and made a show of eyeing the other girl, "physically fit martial artist and all, but that's still a bad habit, you know?"  
  
"Oh? Who's this?" the older man enquired. Nabiki raised her eyebrow as she gave him a closer inspection.  
  
"Ucchan, I didn't think you would be into older men, I'm truly hurt you'd pick him over me, really," the middle Tendou daughter said with a pout.  
  
"Well, are you going to introduce me to your friend here?" Ukyo's father enquired.  
  
"Nabiki Tendou, at your service," the girl replied herself before Ukyo could make the introduction, and decided to take a further gamble, "and I'm a little more than just a 'friend'."  
  
"YOU WHAT?!?!?!" Ukyo screeched; it now didn't matter if Nabiki wasn't a martial artist or not, she was going to have the cream color beaten off of her for generations to come.  
  
"Huh? I don't... oh... OH!" Mr. Kuonji exclaimed with wide eyes, and turned towards his daughter, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?"  
  
Nabiki blinked, she would have figured that since his daughter took up men's clothing and forced her to act like a boy for ten years of her life, he wouldn't be so offensive against his 'son' having a girlfriend."  
  
"IT'S NOT..." Ukyo got a strange glimmer in her eye before continuing, one that even Nabiki had to admit she didn't like, "it's not any of your business, Dad!" With that, Ukyo grabbed the sides of a surprised Nabiki's face, and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Nabiki let out a startled cry into the kiss, staring up at Ukyo with wide eyes, before giving in and leaning back to enjoy herself. The elder Kuonji's eyes went wide, and then rolled up into his head as he passed out.  
  
No sooner did the heavy body hit the ground, Ukyo let go of Nabiki and ran for the bathroom. Nabiki fought to regain her breath and slow her heart down from the embrace, "Damn, that was one good kiss." Nabiki's slight glow was dimmed, as she heard gargling and frantic brushing of teeth from the bathroom.  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma leapt from the roof, as soon as he realized Akane was asleep, and walked into the house. He was still extremely mad at her, and didn't want to confront the girl at the moment. He realized he was being selfish and petty, since Akane was only trying to protect him, but it was just the principle of it all. Maybe beating on his father will helped take the edge off his anger.  
  
"Genma, my word!" Nodoka exclaimed, holding up a pair of men's briefs.  
  
"Well, we didn't have the luxury of washing machines on the training trip," Nodoka's husband defended, "only the rivers and streams we found provided any way of washing our clothes."  
  
"There are laws against polluting the enviorment like that," The Saotome wife replied, eyeing the undergarment of indestinguishable color that was at the tip of a broom handle.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Saotome, aren't those the pair you bought only last week?" Kasumi asked, carrying in a plate of snacks and beer.  
  
"YOU ACTUALLY LET AN INNOCENT GIRL LIKE DEAR KASUMI TO SPY THIS... THIS..." Nodoka boggled that the girl was so strong willed to withstand such a sight so casually.  
  
"Oh yes, in fact I washed them."  
  
"SHE TOUCHED THEM?!?!?" Nodoka continued to shout, "HOW DARE YOU ROB THIS GIRL OF HER INNOCENCE!" The matronly woman turned to Kasumi in a deep bow, "I apologise for the horror that had been visited upon you for caring for my husband. There is not restitution that could possibly compensate you for your troubles."  
  
"Really, Auntie Saotome, it wasn't any trouble," Kasumi's arms scrunched up, "Although the training staff had to be compromised to subdue it while washing it a couple days ago."  
  
"Huh? Subdue... BY THE TWELVE KAMIS IT MOVED!!!!" Nodoka screamed, as the garmet seemed to leap from the broom handle, which could be noted for the slight corrosion at the end.  
  
Ranma sighed, and decided that now may not be the most ample time to bludgeon his father into submission, and trudged up to his room while everyone in the living room.  
  
"By the unholy, it's emmitting an ammonia odor!" Soun's voice cried out, and was followed by several sounds of heavy and sharp instruments hitting the floor over and over.  
__________________________________  
  
"Nabiki... 'dear'," Ukyo said through clenched teeth to the girl that was practically hanging from her, as her father stared stoically at the pair, "as much as I'm 'enjoying' the attention, you can go home now."  
  
Nabiki gave a slight pout, "But, you never introduced me to your dad. I'm interested in hearing about the man who raised my dear Ucchan."  
  
"DAMMIT, GO HOME!" Ukyo shouted, her temper finally coming to the fore.  
  
"UKYO! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" The elder Kuonji shouted, "You actually kiss your... er... girlfriend with that mouth?"  
  
"Among other things," Nabiki stated with a saucy grin, managing to pull herself further upon the nerve racked Ukyo.  
  
"Uh, well, er..." Mr. Kuonji commented casually.  
  
"Well, I need to get back anyways," Nabiki said with a sigh, "Gotta make sure there's minimal property damage after the incident with the Saotomes earlier today."  
  
"What? Saotomes you said?" Ukyo's father perked up at that, "As in Genma and Ranma Saotome?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," Nabiki replied guardedly.  
  
"Hmm, it's been a while since I've seen my old friend Genma and his little boy, Ranma," Mr. Kuonji mused out loud, "Perhaps I'll pay them a visit in the morning."  
  
"Well, Ukyo knows the way, just please keep the property damage to a minimum," Nabiki stated, before giving Ukyo a quick peck on the cheek and leaving. Ukyo gave a cracked grin to her father. For the price of rebellion, she will endure in order to get her father off her back.  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma woke up fresh and ready for a panda beating. The morning seemed a bit more cheerful now that he had time to let his temper cool down. After venting the rest of his fustrations, maybe he'll go and let Akane apologise and be big enough to forgive her.  
  
But first, there was a matter of locating a certain black and white and soon to be red all over panda. A startled scream told Ranma of his father's location, and caused the pigtailed boy to groan in irritation; he so hated when he didn't get first dibs.  
  
Ranma rushed downstairs to find his father slowly backing away from a robust man with a beard that seemed a bit familiar. The young man walked up to Kasumi as she closed the door, "Who's he?"  
  
"My Dad," Ukyo stated from the other side of Kasumi, causing Ranma to notice her presence.  
  
"Huh? Mr. Kuonji?"  
  
"Genma! My old pal! How's it going?" The elder Kuonji greeted cheerfully.  
  
"Uh... you're not still mad about the yattai, are you?" Genma asked nervously, "I mean, I was going to give it back, but a band of robbers came along and..."  
  
"Hmm? Yattai?" The other man blinked in confusion, before realization dawned, "OH! Ha ha! Don't worry about it, I was planning on selling it anyways!"  
  
"Oh, in that case," Genma grinned, and embraced the man in a big hug. A big ploutonic hug, Genma would like to make sure everone realizes.  
  
"That does remind me, though," the elder Kuonji handed the elder Saotome a sheet of paper.  
  
"Huh? What's this?" Genma enquired.  
  
"Fees for the yattai, including intrest, and such," Mr. Kuonji replied casually, as if it were not a big deal. Genma gave his second and loudest shriek in the morning.  
  
"Oh! I just realized!" Ukyo's father took the sheet, scratched a few things out on it, and wrote again at the bottom, "There, you should find that a bit more fair."  
  
"FAIR?!?" Genma bellowed, "It's a HIGHER fee than before!"  
  
"Well, I had forgotten to figure in lost profits and damages," the other man replied.  
  
"Well Dad, I got you here, and I gotta get back to open the store, soI'llbeheadingoutnowbye!" Ukyo turned towards the door as fast as she possibly could.  
  
"Wait, I'll go with you!" Ukyo froze, and then slumped at Nabiki's voice.  
  
"Oh my, you're up early, Nabiki" Kasumi commented cheerfully, it wasn't like her sister to be up so early on the weekend.  
  
Nabiki smirked before replying, "Well, I have important business with Ucchan, so I may be out for most of the day." Nabiki moved subtly closer to the other girl, causing her to grin weakly.  
  
"Well, I guess, have fun then," the older Kuonji replied a bit flustered. Nabiki nodded in appreciation and gratitude, before ushering her 'boyfriend' out the door.  
  
The older Kuonji gave a defeated sigh, and then turned to the others remaining, "Genma, I need your advice..."  
__________________________________  
  
Mr. Kuonji, Genma, Soun, Nodoka, Kasumi, and Ranma sat around the table. Akane still hadn't come out of her room, and a few of the less oblivious house residents (read: none of them) figured that she was avoiding Ranma.  
  
"Genma, I just want my daughter to be happy," Mr. Kuonji started.  
  
"Then why you ask'n Pops?" Ranma enquired, asking the man for his opinion on raising a child was like asking Lorena Bobbit on happy relationships.  
  
"Yes, my son may be cursed, but Genma hardly has experience in raising a girl," Nodoka added, not catching the original intent behind Ranma's comment.  
  
"Curse?" the robust man asked, puzzled. As if hearing the call, Nodoka's butterfingers dropped her sword, causing it to land on the tray, causing glasses of water stacked on it to be hurled towards a now redheaded girl.  
  
"Hi," Ranma-chan replied with a wave.  
  
"A-amazing! How?"  
  
"Training trip, long story, tell you later," the redhead replied, while assessing the man with hungry eyes.  
  
"Actually, I was going to ask... your son is rather an attractive young man, before changing, I mean." Genma stood up with a wild and fearful look on his face, and restrained his son turned daughter, while Nodoka stood between her child and Ukyo's father with her sword unsheathed and glaring intensely at the man.  
  
"Um, is there a problem?" Mr. Kuonji enquired, wondering why suddenly the hostile attitudes.  
  
"Kuonji-san, you will not be touching my child," Nodoka commanded with a frigid voice.  
  
"That wasn't my intention," the bearded man stated with a slightly green complextion at the idea, "Actually, I was hoping he could help my daughter"  
  
"Oh, and how is this?" Nodoka asked, calming down and gaining her cheerful demeanor again.  
  
"Well," Mr. Kuonji started again, "At an early age, my poor daughter... developed a peculiar affection for men's clothing."  
  
"So she likes to dress as a guy?" Ranma asked distatched, "We coulda told you that, what's the problem?"  
  
"She wouldn't wear anything feminine, and it broke her dear mother's heart. I tried to raise her to appreciate her girlhood, but I failed miserably. When you and your son came around, I thought I found the perfect opportunity to break her of the habit by engaging her to your son, and thus, making her have to act and dress like a girl to keep his intrest; she seemed to like him enough, after all. But that backfired, and Ukyo used it as an excuse to run away, I'm afraid. I finally find her after ten years, and I find that she's taken her fetish further, and took the Nabiki girl as her signifigant other. Now, I'm a pretty fair man, and wouldn't want anything but happiness for my daughter, but this leaves me in a bind. You see, Ukyo's the last of our lineage, so we need an heir for our family."  
  
"And two girls would not be able to procreate," Nodoka helpfully supplied.  
  
"Maybe if the try *really* hard..." Ranma-chan mused.  
  
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH! That's my daughter you're talking about!" Mr. Kuonji commanded, "besides, it's just not possible."  
  
"Didn't stop us from trying, huh, Mom?" Ranma-chan added, with a wink towards her mother. The whole table remained silent for a few moments.  
  
"I DIDN'T TOUCH HER!" Nodoka wailed and dropped her head onto her arms, as Genma sat rigidly still, and Soun keeled over from a severe nosebleed.  
  
Mr. Kuonji chose to ignore the comment, and cleared his throat to get attention, "Anyhow, it's just an old man's wish that he gets a grandchild, so that he could die happy."  
  
"Well, your wish isn't at all probmatic," Nodoka interstated, "My manly son will be more than happy to fulfill it for you!"  
  
"He will?" Both Ranma-chan and Kasumi enquired. The slight shimmer of light off of the steel that was being subtly withdrawn from its sheath emphesized Nodoka's comment. 


	35. A couple of sizes too small

Ranma the Amorous Oversexed Nympho  
  
  
  
"I tell you, it does this old man's heart proud to know that such a prime young... er... man is willing to break my daughter of her... habits," Mr. Kuonji said, gratefully.  
  
"Er, heh, it's a martial arts duty to help the... um... misaligned," Ranma-chan replied, while nervously eyeing her mother's sheathed sword.  
  
"Well, she doesn't *have* to become pregnant, but I want her to know the pleasures that only a man can bring her. That way I can feel content that she would at least pursue the avenue."  
  
"Well, even if um, we," Ranma struggled with herself to be politically correct, "screwed each other," and failed, in the attempt, "Do you think she'll just, you know, change to liking guys like that instantly?"  
  
"Well, I'm sure you're *manly* enough to persuade her to join the correct team," Nodoka said with a thinly veiled and underlying threat that Ranma didn't miss, while upending hot tea onto her 'daughter'.  
  
"I have faith in you, my boy," the Elder Kuonji interjected, ignoring the phenominon of Ranma's change, "but I have a few conditions as well."  
  
"Oh?" Nodoka questioned.  
  
To answer, Mr. Kuonji pulled out a couple of slight pieces of fabric, "Before hand, I want my daughter to know she's desireable by men. Only then do I think she will not shun the advances of the opposite sex."  
  
"Um, and I need this for...?" Ranma asked, looking at the tiny scraps of neon orange cloth, confused.  
  
"Oh, what a cute bikini!" Nodoka cooed, "I think I have a similar one, myself."  
  
Ranma's eyes went wide, and took a shocked glance at his Mom. After his imagination painted the picture, Ranma dropped the... clothing... for lack of a better word, like it was a scorpion, and scooted as far back from the table as the wall would allow him. Genma's imagination had given him visual reference, and it would be a while before he was concious. At least until the hemmoraging stopped.  
  
Mr. Kuonji turned a stern face to Ranma, "and, not only will she wear this before you do the act, you will take pictures as proof, as well. We Kuonjis do not settle for half-ass jobs!"  
  
"How fortunate you are, my manly son!" Nodoka beemed with pride, before she grew a contemplative look, "Though, you may want to ensure she shaves, before donning this. It just wouldn't be ladylike."  
  
"May have her do all of it, that thing covers very little area," the robust man added.  
__________________________________  
  
"So..." Nabiki started with a smirk, "Where you taking me?"  
  
"Huh? Why would I be taking you anywhere?" Ukyo asked, with an honest expression of curiosity on her face.  
  
"Well, you have yet to take your loving *girlfriend* out at any time," the middle Tendou daughter gave stated in an annoyed pout, "Most girls would feel pretty unloved."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way," Ukyo commented, before doing a double take, "What the... *GIRLFRIEND*?!?"  
  
Nabiki blinked her eyes, and stared back at Ukyo, "Yeah, I mean there isn't anyone else I wanna be with, after that kiss last night," the short haired girl's eyebrows wiggled as a dirty smirk flashed across her face.  
  
"Get this straight, Nabiki, I like you as a *friend*. I just don't like you like that!"  
  
Nabiki gave a frown that could have been considered sincere, and the started to become cold from then on down, "So, you were just using me against your Dad."  
  
"Uh, don't think of it like that!" Ukyo attempted to placate.  
  
"It's nice to know that I'm only good to have around when *you* feel like it." Nabiki replied with a sub-arctic tone, "I think I'll go back and tell your father that you'll be free for today," Nabiki walked to the door of Ucchans, and turned around with an ice hard glare, "Or that you'll have a lot of free time, without me, that is."  
  
The chef began to silently panic, she had finally found a way to keep her father off-balance enough not to pester her, and Nabiki was about to ruin it, "Er... no, I think I can spare a day for you..." Ukyo gulped tightly, "...Na-chan."  
  
Ukyo blinked, as she suddenly found Nabiki's head pressed against her chest; the girl could be blindlingly fast, when she wanted to be, "Really? You're gonna take me out?"  
  
Ukyo encircled the girl with, while a sickly grin spread across her face, and fought the nausia down before her reply, "What the heck, Na-chan, we deserve some time out." Nabiki's eyes glistened, as she looked up at Ukyo's, and with a soft sigh, dropped her head back onto Ukyo's chest.  
  
"ACK! STOP THAT!" Ukyo brought both hands up, to still Nabiki's head from shaking back and forth quickly between her breasts.  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma stared at the door with the yellow duck on it for a good while. He was stuck with a large problem, since he was pretty sure that Ukyo had some anymosity against him; getting her to wear the... item in his possesion was going to be a difficult task without help.  
  
The pigtailed boy decided that he would have to swallow his pride (despite himself being in the right), and make up with Akane.  
  
Ranma took a deep breath, and knocked on the door, "Hey, 'Kane, I wanna talk to ya for a minute." The pigtailed boy was caught off-guard, by the way the door viciously swung open, and a humanoid blur slammed him into the other side of the hall.  
  
"I'msorryI'msorry'msorryI'msorry'msorryI'msorry'msorryI'msorry!!!!" Akane repeated en-mantra, while attempting to squeeze the life out of the young man.  
  
"All's...forgiven..." Ranma squeeked out in agony, while patting Akane's head with a hand that was steadily cooling from lack of blood flow.  
__________________________________  
  
Akane scrunched her nose, as she considered Ranma's plight, "So, you need me to help you get Ukyo to wear this..." she nodded to the bikini with a sceptical expression.  
  
"Uh, yeah, that's about the size of it."  
  
"Size? A sheet of hand memo paper would do better to hide modesty, and Ukyo's pretty conservative."  
  
"But, you'll help me, won't you, Akane?" Ranma asked hopefully.  
  
"Uh, sure, I guess, but why me, Ranma-sama?"  
  
"Well, she trusts you enough, so I figure she's more likely to listen to you, at least."  
  
"You've really thought this through, haven't you?" Akane asked with a sarcastic tone.  
  
"Yeah, and with you helping me, I can't fail!" Ranma replied with cheerful banter, it was good that he left out the second part of his quest; he figured it wasn't nessesary information anyway.  
  
Akane felt absolutely radiant at Ranma's comment. "He... he needs me!" she thought to herself, feeling her heart skip beats.  
__________________________________  
  
Nabiki sat on the stool at the grill impatiently, while picking at the okonomiyaki that Ukyo prepared for her while she went to get ready. She wasn't really hungry because of her anxiousness, Ukyo was *finally* taking her out! The Tendou girl's chest felt immensely light as she fought the giddy feeling down; maybe she won't have to be alone anymore, having to gain her attention as an afterthought from her sister or their mutual fiancee.  
  
"Okay, I'm ready," Ukyo called out, her voice a couple of octaves lower, "Let's go before I come to my senses."  
  
Nabiki stopped, and gaped at the girl, or 'boy'. Ukyo's attire was certainly masculine, and did well to hide her curves, and the ones that should not be hidden..."  
  
"Um, Ukyo? What happened to..." Nabiki gestured to her own chest.  
  
"Bindings," Ukyo commented casually. Nabiki had to wince at that.  
  
"But... why? Why are you dressed like a guy anyhow?"  
  
Ukyo gave her a baleful look, "Well, I figure we'll draw less attention if you were out with a boy, don't you?  
  
Nabiki began to frown again, "I see... so you're embarrassed to be going out with a girl?"  
  
"Quite frankly, yeah," Ukyo replied with an honest tone.  
  
"Fine," Nabiki countered with a frigid voice, "Don't worry about having to be seen with me then. I'll go tell your father that his daughter is single again."  
  
"NA-CHAN!" Ukyo rushed to cut the other girl off, "Look, I didn't mean it that way, it's just that, well, this isn't the most socially acceptable thing we're doing here."  
  
"But what does society have to do with our love?" Nabiki countered, "If you can't accept us, then there doesn't need to be an *us*." The short haired girl moved around the other, and towards the door.  
  
"WAIT A SEC!!!" Ukyo cried out, grabbing Nabiki from behind. Both paused, with Nabiki looking down, and Ukyo getting on her tip-toes and looking over Nabiki's shoulder to see where her hands were.  
  
Nabiki grew a saucy smile, "Ukyo, how foward of you!"  
  
"ACK!!!!" the chef quickly let go, and fell on her backside.  
  
"Well, I guess I can give you a chance," Nabiki stated with a shrug, "Let's go see this movie you picked out for us."  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo kept glancing over her shoulder, causing Nabiki a great deal of agitation.  
  
"You know? If you're going to be acting like this..." Nabiki almost growled, when Ukyo shushed her.  
  
"I think we're being followed."  
  
The chef's companion narrowed her eyes, "So now I'm making you paranoid?"  
  
"No, Na-chan, it's nothing to do with you, sugar," Ukyo replied in a distracted voice. Nabiki raised an eyebrow, as she didn't detect any of the usual hesitation that she got from the chef when she intimately addressed her. It was mild endearment, but nonetheless, it provided the girl with hope.  
  
Soon enough, they found themselves at the theator. As they made their way in, another couple bought tickets to the same film, and descreetly followed the previous two in.  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo internally sighed; Nabiki could really be an expensive date, though she realized that the girl was actually probably bing more conservative with Ukyo than she is usually with dates. In fact, the usage of money came more from the overinflation of theater snacks than abundance of what was bought.  
  
Nabiki watched the movie with seemingly rapt attention, while Ukyo stole glances at her. The young chef couldn't understand it; Nabiki was definatly attractive, if her opinion mattered, so why was she so focused on having a relationship with herself?  
  
Nabiki had noticed Ukyo's furtive glances towards her, and internally smirked at the attention. The scene on the movie screen had a man dropping an open briefcase onto the ground, causing millions of American Dollars to tumble out of it. Nabiki jumped in fright, and glomped onto a surprised Ukyo.  
  
"Wha? This isn't a horror movie, Nabi... Na-chan."  
  
"Tha-tha-that's counterfeit!" Nabiki squeaked out in apparent terror.  
  
"Oh for Kami's..." Ukyo thought to herself, outwardly, she just patted Nabiki on the head and said a few consoling words that calmed her companion down. After the other girl relaxed, Ukyo sighed out loud, and went back to attempting to concentrate on the movie. She didn't notice Nabiki's hand blindly grab for the soda that was sitting in the holder that was between them.  
  
"Ah!" Ukyo cried out, as the soda spilled into her lap.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Nabiki apologised.  
  
"Don't worry about it, just lemme go clean this off..."  
  
"It's my fault, let me," Nabiki insisted. The Tendou girl got out of her seat with a napkin in hand, kneeled in front of Ukyo, and bent her head down to drink.  
  
"HEY!" Ukyo shouted, earning shushes from the surrounding theater goers around her, "Nabiki, what do you think you're doing?"  
  
Nabiki looked up with a cheerful expression, "Waste not, want not." Then the girl went back to work, "Hmm, soaked your pants, I'm afraid they'll just have to come off..."  
  
Ukyo shot straight up, holding her pants up tightly, "I'll just go clean up in the bathroom, if that's okay. You stay *here*!" Nabiki sulked, as Ukyo made her way down the isle. No one complained about Ukyo's second outburst, as most that were capable were shocked at the display and brashness of the couple, or passed out from nosebleeds.  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo made it to the Men's bathroom, and stared at the lap of her pants in disgust, fortunatly, the sock she had stuffed in front absorbed most of the soda. The young chef removed the sock, and used some paper towels to wipe herself off, just as a body flopped to hang upside down in front of her!  
  
"HOLY!!!!" Ukyo shouted, backing up and nearly tripping over herself, "What the? Ranma, what the HELL are you doing?"  
  
Ranma continued to hang upside down from the ceiling from the hole where he removed the ceiling panel, and blushed sheepishly (though it could have just been from the blood rushing to his head, "Well, Ukyo, I just, well... I wanted to tell you that you're a... um... cutelookinggirl..." Ranma rushed the last part.  
  
Ukyo began to fume, "Haven't we been through this before?" To punctuate her point, she raised her fist, and cocked it back in preparation for re-introducing it to Ranma's face.  
  
"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Ranma waved his hands in appeasement, "I just wanted, you know, to see how beautiful you would be in this!" Ranma pulled out the bright orange bikini.  
  
Both Ranma and Ukyo turned to the sound of one of the bathroom stalls opening up, with a middle-aged man staring wide-eyed at the two he percieved to be young men. One of them hanging upside down and handing a very skimpy bikini to the other who had a large wet stain in the front of his pants.  
  
"What's his problem?" Ranma mused, as he watched the man quickly dash out of the restroom, "Anyway? Would ya put it on for me? Pretty please?"  
  
Ukyo looked unamused...  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo sat back down next to a sullen Nabiki, "What took you so long?"  
  
"Ah, just had to put some muscle power into removing this stain."  
__________________________________  
  
Ranma remained suspended and upside down, the bathroom mirror he was plastered against spiderwebbed from his impacted body.  
  
"Ouch."  
__________________________________  
  
Nabiki sat across from Ukyo at a posh restuarant, staring contently at her date. So far, the day had been a happy one for her, being out with Ukyo and having no one interfere with it. Ukyo herself was looking around warily for any signs of a pigtail; actually hoping he would turn up so that he my become a pleasant distraction as a human stress relief toy.  
  
Their waiter approached them with a smile, "Good day, Sir, Ma'am. May I say you make a lovely couple?"  
  
"No you may not/yes you may" came the dual cry, which caused the waiter to take a step back.  
  
He cleared his throat before starting again, "Ma'am, I'm happy to inform you that we have a complimentary lobster for you. If you would please step this way, I'll take you to the tank so that you may select one that you find most appealing."  
  
As Nabiki was led off, Ukyo let out a sigh of relief. She expected to pay through the nose at the restaurant that her date had chosen, fortunatly she had been bailed out. Unfortunatly, the moment Nabiki was out of sight, Akane quickly took her seat.  
  
"Okay, what is it you want?" Ukyo asked with a fustrated and tired sigh.  
  
"Why do you hate Ranma-sama so?" The raven-haired girl enquired.  
  
"Hate him? Well I don't *hate* him, per say, but he does owe me a lot."  
  
Akane seemed to ponder that for a second, before replying, "He really does like you, a lot." Akane made a show of looking Ukyo up and down, "and I can see why."  
  
"I'm glad you approve."  
  
"You know? He really is sorry for abandoning you, and if he could go back, he would make sure it never happened."  
  
"I'm sure he would," the other girl replied with a half-lidded gaze, "Spit it out, what did he set you up to do for him?"  
  
"Can you just put these on for him, please?" Akane asked, fluttering her eyes as she held up the neon orange scraps of cloth.  
  
"No, I will not." Ukyo stated with a firm but neutral voice.  
  
"Well, would you wear them for me?" Akane asked, the idea of seeing Ukyo in it did appeal to her, after all.  
  
"No, not even for... geddown," Ukyo commanded, spotting Nabiki make her way back. Akane caught sight of her, and quickly ducked under the table.  
  
"So, did you miss me?" Nabiki asked, batting her eyes as her younger sister had done not so many seconds ago.  
  
"I was... entertained while you were gone," Ukyo replied with a steady voice.  
  
"Ah, well I..." Nabiki paused as her leg kicked something. She could also swear she heard a small yip of pain, "What was that?"  
  
"Er...You kinda kicked me too hard there."  
  
"That's for sure," mumbled a voice from under the table.  
  
"Huh?" Nabiki asked.  
  
"Uh, that's for sure," Ukyo repeated, as if she was the one that said it the first time.  
  
"I could have sworn it came from under the table..." Nabiki started to lift the tablecloth to look under. Ukyo thought quickly, and grimaced at what came to mind.  
  
Nabiki stopped cold, and looked up curiously at Ukyo. The Tendou girl's face changed from surprise to an approving grin, "Footsie?"  
  
"Just enjoy it, would ya?" Ukyo replied through gritted teeth. Nabiki smiled, and kicked off her shoes to return the favor, much to Ukyo's 'deilight'.  
__________________________________  
  
Nabiki leaned against Ukyo's shoulder, as the two strode through the park. Ukyo had to admit, despite the 'distractions', it wasn't a bad outing at all. Maybe she'll ask Nabiki to do this again with her, for a strictly ploutonic day out, of course.  
  
"HEY, LOOK! A HUNDRED YEN COIN!!!"  
  
"WHERE? WHERE?" Nabiki shouted, running out to where the voice had been calling from.  
  
As soon as Nabiki was out of the way, Ranma and Akane both appeared in front of Ukyo, in pleading positions.  
  
"Never thought that Martial arts Ventriliquism would come in handy," Ranma thought to himself, before addressing Ukyo, "Please, just be a pal and put this on! It's a matter of life and death!"  
  
"What is with you two?" Ukyo almost shouted in exasperation.  
  
"Well," Akane started, "Ranma-sama has to get you to wear this bikini and then have sex with you, or his mother will make him commit Seppuku."  
  
"IS YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OUT OF THEIR MINDS?" Ukyo now shouted with a beet red face.  
  
"Comon, Ucchan, be a pal!" Ranma pleaded, holding up the skimpy orange garment.  
  
"This... is the last time I'll say this, I will *not* wear that damn thing! Now, if you continue to bother me and Nabiki on our date, your mother will be the *last* thing you'll have to worry about!" Ukyo growled, hoping she got her point across this time.  
  
"Damn, false alarm," Nabiki grumbled from behind the chef. Ukyo blinked, and nervously turned towards the apporaching girl, and then turned back to find Ranma and Akane gone.  
  
"Well, how about we head back to my place and wrap this date up?" Ukyo enquired. Nabiki's eyes flashed a bit of dissapointment at her date's almost eager tone, but knew that it was time to finish things anyhow.  
  
"I guess. We've done enough for a day."  
  
Once the couple were gone, Ranma and Akane popped out of the bushes.  
  
"I spent a lot on bribing that waiter and paying for the lobster," Ranma sulked.  
  
"Well, I guess this was a lost cause, Ranma-sama."  
  
"No," the pigtailed boy stated firmly, "I can't give up, I will not give up!"  
  
"Uh, have you considered what you're going to have to do once you get her *in* the bikini?" Akane asked.  
  
"...." Ranma exclaimed with extreme verbose and vigor.  
__________________________________  
  
Nabiki and Ukyo stood in front of Ucchans, looking at each other.  
  
"Oh great," the young chef thought to herself, "Now she's expecting a good-bye kiss. Well, I guess I can do that. It's not like I haven't done it before, just a quick peck on the cheek, that's the ticket." Ukyo leaned foward to kiss Nabiki, but found herself stopped, "Huh? What's wrong? You don't want it?" For some strange reason, Ukyo felt dejected.  
  
"Why didn't you agree to wearing the bikini?" Nabiki asked with a mild curious tone.  
  
"Huh? Wha? How?"  
  
"Oh please, like Ranma or my sister could tail me without me knowing," Nabiki said with an amused tone, "Well?"  
  
"That thing wouldn't have managed to cover *anything*!" Ukyo replied adimantly.  
  
Nabiki pondered the next question, "Do you still hold any feelings for Ranma?" Ukyo had to admit, that was a surprise question. She may treat the boy with anymosity, but after the perverted hairpin incident, she wasn't so adverse towards him as she outwardly appeared.  
  
"Well, I *do* find him somewhat attractive, but I don't want anything to do with him. I mean, I would rather be intimate with you than him."  
  
"I'm not quite sure how to take that," Nabiki stated dryly, before turning to the fence behind her, "Okay, both of you can come out now." Akane and Ranma both came from around the fence, with chagrinned expressions. Wordlessly, Nabiki took the bikini from Ranma, and shoved it into Ukyo's chest.  
  
"Just put this on, so they'll leave us alone!"  
  
"Forget it, Nabiki," Ukyo stated firmly.  
  
"Look," Nabiki started, her voice laced with a barely withheld anger, "You found me and my intrest in you a convenient way of messing with your Dad's head..." Nabiki took a breath before she continued, and bowed her head so the chef couldn't see her eyes, "Do you realize how much that *hurt*?"  
  
Ukyo tried to look under Nabiki's bangs as they hid her eyes, and saw the shimmering tear that fell from her face, "Na... Na-chan, I didn't, I mean I didn't realize..." Ukyo now felt guilty of how she treated the other girl. After all she accused Ranma of, she now found herself to be a complete hypocrate.  
  
"If you won't put it on for them, then do it for me," Nabiki asked with a shaky voice.  
  
Ukyo sighed in resignation, "All, alright. But *just* for you, Na-chan."  
  
"Um, that's only part of the..." Akane started, Nabiki cut her sister off before she could continue.  
  
"We'll just tell whoever that Ranma and Ukyo did the nasty, and they'll never be the wiser.  
  
"But..." Ranma attempted to speak up, but Nabiki's sharp glare stated that him sleeping with Ucchan would *not* be an option.  
  
All three of the followed Ukyo up to the door of her room; Akane and Ranma pleading with the other two girls to just listen to them for a second. Both Ukyo and Nabiki continued to ignore them, while Nabiki had a maddened grin on her face that she didn't allow anyone to see; if this was as close as she could get to seeing Ukyo in the nude, then she'll take what she could get.  
  
Once they reached the door, Ukyo looked down at the orange cloth in slight disgust, "Well, I guess it's good I shaved it all this morning..." With that, she stepped into her room.  
  
Akane, Ranma, and Nabiki looked at each other. Nabiki slowly reached up to her nose, and found a trickle of blood dripping down, before she exitedly darted into Ukyo's room, and slammed the door.  
  
"Honestly, after all we've done to her, you would think she would be accustomed to things like that," Akane stated with a huff.  
  
"Shaved what?" Ranma asked, puzzled, and then bent down to help Akane pry her face from the floor. He dropped the girl flat on her face again, when he realized something, and pulled out the pocket disposable camera, "HEY! WE STILL NEED PIC..."  
  
The door to Ukyo's room opened slightly, allowing Nabiki's hand to flash out and take the item in Ranma's hand, before closing again.  
  
"Tures..." The pigtailed boy finished lamely, listening to the voices from behind the door.  
  
"Dammit, I can't get this thing fascened in the back, Nabiki? NABIKI! PUT DOWN THAT CAMERA!!!!"  
  
"Huh? ::CLICK:: Oh, hold on and I'll help you there."  
  
::CLICK::  
  
"Oh, OH! GET YOUR HAND OUTTA THERE!"  
  
"You're not enjoying it?"  
  
Ranma sighed, and turned from the door, "Comon, Akane, let's leave them to each other."  
__________________________________  
  
"You.... JACKASS!!!!" Ukyo said for the umpteenth time. Ranma and Akane were both bowin before the chef on the front porch.  
  
"We're sorry! How were we supposed to know?" Akane whined, "He told us you were an Androvestiphiliac, and that Ranma needed to help you before it was too late!"  
  
"Man, and you were saying that Ranma's family was screwed up?" Nabiki stated with a smirk.  
  
"An androvesti..." Ukyo started, and then sighed, "Well, Dad got those pics he's always wanted. I swear, why did I have to look so much like Mom?"  
  
"Good genetics, I guess," Nabiki quipped.  
  
Ukyo rolled her eyes, "You're encouragable, Na-chan."  
  
"And you love me for every bit of it." Ukyo gave Nabiki a withering glance, before pulling herself up off the porch, "Well, I gotta get back and prepare for opening tomorrow. I already missed a day of profits." The young chef stated in departure, "Though it was worth it," she added silently to herself.  
__________________________________  
  
Ukyo got home, and walked upstairs, considering the problems she was going to have with Nabiki in the future. Things were gonna get complicated from this day on, that's for sure. Despite the pleasantness of the day, Ukyo needed to relax. She got to her bedroom, and gave a deep sigh as she approached her mirror. She gave a shudder of intense pleasure, at the sight of herself in masculine clothing.  
  
"Androvestiphilia, so that's the term for it!" Ukyo grinned, and went to change out of her wet underwear. 


	36. The Threat of Wigglychan

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
"Okay," Ukyo started, while staring up at the ceiling, "this wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be."  
  
Nabiki turned her head towards the other girl, and smirked, "so you wouldn't mind doing this again?""  
  
"Well," Ukyo blushed, and looked down at the covers that were over her and Nabiki, "I have to admit, I did enjoy last night, and I wouldn't mind having you over... once or twice... in the future."  
  
Nabiki's face grew into a full blown smile, "Thank you."  
  
"It's nice to do something like this. Every since Ranma had left me behind, I have to admit I've always felt pretty lonely." Ukyo gave Nabiki her most tender smile, "I like knowing that if anything, tonight would prove I at least have you as a friend."  
  
"You don't know how much that means to me," Nabiki returned, but found herself unable to wipe the tears from her eyes, as her hands were among other matters.  
  
Ukyo raised an eyebrow, and then squirmed. She turned over, causing Nabiki to frown slightly, "Nabiki, about the other day when I took you on that date..."  
  
Nabiki felt a warm glow inside, last week, Ukyo wouldn't even admit to it being a date, "What about it?"  
  
"Well, when you insisted I wear that bathing suit, did you... really think I looked pretty?"  
  
"Ukyo," Nabiki said softly, "you looked beautiful." Ukyo flopped over again, when Nabiki's hands begain their motions again.  
  
"It's kind of funny to have another girl like you attracted to me like that. It's actually pretty flattering." The young chef sighed wistfully, "Ranma doesn't find me attractive, I don't think."  
  
"Male or female Ranma?"  
  
"Male Ranma," Ukyo answered.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"I mean, the way he always calls me an uncute tomboy..."  
  
"Well, that's usually after you've pounded in with Spatula-sama," Nabiki quipped light heartedly.  
  
"Am I really that bad?" Ukyo asked curiously.  
  
"Well..." Nabiki mused, "I just say you justifiably have a lot to hold against him. Don't take the jerk's word to personally."  
  
Ukyo smiled once more, and then grimaced, as Nabiki's hands began to work again, "Would you quit that? You're going to get rope burns."  
  
"Well, it won't be any more than the ones I got last night," Nabiki replied with a lilt in her voice.  
  
Ukyo blushed again, "I... guess I got carried away last night, huh?"  
  
"A little," Nabiki replied dryly, while once again working her magic hands.  
  
Ukyo grunted, and then sighed, "I need to go to the bathroom." With that, she tossed the covers off of her to reveal an almost overly conservative pajamma set she was enclothed in, and Nabiki in a cotton nightie and hogtied with her hands and ankles bound together.  
  
"Aren't you going to untie me?" Nabiki asked, with the same pleading lilt as before, "I promise I'll be good!"  
  
"Not until I'm dressed," Ukyo called back calmly.  
  
"But I have to use the bathroom too!" Nabiki once again began to try to work her hands out of their bindings so she could get free.  
  
"You'll have to wait your turn."  
  
Nabiki grumbled to herself, "And she invited me over for this sleepover."  
_________________________________  
  
Dr. Tofu looked into his cup of tea with a pathetic expression, "So you see? I just can't keep up with her anymore."  
  
"Wow," Akane breathed, "That's some story!"  
  
Ranma-chan had to admit that she was equally impressed, "That sure is something, you ain't a slouch in the sack yourself, Doc."  
  
The doctor blushed, "Well, I wish that I wouldn't have to prove that so hard to Kasumi-chan."  
  
The redhead patted the doctor on his back, "Cheer up, maybe you're just coming down with something. Before you know it, your stamina will be up again in no time!"  
  
"But, I know I'm not getting... lazy," Dr. Tofu replied, "It just takes her longer to get off now."  
  
Nabiki walked in and announced her arrival.  
  
"Did your sleepover at Ukyo's go well?" Akane asked politely.  
  
"Well, it was a fun night."  
  
"So, how did she taste?" Ranma asked casually, earning a glare from the middle Tendou sister."  
  
"That's none of your damn business, Saotome," the newly arrived girl growled, and stalked upstairs.  
  
"Hmm, she didn't call me a 'dried up baggy sheep cunt' this time, you think she's a bit upset about something?"  
  
"Just your imagination, Ranma-sama," Akane replied casually.  
  
"Hello everyone, oh! Dr. Tofu! When did you get in?" Kasumi asked, coming in from the back yard.  
  
"ACK!" Tofu screeched, having forgotten the woman of his love lived in the house, "I'MSORRYTHATYOUJUSTMISSEDMEBUTIMUSTBEGOINGBYEBYE!!!" The good doctor rushed from the house, not bearing to be in the same room with Kasumi and having to endure the expression of dissapointment that he just new was there on her face.  
  
"Oh my, Dr. Tofu is acting rather peculiar," Kasumi mused, causing the other two youths to look at each other.  
  
"Uh, 'Docter Tofu'?" Akane asked, curiously.  
  
"Whatever happened to 'Tofu-chan'?" Ranma added.  
  
"Oh? It must have slipped," Kasumi replied with a sanguine tone, "Did you know Tofu... that Tofu..."  
  
"Well?" Ranma urged, he enjoyed Kasumi's 'Tofu-Facts'.  
  
Instead, Kasumi sighed, and lost a bit of her happy aura, while slumping to kneel at the table, "Nevermind, it's not important." Both Ranma and Akane knew her relationship problems with the doctor were the cause of her attitude.  
  
"Kasumi, what were you doing outside?" Akane asked, changing the subject.  
  
Her older sister perked up at the question, "I was watering Wiggly-chan!"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma asked, "what's 'Wiggly-chan?"  
_________________________________  
  
Ranma, Akane, and Kasumi looked at a small tree that was almost akin to a willow tree, the way the branches hung down. The vast differences was that it contained very little in the way of leaves, and sparse flowers upon it. Also its many branches had a good deal of thickness.  
  
"When did this get here?" Ranma-chan asked curiously, as she looked upon the tree that was a couple heads taller than her; she hadn't noticed it before, and it didn't look like it was native to the area.  
  
"It's been growing there for a while now," Nabiki shouted out of the guest window, "Of course a dense idiot like you wouldn't have noticed it."  
  
"Hey! I notice plenty!" Ranma challenged, "like the fact that Ukyo didn't give you any last night, huh?"  
  
"Eat me, you nasty, baggy, Bitch-dyke cum-whore!" Nabiki retorted, before slamming her window.  
  
"See, I told you that you were just imagining things," Akane replied soothingly.  
_________________________________  
  
Nodoka walked down the street, just down a ways from the Tendous. She now drummed up the nerve to face her son-turned-daughter to set things straight. The matronly woman was going to put her foot down today and tell the girl that...  
  
"Nothing happened between us that night, and you'll stay silent about this from now on understood?" Nodoka beemed to herself, yes she would say it just like that.  
  
With renewed resolve, she pushed open the door to the Tendou household, and went around back to see if anyone was outside first. Upon discovering no one around, she approached the back door. Before she got on the patio, a shadow loomed over her...  
_________________________________  
  
Ranma-chan walked out the back door, and found her mother laying unconcious on the ground, "MOM!"  
  
Not too many minutes later, found the matronly woman stirring on Ranma-chan's futon in the guest room, "Oh dear, I had the weirdest dream..."  
  
"What about?" Ranma-chan asked, staring at her mother in concern.  
  
"It was truly disturbing, I was..."  
  
"Oh, auntie, you're awake!" Kasumi stated plesantly, "Are you feeling alright? Ranma-chan found you unconcious in the back yard."  
  
"Oh, I'm quite alright, I guess I just had a dizzy spell," the older woman placeted.  
  
"Mom, you seemed exhausted, what you been doing without me?"  
  
Nodoka stared at her child, trying to figure out what she meant, before a blush formed on her face, "I... that is... I wasn't... I didn't... I didn't... I mean we, it's just not proper and... we... I mean..." Nodoka broke down crying.  
  
"Honestly, Ranma-sama, must you tease her like this everytime?" Akane asked with a slightly exasperated tone. The pigtailed girl just turned to her, and shrugged in reply.  
_________________________________  
  
"Oh Ranma," Ryoga thought with sadness, "it's been too long since I've seen your rougish smirk. Even the dense smog of Los Angeles will not keep me from you too much longer..." As Ryoga pushed foward, he waved the fog from in front of him. And the deeper he got, the clearer he heard the chanting going coming from the direction he was heading; perhaps he could ask for directions.  
  
"I call upon Belzibub, Chilutu, Lucifer, Gordita, Steve Case! Accept my meager token of unwavering praise towards your greatness!!"  
  
"Uh, excuse me, I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Ryoga asked, as he looked upon the man standing in front of a stone table while holding a serratted blade above a bound, gagged, and almost nude blonde woman, while sour and sweet smelling inscense waived thickly around them.  
  
"Huh? Oh, it's quite alright young man," the somewhat distinguished gentleman in bloodstained robes enquired politely, "We can resume after assisting you."  
  
"Ah, if it isn't too much trouble, I was hoping you could tell me how to get to Japan?"  
  
"Japan...?" The other man enquired, "I believe we are in Japan. Nerima, in fact. Does that assist you an any way?"  
  
"Ah, so *that's* why you were speaking Japanese!" Ryoga exclaimed, "And you say I'm in Nerima?"  
  
"Quite so."  
  
"Oh, if you could show me the way out then?" Ryoga enquired.  
  
"Sure!" The man lead Ryoga by a desk towards the door, where they passed an unusually... something... painting hanging on the wall."  
  
"That's a rather... something... painting," Ryoga stated with a raised eyebrow."  
  
"Isn't it though? Dr. Ervin Kuaque, Esquire, replied cheerfully, "You can see an elephant if you look hard enough!" The psychiatist let the young man out, and smiled to himself, before returning to the stone alter.  
  
"What a nice and polite young man," he mused, as he picked the knife back up, the woman nodded in agreement, "Well, let's get started, shall we? Daylight's burning, you know?"  
  
The woman nodded again, this time in affirmation, and went back to screaming through her gag.  
_________________________________  
  
"I tell ya, Soun ol' pal, ol' pal, izz bout time we put our foot down," Genma slurred, walking along his old training partner back ot the dojo.  
  
"Yes, you're quite right, quite right," Soun replied with a heavy waver in his voice, "Your son has yet to chooze one of my daughters for his fiancee, and we cannot put this matter off any further!"  
  
"By tonight, my boy Ranma will have chosen hizz bride, and they'll be married tomorrow, tomorrow."  
  
With renewed resolves fueled by large amounts of sake and beer, both masters of the Anything Goes School of Martial arts pushed open the gates to the dojo, and stormed in to confront either a redhead or a pigtailed boy...  
_________________________________  
  
"That sounds like Pop and Mr. Tendou screaming," Ranma stated in alarm, and then rushed to the back door with Akane following behind, only to be bowled down by two frantically running masters of the art. Both men were shivering terribly, and their eyes held the look of experiencing true horror no man should ever know  
_________________________________  
  
"You're telling me you were scared spitless by a 'tree'?" Ranma-chan enquired with a disgusted tone.  
  
"Boy... girl," a surprisingly sober Genma started to command, "It's your duty to take care of it, on your honor as a martial artist!"  
  
"How about you do it on 'your' honor?" the redhead replied with a withering gaze.  
  
"You are the heir to the Saotome School and the Tendou School," Soun stated, "It is your duty to destroy that evil tree!"  
  
"Ooooh, imagine a couple of grown men afraid of a sapling," Ranma rolled her eyes, "If you weren't so pathetic, I'd..." She was interrupted by Ryoga's scream."  
  
The Lost boy stumbled in, with wide eyes, and turned to look back to the yard, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!?!?"  
  
"Ryoga, don't tell me the tree freaked you out too?" Ranma-chan asked, beginning to wonder just what was with that tree.  
  
"Freaked... is definatly a way of putting it," Ryoga groused, as he checked himself over. Ranma decided to walk out to the yard, and see what this 'horrendous' tree was doing.  
  
As she suspected, it only wiggled and swayed in the wind.  
  
"Bu-but... but..." Soun babbled.  
  
"Look, if three grown men are gonna act like babies, the least you can do is share my breasts," Ranma-chan quipped.  
  
All three steadfastly declined.  
_________________________________  
  
So, Ryoga, what brings you by?" Otoko-Ranma enquired, "Wanna go have a spar out in the Dojo?"  
  
Ryoga's eyes became glossy, as he grasped onto one of Ranma's hands with both of his, "Really? After so long, you want to spar with me?"  
  
"Uhhh... yeah," Ranma replied, while discreetly pulling his hand from Ryoga's, "I mean, you're the only descent challenge around here, other than Pop, I mean. I kinda consider you my rival, in fact."  
  
"Ranma considers me his friendly rival!" Ryoga stated softly to himself, while floating on Cloud 9. He was brought back to earth by the sound of a feminine scream from the back yard.  
  
"That was Nabiki!!" This time, Ranma couldn't dispute that something was going on with the tree, and leapt out the window of the guest room with Ryoga and Akane following. The sight that greeted the trio KOed Ranma into red running nose city.  
  
"My, isn't Wiggly-chan so considerate?" Kasumi stated cheerfully.  
  
Akane turned to her sister, while dowsing the unconcious young man with cold water, "Kasumi, you don't seem too surprised."  
  
"Oh my, me and Wiggly-chan play with each other all the time!" Kasumi paused to muse for a moment, before continuing, "Although, he has been wanting to play for much longer than before."  
  
"Uh, how much longer?" Akane asked. Kasumi smiled in reply, and then yawned.  
  
"Oh my, I need to start getting to bed earlier."  
  
"Wait a minute," Ranma interjected, as she sat up, "so that's what you were doing all those nights!" The redhead recalled those times when she had gone down to get a late night snack or drink after strenuous exercises, and found a smiling Kasumi walk in from the back yard. At the time she thought it was just some sort of fetish.  
  
"How often do you play with Wiggly-Chan, sis?" Akane was starting to follow Ranma's line of thought.  
  
"Oh, every night before I go to bed." Kasumi stated factually.  
  
"But... wouldn't there be, you know, screaming or something?" Ryoga enquired, and then glanced towards Nabiki, "She's been up there a while."  
  
"Oh my, it's not polite to talk with your mouth full," Kasumi answered. The other three turned towards the tree, and saw what she meant, as Nabiki was no longer screaming either.  
  
"And it's been... um, holding you longer?" Kasumi nodded in reply.  
  
"So.. your endurance must be through the roof!" Ranma-chan exclaimed, and then turned to a rather interesting wet sound, "Hold in there, Nabiki! You can take it!"  
  
"That looks uncomfortable," mused Ryoga with a detached tone.  
  
"I see! Everytime Kasumi's been with Wiggly-chan, it's built up her endurance!" Akane surmised.  
  
Ranma and Akane both paused at their realization.  
  
"But that means..." Akane started, her eyes growing wide.  
  
"Poor Dr. Tofu!" Ranma finished, with concern. No man should have to face such a task. That was women's work.  
  
Wiggly-chan set Nabiki down, adjusted her cloths so they were maticulate, and patted her on the back to send her on her way. After a few steps, Nabiki collapsed from exhaustion.  
  
"Ranma-sama! If Dr. Tofu can't keep up with Kasumi, what does that mean for their relationship?!?" Akane asked in a worried tone.  
  
"You're right! Kasumi would never be happy with a man again!" Ranma-chan's face grew a grim determination, "For the sake of Kasumi's happy future, Wiggly-chan must fall!" Ranma struck a dashing pose, that radiated awe to all those surrounding her. Even Ryoga had to be impressed with the Red-headed she-demon.  
  
"After I get my turn," Ranma added, rushing to the tree. 


	37. The Flailing Menace

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
"Honored Elder," Ranma-chan said with a deep bow, "I humbly request your knowlege on a subject that has been plaguing us."  
  
Cologne's mind screamed 'Deep deep shit' as she watched the redhead prostate herself before her, "My, aren't we laying it on thick..."  
  
Ranma stood up and sweated a bit, "Well, heh... I'm kinda stumped on how to tackle a problem here."  
  
"Well, there's no need to kowtow so brazenly, I'll assist with whatever the issue is while I'm here." Ranma perked up at that.  
  
"Thanks! You see, there's this weird tree in the back. It grew in kinda fast, and we were wondering if you have any idea what it is."  
  
Cologne officially updated the warning to 'Drowning in a septic tank', but allowed her curiousness to get a hold of her, "Oh? Show me this tree, then."  
  
Ranma lead the matriarch into the back yard, and pointed to the unusually shapped tree that resembled a weeping willow that stood about twelve feet in height, "There it is, it's only been around for maybe a week or so, but it grows like you won't believe."  
  
"Hmm, nothing out of the ordinary, it's just a mishappen Willow tree from it's appearance." Cologne went to take a closer look at the plant, managing to miss the conversation between Nabiki and Ranma.  
  
"This is wrong, Saotome. This goes beyond anything in the past you have ever concieved. This is going to be your marking point for which you will be cast into the Hells pits of depravity."  
  
"Uh-huh, but you're just as curious!" Ranma-chan replied with a smile. Nabiki just growled, and turned back to the elder woman, just as she started to scream. "Oh, oh yeah, I'm getting this!" the pigtailed girl commentated, while viewing the scene with one eye.  
  
"Hmm, she's putting up quite a battle, how long do you think it'll take to wear her out?" Nabiki asked idly, allowing the gambling part of her to surface.  
  
"Comoncomoncomon... damn, she got loose," Ranma exclaimed with a pout.  
  
Cologne crawled away from the tree, with barely any descency intact, and then slowly pulled her self up off the ground with use of her cane, "Daughter-in... Ranma, I swear, by all that's sacred that if you don't give me that tape..." The old woman launched her staff towards the redhead, and suddenly all the girl saw was static in one eye."  
  
"Do you realize how much that digital camera cost me?" Nabiki grumbled, though with the battle aura Cologne was putting out, she didn't want to make too big an issue of it. The old crone unceremoniously re-adjusted her nearly mangled robe, and took the destroyed camera away from Ranma.  
  
With a vicious glare, the Amazon Matriarch rounded on the girl, "You.... I'm too angry to deal with you now..." With that, she stormed out of the Tendou property.  
  
"Heh, good thing she didn't destroy the camera Kasumi had, you can come out Kasumi!" The young woman in question came out from around the side of the dojo, "Oh my, that was certainly exciting! But I think Wiggly-chan feels dejected." The tree almost seemed to nod in despair.  
  
"Well, if Cologne-chan ain't gonna be a team player, we'll just have to cut her from the game. Hey, Akane-chan, up for videos tonight? I noticed you kinda had your back turned during the whole thing."  
  
"Er... no thanks, Ranma-sama," Akane replied meekly, still not bothering to turn around, "I... have to be in the mood for that sort of thing." The raven-haired girl shuffled off soon after that  
  
"Heh, well, your call, I guess."   
  
"You're still gonna owe me for the Camera, Saotome."  
  
"Ah, don't fret," the redhead placated, "We can easily make back ten times the cost selling copies on eBay. I mean, Elderly women being accousted by animated trees; It'll be the biggest seller since dirty underwear and decommissioned Russian Submirines!"  
_______________________________  
  
"Ranma-sama, as appealing as it is to keep around, we have to get rid of Wiggly-chan, for Kasumi's sake!"  
  
"Oh, little sister, please don't go through the effort on my account," Kasumi replied sweetly.  
  
The redhead lowered her cup of tea, and turned towards her short-haired potential fiancee, "I know, but it seems a damn shame, you know? I just don't think..." The pigtailed girl was cut off by a duo of high pitched shrills from the back yard.  
  
"That sounded like..." Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Ranma all ran to the back yard.  
  
"Oh! It's nice to see you two again!" Kasumi greeted.  
  
"RANMA SAOTOME!!!!" Screamed Leather, producing a microphone, and pointing at Ranma in the standard threatening wrestling manner, "NEXT FRIDAY! NERIMA FAMILY CENTER! THIS TIME, IT'S NOT ONLY FOR THE TITLE OF FEMALE WORLD OIL WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE... IT'S FOR REVENNNNNNNGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!! PENANCE FOR TRAUMITIZING LACE, ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW!!!" After turning a baleful look to the puzzled redhead, Leather went to console her hysterically crying and traumitized partner, "There, there, Lace, they weren't *real* penises..."  
  
"They-th-they we-were ev-v-verywha-where! The-they t-tou-touched me the-there..."  
  
"Now, now, I'll kiss it better when we get back to our hotel while we both soak in our top-notch product." The muscular woman with the box haircut half-carried her distraught wrestling and domestic strawberry-blonde partner out of the Tendou's back gate.  
  
"Poor Lace," Akane said with sympathy, "I wonder what they were here for?"  
  
"I wonder what they were doing in the backyard?" Nabiki mused.  
  
"Plothole the author was to lazy to rationalize," Kasumi answered gently. Everyone retired back to the house to consider their options.  
_______________________________  
  
The rugged looking Canadian glared at the tree, there was never a tree too tough or too tall for him, yet he was called out to defeat this scrawny thing?  
  
"Hey, ya got yourself a runt here, eh?"  
  
Nabiki shook her head, "Don't take that tree too lightly! It's stuffed tougher than you."  
  
"Eh, I doubt that," The Canadian stated with a slight distain which was pleasently French.  
  
"You've never been between Ranma-sama's thighs," Akane mumbled  
  
"This ol' Canuk ain't seen a California Redwood that ain't been stumped by me. I'm bett'n one swing, que?" The lumberjack picked up his trusty ax, and approached the tree. All four girls flinched at the start of the screams.  
  
"Wiggly-chan, Wiggly-chan, use the axe-handle first!" Kasumi lightly scolded.  
  
"Uh... I think Wiggly-chan knows what it's doing," Nabiki said, turning slightly green.  
  
"Don't.... even think about it," Kasumi, Akane, and Nabiki stated, as soon as Ranma-chan finished contemplating, and opened her mouth. The pigtailed girl closed her mouth with an audible snap.  
  
"I think more drastic measures are required," stated Nabiki, "Ryoga, I'm going to need your assistance..."  
_______________________________  
  
"Orange Healthy Curiosity, SUIT UP!"  
  
"Crimson Courage, SUIT UP!"  
  
"Purple Unconscious Love, SUIT UP!"  
  
"Yellow Freedom of Choice, SUIT UP!"  
  
"Blue Desire, SUIT UP!"  
  
The Orange, provocatively dressed man spun and raised his hand to point to the sky, "BY THE RADIANT RAINBOW THAT ENLIGHTENS US TO OUR CHOICES, AND ILLUNINATES THE WAY TO THE RAINBOW KINGDOM," he pointed directly at Wiggly-chan in a commanding manner, "WE SHALL PUNISH YOU!!!!!" All five struck awe-inspiring poses, with Orange in the center.  
  
"Quite awe inspiring..." drolled Nabiki.  
  
"Purple can kick awfully high," Akane mused.  
  
"I believe that's part of #42 of the advanced Kama Sutra that Yellow is posing in," critiqued Ranma-chan.  
  
"I never get tired of this part!" Ryouga exclaimed with an almost giddy tone.  
  
"Er.. riiiiight," Nabiki replied, glancing sideways at the usually Lost Boy.  
  
"And how's Ukyo doing these days?" Ryoga asked casually, not turning to look in Nabiki's direction, lest she saw his smugly surperior look.  
  
"She's fine," Nabiki replied, tersely, and then turned towards the source of masculine screams of violation.  
_______________________________  
  
"Thank you, Kasumi." Replied the Yellow one, who seemed to not be affected at all by the ordeal he and his comrades went through.  
  
"Thanks Kasumi," Replied the Purple dressed man who was walking funny, but trying to act casual.  
  
"Um, thanks," replied the Blue man, who was trying to hide his grimace.  
  
"..." the orange one stated, taking the jar of ointment and nodding meekly to the young woman, before rushing off to find the previous man dressed in blue.  
  
The man dress in Crimson stomped up to Kasumi, and snatched the prooffered jar of anal ointment rather rudely. Kasumi understood his temper, and felt she should apologise, "I'm terribly sorry Wiggly-chan was so rough; it's just that he thought you would enjoy it."  
  
"AND WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!?" The man got in Kasumi's face and started yelling, forcing the rather serene girl to pull her head back in startlement.  
  
"Oh my."  
  
The Yellow Senshi came up, and firmly dragged his teammate off by a shoulder, while Purple came up behind them, "Sorry about that, he's been a bit on edge, every since his friend Yuko has been demanding more time with him that he's having problems committing to."  
  
"Oh, I guess I understand, me and dear Dr. Tofu are having issues ourselves."  
_______________________________  
  
"Well, I'm fresh out of ideas," exclaimed Ranma-chan cheerfully, before getting up from the table and beginning to head for the back yard. Nabiki reached out and grabbed the back of her shirt before she got anywhere.  
  
"Not so fast, we're gonna get rid of that damn thing, if you like it or not."  
  
"Face it, it's got us beat pretty badly," the redhead replied with false broken spirit. Nabiki raised an eyebrow, and tossed a kettle of hot water at the girl.  
  
"OW! HOT!"  
  
"Welcome back, you free-loading bastard," Nabiki greeted with a cheerful tone.  
  
"Ha... ha..." Otoko-Ranma replied, wiping his face off.  
  
"Nabiki, why did we need Ranma as a male?" Akane asked, curiously.  
  
"What? You prefer me more as a gi.... what happened to 'Ranma-sama'?" Akane merely waived the question off.  
  
"Because, it will allow us to use our most powerful weapon," Nabiki said with a nasty grin.  
  
"Huh? I don't understand!"  
  
"Honestly, Akane, it's so obvious, it was right under our nose."  
  
"It was?" Ranma asked, before the light dawned on him, "Oh yeah!"  
  
"I'm still in the dark," Akane stated with a confused expression.  
  
"That's what Ranma's here for!" The pigtailed boy puffed out his chest at Nabiki's appraisal, "He's bait."  
  
"Wha? NO! NO WAY!!!! UH-UH!!!! NEIN! NYET! NO`!"  
  
"Can I turn him back into a girl now?" Akane asked, scrunching up her cute little nose.  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"Really, Ranma, you won't even have to do anything." Nabiki looked around a bit, "Where'd you last see Ryoga?"  
  
Akane's eyes lit up in realization, "Of course! Ryoga would go through Hell for Ranma, and come out on top!"  
  
Nabiki smirked, "Exactly."  
  
"Um, now I'm the one that's lost, here," Ranma stated.  
  
"Well, Saotome, what do you mean to Ryoga?" Ranma's face scrunched up in thought, causing both Nabiki and Akane to face fault. Nabiki managed to peel her face off the table with a sour expression, "Don't blow a valve up there..."  
  
"Hey!" Ranma's face became one of almost horrid realization, "Ryoga is..."  
  
"Very good, Saotome. You will begin to use that miniscule mental capacity granted to you by Kami-sama, yet!"  
  
"MY RIVAL!" Ranma exclaimed.  
  
"You're paying for my plastic surgery," Nabiki stated crossly, pulling her face off the table for a second time.  
  
"Can't I just change him back to a girl?" Akane pleaded.  
  
"I have feelings too, you know?" Ranma almost growled.   
  
Akane blinked, and then cowed down, "Sorry, Ranma."  
  
"Anyway, with us being rivals, he'll do anything for me, just so that we would have our final match together!" Ranma beamed with the notion.  
  
"Er... something like that," Nabiki decided that the details weren't important, "Hopefully, he hasn't gotten lost too far... RYOGA!!! THE TREE HAS RANMA!!!!!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM! PREPARE TO DIE, WIGGLY-CHAN!!!!" Ryoga shouted, rushing out of the hall closet, and straight for the backyard.  
  
"He's pretty focused when given a goal," Nabiki mused.  
  
"Yeah, he was pretty pumped, I guess our rivalry really means something to him, huh?"  
  
"Uh, whatever," Nabiki commented, right before the screams began.  
  
"You know? Those screams are becoming rather tedious," Akane noted, covering her ears when the tones reached alto.  
  
"That's for the 'Ukyo' crack," Nabiki mumbled, and then took a drink from her lemonade.  
  
"Oh, Nabiki, that wasn't very nice," Kasumi admonished, bringing in another pitcher of refreshment.  
  
"Well, you're in luck, Saotome, Ryoga's definitely a screamer," Nabiki mused with a sardonic grin.  
  
"I always thought him more a grunter, myself" Ranma commented, "I mean, he can definitely take it rough when we get down and dirty."  
  
"Oh my, that is a painful sensation," stated Kasumi, pulling her face from the table, along with her sisters. Akane decided to splash Ranma before he said anything else that would give everyone a mild cuncussion.  
_______________________________  
  
"Well, I say we give up now," Ranma-chan offered, "I mean, there's nothing else we can do to the thing, except enjoy it."  
  
"I agree with Ranma-chan," Kasumi seconded, "you all tried your best."  
  
"Well, I guess the good doctor will just have to love you the way you are... if he can..." Nabimi replied, finally giving in to defeat.  
  
Akane put her chin in her hands, "I still wish there was something we can do for..."  
  
"AKANE TENDOU! I HAVE COME TO RESCUE YOU FROM THE DEPRAVITY OF RANMA SAOTOME AND HIS FOUL SUCCUBUS!!!!"  
  
"No, I doubt he could do anything," Ranma-chan commented before anyone else.  
  
"Well, how about we throw him out on a limb, anyway?" Nabiki offered; if the tree was good for anything, it was entertainment value. The middle Tendou sister turned towards the front door, "KUNO! SAOTOME AND THE PIGTAILED GIRL SUMMONED THE EVIL TREE THAT'S TERRORIZING AKANE IN THE BACK YARD!!!!"  
  
"LO? AKANE TENDOU IN DIRE STRAITS? I, TATEWAKE KUNO, SHALL NOT LET THIS STAND!" A blue streak shot through the house, and into the back yard.  
  
"Well, how about we go watch?" Nabiki lead the way into the back yard, when they realized something miraculous happened, something none of them had realized possible.  
  
Kuno held out for a good five seconds , before he started to scream.  
  
"Wow, I have a new respect for Kuno," Akane said with awe, "Wiggly-chan's really trying to work him over."  
  
"I think the delay was because Kuno had taken a while to realize he was being plugged."  
  
"Hmm, makes sense," Ranma-chan replied, as they all gathered around the bucket of popcorn, and enjoyed the show.  
_______________________________  
  
"Ranma-sama, are you sure this is wise?" Akane asked, once again. The redhead made sure her nipple clamps were in place, and got into stance as best she could with the spreader bard attached at her knees.  
  
"Akane, Kuno proved it may be possible, so all I have to do is just out-last Wiggly-chan, and it will be as good as defeated."  
  
Akane scrunched her face up in determination, "Well, if you're going, then *I'm* going, too!"  
  
"No, Akane, it's gonna be too dangerous! Where I'm going, it will be relentless," Ranma-chan replied, while eyeing the tree with a hardened focus born of a true fighter.  
  
"I don't care! I'm not gonna let you fight this battle alone!"  
  
The pigtailed girl almost staggered at the girl's proclimation, "You... you're really willing to go through this?"  
  
"Of course!" Akane stated with resolve, "Besides, two bodies of stamina against one, we have a better chance!"  
  
Ranma looked hard at the raven haired girl, and came to a decision, "Okay, we'll do this... together then." Akane smiled, and took the redheads hand, "You ready for this?"  
  
"With you, I'm always ready, Ranma-sama." Ranma nodded, and they both started towards the tree; Akane running, Ranma hobbling best she could. Once they both reached the tree, they braced themselves, and closed their eyes.  
  
And the kept bracing.  
  
Akane opened one of her eyes.  
  
Ranma followed suit.  
  
Finally, both of them were standing there, feeling oddly exasperated, as Wiggly-chan just swayed in the slight wind.  
  
"What's up with this stupid tree, now?" Ranma growled, "Aren't we pretty enough?"  
  
"Ranma-sama... what do you think these flower buds mean?" Akane asked, pointing to a small bud growing on one of the branches...  
_______________________________  
  
"So," Ranma-chan started, while facing Cologne, "you're telling me, that that hairpin was actually some kind of seed?"  
  
Cologne sipped the tea she was supplied, "Yes, it was one of our greatest treasures. Used for when a woman became too frigid with her husband, or when the husband lacked incentive."  
  
"Oh my, everyone on the block has bought their very own Wiggly-chan," Kasumi stated, while watering her own potted preverse tree.  
  
"I think I'll start a hair care product from the seeds," Nabiki planned, while counting the money she racked in from small tree sales, "They already come conveniently shaped as hair pins!"  
  
"How's Dr. Tofu taking this?" Akane asked, looking towards her oldest sister.  
  
"Oh, he's coming along well," Kasumi replied, and then giggled at her pun, "With a Wiggly-chan in the bedroom, he'll catch up to me in no time in stamina."  
  
"I hope you're not working him *too* hard, sis," Nabiki commented, while still not bothering to look up from her pile of money.  
  
"Oh?" Kasumi started to reply, "Why? Could it be a problem?"  
_______________________________  
  
The Tendous, the Saotomes, Cologne, Shampoo, and Kodachi all returned from the service, looking grim.  
  
"Geez, what a way to go," Otoko-Ranma replied, "He was so healthy, too."  
  
The Wiggly-chan that stood six feet tall in a wheelbarrow being hauled by Kasumi began to whimper and shake.  
  
"There, there," Kasumi placated, "It's not your fault, don't blame yourself."  
  
"Nerima's sure not gonna be the same without him," the pigtailed boy ventured. 


	38. That Animalistic Musky Scent

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
"Aiyah..." Shampoo breathed, holding the heart shaped pendant that was just given to her, "Shampoo like gift too, too much!"  
  
"I.. I'm happy that you do," Akane replied, shyly, "Shampoo..."  
  
"Wife want something?" the lavender haired girl returned, Akane opened her mouth, but found it dry as soon as she began staring into the violet depths of the girl's before her.  
  
"It's... well," Akane stammered, finally managing to get her thoughts organized, "I know I wasn't part of the deal originally, and that you probably only just tolerate me because of Ranma..."  
  
Shampoo blinked, and then smiled once she realized what her co-spouse was saying, "Akane think Shampoo only like Akane for Ranma?" Akane turned away, and meekly nodded. Since she wasn't paying attention, she was taken by total surprise, when Shampoo cupped her cheek and held her by the waist, "Akane too, too silly. Shampoo happy to see airen; Ranma or Akane!"  
  
Akane baulked, as Shampoo pursed her lips, and began to move her head closer, "SHAMPOO! We're out in public!!!"  
  
The Amazon paused, and looked at her mate with a wry expression, "Is problem? Ranma say is good, yes?"  
  
"Hmph, Ranma-sama would do anything in public," Akane groused.  
  
"So, what is problem?"  
  
"I... well..." Akane stopped, and leaned up against the fence they were walking next to, "I love Ranma-Sama, and you," Akane started, fiddling with the second heart shaped pendant in her pocket, "but I'm still kind of uncomfortable with some things, like public affection."  
  
"Airen put it mildly," Shampoo interjected.  
  
"Yeah, you said it. And the way she, the way her attention..."  
  
"Ah, Akane sad Ranma find other mates?"  
  
Akane sighed, "I know I'm being selfish, but I would rather it just be me, Ranma, and you."  
  
Shampoo herself sighed, and leaned up against the fence with her wife, "Shampoo understand, but know Ranma too, too much for just us."  
  
"You don't really believe that, do you?" Akane asked, "I mean, we've never had a chance to prove it. I think we would be perfectly happy together."  
  
"Shampoo know, but... Shampoo know."  
  
Akane decided to switch subjects, as so that the mood would not be spoiled for later activities, "Uh, Shampoo, how come you're not working right now? It's still the lunch hour, and I know your Great-Grandmother would need a hand."  
  
"Aiyah, Great-Grandmother tell Shampoo that Cat Cafe closed today, and under no circumstances Shampoo come back today," Shampoo paused in thought, "She also say, by revered ancestor's grace, no let Ranma out of Shampoo sight, and keep airen far, far away with any mean possible!"  
  
"Uh, have you even seen Ranma today?" Akane asked, curiously.  
  
Shampoo stared at Akane obliviously, and then pounded her fist into her other hand in realization, "Shampoo knew forget something..."  
______________________  
  
The redhead in question walked along the fence, back towards the Tendou household, before she caught a sense of something... not completely human, "Huh?"  
  
Behind her, also standing on the fence, sat a young man who stared at her curiously. He wore the pelt of a wolf, with the ears on the top of his head, and wore a bondolier with several knives holstered, "Are you a woman?"  
  
"Depends on the humidity," Ranma-chan replied, humorously, "Something I can do for you, cutie?"  
  
The young boy seemed to consider the question, "I've never spoken with a woman before..."  
  
"Really now?" Fresh meat!  
  
"Well, I would, um, like to have your company, that is if you're willing, for a date?" The young man asked nervously, while closing the gab between him and the young woman, holding a mallet over his head that was strictly for persuasion purposes.  
  
The pigtailed girl looked up at the mallet with a wry expression, "I'll tell you what, I'm not due anywhere in particular, and I can see you lack experience with women and all. So how about we skip the tea, and get straight to your education?"  
  
"Uh, what do you mean?" the wolfboy asked, curiously. Ranma-chan smiled, and licked her lips in sensual hunger.  
______________________  
  
"I thought it was destroyed ages ago," Cologne replied, looking curiously at the cloaked figure across from her at the table, "I guess there were a few survivors after all."  
  
The figure was quiet for a few moments, deciding how to take the comment. It was decided that it was just a statement, and not one of mockery, "We... prefer to keep a humbled existance of our people. It draws little attention to us, as there are only but a handful of my tribe left."  
  
"I see, we all do what we can to not draw the attention of the central goverment," Cologne replied, offering her guest more tea. Her guest nodded; the elder was purposely lead to believe that they were much too small of quantity to pose a threat to the tribe of the Couragous Women. Though they posed little danger to the Musk tribe, it was best to err on the side of caution.  
  
"JACKASS!!! PUT ME DOWN!!!" Ukyo shouted, while pounding the butt of her battle spatula into the back of her abducter's head.  
  
"I shall now drink tea with a woman!" Exclaimed the large young man with the chef slung over his shoulder. He ignored the blows as if they were not there.  
  
"Lime, it is time we departed, I have what we came for," the cloaked figure stated, standing up, "Where's Mint?"  
  
"I am here, my esteemed leige," stated a rather smug looking young man, wearing a wolf pelt, and walking arm and arm with a grinning redhead girl, "I apologise for drawing your concern."  
  
"..." the cloak figure said, accepting the apology.  
  
Cologne bowed hear head and started rubbing her forehead. Of course this was going to happen, there should not have been a shadow of a doubt that Ranma-chan would be around, regardless of the command she gave Shampoo. It was karma for some utterly grievous wrong she had committed. It was the garlic incident in Spain, it had to be...  
  
"Why is Mint speaking funny?" Lime enquired.  
  
"Why, whatever is it that you mean, my dear compatriot?" Mint asked, honestly, "You note a deviance in my tone of voice? I do not believe that I am coming down with an ailment of sorts. Though I must say, the Japanese climate does take a deal of accustomization, I fear." The young man turned to the young pigtailed girl next to him, "Not that I find anything much unsatisfactory about this visit. In fact, I would say you have made it well worth the travel, many times over."  
  
"Aren't you sweet?" Ranma-chan stated in a sugary-giddy tone.  
  
"Whore," Ukyo commented with obvious distaste.  
  
"Your voice is... deeper, I imagine," the cloaked figure stated cautiously, "Are you sure you're well?"  
  
"Absolutely, I thank you for your concern, my leige."  
  
"Nonetheless, we depart now."  
  
"What's your hurry?" Ranma-chan enquired, eyeing up the cloaked figure. She had decided she liked the bishonen towards the feminine side, yet authoritative voice that the figure had, "I've only met your friend here, how about he help introduce me to you two?"  
  
"Are you implying something?" the figure enquired, looking at the short redhead from the shadow cast by her hood.  
  
"Nothing, *he* isn't implying anything!" Cologne stated, lowering her cup of tea, she decided that revealing the young man's curse was better than 'her' starting an incident with one of the most dangerous people in the world.  
  
"You..." the figure growled at the incredulously staring pigtailed boy, "You would dare solicit me? A *BOY*?"  
  
"Oh dear, I do seem to be having a sexual identity crisis," Mint stated,trying to figure his feelings on this revelation.  
  
"Perhaps this will help you with your orientation crisis," stated a blond and handsome bystander, while handing the young boy a blue book, "Oh, and lunch was delicious, I'll have to patronize this establishment more often."  
  
Cologne absently waved to the departing customer, while Mint started to flip through the book, curiously, and Ranma and the figure stared each other down.  
  
"Now listen here! I ain't solicit'n no one! Especially some weirdo with funky shoulder pads who's afraid to show their face!"  
  
Perhaps onna-Ranma would have been easier to manage in damage control, Cologne mused to herself, "Ranma, please, do not be angering this one..."  
  
"Why, you impudent..." Ranma almost baulked, as the eyes under the cloak started to glow slightly pink, but held firm his ground.  
  
"Great Grandmother! I no find Ranma today so... Akane go see movie with Shampoo? My treat!" Shampoo immidiately turned herself and Akane around at the site of Ranma, glaring openly hostile to who Shampoo presumed to be the guest that her Great Grandmother had warned her about.  
  
"Shampoo..." The girl in question froze at the elder's call, "Don't go anywhere, you *will* answer for this..."  
  
"Yes, Great Grandmother," Shampoo sulked, while Akane rubbed the girl's back in sympathy.  
  
"Hmph, I do not have time to deal with a girlboy," the cloak figure stated, turning away from Ranma.  
  
"HEY!" Ranma shouted, furiously, and reached out and grabbed the cloaked one by the shoulder, "NOW LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT..."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME!!!!" the figure swung out with lighting speed, forcing Ranma to duck back from the blow. Before the pigtailed martial artist could even get into stance, he was forced to guard against attacks that rivaled his chestnut fist speed training.  
  
"You *WILL* know what it is to anger the prince of the MUSK!" the figure reeled back for a heavy blow that would cave in Ranma's guard, but found the pigtailed boy no longer there...  
  
He didn't get a chance to be surprised at Ranma's speed, as they were both forced to evade a descending umbrella.  
  
"How DARE you attack Ranma like that!" Ryoga growled, bringing his weapon to bear.  
  
"Ryoga, butt out, this ain't your fight!" Ranma shouted, irritated. The fanged boy didn't notice Ranma's annoyance.  
  
"Oh Ranma, how couragious you are to do battle with this monster," Ryoga thought blissfully to himself, and said out loud, "Don't worry, Ranma, he's beneith your notice! Let me handle him!"  
  
"Hey, where did the old bat go?" Ukyo enquired, while looking around from Lime's shoulder.  
  
"Dunno," Akane answered, "but I never knew she could run so fast."  
  
"Are all people in Japan so cavalier about their upcoming demises?" Herb growled.  
  
"Heh, I don't think I'm in any danger from a girly boy like you. Heh, 'prince of the Musk' indeed," Ryoga grinned ferally, "With a voice like yours, it should be 'princess of the Musk'!"  
  
Nerve, meet livewire.  
  
Herb didn't even say anything, as he kicked Ryoga into the air with an ax kick, and then leapt over him...  
  
"RYUU SEI HISHOU!!!!"  
  
Ryoga's eyes went wide, and his body jerked, as if he were being bounced around by invisible forces, while Herb *flew* by him. The bandanna clad boy landed hard on the floor, cradling his ribs.  
  
"Ryoga!" Ranma ran over to his other young man, and checked him, "Speak to me, man, you okay?"  
  
"Ra...nma..." Ryoga wheezed, touched by the concern of the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Lime, ladle," Herb commanded, approaching Ranma, who stared defiantly at the still cloaked figure. Truthfully, Ranma was now extremely wearing of his advisary, with the sheer display of power he just committed.  
  
"Be thankful I do not take you and your... friend's life," Herb threw water from the ladle at Ranma and Ryoga. Water was thrown in different directions, as Cologne's staff came spinning in front of spray from the ladle.  
  
"If that's what I think it is, thank ancestors I returned in time." Cologne stated in great relief, "Prince Herb, you have what you came for, we don't want to waste any more of your precious time."  
  
"Well, I will take my leave only by your respect, elder of the coouragious tribe of women." With that, Herb motioned Lime and Mint to follow.  
  
Mint stopped looking through the book he was recently given, and tossed it over his shoulder before departing, "Feh, psychological babble."  
  
"Thank goodness they're gone," Cologne said with expressive relief, "Son-in-law, that was a dangerous game you were playing."  
  
"Feh, I coulda taken prissy-boy," Ranma replied, non-chilantly.  
  
"Would it have been worth it, to be permentantly locked in your curse form?"  
  
"Huh? What are you talking about?"  
  
"That ladle he had, it was the Chiisuiton I believe. It represents a great danger to all who are cursed. Cold water flung from it onto one of Jusenkyo's cursed would permenantly lock them in their form. Be fortunate I returned from my, um... errands in time to prevent that fate."  
  
"You mean... that jerk was gonna make me be *her* for good?" Ranma paled, paled a bit more, and was still going strong to the point Cologne thought he was going to become translucent. "You can calm down now, son-in-law, the danger has passed."  
  
"Don't think about it too hard, Ranchan," Ukyo said cheerfully, "If it came to that, I'd ensure you wouldn't have to suffer that fate for long."  
  
"You'd look for a cure for me?" Ranma asked, incredulously, before an expression of gratitude graced his face, "Thanks Ucchan, I thought you kinda... didn't like me or something..."  
  
Ukyo blushed at Ranma thanks. "Well, s-something like that," she replied nervously, while fiddling with one of her *sharper* throwing spatulas.  
  
"As for you, Great Granddaughter," Cologne turned to her heir with a sour and stern expression, "I gave you one simple task, and you could not even follow that, what am I to do with you?"  
  
"Um, Great Grand-mother..." Akane spoke up sheepishly, "It was, well, kind of my fault she got side-tracked."  
  
Cologne pogoed on her staff over to the Tendou daughter, licked her finger, and used it to buff of some of Shampoo's lipstick from Akane's collar, neck, and corner of her mouth, "I can see, I assume you at least were considerate enough to find a secluded spot to show your appreciation for Shampoo."  
  
Akane blushed even deeper than she was before, "Well, we ducked into an alley."  
  
"Great Grandmother, why prince of Musk have Chiisuiton?" Shampoo asked, attempting to drive the embarrassed attention from her spouse.  
  
"It is a treasure of the Musk that they use for... mating purposes."  
  
"Huh? Why would they..." Ukyo suddenly turned a slight green, and ran for the bathroom.  
  
"You mean, they change guys to girls, and then..." Akane began to enquire, finding the idea with some appeal.  
  
"Not quite," Cologne replied, "Though, as during their youth, since they are seperated from any female contact until a relatively mature age, I wouldn't put it past them. The Musk is a tribe of men that saught to master the animal arts, and went so far in their extremes as to use Jusenkyo to their ends."  
  
"I'm not following," replied Ranma, taking the information surprisingly calm.  
  
"I think she's implying that they would dump animals into the spring of drowned girl, and then use the ladle to lock them in human form," Akane answered.  
  
"Aiyah, is right. Shampoo think young boy remind Shampoo too, too much of wolf."  
  
"You're right, and the big guy seemed a lot like a tiger," Akane supplied, "So they're an all-male bi-sexual race into bestiality? OW! It was just a question!" Akane rubbed the top of her head where Cologne's staff 'tapped' her.  
  
Cologne was about to admonish Akane for her rather crass and simplistic surmission , and then stopped, and groaned; the girl was right, in a way, given the information Cologne supplied them, "Actually, they do have women in the tribe, they just don't meet them until a later age. They indeed dip animals into the Spring of Drowned Woman, then lock them in human form, then bewed them. I would not consider it too much as bestiality, although. You are correct in your descriptions of the ones called Lime and Mint, as their lineage indeed was developed from that of a tiger and wolf respectively. The prince of the Musk, Herb, is of much more powerful petigree, as the royal family of the Musk traces their line from that of a dragon."  
  
"A... dragon?" Ranma almost whispered; the guy did have an insane amount of power, but a dragon...  
  
"Is that harder to believe than a perverted tree that is on the highest potential sales list for this upcoming Christmas? Or a young man cursed to turn into an amorous, over-sexed nymphomaniac?" Cologne challenged. Ranma had to 'ceed to that.  
  
Cologne turned a contemplative glance towards the exit of the restaurant, "Though, I do find it curious as to why they now are in search of the antidote to the Chiisuiton, the Kaisuifuu, after so many centuries of it trading hands... unless...  
  
Cologne nearly fell off her staff, "Ryoga, if you ever see *him* again, do not, I repeat, do NOT call him a 'Girly-boy'!!!"  
  
"Why not? The name kinda fits," Ranma stated with a smugly casual tone, "HEY! OW!"  
  
"Shut up, you of all people should not be going around calling kettles black! And Ryoga, get up off my floor, this is a restaurant, not a hostle."  
  
Ryoga did not hear any of the chiding, instead considering something mentioned previously. Something about the ladle filled with *cold* water locking a curse victim in their cursed form. "Oh Ranma," Ryoga thought to himself, "If I can get that ladle for you, I'd be able to cure you of the demon that threatens your manhood for good. Then, you would appreciate my feelings for you." Ryoga started to grin, as his mind slipped into fantasies, and didn't pay attention to the anxious gesture he had recently developed.  
  
"OH! GROSS!!!!" Ukyo shouted, spying Ryoga on the ground. Ranma somehow subconciously decided to ignore his rival on the floor.  
  
"REVERED ANCESTORS, GET HIM OUT OF THE DINING ROOM BEFORE A HEALTH INSPECTOR DROPS BY!" Cologne shouted in urgency.  
  
Hidden in the shadows, another party had heard the conversation, and was considering the same notion of the ladle as Ryoga had. 


	39. Pink and Soft on the Outside

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
  
As they walked home, Akane looked over at Ranma. His expression was excrutable, as he brooded over what had just happened back at the Cat Cafe.  
  
"Yen for your thoughts, Ranma-sama?"  
  
"As a girl for good..." Ranma mumbled, more to himself than to the other girl walking next to him.  
  
"Ah, Ranma-sama?"  
  
"I was almost... almost stuck as that freak for good," Ranma stated more clearly, his face darkening with the full realization.  
  
"Is... is that what's bothering you?" Akane asked, not really meaning to, but making it sound a bit more jovial than Ranma's mood would have permitted.  
  
"Bothering me? BOTHERING ME? IT'S MAKING ME A NERVOUS WRECK!!!"  
  
"R-Ranma?"  
  
"It's bad enough I'm a sex changing freak, but I turn into a sex craving freak at THAT!" Ranma all but exploded, "With a spash of water, not only do I trade in my manhood, but I give up my morals, my honor... Akane, I give up being ME! And if Cologne hadn't saved me, I would be as good as DEAD, and not from a fight or anything, but because of this damn freakish curse my DAMN Pop gave me!"  
  
"I..." Akane stumbled back at Ranma's vehemance; she had never seen him this irate or livid before, and as much as she would hate admitting it about his guy side, it worried her severely.  
  
"Akane... I... I'm in my own personal Hell that I can't do anything about. I go looking for a cure, once I get wet, I'll be making a beeline straight for you... er, back here. It's not like I can AVOID getting wet, since I got this curse, being soaked seems more natural to me than dry clothing ever has! And yeah, I act like the oblivious idiot when you guys are discussing sex things, but remember I share the same body with the freak of nature who TAUGHT you guys how to be true perverts!"  
  
Akane mentally pushed the minor slip Ranma made from her mind temporarily, and asked Ranma meekly, "So... you just think we're all now just a lot of perverts?"  
  
"YES... NO! I mean, it's not your fault, it's mine. I can't lie, it's not like it's a split personality, or at least I don't think so. It's more like, you know, a shift in perspective, or something. Kind of like deciding you don't have a taste for something, and then you do!"  
  
"That doesn't sound too bad..." Akane stated cautiously, but then realized that it was probably the wrong thing to say.  
  
The expression on Ranma's face told her as much, "Yeah, I didn't think you'ld understand. I mean she broke you pretty fast enough to start thinking like her."  
  
"What? What do you mean, 'broke me'?" Akane sputtered indignantly.  
  
"Akane, you know she doesn't love you, I mean really love you, right? She likes you just fine, but her ideas of love are just warped from mine. She likes you because you'll cater to her at any given time. You're nothing more than her pet, for crying out loud!"  
  
Akane's bottom lip started trembling, as she absently felt into her pocket, which carried a second locket for the boy/girl in front of her, "How... how could you?" Before her eyes completely teared up, she dropped her head, turned, and ran the rest of the way home.  
  
Ranma's own head was bowed in guilt, "Great, just perfect."  
  
"Saotome..."  
  
"Go away Mousse, I'm not in the mood," Ranma replied morosely, not looking at the male Amazon.  
  
"I would think that what I am about to say would intrest you greatly," Mousse stated, "How would you like to get rid of your orange haired bane..."  
  
"Red haired," Ranma corrected with a low tone.  
  
"Really? I could swear her hair's orange..."  
  
"Forget it, Mousse, whatever it is I'm not inter-"  
  
"That ladle can cure your curse..."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Ranma shouted, finally turning to look at Mousse.  
  
"WHERE ON EARTH ARE MY PANTS?!?" Ryoga shouted out, causing both Mousse and Ranma to turn in surprise, and immidiately regret it, even with Mousses myopic senses.  
  
"OH GEEZ, RYOGA! YOU'RE OUT IN PUBLIC!!!"  
  
"Hibiki, save some of your dignity and put these on, please," Mousse reached into his robes, and pulled a pair of pants.  
  
"Ah, um, thanks, whoever you are," Ryoga replied, "Anyway, Ranma, I wanted to talk to you about that ladle thing..."  
  
"I presume you came to the same conclusion that using hot water in it would lock away the Jusenkyo curse?" Mousse enquired.  
  
"Uh, yeah," Ryoga replied, cautiously, "Ranma, we can cure our curses!" Ryoga fought away the goofy grin trying to fight its way onto his face, and thought to himself, "Oh Ranma, then we can finally be full men for each other."  
  
"Heh, fools, I couldn't possibly hope to take Herb and his two cohorts on by myself, perhaps with the both of you running interferance, I may spirit away the ladel, and thus rid myself of this disgusting curse so that my dear Shampoo will no longer be intimidated by me," Mousse thought to himself, lowing his face in order to hide the sinister smile he had there.  
  
"To... to be rid of the red-headed menace for good?" Ranma mused to himself, "This... this is just too good to pass up, if there's any hope..."  
  
"So, Ranma, would you be interested in a temporary truce?"  
  
"You bet! When do we start out?"  
________________________________________  
  
The inn keeper stared at the pigtailed boy that was currently imbedding his fingertips into his ceiling, while one of his friends managed to pull an umbrella out of nowhere, while the other ran through his wall, "And, the reason for this is..."  
  
"Ah, we sort of have this allergic reaction to... cold liquids," Mousse stated lamely, putting away his umbrella, but staring at the spilt bucket of water on the ground with undisguised nervousness."  
  
"Well, I suppose... then you guys will have to mainly work in the bathhouses, if you're that concerned about it," he told the three temporary employees, and then mumbled under his breath, "freaks..."  
  
Mousse pulled out a dozen hyper absorbing tampons (the things he had to keep en masse supply while working in a porn studio...), and tossed them onto the puddle of water that had spilt from the bucket the innkeeper had accidentally dropped, "That... was close," the Chinese boy stated, while looking up at the general area the trembling Ranma Saotome . Ranma knew the consequences of changing. He was currently in an inn, a rather full inn, at that. And though he tried not to be too judging, he saw quite a few attractive guests around, not that it mattered. Quite frankly, it mattered about as much as a bullet in a target factory, as long as there was a bullseye to hit...  
  
"Is... is it safe to come in?" Ryoga asked tentatively from his hiding spot in the adjacent room, which was in between the sheets of a naked couple's bed. The earlier incident had forced the two other boys to be a bit... weary of Ranma, regardless of what form. They didn't even know what was in their midst until it was too late; both Mousse and Ryoga would weep over what few remaining embers of their innocence were snuffed away with unspeakable, God-cowering acts of carnal brutality.  
  
"Yeah, Ranma's still a guy," Mousse stated, considering how to coax Ranma down from the ceiling, before remembering that he had given his cattle prod a full charge just before leaving.  
  
Ryoga gave a sigh of relief, and ignored the jolt and the surprised and indignant yelp the man in the bed with him gave as the bandanna clad boy got out, "Oh, that's good."  
  
Ranma fell to the floor with his muscles locked up and twitching. Once he gained some control, he sat up with an indignant response, "Well, if someone had watched where they were going, they wouldn't have run into that overflowing storm barrel, and thus drench all three of us. Oh, and, uh, sorry about that... Mousse..."  
  
Mousse absently covered his genetalia as Ranma apologised for the umpteenth time, "Uh, don't mention it. The bleeding's stopped, and I only feel the friction burns in my cursed form (you will pay *dearly for this, Saotome)."  
  
"It's just when a woman is touched here, and here, that they become aroused and sexually stimulated. But always remember that a lady, though their modesty is quite feigned I assure you, require a certain, tact, if you will. Now, my dear collegue, we shall drill you on the proper phrases which yeild the most positive results."  
  
"Grrr?"  
  
"Oh, do please try to keep up, Lime. I am not speaking for my benefit, after all."  
  
Mousse, Ranma, and Ryoga looked at each other, and then crept towards the voices. Their trail came to one of the inn rooms...  
________________________________________  
  
"Airen?" Shampoo finally managed to pry open Akane's window, and found the short-haired girl cowered in the corner of her room as presumed she had been for the past day, "Akane okay, yes?"  
  
"Shampoo, what do you think Ranma-sama... Ranma thinks we are to her?" Akane asked in a quiet voice that had Shampoo literally trembling from the emotion in it.  
  
"Ah, we Ranma airen, that what she think! Why Akane ask?"  
  
"Then, you don't think she sees us as perverted toys? Like we're s-some sort of pets f-for her?"  
  
"Who say this to Akane?" Shampoo asked vehemently, nobody was allowed to say such things to one of her beloveds and remain with their sexuality intact.  
  
"R-Ranma, h-he... he..."  
  
Akane ducked her head back into her folded arms over her knees, and missed the darkened expression on Shampoo's face. Forcibly pushing her anger to the back of her concience, the Amazon quickly crossed the room, and kneeled before the distraught girl, "Boy-Ranma stupid saying Akane play toy. Not smart like Girl-Ranma, he no know write saying, yes?"  
  
Akane looked up slightly, "I... I guess. But he... he sounded so right at the time..."  
  
"Akane is being stupid too, if listen to Vir... virg... large oboe?"  
  
Akane actually cracked a smile; even if she was sure what Shampoo said wasn't intentional, "Thanks Shampoo, I needed that."  
  
"Shampoo know what else Akane need..." with a sly smile, Shampoo dropped onto her stomach, and attempted to pry Akane's legs apart.  
  
Akane rolled her eyes, "Uh, Shampoo, is it okay if you just... you know, cuddle for the time being? I'm actually kind of drained from my emotional instability from the past day or so..."  
  
Shampoo brought her head up to look at Akane with and expression akin to desperation and fear (not that an Amazon would ever experience those emotions, mind you, so what Shampoo was experiencing was only akin to), "Akane sure?"  
  
"Yeah, just not now, Shampoo. Just... hold me please?"  
  
Shampoo sat up, and gently wrapped her arms around Akane, "No heavy petting?"  
  
"Just... cuddling, please?"  
  
Shampoo leaned her head against Akane's, "light fondling?"  
  
"Shampoo..."  
  
"Is okay," Shampoo stated with a slight sigh.  
  
"Just... cuddling!" Akane almost growled. Shampoo's mouth closed with an audible snap, before groaning for her hyper-yet-starved libido.  
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"You said a naughty word!" Lime growled out, as Mint simply shook his head in grievance.  
  
"Please, understand. When in the act of coitus, it is nessessary that you utilize these words for maximum beneficial enjoyment of said sexual activities, understand?" Lime nodded, "Good, now repeat after me, 'You like it when I stick my hot throbbing mutton gun in your sopping box, you dirty cum slut'?" Lime cautiously repeated the line, gaining a nod of approval from Mint, "Good, Good, now say it with feeeeling."  
  
Mint raised his hand to forestall Lime, and went to answer the knocking at the door, "Uh... I recall you two from the ordeal at that quiant eatery. But your compatriot... please be at haste for stating your business, I'm afraid my Leige is currently bathing herself, and would be quite distressed to find the three of you here..."  
  
Ranma and Mousse both slowly cracked open their eyes, to make sure the two current residents of the inn room were deacent, while Mint stared at the one he recalled being named Ryoga, and wondering about the faint expression of dissappointment across his face. "Huh? 'She'?" Ranma enquired, but presumed it was a slip.  
  
"We are... sorry to bother you at this time, but we were wondering... that ladle you had..." Mousse started, being the one most perpared to negotiate the situation.  
  
"The Chiisuiton? What of it?"  
  
"We... found it a rather unusual artifact, perhaps you could show it to us?"  
  
"Oh dear, I'm not sure that would be wise..."  
  
Ranma snapped away from the rather detailed graph of the female anatomy that Lime seemed to be fixated with, and spoke up, "Comon, be a pal! We just wanna see it!"  
  
"If it will get rid of you, then I suppose... Lime... Lime... LIME!"  
  
"Fa....ther..." Lime mumbled, slowly dragging his hand across the chest of the picture.  
  
"LIME!!!" Mint shouted, finally jolting his partner from his trance."  
  
"Growl?"  
  
"The ladle..."  
  
"Oh..." Lime rent over to the other side of the bed, picked up a bucket with a water ladle balanced on the top of it, and then walked it over to Mint.  
  
"Now, you see, it by appearance is but an ordinary water ladle that is rather common in traditional camping gear kitchen utilities."  
  
"My eyesight is not that good,would you mind if I examined it closer?"  
  
Mint noted the glasses, and was chagrinned, "Oh, pardon me, but of course..." With that, he handed the bucket and ladel to Mousse, who promptly bolted.  
  
"HOLD THEM OFF WHILE I GET TO... I MEAN WHILE I GET THIS TO SAFETY!" Mousse called out, while running. He was exeedingly surprised to find the young man clad in wolf skin right next to him, with his leg extended in Mousse's path.  
  
"Really, that was sincerely uncalled for," Mint stated distastefully, as the myopic young man was sent skidding on his face across the wood floor.  
  
"Yes, I believe it was. Would you be so kind to return my property before I boil the blood from your body?"  
  
"Uh..." Ryoga started.  
  
"Oh," Ranma finished.  
  
Mint grew a sickly grin, "Uh... my Leige, I see you have finished with your bath."  
  
"That I have," Prince Herb stated regally, before looking from the fear-frozen Amazon back to Mint, "We... will discuss as to how he managed to wretch the ladle from you later."  
  
"I... apologise, Herb-sama."  
  
"As for you..." Herb never got to state anything following, as Ranma was immidiately all over the prince, attempting to batter Herb into submission.  
  
"YOU AGAIN?!?" Herb growled, as the prince was forced to frantically parry, guard, and dodge Ranma's oncoming river of attacks.  
  
"Yeah, me," Ranma stated confidently, "We didn't get our chance last time, and a girl like you has enough skill..." Ranma actually paused in surprise, when one of his blows, a feint, actually, managed to get through, and send Herb careening into a wall; causing it to crumble over the prince. Ranma quickly covered in startlement, and grinned cockily, "Heh, so you ain't so... tough?"  
  
"WHAT. DID. YOU. CALL. ME?" Herb punctuated every word with a violent pulse of the pink aura that enveloped the prince, as the prince floated in the air about a foot off the ground out of the rubble.  
  
"You know? You look pretty cute with a pink battle aura," Ranma taunted, doing a great job of covering the fact that the sight before him was nearly scaring him shitless.  
  
Herb's pink glowing eyes went wide at Ranma's audacity, and the prince's aura blazed so bright and fierce, that it nearly blinded everyone in the room, and managed to burn away the cloak the 'prince' wore to protect 'his' current identity.  
  
"Mint! Herb has FATHERS!" Lime shouted, while pointing at Herb's currently well endowed and femenine chest.  
  
"I guess your secret has been let out, my leige, forgive us," Mint apologised, knowing who was next on the hitlist as soon as Herb reduced Ranma to his base elemental components, and then fused those down into hydrogen.  
  
"HEY! I thought you said you were a PRINCE!" Ranma shouted incredulously, while waivering in his defensive stance.  
  
"I am, just allow me to show you how much of a prince I am... BY FLASH FRYING YOU WHILE YOU STAND AND MAKING YOUR DEATH A QUICK ONE!!!!" Herb blazed towards Ranma before the pigtailed boy could even react.  
  
"Ha, you even hit like a girl!" Ranma taunted, counting only four walls he had been knocked through; Shampoo could at least knock him through six.  
  
"My intent wasn't to batter you, but to scatter your ashes... apparently you have some rudamentary ki abilities that managed to save your worthless hide."  
  
"Yeah... well you'll have to try better than that, cutie!" Ranma shot back. Herb's left eye twitched, and Ranma barely even noticed Herb make a move, as a earthball sized ki projectile screamed across the distance between the two fighters, and sent Ranma through another wall.  
  
"You wish to die so greatly, I shall be most accomidating," Herb said in a low acidic tone, and blinked to find the room she had knocked Ranma into filled with steam.  
  
"Man, with a body like that, you can accomidate me all you want, cutie!"  
  
"DIE!" Herb turned and fired an even larger sphere of ki right to where Ranma's voice came from, as Ranma intended. The energy ball splashed into the hot spring that was located within the inn, superheating the water to even greater amounts of steam, allowing Ranma cover to escape.  
  
"NO! YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY!!!" Herb shouted, randomly blasting spots in the room in a vain attempt to peg the long gone pigtailed martial artist.  
________________________________________  
  
Ranma arrived at the rendevous point, and unwrapped the large wet towel he wrapped around himself to hide his scent from the one he knew was at least part wolf. "I lost em."  
  
"Ranma, you're just in time!" Ryoga exclaimed, ignoring Mousse's grumbling that the directionally challenged fighter *actually* managed to find himself where he was supposed to be at the one time Mousse was actually counting on him not to.  
  
"Great! So you got the cure ready?" Ranma asked exitedly, while in his head repeated the mantra, "Never gonna be a girl again, never gonna be a girl again..." At that point, the kettle started to whistle that was on the fire place, and with short following, Ryoga picked up the hot liquid, poured it into the ladel, and threw its contents at Ranma.  
  
None of them would have realized that the originally scalding hot water immidiately turned to cold when it came in contact with the Chiisuiton, until it was too late. 


	40. Dragon Soupy

"Really! It's just razorbumps!"  
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Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
Chapter 40  
'Dragon soupy'  
  
  
The few remaining patrons of the restaurant stared in concern at the proprieter viciously hyperventalating while barely propping herself up on her staff. Cologne cursed Ranma between gasps, as she pulled out a paper bag to begin breathing in; even when not knowing where the Hell he or she was, or what they were up to, she *knew* that something signifigant happened, signifigant in the oceans of blood and dead walk the earth sort of way.  
  
"I swear, by any Gods or deities that exist, you'll have my full worship if you just allow us to survive whatever Hell that damnable redhead is about to visit upon us..." Cologne silently swore in the midst of her anxiety attack.  
______________________  
  
Mousse and Ryoga stood petrified at the sight that trembled them more than even the 'Dragon Prince' had in full fury; Ranma-chan glowing brilliantly red, ferally hunched over, and very... very angry.  
  
"That... you.... you..." Onna-Ranma's eyes surprisingly held both anger and betrayal, "TRAITOR!!!"  
  
"Wha?" Ryoga shouted back, "I'm doing this for your own good! Right Mousse... Mousse?" Both Ranma and Ryoga turned to find Mousse running from the red haired demon, holding his crotch and stumbling in his blind panic while occationally throwing glances behind him to make sure she hadn't caught up with him.  
  
"Coward," both Ranma and Ryoga stated with dry tone.  
  
"How is trapping me for my own good?" Ranma-chan asked with a hurt and cracking voice that *almost* got to Ryoga.  
  
"Trap *you*? HA! You're NOT Ranma! You're some perverted demon that has taken him over!" Ryoga went into fighting stance, while checking the position of certain items, "And as long as Ryoga Hibiki breaths, I will free him from your clutches!"  
  
"Ryoga, I can do so much for you, we don't have to fight..." Ranma-chan's tone was tired and slightly pleading, "You don't understand how free I am, with my curse! I just can't go back to being *him* all the time!"  
  
"That's not your choice to make, demon," with that, Ryoga launched to the attack. Ranma was forced to dodge away, still a bit off-balance emotionally. The bandanna-clad boy used this to his advantage, and lead Ranma to where he wanted her to go, fighting as fiercely as he could dare to keep the advantage.  
  
"Ryoga, I can do things for you that you could never imagine! Just stop this!"  
  
"QUIT WHINING LIKE A COWARD AND TAKE YOUR CURE LIKE A MAN!" Ryoga shouted, as they passed by the campfire. Ryoga twisted into an outside crescent kick that would have caught Ranma-chan in the jaw by the toe. Since it was coming up from a down angle, Ranma was forced to guard against the kick, just as Ryoga wanted.  
  
The pigtailed young woman's forearm met with hot kettle with explosive results, splashing her totally.  
  
"AH! HOT!"  
  
Ryoga jumped back, with his eyes wide; Ranma didn't change back...  
  
"Oh... crap," Ryoga breathed, stepping back slowly from the wet and still female Ranma.  
  
"So... that's how it's gonna be, huh?" Ranma-chan said in a low voice, keeping her eyes hidden behind her bangs.  
  
Ryoga's eyes flew open, as he was forced to involentarily exhale from the fist that slammed into his gut. In a feat of strength that impressed even Ryoga, she lifted him up on her fist, and slammed him into the ground, rupturing the ground with his body and forming a crater under him. Ryoga barely noticed Ranma's aura glowing thinly around her in a red.  
  
"Ya coulda had it good with me, and you went and blew it," Ranma-chan spoke, her voice as solomn as her espression. She raised herself to standing, and then grinned cheerfully, "Now, I must go meet my princess in shining armor!"  
  
"Wha.. n-no," Ryoga gasped, before fading to unconciousness.  
_________________________________  
  
"Hmm?" Herb turned to the massive flare of chi off to the north, "That power..." Without a second thought, she left the confused Lime and Mint, and took to the air, directly towards where she felt the powerful aura.  
  
"Hmm, that was rather spontanious of her, wouldn't you say, my dear brethern?"  
  
"Herb's fathers jiggle when he flies," the tiger-boy replied in a purring voice; his eyes were glassed over and still staring off into the distance.  
  
Mint gave a soft sigh, "I must say, really. We shall have to rectify this absurd infatuation with breasts. By George! I have had an epipheny! Mayhaps you would not be preoccupied with a visually stimulating, yet ultimately limited part of the feminine anatomy if you had experienced the few other delectable offerings our counterparts of the opposing sex offer." Mint patted Lime on the back, "Let us make haste, my dear brother in tribe. We shall make a man of you, yet. Herb left her purse within our temporary domicile, I believe?"  
_________________________________  
  
Mousse thought about his situation. The 'cure' for Ranma didn't work, and in fact, had changed him into a girl. He concluded that the ladle may only work for cursed forms...  
  
His eyes grew VERY wide at that, he could have been stuck with his... monster for the rest of his life!!! Mousse grabbed his groin, which was still aching from Ranma-chan's tender mercies, and the phantom pain he always felt from the strain and fustration that came with his cursed form.  
  
He also realized another problem, Ranma was probably stuck in his girl form. Suddenly, half-way around the world didn't seem like it would even be far enough.  
_________________________________  
  
Herb landed, and looked at the unconcious boy laying in the pit in the forest floor. She could still feel the trace lingering of someone's ki in the air. There was something unusual about it, it had the edge of something in it, something that made her feel incredibly flush, and the boy laying unconcious rather delicious look...  
  
The prince turned princess quickly averted her eyes, and decided that it would probably be best to return back to the inn so that she may ponder this ordeal... in private... in the shower... with the detachable shower head.  
  
In earnest to curb the unsettling fustrated sensation she was feeling, Herb took off into the air, as fast as she could.  
  
In the distance, Ranma-chan smiled, watching the pink comet streak overhead. She knew she would not be able to beat Herb back to her room, but from the speed the princess was taking off at, she'll be good and readying herself by the time Ranma got there.  
  
At an uncanny speed, the redhead herself followed the blazing trail of tonight's midnight partner.  
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"Yes, well, you see, my associate here is in dire straights," Mint stated with a slight exasperated tone of urgency. The inn-keeper looked closely at the dumbly staring boy that seemed a great unsettling deal like a large tiger.  
  
"Hmm, he seems alright to me..."  
  
"Oh, well the ailment he suffers from isn't visible, thankfully enough..." The wolf-boy leaned towards the Innkeeper, and motioned him to lean closer.  
  
"You're not gonna shout in my ear, are ya?" the man gave Mint a half-lidded stare.  
  
"Oh, I must say I'm insulted by your implication that I would be so childish as to tempt such an asinine jest. Please, I would like to remain serious on this matter..." Nodding, the inn-keeper leaned his ear in, "You see, my friend has had a lifelong case of virginity..."  
  
The Inn-keeper blinked, and looked at the other boy, who was growling slightly, while trying to swat a fly with his hands, "Actually, it is pretty visible."  
  
"You may have more knowledge in this subject, so I give a nod towards your diagnosis," Mint replied with a touch of humor, "But, what I was requesting, is if you might provide assistance to rectify this... tragic dilemma?"  
  
The Inn-keeper looked at the other boy again, "Big and dumb aren't my type."  
  
"Oh? Ah, a jest! Good one, dear sir! No, I'm enquiring if you may know of some any locales that may... cater to my associate's needs?"  
  
"Brothels are illegal in Japan, kid."  
  
"Oh, I'm well aware of that. Perhaps you may know of a promising alternative?" Mint held up the small pouch, that clinked within of metal. The Inn-keeper rolled his eyes, assuming that it held the small change the brat's mommy and daddy gave him, though he admitted that he knew some pretty big words for his age.  
  
"Sorry, no can do..."  
  
Mint pulled out two gold coins, "Ah, then my apologies, accept this as restitution for your time, then."  
  
The Inn-keeper's eyes went wide, as he looked over the gold coins, "Hey, kid, maybe I got a little something hidden in a secret hot spring in the back you and your friend may want to take a look at..."  
_________________________________  
  
Ryoga finally woke up, and took a moment to recall his surroundings and the ordeal he was in. Ranma was permenantly a girl, and it was all his fault!  
  
"Oh, Ranma! I swear to you I'll find a cure!" Ryoga pledged, clenching his right hand into a fist by his chest, "I vow on my honor as a martial artist, I will not fail you again!"  
_________________________________  
  
"Impressive!" Mint exclaimed, looking around at the secret pink salon with it's own set of springs that were hidden in an underground facility. It was rather large, the size of a gym, and apparently only catered to very prominant and exclusive customers.  
  
"Yes, I guess it is," the Inn-keeper stated with some pride, "Step right this way, gentlemen, and I'll provide you with something to help your big friend with his... little problem."  
  
"Oh, this just may do well!" Mint nodded in approval, as they came to a curtain.  
  
"For your selection..." The Inn-keeper drew the curtains, displaying ten comely women, nearly baring all.  
  
"Oh... my," Mint was doubly impressed, and reached into the purse to provide for his own servicing. Lime's senses went into overload from the sight of all those fathers.  
_________________________________  
  
Herb sighed, as she dried her hair off while walking out of the bathroom. The shower... experience she read from that peculiar magazine always left her feeling both exhillarated and exhausted at the same time. Without a care or thought to where her two associates may be, Herb collapsed herself onto the bed, almost asleep, before she found the covers being pulled over her without her doing.  
  
"Hard day at work, honey?" a lulling voice whispered into her ear. Herb froze, shocked that someone had managed to sneak up on her.  
  
"Who are..." Before the princess could even get out the third world, she gasped, as her world suddenly collapsed into a sea of building pleasure...  
_________________________________  
  
Mousse crept along, hoping and praying he wasn't caught by the demon that would utilize him until the cold comfort of death settled over his withering frame. He praised the stars that no one was around the encampment, and presumed Ranma had wandered back to the inn, while Ryoga just plain wandered off. The myopic boy bent down to pick up his backpack from the encampment.  
  
"Here... let me help you with that..."  
  
Mousse cursed to himself, "Ah, h-hey, Ryoga..."  
_________________________________  
  
The third woman that had been sent in, ran out screaming, covering her chest in fright.  
  
"Um, this may be a bit of a bother, but perhaps you have one that may be a slight stronger and less fragile than the previous?" Mint asked, becoming quickly discouraged.  
  
"Hmm, I may have just the thing... er... girl..." the Inn-keeper replied, "HELGA!"  
  
An Asian... woman, for lack of a proper defining term, stepped out from behind an iron door, using a rag to wipe blood from her hands.  
  
"This is our resident chef. She provides this establishment with the tasty slop that'll get you're wang up and ready," the Inn-keeper stated.  
  
Mint turned back to him with a raised eyebrow, "That's a woman?"  
  
"HELGA SEE ACTION, DA?" Helga grinned ferally, while flexing her muscles that nearly sent her cooking outfit to shreds.  
  
"And she speaks Russian..." Mint said, distastefully, "Oh well, any port in the storm, I guess. Yes Helga, you get to see 'action' today... sorry, dear Lime."  
_________________________________  
  
"ARE YOU INSANE?!?" Mousse all but shouted at Ryoga, "If you had a brain behind that bandanna of yours, you'd consider the fact that Ranma is now GONE! All that's left is that never-tiring, oversexed, feindish SHE-BEAST! There IS no hope for Ranma's return!"  
  
"No! We HAVE to help him! Poor Ranma! trapped within that horrible, horrible creature! DON'T WORRY, RANMA! WE'LL RESCUE YOU!!!" Ryoga shouted to the heavens, causing Mousse to pale completely.  
  
"Shut UP, you moron! You want her to come back for us!" Mousse grabbed Ryoga by the shoulders, "Listen, I have a home I bought in Argentina when I was there doing a shoot. Come with me, and she'll never find us!"  
  
Ryoga considered the idea. Ranma probably was a lost cause, now, and after seeing Mousse in his cursed form, the idea did sound appealing...  
  
"NO!" Ryoga shouted, adimantly, shaking the idea from his head, "I will not fail Ranma a second time!!!" Ryoga's eyes narrowed, as he glared at Mousse, "So, you gonna help me willingly, or do I have to force you?"  
  
Mousse's answer came in the form of a chain being launched to wrap around Ryoga. The bandanna clad boy reacted quickly, grabbing the chain, pulling Mousse towards him, and then quickly wrapping him up.  
  
"Now... either you give your vow of assistance, or I use you as bait for Ranma-s curse, you got that?" Mousse nodded quickly, his eyes showing the amount of fear the idea put into him.  
_________________________________  
  
"Mint, Lime is confused..."   
  
Mint turned his depressed expression towards his partner, "Yes, what is it, now?"  
  
"Men have fathers, too?"  
  
"FOR THE LAST TIME, EVERYONE HAS *A* FATHER!!! WOMEN HAVE 'BREASTS'!!!" Mint shouted, before regaining his temper. "Look, we will endeavor to improve your education on the fairer sex at a later date. In the meantime, I..."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU HANDLE ME IN... oh, ooohhhh!!! I DEMAND YOU CEASE THIS DEBAucheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, ah, ah-hah! NO! I SHALL... mmm, do that again... I SHALL SEAR YOUR BONES TO ASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH Founding dragon, preserve meeeee! THIS IS MY LAST WARNINGdon'tlistentomekeepgoing..."  
  
Mint blinked, and then turned to Lime, "Perhaps it would be most prudent if we were to retire to another room for this eve. Come now, I believe they have some channels on the device called television that may hold promising amounts of breas... of fathers to keep you entertained for the remainder of the night, and allow me to get some much needed rest."  
  
"Fathers?" Lime growled, already near his max at the amount of 'fatherly attention' he could be given, not that Mint cared at the moment.  
_________________________________  
  
Mousse lead Ryoga back to the inn, regretting the idea of attacking Ryoga instead of breaking the nightshade capsule that was hidden in one of his molars.  
  
"Don't worry Ranma, just hang on," Ryoga stated for the umpteenth time, looking in entirely the wrong wing of the inn for the redhead.  
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Herb wheezed, staring unfocused at the ceiling, unable to do much more. Ranma-chan grinned at the sight; she had a new playmate that was capable of statisfying her for some time, at least.  
  
"Herb-chan, you are *so* mine now!" 


	41. Romancing the Princess

Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
Ukyo looked down at a comfortly smiling Nabiki, finding the warm smile doing little to calm her nervousness. "I... I'm not really..." Ukyo gulped, "really that comfortable with this..."  
  
Nabiki raised her head, and reached up to take the practically naked Ukyo's right hand into both of her's, "Just relax, it really is about time we did this."  
  
Ukyo gave a tentative smile, and nodded, "Well, as long as it's with you..."  
  
Nabiki patted Ukyo's hand and slid down the end of the bed, "Are you ready?" Ukyo's expression firmed, and she nodded. Nabiki nodded herself, and the woman began. Ukyo winced at the feeling of the older woman's hands... down there.  
  
Nabiki looked up at Ukyo's expression in concern, "Are you okay?"  
  
Ukyo had to fight down giggles from the tickelish sensation from the hands between her legs, but managed to respond, "Ah... it's... *giggle*... not as bad as I thought it would... be."  
  
"That's good," Nabiki responded assuradly, "I think it's time to move onto the next part," Nabiki smiled, and looked back down, as Ukyo watched her with more than a little trepidation. The young chef jolted, as she felt the invasion of something cold and metallic.  
  
"Just relax, Ukyo, just relax," Nabiki assured her, never raising her head.  
  
Ukyo let a gasp escape from the sensations she was feeling; screwing her eyes shut and gritting her teeth, so that she could try to limit them. Ukyo had to admit, the older woman's hands were definitely delicate and careful of handling her.  
  
Ukyo found herself relaxing, as various objects were inserted, and before long, they stopped. "Th... that's it?"  
  
Nabiki looked up to the woman's face, and then nodded, "Yeah, that's it. See? And you were worried about all this."  
  
Ukyo blushed, and covered her exposed intimate parts the best she could, "So, we can go now?"  
  
"Well, she wants you to pee in this cup, and then she'll tell you later if there's anything to be concerned about," Nabiki said, as she stood up from the chair at the end of the examination bed Ukyo was on, and put the magazine she was reading down.  
  
Ukyo looked towards the older woman, than back to Nabiki, "Why doesn't she say anything?"  
  
Nabiki threw a smirk to the female gynecologist, who was cleaning up the utensils from her exam with Ukyo, "She's mute." Ukyo nodded in understanding and sympathy, and went to the bathroom that was ajoint to the examination room.  
  
Before long, Nabiki and Ukyo were walking back to Ucchan's. "Thank's Nabiki, I guess I shouldn't have evaded visiting the gynecologist."  
  
"You really had never been to one, huh?" Nabiki shook her head in disapproval, "I mean, what if you developed some problem? You could very well have one right now that you were never aware of!"  
  
Ukyo looked chagrinned, "Well, the whole idea about having someone poking and prodding down there that I'm not... you know..."  
  
"Yeah, I guess I can understand," Nabiki replied, looking off into the distance, "Still, getting poked and prodded by tools may not be comfortable at first, but it is something every woman should experience in their lives, I suggest by other women, though..."  
  
"Eeeeeeeyeeaaaahhh..." Ukyo responded slowly, throwing a sideways glance at Nabiki, while putting about two more steps between the two of them. Ukyo quickly changed the subject, "Say, it's been awfully quiet around here..."  
  
"Ranma's been gone since yesterday," Nabiki responded nonchilantly.  
  
"Really?" Ukyo asked, surprised, but not in the least shocked.  
  
"Yeah, I think Akane knows something about it, but she's been so broken up since then. Shampoo's been consoling her the whole time...  
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Akane had a smug, yet irritated expression, as she laid in bed with her back on Shampoo's chest, "Shampoo, what did I tell you, earlier?"  
  
"Just cuddling," Shampoo replied, basking in the afterglow with her wife...  
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"I'll tell her you give her your condolences, though," Nabiki replied, sharing the same 'oh, that was just too bad' smirk that Ukyo was wearing, "Good riddance, I say."  
  
"I'm with you, honey. Hopefully, from now on, Ranma's someone else's problem!"  
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"Good morning, Ryoga-chan, Mousse-chan," Ranma replied in a sultry voice, sitting up in bed along with an utterly furious and naked Dragon princess...  
  
...someone forgot to heed the 'do not disturb' sign...  
  
"HOW DARE YOU ENTER WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION!!!" Herb's aura started to fill the inn room, before Ranma placed a hand on the other girl's chest, immidiately causing her to quell a bit.  
  
"We had a rather busy night, you guys, mind if you come back in a couple of hours?"  
  
"Ah, it was his idea," Mousse stated, innocently, pointing to a frozen Ryoga.  
  
Ryoga quickly shook himself out of his shock, and glared defiantly at the redhead, "No chance, Ranma! We're going to get you back to normal for your own good!"  
  
Herb blinked, and turned to her bedmate, "Um, 'normal'?"  
  
"Yup, I'm locked in my cursed form," Ranma replied, factually, "These two want to apparently undo the lock..."  
  
"Ah, I see now," Herb replied, pulling Ranma-chan intimately closer to herself, "Jusenkyo curse?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"So, that's why they stole the Chiisuiton?" Herb smiled tenderly at the redhead.  
  
"Bingo"  
  
"And they want to take you from me?" Herb asked in a soft voice, while stroking Ranma's hair with her free hand.  
  
"Something like that, yes." Both Mousse and Ryoga looked at each other in confusion, as the two in bed seemed to be sharing another intimate moment.  
  
"I see," Herb replied, bringing her chin to rest softly on top of Ranma-chan's head...  
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Both Lime and Mint looked up from where they were eating their complimentary breakfast outside, as the sector where Herb was staying just blew up.  
  
After blinking for a few seconds, Mint spoke, "You know? We would most assuradly not be within our right minds if we were to go investigate that..."  
  
"I did not see anything," Lime replied, keeping his eyes down on his breakfast...  
_________________  
  
Ranma-chan pouted a bit, when her new love quickly donned clothes, but it vanished when the Dragon Princess scooped her up into her arms, managing to keep a bed sheet wrapped around her to protect her... 'imagined' modesty. In a bound, they were airborne, following the blast trail caused by two bodies riding a high velocity ki shot.  
  
"'IT'S QUIET IN THERE', YOU SAID! 'THEY WON'T BE AS HOSTILE IF IT'S OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM', YOU SAID," Mousse shouted, panicking at the fact that they now have a hostile Dragon Princess after them for the double fact that they both stole the Chisuiton, and apparently intend to take her new love away from her.  
  
"Stop... shouting... please..." Ryoga whispered, as he staggered slowly to his feet. It was a difficult task, since the world seemed to be spinning faster on it's axis than usual.  
  
"Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap..." Mousse began to babble, spinning around, and taking note of the damage their impact made.  
  
Ryoga also took stock of the area, "Well, it won't be hard for them to find where we're at..."  
  
"Ohcrapohcrapoh... huh?"  
  
"You two had enough time to make your final restitutions?" A voice asked from above them.  
  
Both Ryoga and Mousse looked up in unison, and replied, "Oh... crap."  
  
Herb landed, and gently set the girl in her arms down on her feet, "You may want to step back about twenty meters or so, I don't think I could bare bringing you to harm."  
  
Ranma-chan smiled brightly at the princess, "Oh, you're just so sweet!" With that, the redhead kissed the other girl, and skipped off into the distance.  
  
The Princess stood, watching the other girl fondly, before recalling what she was about to do. "Oh, pardon me, where were we?" Herb replied, chagrinned, "Oh yes, I remember... DIE!"  
  
Mousse and Ryoga leapt into different directions, as they were separated by a quick and large blast. Ryoga rolled to the side, and shouted to Herb, "Herb, listen! Ranma's only using you!"  
  
"SLANDEROUS DOG!" Herb started to take aim at Ryoga specifically.  
  
Mousse winced in sympathy, but decided that Ryoga was now a lost cause. Slowly, he started to back away, as to not draw attention to himself, before he ran backwards into a brick wall.  
  
"Hi," the brick wall said, that happened to be dressed in tiger skins.  
  
"I'm afraid that if you were one of the individuals that disturbed Herb-sama, for the rest of us to have peace..." Both Mint and Lime each grabbed one of Mousse's arms.  
  
"Ah, hi," Mousse greeted, nervously, "Say... you know? The porn industry has a lot of interesting things I bet you didn't know about..."  
_________________  
  
"RYU SEI HISHOU!"  
  
Ryoga felt two heavy impacts on each side of him, as Herb flew overhead. Fortunately, being constantly slammed from behind by other guys often larger than him had given Ryoga a great deal of endurance, allowing him to grit his teeth, and bare the blow.  
  
"Ranma's got at least three..." Ryoga quickly counted his fingers, "...twelve girls at his... her beck and call, that I know of! You're just another girl to her!"  
  
"I AM NOT A GIRL!!!" Herb screamed in a voice that almost became shrill, as she descended at a heavy velocity, right onto where Ryoga was standing. The bandanna clad boy dodged out of the way, feeling the slight stings from several shards of rock from the pulverized ground.  
  
"Well, Ranma thinks you are, and that's all that matters to her!"  
  
"IMPOSSIBLE!" Herb denied, "I am well versed in courting rituals, and I know for a fact that women only desire men!"  
  
Ryoga froze in his dodging, and stared flatly at Herb for her naivety, and was promptly blasted into a tree.  
  
"I...if you don't believe me," Ryoga wheezed, testing his chest tenderly where he was struck, "Ask Ranma."  
  
Herb paused, and then nodded. The next instant, she was airborn, and heading towards where Ranma-chan had headed. The princess found Ranma-chan dipping her feet idly in a stream, and landed next to her, "Um, my love?"  
  
"Yes?" Ranma asked innocently.  
  
"You... I don't mean to be insulting, if you find my inquery so... but do you, um... desire other girls?"  
  
"It only hurts to limit yourself," Ranma-chan replied, guilelessly."  
  
"So, that means..."  
  
"I'm AC/DC, you got it."  
  
"Ah, which explains that..."  
  
"I'm a switch hitter, yup."  
  
"Correct, which is..."  
  
"Neutral like the Swiss, Uh huh."  
  
"So, I am to presume that..."  
  
"I LIKE BOYS AND GIRLS!" Ranma-chan shouted, finally getting fustrated.  
  
Herb smoothed her hair back into place from where it was standing on end, "Thank you for clarifying that for me." The princess bent down to kiss Ranma on the cheek, and took back off towards the battlegrounds.  
  
Ryoga had gotten his breath back, as Herb landed across from him, and promptly blasted him through another tree, "THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"  
  
The fanged-boy shot to his feet, and started to strafe around the furious princess, "Oh yeah? Did Ranma ever tell you about Akane? Huh?"  
_________________  
  
"Whoa, Akane, you're really into it tonight!"  
  
"Who, may I enquire, is this Akane person?"  
  
"Ah... roleplaying, I'm the overbearing school mistress, and you're the meek student named Akane!"  
  
"Indeed, well... commence with my punishment, sensei..."  
_________________  
  
Herb shook herself out of her flashback, "I do not know what you're talking about!"  
  
"There's also Nabiki, Shampoo..."  
  
"SHAMPOO'S MINE!" An agitated voice shouted from the sidelines.  
  
"Yuka, I think Kasumi a few times, the Avon lady..."  
  
"LIES!" Herb shouted, leaping into the air, and attempting to take Ryoga's head off with a jump kick.  
  
Ryoga dove to the side, kicking at his opponent, but finding it blocked, "Believe what you want, but I don't think it would be befitting a princess..."  
  
::SHOOM::  
  
"Let... me correct... myself," Ryoga stated in a wobbly voice, as he pulled himself from the twelve foot deep crater, "befitting a *prince* to belong to a harem."  
  
"I SHALL BURY YOUR CHARRED CARCASS AND THEN DESECRATE YOUR GRAVE FOR SUCH TALK!"  
  
"It's true, just ask Ranma-chan about his , I mean her past girlfriends!"  
  
Herb paused his blast aimed squarely for Ryoga's head, mused a second, and then nodded, efore flying off.  
  
"Um, my consort?"  
  
"Yes," Ranma-chan replied with a smile.  
  
"Excuse me if this happens to be a delicate subject, but who exactly is this Akane person the infidel you call Ryoga refers to?"  
  
"My fiancee," Ranma-chan replied, without hesitation.  
  
"Ah... and this Nabiki girl?"  
  
"I use her for sex here and there, but I think she hates my guts."  
  
"Shampoo?"  
  
"My wife by Amazon law."  
  
"Yuka?"  
  
"I trapped her in the girl's locker room, strictly a one-moment stand."  
  
"Kasumi?"  
  
"Just helping her scratch an itch."  
  
"The Avon lady?" Herb asked with a weak tone.  
  
"Wanted to test the lotions she was offering, though she has been coming by more frequently."  
  
"Anyone else I should know about?" Herb asked, timidly,  
  
"Kodachi, Sayuri, the French teather at Furinkan, my own mother, though that one's debatable, Cologne, actually, I'm just working on her, but I think she'll crack sometime soon... Oh yeah, the cashier at the public baths that works Monday, Wednesday, and sometimes Thursday..."  
  
"Thank you, I think that's enough... I just wanted to clarify that," Herb replied in a quiet tone, before turning around, and flying off.  
  
"Well, I believe in being open and honest in a relationship!" Ranma-chan shouted towards the flying princess.  
  
"SHE LOVES ME MORE!" Herb shouted, nailing Ranma with another blast of her near, infinite ki.  
  
"Can't you do something else other than throw those around?" Ryoga groaned, pulling himself out of the deep furrow his skidding body left in its wake.  
  
"YOU'RE TRYING TO CONFUSE ME!" Herb accused, launching herself at Ryoga, and moving into a series of gattlin-gun speed attacks, most of which nailed Ryoga quite easily, while the rest just nailed him, nonetheless.  
  
Ryoga was unsteady on his feet, but not out of it yet, "I'm just telling you the facts. Ranma was just hard up and looking for another pair of panties or briefs to sack up with, and you happened along just fine! I bet you don't even consider the fact that she thinks of you as a *girl*!"  
  
"YOU..." Herb paused, and surrepticiously looked towards the direction Ranma was in, and then turned back to Ryoga.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll wait," the bandanna-clad boy responded. With that, Herb took off.  
  
"Anyone else finding these intermissions rather tedious?" Mint asked with a frown.  
  
Herb landed next to a smiling Ranma-chan. The princess started to open her mouth, and then snapped it shut. She smiled at Ranma, and took back off to the battle.  
  
Ryoga groaned, as he was once again surprised with a massive ki attack.  
  
"HER LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER!"  
  
"She's *NEVER* in love, or don't you get it yet?" Ryoga shouted, finally getting fustrated, battered, and tired of the whole debaucle.  
  
"THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO DISCUSS! ONLY YOUR LAST RITES REMAIN!"  
  
"I give up," Ryoga replied with a resigned tone, "I'm pretty sure you're going to defend someone who finds you as nothing more than the nearest convenient hole to insert something, but I would rather you just tell me how to change Ranma back to his guy form."  
  
"Even if I were to tell you about the Kaisuifu, I would breath my last as a girl or boy before I allow you to harm my beloved with it!"  
  
"Is that what she told you?" Ryoga replied with a nasty smirk, "Heh, she doesn't even bother to tell you the truth..."  
  
"HER LIES ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO YOURS!" Herb shouted, allowing her battle aura to blanket the immidiate area.  
  
Ryoga's hackles rose, as he felt the area become laden with the Dragon Princess's ki, but pushed on, "So, you even recognize that Ranma's lying to you?"  
  
Something snapped within the Dragon Princess, and with a feral yell, she leapt at Ryoga, pinning him to the ground. Ryoga was too tired to fight her, and chose to remain defiant, instead, "go ahead, just remember this; Ranma's girlform just seems to be the embodiment of lust. Practically everyone falls for her in some way or another, and you're no different. If you're some high and mighty prince, than why are you letting her rule you right now?"  
  
As Ryoga calmly spoke, Herb brought her right fist up, and started to infuse it with ki. after his speech ended, she raised it even higher to strike. Ryoga had his eyes closed, pretty sure this was the end. It didn't matter much to him, though, since he had failed Ranma so utterly.  
  
Ryoga realized the moments were passing too long, and opened his right eye to see what was going on. He was rather startled to find the girl on top of him silently crying, as the glow on her hand winked out from lack of concentration.  
  
The fanged boy took the opportunity to roll Herb off of him, and stood up.  
  
"Now why did you have to go and make her cry for?"  
  
"You..." Ryoga turned to see his red-headed bane, only wrapped in a white bedsheet, with her arms folded and looking at him with an irritated expression.  
  
Both strode the distance between them, and came to a stop about two meters apart. "Busy morning?" Ranma-chan enquired, with a slight smirk.  
  
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, GIRL-RANMA!" Ryoga accused, "IF YOU'D ONLY JUST LET US FIX YOUR DAMN CURSE..."  
  
"Did it ever occur to you, that I'm just no longer cursed?" Ranma-chan asked, defiantly.  
  
"You're more a curse than what Jusenkyo caused," Ryoga retorted, causing Ranma to flinch a bit, "All you seem to do is just hurt people for your own perversions!"  
  
"Hey, I'm doing a community service here!"  
  
"HA! More like servicing the community!"  
  
"Ryoga, I don't know what you see in the virgin, but..." Ranma was abruptly cut off, as she and Ryoga were forced to dodge an oncoming blast.  
  
"You did lie to me, you never cared about my feelings, one way or the other," Herb said in a quiet voice, keeping her eyes downwards.  
  
Ranma turned an affectionate look to her latest playmate, "Of course I did... do! You're special to me!"  
  
"Don't. Lie. To. Me." Herb growled, her battle aura flaring with each word.  
  
Ranma-chan frowned, "Herb-chan, I know you're upset, but..."  
  
"BUT NOTHING!" Herb's eyes turned to look at Ranma, glowing a swirling pink.  
  
"Herb, now is not the place for a lover's quarrel," Ranma-chan chided, with an unignorable amount of steel creeping into her voice.  
  
"I beg to differ, 'lover'," Herb responded, beginning to float off the ground, as her ki started to swirl around her, "I think it's high time, as your prince, that you had best been put back in your place."  
  
Ranma-chan chuckled sinisterly, unaffected by Herb's display of great might, "You just don't realize who you're dealing with, do you?"  
  
The whole inn area was blanketed with red ki.  
_________________  
_________________  
  
Next; Herb vs Ranma-chan; The Race for the Kettle 


	42. Ranma vs Herb Race for the Open Lock Ket...

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
  
  
The red wave hit everyone present, and even a little ways beyond their vicinity, like an up close and personal solar flare. The effect wasn't so much physical, but it caused them to sheild themselves as if battling a sandstorm.  
  
Herb was the first to succomb, and the most affected since she was the most ki sensitive, as she gasped, and dropped like a lead weight that had been suspended barely on a wet sheet of toilet paper, clutching her private areas and writhing in agony... for lack of a better word. Lime's eyes went wide, and developed an even wilder, more feral look to them, while Mint grimaced as if straining himself. Mousse began to shout out for Shampoo, while thrashing within his capter's grasp; yet Lime and Mint held firm, though they were suffering from the same plight. Ryoga had learned that for Ranma, he had to control his lusts, and when the erogenous shockwave hit him, he quickly rebelled against it, but barely managed to maintain his equalibrium.  
  
"Now you've gone and made me angry," Ranma-chan stated, pulling her outstretched battle aura back within a mere 15 foot radius of herself. The congestion of her ki caused her hair to rise as in caught lightly in an updraft, also giving the sheet she wore loosely around herself an etheral writhing look. Her eyes took a crimson glow that bled her might brighter than even her aura had accomplished.  
  
Ryoga was the first to fully gain back his facilities, "H-how?"  
  
"Something I picked up, thanks to Cologne," the redhead cooed in a saccharine sweet, yet menacing voice, while remembering with some wry amusement when she was inflicted with the Venus's Bane pressure point.  
  
"I doubt she would have taught such a thing to you," Ryoga challenged, while precariously scooting back to diminish the effects of Ranma's aura.  
  
"Na, the old ghoul wouldn't have, not intentionally, anyways," Ranma turned back to the struggling Herb-chan, and folded her arms in somewhat mock ire, "Are you ready to apologise? You really hurt my feelings!"  
  
"A-apologise... to you?" Herb growled, though it lost something as she began to half sob. As if struggling against immense forces weighting her down, Herb rolled onto her stomach, and started to glow faintly. With a Hurculean effort, she placed one hand flat upon the ground, and then another. She pulled her knees under her, and slowly began to rise defiantly. Once she fully stood up, she lifted her chin in pride, and glared at her seducer, "I am the Prince of the Musk, the latest in the line of the Dragon Clan. I do not know what you are, but I will not allow my defeat by the likes of you!" Herb was extremely shaken, and it was obvious it was taking some concentration to remain focused.  
  
A flash of surprise crossed Ranma's face, before her eyes narrowed, "Fine, if that's the way you want it..."  
  
Herb blinked, and immidiately found herself frantically guarding against a phalanx of attacks. The four bystanders finally regained their full capacities, though they were still suffering from Ranma's proximity, as the painful bulges lower than waist level had demonstrated.  
  
"That... was most peculiar," Mint mumbled, letting go of Mousse's left arm.  
  
"Lime feels funny," Lime growled, "like when we were cubs, and we-"  
  
"That would be quite enough, and I would suggest you forget such things," Mint interrupted, blushing, and while holding one of his knives down on Lime's tongue.  
  
Mousse stared long and hard at the two, finding himself very concerned about having his curse activated again, before Ryoga ran up to them, "Quick! We have to stop Ranma!" His plea was punctuated by Herb's flying body soaring backwards between them.  
  
Herb skidded along the ground, and performed a back handspring back to her feet. She quickly took to the air to perform her Dragon Flight Spirit attack, but found herself face to face in mid-air with her opponent. Once again they were both trading attacks; Ranma's aerial battle skill versus Herb's ki powered flight. Eventually, Ranma stopped rising, while Herb continued to do so, but that didn't deterr the redhead any bit. The redhead latched onto the Dragon Princess's foot, and Ranma swung her right leg's knee into the back of Herb's knee. The momentum was enough to shake Herb's equalibrium, causing them both to plummet back to the ground, with Herb's own left knee the closest to impact.  
  
The Dragon Princess managed to reinforce her limb before they hit the ground, causing a great sized crater upon impact. Both fighters split apart from the pit; Ranma grinning ferally, while Herb seemed to be nervously assessing the situation.  
  
"This isn't begining to bode well for our leige." Lime nodded in affirmation.  
  
"We can stop her," Ryoga interjected, "Ranma has a Jusenkyo curse, and I think that ladle thing locked it, is there a way to unlock it?"  
  
"That was the very reason we are in Japan," Mint replied, "Prince Herb is under the same ailment you describe. What would unlocking Ranma's curse do to assisting us?"  
  
"Just trust me on this," Ryoga pleaded, "What do we need to unlock the curse?"  
  
"Well, the Kaisuifuu will unlock it, and it is within this vicinity, but we need the ladle to decipher its location."  
  
"Here, just get rid of her," Mousse stated firmly, pulling the ladle and bucket from his sleeves.  
  
"Let us hope we're close enough..." Mint prayed, and winced as a particularly telling blow was heard, followed by the sound of Herb's body hitting a tree.  
  
"Come on, cinimmin tush!" Ranma pleaded without much empathy in her voice, "why don't we just skip the gratuitious fight scene, and get to kissing each other's boo boos?"  
  
"I shall be your harlot no longer," Herb shot back, still circling Ranma, "I would best die, and see you finished along with me, than succomb to your perversities."  
  
"Oh, don't act like you didn't enjoy it," Ranma replied wryly, before launching herself at her opponent.   
  
Herb aimed a ki blast at her opponent's feet, slowing Ranma down a bit. The redhead guarded against the debris that was kicked up, before seeing a steady path of dirt being kicked up from a furrow heading towards her from where Herb had been previously. Ranma stood in stance to guard against whatever came out of the furrow, thus, distracted from Herb leaping into the air, and diving above her.  
  
"RYUU SU SEI!"  
  
The ki blast that was sent underground towards Ranma caused the dirt to envelope her, while two spheres of ki slammed into her sides. Herb landed, and turned around to face Ranma-chan, "Did, did I defeat her?"  
  
"Far from it, sweet stuff!" The dust cloud diminished quickly, leaving an untouched Ranma-chan with her arms crossed, "alright, you're really starting to tick me off, now!"  
  
herb gulped; she was *now* just starting to get angry? "Blast it all! My ki in this form is too weak!"  
  
Mint gave a sigh of relief, as the the ladle slowly came to a stop in a direction. From the way it was slightly tilting, indicating that it was upon an altitude higher, they were close.  
  
Ryoga understood what the ladle's stop implicated, "Right, let's go!" Mousse caught Ryoga's shirt, before the lost boy could head in the totally opposite direction, and dragged him the way they wanted to go.  
  
Mint turned to his Prince, "HERB, WE'RE PURSUING THE KETTLE, RYOGA STATED THAT IT WOULD BE ABLE TO ASSIST US WITH SUBDUING RANMA!"  
  
Both Ryoga and Mousse stopped, "YOU IDIOT!!!"  
  
Suddenly, Ranma pumped the level up another notch, "LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!" Herb was caught by surprise by the sudden ferocity Ranma-chan was giving off, and caught several... hundred blows, the final one sending her away.  
  
The redhead dashed at the four boys, almost faster than they could see. Fortunately, she turned her back on Herb well too soon. Ranma skidded sideways, holding onto her pained left arm with her right hand, and turned to glare at Herb-chan, who was still braced in her ki enforced shotokan style shoulder check.  
  
"We're not done yet, 'Lover'."  
  
Ranma gave a gutteral growl, as her eyes pulsed an even brighter crimson. She once again launched at Herb, but found her opponent putting up a much more capable defense against her, and even managing to return some blows.  
  
Herb was no longer having to fight off the lustful urges Ranma-chan seemed to be projecting into her by proximity alone, finding something else to focus on. Something borne from Ranma-chan's casual use of her, cavalier disgarding of the Princess, and flippant disregard for her feelings. All this was coupled with her current gender  
  
Herb found one power that few ever dare to directly challenge, none of them be man. It was the force of sheer, unadulterated, righteous femenine anger.   
  
Now the battle was on even ground.  
__________________  
  
Lime, Mint, Ryoga, and Mousse quickly took off, as the battle began again. Without pause, they ran, until they came to a steep cliff face. Lime immidiately started climbing, as Mint precariously leapt from ledge to ledge. Mousse pulled out a grappling hook from his sleeve, attached to a rope, and hurled it upwards. When it snagged, he advanced up the cliff wall. Before he started up, himself, Ryoga glanced back to find the raging battle just on their tales.  
__________________  
  
Ranma-chan's face was contorted in rage, as she furiously struck out in order to pummel her opponent into submission. The image of such a beautiful face being twisted so would have seriously upset the Heir of the Musk Dynasty, if not for the fact that she was in her own rage riot. Nonetheless, she was still able to follow through the course of action she had decided upon; to lead Ranma to the kettle. The princess knew the other girl feared it, and decided that it must be the key to her undoing.  
  
The Dragon Princess felt herself starting to become overwhelmed, and leapt into a backflip to gain some ground. Ranma-chan would have none of that, as she cupped her hands together. Herb's eyes went wide, as she saw the rather large beam of crimson ki bearing down on her...  
__________________  
  
Ryoga was the last to the top, and found the other three staring at several eyes hidden in the foliage. The monkeys that the eyes belonged to looked upon the intruders to their habitat, sensing the auras of a little piglet, in one of them, while another two had the more menacing auras of a tiger and wolf. The latter two auras would have caused the monkeys to run in terror of such fierce predators.  
  
Unfortunately, they had felt Ranma-chan's aura flash...  
  
...and they were all, terribly, terribly horny...  
  
All four boys felt a shiver crawl up their spines as the stares turned into leers  
__________________  
  
Herb picked herself up off the ground, and found Ranma readying another ki blast. herb thought fast, decided on a course of action, and quickly sucked the immidiate area dry of as much ki as possible.  
  
Ranma let unleash another potentially devistating blast, which directly impacted the its target, yet didn't even seem to effect the Dragon Princess. Herb held the gathered ki in front of her as a rounded shield, that caused Ranma's attack to round about it. As it flowed over Herb's barrier, it was absorbed into the area, replacing the ki of the depreciated area. Herb's attack had another advantage, as it started to suck Ranma's ki away from her.  
  
Feeling more depleted than she had expected, Ranma stumbled forward, a bit light-headed. Herb took advantage of the opening, and shot forward, with her fist cocked back. Ranma was rocked with a haymaker of a straight cross, a follow up backfist with the other hand, and a spinning outside crescent kick from the same side as the backfist.  
  
Herb stood breathing hard from the effort of having to have gathered the enviorment's ki so quickly, and used the moment to gather her breath. Ranma sat up from her side, and wailed like an irritated cat, while licking the top of her right hand where a scratch that drew blood was. She pulled herself to full standing, glaring balefully at the Dragon Princess.  
  
On a silent command, both fighters rushed at each other...  
__________________  
  
"This better wash out of wolf pelt," Mint grumbled, "Or else I'm going back, and we'll be having Quangxi Mountain oysters..."  
  
Lime was picking leaves from low branches as they ran, and using them to wipe himself off, "We use oxen for that..."  
  
Mint glared at his compatriot, "Monkeys will work just fine..." Mint turned his head back to Ryoga and Mousse, "How did you two get out unsatched?"  
  
"Practice," both cursed individuals said, and then turned sideways glances towards each other. As they turned back, they came to a stop.  
  
"Hey, how far are we from it, now?" Ryoga asked through his panting.  
  
Mint quickly set the bucket down, and placed the ladle on it, spinning. It almost immidiately came to a stop, pointing to the peak just up ahead.  
  
"Oh man," Mousse grumbled at the absurdity of their destination.  
__________________  
  
Ranma and Herb continued their battle, as they leapt from ridge to ridge on the cliffside; trading blows on their ascent. Herb backflipped onto the top of the cliff, and jumped away, as Ranma landed with an ax kick that crumbled the top of the cliff. The redhead leapt off just before it fell, once again within fierce attack range of Herb.  
  
The Dragon Princess was beginning to feel the battle's toll on her, as she had barely had enough time to gather her breath, while her opponent was relentless. They battled across the trail littered with saited monkeys, who started to scamper at the angry battle auras being manifested between the two combatants. Beyond their path, Ranma caught sight of the four boys she had been trying to chase, while beating the crap out of Herb. her aura became even more dense, as if it were bloody glowing soot in the air.  
  
The punch Herb caught in the gut was retaliated with a snap kick to Ranma-chan's jaw. Snap kick was returned by Ranma to Herb's ribs, and Herb answered with a back fist to the side of the other girl's face. Ranma spun from the punch, and answered with an outside roundhouse that lifted Herb off the ground. Herb was sent spinning into the air, but not before giving a last blow with her retreating heel.  
  
Ranma was only sent to kneeling, as Herb was felled to the ground. Before Herb could recover, Ranma leapt again at the unsuspecting boys...  
__________________  
  
"Well, it's a kettle, alright," Mousse observed," but how do we get water from it?"  
  
"I would suggest, my collegues, that perhaps destruction of the barrior over the snout would answor our inquerries?"  
  
"RYUU SU SEI!!!!"  
  
All three, turned to find Ranma-chan upon them, seeming to be sandwitched between two invisible forces that were so powerful, they even brought the ground below them to rumbling, before recovering. Herb landed in front of them, not even acknowleging them, as she stared down the redhead.  
  
For the first time since their battle, the redhead spoke, "Get. Out. Of. My. Way."  
  
Herb answered, by tapping into her last reseviors of vast ki, and using it to demonstrate her might through her visible aura. Ranma-chan seemed unimpressed, as her own aura grew.  
  
"KAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"  
  
"HURRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ryoga spared a glance backwards towards the battle, as the ground began to quake, "Ranma..."  
  
"We mustn't dally, make haste!" Mint commanded, racing up to the kettle. As he came within distance, he pulled out one of his throwing daggers, and deftly hurled it tthrough the snout of the stone kettle rock formation. From the newly created opening, steaming hot water poured from inside, and within the bubbling liquid, danced the cause of the heated water.  
  
Herb was lobbing ki attacks at an alarming rate, while Ranma danced between them. Whenever she was close enough, she attacked hand to hand. Herb would counter best she could, and break away in order to once again begin her barrage.  
  
She was beginning to feel faint and exhausted, but she wouldn't cease until she either dropped dead, or Ranma was stilled. Unfortunately, fate wasn't smiling in her direction, as Ranma once again managed to get in close, and drive her knee into the princess's sternum. Ranma's momentum carried both of them into a leap, which Ranma forced Herb under her, hitting the ground and pinned. Without pause, Ranma-chan leapt towards the large kettle shaped rock.  
  
Just as Mint reached the snout, a large red blast knocked him for a loop. The remaining two boys turned in dismay, to find Ranma-chan descending upon them, "YOU WILL NOT PUT ME BACK IN THAT PRI-"  
  
She was cut off, as a length of chain wrapped around her arms and waist. "GOTCHA!" Mousse exclaimed, as he put all his strength into torquing the chain, and slamming Ranma into the kettle.  
  
That impact was the final straw, as the badly pummelled mountain finally started to give way. Mousse, Ryoga, Lime or Mint could react in time to save the distressed Princess, as the ground beneith them began to split.  
  
"So this is how I meet my demise," Herb thought whistfully to herself, "At least... at least I won't die a virgin..." Her limp body fell into the fissure, that widened a bit more, before the other half of the crashing mountain began to crumble, and close the fissure up.  
  
The newly formed chasm began to fill with near boiling water, as it was closing, that was ejected as the fissure closed finally.  
  
Mint and Lime held morose expressions, matched by Mousse and Ryoga's. The ground trembled even heavier, bringing the four boys back to the situation at hand. They raced down the mountain, dodging and leaping the cracks forming in their way...  
__________________  
  
The hot water spashed against the crumbling ground, followed by the two firm feet of martial artist extraordinare; Ranma Saotome. Herb-chan briefly opened her eyes, surprised to find she was not currently deceased. Her surprise was followed up by another one, to find herself within the arms of her apparent savior; a rather handsome young man looking down on her with obvious concern. Her female hormones instincts took over, as her heart fluttered, and she once again felt faint, so decided to do just that.  
  
Ranma blinked at the reaction, but decided it was no time for that, as he started as fast as he could down the mountain.  
__________________  
  
Mint, Lime, Ryoga, and Mousse all turned to see the mountain crumble into rubble, and began running again, as the rockslides began towards them. They didn't stop, until they heard a familiar voice to at least two of them.  
  
"Hey guys! Wait up!"  
  
"RANMA!" Both Mousse and Ryoga exclaimed in surprise. Both were even estatic to see him, though one would not admit it, and would condemn himself for not wishing his rival to have perished, later on.  
__________________  
  
Ranma looked at the ladle and the Kettle he had saved on instinct after being changed back to a guy. He had used the latter to change the prince back to his true form, and wished to sit alone from the others for the time being. They all agreed to his privacy, and let him brood on events, as he had a lot to consider; all of it since he had first gotten cursed.  
  
"Ranma Saotome, I would speak with you."  
  
Ranma turned his gaze towards the prince, "if it's all the same, I kinda want to be alone now."  
  
"i understand that, but we shall be departing in a few moments, and I would have some questions answered."  
  
Ranma gave in, "I guess, but why you leaving so soon?"  
  
Herb turned away, so that Ranma couldn't see his blush, "it is... uncomfortable here. I would like to be within my home grounds before the next week. but that is not what I wanted to discuss."  
  
"So, shoot, what's on your mind?"  
  
Herb stared at Ranma intensely, "You shall realize that... well..." Ranma blinked, as he saw the regal young man began to hem and haw.  
  
"Problem?"  
  
"Well, to bluntly, you were my first," Herb stated, looking down to the ground. Ranma presumed Herb was sitting too close to the fire, as red as he was becoming.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Herb ignored the question, "I may have given myself to you freely," Herb wasn't even considering the actual course of events, "but I don't relenquish so easily. I must know, and know the truth."  
  
"About what?" Ranma asked, feeling a growing trepidation.  
  
"Did you have any feelings for me, what so ever?"  
  
"WHAT? NO!" Ranma shouted, backing away.  
  
Herb felt a sting in his chest he was not so privy to, that he had only felt in his female form. He steeled himself, and recalled the concern Ranma had shown him when the pigtailed boy saved him, "The TRUTH, Saotome..."  
  
Ranma attempted to look away, but the direction he turned, a small beam of ki burrowed into the ground. Startled, Ranma turned back to Herb.  
  
"Don't look away when I'm talking to you!"  
  
"Hmph, just like a girl," Ranma thought wryly, "Well, I... well..."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Well, I didsortakindafindyouinteresting..." Ranma rushed out, and quickly added adimantly, "AS A GIRL, I mean."  
  
Herb stared at Ranma carefully, before a slight smile appeared on his face. The prince got up, and stepped back into the forest, puzzling Ranma at the reply. A splash and a few seconds later, a damp Herb-chan came back into the clearing that held Ranma and her alone in it, and kneeled before the pigtailed boy.  
  
Ranma was even more confused as to why Herb changed back into a girl; wouldn't he want to stay out of that form as much as possible? The answer was given, as Herb grasped the sides of Ranma's face, and pulled him into a kiss.  
  
"Thank you, for at least once being honest with me. Even if you had to be a male to do so." With that, Herb stood, and swung his cloak around his body, before shouting, "Mint, Lime, we must depart at once!"  
  
Ranma watched Herb stride off, possibly with a little more in her step, while in a catatonic state.  
__________________  
  
"My Leige" Mint enquired, as the boarded the boat back to their homeland, "Why such an abrupt departure? There are no duties that could not wait to allow you a brief sabbatical."  
  
"i wish to understand Ranma Saotome," Herb replied, in his most regal tone to cover up the emotion he felt at the name, "And that would require investigation of his curse. I believe I know which spring he fell victim to."  
  
Mint stared at Herb with an incredulous look, "I... if that is what you desire..." 


	43. Three Year Little Death

Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho  
'Three Year Little Death'  
  
  
  
"RANMA!" Akane exclaimed, as her and Shampoo watched their fiancee walk in wearily through the front gates with a thick parka. Ranma didn't lift the hood, until he got onto the porch.  
  
"Hey 'Kane, Shampoo. I know it's nice and all that I'm back, but I'm gonna need some time to myself for a while..." Ranma trudged between both girls, and into the house.  
  
"Ra-Ranma-sama?" Akane almost whispered, as she watched Ranma continue on, not even looking back. Ranma may had missed the slight despair in Akane's voice, but the violet eyed Amazon beside her did not. Those very same eyes hardened in disapproval.  
  
"Akane-chan, we go get too, too delicious ramen at Cat Cafe, make you feel better, yes?" Akane looked up, and nodded with a certain resignation. As she lead the other girl away, Shampoo spared one more withering glance backwards.  
___________________  
  
"Where you been, boy?" Genma enquired, while looking sternly at his son.  
  
"Training trip, alright?" Ranma snapped back, heading up to the guest room to put up his supplies.  
  
"Oh, son, I'm glad you've returned, Akane's been terribly upset about your absense," Nodoka, turning away from her game of shougi with Soun. She idly used the hilt of her sword to jack-slap her gaming partner without turning around, as his hand got a bit too close to the pieces when it was her turn. "She's been moaning all day. Even with Shampoo here, she seemed lonely without you... what?"  
  
Ranma and Genma dropped their dry stares at Nodoka, and returned to confronting each other, allowing Nodoka to start re-arranging game pieces. "Well, I expect some improvement, boy. I'm not going easy on you tonight!"  
  
"Pop, if you knew what's good for ya, you'd leave me a lone for the time being," Ranma warned, continuing upstairs.  
  
"INSOLENT BOY, WHY..."  
  
"Genma, leave him alone," Nodoka commanded, gently; 'gently' being she only stroked the sheath of her sword, instead of picking it up.  
  
"Er, right, the boy needs time to himself... wouldn't want to interrupt anything, or something..."  
___________________  
  
"I see, so Son-in-law has returned from whatever journey?" Cologne asked, sitting at the table, and watching Akane eat, as Shampoo stroked her hair.  
  
"Yeah," Akane replied sullenly, "but he barely said a word to me since he got back."  
  
"Hmm, mayhaps something happened while he was gone that's leaving him rather troubled?" Cologne suggested, recalling her most rescent attack.  
  
"I wish he would at least tell me about it," Akane groused, "Isn't he supposed to trust me?"  
  
"Is no right how male-airen treat Akane," Shampoo growled, continuing to pet Akane.  
  
"Ah, Shampoo, you're starting to get a little hard..." Akane stated, while her head was snapping back with each pet, and her scalp was beginning to strain.  
  
Shampoo didn't seem to hear Akane, "Shampoo go speak with Ranma now, tell him he hurt Akane!"  
  
"Shampoo..." Cologne tried to get her great-granddaughter's attention, as Akane strained to hold onto her hair, which was now starting to be pulled roughly by Shampoo's hard petting.  
  
"No, great-grandmother, you is said it wife's duty to put mans in place..." Shampoo growled with a burning fire building in her eyes. She stopped petting Akane, but held her hand firmly in place.  
  
"That's true, but..."  
  
"Is okay, Great-grandmother, Shampoo know her duty. Akane come too, learn how to handle arrogant mans..." Shampoo looked down at Akane, and found her fury building even further, "Aiyaaa, Ranma make Akane cry!" Akane exhaled, as Shampoo pulled her hand from her scalp, and clutched it into a fist, "Shampoo make Ranma pay for upsetting Akane-chan!" With that, the younger Amazon stormed out of the restaurant.  
  
Akane wiped the tears from her eyes that had built up from Shampoo holding her eyes open accidentally by holding her scalp back, "um... did I miss something here?"  
  
"I was hoping you may fill me in," Cologne replied, with a dumbfounded look.  
___________________  
  
"HA!" Ranma held his hands in front of him.  
  
"HIYAAAA!" He thrust them forward again...  
  
"Um... KAMEHAMEHA!" Still nothing...  
  
"Damn," Ranma grumbled, settling into lotus position in the middle of the dojo. He thought back to his girlside's battle with Herb, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure how she had managed it. "We were able to throw some sort of blast like Herb did, but I can't remember how we did it!" Ranma once again focused on his aura; it was in comparison to his girlside's about as powerful as a sixty-watt bulb to a lighthouse, but at least he was able to figure out how to focus that from their experience.  
  
It was like they were concentrating their aura into a point between their hands, but...  
  
"Ranma!"  
  
The pigtailed boy sighed, and turned to look at Shampoo, "I'd rather be alone right now, if you don't mind..."  
  
"Shampoo mind too, too much!" She snapped back, with her hands on her hips, "Where you go?"  
  
"Leave me alone," Ranma replied, turning away.  
  
Shampoo's brow furrowed, "You no ignore me!"  
  
"Look, Shampoo, I'm not in the mood right now! Why don't you go and keep Akane company?"  
  
"Is other woman, isn't it?" Shampoo growled, "Is that Herb princess! You cheat on Shampoo and Akane!"  
  
"WHAT?!?" Ranma screeched, jumping to his feet, "HERB'S A GUY!"  
  
Shampoo's eyes widened in surprise, "So, you is swinging that way? Shampoo never suspect..."  
  
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Ranma shouted, "Shampoo, can we continue this another time?"  
  
"No, you tell Shampoo why you make Akane cry!"  
  
"I didn't make her cry, I..." Ranma was holding Shampoo by the sides of her shoulders suddenly, "Akane's crying? Why?"  
  
Shampoo's eyes turned hard, so hard, they almost seemed to shatter, before Shampoo's expression turned to complacent and guileless, "What Shampoo say about touching Shampoo when boy-type?"  
  
"Ah..." Ranma immidiately let go of her, and backed away before he earned her usual violent way of her reminding him, "I didn't mean to!"  
  
Shampoo waved her hand to dismiss it, while tapping her foot, "Is no problem, Shampoo talk to you later..." With that, Shampoo walked out of the dojo.  
  
"Hey, wait a sec, why is Akan-" Ranma was cut off, as the piece of the floorboard that Shampoo tapped her foot on, came loose, rose up, and smacked him in the face.  
  
"Ouch."  
___________________  
  
"Hey, Shampoo, wait!"  
  
The Amazon stopped, turning to Ranma with a curious expression, also stopping the way she was idly tossing a pebble up and down in her hand, "What you want?"  
  
"Something wrong with Akane? Ya gotta tell me!"  
  
Shampoo blinked, before she got an expression of reccollection, "Ohhh, is okay. Akane get over it eventually."  
  
"Get over what? She ain't sick, is she?" Ranma asked, getting nervous.  
  
"Akane fine," Shampoo replied, almost flippantly, before turning away, and continuing to the Cat Cafe.  
  
"First, you get angry because Akane's upset, and now you blow it oooOOOOOOMPH!"  
  
"Ranma too, too clumbsy," Shampoo chided, not bothering to turn around. Ranma reached under him, and found the pebble he had slipped on. Ranma rubbed his behind, before shooting to his feet, and landing on a rake that he could have sworn wasn't in front of him previously.  
___________________  
  
"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, PUMPKIN..."  
  
"Pumpkin? Why are you calling her 'pumpkin'?"  
  
"Hold on, I can explain to the both of ya. I..."  
  
::BLAM BLAM BLAM::  
  
Well, that was rather... something, wasn't it? I guess the word I'm looking for is... seemingly pointless.  
___________________  
  
"Shampoo back!" the young Amazon called out, as she walked by Akane, observing her great Grandmother cook, and kissed her on the cheek. "Shampoo have talk with Ranma, everything fine now."  
  
"Thanks, Shampoo." Akane's brows furrowed, "What was wrong?"  
  
"It not important," Shampoo stated, just as the entrance to the restuarant opened. Akane gasped, Cologne blinked, and Shampoo took a taste of what her Great Grandmother was preparing.  
  
"Um... son-in-law..." Cologne enquired.  
  
Ranma relocated his shoulder with a wince, and then removed the bananna peel from his head, "Ah... little accident on the way here..."  
  
"RANMA!" Akane shouted, snapping out of her shock, "I've missed you!"  
  
Ranma blushed slightly, "Well, um, than-HEY!"  
  
Akane blinked, "Ranma, why'd you move?"  
  
"YOU JUST TRIED TO SPLASH ME!" the still pigtailed *boy* shouted, while clutching tenatiously to the ceiling.  
  
Akane looked down at her now empty water glass, "Yeah?"  
  
"forget it, Akane!" Ranma growled, dropping back to look at the other girl levelly, "She ain't coming out to play for a while, if I can help it!"  
  
"But..." was all Akane could get out.  
  
"It ain't gonna work, Akane, so you can put those tears away!"  
  
"I just..." Akane started to sniffle. But instead of usually caving in...  
  
"Sorry, you're just gonna have to go it alone, tonight." Ranma remained firm, using the memory of the previous days as an anchor.  
  
Akane bowed her head, and began to sniffle, but before she could get the full works, Shampoo intervined.  
  
"Akane no worry, Shampoo keep company," The Amazon stated, setting two bowls of ramen on the table, "Now let Shampoo take you upstairs to clean up. Tears making make-up run."  
  
"But I'm not wearing any make-up!"  
  
"You should, make Akane too, too beautiful, yes?"  
  
"Wha?" Ranma went in pursuit, only to find that the table he was standing by *conveniently* was placed right in his path. Ranma managed to *conveniently* bump into the weak, broken leg of it, causing the table to *conveniently* tilt in his direction, thus causing the bowls of steaming, scalding, quite frankly, HOT ramen to *conveniently* slide down into his lap, while the table's corner itself *conveniently* slammed into his foot.  
  
There seems to be a running theme there...  
  
"I've been meaning to get that fixed permenantly," Cologne stated idly.  
___________________  
  
Ranma grumbled, as he nursed his scalded crotch, "Stupid, clumbsy, violent chick..."  
  
"You say something, Son-in-law?" Cologne enquired, after retrieving a mop and bucket.  
  
"Yeah, I think your great-granddauther's trying to kill me or something!"  
  
Cologne paused, and blinked at this, "Nonsense, but... what makes you come to this conclusion?"  
  
"It's nothing," Ranma placated, "I've just been having weird accidents all morning, that's all."  
  
"All around Shampoo, I presume?" the old woman pryed.  
  
"It ain't her fault, I know. I'm just catching Akane's clumbsiness or something."  
  
"Perhaps," Colgone handed Ranma the mop and bucket.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You spilled it, you clean it, sonny-boy," Cologne stated, as she headed upstairs. Ranma blinked a few times, before setting to task disgruntally.  
___________________  
  
"I don't understand why Ranma's being so vehimant about this, now," Akane said to herself more than to the other girl.  
  
"No worry about Ranma, he is being too, too stubborn." Shampoo stated, while reading a Hong Kong print manga on her bedding.  
  
"Maybe so, but This still isn't really like him." Akane turned around in the chair she was sitting in to look directly at Shampoo, "Something spooked him big time, we have to find out what it is."  
  
"If Akane say so," Shampoo replied, not even looking up.  
  
"Shampoo," Cologne walked into the room she and Shampoo shared, and nodded to Akane, "Are you having a problem with Son-in-Law?"  
  
Shampoo looked up, and blinked, "Shampoo have no problem."  
  
"Oh," the matriarch dallied on the thought a bit, "so I don't suppose you're initiating the three year death, are you?"  
  
"Great Grandmother, what that?" Cologne looked closely at Shampoo's guileless and innocent face.  
  
"Three year death?" Akane repeated, curious, and a bit concerned  
  
"Whenever an Amazon woman reaches a certain point with a male, wether it be their husband, brother, boyfriend, or possibly even son, their anger is so great, it cannot be released at once. Thus, begins the dreaded Three Year Death." Cologne turned to walk out the room, "Shampoo, I know son-in-law can be irritating at times, but please, spare him for a bit."  
  
"Shampoo not know what Great Grandmother talk about."  
  
"Mmm, perhaps not, maybe I'm just being paranoid," Cologne left the room. Akane turned to look at Shampoo again, who was occupied in her manga.  
  
"Shampoo..."  
  
Shampoo looked up with a smile, "Yes, Akane-chan?"  
  
"You're not mad at Ranma anymore, are you?"  
  
Shampoo thought on it a bit, "No, Shampoo no mad at boy-type."  
  
"You sure about that?"  
  
"Is positive."  
  
"Good, because I wouldn't want you to do anything rash."  
  
"Akane worry too much. Want cuddle?"  
___________________  
  
Ranma grumbled, but finished mopping, just as Cologne came back downstairs, "Hey, it wasn't my fault! Why did I have to do this?"  
  
"Well, who's fault is it?" the elderly woman asked, curiously. Ranma kept quiet for a few moments, before something popped into mind.  
  
"Old Ghoul... ouch... whaddya do that for?"  
  
"Respect your elders, sonny-boy!"  
  
Ranma considered it, since he was asking her a rather important question, "Ah... those blasts Herb was throwing around, how did he do them?"  
  
Cologne tilted her head, "Oh? Why would you like to know?"  
  
"I just... well, I kinda think I can do one..."  
  
Cologne stared, before demanding, "spit it out, Ranma."  
  
"Well, when I was... her... I... threw one at Herb..."  
  
Cologne stared, before replying, "And you're still breathing, impressive!"  
  
"Huh? Are those blasts supposed to hurt you pretty bad, or something?"  
  
"No, I mean you attacked Herb, and you're still alive. I would have suspected that there would not be enough left of you to fill a catfood can, much less be fully intact."  
  
Ranma's eyes narrowed at the comment, "I held my own against her... him, and won, you old Ghoul!"  
  
Cologne stared, before she busted up laughing. As she rolled around the ground, pounding her fists against the floorboards, and choking on lack of air, Ranma started to become irritated, "What's so funny?"  
  
"Ah... something I just heard," Cologne placated, while getting herself under control "It was a bit of a delayed reaction."  
  
"You don't believe me, do you?"  
  
"It doesn't matter what I believe at the moment," the Amazon Matriarch waved the question off, "Herb is a master of ki, and the blasts he utilizes were developed from his own life force."  
  
"Whoa, I did that? Isn't that dangerous?" Ranma enquired, considering the consequences of shooting off your own life energy."  
  
"It can be," Cologne mused, "Such as the roaring lion bullet, which is focused by despair and anger. It causes the utilizer to fall deeper into a pit of anguish, making it easier to use the technique, but at the cost of their happiness and self-peace."  
  
"Man, but Herb didn't seem to be having problems with it."  
  
"Well, there are less dangerous ki force techniques. You said you managed to do one?"  
  
"Ah, yeah, but I'm not sure how," Ranma admitted, once again thinking back.  
  
"Interesting, very interesting indeed. Well, I can train you in various ways of achieving such techniques, but I think it would be best if we investigate this further."  
  
Ranma was about to speak up, but decided against it, "Anyway, I think me and Akane better head on out, now, before we're missed."  
  
"Why don't you go on ahead, and let Akane stay the night here? I think she would make Shampoo good company for the evening." Ranma's face soured a bit.  
  
"I... guess."  
  
Cologne nodded, before showing Ranma to the door, "Oh, and one more thing, Son-in-law. It may be within your best intrests if you kept a distance from Shampoo for a little while. I can't offer you reason for such precaution, but it may be prudent." Ranma begrudgingly nodded, before heading off.  
___________________  
  
Later on that night...  
  
"What did you say, Shampoo?" Akane asked, with an irritated, yet satisfied tone. She turned up to look at Shampoo's face from where her head rested on the other girl's chest.  
  
"Just cuddling," Shampoo almost purred, as she adjusted herself.  
  
Cologne pulled off her headphones, which were going at full blast, "Might I suggest you two retire to the storage room whenever you're feeling rambungious? Some of us would like to sleep without having to endure your activities..." 


	44. Three Year Little Death pt 2

Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho  
'Three year Little Death' Pt 2  
  
  
"Akane? You here?" Ranma called out, just as he entered the Cat Cafe that morning. His line of sight found Shampoo preparing for opening.  
  
"Airen still sleep," Shampoo said, idly, as she continued to straighten out the tablecloths, "She too, too tired from last night."  
  
"Ah, okay. Mind if I hang out for a bit until she gets up," Ranma enquired, "I kinda wanna make it up to her and you for yesterday. I just had a little bit on my mind, ya know?"  
  
"Shampoo understand, Ranma little mind occupied yesterday," Shampoo replied, not really paying much attention, as she put her concentration into making sure the bottle of light soy sauce was properly aligned with the salt shaker.  
  
"Gee, thanks," Ranma started towards Shampoo, "I mean, I really am sor-" Ranma wasn't particularly clumbsy, it was just that one commonly expected there not to be a broom laying in their pathway on a restaurant floor, just barely obstructed by tablecloths. Ranma flailed his arms about, only managing to snag the tablecloth of the table ahead of him. As his arms slipped downward, his jaw slammed into the table's edge. The table sharply tipped over, launching the fork on the opposite side into the air with enough velocity to riccochet off the ceiling, and rebound towards Ranma's derrier.  
  
Shampoo only threw a scant, unconcerned, sideways glance towards her husband by Amazon Law, before turning back to twist the table she was at two millimeters to the right, "Ranma be more careful, yes?"  
  
Ranma groaned, as he yanked the fork from his butt, and sat up, "I'll... try to remember that."  
  
Shampoo finally turned to look fully towards him, and huffed in disgust, "Look what Ranma do! Shampoo spend full twelve minutes making table too, too just right!"  
  
"Perhaps if a seemingly strategically placed *broom* were not at fault, we both would be satisfied right now!" Ranma retorted, rubbing his jaw.  
  
Shampoo blinked, and looked down, "Oh! That where Shampoo leave it!"  
  
The young Amazon bent down to pick it up, just as Akane walked downstairs. "Shampoo, I had to borrow a pair of your panties, I can't seem to find mine... Ranma?"  
  
"Oh, is okay!" Shampoo chirped, as she suddenly jolted to standing, turned away from Ranma. Incidentally, the broom's handle had been slung over her shoulder, and 'accidentally' uppercut Ranma, launching him into the air, and then down onto his back.  
  
"Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked, with heavy concern in her voice. She rushed downstairs to check on the pigtailed boy.  
  
Shampoo blinked, before turning around to find Ranma rolling around on the ground, clutching his pained jaw. "Why Ranma on floor?" Shampoo asked with an irritated voice, "Shampoo just sweep!"  
  
"Would you watch it with that thing?" Ranma growled, coming back to standing. Shampoo paid his angered retort no mind.  
  
"Ranma say he to something nice for us today, make up for being bastard yesterday," Shampoo stated with a smile towards Akane, while pulling the broom from her shoulder. Ranma frowned, noticing that the lavender-haired girl didn't smile at him like that at any time.  
  
Akane looked to Ranma, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma, I know you were upset about something yesterday. You don't have to do this."  
  
"Ah..." Ranma started, "That's okay. We can hang out, you know? Just the three of us fian... fi... friends."  
  
Akane's expression became downcast, not going unnoticed by Shampoo. "Aiyah," The Chinese native exclaimed, wrinkling her nose, "Akane still smell like last night. "You no take bath, yes?"  
  
"Well, I didn't want to trouble you, I was going to wait till I got home to bathe," Akane replied, sheepishly.  
  
"Shampoo have no of that! Akane go upstairs and bathe!" The amazon demanded, "Shampoo home is Airen home!"  
  
"I guess I do smell a bit," Akane twisted her nose, realizing how much she probably did stink.  
  
Shampoo tossed the broom away, right into Ranma's direction. Before the pigtailed boy could react, the tip of the handle connected with a males more prominant sensitive point, causing him to clutch himself and double over in pain. Shampoo and Akane both turned to Ranma's high pitched screech in confusion.  
  
"Ranma too... too accident prone this morning," Shampoo mused, as she lead her wife by Amazon Law towards the stairs.  
  
"Shouldn't we check to make sure he's okay?" Akane asked.  
  
"No, sure Ranma okay," Shampoo replied, taking Akane's hand, and leading her upstairs.  
  
"Hey, wait..." Ranma groaned out a pained reply, and started for both girls. After two strides, his leading foot slid against something thin and cottony, and his forward momentum sent him sailing into an uncontrolled backflip, ending by him landing on the side of his neck.  
  
"Ah..." Akane stated, blushing, "That's where you tossed my panties to. We really should have waited to start when we got upstairs..."  
  
"Hmm, must have fallen out of Shampoo pocket." Shampoo stated with a shrug.  
  
"I really wish you would stop stealing my used panties after every time we get intimate." Akane asked with a blush.  
  
"Well, you is wearing my panties, is fair trade, yes?" They both ascended the stairs, forgetting about the groaning boy on the restaurant floor. From the kitchen, Cologne narrowed her eyes from the events she had just witnessed.  
____________________________________  
  
"I have shamed myself in  
the eyes of God.And for this,  
I am afraid I have to seek   
atonement. Do not bother coming   
to look for me, for I can not  
spend the time in the forseeable  
future to comfort you. Your  
grandparents would be happy to   
invite you back into your lives,  
but please, don't go crawling  
to that bastard fuck-head of a  
father of yours... Oh, I also  
left dinner in the fridge for  
you. It's your favorite,  
meatloaf with olives smothered  
in tomato sauce.  
  
Love, Mom."  
  
  
Wow! Yet another ominous scene of forshadowing? What could this seemingly off-center and apparently pointless letter possibly mean...?  
____________________________________  
  
Crossing through the food-court of the mall, Ranma walked a few paces behind Akane and Shampoo, as they conversed freely with each other. He somewhat found it upsetting that he wasn't wholly included in their conversation, but was for the most part relieved. He still wasn't sure how to relate to the two main girls of his life, regardless of how they saw their status with him, and decided that he'll be happy as long as they were happy.  
  
Besides which, after the rotating door incident at the mall, Ranma decided staying a few paces behind Shampoo was the safest he could be without setting off suspicions.  
  
Akane glanced back with a slight pout, "Ranma, why are you back there? I thought you wanted to spend the day with us."  
  
Shampoo turned around, and looked at Ranma with a dry expression, "Shampoo think husband embarrased to be seen with two too, too beautiful womans." Shampoo's expression turned into a sly smirk, "Maybe husband prefers mans? Know Pig-boy too, too much want-"  
  
Akane quickly silence Shampoo with a deep kiss, while shifting her eyes nervously to a puzzled Ranma.  
  
Ranma turned away, studying the growing crowd of boys pointedly, and not the two girls in front of him making out. When he actually notied the boys, Ranma started to flex his fists menacingly, to ward off any that decided to become brave.  
  
Shampoo broke away with a dreamy expression, before shaking it off, "Akane-chan, Shampoo no mind, but confused. Akane say she no like Shampoo making... you say 'PDA'?"  
  
"Ah..." Akane stumbled, trying to find something to say. She decided that a distraction away from that topic would do best. Akane turned and glared at the young and old men... and a few young and old women, staring at them with pointed intrest, "YOU MIND? THIS IS A PRIVATE INTIMATE MOMENT!"  
  
"Gee, maybe you two should have those moments... in private?" Ranma drolled, before concentrating on Shampoo, "Who's 'Pig-boy'? Ryoga? What would Ryoga be too happy to-"  
  
"I'M IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM, YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM?" Akane loudly interjected.  
  
Thankfully, Ranma lost his train of thought at the interruption, "Na, no thanks. Guys don't eat that junk, remember?"  
  
"Oh, that's easily taken care of!" Akane announced, picking up a conveniently left behind cup of melted ice water from a nearby table that hadn't been cleaned.  
  
Ranma saw the liquid rushing towards him in slow motion, despite the actual speed it was heading at him in. On sheer reflex and near-paranoid fear, he reached to the side, grabbing onto the plastic tablecloth of one of the other nearby tables, and spun around, wrapping himself in it. The dangerous liquid bounced off the cover, leaving the person inside dry, much to his relief; though he wouldn't feel the relief until much later.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?" shouted Ranma, peaking his head from the makeshift hood of the tablecloth.  
  
Akane staggered at his outburst, "I... I thought that if you were a girl, you-"  
  
"NO, you *DIDN'T* think! Did you even CARE about my opinion on it?" Ranma interrupted, furious about the close call. It took him several moments to realize Akane tearing up, just before she pushed past him, running away.  
  
Shampoo's face darkened when Ranma had shouted, but grew extremely concerned when Akane took off running, "Akane-airen, you wait up!" As she ran past Ranma, in her rush, she managed to back-fist him in the face... unintentionally... of course... maybe...  
  
Ranma spun twice on his heel, before falling back, clutching his eye in agony. Something soft and firm broke his fall.  
  
"YOU PIG!!!" the owner of said soft and firm item, which happened to be a well endowed feminine chest, screamed in outrage.  
  
"Ah, sorry..." Ranma turned, and looked at the... woman... with his good eye, "miss...? You're a 'miss', right?"  
  
The large, hairy apelike woman of obvious European descent who was dressed exessively in black leather laden over-indulgently with zippers, who hadn't indulged in the concept of 'bathing' since possibly the last breakout of the beubonic plague, grabbed the lapels of Ranma shirt, "You little testosterone leaking punk! Mebbe I should teach you a lesson on how to treat a lady properly!"  
  
Ranma gave the... female... a half-lidded stare, as he cocked his fist back, "Put me down."  
  
"Or what?"  
  
Ranma blinked, and turned to find twelve more similar beings, for lack of a better word, standing behind him. With a nervous grin, Ranma replied, "Or I'll scream 'rape'?"  
____________________________________  
  
"Akane and Shampoo here?"  
  
Cologne turned to find Ranma staggering in with the assistance of a walking staff, looking a little more worse for wear, "Why yes, they're both upstairs at the moment. I presume that Akane's current mood was of your doing?"  
  
"Hey! It's not like I did it on purpose! Besides, it was her fault anyways!" Ranma retorted, while wincing from the bruised ribs, courtesy of a meaty fist reinforced with brass knuckles.  
  
"Well, my I ask a moment of your time?" Cologne requested, sitting down to a table. Ranma hesitantly sat down on the opposite end of the table; the hesitation more out of the aches he was feeling than cautiousness. "If you don't mind me for noticing, Son-in-law, you look like the Hells."  
  
"Heh, you should see the other thirteen guys... girls... whatever," Ranma stated with a cocky grin, before wincing, "Well, even before they decided to mess with me, they were a sight to sore eyes."  
  
Cologne nodded, not really caring in the least about a common brawl, "Son-in-Law, have you noticed yourself falling victim to rather painful accidents, only when Shampoo is conveniently about?"  
  
"Yeah," Ranma mumbled, "Your uncute daughter-in-law's a jinx... OW! Whaddya do that for?"  
  
"General principle," Colonge replied, lowering her staff, "Anyhow, she is not a jinx... well, not an 'unintentional' jinx."  
  
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"  
  
"Among the Amazons lies a technique," the elderly Matriarch started, grimly, "It is a great one that requires patience and a great deal of cunning. It was developed as a way to punish impetuous husbands when they have tormented their signifigant others for far too long. This technique is commenced over a period of three years, to which the spouse would cleverly inconvenience the husband until their demise. It is really a guileful attack, that can only be initiated when an Amazon has become utterly intolerable of their husband."  
  
"Ah..." Ranma started in comprehension, "I kinda figured she was trying to make my life Hell intentionally. So she's doing this Three Year Death thing to me? How do I counter-"  
  
"She isn't utilizing the Three Year Death, unfortunately," Cologne interjected, "The Three Year Death is intentional, meaning she has to be concious of utilizing it. I've already confronted her about it twice now, and she is insistant that she isn't trying to intentionally kill you."  
  
"Gee, that's swell, so it is all by accident," Ranma replied with a half-lidded stare.  
  
"Quite correct. Shampoo is currently utilizing a variant that is brought on more by neglect than irritation, the Three Year *Little* Death."  
  
"Huh, so what makes this a bigger problem?" Ranma enquired, feeling a serious sense of foreboding.  
  
"Well, the reason it is called the Three Year Little Death is because it lacks the severity of its more powerful form, as it is a simple case of the husband merely screwing his spouse silly. Once fully satiated, the technique is countered."  
  
"Oh," Ranma replied. Sure, his cursed form had done Shampoo, Akane, and probably half of Nerima by now, but Ranma himself was extremely uncomfortable with the subject of sexual intercourse; most likely because of his cursed form, "So... I have to, um, do *that* with Shampoo... in order to get her to stop?" Ranma blushed furiously, "Heh... um... sounds easy... heh heh..."  
  
Cologne humored him with a half lidded glare, "Son-in-Law, I think you're forgetting a slight obstacle to this solution..."  
-------------  
  
"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.  
  
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."  
  
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."  
  
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.  
-------------  
  
"Ranma, I must request for you to stop, it's unnerving the customers," Cologne asked, "Make yourself useful, and take this order to table four." Ranma didn't obey immidiately, still indulding in the urge to hammer his cranium into the wooden table he and Cologne had been sitting at.  
____________________________________  
  
Ranma looked down at the glass of water sitting on the kitchen table before him. It would solve the problem easily; his girl side was much more able to control, and satisfy Shampoo. He groaned, and considered the complications it would bring up. The pigtailed boy was positive that his cursed side would fight just as hard to keep from becoming a boy after changing, as he was from becoming a girl. The only thing that had stopped him from heading straight for China was a conveniently placed TRILLIONS OF GALLONS of COLD WATER sitting between him and the land of the Middle Kingdom. And, for his cursed side, she would have a much easier time avoiding hot water than he did cold.  
  
His contemplations were interrupted, as Shampoo and Akane came in the room, wearing only robes, and looking for a nice bit of liquid refreshment. "Ranma-sam... Ranma," Akane acknowledged in a slightly subdued manner.  
  
"Uh, I guess you guys are... um... done, huh?" Ranma asked, nervously trying to approach the subject.  
  
"Well... not really," Akane replied, blushing slightly, as Shampoo rubbed her co-wife's bottom intimately, "We just needed to get something to drink first... before continuing."  
  
"Oh," Ranma looked at the glass before him, and gestured to it, "Well, one of you girls can have this. I'm not... really thirsty myself."  
  
"Hmm, thanks Ranma," Akane looked to Shampoo, "You can have that one, I'll go get my own."  
  
Ranma watched, as Akane got some water from the kitchen faucet, and observed Shampoo drinking from the one he had prepared earlier. He watched Shampoo's throat softly ripple, as the cool liquid pourd down her throat. She idly reached back behind her neck, and swished her hair from where it was slightly caught in the robe. Akane came to stand next to her, leaning against the other girl, and glanced at Ranma, curiously.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" Akane asked with genuine concern that gave Ranma a warmed feeling. The way the two girls were standing together, both so different, yet so at ease with each other didn't go unnoticed by him. They definitely looked cute, still slightly flushed from previous activites, and wearing only robes that hid totally naked forms undernieth. Any guy would be thanking any potential deities in existance to be associated with such two lovely looking young women, and the thought that they both lay claim to him filled Ranma with a confident resolve.  
  
"Well," Ranma started, putting his newfound confidence to use, "I was kinda hoping... when you two go back upstairs... if I can join ya?"  
  
Both Akane and Shampoo wiped their mouths from the exess water that had been projected from their mouths, and then looked up with their own shocked expressions to a jolted Ranma, clinging to the ceiling from dodging, just narrowly, said water that had been expulged in his direction.  
  
"Ah... are you sure, Ranma?" Akane asked, "I mean, we're upstairs having wild and torrent sex. Nothing you would be interested in."  
  
"Shampoo thought husband in closet," Shampoo stated, shocked at the inquiry. Akane elbowed Shampoo in the ribs, earning a apologetic wince from Shampoo .  
  
"Huh? Whaddya mean?" Ranma asked, dropping down from his firm grasp above them. He stood patiently, as Akane and Shampoo picked themselves up from the unintentional faceplant after Ranma's inquiry.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Akane asked, readjusting her robe, "You... really want to..." she blushed, realizing that Ranma would be the only other guy she had ever been with other than Dr. Tofu, "with us?" Off to the side, Shampoo's eyes narrowed, as she began to grit her teeth.  
  
"Well," Ranma started, you are... by Amazon Law, I mean... well... you know?"  
  
"Ranma want stick eight-track cassette in Shampoo and Akane deck player?"  
  
Ranma and Akane both turned to Shampoo, just then noticing her rummage through Kasumi's knife drawer...  
____________________________________  
  
"Look at it this way, Son-in-Law," Cologne started, polishing a glass idly, as Ranma stared up at the soldier's spear that had decorated the wall he had bumped into, after accidentally getting sprayed in the face by a bottle of Windex while Shampoo was cleaning the windows, "At least you know she misses your attentions."  
  
Ranma groaned, and used the pair of chopsticks he was utilizing to catch the head of the spear from beheading him to toss the spear to the side. He resolved that he would find a way to conter Shampoo's unconcious attack, without having to resort to his cursed form. How long his resolve would hold out remained to be seen... 


	45. Three Year Little Death pt 3

Ranma the Amorous, Oversexed Nympho  
Chapter 45  
'Three Year Little Death, Pt 3  
Ranma looked below him from the top of the building with a grim expression. His eyes observed the two girls below him, one of which was his prime target. He had an objective, one that he was determined to see through, lest it mean his death.  
  
His eyes narrowed, as he watched the young women chat with each other animatedly, while walking along the wall of a nearby construction sight. They were oblivious to him, good. Ranma sensed his time to strike, and pulled the water-proof cloak tighter around him, lest the wind resistance hinder his momentum. With a precarious leap, unheading of his own safety, the pigtailed martial artist dove towards the girls, and lightly bounded off the brick wall next to them, and landed with a kneel before the two. "Akane..." Ranma acknowledged with a firm voice, keeping his head bowed within the hood of his cloak, before lifting his head to greet his current target. "Shampoo," Ranma's voice held a certain gratitude at her presence.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Akane and Shampoo screamed in unison, before simultaniously throwing their arms up in shock, and then bringing them down, slamming the pigtailed boy into the concrete sidewalk with a mace an mallet respectively.  
  
Both Akane and Shampoo blinked, before handing each other back their respective weapons. "So, you keep it hidden there, too?" Akane enquired with a surprised lilt.  
  
Shampoo nodded, "Maybe Shampoo and Akane no switch underwear after hot sex, yes?"  
  
"HEY!!!" Ranma shouted, ignoring the two large lumps forming under his hood, "Is that any way to greet your, um..." Ranma blushed a bit under his cowl, "...husband...?"  
  
"Why you is trying to scare us, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, stuffing her weapon back into a secure (and possibly a bit uncomfortable) place.  
  
"Ranma? Why are you wearing that?" Akane asked doing the same with her own weapon.  
  
Ranma turned to Akane, "I need it to keep from getting wet, alright?"  
  
"Why are you trying to keep from getting wet?" Akane asked, "Why won't you change into your girl form?"  
  
"Because I *CAN'T*, alright?" Ranma retorted, feeling a bit of his exasperation from just after the Herb incident, and giving his reply a bit more heat than he actually wanted. Akane visibly shrank from the outburst, not that it went noticed by Ranma, because he didn't notice it.  
  
The pigtailed boy regained his composure, before continuing, "Ah... Akane?"  
  
The girl in question straightened back up, "Yes, Ranma-sam... Ranma?"  
  
"Could you, maybe, give me and Shampoo a few moments of privacy?"  
  
Apparently only Shampoo and Akane heard the loud, thundering crash of Akane's heart turning to stone, and slamming into the pavement they stood on with terminal velocity. With only a nod, and a barely audible sniffle, Akane continued down the sidewalk to leave Shampoo and Ranma alone.  
  
"Ahem," Ranma cleared his throat, before turning his full attention to Shampoo, "Shampoo... er... chan... there are some things I think we, um, need to... hello?"  
  
Shampoo was staring past Ranma almost longingly, before she snapped her attention back to the pigtailed boy, "What Ranma say? It wait till later, Shampoo catch up with Akane!" With that, the young Amazon shoved Ranma to the side, before rushing after her Amazon wife with a concerned expression.  
  
"Waitaminute!" Ranma exclaimed, turning to pursue, before Shampoo's second mace slammed into the crown of his head. The pigtailed boy staggered in a daze, before resting his arm against the nearby brick wall. Was unfortunate that the wall wasn't firm, and collapsed under his weight. As Ranma fell into the pile of bricks, the bricks from the side tipped over onto him and into the yard. One brick incidentally hit the leber for the cement mixer nearby, causing it to dump it's mixing load onto a nearby troth, and spilling it onto Ranma.  
  
Shampoo rushed back, and retrieved her second bonbori from the ground away from the pile, "That where Shampoo lose it... no keep it in same place as other bonbori.." Shampoo muttered something in Mandarin, before blushing furiously, and walked away, wiping the sticky and somewhat crusty handle of her weapon with a tissue from her pocket. Under the pile of bricks and quick-drying cement, a faint groan was heard.  
  
"Akane?"  
  
The youngest Tendou daughter stopped, and turned to Shampoo with a misty eyed, but valiant attempt for a smile, "Yeah, I'm okay. What did Ranma want to talk to you about?"  
  
Shampoo shrugged, "He no say. Akane sure is okay?"  
  
"You can make it better," Akane whispered slightly, while blushing.  
  
"You is insatable," Shampoo said with exasperation, before smiling back at Akane, "Is about time! Shampoo get tired of Akane only wanting to cuddle!"  
___________________  
  
The middle-aged, divorced man ran, refusing to allow his tired legs to stop. Whenever he felt the urge to give into his exertion, he recalled the atrocity that had been committed just only a few minutes prior.  
  
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" he cried out in frantic English, the native language of the country he live in. Well the frantic part notwithstanding, anyways. Unfortunately for him, most Americans were a bit hesitant to help a nude man streaking down the street.  
  
Even over his shouts, even over the pounding of his heart, deafening to his ears, he knew his pursuer was still upon him. With absolute fear, he pushed himself harder, faster, past his very limits, well beyond-  
  
::BADUMP-BUMP!!!::  
  
Unfortunately, as fast as he pushed himself, and as aerodynamically... inclined he was without proper attire, he wasn't going to outrun a hummer barreling down on him.  
  
Hmm, these snippits are obviously leading somewhere, huh?  
___________________  
  
Ranma was far from defeated, as he thought over the mistakes he had made in his last confrontation. Shampoo blew him off totally, more concerned with being around Akane than hearing what he had to say. With that thought in mind, he figured that the fault lay in giving her the option of escaping.  
  
"This time, Shampoo, you *will* hear me out!" Ranma challenged, gripping his fist tightly in determination.  
  
Cologne looked from where she was working in the kitchen, and shook her head. She picked up a pair of chopsticks, and pelted Ranma in the back of his head, "Son-in-Law, how about you prove yourself helpful, and take these orders to table number two?"  
  
Ranma remained standing with his fist clutched, and his back turned to Cologne, still in his posture of assured victory. Unfortunately, his eyebrow twitching erradically from having his dramatic scene ruined, contradicted said pose.  
___________________  
  
"Hello, Shampoo," Ranma said sinisterly, surprising the girl and her companion, as they were sharing each other's icecream cones. Before she had time to react, she found the icecream cone removed from her hand, and bound tightly in rope.  
  
Akane blinked, holding Shampoo's icecream after Ranma quickly handed it to her, while watching both her loves disappear around the corner.  
  
"What was that all about?" Akane asked.  
  
"AIYAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! RAPE!!!! YOU NO STICK YOUR STRAW IN SHAMPOO BOTTLE OF YAHOO!!!"  
  
Akane stood in place, listening to the sound of strong rope ripping, and flesh being throttled into submission.  
  
Ranma crawled from around the corner, whimpering, before Shampoo followed, and walked on him to get to Akane. "Shampoo take are of pervert who prey upon helpless womens," the lavender haired girl stated, dusting her hands off, "Shampoo thank airen for saving icecream."  
  
"But that was Ranma..." Akane pointed to the battered shell of a martial artist laying at their feet. Shampoo blinked, and looked down.  
  
"Oh, hi Ranma." She then took her icecream from Akane, "Akane give Shampoo hand, Shampoo lick dippy, sticky mess from fingers, yes?"  
  
Ranma groaned in defiance.  
___________________  
  
"Okay, so tying Shampoo up, and hanging her from a light post wasn't the best of ideas," Ranma mused from his seat at the Cat-Cafe.  
  
Cologne groaned, from where she was wiping tables, and decided it may be past time to speak up, "Son-in-law, perhaps you may be missing the problem..."  
  
"Maybe I should use chains... no, she's gonna be expecting something like that," Ranma pondered, knitting his brow in contemplation.  
  
"I would strongly suggest against any further attempts to bind my Great-granddaughter..."  
  
"Hmm, all women like to be... I GOT IT!!!"  
  
"Maybe you should talk to Akane... and..." Cologne trailed off, as Ranma rushed out the door, "...have... her talk... to... ah well." With that, she went back to cleaning up the restaurant during the afternoon's lull.  
___________________  
  
"Shampoo!!!"  
  
Akane and Shampoo turned to Ranma's voice, before the former's expression turned somewhat sorrowful, while the latter groaned in irritation.  
  
"Shampoo! I LOVE YOU!!!"  
  
Both girls froze, and then looked at each other in confusion.  
  
"What you say?"  
  
Ranma caught up with the two puzzled girls, and clasped Shampoo's hands together in his. The young amazon was surprised to find her hand now grasping a bouquet.  
  
"Shampoo," Ranma started, staring into her eyes, "I'm sorry I've been neglecting ya. Could you ever forgive me?"  
  
::CRASH!!::  
  
Shampoo turned to the tell-tale sound of a heart that had just barely been mended, shattering upon the ground like cheap china. Akane stood ackwardly, eyes brimming with tears. Unable to bear the seeming indifference Ranma had been showing her, Akane turned, and ran.  
  
Shampoo turned back to Ranma, who seemed only determinately concentrated on her, and felt a sudden calmness, even satisfaction over what Ranma had said to her, wash through her being.  
  
"Shampoo appreciate Ranma words," the lavender haired girl replied, casually, "You keep these safe for Shampoo, is okay?" With that, she handed the bouquet of flowers back to Ranma.  
  
"Ah, su-OW!" Ranma quickly pulled his thumb to his mouth, sucking at the prick a rosethorn gave him.  
  
"Shampoo go after Akane." The Amazon turned, and ran to catch up with Akane, but Ranma himself was far from satisfied with the confrontation; he wanted to be ensured he was safe from furtherly bodily harm from the terrible Three Year Death.  
  
"Shampoo! Wait up!"  
  
"Ranma go help Great-Grandmother close Cat Cafe, yes?" Shampoo called back behind her, as she leapt onto a nearby fence, and onto a nearby rooftop that Akane had jumped onto to get away.  
  
"Shampoo! I told ya I love you!" Ranma reminded, as he gave chase, "Is this any way to act about it?"  
  
"Ranma go home!" Shampoo cried out, beginning to find Ranma's sudden attitude eerily familiar to a certain myopic childhood friend and half-brother. With a shudder, she pushed herself harder to catch up with the headstart Akane had on her.  
  
"But-" Ranma argued, landing on the same spot on the roof Shampoo had, and finding the shingle ome loose under him. With a yelp, Ranma slipped backwards, and landed headfirst off the roof, right into a yard with trained vicious attack dogs.  
  
"Akane!" Shampoo cried out, finally spotting her wife just in the distance. With great determinaton, the Amazon pushed forward, filled with the urge to comfort the obviously upset girl.  
  
"Shampoo!" Ranma cried out, a bit hindered by the large dog that refused to let go of his leg. Finally, after a few shakes, and kicking it against a brick chimney several times, he forced it to dislodge, and picked up the pace to catch the Amazon.  
  
Shampoo groaned in fustration; couldn't Ranma see that she needed to deal with Akane first and foremost? "Ranma leave Shampoo alone!"  
  
"But Shampoo! I love you!" Ranma cried out almost desperately, believing that she didn't truly realize the signifigance of his words.  
  
Shampoo ignored him, and grabbed a lighting rod to stop her forward momentum, as the next roof was a bit too far away to hop to. She leap to the side on another roof, and to the next to continue after Akane.  
  
Ranma noted the same problem, and grasped onto the lighting rod, unfortunately not noticing the gray skies.  
  
Akane continued to run, ignoring the thunder, and allowing her instincts to take pilot, while her mind focused on the fact that Ranma cared more about Shampoo than she did. "It's not fair..."  
  
"AKANE! YOU NO RUN AWAY!" Shampoo shouted out desperately, while barely gaining on her second suiter.  
  
Akane had heard her, but realized Shampoo was the last person she really wanted to deal with, other than Ranma. "just... leave me alone," Akane sobbed, as she dropped to street level. Shampoo swore in Mandarin, before dropping down herself.  
  
Ranma patted the small fires on his clothing down, while growling at almost losing sight of Shampoo. Clutching the now mangled and charred flowers in his hands, Ranma followed the two girls down to street level.  
  
Shampoo stomped her feet in aggrivation, finding that Akane choose her decent location well. The market place was still somewhat teeming with pedestrians, but Shampoo knew she wasn't also one of the best hunters in her tribe by accident.  
  
She checked in each possible direction to find possible reactions of people to a distraught girl, and noted the path where everyone was staring curiously down the way.  
  
Ranma landed in the middle of the marketplace, and whipped his head around in his frantic search. "Shampoo! My love!" He cried out, not noticing how much of an idiot he currently sounded like.  
  
The pigtailed martial artist leapt onto a nearby stand, ignoring the owner's angry remarks. "She's gotta be around here, somewhere..." Ranma mused, before a spot of lavender caught his vision, "There!"  
  
Shampoo turned around, and rolled her eyes at Ranma's tenacity. It was obvious that Ranma's presence wasn't going to be wanted by Akane, so she decided that it would be best to lose him, first.  
  
"Ranma no follow Shampoo anymore!" She rounded a corner abruptly, hoping to shake Ranma. The pigtailed boy would have none of that, as he rounded the corner, and flipped head over heals, when his head collided with a low hanging sign.  
  
The pigtailed martial artist rubbed his face, before kicking back to his feet, and once again giving chase.  
  
Shampoo noticed several concerned mumbles from people, glancing down an alleyway, and decided to investigate. Ranma kept her dead in his sights, and barrelled down the same corridor. Several seconds later, Ranma was frantically running away.  
  
"CAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yes, it is unfortunate that people allow their animals to be without homes," one concerned mumble commented.  
  
"It is a trajedy," another concerned mumble voiced, "they don't deserve to be out on the streets, like that."  
  
"What do you suppose was that young man's problem?" a third concerned voice enquired, as all three speakers turned to the rapidly panicking Ranma; wailing and waving his arms around, attempting to shake loose the couple of cats that frantically clung to him.  
  
Shampoo came to a stop, after finally finding Ranma had given up chase. Unfortunately, she had also lost all sign of Akane. With a derisive snort, Shampoo decided to head back to the market area, and attept to pick up the trail again.  
  
Nearby, Ranma himself finally came to a stop, after having lost the cats that attempted to tear at his sanity. "Aw man..." he groaned, looking at the state of the flowers in his hand. Before he tossed them away, he heard soft sobbing coming from one of the alleys nearby.  
  
Concern warring with his fears, Ranma decided that he was brave enough to help whoever was in need. Upon exploration, he blinked, seeing Akane pressed with her back against the alley wall, with one hand wiping the tears from her face.  
  
"Hey, Akane, are you okay?" Ranma approached the raven-haired girl, eliciting a surprised response.  
  
"Ranma!" Akane stepped from the wall, and away from Ranma with trepidation.  
  
"Something the matter?" Ranma asked again, allowing the full scope of his concern to show in his eyes.  
  
Akane sniffled, and then turned away, "Aren't you supposed to be chasing Shampoo?"  
  
Ranma sighed, knowing that attempting to find Shampoo would be futile now, "Na, she can wait. There's something I think I gotta take care of here, first."  
  
Akane wiped her eyes once more, and looked curiously at the pigtailed boy, "Ranma?"  
  
The young man gave her a caring smirk, "Now that's the cute Akane I like being around. You know I hate to see ya cry'n."  
  
The youngest Tendou daughter gave Ranma a light smile, feeling a bit better, "Thanks, Ranma."  
  
"Ah..." for a few moments, Ranma allowed an ackward pause to pass, "Your welcome, I guess." Taking a deep breath, Ranma walked over to Akane, and put his arm around her shoulder to lead her out of the alleyway, "Let's get home, in case Shampoo misses us there..."  
  
Ranma felt Akane's demeaner began to diminish a bit at the mention of Shampoo's name, but wasn't sure of the reason. It was then he noticed the destroyed bouquet in his free hand, "Um... here..."  
  
Akane looked at Ranma, and then the mangled flowers, before allowing a grateful smile to cross her face. Also at that moment, the sky began it's downpour.  
  
"You're in the penalty box, now..." A certain redhead thought triumphantly.  
___________________  
  
Shampoo scouted around, growing more and more irritated, before she felt an imposing feeling she hadn't really noticed before, a feeling of unconcious ritious fury and urge for vindication, lifted from her being. With a shrug, cataloging the mystery for another time, she continued her search for Akane... and backtracking to locate Ranma at the same time.  
___________________  
  
"...submissive wife refuses to take her rightful vengence, the more aggressive wife or wives may unconciously inherit the technique, becoming the submissive's avatars of justice... as it were..."  
  
Cologne puffed at her pipe, sitting at one of the tables at the Cat Cafe after a long day of work. She continued to read through the tome of Amazon techniques.  
  
"Interesting, a subconcious empathic projection technique... my, it's becoming difficult to keep up with all these techniques and variations. I'll tell Ranma about it in the morning..."  
  
Cologne looked around, suddenly irritated about having to clean the Cat-Cafe by herself after closing, "Then again... I don't think I need to be that much of a hurry, he's got three years, after all..." 


	46. Mother's Love

Ranma the Amorous, Over-Sexed Nympho  
"Thanks, Akane," Ranma-chan replied, as she removed her rubber surgeon's gloves at Akane's desk. She turned back to the raven-haired girl, who was currently strapped to her bed via criss-crossing one inch wide leather straps that bound her spread-eagle, while just strategically providing unintentional modesty. "It's definitely great to be back!"  
  
"Mnm-mm?"  
  
"Hold on a sec..." Ranma approached the prone girl, and moved the strap that was impeding her speech, "You were saying?"  
  
"Why were you... I mean..." Akane's eyes began to tear up, "I missed you."  
  
"I was being a jerk," the redhead replied in a self-irritated tone, before perking up, and sitting on the bed next to Akane, "But don't worry, I plan on being around for a *long* time to make it up to you..." she then turned to Shampoo, who was strapped upside down at an angle against Akane's wall, spread eagle, "and Shampoo-chan."  
  
The lavender-haired girl moaned in either appreciation, or exertion. She would have to be asked when she regained conciousness.  
  
"It's just that, when you told Shampoo that you... and you wouldn't... I mean when I... ooh!"  
  
"I think I get what you're say'n," Ranma turned away from Akane, so she couldn't see her expression, "I really do owe you an apology I guess. I just wasn't in my... right mind." With a sigh, the redhead got up off of the bed, "You ready to try another position?"  
  
"Ah..." Akane baulked, "couldn't we just cuddle?"  
  
"No." Ranma stated, factually.  
  
Akane frowned; her fiancee sure didn't care to beat around any other bushes than the one she wore downstairs, "Can we at least get a break, first?"  
  
"Sure," the pigtailed girl tossed Akane a magazine, making it land on her chest "You get to pick the position while you rest up. I'm gonna wake Shampoo up."  
  
"Hey!" Akane turned back to Ranma, "how am I supposed to turn the pages?"  
  
"Come on, Akane, I know you can be creative when you wanna be," Ranma replied, before the sound of air vibrating followed, "Wake up, sleepy-head!"  
  
Akane turned to Ranma with a half-lidded gaze, "Speaking of uncreative..."  
  
Ranma-chan blinked, before looking at the vibrating rod in her hand, and then scratched the back of her head in a nervous chuckle, "Ah, heh heh... I guess I'm out of practice." With that, she traded the item she was holding for the plunger beside desk. The redhead then suddenly donned an American police officer's outfit, "NYPD Blue?"  
  
Akane managed to start turning the pages with her chin, "It's best when you're doing it in a bathroom stall, and it's just not the same without Dr. Tofu," Akane gave a quick prayer in reverence, "playing the part of the sodomy victi-"  
  
"What was that, Akane-chan?" Ranma equired, still working the handle of the plunger with vasoline.  
  
Akane continued to stare at the page in shock, "Ah, Ranma... your Mom is pretty, um, limber..."  
  
Ranma paused with her attentions to Shampoo, and walked over to Akane with a curious expression. Her eyes found the same page Akane was staring at with some shock and more than a little awe. "Hmm, let's try that position..."  
_______________________  
  
"Oh, that's perfect, Kasumi, you learned a great deal from your mother's instruction!" Nodoka congradulated, as she watched the eldest Tendou daughter. Kasumi beamed the older woman a smile, as she continued stirring the broth with care-taken skill, and the Saotome Matriarch let out a sigh of contentment. Not too long ago, she had been forced to wait earnestly for the return of her son. Her perserverance paid off, as not only did her son return, his male half (and of-times his female half) proved himself to be a man among men, managing to keep no less than two girls at a time satisfied. Well, truthfully, she didn't know of her child's male half, but his female half certainly more than made up for any concerns she could have.  
  
On top of it all, her own family had grown beyond just her own husband and son. The Tendous had welcomed her without any qualms. Akane was just too sweet for words, in Nodoka's opinion, the way she tenderly submitted to her son, and her son's mistress, Shampoo. She was the perfect picture of how a Japanese wife should be.   
  
Kasumi was a dear, taking care of her family without question or fuss. It was a shame that doctor fellow had passed on, Kasumi deserved happiness, at least twice a night. Nodoka secretly wondered how Kasumi could remain so content, most of the time.   
  
Nabiki was a sharp one, easily the most playful of the three daughters, Nodoka thought the girl reminded her of herself, much in her youth. The cunning smile that was strangly matched by guileless eyes, a carefree manner that bordered on flippant while still remaining observative to that around her, and a slender, perfect form that Nodoka presumed would be just tender to all sorts of wicked, erotic indulgences she would like nothing more than to introduce the middle Tendou daughter to, as she strapped her down, stripped her bare, and-  
  
Their father was a good man, a bit of a whining Nancy-boy, but a good man, nonetheless. Nodoka thought of the contrast between the man and her own husband, Genma. She thought of Soun's dark, flowing locks and stark five 'o-clock shadow and complimentin mustache, pitted against her own husband's smooth, polished scalp and clean-shaven face. Soun's slender build (from which, she presumed Nabiki inherited hers, the Tendou Mother, may her spirit be at peace, rather blew up in her later years, before passing... the ill-tempered cow) compared to Genma's burly, stocky physique.  
  
"Oh dear, I think Soun would be much to tight to recieve comfortably..."  
  
"What was that, auntie?" Kasumi asked, glancing up from taste-testing the soup base.  
  
"Oh, nothing, just an old woman musing to herself," Nodoka replied, returning to carefully cutting cucumbers into fine shreds for salad. Oh yes, she was far happier than she had been in her past ten years, even after the short stint with be-  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Oh, yes, Ranma dear?"  
  
Wordlessly, Ranma held up the magazine to a specific page for her mother's viewing, while staring at her parent with a hopeful expression that also demanded explanation.  
  
"Oh dear," Nodoka replied, almost for a loss of words, "I remember this, I would advise against this particular binding technique, as it leaves the right inner thigh a bit numb to sensation for a while. I suppose this was a fine picture, but not particularly one of my favorites."  
  
Ranma blinked, and continued to stare at her mother, while she studied the image.  
  
"Perhaps you should find issue seventy-nine, volume two. I am rather proud of that one, and the ropes didn't even chaff, despite being rough fiber. Truly was that a reputable bind that I would highly reccomend."  
  
"Um... could you show me how to do it?" the plea in Ranma-chan's voice bordered on manic, as she began to stare hungrily at her mother.  
  
The Saotome Matriarch didn't seem to notice the rather improper attention her currently daughter was giving her, "Perhaps later, I must assist Kasumi with preparing dinner." With that, Nodoka patted her child on the head, kissed her on the forehead, and went back to soaking the konbu seweed to be knotted, oblivious to the blank, slightly disturbed stare she was recieving from the eldest Tendou daughter.  
  
With a slight pout, Ranma nodded and walked away. Nodoka hummed to herself, feeling slightly giddy, before freezing. She then turned to Kasumi, to find the girl still staring at her, "Did Nabiki enjoy sticking things in her mouth, when she was a child?"  
_______________________  
  
"Wow, who woulda thought," Nabiki mused, sitting on the couch and looking down at Ranma-chan, Shampoo, and Akane on the floor, looking through various magazines, and finding the Saotome Matriarch in more than a few, "you're mother's a freak! I mean, I always thought that she was just lonely..."  
  
"Yeah, ain't she great?" Ranma chirped, flipping through another page, "Oooh! you can be supported by those?" Ranma turned to look at Shampoo, who whimpered, and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"No way! She did that?" Akane added in exclamation, "And she doesn't even show a bit of sag!"  
  
"You know? I have to wonder if Ranma's promiscuousness stems from her curse, or genetics," Nabiki commented, "And for such an amorous woman, how did she hook up with a slob like your father?"  
  
All four girls turned their contemplative expressions to the two men playing go on the porch.  
  
"They're giving us that look again, Saotome," Tendou stated, not looking up from the game.  
  
"We're not gay!" Genma called out, also not looking up from the game.  
  
"Oh dear, sometimes you're just too wrung up." The four girls' heads turned from their fathers to the red-headed woman who had just entered the den. She perked up, as if realizing something, "Oh! I have a splended idea! Maybe you and Soun would like some time from us women."  
  
"Hmm, sounds like a good idea to me, Tendou," Genma voiced, not quite catching the double-meaning.  
  
Soun, on the other hand, "If your wife produces a set of keys for a hotel, I won't be responsible for my actions..."  
  
"Ah, you are such a kidder, Soun," Nodoka replied, shifting nervously. Only those closest to the woman could note the sound of metal being grasped tightly. "Actually," Nodoka continued, stuffing something into her obi, "I thought perhaps you two would enjoy a Classic Kabuki play?"  
  
"Hmm, I don't see the harm in that," Soun mused, "What do you say, Genma? We are, after all, men of culture."  
  
Genma puffed his chest out, "Indeed Tendou, that sounds like a fine idea!"  
  
"Splended!" Nodoka suddenly produced two tickets, "I procured these from a friend. The theator address is on the tickets and perhaps you should hurry?"  
  
"Well then, let us make haste!"  
  
Nodoka beamed a smile at the two men, as they walked towards the front door, "Men are so easy to please." The Saotome matriarch turned to the four girls, "So, what should we do this evening? Ooooh! It's been so long since I was at a sleepover! At least three years, I recall..."  
_______________________  
  
Akane looked up at the woman standing next to her, supervising over her as she helped prepare snacks. The raven-haired girl found it difficult to believe that this rather serene, motherly woman (though obviously *very* lonely) was the mother of her own red-headed paramour. Akane then realized that it was due to the curse that Ranma's girl-side acted the way she did.  
  
"Auntie Saotome?"  
  
The older woman smiled down at her prospective daughter in law, "yes, Akane dear?"  
  
"I was wondering, how did you cope without Uncle Saotome and Ranma for so long, while they were on their training trip?"  
  
Nodoka looked down, her smile dropping a little, "Well, I have to admit, it was a trial, but I survived. I had my friends, and I kept myself busy."  
  
"Friends?" Akane asked.  
  
"Oh yes, like my neighbors Mrs. Yashido, she throws the most delightful parties. Why even if I didn't bring a spouse with me, I was more than welcome to join in!"  
  
"It's good that they looked out for you," Akane replied, glad her potential mother-in-law was kept occupied by her friends.  
  
"Oh yes, why, I remember one party when Mr. Yashido and Mr. Misagi decided to give their wives a rest... Why, I couldn't sit down in anything other than a seiza position for almost a week! Mrs. Yashido teased me about it for months! She used to ask so on how such a mere slip of a woman could handle so much! I was so embarrassed!"  
  
"Uh... come again?" Akane wasn't sure what happened to the conversation, so she decided to backtrack.  
  
"At least seven times, if I recall correctly," Nodoka replied, absentmindedly, "Why don't we take these upstairs to where everyone's waiting?"  
  
Akane had to wonder exactly what lay behind that serene smile of Mrs. Saotome's...  
_______________________  
  
"We're back, and we've brought... snacks..." Nodoka froze, bearing witness to the sight of her ilicit daughter, reddening the backside of her Chinese mistress.  
  
"Auntie, is something... wrong?" Akane has gently pushed aside her potential mother in law, seeing the same thing she was. With a wince, Akane could comprehend exactly what was probably going through the older woman's mind, what with seeing her own child in the midst of such activities.  
  
Before Akane could speak up, Nodoka's expression became a mask of stern disapproval, managing to take everyone in the room back. "Ranma..."  
  
"Ah... yes... Mom?" The younger redhead wasn't sure what upset her mother. Really, she would think the sight of a girl spanking another would do little to phase the seemingly experienced woman.  
  
"This is wrong!" Nodoka began to scold, as she handed Akane the tray of snacks roughly, and strode towards the bed, "You should arc your hand up before you connect, and aim lower! Your technique is atrocious!  
  
With that, she wrested Shampoo from her daughter's lap, and demonstrated proper technique, illiciting higher moans of approval from the lavender-haired girl. "See? It's a simple matter of ensuring the proper amount of vibration reaches the lower mons..."  
  
"Oooh! Too, too less painful. Is too, too good!" Shampoo cooed.  
  
"Wow, Shampoo's really getting into it," Ranma-chan appraised her mother's technique with a keen eye.  
  
Nodoka noticed Akane standing in the doorway to her room with a rather wide-eyed expression, "Oh, I'm sorry, Akane, why don't you come here?"  
  
With barely contained eagerness, Akane quickly set down the tray, and rushed into nodoka's lap, almost shoving Shampoo onto the floor.  
  
"Now, with practice, you may become proficient enough to kill two birds with one stone," Nodoka said factually, using her left arm to brace both girls in her lap, and her other arm for demonstration.  
  
Ranma-chan barely contained her salivation, "Ah... what about me?"  
  
Blinking, Nodoka looked between the two girls, and back to her daughter. "Um, Shampoo, I suppose you understand the principles, would you be kind as to practice them on Ranma-chan?"  
  
"Shampoo more than too, too happy, mother!"  
  
"oh! She called me 'mother'!" Nodoka beemed, "Excuse me, but I think I may need to use the restroom. Remember, practice makes perfect!" With that, she quickly rushed out of the room.  
  
As Shampoo laid Ranma across her lap, she couldn't help but notice the dejected look on her airen's face.  
_______________________  
  
"No... remember, you don't want to touch it directly, if you're not accustomed to the sensations, just gently apply it around the hood..."  
  
Ranma stopped at the bathroom door, intending to talk to her mother, just as the loud wail came from the other side. "Wha?"  
  
Before Ranma could enter, the door opened, and Nodoka poked her head out, "Oh, Ranma-chan!"  
  
"I... ah... came to see what was keeping you guys so long..."  
  
"Oh, it seems that dear Shampoo has a slight phallophobia, and is dearly afraid of... men inserting their USB devices into her tower unit..."  
  
Ranma blinked, "Come again?"  
  
"She has twice, now," Nodoka replied, absentmindedly, "Ranma dear, could you go back to Akane's room and wait for me?"  
  
"C-can I help?" Ranma asked, with a pleading tone.  
  
Nodoka seemed to baulk at the idea, "Um... no?" Suddenly, the buzzing that had barely been audible became quite apparent. "No! Shampoo! You're much too sensitive for that setting!" She slammed the door on her daughter's face, almost seeming to forget about her.  
  
Before Ranma could recover from her shock and reply, Nodoka quickly closed the door. With a defeated posture, Ranma walked back to the stairs, oblivious to Akane watching her from the corner.  
  
"Poor Ranma..."  
_______________________  
  
Soun stared forward, keeping his eyes concentrated on the play before him, "Saotome... have you noticed something... peculiar about all this?"  
  
Indeed, Genma had not noticed that the Kabuki theator was very old and authentic, holding traditions well back to the times of Samurai. He didn't notice that all the actors were all male. He didn't notice that the audience was all male, including the couples. He didn't notice that several of those couples featured stoic Japanese businessmen entertaining younger... far... younger men, as they watched the show.   
  
He didn't notice, because he was currently glaring down the rather effimate young man that rubbed his thigh for the umpteenth time...  
  
"I'm warning you," the Elder Saotome growled out in an almost gutteral voice, "I may follow the code of the martial artist, but I *will* hurt you if you touch me again..."  
  
At the wide, approving smile he recieved, Genma nervously shifted away from his current irritation, bumping into Soun, and causing them both to start. "Maybe we should enquire to your wife as to where she had managed to get our tickets?" Soun asked in a rather trepid tone.  
  
A very, very traditional Kabuki theater, it was...  
_______________________  
  
"She seems more interested in Shampoo than she does me," Ranma whined from where she sat against Akane's bed.  
  
"Have you tried talking to her?" Akane asked, sympathizing with the other girl.  
  
"She won't give me the chance. It's almost like she's trying to avoid me!"  
  
Akane hmmed at that. It was obvious that Nodoka was avoiding her daughter, "I have an idea!"  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Ranma-chan listened, nodding her head, and gaining a slight smirk...  
_______________________  
  
"Auntie Saotome, can you meet me in my room, please?"  
  
At Akane's call, Nodoka perked up, "Comi-... I'll be arrivi-... in just a moment, Akane-chan!" It wouldn't do for her to sound anxious. Nodoka couldn't help but feel like a young girl again during this 'girls only' party.  
  
Barely able to contain her glee, she made her way up the stairway, and into the girl's room. She found the raven-haired girl standing by the window, staring out, "You wanted something, Akane-chan?" She graciously walked towards the girl, when she failed to acknowledge her, and put her hand on her shoulder to turn her around, "Akane, is there..."  
  
Nodoka found herself staring at a dummy set up in a passable (from a distance) likeliness of Akane, just as the door behind her slammed closed. The Saotome matriarch spun around, to find her sinisterly grinning child, strapped with a large arnament of 'artillary', barring the way.  
  
"We're going to be in here a while, Mom," Ranma-chan said in a low voice.  
  
"Ah..." Nodoka backed up against the wall next to the window, "Is there s-something wrong?"  
  
"Yeah..." Ranma replied with a hint of her resentment, before she dove at her mother.  
  
Nodoka proved herself to be every bit as fit as she looked young, and barely avoided her daughter by dropping into a roll; her kimono just slightly serving to hinder her, "Then p-perhaps we can discuss this over tea?"  
  
"How about over a long string of moans?" Ranma counter-offered, quickly making another leap.  
  
"ACK!" Nodoka threw herself back, once again just barely missing being tackled.  
  
Outside the door, Shampoo and Akane listened in.  
  
"Ranma mother too, too quick."  
  
"I'll say, it's never taken Ranma more than twice to pin a conquest..."  
  
Nodoka stood in the corner, holding a bedmat as a sheild from her amorous daughter, "Really, Ranma-chan, why don't we calmly discuss this?"  
  
"I've tried, Mom," Ranma replied, allowing a great deal of her dejection show in her tone, "but you've been avoiding me! I wanna know why!"  
  
The older woman faltered, when she noticed the tears starting to gloss her child's eyes, "It's... well, I'm sorry, but..."  
  
"But what? You don't seem to mind Shampoo or Akane! What's wrong with me? I'm your son! Don't you even love me?"  
  
Nodoka dropped the bed mat, and sighed. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see her child's tears. "I'm... I'm sorry, Ranma. It's just, well... I was raised that such... interactions were not proper! I apologise if you took my actions the wrong way..." Nodoka opened her eyes, and stared at her daughter, "but... never... NEVER think that even after being separated from you for ten years, almost forcing you into Seppuku, and avoiding any sexual contact with you, that I don't love you!"  
  
At the decree, Ranma's tears would no longer be held, as the younger redhead smiled, "Thanks... Mom."  
  
"It's what only a mother could do," Nodoka replied, feeling much more relieved. She wasn't quite as spry as she used to be, but she was sure she could survive leaping through the window, landing two stories in a roll, and make her escape.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry about all this," Ranma apologised, before turning away from her mother.  
  
"It's alright, I should have thought about your feel-YIPE!"  
  
Escape... was not an option.  
_______________________  
  
Genma had enough of a horrible night, but the two women sitting across from him for this 'family meeting', smiling brightly in WAY too similar a fashion, greatly unnerved him.  
  
"Genma," Nodoka began her announcement, "I believe it is time we had started getting to know each other... as a family again."  
  
Genma relaxed, "Oh? Then how about a training trip! Me and the boy practice the art, and you cook for us!"  
  
"Tthat wasn't quite what we were thinking... Panda-*chan*," Ranma answered with a particular lilt.  
  
"Oh yes, your father does have that rather adorable curse, doesn't he?" Both daughter and mother's expressions turned into hungry leers, just before the realized they were now staring at a dustcloud.  
  
Nodoka sighed, "Your father was always a fast one..." With that, mother and child made off in pursuit. 


	47. Ranma Saint of Virgins

Ranma the Amorous, Over-Sexed Nympho  
  
"Oh, Howth I despair thesth atrocitith that my lithe is destinth to be!" a demurely shaped young lady lamoured, as she looked down at the delicate flowers in the flowertray on the balcony of her room. "Tooth be an unsullithed blothsom thath yearnth for theth touth of the fluthering bee. Tooth hath thith prithtine and purth virthinity tathken inth an acth of innothenth, genthile luth."  
  
"That is sad," Akane replied, as she sat on her hostess's bed. The youngest Tendou had been invited to the girl's house to discuss something that was apparently of great importance. Akane wasn't familiar with the girl; simply another girl that blended into the background of already colorful residents of Nerima. From the sound of it, the girl was exeptionally lonely; never getting out because of her overprotective parents, unable to make friends, or to find that one that could possibly fulfill her life, make it complete in ways she never realized could be done.  
  
Akane licked her lips in anticipation, the other girl needed a quickie in the worst way, it sounded like.  
  
Softly fluffing her golden, sun glowing lockes that dangled to the small of her back with her left hand, as she precariously tossed her head in the teasing manner of a nubile goddess, the girl continued, "Ith tooth convinth my parenth thath mine own dethisionth werth my own, I hath seth myseth three..."  
  
"Three?"  
  
The girl shook her head, still observing the Nerima skyline outside her balcony, "Three, three like a bith."  
  
"You gave birth to three?" Akane was confused, the girl had said she was a virgin earlier...  
  
"Bith, BIRTH, the thith thath flys through the sky!"  
  
"oh, BIRD! Sorry."  
  
"Three tooth chooth my own path..." the girl sighed, and rested her chin on her arms that lay on the guard rail, "Anth I chooth tooth sath my curiothity."  
  
"Curiosity?" Akane enquired, becoming even more anxious. The girl's story had greatly appealed to the Tendou sister, and the lisp speech was really beginning to turn her on.  
  
"I with to fith outh what ith ish like for someoneth tooth throw me uponth a beth, ravith me, doth tooth me anth hath their way with me. Tooth totally dominathe me inth every possible wayth. Tooth sath me complethly and relenthlethly..."  
  
"Go on, go on..." Akane almost frantically urged, as she was frantically pulling her blue school jumper over her head.  
  
The girl turned to Akane with a delightful smile; the sun's afternoon rays shimmered throughout her beautiful flaxen hair, and shown through her white silk gown to display her wholly femenine body. Her green eye flashed with the same joy her orange one did, as her cracked, chapped lips spread into a smile they couldn't handle, causing fissures to leak with blood from the overly thick and protruding adornments on her face that failed to distract from her hook beak nose, facial hair, moles, and warts. "You'll helth me! Oth joy! Pleath beth genthil forth my firth time!"  
  
"YEAAAAAHHHHhh!!!!" Akane immidiately ceased pulling off her socks in favor of trying to push her back through the wall. With a weak smile, "Ah... I'll see who I can find to help you... heh... heh..."  
  
_______________________  
  
Finally, Nabiki crowed to herself, finally, Ukyo relented. After so long of constant tempting, badgering, and goading, the okonomiyaki chef was willing to try, at least so her friend would finally stop bothering her about it. Much to Nabiki's satisfaction, Ukyo found it much to her liking.  
  
Ukyo growled ferally, grinning in satisfaction, "Heh, what's wrong? You're starting to wear out down there!"  
  
Nabiki fought to get from between lucious white thighs, but Ukyo proved to be a formidable opponent. This wasn't good, if Nabiki didn't finish off Ukyo at least once, it would have been a wasted effort. In desperation, Nabiki attempted acted.  
  
"AHHH! D-don't lick me!" Ukyo moaned, disrupting her concentration, and allowing Nabiki the precious slack to gain the upperhand in their sweaty matchup; each opponent clad only in he skimpiest lingerie the imagination could contrive.  
  
"Ha!" Nabiki now was the one celebrating, "How about a mouthful of tit to keep you quiet?"  
  
"ACK!" Ukyo choked, trying to work her way out of the powerful counter. Frantically she worked her hands, attempting to break Nabiki's hold, much to the aggressor's estatic pleasure.  
  
Finally, after heavily working against Nabiki. Ukyo pried the other woman off of her, and cautiously backed away to put distance between the two of them. Her stamina was low, but the middle Tendou daughter's reserves were not much better. From a quick glance above, it was evident that the next move would be the one that will determine who submits.  
  
On some silent signal, they both rushed at each other, meeting at the apex of their dash in an orgy of hands, legs, teeth, and sweaty, vibrant flesh. Eventually, the vicious grapple concluded with Nabiki on top.  
  
"We should have taken the time limit off," Ukyo growled, before wiping her sweaty hands on her pantlegs.  
  
Nabiki celebrated her victory, while Ukyo gave a derisive snort, and set the control pad down. When the older girl finally settled down, Ukyo spoke again, "I guess that game wasn't as bad as I expected it to be."  
  
Nabiki still couldn't understand what the okonomiyaki chef had against the game when she heard the title. "Admit it, it was fun!"  
  
Ukyo shrugged, "Who woulda thought an American made fighting game with digitized graphics could actually be decent? Still, it's not exactly an SNK fighter, you know?"  
  
Nabiki scowled a bit, irritated at the way Ukyo was downplaying Lingerie Kung-Fu fighters, but perked up in after thought. At least she was finally willing to play it. Now, if she worked a little harder, she just may be able to convince Ukyo to allow her to screw her brains out...  
  
Ukyo got up, and shut off the game, "Nabiki, does everything seem a little... I dunno, quiet to you?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure I could make you scream for a change of pace," Nabiki commented in an overly hopeful tone.  
  
Ukyo rolled her eyes, and chose to ignore the pass, "No, I mean, can you feel it? A storm is coming..."  
  
Nabiki frowned, as the chef stared off into the distance, despite being upstairs in her room above the restaurant. The middle Tendou sister sighed, "You are *such* an SNK fangirl..."  
  
"Admit it, you thought Terry was cute, too!"  
  
_______________________  
  
Said 'storm' destroyed a brothel in Taipei, as it made a beeline towards Japan...  
  
_______________________  
  
"Tendou"  
  
"Yes, Saotome?"  
  
Genma rolled over, so he could see Soun laying next to him, "Tell me again, why are we sleeping together?"  
  
Soun turned onto his side within his own futon, "We agreed, Saotome, there were safety in numbers, and we must remain vigilant within this household."  
  
"I understand that, Tendou. I mean, there's nothing wrong with two COMRADES in the ART, lodging together with NO OTHER intent than to watch for the other's safety," Genma replied, making sure to emphesize, "But... perhaps we didn't quite consider the wisdom of this plan?"  
  
Soun sat up, and looked directly at Ranma-chan and Nodoka, who sat seiza at the edge of Genma and Soun's separate futons. Actually, Ranma stared eagerly, while Nodoka continued to record with the camcorder.  
  
"Genma, dear..." Nodoka started with a faint irritation in her voice, "Perhaps if you just fondled Soun a bit..."  
  
"I AM NOT TOUCHING HIM IN THAT WAY, WOMAN!" Genma shouted, before flinching at his wife's 'involintary' reaction to reaching for her sword, "Ah... what I meant to say is... we both have a headache..."  
  
"Well, sex releases endorphins which would help allieve a headache," Ranma quipped, "So let's see some action, Pops!" Soun whimpered, and pulled the covers up over his head.  
  
"Oh Ranmaaaaaaaaaa-samaaaaaaaa..."  
  
Ranma perked up at Akane's call. Torn between curiosity and voyeurism, the young redhead looked questioningly at the older redhead. Nodoka nodded, "Go see what she wants, dear. I'm recording every moment of this..."  
  
"Thanks Mom, you're the best!" Ranma kissed her mother on the cheek, before heading to the hall to find out what Akane wanted. "What's up?"  
  
Akane smiled impishly at Ranma, "I have a surprise for youuuuu!"  
  
Ranma blinked, before getting a wild and feral grin, "Are you hiding it in the usual spot?"  
  
Akane's eyes went wide, before she quickly placed both hands securely over her crotch, "N-no! N-not this time..." Akane smiled nervously, the last few times she had done that, it took weeks to heal.  
  
Ranma frowned before her expression lit up again, "Ooh, ohh! Lemme guess, alright?" Akane nodded, as Ranma mused, "Isssssss it a plant, animal, or mineral?"  
  
"Ah..." Akane thought for a sec, "It's definitely an animal... of some sort..."  
  
"Issssssss it wearing a gimp mask?" Ranma-chan asked, almost gleefully.  
  
Akane blinked, before snapping her fingers, "Holdonasec..." Ranma watched the youngest Tendou daughter run upstairs, and returned shortly with a leather mask. She rushed to the front door, and reappeared in front of Ranma seconds later. After catching her breath slightly, Akane nodded with a happy smile.  
  
Ranma cocked an eye at that, "Ah... does it bite?"  
  
"Only if you ask it to..."  
  
"Hmmm...." Ranma mused, rubbing her chin in thought, before suddenly bursting past Akane. "HEY! BITE ME!"  
  
Akane skipped to front enterance, where she found Ranma discovering her 'surprise'. Much to Akane's surprise, Ranma was removing the mask. "NO!!!"  
  
"I like it when you use a little incisOOOORRRRRAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!"  
  
"Embrath me in coithtus!" Ranma's unmasked surprise demanded, with her arms spread wide to reveal all the feminine parts wrapped in festive ribbon. Unfortunately, her face rather lacked in any feminine traits.  
  
"WHAT IN THE DEEPEST BOWELS OF HELL IS THAT?!?" Ranma shouted, cradled in Akane's arms and staring wildly at the blonde... girl... before her.  
  
Akane smiled nervously, "Isn't she cute? And she's all for you!"  
  
Ranma shivered in Akane's arms, as she reallized something, "S-something's missing..."  
  
"Huh?" Akane enquired, looking down at the bundle of instant sexual gratification in her arms.  
  
"Quick, Akane, grab my crotch!"  
  
At the unusual request, Akane had no choice but to comply.  
  
Ranma's eyes went wide, "Something's wrong... I... I don't feel... it's... IT'S OFF!!!"  
  
"Wuth oth?" The girl named Namiko asked, growing anxious as time went on.  
  
With the attention drawn back to her, Ranma had the misfortune to turn back in the direction of the visiting girl. That instant, Akane's arms felt lighter.  
  
"Quick! After her!" Akane commanded, inciting the other girl to move after the redhead.  
  
"Whyth fee runnithg?"  
  
"Ah..." Akane began to reply, making sure her eyes were only focused on Ranma, and not distracted by the...comely... beauty of her partner, "...Ranma's playing hard to get, heh... heh..."  
  
"Ith fith thorplay?"  
  
Akane remained silent.  
  
"Now, Genma, if you would just loosen your inhibitions, you'll only realize that what you would be doing is just natural," Nodoka chided.  
  
"Nodoka, just put away the damn camer-" Genma was interrupted, as a red blur rushed between him and his wife, over Soun, and through the window.  
  
"Ranma's in such a hurry," Nodoka commented, blinking a couple of times, she turned back to videotaping, just as Akane streaked by the view, and just before the camera lense shattered.  
  
...right before the camera exploded...  
  
Genma, Soun, and Nodoka stared down at the videotape that had instantly ejected prior to the camcorder going up in a ball of flame, squirming around on the ground like a worm being sizzled on a hot sidewalk.  
  
"I guess we'll have to resort to stills, then," Nodoka sighed, pulling out an instacamera.  
  
Ranma bound onto a neighboring rooftop, followed shortly by Akane. For the first time, the redhead had to question her judgement of training Akane in her abilities.  
  
How could she? After everything Ranma had done for her. Was this some sort of sick and twisted revenge? Had Akane been harboring such a profound animosity that she would use such a despicable plot against her? It was a numbness, like a cherished part of her had been lopped off, and thrown into some unknown field. The very sight of that girl stole Ranma-chan's most valued posession. Like an eternal cold shower, her sexual appetite had been curved to a tremendous degree.  
  
The redhead zig-zagged across the rooftops; Akane may be able to nearly keep pace with her on a short distance, but she still had a long way to go before she could even continue to tail Ranma, especially when she was in panic mode.  
  
Ranma spared a look over her shoulder, and found Akane way beyond in the distance, and no sign of... whatever it was. Breathing a sigh of relief, Ranma turned around, and toppled.  
  
"Peeth, beth gthentlth," the obstacle that Ranma toppled over, cooed. Blinking Ranma looked down to the soft body that was under her, and emitted a shrill that shattered windows for nearly a kilometer...  
  
By the time Akane arrived, Ranma was long gone, leaving the blonde girl with a dazed smile. "Oh GODS!" Akane shouted, accidentally getting a good look.  
  
Namiko stretched languishly, "Tuth a sthreamer... I lithe tat!"  
  
Ranma ran, wrapping her arms around her as if they were her only security. She felt dirty, used, utterly disgusted with herself. In her mind, she was now worthless, and also wondered if this is what many of her own 'conquests' felt like. The redhead shook the notion off, deciding that she needed to clean the invisible filth from herself.  
  
It didn't take long for her to find what she was looking for. Barely stopping for the doors, Ranma thrust whatever change she had in her pockets onto the counter, rushing into the locker room, stripping the whole way. She didn't pay attention to what direction she headed, or the dozens of men staring at the streaking redhead incredulously. Her attention was on the large hot tub before her. She didn't even care about scrubbing off first, she just wanted the be scalding clean.  
  
After almost every man quickly evacuated the pool, the large geyserish splash crashed back into the nearly hollowed out pool. A pigtailed boy emerged, using his hands to furiously scrub his flesh clean. After about several moments, Ranma stopped, and blinked...  
  
"YES! I'M A GUY AGAIN!" the pigtailed martial artist shouted, as he leapt out of the public bath, whooping and hollaring, "HA! THE REDHEADED SLUT COULDN'T KEEP ME DOWN FOREVER!"  
  
::SPLASH::  
  
"Don't bet on it..." Akane replied in a hooded gaze, still cradling the empty bucket.  
  
"THRANMA-FUNNYTH!"  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!" Ranma ran through one of the walls, screaming as if the very denzens of Hell had attached themselves to her, or a cluster of cats.  
  
"Thso thruth!" Namiko moaned into Ranma-chan's ear, as she clung for dear life and lust.  
  
Ranma's mind was blank in her panic. Since it wasn't a cat, she could not retreat into that persona, all she was capable of doing was running around in blind terror.  
  
Fortunately, the concrete wrecking ball stopped her panicked flight.  
  
Said concrete ball, better known as Tatawake Kuno's head, turned to spy it's redheaded nemesis, "Hark! If it is not the foul succubus, familiar of the wretched sorceror Saotome, and bewitcher of both fair and stern." It was then he noticed her partner.  
  
"WHAT MANNER OF DEMON IS THIS!" Kuno shouted, attempting to push his back through a nearby brickwall in his fleeing. Before he could allow anyone to acknowledge he was scared shitless, he brought his bokken to the fore, "So, the accoursed Saotome dare bring this ghastly creature from the most vile refuges of the netherworld? Fear not, for I shall send both foul demons to thine peril... I STRIKE!  
  
"Sthrithe? thee wanth tha menath a strike?" Namiko enquired, as she held onto Ranma, who was busy trying to shake her off, while dodging Kuno's attacks, "Thoo intheresthed in thaa threesometh?"  
  
Ranma was relieved of one problem, as Akane arrived to to relieve Kuno of conciousness, "Honestly Ranma-sama, you act as if you've never been with a girl before..."  
  
"thou're a sthirgen too?" Namiko enquired, finding her boundless heart filled with the joy of finding a kindred spirit.  
  
Ranma took an opportunity to shake herself loose when the girl's hold slackened, and prepped herself to bolt.  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
Just as she was about to leap off, Akane's voice halted her. It was as much a surprise to her as it was to Akane herself.  
  
The raven haired girl recovered from the shock of Ranma actually stopping, even if she acted like the evils of the entire universe were about her, and acted on the pause, "What's this? Ranma-sama, champion of promiscuity, unfearing of any sexual endeavor, panicked over a simple virgin?"  
  
"SHE AIN'T SO SIMPLE!" Ranma shouted, before sniffles caught them unawares, sniffles that belonged to neither of them.  
  
"i know I'm noth pretty lith you or Akaneth," Namiko whispered, the low voice managing to curb her lisp a great deal, "I'm sorryth to have bothereth you thwo. I'll beeth going now..."  
  
"Ranma?"  
  
This time, Akane's voice was urging and almost pleading, as they watched the defeated girl slump off to her lonely life. Akane was right, Ranma had gone rounds with things man wasn't meant to have lustful encounters with, yet an innocent girl...  
  
Ranma groaned, the thought of doing anything with the girl left her dead and numb in the libido, but she would be damned to allow any creature to suffer...  
  
_______________________  
  
"I'm glad you were able to overcome your temporary disability, Ranma-chan," Kasumi commented, as she set the tea out on the table.  
  
"Heh, you know? Once I looked past her... uniqueness..." Ranma replied, graciously accepting her cup of tea, "you would find a pretty sweet girl, eager to taste what there is to offer in the world of carnal pleasures. And that lisp of hers makes her moans sound sooooo cute!"  
  
"Well, as long as you're getting something out of it too," Akane replied, while thinking, "Better you than me."  
  
"How's she doing right now?" Nodoka asked, proud her daughter was doing such a generous deed; managing to put aside her own reservations in order to alleviate the suffering of another. The matronly woman wasn't a Christian, but believed that Ranma should indeed be praised for sainthood.  
  
"She's resting, I really worked her over. Gotta remember not to be too rough with the inexperienced." The redhead allowed a lavish grin to cross her face, "I think I should go wake her up now, she's got a lot of catching up to do."  
  
With that, Ranma stood up from the table, picking up a fifteen foot rod that had been laying next to her, one end encased in foam latex that was ribbed for her pleasure. Walking out to the backyard, ranma stood before a concrete wall with the only access to the other side being a hole the diameter of the pole. "ALRIGHT, NAMICO, ASSUME THE POSITION!"  
  
Without even waiting further for an affirmative reply, Ranma stuck the pole into the hole in the wall, and nodded in satisfaction at the the proper sound of something wet. Yup, it was indeed a great feeling to commit a good deed... 


	48. The return of

'Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho'  
  
Standing on the hills just beyond Nerima, a figure stood, savoring the scene before him. It has been a while, and he had greatly missed his home for so long, missed those he cared about, and regretted the decision he made. He was sure they were greatly hurt by it, but he had no choice, since he was sure he would be dead by now if it hadn't been done.  
  
Nonetheless, it was all for the better. Now he had nothing to concern for his welfare, since he now returned ten times the man he once was. He had given to an extensive search, but one of the holy grails of martial artists had been found, leaving him improved powerfully, and able to endure the trials he would now have to face up to.  
  
With a smile that appeared from under the hood of his cloak, the man seemed more than eager to contend with said trials...  
  
____________________  
  
"It was so nice of you to help me with the groceries, Ranma-chan," Kasumi smiled in gratitude at the redhead next to her, who was carrying the majority of the bags.  
  
Ranma smiled from behind the wall in her arms, "Aw, it's no problem, Kasumi, just feeling helpful, is all."  
  
"Oh?" Kasumi enquired with a knowing tone, "You haven't asked to borrow Wigglychan in a while..."  
  
The pigtailed girl chuckled nervously, "Well, I guess I haven't have I?"  
  
Before Kasumi could retort, She turned back to see Ranma pause in her steps, "Ranma-chan, is something wrong?"  
  
The shorter girl set the groceries she was carrying against the fence, before turning to survey the area, "We're being watched..."  
  
"Oh my, a voyeur?" Kasumi enquired, nervous, yet slightly stimulated at the same time.  
  
Ranma shook her head slowly, "There is no lustful intent in this one... he could be dangerous..." Ranma's head suddenly jerked to one particular rooftop, where she spied the tail end of a fabric disappearing to the other side, "Stay here, Kasumi."  
  
The older girl complied, as the redhead suddenly took off. As she reached the rooftop, Ranma saw the figure five houses away, deftly attempting to make his escape. "HEY! GET BACK HERE! WE HAVEN'T BEEN PROPERLY INTRODUCED YET!" The pigtailed girl shouted, quickly taking off in pursuit.  
  
The figure in the cloak turned to face Ranma, while continuing to make his escape across the Nerima rooftops backwards. The pigtailed girl could see the smirk on the hooded figure's face, causing her to growl. "Don't be bashful! I just want to get to know you better!"  
  
Ranma's scowl suddenly grew deeper, as the figure laughed at her, and somersaulted backwards to street level. Pressing herself to move faster through her aggivation, Ranma-chan began to close the gap between them, and launched herself downwards at the retreating man. The momentum she got from pushing herself off at an angle from the roof's edge carried her like a torpedo aimed at the figure she was pursuing.   
  
Her attempt for a tackle was evaded, as the figure's cloak billowed from his pivot out of her way. The cloak itself hid his retaliation strike that completely caught her offguard, as Ranma landed in a sliding skid, shocked at his sudden appearance.  
  
"Hey, what the...?"  
  
The figure chuckled, as he threw away the torn latex that had been used to make a warm water balloon, "I figured it would be much easier dealing with you in this form, Ranma."  
  
"Yeah, well buddy..." Ranma quipped, suddenly launching into a flurry of attacks, "...that's the biggest false presumption you've made, next to thinking you can take me on!"  
  
"Actually, I-" The figure suddenly went to guarding against Ranma's offensive, working frantically to keep up with not getting tagged. "My, you've gotten better!"  
  
Ranma didn't answer, as in the back of his mind, he was puzzling over where he had heard that voice before. More demanding of his thoughts was how strong exactly this guy was, it felt like he was pounding at granite!  
  
Finding that pummeling the figure into submission was pointless, Ranma feinted a high blow, before suddenly sinking low, and grabbing his opponent around the waist. The figure was shocked, as the pigtailed martial artist then lifted him off the ground, then slammed him down, and straddled his waist in a Brazillian Jujitsu style mount.  
  
The cloaked figure smirked slightly from his prone position under Ranma, "Hmm, your alter-ego seems to be affecting your fighting style as a guy, I see. You never seemed the type to be so foward in your guy form."  
  
"What?" Ranma commented, before moving to lift the figure's hood up to get a good look at his face. Ranma was then exeedinly surprised for the second time, to find the man was no longer under him, having slid out without his noticing, "How...?"  
  
By the time Ranma turned to track the figure, he was already to the rooftops, "We'll continue this later when you've calmed down a bit," he said with a little humor, before disappearing from Ranma's sight.  
  
The pigtailed boy stood up, rubbing staring at the the departure route with a perplexed expression, "It... it couldn't be..."  
  
____________________  
  
"I don't know who he was," Ranma commented, taking another cookie from the tray on the tearoom table, "It was weird, though, he seemed tougher than Ryoga at his best."  
  
"So a new challenger comes to Nerima, eh?" Nabiki enquired, fantasizing about Ranma's defeat by strange guy. Nabiki couldn't decide which picture turned her on more; this newcomer using the ky jelly, and working Ranma until he fully submitted, or Ranma getting it salty crackers style.  
  
Ranma pointedly turned away from Nabiki, and studied the wall, as Akane glared at her sister. "You better not touch that tray again until you get cleaned up, Nabiki."  
  
The middle Tendou sister paused, looked at the position of her hands, and shrugged indifferently, "It's not like we've done less sanitary things." Nabiki grabbed another cookie, and began nibbling on it, pretending to be oblivious to Ranma's sudden disgustful expression.  
  
"You know how uncomfortable it makes the virgin, Nabiki," Akane chided, giving Ranma a look of sympathy. Ranma returned it with an unamused hooded gaze.  
  
"Oh come on, there's nothing wrong with my flavor, here, try!"  
  
"CUT IT OUT!" Ranma immidiately pulled away from the half-eaten cookie that had almost been thrust down his throat.  
  
Nabiki feigned a hurt expression, before turning to her sister, "Akane, does anything taste wrong with this?" The girl in question scrunched her face in contemplation, before opening her mouth.  
  
"THAT'S IT! I'm gonna go out for a while," Ranma quickly stated, before rushing out of the tearoom.  
  
Akane and Nabiki both blinked at his abrupt departure, as Akane still had her mouth open, and Nabiki had the morsel just inches from it. Akane sighed and gave her sister a baleful expression, "Thanks a lot, Nabiki."  
  
Nabiki stuck out her tongue, before popping the rest of her tainted cookie into her mouth, "Sowwwwy"  
  
____________________  
  
"Jerks, both of them," Ranma grumbled, as he leapt onto the rooftop of the Tendou home for some privacy, "Always acting like perverts... well who cares about 'em?"  
  
"Honestly, after all this time, I thought you would have been desensitized to stuff like that..."  
  
"Who...?" Ranma sat up from where he had began to lay his head on the rooftop. Quickly flipping into a guarded stance, Ranma was face to face with his cloaked advisary from earlier in the day, "YOU! YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON ME?!?"  
  
"Wait! You've got it-" Once again, he was cut off as Ranma went on the heavy offensive.  
  
"Just WHO the heck are you ANYWAYS?" Ranma demanded, allowing his irritation for Akane and Nabiki to fuel his focus.  
  
"Ranma, it's important you calm down before I can explain..."  
  
"How about I lay you out first, and then we'll discuss this?" Ranma retorted, now growing fustrated with his opponent's uncanny strength and rather talented level of skill. The hooded person's guard was so precise, easily redirecting the blows raining on it with almost subtle movements. That seemed almost redundant, for the blows Ranma was able to land, it seemed to be doing more damage to the pigtailed boy's fists and feet than to the other guy.  
  
"We're not getting anywhere with this, you know?"  
  
Before Ranma could retort, they both heard a voice from down below them in the yard. "Ranma, just who are you fighting on our rooftop?" Nabiki shouted up, obviously aggrivated by the racket. Akane and Kasumi looked up in concern as the two fighters looked down at them.  
  
"No, not yet!" the hooded figure exclaimed, before quickly bolting from Ranma. The pigtailed boy quickly rushed in pursuit, not allowing his apparent stalker get away.  
  
"Get back here! We've got unfinished business!"  
  
"Sorry, Ranma, but I'm just not ready to meet her again!"  
  
"Meet who? Just who the hell are you?" Ranma once again demanded, before realizing the figure he had been chasing came to a stop, quite a distance away from the Tendou home.  
  
"You think you can refrain from trying to beat me into submission, even after I tell you?" the figure asked, with a good deal of mirth.  
  
Ranma watched the figure still turned away from him warily, but decided to extend a little bit of trust, "Sure, I won't attack you right out, but if I don't like who I see, you only have seconds to make a getaway."  
  
"Well then," the figure said, as he lowered his hood, and turned to face Ranma, "It's a good thing that you don't have any grievences against me, huh?"  
  
Ranma staggered back, as if he had seen a ghost... probably because he was believing he was, "D...D... Tofu?"  
  
The man favored Ranma with a subdued smile, "Reports of my death were greatly exaggurated."  
  
Tofu wasn't nearly as fast as Ranma, so he could be forgiven for not even seeing the pigtailed boy move. The good doctor had been expecting it, really, and couldn't blame Ranma for going back on his promise. Considering the situation he 'left' them all in, it would be within Ranma's right to vent, not that it would be all that effective on him now. The move Ranma initiated on him still managed to knock him for a loop.  
  
Tofu blinked, and then looked down at Ranma hugging him, "Ah... Ranma?"  
  
The pigtailed boy seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing, a abuptly released the doctor. "Ah... it... you're not going to tell anyone about this, are ya?"  
  
Tofu raised an eyebrow over the top rim of his glasses, before chuckling, "Heh, don't worry about it, I can understand, Ranma. I missed you too."  
  
The pigtailed boy cleared his throat, as if the incident hadn't occured, "Hmm, well then..."  
  
Ranma shouted down at Tofu, "HOW IN THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT TO US?!?"  
  
Tofu pulled his head out of the roof that Ranma imbedded him in, not in any pain, but sheepish for the unintentional invasion of privacy of the residents within, "It wasn't like I enjoyed doing it, Ranma, I just had to!"  
  
"What in the heck made you *have* to fake your own death? Do you know what it did to Kasumi? Heck to any of us? I just wasn't the same without ya, doc!"  
  
"Ranma, if I stayed another day or so, I *really* would be dead!" Tofu said flatly, dusting himself off, "I love Kasumi, there's no one else in the world that I adore more. And Wiggly-chan is... something else..."  
  
"Heh, yeah, it is, isn't it?" Ranma said with a light chuckle, before his expression froze, "NOT THAT I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!"  
  
Tofu politely ignored the outburst, "...the thing is, they were well on their way to working me towards my ancestors. A guy can only take so much!"  
  
Ranma sighed, considering his own plight with his curse, "I hear ya, doc, I hear ya." The pigtailed martial artist stared firmly at Tofu, "You know you gotta let everyone know you're back... er... alive."  
  
Tofu nodded, solumnly, "I will Ranma, in time."  
  
"Uh uh," Ranma replied, "Now. You're not putting this off."  
  
Tofu deflated, understanding what Ranma was alluding to. They both know he would put this off indefinitely, since it wouldn't exactly be easy to show up and broach the subject. With a defeated sigh, Tofu answered, "Well, I guess there isn't a point in putting it off, and I really do want to see Kasumi again," as Tofu said that, a goofy grin grew on his face, as his glasses began to fog up.  
  
Ranma backed away a safe distance, recalling when he had just met Dr. Tofu, "Well, best we split now. They're gonna be scouring the city for us any minute."  
  
Tofu nodded in agreement, enticing Ranma to lead the way. Before he followed, Tofu paused, and poked his head back into the hole he had created in the roof, "Little children shouldn't be playing adult games like that." With that, he followed after Ranma, leaving the two boys slowly nodding once at his departure, shocked at being caught with their pants down.  
  
____________________  
  
Upon once again meeting her long lost love, Kasumi acted appropriately.  
  
"And to think, I used to think you were the violent one of the family," Ranma commented, earning a nod of agreement from Akane herself.  
  
"Yes, I understand I deserved that," Tofu stated, peeling himself off the wall. Even with his newfound strength, he thought that might leave a little bit of a mark.  
  
"You... you... you.... oooohhhhh!" the eldest Tendou sister fumed, still balling her fists and shedding tears, "How could you?"  
  
"Kasumi-chan," Tofu began to plead, "it was all I could do to keep myself from REALLY dying on you!"  
  
"But we thought you DID die!" Kasumi retorted, trembling with her own never before unveiled anger.  
  
"Yeah, that was a pretty smooth plan there, doctor," Nabiki commented, feeling more than a little betrayal and hurt, herself.  
  
"But Kasumi, I didn't want to hurt you!"  
  
"Well," Kasumi responded in a cold tone, "You succeeded without intent. If you'd excuse me, doctor..." Kasumi headed up the stairs, followed by Wiggly-chan; the plant using it's long willowy limbs to move itself.  
  
"But Kasumi!"  
  
It was Wiggly-chan's turn to release some pent up anger, as Tofu flew through a wall this time. "Have to admit, you batted a clean season, this time Doc," Ranma quipped, but not without sympathy.  
  
"So the tree's mad at me, too," Tofu sighed, before standing up and straightening up his gi.  
  
"Dr. Tofu, are you okay?" Akane enquired, ready to take her own turn at his hide if he was.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine. That's actually the reason for my disappearance."  
  
Ranma stopped Akane, just before she rushed the man. "I've been meaning to ask about that, how did you get so strong?"  
  
Tofu pushed his broken glasses higher upon his nose, "Well, I had heard of legends surrounding a way that would allow me to survive the trials Kasumi and Wigglychan would put me through. A way that would increase any man's strength, durability, and endurance tenfold."  
  
"Wuzzat?" Ranma enquired, intrigued at the tale.  
  
Tofu's glasses gleamed in an ominous light, as he pulled a package of noodles from his gi, "The legendary Supersoba. The most sought after treasure of martial artists everywhere!"  
  
"Super..." Akane started in slight disbelief.  
  
"...soba?" Ranma finished, contemplating the benefits of such a thing.  
  
"Yeah, superstrength, make your penis longer, whatever," Nabiki comented, bored with the story, and upending a glass of water onto Ranma, "I'm horny again, fix this dilemma."  
  
Unfortunately for her, the redhead's attention was drawn elsewhere, "Ten times the endurance, hmmm?"  
  
Everyone stared at the pigtailed girl's departure, before Tofu noted his now empty hand. "Oh... hell." 


	49. I like to suck on it and slurp it and li...

'Ranma the Amorus, Oversexed Nympho'  
  
"Oh yeah, ooooh yeah, ooooh this is good!" Ranma-chan crowed, as she stroked the long, plastic coated shaft in her hands. With this little bundle of vigor, she would be completely unstoppable. Not a single virgin would be left in Tokyo, in Japan...  
  
Dare she say, the world?  
  
Ranma cackled wildly, as her imagination and ambitions went into overdrive. In the near future, she would have all the world's leaders kneeling before her, slack-jawed, and on command, saying...  
  
"AH!" the amorous redhead shouted, as she narrowly evaded being penetrated in a rather uncomfortable, yet still somewhat massochistically appealing manner.  
  
Cologne landed on the rooftop before Ranma, and held out her hand to catch her staff, as it rebounded from the spot the pigtailed girl had been standing in, "Son in law..."  
  
"WHADDYOU DO THAT FOR?" Ranma demanded, carefully cradling her recent and precious aquisition.  
  
"You were standing on my roof, cackling," Cologne explained, calmly, "You cackling is not a good thing."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma looked over the edge of the roof. "Cat Cafe," Ranma read, upside down. She blinked a couple of times, before realizing why she was there, "Oh yeah! Um, Honored great Grandmother, your ramen recipes are quite accomplished, I was hoping that you might honor me with some of your knowledge?"  
  
"A little thick, do you not think, Son in law?" Cologne enquired, raising an eyebrow in scepticism.  
  
"Look, I just want some help turning these noodles flaccid, is that too much to ask?"  
  
Cologne rolled her eyes, "Are you capable of making a statement without double endenture? If it means so much to you, I'll set a nice small pot of water on the stove for you to boil your noodles. Would that satisfy you?"  
  
"You and me 'The Roman Way' would satisfy me," Ranma moped, "So I just throw this into a pot of boiling water and it'll go limp?"  
  
"I am going to smack you," the Amazon matriarch mumbled towards a madly grinning redhead. "I will assist you, but only in a culinary fashion." Cologne immidiately spun, and slammed the end of her staff onto the top of Ranma's head, closing her mouth and cutting off the upcoming comment.  
  
"STOP HER! SHE HAS SUPERSOBA!!!"  
  
Cologne abruptly stopped, as she saw a man she had believed dead, leaping across the rooftops towards them. Not that the sight was peculiar enough, but the certainly absurd thing he had accused Ranma of...  
  
"Forgive me, Son-in-law, but do you indeed have supersoba?"  
  
Ranma gleefully nodded, "Isn't it exciting?"  
  
"Uh huh," Cologne drolly responded, before she burst into a fury of attacks.  
  
Almost flatfooted, Ranma barely managed to defend, and retaliate, "KATCHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!!"  
  
The tradeoff was quick, far too fast to make enough of a difference for Tofu to have arrived. "Elder Cologne, are you alright?"  
  
The Amazon matriarch moaned blissfully as the doctor rolled her over, and saw the woman's dazed and satisfied expression. Quickly jerking away, Tofu did his best to keep a neutral expression, "I... I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what just happened..."  
  
"Damn it!" Ranma-chan growled. She hadn't expected the doctor to catch up to her so quickly, even find where she had been heading. The Cat Cafe was good idea, since everyone would most likely doubt she would take the chance around the wily Amazon Matriarch.  
  
Idly sucking on her knuckles, Ranma grimaced at the rawness of her fingertips; the next time she faces Cologne, she was going to be packing lubricant. "Now where should I head...? Hey, Ukyo can cook!"  
  
She could also throw spatulas pretty well, too.  
  
Ranma somersaulted away from the volly of projectiles, landing gracefully in a crouch, "Ucchan, I was just coming to visit you."  
  
"I can guess why, sicko," Ukyo responded, "Got the call from Nabiki, so why don't you save everyone the trouble, and just hand it over now?"  
  
"Oooh, demanding!" Ranma grinned, ferally, "Well, Ucchan, your wish is my command!"  
  
"ALP!" Ukyo was suddenly forced in retreat, barely able to keep Ranma's hands, tongue and lips, and occasional toe at bay with her battle spatula.  
  
"Geez! First the dominatrix act, now hard to get, and people say I'm sexually confused!" Ranma-chan retorted in fustration.  
  
"Try impossible to get, Jackass!"  
  
"So Nabiki says," the redhead responded, wryly. Ranma suddenly launched herself in a full body press at Ukyo, backhanding her weapon off-center in the process.  
  
"ACK" Ukyo closed her eyes, knowing full well she wouldn't survive this with her chastity intact. Yet, before she was subjected to a seemingly inevitable fate, Ranma was forced to leap from the downed brunette, as they both heard the sound of something sharp slicing through the air.  
  
"DAMN IT! I SWEAR I'M GETTING BLUEBALLS FROM THIS!" Ranma shouted, before looking down towards streetlevel. Nabiki stood in view, idly flipping a bowie knife in her right hand, while staring even sharper daggers at Ranma.  
  
"Ooooh, someone has beautiful green eyes!" the pigtailed girl cooed, "Nabiki, you get first dibs!" Still recovering, Ukyo was suddenly shoved off the roof, unable to regain her equalibrium.  
  
The middle Tendou sister's eyes went wide, as she dropped the knife, and rushed to save the girl she loved; the girl she would one day make a woman. Just before Ukyo hit the ground, Nabiki gasped, and dove.  
  
Ukyo blinked, not feeling the pain she had expected, before realizing she had a body under her. Her eyes went wide, as she quickly leapt from atop of Nabiki, "Uh... thanks... I... think..."  
  
Realizing Ukyo was no longer straddling her face, Nabiki stopped waddling her tongue in the air, and pouted.  
  
"THERE SHE IS!"  
  
Sighing, Ranma quickly turn and ran, "Tofu, I don't mind aggressive men, but I have other priorities!"  
  
"Ranma, I don't know what you're planning, but I don't think it would benefit any of us if you had almost inexhastuable stamina," Tofu stated, trying his best to gain upon the redhead.  
  
"Sure it will! I'll greatly benefit from it, and don't think I won't share the wealth!"  
  
"That what we afraid of."  
  
Ranma twisted and flipped into a half gator, barely dodging the bonbori mace that slammed into the rooftop, "Really, you guys ever get tired of these mass chases... et tu, Akane?"  
  
Akane recovered from her missed flying kick, "Sorry, Ranma-sama, but this is for your own good..."  
  
"Ranma eat soba, become too, too insatiable," Shampoo stood next to Akane, "No good if not able to enjoy sex, yes?"  
  
"Don't worry, once I'm finished with these, I'll have a WHOLE WORLD to ravage!"  
  
Shampoo's eyes grew wide, "You... you is mad!"  
  
"And horny, and fustrated, and irritable, and you guys AIN'T HELPING!" Ranma nearly shouted, growing tired of the interferance, "Now, I love you two to bits, but just BUTT OUT!"  
  
Akane nearly swooned at Ranma's proclimation, but realized the direness of the situation. "But... but aren't me and Shampoo enough to satisfy you?" Akane pleaded, fighting against her upcoming tears.  
  
Ranma blinked, and blinked again, "Um... you're kidding, right?"  
  
Pole axed, Akane turned to Shampoo for assistance, but found the young Amazon wearing a hearty 'what the fuck do you think?' expression. Akane shrugged, chagrinned, "I admit, I didn't think that one through..."  
  
"Ranma getting away!"  
  
"No, she is not."  
  
"Wha..?" Ranma was blindsided by a short, long gray haired blur, but managed to keep her pecious package out of harm's reach, "How? You shoulda been indulging in an afterglow by now!"  
  
"Sonny-boy, I've been around the block enough times that as formidable as you chestnut fisting is, I will not be felled so easily."  
  
"Ah..." Shampoo started, "Shampoo go home now, hear too too much information."  
  
"Shampoo, wait, we still need you!" Akane pleaded, as the Amazon leapt from the roof.  
  
"Akane need Shampoo, find Shampoo tie herself naked to Akane bed. Wait for her there," the lavender haired girl responded idly, walking off.  
  
Akane looked between Ranma and Shampoo, before growling, "Alright, Ranma-sama, now you're just being selfish!"  
  
"Ranma, be reasonable, that's just too much power in your hands," Tofu cut in, attempting to sneak behind Ranma to hit her disabling pressure points.  
  
He made contact, but his attempt was just as successful as it had been in chapter four.  
  
Ranma shuddered at the contact, "Oooh, tingly!" but proved indistracted enough to evade both Tofu and Cologne's attempt to wrest the plastic stalk from her. "Nyeah nyeah, too slow!"  
  
Tofu looked down at the Amazon matriarch under him, who was staring up at him with wide, confused eyes. Frozen in place, Tofu licked his lips, and said, "This is awkward..."  
  
"Damn, looks like I'm gonna have to cook these things myself..." Ranma responded, "Hold on, Mom doesn't know yet!"  
  
Flipping down to street level, Ranma found a payphone. She picked up the phone, before realizing she had no change on her. Putting the phone back on the cradle, she turned around, and tapped a random businessman on the shoulder. Once she had his attention, she opened up her shirt and flashed him. After about a second, she closed it, and held her hand out expectantly. With a curt nod, the salaryman tossed her a hundred yen piece, and went on his way.  
  
"Why, of course, dear," Nodoka replied over the phone, "I'm preparing a pot for you now. Yes, it should be boiling by the time you arrive. Twenty minutes? Are you that close?"  
  
Nodoka pouted, and presumed that it would probably be best if she put some clothes on. Not that she really cared much, but she didn't want to distract her son and oft times daughter from her culinary experimentation. She was also going to have to hurry and clean off all the funiture in the living room and kitchen; the thin coating of vasoline on her and everything else could prove a firehazard while cooking...  
  
Ranma zigzagged across town as fast as she could make herself go, attempting to lose Ukyo, Cologne, Tofu, and Akane. Eventually, she managed to lose sight of them in a crowd, and chuckled sinisterly, as she then made a beeline for her mother's home.  
  
The trip was thankfully uneventful, as she skipped merrily through the gates, and gleefully knocked on the door. Nodoka answered, just barely managing to finish tying the sash to her yukata, "Ranma-chan, You're early!"  
  
"Sorry, Mom, was in a bit of a rush... what smells like vasoline?"  
  
"Nevermind that, into the kitchen with you, you seemed dearly excited about this dish."  
  
"Oh, I am!" Ranma chirped, as the quickly strode for the kitchen. Before her on the stove, sat a boiling pot of water, "About damn time!"  
  
"Language, dear," Nodoka chided, wishing her child hadn't picked up such vulgarities.  
  
"Sorry," Ranma apologised, chagrinned, before taking out the package of supersoba she had hidden between her bosom. "Now, to drop these babies in..."  
  
"Hmm, soba? I have just the sauce for us to try with those!" Nodoka beemed, proud to be cooking with her currently daughter.  
  
Ranma blinked, before turning to her mother, "Uh, 'we'?"  
  
Nodoka paused, "You weren't going to share with your mother?"  
  
Ranma stared at her, almost incomprehending of what she had just said, before the young redhead grinned, "Mom, there isn't anyone in the world I would want to share this with more!"   
  
Nodoka's smile grew wide, "Ooooh! I'll go get the sauce ready!"  
  
"heh, heh heh, heh heh heh hehhhhh," Ranma chuckled, as she prepared to open the package. Instantly, she realized something was amiss, and pulled quickly away from the stove, just as a large knife sailed into the pot, tipping the scalding hot water towards her. "WHOA!"  
  
Nabiki climbed all the way into the Saotome home through the window, "The Cat Cafe, then Ukyo, didn't take too much thought to realize you would try here next."  
  
"H-how did you get here so fast?" Ranma demanded, scuttling backwards from the growing puddle of hotwater on the floor.  
  
Nabiki pulled a knife from somewhere, "While you were leading the others on a merry chase, I caught a cab... why does it smell like vasoline in here?"  
  
"DAMN IT!" Ranma shouted, "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU GUYS?!?"  
  
"Ranma, what have I told you about your language?" Nodoka chided again, before finding Nabiki in their midst, "Oh, hello, Nabiki, did you come to join us for dinner?"  
  
"No I..." Nabiki baulked, "W-waitaminute... were you gonna give your mother some?"  
  
Ranma nodded, before leaning against her mother.  
  
Nabiki's face was an expression of utter terror that neither had ever seen in their lifetime, "Dear gods... no one would be safe!"  
  
"Mom, would you mind tying Nabiki up while I start cooking again?" Ranma asked, politely, "She gets to be desert."  
  
"Why, that's a lovely idea!" the Saotome matriarch replied, "Would you like me to use the silk ribbon, or do you like the delicious feeling of nylon rubbing against you bare flesh?"  
  
Nabiki manage to cease her nervous breakdown enough to sound a warning, "STOP RANMA! SHE HAS SUPERSOBA THAT WILL GIVE HER GODLIKE STRENGTH AND STAMINA!!!"  
  
Nodoka blinked, "Is this true, dear?"  
  
"Well, I said i was gonna share," Ranma replied.  
  
Nodoka looked at Nabiki, then to Ranma, then back to Nabiki with a sigh. Then she suddenly dove Ranma.  
  
Apparently, she realized the reprocussions as well.  
  
For two hours, Ranma had been running all over town, but no matter where, she was hounded. Everytime she had even nearly got a pot to boil, fate, or more appropriately known as her friends and family, saught to intervine.  
  
At the moment, she was evading a vertical slash from a battlespatula that bisected the cast iron pot she was about to boil the noodles in at a magicshop. "GIVE IT UP, RANMA! THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!"  
  
Now, Ranma had lost her patience, and decided to express her irritation, via a massive pulse of her battle aura. "You guys are REALLY getting on my nerves now!" With that, Ranma rushed away, leaving a groaning Ukyo dragging her pelvis flat across the rug.  
  
After a three minute dash in any direction, Ranma forced herself to calm down, and stopped. She grabbed the first available person to come by her, a young woman carring groceries, and pulled her face to face. "Tell me where I can cook these QUICKLY!"  
  
With a gulp, the woman nodded.  
  
"Curse that girl!" Cologne growled. They all knew she was within th vicinity, but lost her trail.  
  
"Cute but high strung redhead stroking a pack of noodles like it was a prized vibrator?" the young man being interrogated by Akane responded, "Uh, yeah, she went with Ms. Yamito into her home about five minutes ago."  
  
"WHERE IS SHE?!?" Akane demanded, holding the young man off the ground by his lapels. Nervously, the young man pointed to the house they were standing next to.  
  
"Quickly! Ranma has yet to have time to boil the water!" Cologne urged. Deciding that the door was a small price to pay for the preservation of the world as they knew it, the Amazon Matriarch, Akane, Tofu, Nabiki, Nodoka, and a lazily grinning Ukyo smashed through it. Quickly they all spread out through the house, and found Ranma, a young woman wrapped in nothing but a window curtian and a satisfied smile, and most importantly, nothing cooking on the oven.  
  
::BING!::  
  
Unfortunately, Ranma was staring anxiously at the microwave.  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! NOW... I, RANMA SAOTOME, SHALL BECOME... A GOD!!!" the redhead proclaimed, as he held up the microwave safe bowl of soba noodles in instant sauce.  
  
Time seemed to slowdown for them all, as they made a mad dash to stop the redhead. Alas, it was to no avail, as she managed a large helping of the noodles into her mouth, chewed, and quickly swallowed.  
  
Ranma's battle aura flared in a thin red line around her, and th air seemed to grow thick, as she crowed joyously at her victory. Now, it was over now.  
  
Akane bravely interposed herself between everyone and Ranma, "Quickly! I'll stall her while you make your escape!" When she didn't hear anyone running, she turned to them with a desperate pleading expression, "HUR-"  
  
The reason she didn't hear anyone running was because they were all long gone.  
  
In realization, Akane wide eyes turned back towards Ranma, just as th pigtailed girl pounced at her, "OH SHIT!"  
  
"I... I don't understand!" Ranma whined, dejected.  
  
"Yup, here it is," Nabiki quipped, reading the empty package, "It says 'this product was not intended for microwave preparation'."  
  
"Well, I guess alls well that ends well," Tofu responded, before he was handed a pair of pantihose, a garderbelt, and a woman's blond wig, "Uh, what am I supposed to do with these?"  
  
"Put them on," Kasumi demanded, shoving the items into Tofu's chest, "You owe me for a lot of lost time!" With that, she pivoted on her heel, and stormed up to her room.  
  
Tofu whimpered, but followed, "Do I have to wear the pantyhose? I didn't shave my legs, and they keep ripping the hairs out!"  
  
"What we do with Akane?" Shampoo enquired, looking down at the slumbering Tendou sister.  
  
"Aww, leave her, she looks so at peace like that," Ranma responded, "Just look at her, she's glowing like an angel..."  
  
"She look like suffocating fish," Shampoo responded, noting Akane's wide, unblinking eyes and open mouth.  
  
"That shade of blue can't be healthy," Nabiki quipped. 


	50. Showdown

It was a bright and glorious morning, making it the perfect way to begin a brand new day. On such a brilliant dawning, the park was already beginning to harbor the denizens of Nerima; offering them numerous recreational activities that proved both clean and wholesome for all. Well, as long as a certain redhead did not rear her amorous, over-sexed head.  
  
Fortunately, the ever-present menace of the northeast Tokyo region was occupied with other activities, leaving all who feared her unwavering appetite unscathed for the time being. Even if she were to show her fearful presence, they would be safe (more or less). For what lay in their presence, the silent assassin that quietly rose from the lake's depths, allowing only its goggle-covered eyes to break the surface to spy its environment was in the midst of hunting season. It was hunting nymphomaniac redheads.  
  
The figure trudged to the shore, attracting attention with its unusual appearance to the scene, as well as the all black attire that covered it from head to toe. It ignored the incredulous looks around it, and smiled under its concealing facemask. It was back in Nerima, back to finish what it started so long ago…

* * *

Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho  
Chapter 50  
'Showdown'

* * *

"Oh, yes, YES Ucchan! It feels so good!  
  
"Nabiki, oh gods, I don't think I can hold back any longer!  
  
:"Let's come together! I-I think I'm… I…"  
  
"Me too Sugar! Hold me tighter! Oh! I-"  
  
The orgasm was explosive and all consuming, enveloping in a furious tempest of sensation. After what seemed like an eternity, it subsided like a waning tide.  
  
"I love you, Ukyo," Nabiki whispered, deliriously happy and satisfied.  
  
"I love you too, Sugar," Ukyo responded, "Now, are you quite done?"  
  
Nabiki immediately snapped to, surprised to find the young chef standing at the door with her arms crossed and her left eyebrow twitching in annoyance. More out of embarrassment than modesty, Nabiki quickly covered herself with Ukyo's bed cover, "Ah… Ucchan… I th-thought you were busy in the restaurant…"  
  
"I was, and still am, came up to my room to use the bathroom, and I find you in here…" Ukyo frowned deeper, "Is that my vibrator?"  
  
Nabiki smiled sheepishly, "Well… it was a spur of the moment thing, so I didn't think to bring my own."  
  
"You know, Sugar? If we weren't such good friends…" Ukyo made sure to emphasize the last word, "you could guarantee you wouldn't be leaving this room in full condition. In fact, if I didn't find this more amusing than disturbing, our friendship wouldn't even be an obstacle. And how, prey tell, did you find my 'toy stash?" Ukyo sighed, as she saw the box marked, 'David Hasselhoff fan collection box', sitting by the side of her bed. She figured that nobody would care to look in it with the label she had on it.  
  
Nabiki blinked, looking back at Ukyo guilelessly, "It was under your dresser, underneath the false floorboard, just to the left of the spring-loaded scythe, where you always keep it."  
  
"Nabiki, hon, shouldn't certain things have tipped you off that, well, I didn't want it FOUND?"  
  
Nabiki blinked twice more, "You know? I notice you don't wash this thing after every use, not that I'm really complaining; it allows me to feel closer to you."  
  
"Well, I'm usually in a hurry to hide it a…" the chef paused, as she realized what Nabiki was insinuating, "Ew…"  
  
The middle Tendou daughter shrugged, "That's why I insisted you go to the gynecologist, so I'm not too concerned "  
  
"I'm… I'm just gonna forget this incident, and you'll put everything back where it belonged. Try not to lose a hand while doing so," Ukyo sighed, deciding that sexual disorders were the norm in Nerima. If she wanted to deal with this, she would just go back home and live with her father.  
  
With a sigh, Ukyo returned downstairs, really wishing that Nabiki's crush wasn't so endearing and sweet (in a strictly platonic, unsettling, being stalked sort of way). The restaurant was already busy with welcome customers, and a few a little less than welcome.  
  
"Hey, Sugar," Ukyo greeted Akane with a cheerful smile, as raven-haired girl sat at the bar, before turning to Ranma, "Hello, Ranma."  
  
"Ah, hey Ukyo," the pigtailed young man greeted, put down at the nearly impersonal greeting.  
  
"So what brings you by?" the chef enquired, ignoring the small twinge of guilt she felt; hey, he started it first, ten years ago!  
  
Akane looked towards Ranma, and then answered for the both of them, "We thought it would be nice to stop by for a visit and a bite to eat."  
  
"Well, I guess it is nice to see you… the two of you," Ukyo quickly amended. Darn, that pang of guilt is worse than a bad case of acid reflux. "I guess it's alright as long as 'she' isn't harassing my customers."  
  
"Hey, you and me both, Ucch-… er, Ukyo."  
  
Ukyo sighed once again, wondering if an antacid will work just the same for her currently unsettling sensation, "Go ahead and call me Ucchan, everyone does."  
  
"Thanks.. Ucchan," Ranma responded, smiling sheepishly, but in gratitude.  
  
Ukyo blinked, before turning away and huffing before her blush was noticed, "Well, it's not fair to treat you different from any of my other paying customers."  
  
Akane held back her own sigh, wishing Ukyo could at least be a bit more civil towards the pigtailed boy. Akane herself vowed she was going to spend some time with the pigtailed boy instead of the pigtailed girl, and fondled with the locket in the pocket of her jacket. She had decided that she wanted to give it to him, primarily since she thought he would be more endeared to it. Sure the redhead would like it, but it would be put off to the side as an excuse for sex.  
  
"As if she needed one," Akane mumbled under her breath, finding mixed emotions on the notion.  
  
"What was that, hon?"  
  
Akane snapped to attention, and quickly put on a smile, "Oh, nothing."  
  
"Sure doesn't sound like nothing," Ukyo mused, "It's almost as if something sharp and metallic with a heavy grip handle was cutting through the air at high velocity… almost like it's heading for us..."  
  
Ranma just barely managed to leap from his stool, as a bowie knife buried itself into it. "HEY!"  
  
"Wha?" Akane pulled the knife out, finding an envelope tied to the handle, "This looks like one of Nabiki's…"  
  
"Doubt it, your sister's probably still getting her jollies off in my room right now," Ukyo counter-argued. She then realized that both Akane and Ranma were staring at her blankly, "Hey! I had nothing to do with her, I've been down here running the restaurant all morning, remember?"  
  
"Then, who's…?" Ranma took the envelope that had been attached to the handle, and opened it. After a few moments, his expression grew flat and unamused.  
  
"Well, what does it say?" Akane urged, wondering what managed to shift the pigtailed boy's mood.  
  
"I'm invited to Nerima's largest Gypsy orgy ever at the old abandoned theater," Ranma responded, flatly.  
  
"Hey, I always wanted to go-," Akane's beaming smile fell, as she saw Ranma disheartened expression staring at Ukyo's grill. Putting a hand on his back in comfort, Akane started again, "But it's not a big deal, I'm glad to be with you, enough as it is."  
  
"And Shampoo?" Ranma almost snapped, barely holding back his bitter tone.  
  
"Of course," the raven haired girl responded, "she means as much to me as you do." Ranma tried to favor Akane with a smile, but it fell short of his eyes. Akane tried to reinforce her smile for him, though Ranma's mood had really struck her, 'It's really starting to get to him, isn't it?'  
  
Ukyo was mirroring the same thoughts as Akane, "What Akane's trying to say... sugar... is that she cares about the both of you like... well like family, I guess." Ukyo couldn't think of a decent word that Ranma would be comfortable with; 'family' would just have to do.  
  
Ranma glanced up at the chef, noting the loss of the formality she had been favoring him with. His mood lightened up a bit more as she presented him and Akane their plates, "And this is on the house... for both of ya, so enjoy!"  
  
Akane smiled at Ukyo, who sighed, and smiled back, before turning her attention to other customers. Ranma was hesitatingly eating his meal, which was better than she had expected of him in his current mood. She turned her mind towards more important matters, such as who was it that delivered the invite in the first place. Shrugging, before concentrating on her food, she decided they would find out in a short time.  
  
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?"  
  
Akane rolled her eyes, as Ukyo jumped at the voice that suddenly appeared behind her, "Ryoga, what in the world are you doing back there?"  
  
"Ah..." Ryoga grinned nervously, before he quickly zipped up his pants, "I'm not at the Rocky Mountain Oyster?"  
  
"No, you're not, P-Chan," Akane responded in her drollest voice, favoring the lost boy with a hooded gaze.  
  
Ryoga turned to the raven-haired girl, as if just noticing her, "Who you calling P-Chan?"  
  
"Akane, just don't," Ranma half admonished, half pleaded. He wasn't sure what it was, but for a while, Akane had been less than friendly towards his rival in the martial arts. If he didn't know better, he would almost swear she was jealous when Ryoga was around.  
  
"And get on the other side, Ryoga; you have no business back here!" Ukyo commanded an order which the bandanna-clad young man quickly followed. Deftly flipping over the grill, Ryoga landed on the other side, and sat on the stool on the other side of Ranma, scooting as close to the pigtailed young man as he could without falling off his seat.  
  
"Th-thanks, Ranma... for standing up for me like that," Ryoga blushed slightly, trying not to seem demure.  
  
Ranma raised an eyebrow, and wondered from the flush composure if Ryoga was coming down with something, "Ah, sure, we're pals, after all."  
  
At the statement, Ryoga's heart broke once again, as it always does from just a misplaced word or two from Ranma, "Oh Ranma, is that only what you'll ever look at me as, a 'pal'?"  
  
"Uh... well you're a rival too, if it means that much to you."  
  
Ryoga blinked, "Um, did I say that out loud?" He chuckled nervously at Ranma and Ukyo's confirming nod, while Akane growled audibly.  
  
Ukyo shook her head at the spectacle, "You know, Ranma, you sure have an interesting romantic life."  
  
"Why so interested in everybody else's, you should work a bit on your own, though." Everyone turned to watch Nabiki descending the stairs from the upstairs apartment, dressed in one of Ukyo's outfits. The middle Tendou sister blushed at the attention she was getting, particularly from one girl, "Ah, I hope you don't mind, my clothes were a bit rumpled. I was kind of hoping I could throw them in your wash." A small lie, but it wasn't going to hurt anyone. Besides, there was a certain thrill, a sexual empowerment from wearing Ukyo's decidedly masculine clothing that sent shivers through her. Idly, she wondered if she should have tried on Ukyo's men's briefs, or better yet, one of her jock straps...  
  
"Always looking for an excuse to hang out," Ukyo sighed, "Fine, but I'm gonna insist that you wait tables while you're here. If I'm gonna be busy all day, you are too." Without argument, Nabiki cheerfully nodded, and headed for one of the occupied tables.  
  
Ukyo's amused and fond smile was interrupted by the sound of Akane clearing her throat. "So, I guess you and my sister are an item?"  
  
"Heck no! She's been stalking me!" Ukyo rebuked quickly.  
  
"But you don't seem to mind it," Akane teased, secretly glad to see the chef warming up to her sister.  
  
Ukyo shifted her eyes away, "Well, she isn't a complete nuisance, and she does have her moments."  
  
"You say the sweetest things, Ukyo-chan."  
  
"GAH!" The young chef in question was startled for the second time in ten minutes, "DOES EVERYONE NEED TO BE BEHIND THIS COUNTER?"  
  
"Well, I just thought since I'm being your cute little waitress for the day, you wouldn't mind..."  
  
"Quit pouting, Nabiki, it doesn't become you," Akane drolled, and shot a withering glare over at Ryoga when he nodded in agreement with her.  
  
Nabiki stuck her tongue out in retaliation to her younger sibling, before blinking, and spying what was in Ranma's hand, "Say, is that an ergonomic grip high black carbon steel bowie knife with a graphite-zytel finish?"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma looked at the knife in his hands, and shrugged, before Ukyo snatched it from him, handing it to Nabiki, "Here, you want it?" The middle Tendou sister squealed in delight, before favoring Ukyo with a peck on the cheek, and skipping off."  
  
"She, she's easy to please," Ukyo stammered at the knowing looks she was receiving from the three in front of her.  
  
Ranma sighed, "Well, as long as someone keeps her happy. She ain't much when I'm around, I'm afraid."  
  
"Oh Ranma," Both Akane and Ryoga cooed, before glaring at each other.  
  
"Back off, P-Chan" Akane mouthed.  
  
"Bite me, tomboy." Ryoga lipped.  
  
"I don't like pork products."  
  
"Doesn't seem to be helping you keep your 'girlish' figure..."  
  
"You two seem to be saying a lot without any sound," Ukyo interjected.  
  
"And you, young man, sound as if you are having issues concerning social acceptance from others."  
  
"Oh, hey Dr. Marvin," Ryoga greeted.  
  
The good doctor nodded in return, "Anyhow, Ranma was it? It seems that you find your relationship standing with the dear waitress over there in a bit of a confused standing, that you are solely responsible for her ills through voluntary or involuntary actions, mannerisms, or personality?"  
  
"Heh, sounds about right," Ranma groused, ignoring how Akane's fist slammed into Ryoga's face before the fanged boy could comfort him, and attempted to do so herself.  
  
Marvin nodded, before pulling out a blue book, "Perhaps you should-"  
  
"NO!" Ryoga jumped up attempting to intercept the book.  
  
"YOUNG MAN! WE ARE IN PUBLIC!"  
  
"Ryoga, what in the hell's wrong with you?" Ranma quipped, surprised at the sudden extreme reaction. Akane watched with a bemused expression, glad that the fanged boy was making an ass of himself, as Ukyo rolled her eyes at the spectacle.  
  
"This... ugh... book is not for... leggo... your eyes, Ranma!"  
  
"I greatly... cease at once young man... disagree. He can... Mmm, strong... greatly benefit from it's... please, now... contents!"  
  
With a sigh, and fearing for any property damage, Ukyo plucked the book from both men with little effort, and passed it to Ranma. Quickly, Ryoga dove after Ranma, before Dr. Marvin tackled him back to the ground.  
  
Shrugging, Ranma opened the book, and read aloud, "Often the subject's shifting moods are as much a complication as a catalyst. Both fueling and hindering their growth of confidence, rendering them incapable of properly relating normally to society, as well as allowing them the mild delusion that they do not require socially fitting in. It is important that the subject understands that..."  
  
Ranma blinked, and opened back to the first page, "Am I blue? A study in deteriorated confidence in Japan's youth."  
  
Ukyo raised an eyebrow, "I thought that book was about..."  
  
"Oh, that's just chapter four," Marvin commented with a shrug.  
  
Akane stared flatly at the lost boy, "This is what you were so in a tizzy about?"  
  
"Ranma's plenty confident as it is!" Ryoga argued, now comfortable with the unnatural, exciting sensation of a masculine frame draped over his back, "As much as I lov- er... do you really want him anymore obnoxious?"  
  
Ranma grumbled at the unified nods.

* * *

Across the street on a nearby rooftop, a figure enshrouded in black lowered the binoculars from its face; from the looks of things, Ranma wasn't going to be accepting the invitation. With a snort, the stealthy figure decided that it was going to get to enjoy itself even more.

* * *

Shampoo skipped merrily to her favorite airen's house, eager to reunite with the cute raven haired girl. She thought back when she had first met her two loves, and glad at how her life had changed. Although she was begrudgingly she admitted an endearment to the pigtailed young man as well as the redheaded girl, Akane would have to be the one that bore the heirs in the family; she would be damned to suffer having Ranma's candy cane stuffed into her Christmas stocking...  
  
"Ow," Shampoo grumbled, rubbing the back of her head and turning around. Looking down, she found what had hit her in the back of her head. She bent down, and picked it up in curiosity. It looked like a long mushroom, much like the endotake that the Japanese favored. Upon closer inspection, she wondered at the nearly opaque, gooey liquid at the tip...  
  
"Girl, okay, how about this, he puts his mushroom into your stewpot, until you both boil over, creating a great dish..."  
  
"ACK!!!!" Shampoo screeched, tossing down the latex, cylindrical object as if it were on fire. She turned to run, before another one smacked her in the forehead. Once again she started to hysterically scream, before one landed in her mouth, gagging her.  
  
The black clothed mercenary continued to fire dildos at the target below from the gas powered slingshot, forcing the lavender haired Amazon to run. Continuing to herd the Chinese girl, the figure grinned at the ease of the first prey. Finally, in her blind panic, the Amazon stumbled into a pitfall, screaming one final time before she probably passed out.  
  
Taking its finger off the trigger, the mercenary nodded in satisfaction. That 'cat trap' was laden with long, latex spears that were ribbed for her pleasure, thus keeping the lavender haired girl out of commission until she could be retrieved.  
  
One down.

* * *

Ukyo sighed in exasperation. This had been a rather trialsome day, even by the usual standards. As busy as it was, and the brouhaha during the morning, finalized by having to constantly fend off Nabiki's advances, Ukyo was just ready to collapse onto her bed. "Geez, you would think a girl would get enough of a hint already. At least she's persistent..." Ukyo chuckled at that, "If she were a guy, I wouldn't have any qualms about her."  
  
Ukyo stepped into her room, before her eyes caught something that hadn't been in there before. Her jaw dropped, as a trail of drool escaped the corner of her mouth, when she spied the fine Italian made men's power suit hanging against her wall. The young chef's knees nearly buckled, while she rubbed her thighs together. From just a scrutinizing observation, it looked to be cut for her form... presuming chest binders were in place and sock was stuffed properly down her briefs.  
  
Almost hypnotized, Ukyo slowly made her way to the outfit, stripped down, and began to don the expensive men's garb. In the back of her mind, she wondered how she would thank Nabiki for it; pretty sure it was her 'stalker' that gave it to her. Perhaps she would give Nabiki one try... well the suit was pretty darn expensive, it was the least she could do...  
  
As soon as she finished tying the tie around her neck, she felt her arms suddenly snap tight against her sides, and almost invisible twine tighten all around her. "What the...?"  
  
Ukyo struggled against the suddenly restraining business suit, and felt a sharp pinch into her thigh. Looking down, she discovered a dart lodged into her. The thing on the chef's mind before she passed out was relief that she wouldn't have to give up her virginity to Nabiki after all.

* * *

Akane rubbed her eyes, still struggling with her sleep muddled mind as she answered the door. She had only come downstairs to see if anything had been started for breakfast, as Kasumi had been spending the night at Tofu's along with Wiggly-chan. Putting on her best possible (at the moment) greeting expression, Akane met the morning visitor, "Hello... Great-Grandmother?"  
  
"Greetings, daughter-in-law," Cologne returned, "I apologize for bothering you at this time of morning, but I would like to request that you have my Great-Granddaughter untied, washed up, fully clothed, and returned to me for the day. I'm expecting a rather large rush at the Cat Cafe, and require her help." Cologne tilted her head, "Perhaps I could ask for your assistance as well?"  
  
"Mmm," Akane responded, attempting to get her mind back, "She wasn't here last night, I missed her."  
  
"Strange..." Cologne mused, "She hadn't returned last night, and she hasn't checked in since I last saw her. That is far from like her."  
  
"I haven't seen her since yesterday morning," Akane admitted, allowing her own worry to grow. "Ranma and I will help you look for... her... is that Nabiki?"  
  
Cologne turned around, finding the middle Tendou sister, rushing through the gates frantically, before nearly tackling her sister. "UKYO'S MISSING!"  
  
"N-Nabiki, not in front of the neighbors!" Akane pleaded, trying to gently remove her sister's grip from her sheer nightie. The thing was rather delicate, after all.  
  
"She hasn't been to bed, and she needs to open her restaurant in an hour!"  
  
"Child, calm down," Cologne demanded, "How are you aware she is missing? Could she perhaps gone out for supplies?"  
  
Nabiki shook her head, "I've been watching through her window all night, her clothes were all over the floor, and her bed's still made from when I made it for her yesterday."  
  
"How very observant of you," Cologne drawled, as Akane resignedly shook her head, "And that also explains the full black outfit and grappling harness around your torso."  
  
"Sis, you really are stalking Ukyo..."  
  
Nabiki snorted, "I think it's romantic. And it's not stalking, I merely a passive-interactive associative anthropological observer."  
  
"Same word, more syllables," Cologne pointed out, "but that's not the issue. It seems that both Shampoo and the young chef have disappeared. Maybe we should treat this situation with more concern?"  
  
Akane nodded, finally shaking her sister off without damaging the nightie she knew Ranma (the male Ranma) seemed to enjoy seeing her in most, "I'll go wake up Ranma. Hopefully he can stay male and undistracted to help."  
  
"I'll go check at Ukyo's to see if she returns," Nabiki volunteered."  
  
"Try not to hang outside her window, it's not like people don't already talk," Akane drawled.  
  
"Sis, give me a little credit," Nabiki returned with a disgusted tone, "I'll just pick the lock. She won't be there for the alarm to alert her to me breaking in, and it only took me a few times to learn how to shut it off once I was inside."  
  
Cologne and Akane looked at each other with hooded gazes, and then turned them to the middle Tendou sister. "You do that," they both said in flat tandem.  
  
"Whuzzup guys?" Ranma asked, as Nabiki took off running for Ucchan's, coming up behind Akane.  
  
"Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo are missing," Akane informed him with more than a little worry in her voice.  
  
Ranma's expression pursed out of both concern for the young Amazon and hearing Akane upset, "I'll get on top of it." With that, he was already heading for the Tendou ground surrounding walls.  
  
"Akane dear, perhaps it may be best if you find a safe place to remain for the time being." Cologne suggested, "Not that I do not have confidence in your abilities, but both Ukyo and Shampoo were also formidable. Whoever is behind this may be even a more wily foe for Son-In-Law."  
  
Begrudgingly, Akane nodded, "I can head over to Dr. Tofu's. Both Him and Wiggly-chan are pretty strong."  
  
"Yes... the tree," Cologne recalled with less than favorable attitude, "Indeed that beast is... formidable. I shall escort you to this possible safe-haven, then."

* * *

Ranma had no idea where to start, just choosing to make a beeline from the Tendou home to the Cat Cafe. Hopefully, he could find a trail that will help him wrap this all up.  
  
Of course, he wouldn't find one, it would just find him.  
  
Hearing the sound of something cutting through the air, Ranma twisted in mid-jump, just pulling away from the sharp blade that had been aimed for the back of his throat. Using the momentum of his twist, he kicked at his airborne assailant, finding his foot meeting against the flat of its blade.  
  
Both combatants landed apart from each other in a crotch, allowing Ranma to get a good look at his assailant, "Wha? H-Happosai?"  
  
The diminutive black clad figure with a black mask snorted, before tossing something in Ranma's direction. The pigtailed martial artist adjusted to swat whatever it was out of the way, before his instincts kicked in, screaming at him to avoid it.  
  
In a last moment effort, Ranma ducked the projectile, allowing it to clash into the wall next to him, and explode. The blast sent him flying into the house across the street, causing the wall of it to collapse upon him.

* * *

Nabiki quietly stalked upstairs, fretting at either finding an irritated Ukyo waiting for her, or not finding Ukyo at all. She had dearly hoped for the former. Once again, she entered Ukyo's bedroom, and sagged at not finding her beloved chef present. Spying Ukyo's clothes, Nabiki picked them up, sniffing them to find out how recent their wear was... well that was her excuse, anyhow. As she picked them up, a slip of paper fell from it.  
  
"Invitation to Nerima's largest Gypsy Orgy..."

* * *

Cologne was relieved that the trip to Tofu's had been uneventful. After leaving Akane in the care of its residents, the Amazon Matriarch set out to begin her search. She already surmised that Ranma would cover the route between the Tendous and the Cat Cafe, so she endeavored to search the areas that she knew Shampoo to frequent. It was half-way to the chastity belt shop that she sensed the attack.  
  
"HA!" Cologne crowed, turning to defend against any oncoming attack with her staff, "You're three hundred years too young to defeat me... eh?"  
  
The only thing Cologne's staff met with was the cup of a bra.  
  
"What's this?" The ancient Amazon enquired, checking tag, "New and improved wonder bra. Guaranteed to liven up even the most decrepit troll. Prevents sagging, backaches, and Chlamydia."  
  
Cologne looked around, ensuring no one was looking; her old bones always felt the weight of what had once been the two greatest of her prides. It didn't take long for her to realize her foolish mistake, as the odorless powder the bra was laced with began to work on her.

* * *

"Grrr," Ranma growled, no longer stunned, and pulling himself out of the rubble, "That old letch, I'm gonna make sure he regrets ever coming back to Nerima..." Stalking out of the ruin, Ranma paused, finding something his foot stepping on a cloth, "Wha? This is one of Ryoga's bandannas... What would Ryoga have to do with a Gypsy Org.."  
  
Ranma quickly put two and two together, "Great, Ryoga's probably kidnapped too. The old pervert means business, whatever it is this time..."

* * *

Ranma landed back within the Tendou grounds softly, hoping to find Cologne or Akane present so they could compare notes on the search. Ranma already had a pretty good idea that Happosai was the one behind the disappearances, having added by circumstantial evidence that Ryoga was upon the list. He was also concerned about Akane.  
  
Shampoo and Ryoga weren't exactly pushovers, and they were close to the pigtailed martial artist in one way or another. Akane was... closer than both of them, much closer. Since he had arrived in Nerima with his curse, he had to admit that the craziness that had surrounded them all was tied directly to him. This new incident worried him that someone was targeting him through his friends, and knew he had his lovely curse to blame for that.  
  
Almost teleporting to the front door, Ranma stopped, and breathed a little easier at reading the note on the door.  
  
"I am aware you may realize your concern  
for your other beloved, so fear not, Son-In-Law.  
We both deemed it best that she await your  
return at Dr. Tofu's clinic. Once you have  
completed your part of the search, we will  
meet there.  
  
Ku LoN"  
  
Ranma began to turn away from the door, and head towards the clinic, when something about the note caught his eye. It was Cologne's note, spelling her name in katakana as all foreign words were, but the clean cut that started from the middle, and made its way all the way through to the bottom...  
  
The pigtailed martial artist flipped up the note to study the tear, before noticing the cut wasn't just through the paper, but the door as well.  
  
Happosai reintroduced himself by trying to ventilate Ranma's neck...  
  
Ranma was a blur, and almost five rooftops towards the doctor's clinic when the realization immediately set in. The tunnel of vision that blurred his surroundings into one vortex only allowed for one visible sight; the path to where Akane was.  
  
With a tremendous leap, Ranma forgone having to roof hop upon seven buildings, landing on the street before the entrance to Tofu Ono's clinic. "Oh gods..."  
  
The front door was blown inwards, with scorch marks blackening the damaged frame. From the looks of the rest of the outside of the building, whatever happened was big.  
  
Inside, Ranma's breath stopped at the sheer amount of damage done within, and his blood grew cold at what it meant, "Akane? AKANE! Tofu? Anyone?"  
  
Rushing from room to room, Ranma found no trace of Akane, Tofu, or Kasumi. Fearfully, Ranma stepped back out of the last room, allowing the emotion of dread to nearly overtake him. Before it could happen, he jerked, somersaulting forward and away from whatever just grabbed his leg, "HAPPOSAI, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH AK-... Wiggly-chan?"  
  
The tree in question seemed to nod, as it crawled weakly on its branches, dragging the nearly shattered pot it stayed in behind it. In concern, Ranma rushed towards it, standing it upright, "What happened here? Where's Akane? Was it Happosai that attacked you guys? Come on, boy... girl.. whatever, you can tell me!"  
  
In reply, Wiggly-chan handed Ranma a flyer. The pigtailed boy took it, and knew that the attendance to this 'Gypsy Orgy' was mandatory.

* * *

Ranma stood in front of the Ol' Nerima Kabuki theater, condemned recently due to the dry rot of the structure, and labeled as unrepairable under the district's budget. The only reason it remained standing was in hopes that one of the Japanese historical societies may pick up the project.  
  
"Hmm, seems like a weird place for an orgy," Ranma dry-quipped to himself, not that he knew a proper place to hold one anyhow. He wasn't surprised to find the door wide open, even at that time of night, inviting him in. Not one to disappoint, Ranma entered, though quietly, tensing to evade in any fashion from a surprise attack.  
  
Almost disappointed, Ranma ventured into the main auditorium uninhibited, finding all the theater seats had been vacated, leaving a baron circle around a large elevated circular stage. The lights were dimmed, except for one that shown on the foot bridge that lead onto the stage. Taking the hint, Ranma forwent the pathway, and leapt onto the stage. "Alright, this obviously ain't an orgy or anything, so you may as well drop the act. What did you do to my friends?"  
  
At the demand, the lights immediately went off. Ranma braced for an attack, when he heard the sounds of rope growing taunt from a weight snapping them straight. When the lights came back on, Ranma found himself surrounded by everyone. "How...?"  
  
Cologne, Ukyo, Ryoga, Shampoo, Tofu, Kasumi, Nabiki, Kodachi, and... Akane. They were all nude, suspended in the air by the ropes that bound them, circling the rim of the stage fifteen feet in the air. Every one of them was conscious, as they stared wide-eyed at Ranma, either fearful, hopeful, or accusing.  
  
"Saotome, you best hurry up and get me down from here, or so help me..." Nabiki growled, agitated by the way the nylon rope was burning rather uncomfortably into unmentionable areas.  
  
Ukyo turned to give Nabiki a hooded gaze, "Why you blaming him? You're the one who decided to come in her half-cocked for the rescue."  
  
Nabiki blushed, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
"I'll have you down in a sec, Akane," Ranma attempted to placate, and tensed for the jump...  
  
"Not yet, you don't. Not after all the trouble I went to getting you here."  
  
At the voice, Ranma looked up, finding the same black-clad figure that had attacked him earlier, suspended upside down above him, with eyes glaring intensely at him. "Y-You're not Happosai!"  
  
The figure kicked its feet from whatever they were lodged in, deftly somersaulting to the ground and landing in a kneel, "Of course not, I made sure the old pervert was kept busy until I can deal with him later. Having him here would... complicate things." Standing, the figure removed the mask it was wearing, revealing more than just the hard staring blue eyes, "Surprised to see me, Ms. Pervert Number One?" She smirked, her dangerous smile looking completely in place with the camouflage face paint.  
  
"It was rather obvious who was behind all this," Cologne drolled, having figured it out before she had passed out from the knockout bra.  
  
"Who else would it have been?" Nabiki sighed, earning a nod from Ukyo.  
  
"Oh my, it wasn't very hard to figure out," Kasumi added.  
  
"Who is this?" Kodachi enquired.  
  
"Lil' Suzy, some sociopathic American girl with a gun fetish," Akane answered.  
  
"DAMN IT! COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST ACT SURPRISED?" Lil' Suzy shouted indignantly.  
  
"I was surprised," Ranma admitted.  
  
"It's nice to meet you, Ms. Suzy," Tofu greeted, "My, and aren't you a big girl?" The bullet that whizzed by his cheek told the good doctor that his patronizing was not welcome.  
  
Keeping the gun out, the ten year old mercenary circled Ranma, "We have a score to settle, Ms. Pervert."  
  
"Hey, don't confuse me with... her!" Ranma demanded, matching her strafing steps wearily.  
  
"Primary Target: Ranma Saotome, a.k.a. 'Ms. Pervert Number One'. Ability to change sexes when introduced to untepid temperatures," To demonstrate this, Suzy pulled a rope, once she was next to it. Ranma was caught unaware by the deluge, cursing himself for not paying attention to the fact that she was maneuvering him to where she wanted him.  
  
"Whaddya do that for?"  
  
"Primary target's perverted flaw is the inability to contain her sexual appetite. This will prove beneficial, as she will have difficulty focusing."  
  
Ranma paused a second from looking around the theater and licking her lips like a lion in a meat locker, "Huh?"  
  
"Hard to concentrate with all the flesh on display, isn't it, Ms. Pervert?" Lil' Suzy quipped, slowly reaching behind her back with her other hand. "Some of it you've already had, some of it you can't wait to try out..."  
  
"Akane," Ukyo spoke just above a whisper to get the raven haired girl's attention, "Doesn't Suzy sound different to you?"  
  
Akane nodded, realizing that the girl had lost her cutesy, almost exaggerated sweet countenance, replacing it with a eerily serious and dangerous one, a lot more intelligent than she would credit a ten year old. Akane looked closer, and her eyes widened, "RANMA! WATCH OUT, SHE'S A LOT MORE DANGEROUS THIS TIME!"  
  
The redheaded girl had already figured it out, trying her best to keep trained on the pint sized mercenary across from her. The look in her eyes, it was like the looks she had heard that old Japanese war soldiers got from seeing too much battle, or seasoned martial artists who had been in waaaaayyyy too many fights.  
  
That piercing stare, the one that seemed to be going right through Ranma... a thousand yard stare.  
  
"If you pardon my language, I'm through fucking around with you," Suzy stated, almost matter-of-factly.  
  
"Geez, what set you off," Ranma-chan enquired; she hadn't even seen the girl in ages, and now she has an even bigger mad-on for her than before.  
  
"Because of you, I've seen HELL!" Suzy retorted intensely. Nabiki, Akane, and Ranma blinked, turning to look at Ryoga.  
  
"Hey, why am I here?" Ukyo demanded, "I barely even like the jerk!"  
  
"Here here!" Nabiki agreed.  
  
"Ukyo!"  
  
"Sorry, Akane sugar, but facts are facts."  
  
"Subsidiary target, Ukyo Konji. Sexual deviation being an 'androvestiphilliac', as well as playing with the hearts of young girls."  
  
"What...?" Ukyo responded, shocked, as she looked around at the suddenly speculative stares she was receiving. The only one not suddenly wondering was Nabiki, who was glaring at Ukyo with a betrayed expression. "Hey! Don't look at me like that, she was coming onto ME!"  
  
"Then I guess you want to finally settle this?" Ranma enquired, surprisingly serious for her current gender.  
  
"I win, I put you six feet under," Suzy stated, "You win, well you get a veritable sexual feast, everyone included."  
  
"Hmm, everyone?" Ranma parroted.  
  
"Yes, everyone," Suzy stated, sounding more than a little irritated.  
  
"Including you?"  
  
"I said everyone!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You don't have to sound giddy about it," Suzy drolled.  
  
"Oooh, Loli-" Ranma never got to complete the statement, as she was interrupted by the strong objections from Mommy and Daddy.  
  
Suzy continued to trail Ranma, keeping the redhead within the sights of ' Mommy' and 'Daddy', emptying both clips in her opening salvo. She growled, as she continued to pull the trigger, and no rounds were being expelled.  
  
Sensing the opportunity, Ranma rushed at the little girl, intending to end it quickly; no sense wasting stamina now, after all. Unfortunately, Suzy grinned, satisfied that her nemesis took the bait, and lobbed her empty guns at her. Ranma pack peddled, and twisted out of the way as both guns suddenly sprouted blades, and spun at her like shiruken.  
  
While she was distracted, Suzy stomped on the ground, setting off the switch under her foot, which in turn launched a rifle from a trap door in front of her. When Ranma regained her footing, she was forced to dive out of the way of a very long, and very large hole inducing bullet.  
  
Suzy slid back slightly from the recoil of the Mountain Eagle rifle, and knelt to brace more firmly. Drawing a bead on the redhead, she didn't fire until she was sure of her aim.  
  
The pigtailed girl attempted to close in on the young girl, before twisting to the side, and finding the front of her shirt torn through by the bullet. Just another few inches...  
  
Realizing that this wouldn't be a battle she could win as it was, Ranma decided it best to invoke the Saotome Secret technique. Recovering into a roll from her evade, Ranma rushed for the edge of the stage.  
  
"You take a step off this stage, and one of them gets a bullet in your place."  
  
Ranma came to a screeching halt, teetering on the edge of elevated platform.  
  
"Glad you were listening," Suzy congratulated, lowering her laser sighted handgun, and taking the small red light from Kasumi's forehead.  
  
"Alright, ain't this going a bit far?" Ranma tried to rationalize, finding this much more serious than before, "If you have a beef with me, leave it with me!"  
  
"No, if I did that, then one of you perverts would just take up the mantle of alpha pervert," Suzy explained, "And I can't rest until every last one of you is out of existence."  
  
Ranma went airborne, hoping to surprise the little mercenary, "Then I'm gonna have to get serious about this, too!" At home in the air, Ranma simply tumbled and spun out of the way of each bullet, as she descended upon Suzy.  
  
"HEY! WHOA! YIKES!!!" Ryoga shouted, as the last bullet fired nearly ended his family line in a slightly less deadly way.  
  
Ranma landed with a dart kick, crashing her foot through the stage. Unfortunately, Suzy already rolled out of the way, tossing the expended rifle away. She hammered her fist into the floor, triggering another switch, and caught the berretta that launched from another trap door. "Careful, Ms. Pervert, you wouldn't want me to accidentally hit one of your friends, would you?"  
  
Ranma paused, realizing how much she nearly endangered just one of them. She was now grounded, trapped, and very much more vulnerable. With it all or nothing, Ranma rushed at the girl with all her speed, catching Suzy completely by surprise as she seemed to just teleport, and uppercut the girl.  
  
The little mercenary rolled with the attack, firing off several rounds before she saw Ranma dash to her flank. Almost reflexively, she lashed out, catching the redhead in the chin with the butt of the gun, and losing it in the process. Without a weapon, she stomped the ground on another switch to retrieve another gun.  
  
Ranma was now onto her, as she attacked the location her enemy was in, destroying that part of the stage. Lil' Suzy proved to be two steps ahead, as she dove to the other side of the stage, catching the twin uzis that launched from a trap door away from where she had been.  
  
Still sliding on the ground, Suzy fired an intense volley at Ranma, driving her away and forcing her to duck low to avoid getting hit. Intent on keeping the advantage, the little girl rose to standing, adjusting her aim towards the low crouching figure. Thinking fast, Ranma pounded both her fists into the wooden stage, and dove into the hole.  
  
The little soldier growled, as she saw her remaining weapons stash launch from under the stage through the side, before she was launched herself into the air. "That takes care of your little artillery, you brat!"  
  
"A good soldier doesn't rely solely on reinforcements," Suzy retorted, lobbing a grenade at the crux of her ire. Ranma caught the explosive, lobbing it away from the stage at near escape velocity. It had well left the building before it exploded.

* * *

Nabiki raised an eyebrow, as she watched Ukyo straining, "I thought a gorgeous figure like yourself could handle hanging around."  
  
Ukyo opened her eyes to give Nabiki a baleful glance, "I'm trying to concentrate, alright?"  
  
"On what?" the middle Tendou sister enquired.  
  
"Got a... ugh... extra spatula... handy."  
  
"Handy, and where, prey tell is this 'handy' extra spatula?" Nabiki asked sardonically, inspecting and admiring Ukyo's naked form.  
  
Ukyo blushed, "Secret compartment..."  
  
That was then when Nabiki noticed the way the chef's stomach muscles were clenching, "You... didn't..."  
  
"Quiet please," Ukyo requested, "I need to... hnnn... focus on not splitting myself open working this thing out... GOT IT!" Ukyo caught the gleaming weapon between her feet before it could fall to the ground, and swung her legs up towards the rope holding her. Carefully, she worked on slicing through her bindings.  
  
"Exactly WHY did you have that in there in the first place?" Nabiki had to ask.

* * *

Figuring Ranma distracted, Suzy attempted to redraw her uzis, though not with much faith that the inaccurate spread would yield results against her impossibly fast opponent. In retaliation, Ranma kicked against the floor, shattering the wood before her, and sending the splinters sailing at the girl. Quickly, the small mercenary crossed her guns in front of her to protect her face, while allowing her durable uniform to take the sharp wood shards with no affect at all.  
  
The redhead followed up her smokescreen, drawing back her fist for the end game. She didn't expect the young girl to be playing possum, as Suzy suddenly rolled forward, under the blow. Ranma turned to track the girl, before she felt something against her foot.  
  
Suzy recovered from her escape at the same time Ranma was launched into the air by the grenade, and pulled out her U.S. Marine shortblade, and lobbed it at the airborne redhead.  
  
Ranma knew victory was close. The girl had finally run out of ammo, resorting to explosives and bladed weapons. Recovering her equilibrium in the air, Ranma twisted around the knife, before landing deftly on her feet, and charging at the rather surprised looking girl. Ranma was prepared for the girl to make an evade attempt in any direction, and counter it. Unfortunately, she had forgotten one thing.  
  
The shock on Suzy's face promptly disappeared, once she realized Ranma fell for the bait. With a serious, cold expression, she pulled out the handgun with the laser sight attached to it, taking careful aim.  
  
Ranma wasn't sure where she managed the extra bit of speed, but she barely managed to duck into a slide, as the bullet clipped off a few stray hairs from her bangs. Her slide carried her into a kick that knocked the wind from her opponent, felling her away.  
  
Akane Tendou started to gasp in relief, as she watched Ranma from behind as her sliding kick virtually ended the fight. Her shout of joy at her love's victory wasn't able to come, as it would have been covered by the sound of the gun reporting a second time. Her body lurched on the rope, as the wayward bullet slammed into her chest.  
  
"AKANE!!!"  
  
Ranma quickly turned at Shampoo's shout, just in time to see Akane swing forward listlessly, lifelessly.  
  
"That fucking hurt," Suzy commented weakly, as she slowly came to standing. She pulled a rope next to her, causing a rifle to fall from the ceiling into her hands, "but I'm not done yet. This isn't over until you and your pervert playmates are bagged and tagged." She narrowed her eyes, when it seemed Ranma wasn't listening to her, "Ms. Pervert, I'm talking here..."  
  
The redhead never turned around, as the dark red aura grew into existence around her. Unlike ever before, it radiated with an intensity that everyone felt, without even it expanding. This time, it didn't register to them as lust inducing, as it rocked their senses with pure malice.  
  
Lil' Suzy thought Ranma was fast before; just barely getting the shaft of her rifle in front of her to intercept the fist she figured was aimed at her head. Sliding off the end of the stage, she tossed the two halves of her broken gun away, pulling out the sighted handgun, kicking to a kneel, and firing.  
  
It was a shock to everyone, as Ranma's head whipped back from the direct single hit.  
  
The little girl almost giggled, before she remembered who she was, released the spent clip from her gun, and slamming a full one in. "That was entertaining, but this was going to end tonight."  
  
Ranma's head slowly leaned back forward, glaring hatefully at the girl, and allowing the flattened bullet to fall from her forehead.  
  
At the sight, Suzy's moment of triumph was shattered, and her composure broke; realizing that this was checkmate. There would be no begging, pleading for mercy. Suzy simply let her nemesis slam her into the ground, pinning her by the neck, with one hand raised above her head. Her whole blood red aura consolidated into a ball in the palm of her head that pulsed heavily.  
  
"STOP IT!" Ukyo demanded, slamming into Ranma from behind, toppling the redhead.  
  
Ranma nearly turned upon Ukyo, who stood firmly, "YOU JACKASS! WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT? KILLING HER, OR AKANE?!?"  
  
Ranma's eyes refocused, shocked at herself. She quickly turned to look towards the youngest Tendou girl, finding Nabiki and Shampoo working frantically to get her down. Immediately, Nabiki pushed the frantic young Amazon to the side, inspecting Akane's body, hoping that the lack of blood was a better sign than what their eyes had seen her body do.  
  
Nabiki found her breath again, as she began to sob, "Sh-she's alive... SHE'S OKAY!"  
  
Ranma was broken from her trance at the proclamation, and rushed forward. Ukyo knelt down before Suzy, checking on the girl, "Hey, hon, you okay?"  
  
Ukyo blinked, finding tears escaping from the little girl's face, the same little girl that fought like a highly trained Special Forces operative. Nonetheless, she was still a girl, one desperately in need of comfort, as she lunged at the young chef, wrapping her arms around her, and breaking down completely.  
  
Ranma repeated Ukyo's actions over Akane, her lip trembling at the weak smile Akane was trying to give her. "This... this is for you," Akane whispered, handing Ranma the necklace Nabiki removed from around her sister's neck.  
  
Hesitatingly, the redhead took it, noticing the bullet lodged in the heart shaped locket. "Akane?"  
  
"I'm... afraid it's a little broken," Akane managed to choke out, before passing out from the pain of her broken collarbone. Ranma's hands braced against the floor, as she attempted to hold back her own tears.  
  
"Hot water... someone get me some hot water, damn it." 


	51. A Maiden's love

"I have called you all on a grave matter of importance. One that not a single one of you could possibly refuse." A young lady, in the peak of her teens, stated. She continued to stare out the window of her stately European stylized house that had been her family's home since the turn of the century. She needed not turn around to see her company, already knowing each one, as she had personally called each of them. 

"Lass, as long as ye be pay'n like promised, we refuse ye nuth'n." The lankey Scottish man quipped, before taking another bite out of his protein energy bar.

"Though it be God's will to assist those in need, it is his will done for those most charitable to the church." The nun smiled serenely, causing her lovely matured face to glow with an almost visible golden corona. "Your donation to our the church has earned our blessings, and my services."

"lololololol!z 2 g3+ p!d!" unintelligably spoke the computer hooked up in its own chair among the rest.

"Will somebody be silenc'n that abomination?"

"That is quite enough, you two," the regal young lady commanded, turning finally to face her audience, "As for the matter I spoke of, it is one..." she looked down, causing her blue hair to fall in wavy locks around her face, framing it almost perfectly, and blushed demurely, "It is a matter of the heart."

"Ye don' be say'n lass," the Scottsman said with great sympathy, "Ye do have my Swiss bank account number, aye?"

The young woman brushed a perfectly curled locke of blue hair from her delicate face, "Upon that table before you is an envelope of photos that portray my true love. I would permit nothing to stand between us and our destined companionship. Alas, there are several... agents that may prove wily if not contended with."

"Well, with God speed, it be best we, as they say, 'get down to business'. Let us know who the Lord hath guided us to grant your soul unity with," With no more fanfare, the nun, a beauty even in her habbot and her mid-thirties, retrieved the manilla enveloped before her, and withdrew the photos, "Um... oh dear..."

At the nun's exclamation, the Scottish mercenary looked over at the photos, before shrugging, and looking back to his current employer, "Eh, not that I'm complaining, missie, but do ye think ye may be pay'n us a wee' but much for des?"

"For my love, money is NO object."

The sister managed to somewhat recover herself, "Well... if this be God's will for this match to be... um... as unGodly and blasphemous match this may be... our task is righteous..."

"-L5! -L5! lololololololololololo-"

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT IT UP?"

The nun glared at the screen.

"-lolol-I'llbegood..."

"Thank ye. I admit, this be a bit of a moral conumdrum. I mean aside from yon' unchristian issue, I hate te be remov'n two lovely flowers from the gene pool. If ye want te help me get over it, I may have to request an altercation of the original agreed price..."

The nun sighed, "The lord may be more forgiving of this herasy, if your heart gives much charity."

The young woman's eye twitched, but she was turned towards the window, disallowing them from seeing her irritated expression, "My love knows no bounds... or price... voice your request."

"Well, I be suggest'n five nine by twelve glossys of the two of ye in action, it only be fair now..."

"Pig."

"lol"

* * *

"I can't believe Nabiki would just take off like that!" Akane sighed, before turning to Ranma for a response. The pigtailed boy sighed, walking next to his recently recovered fiancee, steadfastly remaining in her presence as if an attack on her could happen any second. As much as the raven haired girl enjoyed his company, she was beginning to find it a tad... overbearing.

Ranma couldn't say anything. Quite frankly, he understood why she probably left; after everything that went down just the prior week, he was surprised he hadn't been run out of Nerima himself. The whole ordeal with Suzy brought a lot home, even to his girl side. In fact, he would even be surprised at the fact that his girlside would quickly seek out hot water whenever she manifested... if not for the fact he was infinitely glad about it.

It was also somewhat a blessing that Ukyo closed her restaurant (at least temporarily), as she took Lil' Suzy somewhere unawares, most likely to get her away from Ranma. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, 'Kane," Ranma attempted to console the girl, "I mean, your sister's smart enough to take care of herself, and I'm pretty sure she had her reasons for not letting anyone know she left."

"But, I mean we all could have used her, I was shot after all," Akane retorted with a slight bitterness getting into her voice.

"Yeah, it was a miracle you're okay," Ranma whispered, realizing he could never forgive himself for her even coming that close.

"Yes, even if your beliefs are... misplaced, the true Lord will present his blessings upon all his flock, including you, young sir and this girl here."

"WHA?" Ranma jolted, immidiately striking a fighting stance; he didn't even sense anyone approaching! "Who... who the...?"

Akane and Ranma blinked, finding a woman dressed in black gown of some sort with a white neck and hood, completed with a black hood over that. Even with Christianity rather common in Japan, it took them both a moment to realize what the garb represented. "A... nun?"

From under the hood, the woman smiled serenely as the rest of her face remained hidden. "Go with God, children." With that, she walked past them both.

"Uh, what was that all about?" Ranma enquired, though still feeling a slight unease from the presence of the woman.

Akane could only shake her head, "Come on, or we'll be late meeting with Shampoo."

The nun's smile grew a bit more, as she pulled her hands from out of her sleeves, holding a radio, "Target identified."

"Aye, I see em."

The nun looked towards a telephone pole across on the left side of the street in the direction the two teens were heading in, spying a service worker idly twirling a wrench in his right hand. "I shall move into position so that I may partake in my role."

The service worker nodded, and replied, "Ye do that. Haxxor, are ye prepared?"

"-4 0RZ!"

"However you pronounce ye Goddamned name..."

"Your blasphemous invocation of the Lord's might is not appreciated."

"Blast ye, people, we're trying to be PROFESSIONAL here!"

"Forgive me, Mr. McMahon, but please understand my sensitivity to such decrees."

With a feral smirk, the service worker stopped twirling the wrench in his right hand, "Ah understand, sister Mary. But on the job, I appreciate ye us'n my nom de guerrer..." He suddenly hurled the heavy tool down towards his targets, "RIGHT HAND McMAHON!"

"Wha... LOOK OUT!" Ranma shouted, pushing Akane to the side, just barely twisting the other way himself to avoid the unidentified projectile.

"AH!" Akane shouted, as she felt the suction from the vortex trail the hurled item left in its wake. Immidiately, the wall next to them shattered, almost seeming to explode from the impact and sending up a smokescreen of dust and debris between the two.

"AKANE!" Ranma rushed into the dustcloud, intending to quickly get to his fiancee, and ensure her safety, when the electronically timed sprinkler system that had been in the lawn on the other side of the wall turned on, off of it's scheduled time

"The lass's be separated now, ye think we can ask for e hand from God now?"

"The Lord grants favor to the rightous," Sister Mary almost whispered, "just as he grants his divine gifts to those who surrender completely to his grace." The nun bowed her head, clutching the overly elaborate cross in both hands, as a blinding light enveloped her...

"AKANE! WHERE ARE YA?" Ranma-chan shouted out, awaiting an answer through the thick dust and spraying water.

"Ranma-sama?"

With a sigh of relief, the pigtailed girl moved towards Akane's voice, but paused at the sound of something whistling through the air. Above them, a sliver of light sliced through the powerlines above them, causing their decent into the newly formed puddles of water...

The same puddles she and Akane were currently ankle deep in.

* * *

"Ugh!" Ranma groaned, as if she had several volts of electricity sent through her, "What happened?"

"Glad to see you're awake finally..."

Ranma blinked, before sitting up, "Who?"

"Please rest, Ranma, you seemed to have been pretty shaken up."

"Dr. Tofu?" Ranma came to full awake, scouting the room around her, it was the guest room at the Tendous, "Where's Akane"

* * *

Shampoo grumbled, highly irritated by her grandmother's decree for her to continue working, as her two beloveds hadn't shown up yet. "They have fun without Shampoo. Well, Shampoo show them. When Shampoo get more instant spring of drowned man, Shampoo stick her keycard into Akane and Ranma teller machine and make them both really, really happy, and they feel much much pain when is giving child birth! Then, Shampoo have last laugh for leaving Shampoo lonely and-huh?"

Shampoo watched, as a Catholic nun bounded from rooftop to rooftop, carrying a familiar, bound and gagged bundle on her shoulder. "Hmm, Shampoo no see this every day..." Shampoo set out to follow behind the woman carrying one of her beloveds, wondering what wierd game Ranma had thought up now, "Stupid Japanese and their Nun fetish"

* * *

The pigtailed young man looked on, as the emergency crews worked in the cordained off area, "You said you only found me here?"

Tofu nodded, "Yes, it was unusual, and we called to the Cat Cafe to find if Akane had gone off by herself. Cologne told us that neither she nor Shampoo were around, but would keep an eye out for Akane."

"I think we were attacked," Ranma stated, simply, "Someone kidnapped Akane!"

"If that's true, do you know which way to look?"

Ranma grit his teeth, "But I can't just simply do nothing!"

The good doctor nodded in understanding, "I'll help you search for her, as well as call Cologne and Shampoo, Mr. Tendou, and your father. Between the six of us, I'm sure we'll figure out where she went in no time."

"Well, while you're doing that, I'm gonna head down that way, you guys take the other areas," Ranma commanded.

"Alright, we'll all start looking as soon as we can."

Ranma smiled in appreciation, "Thanks, I... I think I might need all the help I can get."

With a beaming smile, Tofu slapped Ranma on the back, "Hey, what are friends for?"

"Ah, just one thing, doc..." Ranma began sheepishly, "did ya really have to leave the house wearing the makeup and wig? I mean I can ignore it for the most part, but being seen out in public with you is kinda embarrasing."

Tofu sighed, "But I'll forfeit my turn to be the man tonight if Kasumi found out I removed this!"

* * *

"Is she here? Is she here?" the young enquired frantically, while bouncing on the balls of her feet like a child ready to accept her Birthday presents.

"Will ye jess cool yeself, lasse, she should be here any moment, now." The irritated Scottsman retorted, as he idly played with a handfull of jellybeans. "Ye know? for a rich and regal lesbian, I wouldae thought ye to be a bit more reserved."

"I... I'm just anxious," The blue haired young lady retorted tersely, while blushing.

"Uh huh, ye a virgin, aren't ye?"

"WHAT? How dare such a low brow creten such as yourself enquire of such things from a young maiden! Of course I am!"

"Eh, always thought ye Japanese lasses were bit 'o' the prude side 'o' things..." Their conversation was interrupted, as the door opened, emitting the nun, and a thoroughly tied down girl in a rolling chair. "Well, here's yer itch-scratcher, all giftwrapped for ye."

"Oooooohhhhh! Thank you thank you thank you!" the young woman cooed, as she hopped up and down, causing her hair and chest to bounce with her movement, before she noticed her new 'guest', and the Scottish hireling were following the motions, unabashed. She immidiately ceased, blushing fiercely.

"Well, we'll leave ye two luv birds te get aquainted," Right Hand McMahon stated, getting up out of his chair, and heading for the door.

"Yes, I hope you two enjoy your carnal acts of depravity, for which you shall feel the searing tongues of Hell's abyss upon your immortal souls for all eternity." The nun stated with a serene and cheerful tone. "Go with God, you two." With that, she shut the door.

The blue haired young lady quickly tried to compose herself, as Akane looked around, wide-eyed and unsure of what was going on; One minute she was walking hand in hand with one of the loves of her life, and the next minute she found herself hog-tied, buck-nekked to a chair. Not that she hadn't grown accustomed to exibitionism and bondage, it just didn't feel right without Ranma-sama or Shampoo around.

"Um, Akane... Akane Tendou?" The girl in question looked at the room's other occupant, a bit fearful, but expecting her to continue. The girl ducked her head demurely, "I... I know this is a bit awkward, as this is the first time we've met face to face, and you're tied to a chair naked... but I love you."

The girl frowned, expecting at least some sort of response, "I know, it's all so sudden, and I don't want you to feel weird, but I've been stalki-I mean watching you from afar. You are the most perfect person I have ever met, and I just had to posess-um- meet you. If all this makes you uncomfortable, I understand, but we can make this work, you'll see!"

The girl's frown deepened, "I'm sorry! Must you treat me this way? I... I didn't mean to frighten you! I love you!"

"WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING? WHY MUST YOU TREAT ME LIKE SO? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? IS THAT IT? IT'S THAT OTHER WOMAN, THAT RED-HEADED HUSSY, ISN'T IT? OR MAYBE THAT PURPLE HAIRED BIMBO! ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU BE FAITHFUL TO ME?" The girl blinked, "Oh, sorry about that." Chagrinned at her outburst, she removed the gag from Akane's mouth.

"..." For the first time since the two girls had met, Akane was actually speechless.

"You get away from Shampoo airen!"

The blue haired young woman went rigid, before she addressed the newcomer in the window through gritted teeth, "Why, the Purple haired bimbo, we were just talking about you..."

"Why you kidnap Akane?" Shampoo demanded, holding one of her bonbori towards the other girl, "Should take Ranma, is more her thing, yes?"

"'More her thing'?" the stately, if not slightly schizophrenic, young woman parroted, before chuckling, "My dear, you think this is about some fetish? You think I do this simply for sheer enjoyment?" She dramatically pointed at Shampoo, "No! Why I do this, I do this for love! I LOVE Akane Tendou, and I wish to rescue her from the clutches of diseased hussys such as you and your promiscuous cohort!"

Shampoo blinked, before looking to Akane. "Promiscuous means that Ranma would sleep with anything."

Shampoo nodded in understanding, "So, she no insult airen?"

Akane turned to the other girl, "Who are you, anyways? I mean, if you're going to kidnap me, you could at least introduce yourself!"

"Oh, forgive me," the woman bowed to her guests, both wanted and unwanted, "My name is Elizabeth Contsesca Mihoshi Angelique Celes von Dartanion Franchesca Delores Grandez de..."

Unknownst to the three of them, a security camera, that had been hacked to record straight to five hundred gig hard drive, while encoding the video file on the fly to be posted all over the internet... zoomed in. If anyone had been paying attention, they would have heard the obnoxious laughter of lamerity about...

"lololololol"

* * *

Ranma stomped into the Tendou home, irritated at his fruitless search, "I'm back, anyone find anything?"

Tofu and Kasumi met Ranma at the door, both of them with solumn expressions, "Afraid not, Ranma, but everyone else is still out searching, so who knows?"

Ranma snorted, before grabbing the wig from Tofu's head, "Try to keep some of your dignity when you try to sound optomistic, doc."

Frantically, the good doctor turned to Kasumi, who's lips were pursed in unapproval, as her arms were folded. "THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

"Go pick up some more vasoline, Tofu dear, I don't think three jars will be enough tonight," Kasumi responded in a sweet tone.

"Ah... I think I'll go continue my search for Akane... for the rest of the night," Tofu stated in a somewhat shrill voice, before he bolted for the front door. As he opened it, he just managed to catch something in his arms before it hit the floor, "Ranma, help me here!"

"Huh?" The pigtailed boy strode to the front door, and blinked at the girl in Tofu's arms.

"Kn-know... where Akane is..." Shampoo stated, before passing out.


	52. Mercenaries in the Missionary

Ranma the Amorous, Over-Sexed Nympho Chapter 52 

"Uh, so you say Akane's being held in here?" Ranma enquired, looking up at the seemingly ominous entry gate of the gothic yet luxurious manor that he had never noticed on the northern outskirts of Nerima. Ranma looked up, wincing at a crack of thunder, "Wonder why there only seems to be a cloud over this place right now..."

Shampoo, supported by Dr. Tofu, nodded, "They hold Akane hostage, psycho-girl say is for love, not sex."

Ranma shrugged, "Well, some people do enjoy being with others for more than... you know... sex," Ranma responded, his voice quieting a bit as he spoke, still facing the manor gates.

Shampoo blinked, before looking to Dr. Tofu to clarify. The good doctor shrugged, "I love Kasumi, so I suppose he has a point."

Shampoo tilted her head slightly to the side, "But sex come first, yes?"

"Of course," Tofu responded, as if the very question was absurd.

"Ranma being, what word... 'naive'... is true? Is too, too adorable!"

"Well, I guess it is rather cute, in an adolescent, romantic way."

"Shampoo tell Akane all about it when rescue her," Shampoo giggled at the thought.

Tofu had to chuckle too, "Well, Ranma seem a bit idealistic at times, I mean, with you and Akane around him, and he-"

"GUYS, can we focus on the situation at HAND?" Ranma interjected, flushed at the conversation in his expense. Calming down, Ranma then firmed his resolve, "Doc, take Shampoo back, I'll take care of things from here..."

"But Ranma, don't you think-"

"It's alright, I can handle it. It ain't like it's the first time Akane's been kidnapped," Ranma mentioned, almost bitter in tone, "And this time, I'll make whoever it is pay in spades."

"Shampoo help, is my airen too!"

"Shampoo, you could barely carry yourself here," Tofu interjected on Ranma's behalf, before turning to the pigtailed martial artist, "Alright, Ranma, but in an hour, I'm coming back, and bringing help with me, so I hope you're capable of resolving it by then."

Ranma watched Tofu cradle Shampoo, before leaping off back towards his own clinic. After he was sure they were a safe distance away, Ranma turned to confront his latest challenge. Before him stood two, thick wooden doors towering over him four times his height. With a breath to solidify his resolve, the pigtailed martial artist knocked.

He heard a whizzing nearby, and looked towards its direction, but didn't see the small video camera that zoned in on him. "Uh... yo?"

"Wh0z 7h3r3?"

Ranma blinked at the voice, the high pitched, 8 bit digitized sound of the voice, "Ranma."

"R4nm4 wh0?"

"Um... Saotome?"

Ranma shifted under the long pause, before he got a response.

"j00r gh3y!"

The pigtailed young man stood frozen, before his brow furrowed, "Did you just call me gay?"

"lol"

"Hey! Just wait a minute! HEY I'm talk'n to you!" When no response came, Ranma knocked harder on the door.

"Wh0z 7h3r3?"

"You kidnapped Akane, you jerk!"

Another long pause.

"j00r s7!ll gh3y!"

"THAT DOES IT!" Ranma shouted, before pulling his fist back, and launching it towards the doors. The thick wood succumbed to the force of the blow, indenting until even its formidable density gave way. Unfortunately for Ranma's fist, the titanium alloy door beyond proved a bit more infallible.

"OW! DAMN IT!!!" Ranma cradled his fist, before staring balefully at the sheet of metal mocking him.

"j00 !z t3h l4m3z! lolololololol!!!"

"Ach, tis we have a visitor!" another voice over the speaker made its presence known.

"lolol t3h l4m3r !z gh3y!"

"Izzat so? Well, laddie, if yeh be shunning the fairer sex, perhaps ye be looking elsewhere fer attention?"

"I ain't here for attention! I'm here for Akane!" Ranma retorted, quickly becoming more and more irritated at his hecklers.

"So yeh not gay?"

Ranma blinked, "Uh, no."

"I thought you said he was a fairy, ye blasted TV!"

"H3 !z gh3y, lololololololololololololololol!!!"

"Wut haf'Ah told ye aboot laugh'n in me presence?"

"Do you two mind opening the door for me?" Ranma interjected in a droll tone, growing tired of hearing their dialogue.

"An' why wud ye be think'n we would simply let you in, laddie? Whut business ye be hav'n here?"

"H3 w4ntz t3h do j00 !n t3h 4zz, lolololololol!!!"

"Whut? Ye damnable moot waste eh a microwave, ye daft teh beli'f dat if deh boy 'mself be say'n e's not load gargl'n!"

"H3 w4ntz t3h g!ve j00 h!z m4nch0wd3r, ROTFLMAO!!!"

"Cease ye blasphemy! Deh boy hath' said nett'n of deh sorts! Inn't dat right, laddie?"

Ranma turned his attention back to the speaker above him, having grown highly annoyed with the two speakers' accents. "Look, I didn't understand a single word from either of you," Ranma admitted, "so, would it get things rolling if I just agreed with whatever to get you to open this door?"

"YOU CURSED LIMP WRISTED NANCY BOY, HOW DARE YE BE THINK'N YE BE SHAFT'N RIGHT HAND MCMAHON IN DEH BLEED'N ARSE?!?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, whatever."

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! YE BOOT REC'N FER 'N RAMMY YE BLOODY ARSE BANDIT!!!"

Ranma blinked, as the sounds of rapid footsteps were heard over the comm. After several moments, Ranma enquired, "Uh, what did he say?"

"H3 54!d H3 w4ntz y00r H4wt K4wk"

* * *

"Really? I always thought you would have preferred nylon."

Akane wiggled in her bonds, before looking towards the ceiling to muse over the discussion, "Well, nylon is nice when you're being gentle, but I think since you kidnapped me, hemp rope's rough fiber would have added just the right mood to this whole encounter. I mean, I can't take you serious as a stalker-rapist if you're worried about my comfort, it just totally ruins the anbiance.

"But I'm doing this for love, not malice!"

"Well, yeah, but I do like my surprise sex dates to a bit of the obsessive, manic side, it's something of a turn on, you know?"

"I certainly don't know what you mean, my undying love, would you like another sip of your tea?"

Akane licked her lips, "Yes please. It's not often I get to try Earl Grey tea, I should ask Kasumi to pick it up more often." Akane's capture beamed, before picking up Akane's cup, and holding it to the girl. Akane smiled, gratefully, and leaned her head forward to take another sip...

"-ARSE FELL AFF IF YE BELIEV'N YE DO'IN ME YE FAIRY BOY THE'R BE'EN NOT ENO' SNELL DAYS IN HELL FER' YE TE RIM E' MAN O' GREAT ALBA WHEN I GET TO YE..."

Both Akane and her kidnapper double blinked, as they watched the enraged Scotsman bolt through the room, and out the door.

"You know? If you would just untie me, I could drink by myself," Akane offered.

"I don't think we will be able to do that"

* * *

Ranma tapped his foot impatiently, before checking the imaginary watch on his wrist.

"AN' EAIN'TTER THING, MUY BAHOOKIE INN'T AN ENT-"

Ranma casually turned around, as soon as he heard the door open, and threw a punch. Without even bothering to ensure his victory, Ranma strode past the foreigner, as he fish-danced, then collapsed unconscious out the door.

"Yo! Akane! Where you at?" Ranma shouted, hoping to get someone's attention... well, someone other than that guy with the English accent or whatever. He paused, and looked around when a familiar 2-bit synthesized song began to play, "Hey, I know where this song's from, Galaga!"

Ranma's reminiscing over said game was cut abruptly, as the hall he walked down was suddenly lined with gun torrents.

* * *

"This one?"

"Too 'good girl'."

"How about this one?"

"I just don't see you as the pleather wearing type."

"Okay, I got this one from my Auntie for Christmas last year"

Akane tilted her head, and pursed her lips in thought, "Well, the floppy ears are somewhat unsettling, and the giant red cod piece definitely adds to the intimidation factor."

"So this is a maybe?" The young woman raised her head, "Oh bugger."

Akane heard it too, "Is that laser fire?"

"lolololololololol," whispered a nearby computer, as a tiny ship at the bottom of the monitor attempted to track the two-bit representation of a person in a sea of black, rapidly firing blocks at it in an attempt to halt its advance.

* * *

Ranma dodged and weaved, almost effortlessly avoiding the blasts by the most minimal of distance. If he ever saw that prepubescent jerk again, Ranma would have to thank Lil' Suzy for the agility training.

"HA!" Ranma shouted, as his fist collided with the final turret, rending it incapable of performing its duty, "Like a skeet shoot like this is gonna stop me! Now, where's Akane?"

"I'm afraid she is occupied with our benefactor in committing perverse sins against our God."

"Huh?" Ranma responded, looking further down the hall. Out of the darkness, strode a figure he began to recognize as a Western style priestess... what were they called... 'Bitches... no, that can't be right...

"Um, you're not a bitch, right?" The woman in a black robe and habit stumbled flat onto her face.

"That's 'nun', you little heathen, 'NUN'! Not 'bitch'!"

"Soooorrryyy! Jeez," Ranma retorted, so the words sound alike, honest mistake...

"As much as it begalls me, I'm afraid I must not allow you to interrupt Eve's seduction by Lillith," the nun stated resolutely, holding parallel before her a highly ornamental, gold and spectacularly jeweled great sword.

"Whoa, that thing looks mean," Ranma whispered to himself, taking a step back, before firming himself. Big pig sticker or not, he was going to rescue Akane.

Seeing the young man falter for the merest moment, before standing strong, the nun pointed her sword at her soon to be opponent, "Battling Sister Mary is on the move!"

"Battling Sister... hey, you remind me of-WHOA!!!" Ranma barely had time to leap straight up, as the woman was suddenly upon him with near impossible speed; swinging her weapon in a wide horizontal arc that sliced through the stone walls on both sides of the hall.

Ranma twisted in the air, turning to face his adversary, as she turned around, "DO NOT THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE GOD'S MIGHT!!!" The pigtailed martial artist ducked as soon as he landed, then dodged to the side to avoid a vertical chop that cleaved a healthy gouge into the cobblestone floor.. Performing several back flips to gain some space, Ranma then braced himself, anticipating the woman and well aware of her incredible speed.

"She's good," he thought to himself, "She could probably give the old Ghoul a run for her money, what with the way she handles that thing!"

Sister Mary didn't fail to disappoint, as she immediately re-engaged the battle, attacking with her sword as if it weighed nothing. Moving with a grace and speed she had never encountered before, Ranma flowed around her strikes like air parting before them, searching for an opening in her exceptional guard. As exceptional as it was, it was not faultless, as Ranma threw a punch into a small opening that her swing's arc left her with.

With a dexterity Ranma didn't anticipate, she twisted her sword around, and used the flat of the blade to block the pigtailed fighter's punch. With a brilliant golden shower of sparks that ejaculated from the impact, they were both thrown opposite directions, sliding as they attempted to arrest their backwards motions.

"Admirable, child, but you face the very hand of the Lord himself. You cannot hope for victory."

"Yeah, well from my point of view, you don't look like ya got enough to stop me," Ranma retorted, taking up stance.

The nun chuckled, "Your pride shall be your greatest fault. If you feel so confident, perhaps you shall witness the full blessing to which the Lord has granted me!"

"Bring it on, sister!" Ranma taunted, confident she was bluffing.

The woman held her sword before her, the blade pointing skyward. She let go of the weapon, allowing it to hover in front of her. A soft, golden light surrounded it, before growing so much in potency that it blindingly illuminated the hall like the great sun's light trapped indoors.

Sister Mary habit and robes shredded, carried away on ethereal wisps of light, revealing her shimmering blond hair and lithe, toned, buxom frame enshrouded by crotchless panties, binding rope that wrapped around her assets, and faint scars on erogenous areas. She spun with her arms in the air, causing the rope to tug up her bosom, as she let out a low, sensual moan as she was bathed in her Lord's passion. The shreds of her robes turned gold, before wrapping themselves around her again, but in the form of eloquently embroidered and scant armor that left her thighs, stomach, and about two thirds of her chest bare. She reached out, and took firm hold on her sword, causing the light to retract into it. The nun knelt, holding her forehead to the sword in salute and prayer.

With a resolute expression, she stood, and pointed at Ranma, "Now, you face a power you will bow to!" She blinked, when she noticed the unflinching expression on her opponent, as well as the slight trickle of blood that dripped from his nose. After a confused moment, she realized what his problem was, "You... YOU PERVERT! THAT SIGHT WAS FOR GOD ONLY!!!"

Ranma came to in time to dash back from a horizontal swing that was almost too fast for him to contend with, "HEY! IT WASN'T MY FAULT YOU FLASHED ME!!!"

"YOU COULD HAVE TURNED AWAY, YOU DELINQUENT!" She continued the swing to her back, turning with the blade, and leapt into the air, holding the blade behind her for a mighty downward cleave.

Ranma quickly tucked into a backwards somersault, before bracing his hand against the stone floor, and launching from it before her weapon landed. "IT AIN'T LIKE I WANTED TO SEE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT, YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!"

"YOU DARE?!?" She tracked the pigtailed martial artist, as he braced his feet against the ceiling, and launched himself towards her. She gasped at his speed, hoping she had enough time to bring her sword back to ready...

"The lil' fudge packer be dar'n much, lass," a voice behind her stated, just as Ranma was suddenly forced to twist out of the way of a piece of rock that nearly collided with his skull. He had to adjust his landing to a crouch to recover in time, and then rolled from his spot before a large sword's tip pierced it.

"What, you again?"

"Laddie, it'll take more th' a wee piss punch like that te' fell Right-Hand McMahon!" the Scotsman proclaimed.

"Yeah, right! Even with the kinky nun's help, ya still goin' down!" Ranma assessed the situation, internally gritting his teeth. He was sure he would be able to take the two of them down, but the longer he has to deal with them, the greater Akane was in danger.

McMahon grinned, "Now, it be time ye gon' on ye way."

Mary held her sword at ready, "unless you wish to grace the Lord's presence this eve."

Ranma answered by dashing towards the two of them, "Ha! As if you two losers got anything on me!"

"Hmph," Mary snorted, moving to meet the young man's charge, as McMahon's right hand flashed out, sending several pieces of jagged rock bouncing around the room.

Ranma twisted in the air, moving around every bit of stone, before parrying away the nun's sword by the flat of the blade. The martial artist pulled back, just in time to miss a rebounding rock from taking out his eye, and ducked to the side of a rising diagonal sword swing. Bracing a hand against the ground, Ranma shot up with both feet, catching Mary under the chin, and knocking her back onto the ground.

Ranma landed, and frantically twisted to the side, as something tore through his shirt, "Hey! Your mother ever teach you not to throw things in the house?"

The Battling nun moved to stand next to her partner, "This child possesses great ability. Surely he is the anti-Christ to challenge God's great might.

"Listen, lass, I got a plan," the Scottish mercenary whispered, "You just flash him your goodies like ye did before, so he's distracted."

"That might..." the nun glared at her partner, "How much of that did you see?"

"Enough to be impressed, lass. Who be think'n a modest lass like yeself be dollied up like some wee whore?"

"Like a..." Mary parroted, "HOW DARE YOU!" Instead of taking out her ire on her associate, she dashed towards the pigtailed boy, who braced for another confrontation. Instead of a frontal assault, the woman somersaulted over him, and turned to face him with a horizontal slash, "I AM ONLY GOD'S WHORE!!!"

Ranma lept back in time, just as he sensed the danger from behind. "McMahon and Mary team tactic number 14," the Scotsman stated, standing next to a tall pile of pulverized stone. Almost immediately, his right hand started grabbing and tossing the rocks from the pile, sending them at Ranma with deadly accuracy.

"Oh crap!" The pigtailed boy dodged each stone, realizing he had to take out the long range attacker first before he became too much of a hazard. That was when he felt the danger from the other side.

Sister Mary used her sword to rebound the rocks that got past Ranma, back towards him, forcing Ranma to concentrate on both sides. Even with his amazing agility, the equally remarkable aim of Right Hand McMahon eventually found its mark, as Ranma winced from a sting to his side. That proved enough of a distraction for one of the stones rebounded from Mary to find its mark.

Ranma's body began to dance from the blows, as his two opponents would not relent until he finally fell. With a final stone apparently colliding with Ranma's chin, he fell back towards Mary, who leapt over him to her own partner's side.

"Not so arrogant now, are you child?" Mary taunted, resting on her sword casually.

"I ain't got anything to be modest about, yet!" Ranma stated, before kicking himself back to standing, showing the armful of rocks he was holding. He tossed them into the air, before his hands flashed, "KATCHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"

Like a heavy meteor shower, each rock shot towards the two. Before any of them could reach the unarmed Scotsman, Mary appeared in front of him, using her sword to parry away each deadly projectile. She held her sword vertical, managing to guard against the final rock, before something heavy collided with it, forcing her off her feet, and into McMahon.

Ranma's flying kick carried enough force to send them both flying out the heavy door and into a tangled mass at the base of the stairs. Without wasting any time, Ranma quickly closed the door, and locked every lock that was attached to it, "Takes care of those jerks"

* * *

"Lass, I think the laddie has a reason to be cocky, don't ye?"

"Please remove your hands, only God may touch those"

* * *

Akane whimpered, as she tried her best to lean away from the girl before her, cackling madly, while gyrating the enormous red codpiece menacingly towards the raven-haired girl.

"AKANE! ARE YOU-" Ranma kicked down the door, and paused at the sight, "Uh, would you like me to come back later?"

"Yes, we would," The bare-chested girl with the floppy ears stated, putting her hands on her hips.

"That's okay, Ranma, I think she needs to practice more before we continue with this," Akane stated, easily breaking the ropes binding her, and standing up, "Um, you see where my clothes are?"

"Wha?" The floppy-eared girl exclaimed, shocked that her captor could have gotten free at any time..

"These it, Akane?" Ranma held up the neatly folded bundle before the girl, who took them gratefully.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, um..."

"Elizabeth, Elizabeth St. Pierre," she glared darkly at the pigtailed boy, "Remember that name, for it will be the name of her savior from your red-headed harlot's clutches."

"Whatever, see ya!" Ranma moved to the side to let Akane pass, before he followed, "Hey, Akane, is there a back door to this place?"


	53. Understanding the ones you love

Just barely catching itself from a faltering step, the cloaked figure braced itself against the trunk of a tree, and only gave a briefest of pause to survey

the environment. Even this momentary stop ran against the figure's instincts; the nagging, incessant, and insistent voice in the back of the mind that demanded flight

from the danger it had been running from for a fortnight. But for the moment, prudence won over the panic was all encompassing. It seemed clear, but the figure knew

better after such an arduous run from China to Japan, that appearances were best used to deceive.

Taking a few more steps, the lack sleep, constant movement, and nary time to find proper sustenance took its toll, forcing the weary woman to collapse to

her hands and knees. Never had it allowed itself to be so low on energy to the point of feebleness. The figure knew it could never show weakness before, at any time.

"Heh, even after all that running, you're still where we want you!"

The cloaked figure found the energy in its shock to turn and look at the two figures that stood over, "No..."

"Prone with that yaun bouncing ass in the air," the larger of the two figures finished for the first smaller one, while its tongue flicked out, wetting the

owner's lips in savored anticipation.

"Just... no more, please," the fallen refugee gasped, wincing at the feebleness from her own mouth .

"Well if you hadn't forced such a vigorous pursuit, you wouldn't me as tired as you are now, hmm?" The shorter, lithe woman stated; her voice losing its

humor, and replacing it with her impatience.

"Yeah, throat's feeling pretty dry after that last run," the taller, buxom figure stated, grinning ferally, " How about you spread those hot, thick thighs of

yours so I can quench my thirst?"

"Didn't you hear?"

Both figures looked up, just as a foot met with the chest of the larger the two women, sending her careening back through the forest floor beyond sight; a

trail of fallen trees in the body's wake the sign of its passing.

"Who dares?" The shorter one demanded, quickly turning to meet the new threat, only to find the front of her tight fitting shirt gathered in a strong grip.

"You're both girls..." The young man wearing a tiger striped bandanna commented with narrow eyes.

"This is none of your business, pig!" The woman growled, ducking out of her shirt to escape his grasp and avoiding the haymaker punch leveled at her face,

"And be gentle!" After performing several somersaults, stopping several yards away, and waiting for her unbound breasts to stop bouncing (boy were those things a

pain when not pinned down behind a tit wedgie). "Such a barbarian, attempting to pummel a woman!"

"Lady, I'm all for women's equality!" Ryoga shouted, charging after the spry woman with his fist cocked back, "I'm for treating women just like women who

prowl on others like I would a man!" His kicked was ducked under, "While I'm at it, I say women can wear pants, too!" his foot sweep was hopped, "Hell, I even

support intimacy among women! Is it any different from intimacy between men? And what the hell is wrong with two guys kissing each other in public?" The woman used

his outstretched fist to vault over his head and behind him.

"It's disgusting, unnatural, and wrong!" A stoic Japanese businessman stated adamantly, while adjusting his tie.

"Shut up, you," Ryoga insisted, as the rock he threw collided with the outspoken wage slave's temple. "Damn conservatives..."

"I feel for you, sir, I really do," the shorter one of the women that were terrorizing the third quipped, punching Ryoga in the stomach, "It's like a punch

in the STOMACH!"

The fanged boy slid a couple of yards, before smirking, "That felt like foreplay! You don't have the equipment to make me feel it in the gut!" The cursed boy

retaliated with a flying kick, only to have his opponent fade to the side of it, use it as a pole to swing around, and deliver both of her feet into his face. It

wasn't so much the combined momentum of his own velocity and hers meeting at his jaw that shocked him, but the instance it took to pull off such a maneuver, "So...

fast, faster than Ranma... Mint even!" He thought, kicking himself back into stance.

Not sure how much time he would have before the larger one regained consciousness and rejoined the fray, Ryoga removed several bandannas from his forehead,

and began twirling them quickly, "Time to settle this!"

He lobbed them, just as the woman began to rush him. Her eyes went wide, as she began to frantically twist and turn to dodge the obviously sharp projectiles.

Retaliating, she launched several projectiles of her own, intercepting each of the flying bandannas, including the ones boomeranging back at her. "Intriguing

technique," The young woman commented, inspecting one that was pinned to a nearby tree, "I think I'll tie you down and beat the knowledge of that technique out of...

oh bother, he ran off..."

Ryoga ran as fast as he could while carrying the unconscious, pink haired girl in his arms. His brow furrowed, as he tried to recall where he had seen those

women before, and why they were after the woman in his arms. I figured he would get his answers, once he was sure of their escape. If he had bothered to look towards

the Pyramid of Ginza on his left, he may have realized he had enough time to rest.

"Oh, hello!" Kasumi greeted, smiling hospitably towards the short, athletically slender woman, and her muscular, buxom companion, "How may I help you?"

"Oh, we apologize for disturbing you this fine day," the shorter one returned, but we were hoping you may tell us the whereabouts of a young lady, pink hair,

wearing a white cloak, possibly with a fanged young man wearing a bandanna?"

"Oh my, that second one sounds like Ryoga, but neither he nor your friend have been here, I'm afraid."

"Oh, well sorry to bother you again, and thank you for your assistance!" With that, the two turned away.

"My manners! I've kept you here, I could have at least invited you in for a quickie!"

The two, turned, and blinked, before grinning, "I guess a few minutes to sample your hospitality would not hurt...

Kasumi and Doctor Tofu waved good bye to their brief guests, the latter clutching the taller one's panties in his pocket, while the former clutched the pair

she had gotten from the smaller one in her apron pocket, "Well, what a refreshing change of pace," the good doctor commented.

"Oh my, yes it was," Kasumi replied, wiping her mouth with the undergarment she was fondling, "Don't you agree, Wiggly-chan?"

The potted plant rapidly nodded, causing the straps of the large bra entangled in its branches to flop about.

"Ono, dear, you better head back upstairs and put back on the skirt and tube top," Kasumi commanded, "The tofu man should be here for the delivery soon. I'll

be up to tie you down in a sec."

"Okie dokie!" the doctor responded with a salute, before sprinting back upstairs.

"Oh, hello Ryoga!" Kasumi greeted as she answered the door, "I see you have a friend!" She smiled at the rather irate looking young woman standing next to

the chagrinned fanged boy. "Two ladies had come by last week looking for you."

Ryoga's 'friend' ceased glaring at her guide to address the home maker, "Two women? did they say who they were?"

"I'm afraid they didn't," Kasumi stated apologetically, "We were so busy bathing in each others body fluids, we didn't have the opportunity for small talk."

The pink haired young woman stared at Kasumi for a moment, before turning to Ryoga, "They've already been here it seems. Hopefully they will not be back for

some time."

"I'm sorry you missed them," Kasumi blinked before remembering her manners, "Oh, I apologize would you like to come in for some tea?"

The woman nodded, "and if you could, I need to speak to Ranma of a most urgent situation..."

Akane, Ryoga, an even Shampoo fumed, as they glared heatedly at the pink haired woman sitting so familiarly close to Ranma. It wasn't as if none of them know

who she was; in fact, their animosity would be validated on the basis of their last encounter. The truth was, they weren't so much angry with that..."

"Ah, it ain't much a problem, Herb," Ranma boasted, more than happy to help a fellow martial artist and friend.

"I was so scared, I didn't know who to turn to," Princess Herb cooed, as she gently placed her hand on Ranma's forearm. "Then I remember how strong you were,

and that I could count on you!"

"Aw, well, I am pretty strong, and reliable," Ranma gushed, favoring the other cursed female with a confident and roguish smirk that caused the pink haired

girl to swoon.

"I knew you wouldn't let me down! You are the type of hero anyone would fall for!"

"Such," Akane began.

"Shamelessness," Ryoga finished.

"Musk always shameless," Shampoo stated, as her fingers dug tighter into the tearoom table.

"Herb-san, perhaps you could explain your problem?" Dr. Tofu interjected, finding the gushing praise and swelling ego becoming a bit too obnoxious for even

himself. Akane silently mouthed 'thank you' to her family doctor.

"Oh, yes," Herb sat up, almost as if remembering other people were there. The transition from googly eyed, love smitten princess to regal and reserved ruler

of an unheard of nation was instantaneous, "The males of our kingdom are brought up as great warriors, but in order to do so we are long separated from our mothers,

and kept from making contact with any females until it is time for our arranged courtship. Mine had come, yet I knew nothing of the workings of a woman. I felt, if I

were to prove as confident in my capacity to contend with women, I needed to gain some experience. To make contact with the Neichizuu tribe was forbidden, and the

Phoenix Tribe remained elusive, so I had to resort to means more... classical to our people. I had visited the pools of sorrow, specifically the Spring of a drowned

girl. My intention was to bathe a monkey there, and study her habits. Unfortunately, a mishap left me cursed, and locked in this form."

"That is when we met, when I came to Japan to find means of unlocking my curse. The events that followed proved to be enlightening, and I owe it all to you."

The googly eyes were back, and Ranma puffed his chest a bit, "after our... confrontation... whichIamveryveryverysorryfor..." the Prince of the Musk blushed slightly,

"I decided that I needed more research. I... I wanted to understand you, Saotome-san..."

"Are you sure it's prudent to return after our last mishap?" Mint enquired, taking extra care to avoid the pools, even going so far as to slow down to Lime's

speed.

"I don't know if being here is worth seeing fathers," Lime voiced his concern, as his massive frame attempted to tip toe on the narrow pathways between the

small ponds.

"Nonsense," Herb stated, as he calmly strode through the valley of the springs, "We will simply be extra careful, knowing the dangers these waters possess."

He stopped, and pointed ahead of him, "There, that is the one we're looking for."

Both Lime and Mint recognized it at the location of the spring of drowned girl, and walked over to the pool carefully, and stopped far enough to keep

comfortable distance from its cursed water.

"Well?" Herb growled, impatiently.

"My liege, it's just that I, well you see...," Mint began

"What if we fall in?" Lime stated, apprehensive of getting any closer.

"Then you would have your own pair of breasts to play with, and not have to ogle mine at every convenient moment," Herb sighed, "Our task is simple, all you

need to do is gather some samples of the spring in those jars, so that we can begin our experiments outside the valley where it is much safer. Now if you would

please?"

"I would never challenge your decisions, my liege," Mint interjected, "but, considering as you are already cursed, perhaps it would be better if you were to

gather the samples?"

The Prince of the Musk's eyes narrowed, as a corona of pink energy gathered around him, and lifted him off the ground, "Yet, you are challenging my decision.

You think it is for the last descendant of the Dragon line to do such paltry work as gathering water samples?"

"Ah, your point of view is duly noted." With a sigh, Mint and Lime tepidly approached the pool, and began unpacking the glass jars in their backpacks. Herb

moved behind them, unconcerned about the spring of drowned girl at his back. "Good, good, now, be careful, as you said, we wouldn't want one of you to fall in, now

would we?" He stated, while putting his hands on each of their backs.

Mint blinked, and looked over his shoulder at the man he was assigned to bodyguard, "Um, what are you doin-"

The Tendou household shook from the seismic vibrations that were just enough to startle any of the wildlife in the immediate area.

"Perhaps I deserved that..." Princess Herb stated, before pulling her head out of the hole it made in the wood floor.

"YOU. IDIOT!" Ryoga shouted.

"Aiyaa," Shampoo whispered, "Now there three girl type Ranma?"

Ranma calmly sipped his tea and ignored Herb, feeling quite comfortable with his sudden act of violence.

"Oh my," Kasumi stated, "They were quite insatiable."

"I... I could not keep up with them," the Princess began again, "Oh, sure, it was great at first, I mean the sex... boy was it ever-"

"Stupid boygirl stop fantasizing and finish story."

"Know your place, Neichizuu," Herb countered, "Where was I... oh yes, boy, was it ever-! Soon, our love making sessions became soulless, empty sex marathons.

It became too much; they wouldn't even let me pee without participating in water sports... Mint explained that term to me... I needed the rest! I told them I had a

headache, that I had cramps, that I had syphilis, but they didn't care! I had to escape, but they were relentless in their pursuit, and they will not stop until

they find me again!"

Herb's face came intimately close to Ranma's, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, "I'm sorry for betraying you like this, Ranma-kun. If I could, I would

take back it all for your forgiveness; could you ever forgive me?" Ranma was taken back by her large, expressionate eyes. Perhaps the two generous mounds on her

chest that were firmly and strategically pressed against his arms played more a part, but Ranma was speechless.

"Forget it," Ryoga stated, "Ranma isn't going to clean up your mess for you!"

"Pigboy's right!" Akane agreed, though Ryoga glared at her heatedly, nonetheless, "Ranma has his own problems with you bringing yours here!"

"Hey," Ranma interjected, focusing everyone's attention on him, "Herb screwed up, but it's a martial artist's duty to help those in trouble!" Ranma stood up,

clenching his right hand into a fist, "Mint and Lime are out of control, so we best put a stop to them."

Akane and Ryoga favored each other with withering glances, before Ryoga stood up, "Ranma's right, even for the lowliest trollop, a martial artist must lend

their strength!"

Akane quickly stood up, not wanting to be out done by the fanged boy, "It's our duty! Just like Ranma said!"

Shampoo gave her beloved and the bandanna clad boy each a hooded gaze, before pumping her fist at the front of her mouth, and pushing her tongue against her

cheek with the same timing as her fist. She then stood up as Tofu and Kasumi began to snicker, "Fine, Shampoo too help stupid Musk. Because he stupid, and make Ranma

deal with his stupid."

"OOOooh! I knew you wouldn't let me down, Ranma-kun!" Herb squealed, before favoring Ranma with a full fledged hug, and avidly ignored the two growls from

behind her.


End file.
